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Worst meets ever

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I do love a nosy and everyday comedy, so love to hear about those corker terrible meets. The cringes, the shockers, the 'what?!'s

All culprits anon so no admin gets stroppy. ..best one gets a balloon

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Och

No Goss

Only rubbish one I had was when he waddled in after barely getting through the door he was so Marlon Brando massive ...I waited till he got his breath back before asking about the pics discrepancy

Then there was the best sex ever suddenly interuppted by a MASSIVE sudden arguement about Scottish Independence. ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How did that come up mid-throes of passion?!

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By *vilgasamWoman over a year ago

The dot in the i

Years ago I had a meet with a guy, I took him to dinner and he ordered one of those challenger meals so when we got back to mine he was too stuffed to eat and went straight to bed

He asked to come back the next weekend, oddly I was too busy

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By *otBunsHunWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

A long while ago I met a guy that banged away at me like a jackhammer and sucked so hard I thought my clit would be pulled right off! And he adopted an American accent (he was English) and actually said "fuck a duck" when he came......I very nearly deleted my fab profile after that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A long while ago I met a guy that banged away at me like a jackhammer and sucked so hard I thought my clit would be pulled right off! And he adopted an American accent (he was English) and actually said "fuck a duck" when he came......I very nearly deleted my fab profile after that.

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By *vilgasamWoman over a year ago

The dot in the i

I knew a guy who’s did that with his accent too, he didn’t say fuck a duck though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We had a guy come round once and all he wanted to do was watch porn...husband got fed up and went to bed eventually so I asked him to leave

. Had another where despite talking for quite a while he'd got really nervous, so by the time he arrived he'd had too much Dutch courage to "perform"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just had it today

My first couple swap worst experience of my life i feel utterly depressed now

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/08/18 01:28:27]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Haha That's defo in the 'corker' category. Lot going on..how did you keep straight face!

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By *ornyDubMan25Man over a year ago

Berlin

This sounds like a bet

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Just had it today

My first couple swap worst experience of my life i feel utterly depressed now"

Do elaborate. .won't go any further. Promise

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We had a guy come round once and all he wanted to do was watch porn...husband got fed up and went to bed eventually so I asked him to leave

. Had another where despite talking for quite a while he'd got really nervous, so by the time he arrived he'd had too much Dutch courage to "perform"

Reminds me of my friend on Skye where d*unk as a skunk pick up fell down a flight of stairs. ..he just nonchalantly chucked a duvet over him and left him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just had it today

My first couple swap worst experience of my life i feel utterly depressed now

Do elaborate. .won't go any further. Promise

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This sounds like a bet

It's given me a giggling fit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Under my last profile met a couple, hubby was a watcher. The lass was steaming d*unk, so it wasn’t best fun ever, as I was fingering her and working her clit to orgasm, she let rip a massive fart, which stunk. Ever the gentleman, I ignored it an carried on as she was cumming very hard, and I accepted these things happen. I then noticed that the smell was getting worse, and things were a bit sticky. Looked down and fingers were covered in shit as she had crapped herself. She didn’t say a word, I turned round to hubby and told him what had happened and he just said “I will clean her up then”.

I rapidly made my excuses and scrubbed my hands red raw before leaving. Gross.

By strange coincidence had a message off a guy over weekend asking if I wanted to be in a mmf, when he told me address I realised same lass, I declined.

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By *otBunsHunWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

This sounds like a bet

"
I'd like to think so but he still lived with his parents at 40 years old (he admitted after telling me the house was his) and led me to his room full of stuffed bears....he was an "Experienced Dom" apparently.......hassled me for ages afterwards...he found me on Facebook and everything

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By *otBunsHunWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

This sounds like a bet

It's given me a giggling fit"
I nearly died trying to hold in my laughter

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By *litzy-Red-DevilWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

A boxing night the other yr arranged to meet a guy at his. Drove 50 miles. Started to kiss have a little play n suddenly said his mate was coming after his phone beeped n to wait outside. 25 mins later no answer to text, calls so fucked off home ha ha

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By *ymaleMan over a year ago

nr Bradford

"Under my last profile met a couple, hubby was a watcher. The lass was steaming d*unk, so it wasn’t best fun ever, as I was fingering her and working her clit to orgasm, she let rip a massive fart, which stunk. Ever the gentleman, I ignored it an carried on as she was cumming very hard, and I accepted these things happen. I then noticed that the smell was getting worse, and things were a bit sticky. Looked down and fingers were covered in shit as she had crapped herself. She didn’t say a word, I turned round to hubby and told him what had happened and he just said “I will clean her up then”.

I rapidly made my excuses and scrubbed my hands red raw before leaving. Gross.

By strange coincidence had a message off a guy over weekend asking if I wanted to be in a mmf, when he told me address I realised same lass, I declined."

Got to roll with the pigs to get out of the shit...alternatively just have them shit all over your hands I guess

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By *otBunsHunWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

I knew a guy who’s did that with his accent too, he didn’t say fuck a duck though

"
when he was on top he said " ooh I can see right up your nose" the whole experience was so bizarre I didn't meet for 6 months afterwards lol

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By *ipvanwinkieMan over a year ago

out of town!

