FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Question for you all.
Question for you all.
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My partner & I are planning to get married in the next fee years. My partners kids know about our us being swingers & attending chams on a few occasions. But my partners 18 year old daughter as asked us if she come to chams the next time we go.
My question is do we let her come with us or not?.
Thanks Mr C. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes in my opinion if you all agree
At least until shes familiar and safe with the place
There are one or two mothers daughters and even a family that get in there
Nothing more sinister than that
Do what you are comfortable with and good luck with the wedding i canna wait fa mine xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"personally, would not even consider it.
and to be honest, we would be devastated if our kids found out about our swinging lifestyle"
and can i ask, how would you/your partner feel if you was to see the 18 year old girl in a public room being attended to by 2 or 3 men ??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes in my opinion if you all agree
At least until shes familiar and safe with the place
There are one or two mothers daughters and even a family that get in there
Nothing more sinister than that
Do what you are comfortable with and good luck with the wedding i canna wait fa mine xx "
we've never been to chams. it's not in our area so we've never even read the re_iews or looked at their website..
just to clarify..A family go there in a swinging context?..Am I reading that right? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"personally, would not even consider it.
and to be honest, we would be devastated if our kids found out about our swinging lifestyle
and can i ask, how would you/your partner feel if you was to see the 18 year old girl in a public room being attended to by 2 or 3 men ???"
Think id be more worried about her seeing what you two get up to! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes in my opinion if you all agree
At least until shes familiar and safe with the place
There are one or two mothers daughters and even a family that get in there
Nothing more sinister than that
Do what you are comfortable with and good luck with the wedding i canna wait fa mine xx
we've never been to chams. it's not in our area so we've never even read the re_iews or looked at their website..
just to clarify..A family go there in a swinging context?..Am I reading that right?"
apparently yes ... earlier thread http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/80801 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes in my opinion if you all agree
At least until shes familiar and safe with the place
There are one or two mothers daughters and even a family that get in there
Nothing more sinister than that
Do what you are comfortable with and good luck with the wedding i canna wait fa mine xx
we've never been to chams. it's not in our area so we've never even read the re_iews or looked at their website..
just to clarify..A family go there in a swinging context?..Am I reading that right?"
Yup mother daughter auntie and occasionally dad they all play separately xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Yup mother daughter auntie and occasionally dad they all play separately xx "
It's not for me to pass judgement on what other people do but I find that rather disturbing
(Yeah i know,i did pass judgement) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you be comfortable taking your own mother and seeing her get up to the things that goes on there?
There are private lockable rooms too"
What if she's in the glory hole or dark room and he doesn't know?   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Yup mother daughter auntie and occasionally dad they all play separately xx
It's not for me to pass judgement on what other people do but I find that rather disturbing
(Yeah i know,i did pass judgement)"
Yep i find it a little strange myself but they are all happy about it
To my knowledge they dont play in open rooms or even in the same room
They just go to the club together
They are nice folk and if they live close then thats there club
They dont always go together |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
A bit like drinking, she'll either like it or hate it and at least if she doesn't like it you would be there for her. Better than her going and getting into a situation she's not happy with.
I do know someone who's parents swing and they know about it. They don't have a problem with it. |
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By *waymanMan
over a year ago
newcastle |
"My partner & I are planning to get married in the next fee years. My partners kids know about our us being swingers & attending chams on a few occasions. But my partners 18 year old daughter as asked us if she come to chams the next time we go.
My question is do we let her come with us or not?.
Thanks Mr C."
How on earth do we answer this question?
We don't know her. Or you. It's an impossible question.
if yo ask me if I can envisage circumstances in which a man might offer his 18 year old step daughter a lift to Chams, yes I can. Does that mental image include the step father seeking advice about what to do from ill-informed* strangers on a chat board? No.
* Ill-informed about the individuals involved, that is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sometimes I wonder have the lines of societal norms become so blurred that you cant see how this whole scenario might be _iewed as extremely distasteful .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just out of curiosity who would be against a family attending a nudist event??
Ok the people that attend chams are at a swingers club but are always either dressed in underwear or wear towels and as stated they dont play in the same rooms together
And although i dont know if i could do it i cant see the problem myself if they can |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she really wants to go she could go with a few girlfriends or her partner but deffo not with parents just wrong. Maybe on a themed party night. More of a social night.
And if she likes it then just don't go on the same nights.
I see chams as clubbing without the bullshit completely safe environment to have fun in but that's just my _iew I would rather go to chams than go into town get d*unk and have a one night stand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of curiosity who would be against a family attending a nudist event??
Ok the people that attend chams are at a swingers club but are always either dressed in underwear or wear towels and as stated they dont play in the same rooms together
And although i dont know if i could do it i cant see the problem myself if they can"
Nudists is not a sexual thing its a natural thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of curiosity who would be against a family attending a nudist event??
Ok the people that attend chams are at a swingers club but are always either dressed in underwear or wear towels and as stated they dont play in the same rooms together
And although i dont know if i could do it i cant see the problem myself if they can"
Thats a good question..
my opinion for what its worth
If a couple bring their kids up in a naturist enviroment then i don't see anything wrong with it,on the other hand if they wait til their kids are 18 and one of them suggests they all go to a nudist/swinging club it just doesn't sit right with me
still,horses for courses |
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Thank you all for your comments but personaly I would not want her to go, as I would feel uncomfortably for her been there, while we play. But is she want to go then we would not stop her going on her own or with someone else. But we have always been very open with the kids about sex, and even the the eldest one is gay which we done a problem with. Also we do know other cpls where their kids know they swing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of curiosity who would be against a family attending a nudist event??
Ok the people that attend chams are at a swingers club but are always either dressed in underwear or wear towels and as stated they dont play in the same rooms together
And although i dont know if i could do it i cant see the problem myself if they can
Nudists is not a sexual thing its a natural thing."
