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Swinging in long term relationships
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"It's simply part of who we are as people and it's always enjoyable as if it wasn't we would stop. You need a strong relationship to being involved in swinging so it's just an added dimension."
Completely agree. |
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"Its an enhancement, occasionally, to our sex life. Because it can be exciting, rejuvenating all alluring. But its not a necessity. We both enjoy it equally and when we don't, we shall stop. "
This. We have probably never been stronger than we are now. It’s opened so many avenues in terms of communication. As others have said, when it stops being fun, we walk away. V&K |
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We’ve been ‘active’ about 18 months and had a few great experiences and some not so great. Mr had to have a lot of Dutch courage early on so that didn’t really help!
Overall it’s been good for us as a couple married for 12 years. |
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"Hi, question for long term married couples.has swinging been good, bad or indifferent for your marriage/relationship ?"
Certainly not bad, a real mixed bag and damn frustrating finding genuine and decent others on here now that Cherry likes the look of  . A long term naughty friendship and frequent meets has always been our dream yet seems impossible these days. So yes more frustrating than good ! |
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Worked out well for us when we did play and as alreafdy stated you do need a strong and stable relationship though and not something to get into after afew to many sherbets ! but afew sherbets can help settle any nerves ?  |
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Experienced it for a while but said that at a certain age it would stop.
Takes a strong mature relationship to distinguish between the boundaries of just sex ...
Personally,if a relationship already has fault lines and you think this will enhance it your headed for the rocks before you start...
Still maintain that if you have sex with someone that's not part of whatever set up you are ....one of you will develope feelings and go off with them or become obsessed...
Seen it too many times ... |
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"Overall I'd say a mix.
To clarify.
Some aspects of swinging have been very good for us
Some resoundingly indifferent.
Some bad, which is why we only did them the once.
"
Many thanks some really useful replies. |
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Also, I forgot to mention, it’s helped in our relationship as things were getting a little “stagnant” mainly due to menopause ( which I’m not saying is her fault btw) but we’ve spoken to many couples of our age & in the same sort of marriage longevity, & they’re of the same opinion & reasoning for starting out in this lifestyle |
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By *oxy jWoman 18 weeks ago
somerset |
you tend to find most swingers are in solid loving relationships where theirs no secrets ...you'll find those who got into swinging who are not in solid relationships or trying to repair their relationship dont make it and split .. ..
swinging is for very together couples who know what they want/like/and not afraid to get it |
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"you tend to find most swingers are in solid loving relationships where theirs no secrets ...you'll find those who got into swinging who are not in solid relationships or trying to repair their relationship dont make it and split .. ..
swinging is for very together couples who know what they want/like/and not afraid to get it"
So true, I’ve been meeting couples in loving relationships, closely bonded, sharing fantasies, full and frank communication, no secrets between them and clear compersion for their partners enjoying sex (or even romance) in the company of others. If you don’t have that and are swinging your relationship will fracture and often break up |
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We've often met couples who are fwb or fb and some that have only been together a short while or where one is clearly less interested than the other. I don't doubt that the most mutually content swingers are in honest, loving and strong relationships but there are quite a few who aren't but stick together anyway. |
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Swinging is perfect for our relationship.
I have been poly/ENM my entire adult life. I enjoy novelty and new experiences. We both have high sex drives and don’t thrive in monogamous relationships. Need cracks become chasms. Swinging is perfect as we can meet great people, explore and do our thing, together or separately and return even more in love and appreciative of the other for the space and freedom to be our truest self.
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We have been together a very long time.its jus an enhancement to our already fantastic relationship.
But we made plenty of mistakes in the early years,such as taking one for the team.
We have found that good solid communication is the key. |
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"Hi, question for long term married couples.has swinging been good, bad or indifferent for your marriage/relationship ?"
On my solo male account but couples profile listed on it.
Been together 28 years and swinging for much of it. Only been a positive for us. Adds to the marrige so to speak (wouldn't change anything if we stopped tomorrow).
