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What is your best insult without using curse words

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By *usman 199 OP Man over a year ago

Stockport

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By *ickshawedCouple over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm glad you think highly of yourself. Someone has to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You spoon

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

Tosser

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple over a year ago

Cumbria

Bus wankers

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By *yronMan over a year ago

grangemouth

Not mine, Mary Eisenhower, who was known as 'Mamie', was once introduced to Senator Joseph McCarthy, who called her 'Mamie'. She replied "Senator McCarthy, my maid calls me Mamie, the cop outside the White House calls me Mamie and the man who collects my trash calls me Mamie. You may call me Mrs Eisenhower".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I remen a comedian said. I thought I told you to stay in the car and bark at dogs’

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cuntywanksplat

I swear

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your mother was ao fat her arse needed two postcodes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Douche bag

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ediat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Or peasant!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Or arse wipe

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By *ennysouthMan over a year ago

Coventry

You move like an injured slug

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By *usman 199 OP Man over a year ago

Stockport

Bus wankers"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They threw the best bit away at birth when you were born

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You human question mark

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your mother should have swallowed

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By *ogisticalBigManMan over a year ago

Sheffield

Not much use in the UK but over the pond they say "You're not being the person Mr. Rogers said you could be"

Cuts like a knife around Pittsburgh apparently

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

You Boris.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did your parents use scaffolding, I've never crap stacked so high

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey laser lips, your mama was a snowblower

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You wank stain

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Numpty

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By *dventurous biMan over a year ago

tesside

The Bard gave us so many, these are some favourites…

Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.

You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!

and just to prove that Shakespeare was way ahead of his time, this from Titus Andronicus

Villain, I have done thy mother.

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By *asilyled1Man over a year ago

ogmore valley

"Or arse wipe "

Haven’t heard that for years!

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By *rsPricklePantsWoman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries "

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal-food-trough wiper

Love Monty Python

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By *untogetherCouple over a year ago

Malaga, Spain, Not in U. K.

Bless your heart

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The Bard gave us so many, these are some favourites…

Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.

You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!

and just to prove that Shakespeare was way ahead of his time, this from Titus Andronicus

Villain, I have done thy mother.

For which came the reply, "you mother f****r!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cockwomble still my favourite and I know a few

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/05/22 19:58:25]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You’ve got teeth like a broken bag of quavers

Your mum has feet like a seagull

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By *oeBiggs321Man over a year ago

Reading

I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

I can explain It to you, but I can’t understand it for you

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By *usman 199 OP Man over a year ago

Stockport

"You’ve got teeth like a broken bag of quavers

Your mum has feet like a seagull "
love that feet like a seagull

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By *riar BelisseWoman over a year ago

On Holibobs

Darling...Awesome is definitely not the word...

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Tool

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Darling...Awesome is definitely not the word..."

But I am awesome

ha ha

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You tool

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By *ensualbicockMan over a year ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock

Ya balloon

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd rather have a wank love!

Please note I've never said that but a friend has and I was secretly howling!

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

As Kevin bloody Wilson once said D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Twonk

Eejit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"

Or licking piss off a nettle

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By *ooBulMan over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

"Give my kindest regards to your mother......!"

Whilst giving them the friendliest of smiles I can muster up followed by a very warm but polite wave.

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By *yron69Man over a year ago

Fareham

Best part of him/her went down his/her’s dad’s leg.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/05/22 21:12:49]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should of been a stain on the sheet, or this is why women should swallow.

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By *tinerant scribeMan over a year ago

County Durham

May a fish find your backwaters.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

If you were any thicker, you'd clot...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I bet you rotate the square on Tetris

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By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

You're as much use as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I bet your family tree is a wreath.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I once said to an old boss that I couldn't believe he was the quickest and smartest and must have been IVF.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So the Dutch call people pancakes if they really want to slag them off.

Without swear words - oxygen thief is fairly succinct.

Wanna go childish old skool - Doofus or Chimp

If they are slightly intelligent then imbecile works well - ironically not so well on actual imbeciles because they won't know what it means

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By *iking 777Man over a year ago

wick

You are a waste of your mother's milk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also what's your village doing for an idiot now you've moved here

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By *iking 777Man over a year ago

wick

Did you put it in your diary to get on my tits today

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By *avhonaWoman over a year ago

Away with the faeries

You son of a motherless goat!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Philistine….or I just ignore and walk away. Silence works a treat

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you had a lot of practice to become this stupid?

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By *itzimadCouple over a year ago

harwich

when a bloke asked me if i liked his castoff(i was seeing his ex)i replied well the first 2 inches are a bit worn but the next 6 are virgin teritory

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By *itzimadCouple over a year ago

harwich

the other great put down is

doesnt your village miss you ?

