FabSwingers.com > Forums > Virus > Is playing at clubs possible with herpes?
Is playing at clubs possible with herpes?
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I really mean genital herpes but I also have cold sores (like one a year). This is in the context of having no sores/outbreak present.
I only got genital herpes in late Feb this year. I test every month for other STDS and haven't had any other STDs and I have been on prep since march. I only bareback rarely.
How do I tell people in a club setting? I feel a bit unsure on how I would he looked at where there's loads of people. Should I just wear a badge or something?
Obviously I will be bringing condoms, but there's still a small chance of getting it where condoms don't cover and I like getting oral too. |
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To be honest I think it's a highly emotive issue. Especially because of 'shedding', even at times of not presenting. I've had a semi sexual meet with someone I know/had declared they had herpes (non apparent at the time). But I did still wear disposable gloves to wank them off... Its the 'fear', but also not the fear. Because you could literally play with someone with zero physical symptoms, and be unaware. Have that discussion first I'd advise |
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"I really mean genital herpes but I also have cold sores (like one a year). This is in the context of having no sores/outbreak present.
I only got genital herpes in late Feb this year. I test every month for other STDS and haven't had any other STDs and I have been on prep since march. I only bareback rarely.
How do I tell people in a club setting? I feel a bit unsure on how I would he looked at where there's loads of people. Should I just wear a badge or something?
Obviously I will be bringing condoms, but there's still a small chance of getting it where condoms don't cover and I like getting oral too. "
The issue is more this is new to you... Shedding happens mostly in the first few years. Just because you're not having issues, doesn't mean who you pass the virus to won't. Speak to your GP, nurse. There are plenty of inclusive online groups too |
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And it's not a small chance... Skin on skin it's a very high chance. You're infectious, whether you choose to think it or not. Herpes is a virus, so you don't need to have active sores, you can transit it through skin vs sexual contact. You're way more likely to transmit with a new vs old diagnosis. And just because you don't have an active outbreak means fuck all!... You're living with a life long transmitted disease, don't take the piss |
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"I really mean genital herpes but I also have cold sores (like one a year). This is in the context of having no sores/outbreak present.
I only got genital herpes in late Feb this year. I test every month for other STDS and haven't had any other STDs and I have been on prep since march. I only bareback rarely.
How do I tell people in a club setting? I feel a bit unsure on how I would he looked at where there's loads of people. Should I just wear a badge or something?
Obviously I will be bringing condoms, but there's still a small chance of getting it where condoms don't cover and I like getting oral too. "
Do not even think about it....that would be incredibly selfish of you |
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By (user no longer on site) 29 weeks ago
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Wouldn't choose to play in or our of a club with strangers if I knew I had any form of infectious disease. Isn't fair to make others ill even on a minor basis. |
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"Can you get aciclovir tablets? If you are determined to go, I’d take them for at least a week before hand, maybe two weeks, to make sure any virus is really minimised"
Yeah I have some but they're only for outbreaks. |
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At least the poster is being up front. I've been at clubs and I've seen a woman kissing others and going down on guys with an obvious cold sore patch.
When I said something. I was told to keep my nose out and the patch protected against spreading...
The fact is most of us will have been in contact with herpes at some point in our life...
Most will be unaware unless we have a flare up.
I don't know what the answer is op. Perhaps talk to the gum clinic for advice
Cali |
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"I can't believe anyone would even think a bout mixing with others while carrying such a contagious problem. "
Because people are selfish and like one comment said they assume everyone has had a disease or contact as if that mattered or was true. |
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The difficulty with this one is that people can have it and never get an outbreak, unless some hormonal trigger occurs. So, they’re often in complete ignorance of it.
Example, I knew someone who realised she must have had the virus for years but did not experience a single outbreak of it until menopause, & then the first outbreak was the worst and she rarely had problems afterwards. She even had the option of taking the anti-viral med as a prophylactic.
I understand it’s something like one in eight of us carries the virus. The more sexual partners, the greater risk, of course. However, unless you are having an outbreak, I don’t believe you are obligated to abstain.
