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Do you regret not having kids?
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I decided I didn't want kids when I was in my late teens/early 20s. People always laughed and said I would change my mind, but I'm now 30 and still very much intent on remaining childless.
Don't get me wrong, I think kids are great and I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews to bits, but I'm just not ready to completely devote my life to another little human being that depends on me physically, emotionally, financially etc etc. I don't think I ever will be. Besides, the world's just a huge fucking dumpster fire at the moment.
I guess I'm scared of regretting it when I'm older, but it would be equally as bad (if not worse) if I DID have kids and regretted it. Obviously you love your child(ren) more than life itself, but I've spoken to a few people who have admitted that parenthood isn't quite what they thought it would be.
If you're childless, have you ever doubted or second guessed your decision? Or are you happy you stuck with it? |
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I am 37 and still arguing with doctors to just please remove the risk after 20 years of being absolutely certain I would never want to breed.
Will I regret it when I'm older? I don't know for sure obviously. But I know now that as I approach 40 remaining childless has been the right choice for me. I love my life and my freedom. Poly means I can still have loving relationships with those who do want kids without it meaning massive compromises for either of us. I'm only alone when I choose to be. And I deeply value my independence and that of the people I adore.
I did once consider just doing it for the sake of a monogamous partner who wanted that life when I was much younger, but I'm happy that I chose to break up and let him find what he needed elsewhere instead 💜 |
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"I have never regretted my decision personally.
I have a lovely niece and nephew who I adore but it’s always nice to hand them back to my sister after a day out with them 😜"
It's so nice handing them back, isn't it! And getting to be the cool aunt/uncle that they always look forward to seeing  |
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"I'm going to answer this from the opposite perspective: I don't regret whatsoever having my son 🩶, but I regret the concept of having children."
The concept? As in, the societal pressure and it being made the "norm"? |
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"I am 37 and still arguing with doctors to just please remove the risk after 20 years of being absolutely certain I would never want to breed.
Will I regret it when I'm older? I don't know for sure obviously. But I know now that as I approach 40 remaining childless has been the right choice for me. I love my life and my freedom. Poly means I can still have loving relationships with those who do want kids without it meaning massive compromises for either of us. I'm only alone when I choose to be. And I deeply value my independence and that of the people I adore.
I did once consider just doing it for the sake of a monogamous partner who wanted that life when I was much younger, but I'm happy that I chose to break up and let him find what he needed elsewhere instead 💜"
Wow, that's a very mature approach and I'm sure required a significant amount of emotional strength to let someone go in order to stay true to yourself. I respect you a lot ❤️ |
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"I often think, when people worry about regretting being child free later in life, how many elderly people live alone and lonely, rarely seeing their kids?
I have kids. But that's a good point."
My own family are too smart to say this to me but I know of other women who get asked “ Who will look after you when you’re old?” And when I hear that I think of that and also surely it’s selfish to have children purely thinking that they can look after you when you’re old? Who’s actually doing that?! Daft response 😂 |
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"Not in the slightest. I love the flexibility I have in my life as a result of being child free and the fact that my free time isn’t spent running round after someone else. "
It's this! I'm able to book spontaneous trips away with a few days' notice, spend all my money on myself, don't have to worry about school runs or childcare etc. I have to admit, I do feel really free compared to friends and family who have kids. |
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"I often think, when people worry about regretting being child free later in life, how many elderly people live alone and lonely, rarely seeing their kids?
I have kids. But that's a good point.
My own family are too smart to say this to me but I know of other women who get asked “ Who will look after you when you’re old?” And when I hear that I think of that and also surely it’s selfish to have children purely thinking that they can look after you when you’re old? Who’s actually doing that?! Daft response 😂"
It is silly. This isn’t the 1930s.
When I’m old I’m going to live long as an incontinent vegetable cared for by the state. I’ve paid my taxes I want my moneys worth. |
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"I decided I didn't want kids when I was in my late teens/early 20s. People always laughed and said I would change my mind, but I'm now 30 and still very much intent on remaining childless.
Don't get me wrong, I think kids are great and I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews to bits, but I'm just not ready to completely devote my life to another little human being that depends on me physically, emotionally, financially etc etc. I don't think I ever will be. Besides, the world's just a huge fucking dumpster fire at the moment.
I guess I'm scared of regretting it when I'm older, but it would be equally as bad (if not worse) if I DID have kids and regretted it. Obviously you love your child(ren) more than life itself, but I've spoken to a few people who have admitted that parenthood isn't quite what they thought it would be.
If you're childless, have you ever doubted or second guessed your decision? Or are you happy you stuck with it? "
No regrets ,its your life live it ,I have kids and I love them but life is for living just enjoy what you do ,travel see some of the world be healthy and regret nothing. |
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"Absolutely no regrets for me. I am very very happy being an auntie, but i know i couldnt cope with having any myself. Having kids just wasnt something i ever felt a desire to do"
Being an auntie is amazing. I'm so happy to spend time with them and be an important part of their childhoods. But I'm also glad they don't depend on me. |
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"Sometimes I do. Be nice to think of a little Glow somewhere who probably hates me and will refuse to come over to the da
Oh that’s the plot of Star Wars. Bugger.
No im ok really. "
OK unrelated but Glow would actually be a really cute baby name 👀 |
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"If our parents told us the truth, humanity would end. "
Whenever I would fight with my mum as teen she'd always say "one day you'll have a daughter your age and you'll see I was right about this" and I guess my only regret is that I won't be able to prove her wrong 😒 |
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"Sometimes I do. Be nice to think of a little Glow somewhere who probably hates me and will refuse to come over to the da
Oh that’s the plot of Star Wars. Bugger.