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By *oam_ShrimpsCouple over a year ago

Exmouth

I wish we could become better strangers

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By *ambozaMan over a year ago

kilburn park

Soap dodger

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By *rMs.NeekCouple over a year ago

Worcestershire

"Douche bag "

Douche canoe

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By *rMs.NeekCouple over a year ago

Worcestershire

[Removed by poster at 03/05/22 22:47:48]

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By *rMs.NeekCouple over a year ago

Worcestershire

And you're the sperm that won the race

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By *ensuallover1000Man over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Sir - thou art a nincompoop and a Saddlegoose!

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By *inballs99Man over a year ago

Blackheath

Shame really you sound so nice on the phone,you be ok

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can slowly feel my brain cells doing a synchronised dive off a cliff

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By *eroLondonMan over a year ago

Mayfair

"Tosser "

•

I'd be careful with that one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Far too many of these in the Scottish language to even begin.

Dabber, nugget, bawbag just to name a few

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Once got called a windowsill

Mix between window licker and imbecile

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By *haneportsMan over a year ago

portsmouth

So you aimed low & kept digging!

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By *haneportsMan over a year ago

portsmouth

"If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

I can explain It to you, but I can’t understand it for you"

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By *torm in a G cupWoman over a year ago

Land of the Long White Cloud

"Hey laser lips, your mama was a snowblower

Number 5 is alive

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By *haneportsMan over a year ago

portsmouth

"I wish we could become better strangers"

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By *ambozaMan over a year ago

kilburn park

Numpty

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry your not my type I prefer anyone but you

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By *dd_soxMan over a year ago

Suffolk

Are you naturally rude* or does it require practice?

*insert your choice of insult here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you had a brain cell you would be twice as daft.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Who put 50p in you?

You're like a chocolate fireguard

Wow! Whilst staring at them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you…..

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

You waste of an orgasm.

You've not got a birth certificate: you've got a written apology from DUREX™.

Oxygen thief.

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By *anilla switchWoman over a year ago

Hampshire

You absolute pillock

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hey laser lips, your mama was a snowblower

Classic short circuit

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By *ld StrumpetWoman over a year ago

Telford

[Removed by poster at 04/05/22 06:44:06]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dont generally insult people, if you give them a long enough rope, theyll hang themselves!

I tend to go with sarcasm, works a treat. But it does depend on the situation.

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By *mashingPumpkinMan over a year ago

Carmarthen

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. Not sure where that originated but always like it.

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By *he MinionMan over a year ago

You're the reason they put instructions on shampoo.

I have neither the time or the crayons to explain it to you.

I could agree with you but then we would both be wrong

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By *edheadjMan over a year ago

High Wycombe

I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Go forth and multiply!

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By *asques and boxersCouple over a year ago

Ashford and dept16

sarcasm thats quite a step up for you mind you dont get a nose bleed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Delete unread ….

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By *dward_TeagueMan over a year ago

wolverhampton

Your life has been a complete waste of sperm and egg

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By *aked AngelMan over a year ago

Hampshire / Surrey / Berkshire

Mark the position of your bones cos I am going to mix them!

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By *r imp miss minxCouple over a year ago

Colchester

Twunt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your arse must be jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth

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By *ormorantMan over a year ago

Lincolnshire

It’s a battle of wits and your unarmed…

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By *anilla switchWoman over a year ago

Hampshire

"You're the reason they put instructions on shampoo.

I have neither the time or the crayons to explain it to you.

I could agree with you but then we would both be wrong

^^Stealing ^^

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

Your arse must be jealous because of all thr shit that comes out your mouth x

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

I don't engage in mental combat with someone so unarmed x

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

You sound reasonable....must be time to up my medication x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You've a face like a slapped arse

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By *otBrunetteHimCouple over a year ago

birmingham

Weapon

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By *agerMorganMan over a year ago

Canvey Island

You’re a bigger disappointment than the Cruxifixction.

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By *antasy Explorers 1313Couple over a year ago

A place where others reside (West Oxfordshire)

Knobjockey!

You're as much use as a chocolate teapot!

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass x

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

They named a town after you - Leatherhead.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yer da sells avon

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should of been swallowed

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By *rishsteveMan over a year ago

carlow

Being thick is a privilege but you abuse that privilege

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

You piltchard

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You must be in a constant state of bliss, as you know what they say.

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By *essicagraceWoman over a year ago

birmingham

Stop being such an expired jar of mayonnaise

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Numbnuts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You should of been swallowed

I’ve used that a few times

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tell your mum she can keep the change next time

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

You’re so old, when you were a child even the rainbows were in black and white.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a few. Surprisingly none involved the word cunt.

I'm not saying your ugly, but it looks like you've been bobbing for chips in a deep fat frier.

When the good lord was dishing out the looks, did you think he said books and ask for something by Stephen King.

If brains was rope you would have enough to hogtie a mouse.

If brains were canvas you wouldn't have enough to make spats for a budgie.

"Ooooh, I've just had a thought....."

"Let's hope it doesn't die of loneliness"

"Something just crossed my mind....."

