FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Should I or should I not?
Should I or should I not?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We have discussed having a threesome with another man now for about 3 years on and off. We've had meets with couples & single men. We've visited clubs and regulary went to Kestrels in the summer. Wifey has and still says it will happen but not just yet, when she's ready she says.
Anyway, we're staying in a hotel tomorrow night after a wedding. I am tempted to see if I can arrange for a guy to meet us at our room when we get there late in the evening.
Obviously she won't know until we get a knock at the door.
Should I or should I not?
My thoughts are that she would have had a drink and it might just give her the courage to go for it.
What's your thoughts?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree... she's already says she needs to feel ready. That's not the kind of surprise that works! Plus, I think she'd want to have a say in the man you choose... That's my opinion  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not something I'd like to make a decision on with drink involved, clear heads all round required or recrimination may rear its ugly head in the cold light of day.
Best to wait until she is in the right frame of mind for it to happen.xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't make her feel pressurised into anything - especially by having someone arrive at her door!
Could be more subtle - & more fun - if someone joined you for a drink at the bar.
Then she has the choice - but it has to be her choice when alls said & done.
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"I agree... she's already says she needs to feel ready. That's not the kind of surprise that works! Plus, I think she'd want to have a say in the man you choose... That's my opinion x"
Plus why mess the guy around - if he thinks hes going there for one thing and wifey doesnt know about it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks all. Starting to get the message already & I understand.
I wouldn't have messed the guy around, I would be honest & tell him that nothing may happen, perhaps just a drink.
So what is it that she's waiting for to be ready?
Was any of you ladies on & off with all this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe, just maybe the fantasy of it all is as far as she likes it to go, but doesn't want to disappoint you or knock the fantasy on the head, by finally saying No,she doesn't want to do it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks all. Starting to get the message already & I understand.
I wouldn't have messed the guy around, I would be honest & tell him that nothing may happen, perhaps just a drink.
So what is it that she's waiting for to be ready?
Was any of you ladies on & off with all this?"
I agree with PP, you can't just spring it on her.
I was thinking about the idea of swinging for a year or so before we actually tried it. I go through phases, sometimes I want loads and it's full on, sometimes I get sick to death and we have a break. The latest break lasted over 3 years. Through every sinlge on/off phase my wonderful hubby has always, without fail, let me be in the driving seat. He's never once pressured me to do anything, if he had I would have just dug my heels in and refused to do anything ever again. He's happy as long as I'm comfortable and happy and that's the way it should be.
Why not get the guys number and talk to her about it. Mention that you would have someone willing if she was, let her make the choice. xx |
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"We have discussed having a threesome with another man now for about 3 years on and off. We've had meets with couples & single men. We've visited clubs and regulary went to Kestrels in the summer. Wifey has and still says it will happen but not just yet, when she's ready she says.
Anyway, we're staying in a hotel tomorrow night after a wedding. I am tempted to see if I can arrange for a guy to meet us at our room when we get there late in the evening.
Obviously she won't know until we get a knock at the door.
Should I or should I not?
My thoughts are that she would have had a drink and it might just give her the courage to go for it.
What's your thoughts? "
Get your wife d*unk, arrange a meet without her consent, that she isnt ready for, and might seriously regret in the morning...
sure what could possibly go wrong  |
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By *arsesCouple
over a year ago
15 mins south of Gatwick |
No no no no no!
She'll be ready when she says so - that may be never though, so you need to respect that.
It should ALWAYS be the ladies decision and choice! It just doesn't work any other way and too much damage can be done by trying to hurry things along.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have discussed having a threesome with another man now for about 3 years on and off. We've had meets with couples & single men. We've visited clubs and regulary went to Kestrels in the summer. Wifey has and still says it will happen but not just yet, when she's ready she says.
Anyway, we're staying in a hotel tomorrow night after a wedding. I am tempted to see if I can arrange for a guy to meet us at our room when we get there late in the evening.
Obviously she won't know until we get a knock at the door.
Should I or should I not?
My thoughts are that she would have had a drink and it might just give her the courage to go for it.
What's your thoughts?
Get your wife d*unk, arrange a meet without her consent, that she isnt ready for, and might seriously regret in the morning...
sure what could possibly go wrong "
This. Your plan is, with respect, a recipe for disaster. |
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"We have discussed having a threesome with another man now for about 3 years on and off. We've had meets with couples & single men. We've visited clubs and regulary went to Kestrels in the summer. Wifey has and still says it will happen but not just yet, when she's ready she says.
Anyway, we're staying in a hotel tomorrow night after a wedding. I am tempted to see if I can arrange for a guy to meet us at our room when we get there late in the evening.
Obviously she won't know until we get a knock at the door.
Should I or should I not?
My thoughts are that she would have had a drink and it might just give her the courage to go for it.
What's your thoughts?