As long as you use condoms & explore PrEP etc. to prevent the spread of chlamydia, gonorrhoea, HIV etc. you are being responsible.
Sure, HSV can still pass between you and others but the idea that sexually active people really believe they can avoid this STI is laughable. I’ve never had an outbreak in my genital area, but that doesn’t mean I don’t carry the virus. I simply don’t know. And I suspect that’s true of many of us. But, I’ve had a lot of sexual partners in 25 years, so chances are…
I think this one needs to be put in its proper context - I’m told it’s uncomfortable when it happens but it’s not life-threatening. It can be managed. Too many people have the virus for you to feel like you have to exempt yourself from all group fun forever. |
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"The difficulty with this one is that people can have it and never get an outbreak, unless some hormonal trigger occurs. So, they’re often in complete ignorance of it.
Example, I knew someone who realised she must have had the virus for years but did not experience a single outbreak of it until menopause, & then the first outbreak was the worst and she rarely had problems afterwards. She even had the option of taking the anti-viral med as a prophylactic.
I understand it’s something like one in eight of us carries the virus. The more sexual partners, the greater risk, of course. However, unless you are having an outbreak, I don’t believe you are obligated to abstain.
As long as you use condoms & explore PrEP etc. to prevent the spread of chlamydia, gonorrhoea, HIV etc. you are being responsible.
Sure, HSV can still pass between you and others but the idea that sexually active people really believe they can avoid this STI is laughable. I’ve never had an outbreak in my genital area, but that doesn’t mean I don’t carry the virus. I simply don’t know. And I suspect that’s true of many of us. But, I’ve had a lot of sexual partners in 25 years, so chances are…
I think this one needs to be put in its proper context - I’m told it’s uncomfortable when it happens but it’s not life-threatening. It can be managed. Too many people have the virus for you to feel like you have to exempt yourself from all group fun forever. "
This answers it.
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All these answers crack me up.
You are all aware that up to 80% of the UK population carry the HSV-1 or HSV-2 virus? If you really don't want to infect yourself with either strain you all better stop having sex now! Don't kiss anyone, don't have oral or penetrative sex with anyone with or without protection, otherwise you're not going to avoid it.
The majority of people out there don't even know they have it, you can be a carrier for years and never develop symptoms or have a clue.
A friend of mine was married and utterly faithful, she absolutely never cheated on her partner, it wasn't in her nature, yet one day she was diagnosed with HSV-2 out of the blue, it cost her a marriage as he was convinced she'd cheated in him. She never did, it was just laid dormant in her body for years and then flared up.
Don't believe the hype, it's just an annoying harmless skin condition and we all could be sat her reading this thread with it and never know. |
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I used to get coldsores regularly when younger but hadnt had one for years till the other week. Id had a cold for a few weeks then the coldsore appeared, its gone now, but does this mean i should avoid any sexual contact? Hope not. |
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I haven't had a coldsore on my lips in perhaps, 20 years. As a child I got them , usually in early summer, on first exposure to sunshine . I remember every child in my class got them from time to time.
If you are aware you have the virus, it would be irresponsible to play in a club without taking every precaution, including informing play partners, and getting their consent. |
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"All these answers crack me up.
You are all aware that up to 80% of the UK population carry the HSV-1 or HSV-2 virus? If you really don't want to infect yourself with either strain you all better stop having sex now! Don't kiss anyone, don't have oral or penetrative sex with anyone with or without protection, otherwise you're not going to avoid it.
The majority of people out there don't even know they have it, you can be a carrier for years and never develop symptoms or have a clue. "
This.
Most of the UK population carries some form of herpes (70-80% of people have either HSV-1 or HSV-2 by the time they're 25 - source: Nuffield Health). I would speculate that proportion is even higher in the swinging community. Most of those carrying it are likely unaware of it.
So the only real options if you play with people who swing are to either stop playing or accept the (quite likely) risk that you will contract it (but also quite probably never find out).
