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Scottish insults and put downs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Got caught up in a Billy connolly YouTube wormhole earlier, the man was class at the insult imo, A wee bit of fun for a Friday evening, one of my all time favourites has to be "Fannybaws", Whatcha got folks??   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head "
Also you can isert the word fuckin after the word ya for more emphasis on any of these  |
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"When I got a lucky shot playing pool against my dad
Your so lucky , if ya fell inty a barrel a shit, yed come oot smellin a roses.
"
Or... if you fell into the Clyde, you'd still come out with a salmon in yer mooth!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I got a lucky shot playing pool against my dad
Your so lucky , if ya fell inty a barrel a shit, yed come oot smellin a roses.
Or... if you fell into the Clyde, you'd still come out with a salmon in yer mooth!!"
Or turning that around, ye couldny get yer hole if ye landed in a barrel of fannies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good guy, good guy, wank, good guy, wank, wank, good guy.
Although not strictly Scottish it came from a Scottish show
The guys down south think its hilarious as they hadn't heard of it before . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good guy, good guy, wank, good guy, wank, wank, good guy.
Although not strictly Scottish it came from a Scottish show
The guys down south think its hilarious as they hadn't heard of it before . "
Wank |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good guy, good guy, wank, good guy, wank, wank, good guy.
Although not strictly Scottish it came from a Scottish show
The guys down south think its hilarious as they hadn't heard of it before .
Wank "
Can't see your profile but willing to take a chance on you.
OK then , yes please .  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Face like a well skelped erse/like bulldog licking piss off a nettle/Yiv a face like a skelpit erse, face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"
Face like a melted wellie |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That’s what happens when yer maw is constipated for 9months
She’s got a hole like the Clyde
Wouldn’t go near it with a ten foot barge pole
He defo came in on the banana boat
Canny fight yer way oot a paper bag
Yer patter is like water it runs
Mare cocks than the Tesco aisle
Fave like a well skelped arse
The village bike
Yer maw shoulda swallowed
Seem more bellends than weekends
Oh I could be here all day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head
Also you can isert the word fuckin after the word ya for more emphasis on any of these "
Fuck and it’s derivatives are the staple diet of Scottish vocabulary along with c@nt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head
Also you can isert the word fuckin after the word ya for more emphasis on any of these
Fuck and it’s derivatives are the staple diet of Scottish vocabulary along with c@nt "
Aye, in Glasgow cunt can be a greeting, a friendly hello. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head
Also you can isert the word fuckin after the word ya for more emphasis on any of these
Fuck and it’s derivatives are the staple diet of Scottish vocabulary along with c@nt
Aye, in Glasgow cunt can be a greeting, a friendly hello. "
As in "awryt ya cunt, how's things?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If we were moaning we were starving and asking what was fir dinner we'd get told "shite wi sugar oan it" or "corned mutton and cabbage" neither of which sound particularly appetizing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we were moaning we were starving and asking what was fir dinner we'd get told "shite wi sugar oan it" or "corned mutton and cabbage" neither of which sound particularly appetizing "
I always tell my kids shit with sugar on it or rat poison |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we were moaning we were starving and asking what was fir dinner we'd get told "shite wi sugar oan it" or "corned mutton and cabbage" neither of which sound particularly appetizing
I always tell my kids shit with sugar on it or rat poison "
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By *wingkingMan
over a year ago
Montrose & Glasgow |
“...looks like ane o’ thae kind o’ cunts that wid shite on yir doorstep, then ask ye fir paper to wipe their erse...”, or (especially for someone who has to deal with certain members of the public who might deserve a good kick up the backside) “ane o’ thae cu...(stomers?) that could dae wi’ a guid fung up the erse wi’ a steel toecap”. I can almost guarantee that most people will have had to deal with “neeps”(mainly stupid males) or “puddens”(usually stupid females).
(Other sayings and non-stupid people are available!) |
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By *wingkingMan
over a year ago
Montrose & Glasgow |
I also heard the following quotations, mainly to deflate the pompous people that like to boast of their own property:-
“We’ve got three bathrooms in our new house” would surely deserve the reply “ They must be helluva skittery-ersed hoors” or to the statement “We’ve got this top-model motor caravan” would get the response “Aye, and ye still shite in a bucket”, and to the allegedly small penis combined with an allegedly large vagina “It would be like throwing a chip up a close”. Please do not be offended as I doubt if anyone would have the nerve to say it to anyone.....or would they? |
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By *ljamMan
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I also heard the following quotations, mainly to deflate the pompous people that like to boast of their own property:-
“We’ve got three bathrooms in our new house” would surely deserve the reply “ They must be helluva skittery-ersed hoors” or to the statement “We’ve got this top-model motor caravan” would get the response “Aye, and ye still shite in a bucket”, and to the allegedly small penis combined with an allegedly large vagina “It would be like throwing a chip up a close”. Please do not be offended as I doubt if anyone would have the nerve to say it to anyone.....or would they?"
For the last one I've heard 'it's like flinging a sausage up sauchiehall street' |
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By *wingkingMan
over a year ago
Montrose & Glasgow |
I almost forgot the classic putdowns in my part of Scotland to certain people, mainly ladies, who now believe they are now in a higher rung of society than their more humble roots:-
“She’s no that perfect. She’ll likely hae a plook on her erse like abody else” or alternatively “Whits she so snobby aboot- does her shite nae stink?”
This could also apply to males, from any place or nation, religion, sexuality, skin colour, etc., etc., (cause I’m helluva politically correct!) |
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" how did you get fat every time i fucked you mother she gave me a kitkat   "
It’s like the line from Still Game
Bobby the Barman- Haw Jack you’ve put on some weight there
Jack - Aye I have Bobby - every time I shag your wife she makes me a sandwich |
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"Ya pure weapon!!
Hey I thought you were giving yourself a one week ban from the forums?!  What i said i wasn't starting any new threads for a week  "
Ye cannae keep a good man doon 
Or maybe an empty barrell makes the most noise . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take it no one here actually gre up on a scheme cause thes insults are shocking poor, who's had bud, Becks baseball bat brick etc for a lovely new post hahaha scheme chat beats it all the stories I can tell off my wee scheme it's better than this xx am I wrong pm? Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Take it no one here actually gre up on a scheme cause thes insults are shocking poor, who's had bud, Becks baseball bat brick etc for a lovely new post hahaha scheme chat beats it all the stories I can tell off my wee scheme it's better than this xx am I wrong pm? Xx"
Tried Google translate....but it didn't compute.
Are you saying someone smacked you on the nut with a baseball bat?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Take it no one here actually gre up on a scheme cause thes insults are shocking poor, who's had bud, Becks baseball bat brick etc for a lovely new post hahaha scheme chat beats it all the stories I can tell off my wee scheme it's better than this xx am I wrong pm? Xx
Pmsl there scheme burd
Tried Google translate....but it didn't compute.
Are you saying someone smacked you on the nut with a baseball bat?
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You really should have just remained a good wank rather than reaching the egg.
How did you escape from the tissue.
You should have stayed as a tadpole in yer dads baw sack.
One moments madness and you were born 12 pints of white lightening has a lot to answer for
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Insults that were regularly used in a Scottish regiment :
Eyes like piss holes in the snow.
Looney looking for a happening
Thick as shit , in the neck of a ginger bottle.
Not really Scottish in nature, but I recent overheard a college lecturer ask a student, ' 300,000 sperm in every spurt and you were the fastest ? ' Couldn't help but laugh . |
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