Get your wife d*unk, arrange a meet without her consent, that she isnt ready for, and might seriously regret in the morning...
sure what could possibly go wrong "
LOL!! I'd fucking kill ya  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok I get it, it's. It not a good idea lol.
I will continue waiting in hope.
Was any of you married ladies the same, did it take you a while to make your mind up?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok I get it, it's. It not a good idea lol.
I will continue waiting in hope.
Was any of you married ladies the same, did it take you a while to make your mind up? |
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"Ok I get it, it's. It not a good idea lol.
I will continue waiting in hope.
Was any of you married ladies the same, did it take you a while to make your mind up? "
swinging is something we are equals in, have our tastes changed, yes, a year ago i would nevr have met alone, did we respect the others wishes and limits, yes. |
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I find it a bit unbelieveable that you had to even ask a forum that question.
It seems the people in here know your wife better than you do.
Aside from everything that's already been said, why would you thinkit's OK for you to choose the guy your wife will have sex with? Do you not think she might like a say in it?
Sheesh!
*Her* |
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This really isnt something you can force and if you did and it lead to her resenting you for doing it thats not the way to go about it.
Talk about what you want, tell her you would like to do it and see what her thoughts are on it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it a bit unbelieveable that you had to even ask a forum that question.
It seems the people in here know your wife better than you do.
Aside from everything that's already been said, why would you thinkit's OK for you to choose the guy your wife will have sex with? Do you not think she might like a say in it?
Sheesh!
*Her*"
+1  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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noone on here knows enough at all the reality could range from
Her talking to her friends saying I widh he'd just set it up I've given enough hints to I'm a filthy slut trapped in a nuns body.
to
Well I have managed to stall him for 3 years, he keeps asking but I really don't want to do it.
How can any of us tell ?
my answer is.
It is none of my business mate, you got to do things your own way. I'm off to arrange my sex life, because that is all I know absolutely everything about. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find it a bit unbelieveable that you had to even ask a forum that question.
It seems the people in here know your wife better than you do.
Aside from everything that's already been said, why would you thinkit's OK for you to choose the guy your wife will have sex with? Do you not think she might like a say in it?
Sheesh!
*Her*"
Why would the people on here know my wife better than me, what makes you think that?
I spoke with someone on another site & on here who said it might be an idea to surprise her.
If you read all the posts on here you would have read that I said, I would not mess the man about and pre warn that it may end up being just a social drink, so sex may not happen.
If I had arranged it, how on earth could I have made her have sex!? That's her choice! Would I have just selected someone she had never seen a picture of or messaged from here, no, but you just presumed.
I asked a question to get an opinion, please don't judge me on who I am when you know nothing about me or my wife.
I respect your opinion as I had already respected everyone else's opinion, and agreed that it was obviously not a good idea.
No I didn't just arrange anything but I did tell her of this idea. She said that it would not have been a nice surprise.
Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate your opinions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"noone on here knows enough at all the reality could range from
Her talking to her friends saying I widh he'd just set it up I've given enough hints to I'm a filthy slut trapped in a nuns body.
to
Well I have managed to stall him for 3 years, he keeps asking but I really don't want to do it.
How can any of us tell ?
my answer is.
It is none of my business mate, you got to do things your own way. I'm off to arrange my sex life, because that is all I know absolutely everything about. "
It is none of our business. And no we don't know all the facts. But the op asked for advice.
As for the 2 scenrio's you give, well they both boil down to communication which the op's scebario clearly lacks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks all. Starting to get the message already & I understand.
I wouldn't have messed the guy around, I would be honest & tell him that nothing may happen, perhaps just a drink.
So what is it that she's waiting for to be ready?
Was any of you ladies on & off with all this?"
she may never be ready and lots of things may concern her and just a thought but how do u know u will be ok with the reality of sharing  xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks all. Starting to get the message already & I understand.
I wouldn't have messed the guy around, I would be honest & tell him that nothing may happen, perhaps just a drink.
So what is it that she's waiting for to be ready?
Was any of you ladies on & off with all this?
she may never be ready and lots of things may concern her and just a thought but how do u know u will be ok with the reality of sharing xxxx"
That's a good question, we do communicate quite well about all this. I hope that if it happens it will be everything that I have wished. But we do talk that if it happens and either of us really didn't enjoy it then firstly, we would not do it again. We would also work through it & put it down to an experience we tried but it weren't for us. We have a strong enough relationship to work through it.
Not sure if that's the answer your looking for but it is an answer, lol. How would you have answered it when you were first thinking about trying it?
Xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
That's a good question, we do communicate quite well about all this. I hope that if it happens it will be everything that I have wished. But we do talk that if it happens and either of us really didn't enjoy it then firstly, we would not do it again. We would also work through it & put it down to an experience we tried but it weren't for us. We have a strong enough relationship to work through it.