No im ok really.
OK unrelated but Glow would actually be a really cute baby name 👀 "
Actually it would. Be super cute. |
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OP You are fighting the expectation of family and society plus having to defeat a fundamental of all life - the absolute purpose of all living things is to simply replicate DNA. I know women who have had or are having incredibly fulfilling lives without having had children. For the short time we have on this planet there is no doubt that having children will curtail what is possible to achieve in that time, let alone the financial burden. I look around sometimes and can’t help thinking there are women that should not have had children. If you have love to give and money to spare there is always nephews and nieces and countless children born to undeserving and awful parents that would treasure what you could give as a woman who has chosen not to have your own. |
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"Absolutely no regrets for me. I am very very happy being an auntie, but i know i couldnt cope with having any myself. Having kids just wasnt something i ever felt a desire to do
Being an auntie is amazing. I'm so happy to spend time with them and be an important part of their childhoods. But I'm also glad they don't depend on me. "
100%. I completely agree with your points in the initial post too.
My only slight twinge of regret is that my mum wont get to be a nana (my siblings are on my dads side, im my mums only child), but she knows that having kids isnt for me and is fine with that. |
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By *ickawitchCouple 14 weeks ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
Not even nearly. We were heavily involved in raising the nieces. But we always gave them back. .
We’re now well past 50 and happy with our lives.
Besides that this lifestyle isn’t conducive to kids . A house full of rescued animals is generally calmer haha |
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"Not even nearly. We were heavily involved in raising the nieces. But we always gave them back. .
We’re now well past 50 and happy with our lives.
Besides that this lifestyle isn’t conducive to kids . A house full of rescued animals is generally calmer haha "
I can't WAIT to own my own home. It's getting filled with cats, dogs, birds, hamsters, lizards - fuck it I'm sure I can find a capybara somewhere if I look hard enough. The whole entire zoo. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS 14 weeks ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
No.
I love phoning my friends and asking if they can hear the noise at my house and when they say no, reply isn't it nice having a quiet house? Or sending them pics of my freezer drawer full of Cornettos and telling them that they'll all be there when I get back from work.
I'll also admit that I'll probably be found dead, whereas one of their kids will find them after a fall and call an ambulance.  |
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"Not even nearly. We were heavily involved in raising the nieces. But we always gave them back. .
We’re now well past 50 and happy with our lives.
Besides that this lifestyle isn’t conducive to kids . A house full of rescued animals is generally calmer haha
I can't WAIT to own my own home. It's getting filled with cats, dogs, birds, hamsters, lizards - fuck it I'm sure I can find a capybara somewhere if I look hard enough. The whole entire zoo. "
Is there room for a 6ft 2", 265lb black gorilla 😎 |
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"I often think, when people worry about regretting being child free later in life, how many elderly people live alone and lonely, rarely seeing their kids?
I have kids. But that's a good point.
My own family are too smart to say this to me but I know of other women who get asked “ Who will look after you when you’re old?” And when I hear that I think of that and also surely it’s selfish to have children purely thinking that they can look after you when you’re old? Who’s actually doing that?! Daft response 😂
It is silly. This isn’t the 1930s.
When I’m old I’m going to live long as an incontinent vegetable cared for by the state. I’ve paid my taxes I want my moneys worth. "
I can't wait to be a crotchety old bag that just speaks the most foul truths and everyone's all like "omg it's so cute because she's old and stuff" |
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I have never felt any urge to have children. Having children strikes me as the sort of thing you need to be all-in on rather than having them for the sake of ticking a box off a list of experiences - no child deserves to grow up unwanted or resented.
I'm 50 now, still never felt the biological clock ticking. I still get told I'll regret it when I'm older and you know what? Maybe I will. I'll live with that regret though.
For now I enjoy my peace and enjoy my life and have no desire to change that. |
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"No.
I love phoning my friends and asking if they can hear the noise at my house and when they say no, reply isn't it nice having a quiet house? Or sending them pics of my freezer drawer full of Cornettos and telling them that they'll all be there when I get back from work.
I'll also admit that I'll probably be found dead, whereas one of their kids will find them after a fall and call an ambulance. "
Agree with everything apart from the drawer full of Cornettos. No chance it'll stay full for long even with just me   |
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I didn't want kids until my mum died. That changed everything for me. Sadly, in the 8 years since she died, I haven't been blessed with kids and, as I'm turning 40 in 5 days, I doubt I ever will.
I hate that a convinced myself I didn't want children. Every day my heart breaks a little more.
I think about all the experiences I'll never have and, it kills me. Just writing this has brought me to tears.
If I don't have anything immediate to think about, I'm torturing myself by thinking about all those moments I'll never have.
And to make matters worse, in the last 3 years, almost all of my friends have either got married, had kids, or had MORE kids... and I'm just sat at home with my cat who only shows me any affection at all when it's food time.
Right... I'm going to sit and have a very serious cry about the miserable state of my life... |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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I said the same thing when I was younger. In recent years I've been having regrets about it.
Kind of think I'd like to have a nipper or two eventually. Though now I'm 36, I don't know how likely it'll be. Need to find a special someone first... and having previous experience of dating apps etc, feels nigh on impossible. |
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"I didn't want kids until my mum died. That changed everything for me. Sadly, in the 8 years since she died, I haven't been blessed with kids and, as I'm turning 40 in 5 days, I doubt I ever will.
I hate that a convinced myself I didn't want children. Every day my heart breaks a little more.
I think about all the experiences I'll never have and, it kills me. Just writing this has brought me to tears.