"Not a long journey"

Winston

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By *aptain Caveman41Man over a year ago

Home

You've a head like a melted Wellington

The tide wouldn't take you out

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By *oly Fuck Sticks BatmanCouple over a year ago

here & there

I hope when you go to sleep tonight both side of your pillow are warm!

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

She’s so ugly, she looks like her face was on fire and someone put it out with a shovel.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't justify giving you an insult, I only punch up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would call you scum, but that's an insult to scum.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart x"

Quite sweary

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dont generally insult people, if you give them a long enough rope, theyll hang themselves!

I tend to go with sarcasm, works a treat. But it does depend on the situation."

The problem with sarcasm is that stupid people don't get it. Depending on your mind set as to whether that makes it funnier or not

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By *essiCouple over a year ago

suffolk

"If you were any thicker, you'd clot... "

love it

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By *entBarryUKMan over a year ago

Ashford

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries "

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By *ichaelangelaCouple over a year ago

notts

I would really like to agree with you, but then we would both be wrong

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By *ichaelangelaCouple over a year ago

notts

I know both your kids are 3 years apart, I just thought they might be twins as i can't believe someone shagged you twice

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By *nn_JamesCouple over a year ago

Berkshire/ South Bucks Borders

Stop playing hard to get when you're hard to want.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart x

Quite sweary

I'm Scottish..second nature

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By *idsCouple1Couple over a year ago

Tamworth

"I hope when you go to sleep tonight both side of your pillow are warm! "

This must be reserved for the worst of people!

Imagine a world where only warm pillows existed?!

horrifying!

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By *cotty1376Man over a year ago

PRESTON

Your'e so dumb, you share missing dogs on facebook from other countries

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're the unsightly cousin of the cancer on the piles of the arse of humanity.

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By *ormorantMan over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Pipsqueak is a favourite.

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By *969Jay6969Man over a year ago

Mid-Cheshire

There are two things that come from Wigan, beautiful women and rugby players……….

What position do you play?

(usually ends with a slap lol)

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By *eroLondonMan over a year ago

Mayfair

"Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart x

Quite sweary

I'm Scottish..second nature

•

You'll be telling us that you're ginger with green eyes next!

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. Not sure where that originated but always like it. "

Chester Zoo???

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By *eliusMan over a year ago

Henlow

You’re so low, you could parachute out of a snakes arse …

God wasted a good arsehole putting teeth in your mouth.

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By *avie65Man over a year ago

In the west.

"Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart x

Quite sweary

I'm Scottish..second nature

You must be one of the polite ones.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart x

Quite sweary

I'm Scottish..second nature

You must be one of the polite ones.

I only used fuck once there....I must be poorly

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By *avie65Man over a year ago

In the west.

"Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart x

Quite sweary

I'm Scottish..second nature

You must be one of the polite ones.

I only used fuck once there....I must be poorly

Aw naw, go and have a lie down. I will send a nurse to look after you.

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By *ogisticalBigManMan over a year ago

Sheffield

Dis yer da sell Avon?

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By *oldyoudown41Man over a year ago

caledonian

You Donkeys Dick

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By *ternal PunishmentCouple over a year ago

The Abyss

You should have been swallowed

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By *ashful_at_firstMan over a year ago

Canterbury

An ex-politician insulted one of my staff years back, I interjected on her behalf - "I`m sorry, Mr_______, it seems that just like when in office, you have nothing of substance to say, goodbye"

Worked for me, round of applause from the office!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can you stop talking for a moment while I get some toilet paper to wipe your mouth.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ah the wit , or at least half of it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tory.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mother fucker ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You look like a before picture.

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By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

[Removed by poster at 04/05/22 15:08:21]

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By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

Everybody hates you...

...you must know that from school.

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By *inker67Man over a year ago

Halifax

Goodbye !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sir - thou art a nincompoop and a Saddlegoose! "
and a lollygagger at that by had!

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By *elvet RopeMan over a year ago

by the big field

Try harder, you've almost achieved half wit level

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Moon chicken

Gollums stunt double

Looks like the Stars Wars canteen in here

Face like a bag of smashed crabs

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By *adyBugsWoman over a year ago

cognito

Buffoon and stop this buffoonery.

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By *rTongueMan over a year ago

...

I like twp

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By *rTongueMan over a year ago

...

The one I heard aimed at me that had me in stitches was

Quick tell the village we found him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You are hard of thinking.

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By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

"I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you….."

My favourite

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By *urvytreatWoman over a year ago

somewhere nice

I favourite one is, I hope your mum got an apology from the condom factory

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By *oah VailMan over a year ago

Dover

Numpty.

You couldn’t run a bath.

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By *assy LassieWoman over a year ago

Lanarkshire

With the greatest respect(fuck you) ...then finish your sentence.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd get more sense out of Donald Trump

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat (gotta thank dodgeball for this one)

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