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Satan has opened up Heck, a lighter version of hell. What kind of torture are in it?
First up... Any time you are in a hurry there will always be a slow walking person in front of you that you can't get passed |
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Every item you scan at the self service won’t scan properly and it’ll just keep telling you “ unexpected item in the bagging area” so you have to stand there and wait for the person every single time.
The mr |
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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
Driving home at lunchtime having just paid to have my car washed and waxed find that the exit and road from a large construction site is a sea of mud and the road sweeper has broken down.Not happy |
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"When you wring it’s neck and shake it for dear life, pop it back in your pants and it dribbles..!!"
The trick to this is twofold
Step 1. Use some toilet paper to dab the end of your knob a few times.
Step 2. Put your dick back in your pants so it thinks it's safe to start leaking, but then whip it back out and dab with more toilet paper
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"When you wring it’s neck and shake it for dear life, pop it back in your pants and it dribbles..!!
The trick to this is twofold
Step 1. Use some toilet paper to dab the end of your knob a few times.
Step 2. Put your dick back in your pants so it thinks it's safe to start leaking, but then whip it back out and dab with more toilet paper
"
Cock psychiatry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When your at a checkout with a trolley full of shopping and they ask "how many bags will you need"
Jeez i dont know susan how about just give me them until i dont need anymore lol |
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By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
"You go to the chemist for your hemorrhoid cream to be told there's a nationwide shortage."
There is one tube left but the assistant doesn't know the price to charge you so they shout over to the manager, "how much is the hemorrhoid cream?" In a crowded shop with your favourite hunk queuing behind you |
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"You go to the chemist for your hemorrhoid cream to be told there's a nationwide shortage.
There is one tube left but the assistant doesn't know the price to charge you so they shout over to the manager, "how much is the hemorrhoid cream?" In a crowded shop with your favourite hunk queuing behind you "
Hahahaha |
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"You go to the chemist for your hemorrhoid cream to be told there's a nationwide shortage.
There is one tube left but the assistant doesn't know the price to charge you so they shout over to the manager, "how much is the hemorrhoid cream?" In a crowded shop with your favourite hunk queuing behind you "
And, because there’s only one tube, it has to be shared. Sweaty Bert puts it on with his calloused sausage fingers in the village hall. |
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"Every item you scan at the self service won’t scan properly and it’ll just keep telling you “ unexpected item in the bagging area” so you have to stand there and wait for the person every single time.
The mr "
Haha this is just cruel |
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"You go to the chemist for your hemorrhoid cream to be told there's a nationwide shortage.
There is one tube left but the assistant doesn't know the price to charge you so they shout over to the manager, "how much is the hemorrhoid cream?" In a crowded shop with your favourite hunk queuing behind you
And, because there’s only one tube, it has to be shared. Sweaty Bert puts it on with his calloused sausage fingers in the village hall."
And it's got a hair in it when it's handed to you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Satan has opened up Heck, a lighter version of hell. What kind of torture are in it?
First up... Any time you are in a hurry there will always be a slow walking person in front of you that you can't get passed"
Having to shake out that half a baked bean that seems welded to the bottom of the tin.
Being forced to run your finger, with a hang-nail across a fabric surface.
Having an itch right in the centre of your back that you can't quite reach.
Getting sticky jam all over your fingers and not being allowed to clean it off.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having to watch only 1 TV channel showing non-stop reality shows like BB and Love Island.
Someone always looking over your shoulder all day, every day.
Visiting libraries where every single book is in the wrong section.
Having a kitchen where every tin of food has no labels on it and you have to make a meal with whatever one you open.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The kettles in heck never quite fully boil water so you can only get lukewarm tea and coffee
I'd rather go to full hell than have a shit cuppa  "
Not only that, the milk always curdles and produces a floating mass of lumpy milk on the surface. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only having one pen, but it's one of those ones that, when the top part of it breaks off or you lose a piece, you have to put your thumb over the top and try to write with it. |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Everybody in heck pays for everything in loose change."
To the precise amount but never counts it out until the last possible moment.
They also wait until they get to the ticket barrier to get their ticket or payment device out. Then they can't find it and hunt round every pocket three times until they find it in the first pocket they tried.
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"You always need a plop after getting in the bath
Or every time you are in the bath someone comes in and does a poo next to your head "
I hope you don't mean they hang their arse over the side of the bath  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always having itchy little hairs in the neck of your t-shirt after trimming your hair.
Having a tiny dribble of urine come out just after you zip up.
A mote of dust caught in your eye that no amount of rubbing will remove.
Cutting open your potatoes and always finding black in the middle.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The heck canteen only serves Angel delight
That would only be an issue for me if it was any flavour except butterscotch lol"
I would have an issue if it was only butterscotch |
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Your satnav cant keep up With the road names on Crete so you end up going round the town 12 times before finding the main route out. True story but pissed myself laughing at the pronunciation of greek names
By satnav.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Constantly waiting on the phone, listening to naff music interspersed with 'we are extremely busy, your call will be answered as soon as possible'.
And other calls where you have to 'please press 2 or please press 4' etc, for hours and hours.
Every time you go through the self check-out in the supermarket, every item recieves the 'please remove item from bagging area' warning.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whenever you pour your cereal out, you find out that you only have a sliver of milk left"
Or you have enough milk but you can't quite be sure whether it's on the turn or not, and you're definitely not going to taste it to find out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Going to the gym and every machine you want to use is taken
Isn't that a line in an Alanis Morrisette song?! "
People pointing out that they think what you say is from an Alanis Morrisette song.
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"Going to the gym and every machine you want to use is taken
Isn't that a line in an Alanis Morrisette song?!
Who?  "
Sorry was joking. I added a line to "Ironic" in my head....
"It's like 10,000 treadmills when all you need is a bench....."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pictures on your wall that you can never get to hang straight.
People questioning why you keep your DVD/Blue Ray collection in alphabetical order.
When walking towards someone, always having to do that side to side shuffle before nearly colliding with each other.
Wherever you go, always having to avoid or refuse charity collectors/big issue sellers on every road and street.
Every cafe having faulty or empty coffee machines, and always having no small spoons or wooden stirrers available, forcing you to use one of the metal knives or forks to stir your drink. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My work Colleague following me about for all of eternity chattering about her bad leg, her bad back, her mother's heart attack and diagnosing me with heart failure (true story) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is Heck. Don't fool yourself. It can get worse and better doesn't look a whole lotta fun. We are all damned to heck! "
Hecking hell! Motherheckers, we're doomed to heck! |
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"Your in hospital waiting for your discharge papers and prescriptions..."
Ah... Yes and pharmacy waiting perpetually for the doctor to write the prescription and getting constantly blamed for the delay... Oh wait... That's actually true... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Every site you sign up to has your username taken so you have to add increasing amounts of numbers to the end of it.
SelfishFucker3.1415927"
Or, when signing up to a site, you get the message 'sorry, that username is already taken', over and over and over again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can never catch up to the person you're after, no matter how hard you try.
You feel like you're running through treacle and when you see them turn corner, you think maybe you can get to them only to discover they are just the same distance ahead.
You shout after them and they turn their heads looking for who shouted, but shrug it off and carry on. |
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"When you're having a bad day and your pocket gets snagged on the door handle
And even worse - rips your trousers as a result  True story (on more than one occasion) "
I've lost so many belt loops off my jeans to door handles  |
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