Requiring/expecting people to declare it doesn't help, because so many people don't know they have it. |
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"I haven't had a coldsore on my lips in perhaps, 20 years. As a child I got them , usually in early summer, on first exposure to sunshine . I remember every child in my class got them from time to time.
If you are aware you have the virus, it would be irresponsible to play in a club without taking every precaution, including informing play partners, and getting their consent. "
Really? So, have you told everyone you've ever kissed or been intimate with in the last 20 years that you have a strain of herpes? |
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"All these answers crack me up.
You are all aware that up to 80% of the UK population carry the HSV-1 or HSV-2 virus? If you really don't want to infect yourself with either strain you all better stop having sex now! Don't kiss anyone, don't have oral or penetrative sex with anyone with or without protection, otherwise you're not going to avoid it.
The majority of people out there don't even know they have it, you can be a carrier for years and never develop symptoms or have a clue.
This.
Most of the UK population carries some form of herpes (70-80% of people have either HSV-1 or HSV-2 by the time they're 25 - source: Nuffield Health). I would speculate that proportion is even higher in the swinging community. Most of those carrying it are likely unaware of it.
So the only real options if you play with people who swing are to either stop playing or accept the (quite likely) risk that you will contract it (but also quite probably never find out).
Requiring/expecting people to declare it doesn't help, because so many people don't know they have it."
You're lumping those two statistics together though. HSV-1 70% & HSV-2 10% of the population is what they suggest. The two viruses although they can be transmitted to the area they don't generally prefer. So cold sores HSV-1 being transmitted to the genital area, and HSV-2 being transmitted to the oral area can happen (but it's less likely, and the resulting flare ups less severe).
It's downplayed as it's not life threatening, or limiting (although in rare cases it can cause complications). It doesn't mean it's not awful for those effected though.
You can also be a carrier of Chlamydia and Syphilis for years without knowing. The difference is you can test for those, and receive treatment. Herpes can only be diagnosed with a swab on active lesions, and there is no cure. |
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Several studies show that most people have it in our general population. Those in the swinging scene are much more at risk.
Statistically you are more likely to catch this from an average person who gets no symptoms and doesn’t know when or if they are contagious.
The most reliable way to avoid herpes is to only sleep with people who have it and get symptoms, they know when they are contagious and can protect you.
This sounds so counter intuitive but is well supported by science and logic. |
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"
The most reliable way to avoid herpes is to only sleep with people who have it and get symptoms, they know when they are contagious and can protect you.
This sounds so counter intuitive but is well supported by science and logic."
What an absolute load of nonsense  |
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"All these answers crack me up.
You are all aware that up to 80% of the UK population carry the HSV-1 or HSV-2 virus? If you really don't want to infect yourself with either strain you all better stop having sex now! Don't kiss anyone, don't have oral or penetrative sex with anyone with or without protection, otherwise you're not going to avoid it.
The majority of people out there don't even know they have it, you can be a carrier for years and never develop symptoms or have a clue.
This.
Most of the UK population carries some form of herpes (70-80% of people have either HSV-1 or HSV-2 by the time they're 25 - source: Nuffield Health). I would speculate that proportion is even higher in the swinging community. Most of those carrying it are likely unaware of it.
So the only real options if you play with people who swing are to either stop playing or accept the (quite likely) risk that you will contract it (but also quite probably never find out).
Requiring/expecting people to declare it doesn't help, because so many people don't know they have it.
You're lumping those two statistics together though. HSV-1 70% & HSV-2 10% of the population is what they suggest. The two viruses although they can be transmitted to the area they don't generally prefer. So cold sores HSV-1 being transmitted to the genital area, and HSV-2 being transmitted to the oral area can happen (but it's less likely, and the resulting flare ups less severe).
It's downplayed as it's not life threatening, or limiting (although in rare cases it can cause complications). It doesn't mean it's not awful for those effected though.
You can also be a carrier of Chlamydia and Syphilis for years without knowing. The difference is you can test for those, and receive treatment. Herpes can only be diagnosed with a swab on active lesions, and there is no cure. "
Yes, but unless people are tested they won't know which strain they have. HSV-1 & HSV-2 are happy living where they can. They do prefer their own areas agreed, but definitely not always the case. |
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"
The most reliable way to avoid herpes is to only sleep with people who have it and get symptoms, they know when they are contagious and can protect you.