Though we have a dynamic that let's me enjoy myself freely as my Wife loves me with other women (lucky me), with our without her involvement (I obviously preffer with). I like the chase, the flirting and and the seducing. A bit of a challenge so to speak so I get all my boxes ticked. Not uncommon for my wife to egg me on at social events and clubs and then stand back and watch me do my thing. She loves that. |
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"Absolutely ruined my marriage ,wife fell in love with a younger meet on here ,she became obsessed ,not just for sex but craved his attention at all times "
Not trying to sound mean or anything… but did you attempt to compete? We’re you motivated to be the hottest you you could be or did you just see it as treacherous and walk? |
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There have been moments where I'd say it's tested our relationship but I would 100% say overall its been amazing fun. Its opened the doors to conversations, experiences, memories and hopefully more of all to come.
I consider myself very lucky to be in a relationship with someone I think the world of but also to have the excitement that this lifestyle brings.. even the bits that have tested us have made us stronger ultimately. I often think it would be almost impossible to do if you didn't have trust and honesty about all aspects.
I know this isn't the case for everyone and if it stops being the case for us then the swinging would stop x |
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Lovely to read here about people who met on Fab or swinging or at sex parties and are together now. I live in hope of finding a dominant lady who will accept both my male and female personas and to share a bi sexual swinging lifestyle with.  |
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"There have been moments where I'd say it's tested our relationship but I would 100% say overall its been amazing fun. Its opened the doors to conversations, experiences, memories and hopefully more of all to come.
I consider myself very lucky to be in a relationship with someone I think the world of but also to have the excitement that this lifestyle brings.. even the bits that have tested us have made us stronger ultimately. I often think it would be almost impossible to do if you didn't have trust and honesty about all aspects.
I know this isn't the case for everyone and if it stops being the case for us then the swinging would stop x "
Our experience is the same and we completely agre. |
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"Overall I'd say a mix.
To clarify.
Some aspects of swinging have been very good for us
Some resoundingly indifferent.
Some bad, which is why we only did them the once.
"
Can I ask what scenarios worked well for you and which were not so good ? Thanks |
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"Overall I'd say a mix.
To clarify.
Some aspects of swinging have been very good for us
Some resoundingly indifferent.
Some bad, which is why we only did them the once.
Can I ask what scenarios worked well for you and which were not so good ? Thanks"
I think that's quite specific to individual couples but parties and group situations did not work well for us. My fault in as far as I found the expectations placed on me just left me cold.
Lots of things worked well and they all included relaxed, socialising and a slowish pace.
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We met on here, so we get it maybe a little different from couples that grew into it together from vanilla.
I think one of the most valuable aspects from a relationship point of veiw is the need for total openness and communication. Not saying we wouldn't have that if we were vanilla. However to be successful in this game its something you exercise constantly and it really helps you to know each other and your deepest desires in a way I don't think a lot of vanilla couples get to do. I would say if definitely helps to bring us closer together. And some of the awesome experiences we've shared together have really bonded us.
However it's also challenged us as a couple a few time. We've both dropped clangers, miscommunicated and hit rough spots. However these challenges again have helped to strengthen us and helped us to understand ourselves as a couple, as individuals and to understand each other. They're helped us understand what works, what doesn't and how to evolve and do things differently.
We have grown and learnt so much through the lifestyle. It's a bit of a chicken and egg thing. We wouldn't have survived in the scene if it weren't for the strengthen of our communication and quality of our relationship. Yet its the scene that has helped us to grow and to seek fulfilment of our desires. Not to say that vanilla couple don't/can't have this but swinging for us despite the risks and occasional hiccups has grown and strengthen our relationship and been a really positive force. I know it sounds smug but our relationship is awesome and I love the freedom and what we get to share together.
Mr |
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"Swinging is perfect for our relationship.
I have been poly/ENM my entire adult life. I enjoy novelty and new experiences. We both have high sex drives and don’t thrive in monogamous relationships. Need cracks become chasms. Swinging is perfect as we can meet great people, explore and do our thing, together or separately and return even more in love and appreciative of the other for the space and freedom to be our truest self.