Yeah im aware of that as im a naturist myself however i was just using the comparison because between them its not a sexual thing either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"personally, would not even consider it.
and to be honest, we would be devastated if our kids found out about our swinging lifestyle
and can i ask, how would you/your partner feel if you was to see the 18 year old girl in a public room being attended to by 2 or 3 men ???"
Totally with you on both your posts! WTF? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of curiosity who would be against a family attending a nudist event??
Ok the people that attend chams are at a swingers club but are always either dressed in underwear or wear towels and as stated they dont play in the same rooms together
And although i dont know if i could do it i cant see the problem myself if they can
Nudists is not a sexual thing its a natural thing.
Yeah im aware of that as im a naturist myself however i was just using the comparison because between them its not a sexual thing either "
I know its not sexual between them but they are going to a sexualised place. I know there is lockable rooms but there is public places too. She is 18 and an adult if she wants to go then its her choice. Its one thing being open about sex its another watching even by accident your parents or children having sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of curiosity who would be against a family attending a nudist event??
Ok the people that attend chams are at a swingers club but are always either dressed in underwear or wear towels and as stated they dont play in the same rooms together
And although i dont know if i could do it i cant see the problem myself if they can
Nudists is not a sexual thing its a natural thing.
Yeah im aware of that as im a naturist myself however i was just using the comparison because between them its not a sexual thing either
I know its not sexual between them but they are going to a sexualised place. I know there is lockable rooms but there is public places too. She is 18 and an adult if she wants to go then its her choice. Its one thing being open about sex its another watching even by accident your parents or children having sex."
Fair comment but at the end of the day some people are comfortable with stuff others are not
And as long as nowt illegal is taking place its a case of each to their own
There is no right or wrong really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner & I are planning to get married in the next fee years. My partners kids know about our us being swingers & attending chams on a few occasions. But my partners 18 year old daughter as asked us if she come to chams the next time we go.
My question is do we let her come with us or not?.
Thanks Mr C."
We applaud you for being so open with your kids.
It shows your teaching them both honesty and that swinging is nothing to be ashamed of.
As for going to a club together, the choice is down to yourselves, there's nothing to say you all have to play but at least she can have a look around and decide if it's for her in the future.
XXXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner & I are planning to get married in the next fee years. My partners kids know about our us being swingers & attending chams on a few occasions. But my partners 18 year old daughter as asked us if she come to chams the next time we go.
My question is do we let her come with us or not?.
Thanks Mr C."
im pretty sure you have to be 21 to go to chams, id check on that first
But i have to admit id never talk my daughter to chams, i think 18 is far to young for a girl to be going to such places, plus i wouldnt want my kids seeing me dressed up in my undies flirting with guys or have them walking in a room while im playing or even worse me walking in a room and seeing her, i would be walking on egg shells all night sneaking round private rooms, i just wouldnt like it
plus i would feel really embarrassed if i saw anyone i knew and they asked who she was, stitting in a swingers clun half naked saying its my daughter, just feels a little seedy to me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"18 is too young for that kinda thing. she should be dating not swinging "
Yes but if she is out having sex anyway what is better d*unken one night stands or the safety of a swingers club. If I new about places like chams existed when I was younger I think I would have been there like a shot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"18 is too young for that kinda thing. she should be dating not swinging
Yes but if she is out having sex anyway what is better d*unken one night stands or the safety of a swingers club. If I new about places like chams existed when I was younger I think I would have been there like a shot."
i`d be having a word either way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"18 is too young for that kinda thing. she should be dating not swinging
Yes but if she is out having sex anyway what is better d*unken one night stands or the safety of a swingers club. If I new about places like chams existed when I was younger I think I would have been there like a shot.
i`d be having a word either way"
Not being rude mate but why would ya be having a word with an 18 year old daughter?? its up to her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Not being rude mate but why would ya be having a word with an 18 year old daughter?? its up to her"
it is upto her and i have two daughters who are 18 and 19 so if they wanted to go there would be nothing i could do about it, but i wouldnt draw their attention to the place and i certainly wouldnt take them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"18 is too young for that kinda thing. she should be dating not swinging
Yes but if she is out having sex anyway what is better d*unken one night stands or the safety of a swingers club. If I new about places like chams existed when I was younger I think I would have been there like a shot.
i`d be having a word either way
Not being rude mate but why would ya be having a word with an 18 year old daughter?? its up to her"
u really need me to explain why?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"18 is too young for that kinda thing. she should be dating not swinging
Yes but if she is out having sex anyway what is better d*unken one night stands or the safety of a swingers club. If I new about places like chams existed when I was younger I think I would have been there like a shot.
i`d be having a word either way"
But its normal to them they are open about there swinging lifestyle not hidden its very refreshing.
If my daughter at 18 or above wanted to go to a place like chams I would much rather go there where I know she would be safe. Young adults are going to experiment with sex and maybe their sexuality that's what growing up is all about.
But then again she may shock me at the moment she is 14 first boyfriend head over heels and yes we are in the process of the "talk" I have mentioned going on the pill and contraception etc and she has a brain in her head. And she knows that she can come to me and talk about sex which is healthy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"18 is too young for that kinda thing. she should be dating not swinging
Yes but if she is out having sex anyway what is better d*unken one night stands or the safety of a swingers club. If I new about places like chams existed when I was younger I think I would have been there like a shot.