If I don't have anything immediate to think about, I'm torturing myself by thinking about all those moments I'll never have.
And to make matters worse, in the last 3 years, almost all of my friends have either got married, had kids, or had MORE kids... and I'm just sat at home with my cat who only shows me any affection at all when it's food time.
Right... I'm going to sit and have a very serious cry about the miserable state of my life..."
Oh nooo, don't cry 
40 is not too late by any measure. Besides, there are other ways to be a parent - have you looked into adoption or fostering? It's getting more common for single parents to adopt x |
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My husband and I were never sure one way or the other so we opted for not having any... I've always said I'd rather regret not having children than regret having them. Not having children allows us the freedom to live the lives we do . Society is damn obsessed with procreation it gets on my nerves, particularly when people poke their nose into your choices. |
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"I decided I didn't want kids when I was in my late teens/early 20s. People always laughed and said I would change my mind, but I'm now 30 and still very much intent on remaining childless.
Don't get me wrong, I think kids are great and I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews to bits, but I'm just not ready to completely devote my life to another little human being that depends on me physically, emotionally, financially etc etc. I don't think I ever will be. Besides, the world's just a huge fucking dumpster fire at the moment.
I guess I'm scared of regretting it when I'm older, but it would be equally as bad (if not worse) if I DID have kids and regretted it. Obviously you love your child(ren) more than life itself, but I've spoken to a few people who have admitted that parenthood isn't quite what they thought it would be.
If you're childless, have you ever doubted or second guessed your decision? Or are you happy you stuck with it? No regrets ,its your life live it ,I have kids and I love them but life is for living just enjoy what you do ,travel see some of the world be healthy and regret nothing."
I love being able to travel on a whim! Only having to pay for my own ticket, getting only myself to the airport, doing what I want when I'm on holiday etc
Although I'm sure travelling with children and watching their little minds opening to new sights and cultures is equally as rewarding! |
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"Yes I regret it. It’s my only regret in life. Having said that I would’ve had to adopt. I might still do 🌈"
I've thought about fostering when I'm older and (hopefully) more stable. There are so many children already in the world that need loving homes. |
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"OP You are fighting the expectation of family and society plus having to defeat a fundamental of all life - the absolute purpose of all living things is to simply replicate DNA. I know women who have had or are having incredibly fulfilling lives without having had children. For the short time we have on this planet there is no doubt that having children will curtail what is possible to achieve in that time, let alone the financial burden. I look around sometimes and can’t help thinking there are women that should not have had children. If you have love to give and money to spare there is always nephews and nieces and countless children born to undeserving and awful parents that would treasure what you could give as a woman who has chosen not to have your own."
A very measured reply, and I love the approach of having more resources to give to others 
Do you think it's possible that some are simply evolving past the primal urge to procreate, and starting to recognise it as a choice? |
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I think over the past few years I would say I have regretted not having kids
I have had a great career but can't help think if I managed career and personal life things would have been different
I have a great niece and nephews so I am lucky still |
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I'm a Mother, had my first at 23 - what an utter shock. Had another at 31 - I was ready then and was a way better mother to my second. I'm not sure if people will regret not having them but, having them left me exhausted and now they are grown 36 and 28 I am happier than I have ever been. I found it a huge responsibility. I love them but, I'm not sure it was totally right for me. I adore the grandchildren. Ms |
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Absolutely not. I wanted kids when I was younger, but the older I get the more convinced I am that parenthood is not for me. For many many reasons.
As I wasn't able to get a procedure done myself, my husband had a vasectomy last year, and we are both still happy with this decision.
K |
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Absolutely not, I knew from about the age of 20 that I definitely didn’t want to have kids. I have never liked them and didn’t even like my own childhood.
I’ve been online dating for years and that is due in no small part to the fact I refuse to date anyone who has kids.
Like you, OP, many say they don’t mind other people’s kids. I do 😆 I don’t want them in my life in any capacity. I relish the peace, freedom, flexibility, tidy flat, money and everything else I have from being child free. Obviously I don’t begrudge others having children, I just think they should be kept in a warehouse on the Isle of Wight until they’re 25.
I obviously get endless comments about my life and views, although I suspect not nearly as many as childless women. It seems society at large thinks women are only on this planet to make babies and so I’m glad many more women are choosing what suits them best instead of just following their primal pathway.
I once got told by a women “You should embrace kids, you were one once.” What a pathetic argument. |
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"I have never felt any urge to have children. Having children strikes me as the sort of thing you need to be all-in on rather than having them for the sake of ticking a box off a list of experiences - no child deserves to grow up unwanted or resented.
I'm 50 now, still never felt the biological clock ticking. I still get told I'll regret it when I'm older and you know what? Maybe I will. I'll live with that regret though.
For now I enjoy my peace and enjoy my life and have no desire to change that."
Mad that people still feel the need to lecture you on this, I'm sorry to hear that  definitely better to regret not having them than to have them, and project that regret and resentment onto an innocent child. |
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"I said the same thing when I was younger. In recent years I've been having regrets about it.
Kind of think I'd like to have a nipper or two eventually. Though now I'm 36, I don't know how likely it'll be. Need to find a special someone first... and having previous experience of dating apps etc, feels nigh on impossible."
At 36, it's still very likely! |
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"My husband and I were never sure one way or the other so we opted for not having any... I've always said I'd rather regret not having children than regret having them. Not having children allows us the freedom to live the lives we do . Society is damn obsessed with procreation it gets on my nerves, particularly when people poke their nose into your choices."
