FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > A Question Of Confidence…
A Question Of Confidence…
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Ey up good folks 😃
The analogous anonymity bestowed upon us via online interaction may often serve to augment/‘boost’ many people’s natural confidence levels.
Indeed and by way of verifying this point, how many folks simply walk up to random strangers in the street and immediately enquire if they would like to engage in relations of a carnal nature with them?
In relation to the above, a simple question therefore my fine peeps:
How confident are you in the ‘real world’ so to speak, as regards approaching and instigating communication with someone who has caught your eye? 🙂 |
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For me internet has in some ways removed this.
A wink or a message where on the whole you’re unaccountable for it seems to be a lot easier than actual physical communication skills
I met someone once who conversed amazingly online but face to face said she felt at a loss without being able to type it or use her phone, or maybe I was just that ugly she didn’t want to talk to me face to face
I think that we assume, correctly or not, that if someone is on a platform such as this that much of the interface of small talk is removed.
As we all want the same thing, don’t we 🤣🤣 |
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By *hilloutMan 15 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
About as confident as I am on here. No qualms with making the first move.
Few people have this first initial effect in real life however.
Here it's different as you see a lot more of the person, both physically, and if they use the forums, how they carry themselves. It makes the initial approach easier I'd say. |
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Sadly, if you don't practice chatting with others you eventually loose confidence.
Not just in the swingers world but normal vanilla interaction too.
In short, you become socially inept.
If you don't feel confident try chatting to people who will easily respond.
We have just had a weekend away in Wales and we spoke to loads of folks on the beach who had a dog, ask what breed, how old, say how beautiful the dog is and then say have a lovely day with a big smile and a bye.
It builds up your confidence in a fool proof arena.
Most people we have found who are socially inept are generally sexually inept too.
Both very sad. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 15 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Ey up good folks 😃
The analogous anonymity bestowed upon us via online interaction may often serve to augment/‘boost’ many people’s natural confidence levels.
Indeed and by way of verifying this point, how many folks simply walk up to random strangers in the street and immediately enquire if they would like to engage in relations of a carnal nature with them?
In relation to the above, a simple question therefore my fine peeps:
How confident are you in the ‘real world’ so to speak, as regards approaching and instigating communication with someone who has caught your eye? 🙂"
I'm confident.
But the thought of walking up to a random stranger in the street and asking if they'd like to fuck?
I can imagine the reaction now.
There's a major difference between making contact on a swingers website and approaching a complete stranger in a vanilla environment and discussing sex.
I'd have assumed that was obvious, but maybe not......🤷♂️🤷♂️ |
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I’m a lot more confident offline than I am on. That said I’m always mindful that a negative response in person can be much worse than online, so I’ve become quite disinterested in approaching people offline. I just don’t want the drama.. |
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"Ey up good folks 😃
The analogous anonymity bestowed upon us via online interaction may often serve to augment/‘boost’ many people’s natural confidence levels.
Indeed and by way of verifying this point, how many folks simply walk up to random strangers in the street and immediately enquire if they would like to engage in relations of a carnal nature with them?
In relation to the above, a simple question therefore my fine peeps:
How confident are you in the ‘real world’ so to speak, as regards approaching and instigating communication with someone who has caught your eye? 🙂
I'm confident.
But the thought of walking up to a random stranger in the street and asking if they'd like to fuck?
I can imagine the reaction now.
There's a major difference between making contact on a swingers website and approaching a complete stranger in a vanilla environment and discussing sex.
I'd have assumed that was obvious, but maybe not......🤷♂️🤷♂️"
Of course; I imply the social act of simply approaching and subsequently breaking the proverbial ice with strangers as opposed to randomly propositioning them for sexual liaisons (which enters the murky waters of sexual harassment after all - and not something I’d ever advocate) |
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I'm far more engaging offline than online, which gives me enough confidence to strike up conversations with anyone who looks like they're up for a chat.
Creating a rapport with people is part of my job, and it's a part I'm good at.
To balance that I'm shit at flirting (truly abysmal) and not great at recognising when someone else is flirting with me, so the chances of me turning that conversation into anything more aren't great. |
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i find my confidence slipping on line, lack of physical signs of receipt of information.
I love meeting with people, its part of my job as well, so i happily engage and give a lot of attention to people. Asking for anything - yea well perhaps not quite that confident  |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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I'm absolutely awful at approaching people in real life. I overthink it and almost try too hard too hard to be myself to the point we'd both come away thinking "what the actual fuck was that?" |
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I have yet to find someone physically attractive in the UK to approach completely off looks alone.. therefore I approach based on a mutual interest and dependent on the environment and go from there. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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At a club I can walk up to anyone and start a conversation. In the real world I have nothing to say other than," did you see that ludicrous display last night?" "The thing about Arsenal is that they always try a walk it in"
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"Sadly, if you don't practice chatting with others you eventually loose confidence.