i`d be having a word either way
Not being rude mate but why would ya be having a word with an 18 year old daughter?? its up to her
u really need me to explain why?? "
yes actually cause when my daughter is an adult she will be just that and allowed to be
She will make her own mistakes as do we all
But i will be hear for her if she wants help with anything
I will not dictate to her what she should and should not do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldnt even tell my kids i go to such places, because im mum and no matter how old i am i want to be seen and respected as mum
Theres no way my eldest would eccept i do this, it was disgust her, she does not see sex as wrong and i dont think she would see swinging as wrong but she would see me doing it as very wrong, i only have to buy a pair of stocking and she looks at me like im a slut and tells me im to old to wear them lol
and i would never want here to see me in a bad way so its just not something i would ever talk about with my kids
Thing is when i was with their dad i didnt used to tell them what we did in bed so why would i tell them about this? my sex life is not something i feel i need to talk about to my children |
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Tbh I'm actually in 2 minds over this one, we have always tried to be as open and honest with the girls as possible. No they dont know we are swingers and I dont wish for them to find out. However Part of me says yes let them experiment and be themselves at least we can sorta keep an eye on things (we wouldnt play while she was there) another part of me says no its so wrong. To the OP only you and partner alone can decided what you think is best in this situation xx |
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"I wouldnt even tell my kids i go to such places, because im mum and no matter how old i am i want to be seen and respected as mum
Theres no way my eldest would eccept i do this, it was disgust her, she does not see sex as wrong and i dont think she would see swinging as wrong but she would see me doing it as very wrong, i only have to buy a pair of stocking and she looks at me like im a slut and tells me im to old to wear them lol
and i would never want here to see me in a bad way so its just not something i would ever talk about with my kids
Thing is when i was with their dad i didnt used to tell them what we did in bed so why would i tell them about this? my sex life is not something i feel i need to talk about to my children"
you put it better than I did xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the number 18 doesnt make u an adult. ur the parent and u`ve been about a lil longer so u should know a lil better
i`d rather my kids did alot more maturing before deciding on an alternative lifestyle
im not gonna argue about it. u raise ur kids the way u see fit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the number 18 doesnt make u an adult. ur the parent and u`ve been about a lil longer so u should know a lil better
i`d rather my kids did alot more maturing before deciding on an alternative lifestyle
im not gonna argue about it. u raise ur kids the way u see fit"
I had a mortgage at 18 and my own life
yes each ta their own and as you see fit
But i have NO intention of telling an adult what she can and cant do
Just purely out of curiosity would you do the same for a son?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the number 18 doesnt make u an adult. ur the parent and u`ve been about a lil longer so u should know a lil better
i`d rather my kids did alot more maturing before deciding on an alternative lifestyle
im not gonna argue about it. u raise ur kids the way u see fit
I had a mortgage at 18 and my own life
yes each ta their own and as you see fit
But i have NO intention of telling an adult what she can and cant do
Just purely out of curiosity would you do the same for a son??"
You beat us to it! 
XXXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fell pregnant on my 18th Birthday nothing makes you grow up faster than being a single mum."
i had two kids when i was 18, and yes your right, its very hard and the reason i took my kids to get implants when they was 16 because i didnt want them to go thro what i went thro, i want my kids to be happy and have children when they are ready for them not because of a slip up
i have never regretted my children for one second but given the choice i would have had them when i was older and more mature to look after them
i dont think all because i have done something its ok for me kids to, i wouldnt want my girls to have got pregnat at 16 like i did and i wouldnt like them swinging
of course i couldnt have stopped either but dont dtop me having an opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fell pregnant on my 18th Birthday nothing makes you grow up faster than being a single mum.
i had two kids when i was 18, and yes your right, its very hard and the reason i took my kids to get implants when they was 16 because i didnt want them to go thro what i went thro, i want my kids to be happy and have children when they are ready for them not because of a slip up
i have never regretted my children for one second but given the choice i would have had them when i was older and more mature to look after them
i dont think all because i have done something its ok for me kids to, i wouldnt want my girls to have got pregnat at 16 like i did and i wouldnt like them swinging
of course i couldnt have stopped either but dont dtop me having an opinion"
Exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can see good sides and bad sides to this.
What if they refused to take her, went, and not knowing the girl was there, until they seen her in an open room...?
If they take her, it could be on the basis of a 'strictly no playing more fancy dress night' for maybe an hour or two, just as an eyeopener.
I personally wouldnt take my daughter, but everyone is different, and it is entirely down to what feels comfortale with all parties concerned. |
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"I fell pregnant on my 18th Birthday nothing makes you grow up faster than being a single mum.
i had two kids when i was 18, and yes your right, its very hard and the reason i took my kids to get implants when they was 16 because i didnt want them to go thro what i went thro, i want my kids to be happy and have children when they are ready for them not because of a slip up
i have never regretted my children for one second but given the choice i would have had them when i was older and more mature to look after them
i dont think all because i have done something its ok for me kids to, i wouldnt want my girls to have got pregnat at 16 like i did and i wouldnt like them swinging
of course i couldnt have stopped either but dont dtop me having an opinion"
why wouldnt you want them swinging. Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fell pregnant on my 18th Birthday nothing makes you grow up faster than being a single mum.
i had two kids when i was 18, and yes your right, its very hard and the reason i took my kids to get implants when they was 16 because i didnt want them to go thro what i went thro, i want my kids to be happy and have children when they are ready for them not because of a slip up
i have never regretted my children for one second but given the choice i would have had them when i was older and more mature to look after them
i dont think all because i have done something its ok for me kids to, i wouldnt want my girls to have got pregnat at 16 like i did and i wouldnt like them swinging
of course i couldnt have stopped either but dont dtop me having an opinion
why wouldnt you want them swinging. Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging "
you want a honest answer to that?
yes i am ashamed of what i do and i would never admit to meeting stranger of sex site to shag to anyone i know, least of all my children, when you have 18 year old kids you can take them swinging, but me personally.....i wouldnt never
I couldnt stop then if they wanted to, not that its a subject that ever been spoken about, but if they did i would be a bit disappointed
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"only yous can answer that question.
i find it a bit strange,that swinging is an acceptable lifestyle for parents,but not for their children.