"
We like this post. Sounds a little like us. Although we are a relatively new couple. S&B xx |
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Been together 40 years, married over 30 and swinging about 20, we started swinging to add the dynamic that we couldn’t achieve together after discussing male half’s bisexuality, we were lucky to meet some lovely couples who became life long play and vanilla life friends and very fortunate to be still having sex daily with each other, (when possible). Had many last minute let downs, time wasters and no shows over the years but as we are pretty much happy with our own company and always have great sex we don’t let it stress us, although it is very frustrating when the house has to be cleaned and ourselves prepared for that last minute let down. But generally all positive from us.  |
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By *ythenMan 16 weeks ago
North Co. Dublin |
"Been together 40 years, married over 30 and swinging about 20, we started swinging to add the dynamic that we couldn’t achieve together after discussing male half’s bisexuality, we were lucky to meet some lovely couples who became life long play and vanilla life friends and very fortunate to be still having sex daily with each other, (when possible). Had many last minute let downs, time wasters and no shows over the years but as we are pretty much happy with our own company and always have great sex we don’t let it stress us, although it is very frustrating when the house has to be cleaned and ourselves prepared for that last minute let down. But generally all positive from us. "
Great informative post .. |
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By *rK MrsJCouple 16 weeks ago
Kidderminster |
"It's simply part of who we are as people and it's always enjoyable as if it wasn't we would stop. You need a strong relationship to being involved in swinging so it's just an added dimension."
Totally agree with this |
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It's had some negative but mostly it's given us a very strong relationship. I can't see us ever being apart now. After a dirty weekend we fuck like we're on our honeymoon period again until our next dirty weekend.
She fulfills my deepest fantasy when she flirts and sleeps with other men. Therefore I need to make sure I'm fulfilling hers. Very healthy way to be for a couple I think. |
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We've had some great times and some not so great.
Tend to gravitate to parties, clubs, socials, nudist beaches and swingers holidays.
Can't really be bothered with many 121 meets as the number of timewasters is huge, at group gatherings you have a great mix and no back pedalling sometimes needed on a less than productive 121.
Fab is great for finding parties, holidays and had plenty of success with see who's near, especially on holiday but tend to use other, less frequented sites for 121 meets.
All in all it's been a great addition to our wonderful marriage.
Once the nerves and excitement are no longer, time to call it a day.
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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I think it’s all about honesty and respect my previous relationship we indulged in the lifestyle and pushed boundaries and it was intensely mind opening which was great… aslong as it’s with the right person it can be amazing |
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Swinging had been fab for our relationship. It has allowed us both to explore our desires safely and together which we both needed to do before jumping into a new relationship.
It's not always been straightforward and easy, emotions are annoying things at times but we have the most open and honest relationship so every bump in the road became a learning curve and an opportunity to accept our own flaws as well as each others. It's really helped us to understand ourselves too and how we are different. Every bump has just made me love him even more, i am so lucky we found each other. No one else would have ever accepted me fully and truly loved who I am.
There is no hiding anything from each other or this wouldn't work. |
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Massively important to our daily relationship. Because it's encouraged an environment where we've really had to communicate, be completely open and honest and taken the time to really understand each others perspectives. It's asked some important questions of each of us. It's challenged us as a couple a few time with the end result of us better understanding each other and growing tighter. We're both on Spectrum, so naturally communication and how we express ourselves can be difficult to understand. So it's really helped us to figure each other out. Simply we are far more close and understand each other because of it. However it also means as well as having a wonderful relationship we both get to both openly explore and fulfil our own desires as a couple with the occasional side missions. Feeling free and liberated in a relationship is an awesome thing that finally feels like being home. Also almost counterintuitively to many that freedom comes from a place of security in our relationship and feels like security. A healthy relationship shouldn't feel like a cage.
Now just to point out you don't need to be swingers to have that in a relationship. We don't have all that because of swinging. We would still have a great relationship if we were vanilla (although I think because we are not vanilla people we'd have always ended up here anyway). However the environment has challenged us more and more frequently than maybe many in the vanilla world get. It's exposed suff in us many in vanilla relationships just hide or bypass. That exposure and experience has been of huge value to us.
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We met through this hobby...double figures of years ago. We find it enhances our relationship. Last night was a great example. We went to a party together and had group fun with others on a large bed...this morning we are both on a high and very affectionate with each other....It could be the shared endorphins, but who knows. A good meet or event has a positive effect on us.... |
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