Not just in the swingers world but normal vanilla interaction too.
In short, you become socially inept.
If you don't feel confident try chatting to people who will easily respond.
We have just had a weekend away in Wales and we spoke to loads of folks on the beach who had a dog, ask what breed, how old, say how beautiful the dog is and then say have a lovely day with a big smile and a bye.
It builds up your confidence in a fool proof arena.
Most people we have found who are socially inept are generally sexually inept too.
Both very sad. "
I don’t appreciate being randomly approached by strangers in public. I know that is one of the pitfalls of dog ownership so I am mindful where I walk so I can enjoy my walk.
It’s not that people are socially inept they may choose not to engage. I see many who are always on their phones while out and about it’s just the way society is these days. |
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Ooooohhh...tough one to answer OP.
Physically, I'm not magnetic. A teeny bit.
However, once I engage someone in conversation, eye contact, body language etc, I'm too magnetic.
So my issue isn't really confidence about people wanting to be with me - it's more that they get a bit too addicted to me and want far more ongoing contact than I enjoy (mentally, emotionally, socially, physically).
So I manage my interactions in a way that prevents others from getting too big a blast of "me", and losing their heads in a way that's unhealthy for them and onerous for me.
Confidence isn't an issue - consequences are. |
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"Sadly, if you don't practice chatting with others you eventually loose confidence.
Not just in the swingers world but normal vanilla interaction too.
In short, you become socially inept.
If you don't feel confident try chatting to people who will easily respond.
We have just had a weekend away in Wales and we spoke to loads of folks on the beach who had a dog, ask what breed, how old, say how beautiful the dog is and then say have a lovely day with a big smile and a bye.
It builds up your confidence in a fool proof arena.
Most people we have found who are socially inept are generally sexually inept too.
Both very sad.
I don’t appreciate being randomly approached by strangers in public. I know that is one of the pitfalls of dog ownership so I am mindful where I walk so I can enjoy my walk.
It’s not that people are socially inept they may choose not to engage. I see many who are always on their phones while out and about it’s just the way society is these days. "
If you don't wish to engage that's fine.
Just out of curiosity, how would you react if I came up to you and patted your dog and said hello?
I do believe people who choose not to have social engagement would eventually become socially inept, we are social animals and need engagement.
I agree some need or in my case have to become proficient at engagement due to my job, some like it more than others.
But this is a swingers site and I would have thought the majority of folks on here want, eventually, to meet.
But we have met a few people who are extremely vocal in the forums but in real life no so much.
I love chatting to folks, especially interesting people.
Have fun.
Liz.  |
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Mines the opposite. Online I find it really hard to read people and can mistake real interest in me when it's just instant gratification.
Face to face is my preferred way to pull, guys give off clear signals when chatting and I like reading their body language towards me  |
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Confident in the 'real' world, largely due to the nature of my work and experiences gained, but despite having a positive reputation in the club I attend I still find myself really struggling for confidence sometimes, feeling the need to remove myself from swinging periodically. Although I can talk for England at a club I also tend not to stay in the same company for long, assuming that I'll be seen as a pest, simply due to being a single guy. Very odd feeling at times. |
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I would suspect not many would walk up to a stranger and ask if they wanted to fuck regardless of how confident they felt (or inebriated). I would also say not many people in the street would welcome being approached by a complete stranger asking them for a fuck apropos of nothing.
Context though - clubs or parties, in a sexually charged environment or situation yes. It’s happened to me, at a beach, booze, , nakedness. A girl I’d never seen before, knelt down, got to eye level, studied me intently and then just asked if I’d like to fuck… |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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I’ve been described as an extrovert introvert in my working life! It was a compliment. I’m naturally a studied guy, but once engaged I’m a leader.
In my private life I thrive in social group situations. So at football I’m “one of the lads “. With a lady I’m comfortable on an everyday level but far from it in a FAB situation!
I once likened life to being like an actor. You have to assume a personae to suit the situation. |
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"I have never ever hit on a guy irl. I never expect anyone to be interested in me and it wouldn't occur to me to make a first move. Ever. "
Good grief. There are doubtless thousands of men interested in you; you wouldn’t need to make the first move |
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By *929Man 14 weeks ago
bedlington |
I never ever make the first move/approach not due to confidence as I’m pretty confident in most areas of life you need to be when working for self and have to you out pricing ect just not me I always done ok waiting to be approached quester I missed out or not over the years god knows haha what’s done is done |
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By *batMan 14 weeks ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
Very happy to chat to people in the wild, but of course here, you’ve already got an idea about what your audience are looking for.
Which makes it easier than the veg aisle in Tesco!
Gbat |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"Very happy to chat to people in the wild, but of course here, you’ve already got an idea about what your audience are looking for.
Which makes it easier than the veg aisle in Tesco!