it's a conundrum,of our own making.  "
but as parents we dont like the idea of our kids having sex full stop lol
I still see my kids as little girls and they always will be to me, so the thought of them in a club under a bit pile of men would upset me, i think its just my maternal and protective side coming out
you cant help how you feel |
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By * starr -Woman
over a year ago
Burton on Trent. |
do you know anyone you can trust to go with her? think that would be better than taking any family member.i wouldnt like to know what my family members get up to and the thought of meeting one and playing in a very dark room just is so wrong on all levels, its just not a good idea.thats just my opinion tho and each to their own.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, find a friend to take her, one you trust. Would never take my own kids as I really wouldn't want them seeing me playing with anyone nor would I want to watch them, and nor would I couple one of them ie mother/son or mother/daughter, a totally sick thought  |
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" Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging "
not about being 'ashamed', its not in our opinion appropriate..
if either of ours broached the subject we would discuss it, same as we have when they were growing up..
certainly would never go as a 'family' to a club..
btw do you have children? |
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"I fell pregnant on my 18th Birthday nothing makes you grow up faster than being a single mum.
i had two kids when i was 18, and yes your right, its very hard and the reason i took my kids to get implants when they was 16 because i didnt want them to go thro what i went thro, i want my kids to be happy and have children when they are ready for them not because of a slip up
i have never regretted my children for one second but given the choice i would have had them when i was older and more mature to look after them
i dont think all because i have done something its ok for me kids to, i wouldnt want my girls to have got pregnat at 16 like i did and i wouldnt like them swinging
of course i couldnt have stopped either but dont dtop me having an opinion
why wouldnt you want them swinging. Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging
you want a honest answer to that?
yes i am ashamed of what i do and i would never admit to meeting stranger of sex site to shag to anyone i know, least of all my children, when you have 18 year old kids you can take them swinging, but me personally.....i wouldnt never
I couldnt stop then if they wanted to, not that its a subject that ever been spoken about, but if they did i would be a bit disappointed
"
im sorry to hear that. I wouldnt tell people, but thats the stigma attached by the unenlightened general public, but i take no shame in my actions.
Not capable of the cognitive dissonence of enjoying something but hating myself for doing it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is Tamworth in Norfolk?  "
It's amazing this is even being considered.
There are so many things wrong here from the idea that the parents - or child - would feel comfortable to play in the same venue to the possibility that they may share partners.
We've never considered including our off spring in our sexual adventures. ....Even if only to give them a lift to the club...
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Him - feeling a tad queasy on this one.
It's a mine field |
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" Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging
not about being 'ashamed', its not in our opinion appropriate..
if either of ours broached the subject we would discuss it, same as we have when they were growing up..
certainly would never go as a 'family' to a club..
btw do you have children? "
well the person i was addressing said they were ashamed of their swinging, which i feel sympathy for. To not want your kids to do the same things you do generally means thats its either detrimental or shameful
and i dont have kids, nor can see the relevance of that question |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I don't agree with it at all. I think its shocking actually, the thought disgusts me and I'd have a very low opinion of someone if they did it.
But me and the OH do it, we go to Chams regularly.
Am I judgemental on this issue - yes
Am I a hypocrite - yes
I don't bloody care though, its disgusting.
I have sons so yes we would feel the same way regardless of their gender. I am mum to my boys, they see me as caring, kind, nurturing. I see them as my baby boys (the youngest is 16). They just about accept the fact I wear makeup and high heels. One of them was upset with a mate and fell out with him because he said 'you're mums fit, she's got great boobs'. They could not cope with the fact that I had a sex life and they certainly couldn't cope with the fact we go to swinging clubs and have sex with strangers.
In this community I am not ashamed of what I do. I keep personal details of my sex life from my close girlfriends too, but if they found out I probably wouldn't be ashamed. I'd be very ashamed though if my children saw me, I never want to see that look of disgust on my boys faces, the realisation of what I am, what I've done, no its awful.
I want my sons to grow up and have experience of sex in a vanilla world. To meet girls and go through all that dating stuff, as difficult as that can be at times. My eldest is engaged to a beautiful wonderful girl, may they concentrate on the wonderful but complexities of a long term relationship. May they grow and learn together. Not have his experience of sex in a dark club with middle aged women pawing at his body or he at theirs, standing in a queue waiting his turn with a greedy girl and everything else that goes on .....
I am open with my boys about sex to a degree but I don't feel the need to share intimate details of my sex life or theirs.
As I said I am a hypocrite in relation to this but who cares. I raise my sons the right way in my eyes and involving them in sexual activity in our presence (regardless of whether there's private rooms etc, as soon as you walk through the door at Chams its a sexual environment) is completely and utterly wrong
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You might get a big kiss from the daughter the morning after.
All depends on the verification you give her...
Him - still feeling very, very queasy ..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our kids are now adults and can make their own decisions in the eyes of the law.
If they want to go to a swingers club, they have every right to do so.
But ..... if we were there, we would leave. We wouldn't ask them to leave, we would just go.
Both our lads have girlfriends who stay over at our house and share our sons beds, and we are ok with this, no problems at all, but it just wouldn't sit right with us to be in a sex club or at a party knowing our lads were there too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry im a no on this too.
we have a 20yrd a 21yrd and our daughter is 22 and there is no way i'd take her to a club with us.
If any of them want to go to the pub etc with us no probs. we are open about sex with them but i can still see them squirm when we talk about somethings.
They dont know we swing and even though they are our kids(yes even if they were 80 they still would be)hopfully that part of our life will be kept private x
We arnt embaressed about what we do by a long way its just somthings you dont do with mum and dad.
One of the ladies i went to a party with introduced me to her daughter they were both lovly people but i still cant get over the fact that she was with her daughter.