Personally, I don't see it as being obsessed with procreation. It's more that some people seem to get uncomfortable by those who make a decision outside the "norm" and are steadfast about it. |
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"OP You are fighting the expectation of family and society plus having to defeat a fundamental of all life - the absolute purpose of all living things is to simply replicate DNA. I know women who have had or are having incredibly fulfilling lives without having had children. For the short time we have on this planet there is no doubt that having children will curtail what is possible to achieve in that time, let alone the financial burden. I look around sometimes and can’t help thinking there are women that should not have had children. If you have love to give and money to spare there is always nephews and nieces and countless children born to undeserving and awful parents that would treasure what you could give as a woman who has chosen not to have your own.
A very measured reply, and I love the approach of having more resources to give to others
Do you think it's possible that some are simply evolving past the primal urge to procreate, and starting to recognise it as a choice? "
We are evolving - historically the various practical needs and benefits for having children (their labour, care and support for elderly parents, continued retention of property and land etc) is not crucial / no longer applies in the western world. Religious responsibility is disappearing… having children can now be a choice |
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"Nope, not in the slightest especially when I look at the world we live in. Why would I want to bring something into this house of horror?"
SO fucking horrible isn't it I suppose the world's always been shit tbf. Just feels especially bad right now. |
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I don't have any children of my own, not through any choice of my own, it's just not been an issue with me for various reasons as in I haven't been in a steady relationship when I was younger. Now I am older I want any children of my own now and I don't want to adopt I am happy as I am now.
As far as who will look after me when I'm older? That's simple it'll either be some poor nurse in an old peoples home or it will be Satan as I know that I won't be going upstairs when I die?
Also IF I did have children of my own, there's no way would I like them to wipe my arse or whatever when I am old and infirm. How absolutely abhorrent to even think about putting someone you love through that, just because you think they should be doing that for you. |
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"Nope, not in the slightest especially when I look at the world we live in. Why would I want to bring something into this house of horror?
SO fucking horrible isn't it I suppose the world's always been shit tbf. Just feels especially bad right now. "
Off topic, I was saying this the other day to a forumite, had the world always been this bad and the invention of the internet just made knowledge of it more accessible or has the internet created the problems? |
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By *ustBoWoman 14 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
No I don't regret not having children. There's a lot of different health issues that run in my family so I'm glad I haven't been responsible for passing the risk of those onto another person. |
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"Nope, not in the slightest especially when I look at the world we live in. Why would I want to bring something into this house of horror?
SO fucking horrible isn't it I suppose the world's always been shit tbf. Just feels especially bad right now.
Off topic, I was saying this the other day to a forumite, had the world always been this bad and the invention of the internet just made knowledge of it more accessible or has the internet created the problems? "
Yeah it's always been horrible. Sl@very, crusades, wars, invasions. Shrinking space (ie increased global networks) has just meant news travels faster, and people are generally more clued in to current events.
Also, it's all relative, and our definition of "shit" has shifted. Rising house prices and the state of the job market wouldn't mean jack to someone getting beheaded for stealing a loaf of bread in the 16th century. For example. |
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"My husband and I were never sure one way or the other so we opted for not having any... I've always said I'd rather regret not having children than regret having them. Not having children allows us the freedom to live the lives we do . Society is damn obsessed with procreation it gets on my nerves, particularly when people poke their nose into your choices.
Personally, I don't see it as being obsessed with procreation. It's more that some people seem to get uncomfortable by those who make a decision outside the "norm" and are steadfast about it. "
I find it ridiculous when people pull the "you're so selfish for not having kids" card. What's so selfish about not bringing another human being into an already overpopulated world?
Also isn't one of the reasons for having kids that you want someone to continue your bloodline? Who's the selfish one now? 
K |
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"My husband and I were never sure one way or the other so we opted for not having any... I've always said I'd rather regret not having children than regret having them. Not having children allows us the freedom to live the lives we do . Society is damn obsessed with procreation it gets on my nerves, particularly when people poke their nose into your choices.
Personally, I don't see it as being obsessed with procreation. It's more that some people seem to get uncomfortable by those who make a decision outside the "norm" and are steadfast about it.
I find it ridiculous when people pull the "you're so selfish for not having kids" card. What's so selfish about not bringing another human being into an already overpopulated world?
Also isn't one of the reasons for having kids that you want someone to continue your bloodline? Who's the selfish one now?
K"
Wasn't it the Pope who said once that the current generation is selfish for choosing to get pets, instead of putting those resources into children?
As if our penchant for buying avocado toast over houses doesn't make us selfish enough |
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The funny thing about having kids is
Its a lottery to the kind of child you will get. A total unknown how they will turn out. It could be a blessing or a nightmare.
You have to give up the next 15 years maybe more as a minimum to care for them.
More expense, food, clothes, after school classes, birthday parties, holidays, all equally more money.
As both parents invest time and emotions into the kids, something has to drop down the list.. Sometimes that can be the relationship.
Also the world can be a horrible place. Housing, healthcare, employment all highly saturated.
So I don't have any issues with someone not wanting children. Its definitely a personal choice.
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"I think over the past few years I would say I have regretted not having kids
I have had a great career but can't help think if I managed career and personal life things would have been different
I have a great niece and nephews so I am lucky still "
It's kind of unhinged how secure people have to be/feel to even entertain the possibility of kids. Why are they so fucking expensive  |
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"I'm a Mother, had my first at 23 - what an utter shock. Had another at 31 - I was ready then and was a way better mother to my second. I'm not sure if people will regret not having them but, having them left me exhausted and now they are grown 36 and 28 I am happier than I have ever been. I found it a huge responsibility. I love them but, I'm not sure it was totally right for me. I adore the grandchildren. Ms"
How do you define being a "better" mother? As long as you're doing your best and making your kid feel loved and valued that's all that counts surely? X |
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"Absolutely not. I wanted kids when I was younger, but the older I get the more convinced I am that parenthood is not for me. For many many reasons.