Gbat "
Garden centres are much easier I find,first of all a common interest,and secondly some plants and flowers have very sugestive names ,you can flirt without being too offensive  |
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I was always told to not speak to strangers so I don't. I have a resting bitch face when out. This usually attracts both males and females to say something obvious like 'Dont worry mate, cheer up it might never happen'.
With males I will smirk back. With females I will then engage in witty banter, have their ears bleeding and their knickers wet through laughter.
Perhaps. |
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"Very happy to chat to people in the wild, but of course here, you’ve already got an idea about what your audience are looking for.
Which makes it easier than the veg aisle in Tesco!
Gbat "
Did you just slut shame the veg aisle? |
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I imagine if you walked up to women in the street or a bar and came out with FAF no matter how politely or charmingly you phrased it.
The result would be to be told to go fuck yourself or a slap!!
Surprisingly when i am feeling social i can mix and mingle with ease.
If there is someone i fancy who comes into my sphere i am pretty confident in building up a rapport and sometimes it leads to more.
I consider myself fairly confident but with a touch of humility. |
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"Very happy to chat to people in the wild, but of course here, you’ve already got an idea about what your audience are looking for.
Which makes it easier than the veg aisle in Tesco!
Gbat
Garden centres are much easier I find,first of all a common interest,and secondly some plants and flowers have very sugestive names ,you can flirt without being too offensive "
Prod them in the back whilst in the queue for the till with your courgette |
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I don't seem to ever come into contact with people I fancy, and nobody ever approaches me, either. Therefore, I don't actually know how confident I'd be in that situation. I'll keep you posted if that changes, OP. |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"I was always told to not speak to strangers so I don't. I have a resting bitch face when out. This usually attracts both males and females to say something obvious like 'Dont worry mate, cheer up it might never happen'.
With males I will smirk back. With females I will then engage in witty banter, have their ears bleeding and their knickers wet through laughter.
Perhaps."
"Resting bitch face when out"?
You have a face like a slapped arse all the time! 🤣🤣🤭🤭 |
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By *equila89Man 14 weeks ago
Tortured Poets Department |
"At a club I can walk up to anyone and start a conversation. In the real world I have nothing to say other than," did you see that ludicrous display last night?" "The thing about Arsenal is that they always try a walk it in"
"
A fellow football enthusiast. Lost a pony on last nights match, gutted.
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In vanilla settings I wouldn’t approach someone as I wouldn’t know their circumstances.
At a social, if I see someone I like the look of, I will happily approach them.
I commented how a couple of ladies looked good too - just approached them and told them without any further intentions.
I am more confident now but I’m also wary of coming across as a creep.
K |
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"I was always told to not speak to strangers so I don't. I have a resting bitch face when out. This usually attracts both males and females to say something obvious like 'Dont worry mate, cheer up it might never happen'.
With males I will smirk back. With females I will then engage in witty banter, have their ears bleeding and their knickers wet through laughter.
Perhaps.
"Resting bitch face when out"?
You have a face like a slapped arse all the time! 🤣🤣🤭🤭"
Because I gave you the smirk treatment instead of engaging in shit chat? 😉 |
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By *equila89Man 14 weeks ago
Tortured Poets Department |
I really don’t think confidence is the be all and end all. If someone’s attracted to you they’re not gonna have your intonation or posture under a microscope. I don’t think you can talk someone into finding you attractive either. Nor should you try.
There’s no great mystery to it. If interest is there it can be added to with good conversation, and I think conversation is much easier when you’re just happy to be accepted as you are. |
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"I really don’t think confidence is the be all and end all. If someone’s attracted to you they’re not gonna have your intonation or posture under a microscope. I don’t think you can talk someone into finding you attractive either. Nor should you try.
There’s no great mystery to it. If interest is there it can be added to with good conversation, and I think conversation is much easier when you’re just happy to be accepted as you are. "
That's a very good point. Conversation without pushing things builds rapport - sometimes combined with attraction.
I've always believed my success in a club/social setting comes from that, whereas my complete lack of success on Fab is probably purely down to lack of attraction based on even my decent photos and the fact that (although younger looking than my actual age) being 57 goes against me quite a lot. Things have certainly dried up since hitting my mid 50's. Some might say that's shallow, but for me it's just that many, MANY women have things set in stone. I'd rather focus on positivity, rather than the negatives, knowing some who have rejected me as a possible then go on to complain bitterly about the way other men go about things. Each to their own, but I'm 100% convinced I grow on people who appear to find me more attractive as time goes on, as opposed to having the instant 'Wow' factor. It's very rare I end up playing with someone the first time we meet, but have repeat interest from those I do have the privilege of playing with.
Personality and gentlemanliness definitely pay dividends with high quality women. It's a huge hint for any man, though there are obviously women who couldn't care less about how decent a man is too. Each to their own. |
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By *ornycougaWoman 14 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"I have never ever hit on a guy irl. I never expect anyone to be interested in me and it wouldn't occur to me to make a first move. Ever.