My motto is each to there own BUT on this its a no from me xxxx |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
its been an interesting conversation... a couple of things that I would like to throw in....
the word "adult" is an interesting one..... because i have know some 18yr old who act more like a 50yr old.... and know some 40yr olds who act like they are 12... so from that respect I would use the words "mature" rather than "adult"....
it makes me go back to me and my sister (she is 5yrs younger than me)... when were both started clubbing we wouldn't go to the same places because she didn't want to be known as "sean's little sis".. so we sat down... well she sat me down.. and said i couldn't go to x,y and z.... and she wouldn't go to the places where i use to frequent very often...
she wanted to be her own person.....
now.. back to conversation... if she is going to be out there having sex anyway, then in a sense isn't a swinging club safer than going out, getting d*unk and picking up a one night stand?
so as long as they play in different parts of the club and they don't overlap they don't need to know what each other are doing......
would I do it.... good question, the one thing I wouldn't do is condemn them out of hand because if it is good enough for you... why isn't it good enough for them? but i would probably try to set up some rules..... as the last thing i think any party is going to want to stumble on is the other person
in the end the decision is theres.. what are they going to do if they say no, and she decides to go anyway? in the end I'd rather work together to work out a solution that works for everyone.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fell pregnant on my 18th Birthday nothing makes you grow up faster than being a single mum.
i had two kids when i was 18, and yes your right, its very hard and the reason i took my kids to get implants when they was 16 because i didnt want them to go thro what i went thro, i want my kids to be happy and have children when they are ready for them not because of a slip up
i have never regretted my children for one second but given the choice i would have had them when i was older and more mature to look after them
i dont think all because i have done something its ok for me kids to, i wouldnt want my girls to have got pregnat at 16 like i did and i wouldnt like them swinging
of course i couldnt have stopped either but dont dtop me having an opinion
why wouldnt you want them swinging. Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging
you want a honest answer to that?
yes i am ashamed of what i do and i would never admit to meeting stranger of sex site to shag to anyone i know, least of all my children, when you have 18 year old kids you can take them swinging, but me personally.....i wouldnt never
I couldnt stop then if they wanted to, not that its a subject that ever been spoken about, but if they did i would be a bit disappointed
im sorry to hear that. I wouldnt tell people, but thats the stigma attached by the unenlightened general public, but i take no shame in my actions.
Not capable of the cognitive dissonence of enjoying something but hating myself for doing it"
well that makes no sence at all, you seemed shocked that i wouldnt take my child swinging or want her doing it herself, yet say you wouldnt want others knowing you do this?
so whys it ok for you to keep your life private yet me not wanting my kids knowing you compaired to the hypocrisy of smoking? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging
not about being 'ashamed', its not in our opinion appropriate..
if either of ours broached the subject we would discuss it, same as we have when they were growing up..
certainly would never go as a 'family' to a club..
btw do you have children? well the person i was addressing said they were ashamed of their swinging, which i feel sympathy for. To not want your kids to do the same things you do generally means thats its either detrimental or shameful
and i dont have kids, nor can see the relevance of that question"
i think the relivance to the question is, if you did have children maybe you would feel different, if you did have a 18 year old daughter you had bought up and loved and still saw as you little girl maybe you wouldnt like the idea of loads of guys fucking her in a sex club
yes maybe it is hypercritical but you cant help the way you feel towards your kids, you may not agree but then you dont have to  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I don't agree with it at all. I think its shocking actually, the thought disgusts me and I'd have a very low opinion of someone if they did it.
But me and the OH do it, we go to Chams regularly.
Am I judgemental on this issue - yes
Am I a hypocrite - yes
I don't bloody care though, its disgusting.
I have sons so yes we would feel the same way regardless of their gender. I am mum to my boys, they see me as caring, kind, nurturing. I see them as my baby boys (the youngest is 16). They just about accept the fact I wear makeup and high heels. One of them was upset with a mate and fell out with him because he said 'you're mums fit, she's got great boobs'. They could not cope with the fact that I had a sex life and they certainly couldn't cope with the fact we go to swinging clubs and have sex with strangers.
In this community I am not ashamed of what I do. I keep personal details of my sex life from my close girlfriends too, but if they found out I probably wouldn't be ashamed. I'd be very ashamed though if my children saw me, I never want to see that look of disgust on my boys faces, the realisation of what I am, what I've done, no its awful.
I want my sons to grow up and have experience of sex in a vanilla world. To meet girls and go through all that dating stuff, as difficult as that can be at times. My eldest is engaged to a beautiful wonderful girl, may they concentrate on the wonderful but complexities of a long term relationship. May they grow and learn together. Not have his experience of sex in a dark club with middle aged women pawing at his body or he at theirs, standing in a queue waiting his turn with a greedy girl and everything else that goes on .....
I am open with my boys about sex to a degree but I don't feel the need to share intimate details of my sex life or theirs.
As I said I am a hypocrite in relation to this but who cares. I raise my sons the right way in my eyes and involving them in sexual activity in our presence (regardless of whether there's private rooms etc, as soon as you walk through the door at Chams its a sexual environment) is completely and utterly wrong
"
excellent post +1 |
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"I fell pregnant on my 18th Birthday nothing makes you grow up faster than being a single mum.
i had two kids when i was 18, and yes your right, its very hard and the reason i took my kids to get implants when they was 16 because i didnt want them to go thro what i went thro, i want my kids to be happy and have children when they are ready for them not because of a slip up
i have never regretted my children for one second but given the choice i would have had them when i was older and more mature to look after them
i dont think all because i have done something its ok for me kids to, i wouldnt want my girls to have got pregnat at 16 like i did and i wouldnt like them swinging
of course i couldnt have stopped either but dont dtop me having an opinion
why wouldnt you want them swinging. Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging
you want a honest answer to that?
yes i am ashamed of what i do and i would never admit to meeting stranger of sex site to shag to anyone i know, least of all my children, when you have 18 year old kids you can take them swinging, but me personally.....i wouldnt never
I couldnt stop then if they wanted to, not that its a subject that ever been spoken about, but if they did i would be a bit disappointed
im sorry to hear that. I wouldnt tell people, but thats the stigma attached by the unenlightened general public, but i take no shame in my actions.