As I wasn't able to get a procedure done myself, my husband had a vasectomy last year, and we are both still happy with this decision.
K"
Must be so freeing to be able to set your decision in stone! |
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I do have them, and if I am honest I have sometimes regretted it bitterly. It is constantly challenging and it limits your personal freedom and feeling of autonomy massively. That may sound obvious, but like many things you only really understand the magnitude and impact of the effects when you experience them personally. Consider the difficulty of a man conveying the pain of a full blown kick in the balls to a woman, or a woman the experience of childbirth to a man. However, it is satisfying and gives you a genuine feeling of hope when you watch them do well at something. Like a few of the other commentators, I worry about their future, but I think it was ever thus. For my grandparents’ generation it was the deprivations of world war 2 and the post war period, for my parents’ generation it was the threat of nuclear war, and for my generation it’s the threat of catastrophic climate change. You have to own your choice I suppose. |
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"I think over the past few years I would say I have regretted not having kids
I have had a great career but can't help think if I managed career and personal life things would have been different
I have a great niece and nephews so I am lucky still
It's kind of unhinged how secure people have to be/feel to even entertain the possibility of kids. Why are they so fucking expensive "
It's not really the kids. It's society, it's pressure to do well in school or pressure to give them more opportunities. It's moving away from playing out to online play with devices that cost a lot of money. It's having to buy uniforms, to the cost of holidays.
If you have a amazing relationship with someone and neither what kids.... Enjoy it and don't be ashamed in anyway. |
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"Parenthood was exactly how I imagined it. The reality of an immature father was not. If I had foresight, as to what fatherhood would turn him into, I wouldn't have bothered having kids. "
Definitely not the first time I've heard this. Have you ever heard of the 4B movement? Women who are part of it are refusing to date, marry or have children with men.
It's said to have originated in South Korea, where birth rates are currently staggeringly low. Not gonna lie, there's something incredibly poetic about women just going "fuck it, if these men aren't gonna share the responsibility of parenthood or even treat me as an actual valuable human being I'm just gonna make humans go extinct".
Beautiful 👌 |
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"I'm a Mother, had my first at 23 - what an utter shock. Had another at 31 - I was ready then and was a way better mother to my second. I'm not sure if people will regret not having them but, having them left me exhausted and now they are grown 36 and 28 I am happier than I have ever been. I found it a huge responsibility. I love them but, I'm not sure it was totally right for me. I adore the grandchildren. Ms
How do you define being a "better" mother? As long as you're doing your best and making your kid feel loved and valued that's all that counts surely? X"
I was less resentful, I didn't struggle with post-natal depression and enjoyed her. I regret not being open about the depression, I am sure it effected my son which I deeply regret. |
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Pre warning, this could be lengthy and I'll open up a bit.
I always thought I wanted kids. The women I've dated in the past were a mixture of single mothers or didn't have kids at all.
I enjoyed being "dad". Teaching kids new skills, helping them with life's little conundrums and being a figure they could talk to about anything and everything they wanted to. It felt like an honour so the yearning to have my own faded. One thing and another happened so we would separate. Broke my heart leaving the kids behind but life goes on. Never heard from the kids again. Fair play. It would have been hard for them too.
Then I met other women that didn't want to be mother's. Cool. Not going to be an asshole and change their mind. However I still wanted kids but just accepted it wasn't on the cards for me. As I've gotten older I've been diagnosed with a few mental issues that can be passed on. So the question is then do I want my own flesh and blood to live a life like I have and become quite good at hiding feelings etc etc. Do I want them to grow up in the world we have now? So I came to the conclusion that maybe a mini me should just remain as it is and where it is.
Sorry for the length soppy bit. I'm in a strange mood lol |
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On the flip side I wouldn’t change a thing I’ve 4 girls and there my world I don’t regret a thing and couldn’t sell life without them knowing I’ll be there for them to look after them no matter what and mine range from 2 months to 19years and yes I’m single again |
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By *ornycougaWoman 14 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
I didn't want kids but found myself facing an unplanned pregnancy. If it hadn't happened I don't think I would have planned to have kids ever and my life would have taken a very different path. As it happened, I decided to have the baby knowing that I would learn to love them and live a life of no regret. I've done exactly that. I'd die for my kids but I also love the freedom and the disposable income that I have now they are adults. I'd have had that a long time ago if it wasn't for that d*unken Christmas shag! |
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"I didn't want kids but found myself facing an unplanned pregnancy. If it hadn't happened I don't think I would have planned to have kids ever and my life would have taken a very different path. As it happened, I decided to have the baby knowing that I would learn to love them and live a life of no regret. I've done exactly that. I'd die for my kids but I also love the freedom and the disposable income that I have now they are adults. I'd have had that a long time ago if it wasn't for that d*unken Christmas shag! "
Hopefully it was a good shag |
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37 now and don't regret not having kids at all out of choice, despite being the eldest of 4 and being the only one who hasn't had any, to the familys dissapointment.
Obviously people with kids wont always admit how hard it is or god forbid that they regret their choice.
My family is huge and I adore my nieces and nephews but I love my freedom and peaceful life. |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"I decided I didn't want kids when I was in my late teens/early 20s. People always laughed and said I would change my mind, but I'm now 30 and still very much intent on remaining childless.