This sounds so counter intuitive but is well supported by science and logic.
What an absolute load of nonsense "
Most people with herpes have no idea, no symptoms and spread it with no knowledge of when they are shedding.
My father ran a special clinic and was motivated to protect me with an education.
Just because it makes no sense to you doesn’t necessarily make it nonsense. |
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"
The most reliable way to avoid herpes is to only sleep with people who have it and get symptoms, they know when they are contagious and can protect you.
This sounds so counter intuitive but is well supported by science and logic.
What an absolute load of nonsense
Most people with herpes have no idea, no symptoms and spread it with no knowledge of when they are shedding.
My father ran a special clinic and was motivated to protect me with an education.
Just because it makes no sense to you doesn’t necessarily make it nonsense. "
That makes absolutely no sense.
If person (A) doesn't know they have herpes, they won't know when they're shedding due to no symptoms.
If person (B) does know they have herpes, they still won't know when they're shedding the same as person (A) as they still won't always have symptoms, just because someone knows they have the virus, they don't always show symptoms, especially after the first few years. |
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"
The most reliable way to avoid herpes is to only sleep with people who have it and get symptoms, they know when they are contagious and can protect you.
This sounds so counter intuitive but is well supported by science and logic.
What an absolute load of nonsense
Most people with herpes have no idea, no symptoms and spread it with no knowledge of when they are shedding.
My father ran a special clinic and was motivated to protect me with an education.
Just because it makes no sense to you doesn’t necessarily make it nonsense. "
No, you said the most reliable way to avoid Herpes is to only sleep with people who are diagnosed and symptomatic. HSV-2 is twice as easily transmitted from a man to a woman due to the exposed vaginal surface area, people who are symptomatic are also unaware of what % of days they are "shedding" the virus whilst not in an active outbreak period. Shedding is at its highest rates during generally the 1st year of diagnosis, but can still be pretty active after 10-20yrs. Especially if the persons immune system takes a hit.
Not everybody diagnosed with HSV-2 chooses to have 'safer sex', use antivirals, nor tell their partner. So I think saying a blanket statement of 'its a more reliable way to avoid Herpes', is not correct. |
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"
The most reliable way to avoid herpes is to only sleep with people who have it and get symptoms, they know when they are contagious and can protect you.
This sounds so counter intuitive but is well supported by science and logic.
What an absolute load of nonsense
Most people with herpes have no idea, no symptoms and spread it with no knowledge of when they are shedding.
My father ran a special clinic and was motivated to protect me with an education.
Just because it makes no sense to you doesn’t necessarily make it nonsense.
No, you said the most reliable way to avoid Herpes is to only sleep with people who are diagnosed and symptomatic. HSV-2 is twice as easily transmitted from a man to a woman due to the exposed vaginal surface area, people who are symptomatic are also unaware of what % of days they are "shedding" the virus whilst not in an active outbreak period. Shedding is at its highest rates during generally the 1st year of diagnosis, but can still be pretty active after 10-20yrs. Especially if the persons immune system takes a hit.
Not everybody diagnosed with HSV-2 chooses to have 'safer sex', use antivirals, nor tell their partner. So I think saying a blanket statement of 'its a more reliable way to avoid Herpes', is not correct. "
It’s simple probability.
A random Joe with no symptoms in all probability already carries it. And nobody knows if or when they are shedding.
Someone with predictable symptoms can more reliably know when they are a risk to others.
I’m not going to explain this logic again. Logic is too much for some.
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"
The most reliable way to avoid herpes is to only sleep with people who have it and get symptoms, they know when they are contagious and can protect you.
This sounds so counter intuitive but is well supported by science and logic.
What an absolute load of nonsense
Most people with herpes have no idea, no symptoms and spread it with no knowledge of when they are shedding.
My father ran a special clinic and was motivated to protect me with an education.
Just because it makes no sense to you doesn’t necessarily make it nonsense.