Good grief. There are doubtless thousands of men interested in you; you wouldn’t need to make the first move"
I'm oblivious to subtlety. I need tying up and dragging back to a cave somewhere! |
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I have my moments of confidence and un-confidence almost equally.
Drives my other half up the wall; he often says I’m overly self deprecating and I dwell on foibles and flaws way more than others do.
I think if you are of this mindset, it never leaves you. I can push it down but never get rid of it.
Being involved in swinging has been a positive though; being desired and appreciated has been a affirming thing. |
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"I have never ever hit on a guy irl. I never expect anyone to be interested in me and it wouldn't occur to me to make a first move. Ever.
Good grief. There are doubtless thousands of men interested in you; you wouldn’t need to make the first move
I'm oblivious to subtlety. I need tying up and dragging back to a cave somewhere! "
Agree that's VERY surprising based on absolutely EVERYTHING on your profile! |
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"I have never ever hit on a guy irl. I never expect anyone to be interested in me and it wouldn't occur to me to make a first move. Ever.
Good grief. There are doubtless thousands of men interested in you; you wouldn’t need to make the first move
I'm oblivious to subtlety. I need tying up and dragging back to a cave somewhere!
Agree that's VERY surprising based on absolutely EVERYTHING on your profile! "
I know right, even HCs profile pic gives me stomach flips… 😍 |
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"I have never ever hit on a guy irl. I never expect anyone to be interested in me and it wouldn't occur to me to make a first move. Ever.
Good grief. There are doubtless thousands of men interested in you; you wouldn’t need to make the first move
I'm oblivious to subtlety. I need tying up and dragging back to a cave somewhere!
Agree that's VERY surprising based on absolutely EVERYTHING on your profile!
I know right, even HCs profile pic gives me stomach flips… 😍"
 |
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I have never asked someone I've just met in public, to do any kind of sexy thing. Does that make me weird? My sexy interactions have either been with people I'd already got to know in "real life" or talked to and "planned" online. I've never had a traditional one night stand or gone home with someone I met in a bar or had a holiday romance etc. I have had a multi partner sex sesh where I'd not met or previously chatted to two of the guys, but had the others (or was married to one of them  )
I have no idea what that makes me! |
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By *ornycougaWoman 14 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"I have never ever hit on a guy irl. I never expect anyone to be interested in me and it wouldn't occur to me to make a first move. Ever.
Good grief. There are doubtless thousands of men interested in you; you wouldn’t need to make the first move
I'm oblivious to subtlety. I need tying up and dragging back to a cave somewhere!
Agree that's VERY surprising based on absolutely EVERYTHING on your profile!
I know right, even HCs profile pic gives me stomach flips… 😍 "
Aw thanks guys 😘 When it comes to Fab and sex I have bucket loads of confidence. But it just never occurs to me to make the first move in the real world unless they give me a sign first, then I will quite happily grab the baton 😏 |
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"I have never ever hit on a guy irl. I never expect anyone to be interested in me and it wouldn't occur to me to make a first move. Ever.
Good grief. There are doubtless thousands of men interested in you; you wouldn’t need to make the first move
I'm oblivious to subtlety. I need tying up and dragging back to a cave somewhere!
Agree that's VERY surprising based on absolutely EVERYTHING on your profile!
I know right, even HCs profile pic gives me stomach flips… 😍
Aw thanks guys 😘 When it comes to Fab and sex I have bucket loads of confidence. But it just never occurs to me to make the first move in the real world unless they give me a sign first, then I will quite happily grab the baton 😏"
HC i would disagree I have met you socially a couple of times and would say your confident enough. |
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"I have never ever hit on a guy irl. I never expect anyone to be interested in me and it wouldn't occur to me to make a first move. Ever.
Good grief. There are doubtless thousands of men interested in you; you wouldn’t need to make the first move
I'm oblivious to subtlety. I need tying up and dragging back to a cave somewhere!
Agree that's VERY surprising based on absolutely EVERYTHING on your profile!
I know right, even HCs profile pic gives me stomach flips… 😍
Aw thanks guys 😘 When it comes to Fab and sex I have bucket loads of confidence. But it just never occurs to me to make the first move in the real world unless they give me a sign first, then I will quite happily grab the baton 😏"
I totally get that. It can feel like you're really putting yourself in a vulnerable position - one where there's the very real chance of feeling really shit about yourself if it's a negative response. Can feel like being the only naked person in the room.
Obviously I don't know you (my loss) but as others have said I'd suggest you're in a very strong position to get a positive response in any environment. |
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Why would I approach other humans out in the wild? Sounds hideous.
I have a great resting bitch face so I am never approached, even for directions or to take someone's picture.