Don't get me wrong, I think kids are great and I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews to bits, but I'm just not ready to completely devote my life to another little human being that depends on me physically, emotionally, financially etc etc. I don't think I ever will be. Besides, the world's just a huge fucking dumpster fire at the moment.
I guess I'm scared of regretting it when I'm older, but it would be equally as bad (if not worse) if I DID have kids and regretted it. Obviously you love your child(ren) more than life itself, but I've spoken to a few people who have admitted that parenthood isn't quite what they thought it would be.
If you're childless, have you ever doubted or second guessed your decision? Or are you happy you stuck with it? "
43, childless and very much happy with my choice. I love children, but I couldn't have lived the life I lived, had I had any.
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I've always wanted children from when I was a teenager and have never regretted having them, they and the grandchildren bring so much joy to my life. Not been a bed of roses but that's life.
I do however totally respect and applaud those that take the path of being childless. They are enough unwanted children and terrible parents out there as it is. That doesn't mean everyone who doesn't want children would be a terrible parent btw.
As for the "I don't want to bring children into such a terrible world" brigade. What's so terrible about the times we live in now compared to the past? We've never had it so good. If you think not name a better period of time 🤷🏾♂️ |
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Can’t say I regret it. There are times when I think what if but then remember my life my flexibility and freedom. Then I speak to friends with kids and as much as they love it and wouldn’t change it it’s hard work. I used to always say am I selfish for not having them and someone said selfish would have been having them and continuing with my lifestyle. |
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I don't regret having kids. It's pretty much what I expected to be, which wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I have to admit they managed to exceed my expectations on both ends of the spectrum.
It's definitely something I wouldn't do because I was curious to find out and that's without going through pregnancy. |
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I’m 38, I don’t have kids and do not regret my choice at all. There’s only one time in my life where I considered it and it was because I was so head over heels in love with someone at the time and I wanted something that was part of me and part of him. But it would have been a terrible decision, knowing now how that relationship turned out. I have a niece who I adore and don’t doubt that children can bring so much joy, but I like being able to pass her back to her parents and going back to my quiet, peaceful, relatively stress-free life, where my time and money are my own, to spend as I like. Plus, I love my sleep and couldn’t cope with having broken sleep for god knows long  |
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I wanted a vasectomy when I was ~21, because I didn't want kids. They wouldn't let me do it.
Today, being a father is the most important thing I am. It defines me as a person, and it's a role I embody naturally and completely. Had I never become a father, I would have either regretted it deeply - or else, continued to wander, and wonder what I'm meant to be doing with my life, continuing to be a stranger to existence that never really fit in anywhere or doing anything. It is my meaning and my purpose, and a duty I take pride in.
I do still believe they should have allowed me to do it, and that they should allow anyone else to do it if they really want to. Bodily autonomy is sacrosanct, and the possibility of regret is something everyone can consider for themselves against all the other possibilities and probabilities they don't want in their lives. |
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Op you speak about travel a lot. My girl has only just turned 2 and been to 7 countries. I love traveling, she comes with. It's no big planning feat. I've done backpacking, road trips and whatnot. There isn't much I can't do now that I did before.
Sure I don't meet on fab (or anywhere else for that matter) bc of logistics but really I don't miss it. Plus we co sleep and she's a great bed buddy |
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I never wanted kids until my 1st nephew arrived then I got told at the age of 22 I couldn't or have difficulty getting pregnant,n didn't have the money to go down the alternative roots, now I'm nearly 40 I don't want them as I see the future being very difficult for them |
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By *929Man 14 weeks ago
newcastle |
I never wanted kids my first was unplanned, being total honest I didn’t feel anything at the birth or for the first few months at least, later on I’m so glad I did and because I had mine younger I have a lot of freedom now they 15 and 17 while all my mates are still raising theirs |
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"Op you speak about travel a lot. My girl has only just turned 2 and been to 7 countries. I love traveling, she comes with. It's no big planning feat. I've done backpacking, road trips and whatnot. There isn't much I can't do now that I did before.
Sure I don't meet on fab (or anywhere else for that matter) bc of logistics but really I don't miss it. Plus we co sleep and she's a great bed buddy "
Ohh cute! Of course I don't think it's impossible to take your children travelling, I just think for most people it definitely makes things harder (especially financially).
Your little backpacking baby sounds super adorable though! 😍 |
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Ooof. How I feel about having had children? It's a topic I keep well boxed off in my brain, for fear of actually thinking about it.
I've ended up devoting my entire adult life, from age 16 to present, on child rearing and it's come at the expense of my health and body. My first pregnancy was unplanned. My second was very much planned. Second time round left me disabled.
I really don't know what I'd choose now, if I could go back in time. And THAT makes me feel horribly guilty because I love my children.
Here endeth the TED Talk while I go and remove that part of my brain again. |
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"Ooof. How I feel about having had children? It's a topic I keep well boxed off in my brain, for fear of actually thinking about it.
I've ended up devoting my entire adult life, from age 16 to present, on child rearing and it's come at the expense of my health and body. My first pregnancy was unplanned. My second was very much planned. Second time round left me disabled.
I really don't know what I'd choose now, if I could go back in time. And THAT makes me feel horribly guilty because I love my children.
Here endeth the TED Talk while I go and remove that part of my brain again. "
Fair play to you madam. |
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"I decided I didn't want kids when I was in my late teens/early 20s. People always laughed and said I would change my mind, but I'm now 30 and still very much intent on remaining childless.
Don't get me wrong, I think kids are great and I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews to bits, but I'm just not ready to completely devote my life to another little human being that depends on me physically, emotionally, financially etc etc. I don't think I ever will be. Besides, the world's just a huge fucking dumpster fire at the moment.