Not capable of the cognitive dissonence of enjoying something but hating myself for doing it
well that makes no sence at all, you seemed shocked that i wouldnt take my child swinging or want her doing it herself, yet say you wouldnt want others knowing you do this?
so whys it ok for you to keep your life private yet me not wanting my kids knowing you compaired to the hypocrisy of smoking? "
well im not ashamed at what i do, you said you were. You also said you wouldnt want your daughter to do it, because you dont feel good about doing it. That was my point |
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" Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging
not about being 'ashamed', its not in our opinion appropriate..
if either of ours broached the subject we would discuss it, same as we have when they were growing up..
certainly would never go as a 'family' to a club..
btw do you have children? well the person i was addressing said they were ashamed of their swinging, which i feel sympathy for. To not want your kids to do the same things you do generally means thats its either detrimental or shameful
and i dont have kids, nor can see the relevance of that question
i think the relivance to the question is, if you did have children maybe you would feel different, if you did have a 18 year old daughter you had bought up and loved and still saw as you little girl maybe you wouldnt like the idea of loads of guys fucking her in a sex club
yes maybe it is hypercritical but you cant help the way you feel towards your kids, you may not agree but then you dont have to "
the if you had kids you would think different is a tired old debating point used to silence others. I would trust the judgment of someone who had the intelligence and cop on not to end up with unplanned kids at an early age than those stupid enough to get up the duff without realising it. If they dont know or cant prevent their own mistakes how can they be trusted to advise others. |
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"My partner & I are planning to get married in the next fee years. My partners kids know about our us being swingers & attending chams on a few occasions. But my partners 18 year old daughter as asked us if she come to chams the next time we go.
My question is do we let her come with us or not?.
Thanks Mr C.
How on earth do we answer this question?
We don't know her. Or you. It's an impossible question.
if yo ask me if I can envisage circumstances in which a man might offer his 18 year old step daughter a lift to Chams, yes I can. Does that mental image include the step father seeking advice about what to do from ill-informed* strangers on a chat board? No.
* Ill-informed about the individuals involved, that is."
i have to agree...
i had friends who i invited to my birthday at a club last year... i also invited their daughter.
i know the family very well,knew she wanted to try a club,and thought it would be a good time to sample the atmosphere.
But,and it is a very big but,i knew them all ,i knew their attitude to swinging,parenthood,sex,just about anything!
The real question is how will it affect your parent /child relationship....which is far more important than sex,and only u can answer...
And for the nosey people...she decided swinging wasnt for her...yes they raised a nilla |
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"If she really wants to go she could go with a few girlfriends or her partner but deffo not with parents just wrong. Maybe on a themed party night. More of a social night.
And if she likes it then just don't go on the same nights.
I see chams as clubbing without the bullshit completely safe environment to have fun in but that's just my _iew I would rather go to chams than go into town get d*unk and have a one night stand."
+1 |
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"Just out of curiosity who would be against a family attending a nudist event??
Ok the people that attend chams are at a swingers club but are always either dressed in underwear or wear towels and as stated they dont play in the same rooms together
And although i dont know if i could do it i cant see the problem myself if they can
Nudists is not a sexual thing its a natural thing."
+1 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just so I am clear..
You, the potential step-dad, are considering taking your new step daughter to a swingers club ?
This will be the teenager you have some moral parental responsibility for.
Are you adding any weighting to the question based on she is 18 ?..
Well you could try asking her to get a boy or girl around the house and watch them have sex, to see how comfortable you all feel about it.
Or
You could try camming her upstairs while she plays with herself...
Or,
Why don't you all arrange a family dogging meet, you can all pretend you don't know each other for a little extra spice...
I hope your reactions to these scenarios, make you see how fucked up your post is...
Although re-reading it, it is so fucked up, I don't even think it is a real question....
And I bet the Mods ban me for this response and not the original poster.
And don't go swinging as a family, you are putting people there in a situation they are not asking to be put in.
And there is a club where the owner, watches his step-daughter fucking.
When my FB and I found out we let him know how we felt. fortunately for us we didn't play with either of them and then find out.
Sheesh....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" the if you had kids you would think different is a tired old debating point used to silence others. I would trust the judgment of someone who had the intelligence and cop on not to end up with unplanned kids at an early age than those stupid enough to get up the duff without realising it. If they dont know or cant prevent their own mistakes how can they be trusted to advise others. "
That's a really mean post mate, especialy the back end of it.
As to the start of it, I have stayed out of this thread for the sole reason of having no children, and therefore I can't possibly say 100% truthfully how I would feel in the OP's position. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the if you had kids you would think different is a tired old debating point used to silence others. I would trust the judgment of someone who had the intelligence and cop on not to end up with unplanned kids at an early age than those stupid enough to get up the duff without realising it. If they dont know or cant prevent their own mistakes how can they be trusted to advise others. "
i have no idea why your getting personal towards me now, all because my ideas differ to yours does not mean you have to be rude, yes i did get 'up the duff' at a early age, because i was young and stupid, but i love my kids regardless and i have no regrets having them, however all because i had unplanned kids at the age of 16 does not mean now i am a full grown adult i still have the same common sence so how you can say i have no right to dish out advice at 37 because of something i did at 16 is beyond me
you say you have no shame on what you do but in a earlier post you say you dont tell people because of the stigma attached, so that is some level of shame other wise you'd just tell someone
please keep it polite, we are not all going to agree but throwning digs at people is a little childish |
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"the if you had kids you would think different is a tired old debating point used to silence others. I would trust the judgment of someone who had the intelligence and cop on not to end up with unplanned kids at an early age than those stupid enough to get up the duff without realising it. If they dont know or cant prevent their own mistakes how can they be trusted to advise others.
i have no idea why your getting personal towards me now, all because my ideas differ to yours does not mean you have to be rude, yes i did get 'up the duff' at a early age, because i was young and stupid, but i love my kids regardless and i have no regrets having them, however all because i had unplanned kids at the age of 16 does not mean now i am a full grown adult i still have the same common sence so how you can say i have no right to dish out advice at 37 because of something i did at 16 is beyond me
you say you have no shame on what you do but in a earlier post you say you dont tell people because of the stigma attached, so that is some level of shame other wise you'd just tell someone
please keep it polite, we are not all going to agree but throwning digs at people is a little childish "
im sorry you sought to trump all debate by bringing out the if you had kids you would think different. Its an intellectually bankrupt idea used when the person has no argument to make.