No, you said the most reliable way to avoid Herpes is to only sleep with people who are diagnosed and symptomatic. HSV-2 is twice as easily transmitted from a man to a woman due to the exposed vaginal surface area, people who are symptomatic are also unaware of what % of days they are "shedding" the virus whilst not in an active outbreak period. Shedding is at its highest rates during generally the 1st year of diagnosis, but can still be pretty active after 10-20yrs. Especially if the persons immune system takes a hit.
Not everybody diagnosed with HSV-2 chooses to have 'safer sex', use antivirals, nor tell their partner. So I think saying a blanket statement of 'its a more reliable way to avoid Herpes', is not correct.
It’s simple probability.
A random Joe with no symptoms in all probability already carries it. And nobody knows if or when they are shedding.
Someone with predictable symptoms can more reliably know when they are a risk to others.
I’m not going to explain this logic again. Logic is too much for some.
"
Right, so...
Random Joe - may or may not have Herpes and has sex. Then potentially transmit it to other person.
Symptomatic person who knows they have Herpes, and has sex with someone. They may/or may not choose to take antivirals which can lower their rate of transmittable virus to around 50%. Then potentially transmit it to the other person.
And why would random Joe definitely be a carrier of HSV-2? Statistically the percentage of people is not 100%, and as neither random Joe nor diagnosed person would know when either of them are shedding that wouldn't factor anyways... So yep your explanation of your logic is too much for me.
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"I really mean genital herpes but I also have cold sores (like one a year). This is in the context of having no sores/outbreak present.
I only got genital herpes in late Feb this year. I test every month for other STDS and haven't had any other STDs and I have been on prep since march. I only bareback rarely.
How do I tell people in a club setting? I feel a bit unsure on how I would he looked at where there's loads of people. Should I just wear a badge or something?
Obviously I will be bringing condoms, but there's still a small chance of getting it where condoms don't cover and I like getting oral too. "
No it isn't.
Even you asking the question amazes me!! |
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The behaviours we've seen in both bi and straight scenarios on beaches and in clubs and makes us think it goes with the territory and most people accept the risk. We’ve never had fun with boys or girls and had conversations about safe sex or if you’ve got any kind of STD’s. You would like to think people would disclose or not attend but it’s doubtful especially if in the mood and attracted |
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if I understand the question, you've got genital herpes and are wondering if its ok to go to a club, have sex with strangers and not give them the information they will need to make a decision? How did you feel when you found out you had it? And where did you catch it from? When it was passed on to you were you given the information? |
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"The difficulty with this one is that people can have it and never get an outbreak, unless some hormonal trigger occurs. So, they’re often in complete ignorance of it.
Example, I knew someone who realised she must have had the virus for years but did not experience a single outbreak of it until menopause, & then the first outbreak was the worst and she rarely had problems afterwards. She even had the option of taking the anti-viral med as a prophylactic.
I understand it’s something like one in eight of us carries the virus. The more sexual partners, the greater risk, of course. However, unless you are having an outbreak, I don’t believe you are obligated to abstain.
As long as you use condoms & explore PrEP etc. to prevent the spread of chlamydia, gonorrhoea, HIV etc. you are being responsible.
Sure, HSV can still pass between you and others but the idea that sexually active people really believe they can avoid this STI is laughable. I’ve never had an outbreak in my genital area, but that doesn’t mean I don’t carry the virus. I simply don’t know. And I suspect that’s true of many of us. But, I’ve had a lot of sexual partners in 25 years, so chances are…
I think this one needs to be put in its proper context - I’m told it’s uncomfortable when it happens but it’s not life-threatening. It can be managed. Too many people have the virus for you to feel like you have to exempt yourself from all group fun forever. "
Intelligent perspective |
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Pitchforks out in force and I thought this community was supposed to be all encompassing and supportive - plainly I was wrong  . Rather than just slaying the guy do some background research and offer accurate evidence based advice. Any one who's been sexually active will probably have been exposed to something, prophylactics offer a level of protection but they're not fool proof all they do is reduce risk - if you wish to remove risk to your sexual health become celibate!