I guess I'm scared of regretting it when I'm older, but it would be equally as bad (if not worse) if I DID have kids and regretted it. Obviously you love your child(ren) more than life itself, but I've spoken to a few people who have admitted that parenthood isn't quite what they thought it would be.
If you're childless, have you ever doubted or second guessed your decision? Or are you happy you stuck with it? "
I think there aren’t many who regret having kids. My youngest can drive me mad and life would be simpler without them but I wouldn’t change it and love them more than anything. |
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3 by the age of 27 and would have more if we could afford it without the carnage of 7 seater cars ect i cant get my head around how boring life must be with all that spare time on your hands lol but each to there own, cant wait to do it all iver again with the grandkiddos |
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Sorry, was busy sitting in my nice, clean, quiet house- not watching pepper pig for the 76th time...instead i was looking at holidays to South America and sports cars and contemplating a lie in on Saturday....what was the question again?  |
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I’ve never had a single regret of having kids. It’s all I’ve known for the past 14 years. It’s challenging at times mainly having little freedom as it’s just me and them.
But watching them grow makes me proud and happy. I love been a mum, and making memories with them. Holidays, festivals, gigs, football, hiking…life is still fun xx |
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By *tanCouple 14 weeks ago
Oxfordshire |
Interesting, I’m 50 so should be getting to the regretting stage now. But I don’t, not really. My only ‘thing’ is that I look at my friends with kids and they all have such purpose, an aim. It maybe an odd one, but one nonetheless. And me? Another holiday? Lovely but not as essential. |
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"I’ve never had a single regret of having kids. It’s all I’ve known for the past 14 years. It’s challenging at times mainly having little freedom as it’s just me and them.
But watching them grow makes me proud and happy. I love been a mum, and making memories with them. Holidays, festivals, gigs, football, hiking…life is still fun xx"
It is the memories that count the most x |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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I'm slightly curious as to how things would have been, if I had become a father earlier in my life. But overall, it's never been a high priority.
Surprised I haven't in previous relationships, to be fair. But hey, it wouldn't have made them any better. 😅
I think having misophonia has always been the main deterrent as well lol. I struggle badly with external noise, especially kids. Whether they were mine or not wouldn't change the reaction I have when it triggers.
But I'm happy to be a dad/friend to somebody else's, whenever I get into a relationship with a person who has them already.
That's good enough for me. 😊 |
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For us our kids are just the best thing.
Then shortly afterwards the complete worst!
Then the best again, and so it goes on life's great rollercoaster ride.
No regrets after four. Still got the sports car (a cheap one). Still had the foreign holidays (in excitingly cheap places).
The only comment in this thread that left us scratching heads was somebody said something like "and you can't affect how they turn out". You certainly can and you certainly do... whether consciously or not...and all the aunts and uncles and friends do too.
X |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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Yes, basically didn’t grow up till I was about 37 by then I had sicken my ex wife off, she now has 3 children, and I’m gutted, what makes it worse is we still love one another, but now in scenarios where neither of us can change.
I’m gutted at the thought I can never hold my own child and raise one myself. |
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Different point here but I wish there was less pressure on people to have children. People just assume you will/should and that's not right. It is your choice and we shouldn't assume that everyone will have kids. |
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This topic conflicts me..
I'm glad I didn't have kids, as the truth is when I was in addiction they would have been a hindrance, and very low down on the priority scale, I would have stile off them, took them to crack houses and out shoplifting, so I'm grateful I dont have to live with the guilt of doing that to them.
However, now that I'm clean, I don't regret not having kids, what I regret is my lifes choices and decisions, that put a massive barriers in the way of having kids.
I have made my peace with not having kids, I get to enjoy my nephews, without all the responsibilities..
Mr |
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"Not even nearly. We were heavily involved in raising the nieces. But we always gave them back. .
We’re now well past 50 and happy with our lives.
Besides that this lifestyle isn’t conducive to kids . A house full of rescued animals is generally calmer haha
I can't WAIT to own my own home. It's getting filled with cats, dogs, birds, hamsters, lizards - fuck it I'm sure I can find a capybara somewhere if I look hard enough. The whole entire zoo. "
I would never have an animal in my home they just crap and pee everywhere they can't talk to you ,they just need you for food and you can't leave them for a week so just like having kids really except they can't talk ,dogs have the annoying bark bark mind. |
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Neither of us have ever felt like having kids is something that would fill a gap in our lives. We've been together for 25 years and we still get people telling us we'll change our minds soon
In the best way, I think we're too selfish to have kids. We have a really nice life where we can be spontaneous and treat ourselves and we're able to avoid a lot of stress. I think we'd resent the impact to our lives that adding a kid to that would have and that wouldn't be fair on anyone. |
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Now I am in my 40s I would like kids Ha probably to late now though as would require me dating a woman in her 30s And well being a trans woman is hard enough in life let alone being one trying to have/find a woman for a relationship etc
Though you never know what may happen in life I guess . |
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Three kids from my marriage, fully grown now.
By far the most enjoyable thing I've ever done, and the hardest work.
I sincerely hope they won't visit me when I'm old, decrepit, and smelly out of any misplaced sense of duty, but would visit me only if they got something out of it. |
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Unplanned pregnancy at 18, single parent from pre-birth. Luckily lots of family support on both sides, and I've never missed out on any life experiences I've wanted due to that. Now my 'child' is 26, and I'm a grandparent several times over. I've no regrets and just winged most of it during the journey |
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Not one bit, I’m just not paternal at all. I have raised kids that weren’t mine and all I did for years was clean up, cook, wash clothes and generally be treated like a servant. Now I’m no longer tied I can afford 5 holidays a year, work where I want, when I want, watch what I want and spend time with who I want without worrying about anything. I don’t miss the company at all, I’m a solo creature and enjoy the peace. |
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"I didn't want kids until my mum died. That changed everything for me. Sadly, in the 8 years since she died, I haven't been blessed with kids and, as I'm turning 40 in 5 days, I doubt I ever will.