Parents are not all knowing fonts of wisdom and in fact their impartiality can blind them to reality. People here are saying its wrong, its sick, based on their own famalial paradigm, without recourse or knowledge of the individuals involved.
As for me not telling people thats neither here nor there, this family have, and are comfortable with it, who are you to judge. No one is saying you should tell your kids, just that some people have done it. If you want to advertise your superior mothering skills go to mumsnet, there is no need to look down on others here. |
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" the if you had kids you would think different is a tired old debating point used to silence others. I would trust the judgment of someone who had the intelligence and cop on not to end up with unplanned kids at an early age than those stupid enough to get up the duff without realising it. If they dont know or cant prevent their own mistakes how can they be trusted to advise others.
That's a really mean post mate, especialy the back end of it.
As to the start of it, I have stayed out of this thread for the sole reason of having no children, and therefore I can't possibly say 100% truthfully how I would feel in the OP's position. "
the truth isnt mean or kind, it just is. The majority of teen pregnancies are the daughters of former teen moms. Now of course there are socio-economic factors in that, but essentially irresponsible, ignorant sex begets irresponsible, ignorant sex. You can make emotional anecdotal arguments, but the facts are what they are. |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"My partner & I are planning to get married in the next fee years. My partners kids know about our us being swingers & attending chams on a few occasions. But my partners 18 year old daughter as asked us if she come to chams the next time we go.
My question is do we let her come with us or not?.
Thanks Mr C."
She can't go anyway.
Chams is over 21 only and they will check her ID |
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" Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging
not about being 'ashamed', its not in our opinion appropriate..
if either of ours broached the subject we would discuss it, same as we have when they were growing up..
certainly would never go as a 'family' to a club..
btw do you have children? well the person i was addressing said they were ashamed of their swinging, which i feel sympathy for. To not want your kids to do the same things you do generally means thats its either detrimental or shameful
and i dont have kids, nor can see the relevance of that question"
dont recognise for one minute the connection between what we do with detrimental or shamefull..
if as i said they broached the subject we would discuss..
as for having kids, it is very relevent as when you do you will have a different _iewpoint...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" the if you had kids you would think different is a tired old debating point used to silence others. I would trust the judgment of someone who had the intelligence and cop on not to end up with unplanned kids at an early age than those stupid enough to get up the duff without realising it. If they dont know or cant prevent their own mistakes how can they be trusted to advise others.
That's a really mean post mate, especialy the back end of it.
As to the start of it, I have stayed out of this thread for the sole reason of having no children, and therefore I can't possibly say 100% truthfully how I would feel in the OP's position. the truth isnt mean or kind, it just is. The majority of teen pregnancies are the daughters of former teen moms. Now of course there are socio-economic factors in that, but essentially irresponsible, ignorant sex begets irresponsible, ignorant sex. You can make emotional anecdotal arguments, but the facts are what they are."
go get laid |
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OMG.. that is so wrong on so many levels.. I can't believe anyone would even consider this would be an acceptable thing to do.
IMHO.. Parents would not want to know their children have sex, and vice versa. Also the thought of seeing your own child in a SEX club would turn my stomach. I don't think 18 year olds have the maturity to handle that sort of situation and may come to regret their actions in the future.
As I said.. just my opinion (Kaz) and you don't have to agree with me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" the if you had kids you would think different is a tired old debating point used to silence others. I would trust the judgment of someone who had the intelligence and cop on not to end up with unplanned kids at an early age than those stupid enough to get up the duff without realising it. If they dont know or cant prevent their own mistakes how can they be trusted to advise others.
That's a really mean post mate, especialy the back end of it.
As to the start of it, I have stayed out of this thread for the sole reason of having no children, and therefore I can't possibly say 100% truthfully how I would feel in the OP's position. the truth isnt mean or kind, it just is. The majority of teen pregnancies are the daughters of former teen moms. Now of course there are socio-economic factors in that, but essentially irresponsible, ignorant sex begets irresponsible, ignorant sex. You can make emotional anecdotal arguments, but the facts are what they are."
Can i just say that the fact that WE have had children early has nothing at all to do with this...... the Op was asking if he should take his step daughter to a club.
It dosnt matter if you have children at 16 or 40 theres a thing called maternal insinct that kicks in and you will protect your kids no matter what age they are.
By the way my mum was in her 30s when she had me so no the teenage thing dosnt follow on. |
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"
Yup mother daughter auntie and occasionally dad they all play separately xx
It's not for me to pass judgement on what other people do but I find that rather disturbing
(Yeah i know,i did pass judgement)"
+ 1
What sort of person would not bat an eyelid (or worse still, get turned on) accidently walking in and seeing a few guys seeing to their daughter..or mother????
|
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" the if you had kids you would think different is a tired old debating point used to silence others. I would trust the judgment of someone who had the intelligence and cop on not to end up with unplanned kids at an early age than those stupid enough to get up the duff without realising it. If they dont know or cant prevent their own mistakes how can they be trusted to advise others.
That's a really mean post mate, especialy the back end of it.
As to the start of it, I have stayed out of this thread for the sole reason of having no children, and therefore I can't possibly say 100% truthfully how I would feel in the OP's position. the truth isnt mean or kind, it just is. The majority of teen pregnancies are the daughters of former teen moms. Now of course there are socio-economic factors in that, but essentially irresponsible, ignorant sex begets irresponsible, ignorant sex. You can make emotional anecdotal arguments, but the facts are what they are.