I wonder how many of the pitchfork brigade are 'concerned' because they're playing away from home and catching something would cause awkward conversations.
Pick someone up in a bar and go and have sex (or just a snog) and you expose yourself to everyone they've had intimate contact with during their life, but how many of you would think twice. In general this community is more switched on to sti risk and balancing that risk but they're are some still some archaic views.
Apologies as I'm starting to ramble and losing my train of thought but mainly as I'm just cross  |
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While OP is getting all the backlash, everyone who believes people they meet are free of viruses/diseases/whatever because they say so is either naive, delusional or, most likely, both. When you engage in sex with multiple people who are also engaging in sex with multiple people, it’s only up to the individual to take precautions and accept the risks and most importantly, to educate themselves. |
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"I really mean genital herpes but I also have cold sores (like one a year). This is in the context of having no sores/outbreak present.
I only got genital herpes in late Feb this year. I test every month for other STDS and haven't had any other STDs and I have been on prep since march. I only bareback rarely.
How do I tell people in a club setting? I feel a bit unsure on how I would he looked at where there's loads of people. Should I just wear a badge or something?
Obviously I will be bringing condoms, but there's still a small chance of getting it where condoms don't cover and I like getting oral too. "
No. Next question. |
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"While OP is getting all the backlash, everyone who believes people they meet are free of viruses/diseases/whatever because they say so is either naive, delusional or, most likely, both. When you engage in sex with multiple people who are also engaging in sex with multiple people, it’s only up to the individual to take precautions and accept the risks and most importantly, to educate themselves."
Not sure anyone is saying thinking anyone / stranger they meet is free of anything. Isn't the whole point about having respect for others, taking some personal responsibility and choosing to not transmit disease to others? |
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"While OP is getting all the backlash, everyone who believes people they meet are free of viruses/diseases/whatever because they say so is either naive, delusional or, most likely, both. When you engage in sex with multiple people who are also engaging in sex with multiple people, it’s only up to the individual to take precautions and accept the risks and most importantly, to educate themselves.
Not sure anyone is saying thinking anyone / stranger they meet is free of anything. Isn't the whole point about having respect for others, taking some personal responsibility and choosing to not transmit disease to others? "
Exactly what I said. |
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"While OP is getting all the backlash, everyone who believes people they meet are free of viruses/diseases/whatever because they say so is either naive, delusional or, most likely, both. When you engage in sex with multiple people who are also engaging in sex with multiple people, it’s only up to the individual to take precautions and accept the risks and most importantly, to educate themselves.
Not sure anyone is saying thinking anyone / stranger they meet is free of anything. Isn't the whole point about having respect for others, taking some personal responsibility and choosing to not transmit disease to others?
Exactly what I said."
Well no you missed the bit about respect of others and not making a choice to spread diseases. |
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"While OP is getting all the backlash, everyone who believes people they meet are free of viruses/diseases/whatever because they say so is either naive, delusional or, most likely, both. When you engage in sex with multiple people who are also engaging in sex with multiple people, it’s only up to the individual to take precautions and accept the risks and most importantly, to educate themselves.
Not sure anyone is saying thinking anyone / stranger they meet is free of anything. Isn't the whole point about having respect for others, taking some personal responsibility and choosing to not transmit disease to others?
Exactly what I said.
Well no you missed the bit about respect of others and not making a choice to spread diseases. "
Oh silly me, thank goodness you came to correct me. |
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"We wouldn't go to a club with a cold let alone herpes, it's just not fair to anyone else and if, heaven forbid, we contracted anything like that it would be game over as far as we're concerned. "
But people don't get tested as routine for HPV, as you'll know from any testing and what others have posted above. |
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"We wouldn't go to a club with a cold let alone herpes, it's just not fair to anyone else and if, heaven forbid, we contracted anything like that it would be game over as far as we're concerned.
But people don't get tested as routine for HPV, as you'll know from any testing and what others have posted above. "
But the OP state's that he knows he has genital herpes and that's what we based our reply on. |
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