I hate that a convinced myself I didn't want children. Every day my heart breaks a little more.
I think about all the experiences I'll never have and, it kills me. Just writing this has brought me to tears.
If I don't have anything immediate to think about, I'm torturing myself by thinking about all those moments I'll never have.
And to make matters worse, in the last 3 years, almost all of my friends have either got married, had kids, or had MORE kids... and I'm just sat at home with my cat who only shows me any affection at all when it's food time.
Right... I'm going to sit and have a very serious cry about the miserable state of my life..."
Two of my friends married late in life, they are both fathers at the age of 53. One of them has 3 kids under 6. Yes their wives are a bit younger (mid 30s)
Don't sweat it. |
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"Not one bit, I’m just not paternal at all. I have raised kids that weren’t mine and all I did for years was clean up, cook, wash clothes and generally be treated like a servant. Now I’m no longer tied I can afford 5 holidays a year, work where I want, when I want, watch what I want and spend time with who I want without worrying about anything. I don’t miss the company at all, I’m a solo creature and enjoy the peace."
This is the hardest thing about being child free yourself and having relationships with someone with younger kids. When you have kids, you accept that you will be running around after them domestically and supporting their education, their hobbies, their friendships. But when it’s not your own child, you don’t get the same level of reward even if you do the jobs.
With my last ex, we went on a big camping trip with his own youngest child and his siblings who all had children of similar ages. They were all really surprised when I declined to visit the arcades. They fully understood the lack of interest in the noise, the crowds, the overexcited kids running around, etc, but for them that’s counteracted by seeing their child enjoying themselves. For me, nice as it was to see my stepson having fun, it just isn’t to the same level. |
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"Ooof. How I feel about having had children? It's a topic I keep well boxed off in my brain, for fear of actually thinking about it.
I've ended up devoting my entire adult life, from age 16 to present, on child rearing and it's come at the expense of my health and body. My first pregnancy was unplanned. My second was very much planned. Second time round left me disabled.
I really don't know what I'd choose now, if I could go back in time. And THAT makes me feel horribly guilty because I love my children.
Here endeth the TED Talk while I go and remove that part of my brain again. "
Please don't feel guilty, your situation is incredibly nuanced and your feelings are perfectly valid. Your children are so lucky to have you |
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"For us our kids are just the best thing.
Then shortly afterwards the complete worst!
Then the best again, and so it goes on life's great rollercoaster ride.
No regrets after four. Still got the sports car (a cheap one). Still had the foreign holidays (in excitingly cheap places).
The only comment in this thread that left us scratching heads was somebody said something like "and you can't affect how they turn out". You certainly can and you certainly do... whether consciously or not...and all the aunts and uncles and friends do too.
X"
Takes a village! X |
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"Three kids from my marriage, fully grown now.
By far the most enjoyable thing I've ever done, and the hardest work.
I sincerely hope they won't visit me when I'm old, decrepit, and smelly out of any misplaced sense of duty, but would visit me only if they got something out of it."
That’s why nannas slip you £10 notes when you visit 🥰 |
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"I often think, when people worry about regretting being child free later in life, how many elderly people live alone and lonely, rarely seeing their kids?
I have kids. But that's a good point.
My own family are too smart to say this to me but I know of other women who get asked “ Who will look after you when you’re old?” And when I hear that I think of that and also surely it’s selfish to have children purely thinking that they can look after you when you’re old? Who’s actually doing that?! Daft response 😂"
I love my kids, but I don't fully trust them..they already talk about booking me in for a one way holiday to Switzerland |
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"I don't have any children of my own, not through any choice of my own, it's just not been an issue with me for various reasons as in I haven't been in a steady relationship when I was younger. Now I am older I want any children of my own now and I don't want to adopt I am happy as I am now.
As far as who will look after me when I'm older? That's simple it'll either be some poor nurse in an old peoples home or it will be Satan as I know that I won't be going upstairs when I die?
Also IF I did have children of my own, there's no way would I like them to wipe my arse or whatever when I am old and infirm. How absolutely abhorrent to even think about putting someone you love through that, just because you think they should be doing that for you."
I have kids and I'd hate for them to feel obliged to "care" for me in old age. I had them through choice and they didn't have any say in that. They don't owe me. I've never understood that mentality. |
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"I often think, when people worry about regretting being child free later in life, how many elderly people live alone and lonely, rarely seeing their kids?
I have kids. But that's a good point.
My own family are too smart to say this to me but I know of other women who get asked “ Who will look after you when you’re old?” And when I hear that I think of that and also surely it’s selfish to have children purely thinking that they can look after you when you’re old? Who’s actually doing that?! Daft response 😂I love my kids, but I don't fully trust them..they already talk about booking me in for a one way holiday to Switzerland "
I've heard Zurich is lovely this time of year |
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I've never regretted it, OP. I, too, knew from a young age that I never wanted them.
I used to think I was too selfish and set in my ways but now I realise I was just putting me first & there's nowt wrong with that! |
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Definitely not. Had the snip at the first opportunity.
Ultimately, you can change your mind about having a kids (especially with adoption) at any time.
But if you have one and change your mind you have the legal, moral and social responsibility with very difficult choices to make. |
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