Can i just say that the fact that WE have had children early has nothing at all to do with this...... the Op was asking if he should take his step daughter to a club.
It dosnt matter if you have children at 16 or 40 theres a thing called maternal insinct that kicks in and you will protect your kids no matter what age they are.
By the way my mum was in her 30s when she had me so no the teenage thing dosnt follow on."
as i said anecdotal evidence isnt worth the effort of typing it, the stats are there |
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" Are you ashamed of what you do. I could understand the hypocrisy if it was smoking, with the negative health effects, but swinging
not about being 'ashamed', its not in our opinion appropriate..
if either of ours broached the subject we would discuss it, same as we have when they were growing up..
certainly would never go as a 'family' to a club..
btw do you have children? well the person i was addressing said they were ashamed of their swinging, which i feel sympathy for. To not want your kids to do the same things you do generally means thats its either detrimental or shameful
and i dont have kids, nor can see the relevance of that question
dont recognise for one minute the connection between what we do with detrimental or shamefull..
if as i said they broached the subject we would discuss..
as for having kids, it is very relevent as when you do you will have a different _iewpoint...
"
it seems that guys arent the only ones who dont read things. I was addressing someone who said they would hate their daughter swinging and later said they felt shame. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Again the kids argument. Well how about this, this family have kids and think different to you, so whats your point, maybe i would think like them |
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"
seems that guys arent the only ones who dont read things. I was addressing someone who said they would hate their daughter swinging and later said they felt shame. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Again the kids argument. Well how about this, this family have kids and think different to you, so whats your point, maybe i would think like them"
now now dear dont be getting all 'shouty'..
btw its 'not about you' either..
so what you appear to be saying is you would also be undecided and seek advice as are 'the family'..
as for the kids argument, the point is you dont at this point have any so your point is based on something you know nothing about..
you are guessing how you may feel in the same situation...
if you do feel that way (if and whenever you become a parent) ie. may like to take your 18 year old to a swingers club, that would be your decision then..
till that happens yours is just an opinion based on guesswork (albeit a bit of a nasty one in your responses thus far to some)again imho |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My son knows that i swing ( he is 21) and he wants to swing too as he understands the ethos behind it and understands my reasons to embrace the lifestyle, he asked to attend a club and i would be happy to take him to one, but i would in no way play while he was there. But i would certainly take him so he could see if it was for him and ask any questions that he may have. However i would not play or attend a party that my son was attending. But i would happily advise him so he understood etiquette etc etc. |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
I'll say it again.........
It WON'T happen.
Chams is an over 21 club.
In fact, I don't know any clubs that aren't over 21 or over 25.
You have to prove proof of ID for all clubs, unless you are going in as a guest (like the pussy posse parties) but then the onus would be on the host to ensure that they were over the age limit. |
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Mmmmmm is this the moral maze? I love the lifestyle and clubs which provide one with dark rooms,glory holes,anonymous erotic encounters all of which would be irrevocably ruined by the thought of (and it make me cringe no mean feat) at the thought of a relative being on the receiving end of a bout of incest by proxy please no more this is wrong. |
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seems that guys arent the only ones who dont read things. I was addressing someone who said they would hate their daughter swinging and later said they felt shame. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Again the kids argument. Well how about this, this family have kids and think different to you, so whats your point, maybe i would think like them
now now dear dont be getting all 'shouty'..
btw its 'not about you' either..
so what you appear to be saying is you would also be undecided and seek advice as are 'the family'..
as for the kids argument, the point is you dont at this point have any so your point is based on something you know nothing about..
you are guessing how you may feel in the same situation...
if you do feel that way (if and whenever you become a parent) ie. may like to take your 18 year old to a swingers club, that would be your decision then..
till that happens yours is just an opinion based on guesswork (albeit a bit of a nasty one in your responses thus far to some)again imho"
id like to point out one thing. I didnt say what i would do ! I said im not passing judgment on other people all who are over the age of consent and willing participants. The kids having them or not is an irrelevancy and best left to the harridans on mumsnet. And again please ignore what was written, the its not about you comment was in relation to you not having shame, no one said you did, and no one really cares either way. |
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"My son knows that i swing ( he is 21) and he wants to swing too as he understands the ethos behind it and understands my reasons to embrace the lifestyle, he asked to attend a club and i would be happy to take him to one, but i would in no way play while he was there. But i would certainly take him so he could see if it was for him and ask any questions that he may have. However i would not play or attend a party that my son was attending. But i would happily advise him so he understood etiquette etc etc."
my thought exactly...our boys are far too young yet,however when they are of an age i would much prefer they were safe at a swinging club than on the town where fights,stabbings,ect happen.
Sex is a normal thing to do,swinging can be a great way for young people to get sex without making promises they are not ready to keep.
i would recommend it to them,and advise them on how to behave...i would also ensure i was never playing were they were. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My son knows that i swing ( he is 21) and he wants to swing too as he understands the ethos behind it and understands my reasons to embrace the lifestyle, he asked to attend a club and i would be happy to take him to one, but i would in no way play while he was there. But i would certainly take him so he could see if it was for him and ask any questions that he may have. However i would not play or attend a party that my son was attending. But i would happily advise him so he understood etiquette etc etc.
my thought exactly...our boys are far too young yet,however when they are of an age i would much prefer they were safe at a swinging club than on the town where fights,stabbings,ect happen.
Sex is a normal thing to do,swinging can be a great way for young people to get sex without making promises they are not ready to keep.
i would recommend it to them,and advise them on how to behave...i would also ensure i was never playing were they were."
I think it is different with boys than it is with girls boys you want them to sow their oats so to speak. Girls you want to wrap them up and protect them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had enough trouble being in same pub with my then and yes underage but show me someone who didn't do it 17 yr old son we just pretended not to know each other, so no wouldn't take my kids to swinging club. |
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