Not sure if that's the answer your looking for but it is an answer, lol. How would you have answered it when you were first thinking about trying it?
Xxxx"
The one thing to remember is that there comes a time when you have to take the plunge. So you also need to differentiate between nerves and not wanting to do it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When we first started all this about 3 years ago, she said NO straightaway. However about 4 weeks later she was chatting to a guy with a _iew to a meet. We discussed her meeting him alone whilst I waited in hotel bar. I was not happy about that idea for a couple of reasons. It was then that we met couples socially. Then a years break cause she didn't want to. Then we talked again about it and that's when we started going to Kestrels (last year) but now she don't want to again at the moment. I suppose the positive is that we have both said it didn't feel right at some point, so backed off, rather than making a mistake. |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
" We've had meets with couples & single men. "
I'm confused.
You are asking if you should suprise her with a single man because she has yet to agree to play with a single man.
But above, you clearly state you've had meets with couples and single men.
Or were these just social meets?
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"We have discussed having a threesome with another man now for about 3 years on and off. We've had meets with couples & single men. We've visited clubs and regulary went to Kestrels in the summer. Wifey has and still says it will happen but not just yet, when she's ready she says.
Anyway, we're staying in a hotel tomorrow night after a wedding. I am tempted to see if I can arrange for a guy to meet us at our room when we get there late in the evening.
Obviously she won't know until we get a knock at the door.
Should I or should I not?
My thoughts are that she would have had a drink and it might just give her the courage to go for it.
What's your thoughts? "
the only thing this kind of "stunt" is likely to acheive is to end any sort of swinging you do with your partner period......
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" We've had meets with couples & single men.
I'm confused.
You are asking if you should suprise her with a single man because she has yet to agree to play with a single man.
But above, you clearly state you've had meets with couples and single men.
Or were these just social meets?
"
Hiya. Sorry for the confusion, they were just social meets. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you really love her dont mess her about. It sounds if you are the one that wants it."
It is me that wants it, but so has she. However there have been (like now) where she doesnt want to. She says "one day it will happen, but when she wants to". |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
" We've had meets with couples & single men.
I'm confused.
You are asking if you should suprise her with a single man because she has yet to agree to play with a single man.
But above, you clearly state you've had meets with couples and single men.
Or were these just social meets?
Hiya. Sorry for the confusion, they were just social meets. "
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that ......No.... don't suprise her and to be totally honest, it doesn't sound like your wife really wants to swing.
I would suggest you give up swinging for now and work on your marriage.
IF and its a big IF, your wife wants to try this swinging malarky again, then you will have to work at her pace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you really love her dont mess her about. It sounds if you are the one that wants it.
It is me that wants it, but so has she. However there have been (like now) where she doesnt want to. She says "one day it will happen, but when she wants to". "
From the posts you've typed OP it is fairly clear that it is solely you that wants this.
You may be married, but you do not own her body or mind. You cannot persuade her to have sex and perhaps regret and torture herself just to please you. It doesn't matter what people say on websites, you know yourself its wrong to do that. Would it be ok for your wife to surprise you with 3 strong burly guys who would each shag the arse off you (literally) as its her fantasy to see it?
You seem to have had several attempts at swinging in different ways, clubs, social meets, couples, and then you've given up for a while. Indicates it wasn't something she enjoyed.
My OH has arranged surprise meets for me. It was something we talked about too. One time he took me to woods and tied me to a tree blindfold, and a guy came along and the 3 of us played.
One night I went out of the house blindfold, no idea where we were going, met a guy, the 3 of us played.
These scenarios were organised with strict precision, all without my knowledge but my OH knew I would be excited as we had talked and I was very enthusiastic. Both guys were off our friends list. My OH met both guys socially beforehand. He took one guy in the woods and showed him the spot we would be (still makes me laugh the thought of him talking another guy in woods), the other guy he met at the factory he owned and inspected the machinery I would be lain across when playing with me (he never anticipated how cold that would be on my backside).
I never saw that factory guy at all, didn't take blindfold off til I got home at end of night. The guys were instructed not to even speak to me. I still talk about those times and I get excited about them. My OH knew I'd be excited, you can tell by body language and expression if someone is happy to try something. You would never have to persuade. I knew without doubt I'd like the guys as my OH would have known which guys to choose from our friends list. And of course I always knew he'd keep me safe and would have checked things out beforehand.
My OH mentioned a fantasy of a guy picking me up and driving along the motorway with me completely naked in the front seat. He knew from my facial expression, followed by me categorically telling him no because I would never do something in public thatis against the law and would get me arrested for the sake of his fantasy. He knows that is to remain in his head when he's wanking.
OP I know its your fantasy, accept its not hers, you can't force anyone and its always clear when someone is happy to do something. Deep down you know the answer and no amount of asking people on swinging sites in the hope that somehow she'll be persuaded will help.
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