Met a lady many moons ago, we even talked beforehand! All good. On the day though we got down to it, all going well until a certain smell was noticed. I looked down, and remember saying “you’ve shit”. She then told me she hadn’t been well. I left.

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By *ymaleMan over a year ago

nr Bradford

I knew a guy who’s did that with his accent too, he didn’t say fuck a duck though

when he was on top he said " ooh I can see right up your nose" the whole experience was so bizarre I didn't meet for 6 months afterwards lol

Was he a dwarf?! Might explain his passion for ducks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My worst meet was last year in September.

On here she had put up photos of her friend who was an athletic 34 year old.

After a week and a half of chatting we decided to meet up.

I was waiting in a park on a bench In Tunbridge Wells waiting for her to come.

Then a quite a large lady sat next to me and greeted me by my fab username.

Stunned to whom I actually I had been talking to all this time.

It killed the mood instantly and told her I’m sorry but your not the Woman I thought I had been speaking to.

Told her our meet was off and I went home.

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By *otBunsHunWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

I knew a guy who’s did that with his accent too, he didn’t say fuck a duck though

when he was on top he said " ooh I can see right up your nose" the whole experience was so bizarre I didn't meet for 6 months afterwards lol

Was he a dwarf?! Might explain his passion for ducks

"
haha...he was a fair bit shorter than his profile stated

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I rapidly made my excuses and scrubbed my hands red raw before leaving. Gross.

By strange coincidence had a message off a guy over weekend asking if I wanted to be in a mmf, when he told me address I realised same lass, I declined."

OMG Sorry had to laugh. Not really funny though

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By *ottie_84Woman over a year ago

Nottingham

One of the worst ones I had was a couple of years ago, all was going well until I felt like I was going to throw up! Had to stop to go to the loo, I felt awful, he asked if it was the 2 glasses of wine I had which it wasn’t, I was ill for a week afterwards turns out i had caught a bug from one of my kids

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Met a guy blah blah blah.. Got down to naughties and in walked his house share friend.

Now you may be thinking 'lucky you.. Twice the fun', but before you do.. Let me tell you.. He was... GINGER!

Put me right off it did. This lanky, pasty white streak of piss looking like a

triple A duracell, standing in the doorway... Upped and left sharpish I did!

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By *ymaleMan over a year ago

nr Bradford

I knew a guy who’s did that with his accent too, he didn’t say fuck a duck though

when he was on top he said " ooh I can see right up your nose" the whole experience was so bizarre I didn't meet for 6 months afterwards lol

Was he a dwarf?! Might explain his passion for ducks

haha...he was a fair bit shorter than his profile stated

We shouldn't mock, sounds like you might've been his first, and possibly his last if he quotes your recommendation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Been talking to a guy for weeks. Arranged for him to come meet me and my partner. His profile said 6ft. 45. Photos very handsome black guy. He turns up clearly 5ft 7 ish. About 63 I said that's not you in the photis and you are older and shorter. Said oh I use my son's profile. He had a claw hand and we quickly made excuses I wasn't well and asked him politely. No idea why. To leave. He had the cheek to contact us again to meet.

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By *ottie_84Woman over a year ago

Nottingham

"Been talking to a guy for weeks. Arranged for him to come meet me and my partner. His profile said 6ft. 45. Photos very handsome black guy. He turns up clearly 5ft 7 ish. About 63 I said that's not you in the photis and you are older and shorter. Said oh I use my son's profile. He had a claw hand and we quickly made excuses I wasn't well and asked him politely. No idea why. To leave. He had the cheek to contact us again to meet. "

Oh don’t! I had one guy message me, he sent me a pic and he could’ve been the twin of the weird butler guy from scary movie!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lots of awful stories... I once had a meet with a guy who i suspect had taken some drugs before the meet as he was super hyper and kept talking (just non stop) but at the time, I thought it was just nerves and as we had chatted before meeting, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Went to his, then started kissing etc. He was quite pushy to go bare but i refused and we have sex (safe sex let me add). He told me we could make cute babies!!! Then he started getting really emotional about something and started crying talking about his life.

Also went round to a guy's house and noticed a few knives under his bed. I thought "hope that's for security and not for me...". You live and learn!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Lots of awful stories... I once had a meet with a guy who i suspect had taken some drugs before the meet as he was super hyper and kept talking (just non stop) but at the time, I thought it was just nerves and as we had chatted before meeting, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Went to his, then started kissing etc. He was quite pushy to go bare but i refused and we have sex (safe sex let me add). He told me we could make cute babies!!! Then he started getting really emotional about something and started crying talking about his life.

Also went round to a guy's house and noticed a few knives under his bed. I thought "hope that's for security and not for me...". You live and learn!!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do love a nosy and everyday comedy, so love to hear about those corker terrible meets. The cringes, the shockers, the 'what?!'s

All culprits anon so no admin gets stroppy. ..best one gets a balloon"

I had one where my meet arranged to meet somebody else at our meet without my knowledge and got off with him in front of me then strung me along for three days before telling me she didn't want to see me again before proceeding to blame me for everything despite telling the world I treated her like a perfect gent.

Does that qualify?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do love a nosy and everyday comedy, so love to hear about those corker terrible meets. The cringes, the shockers, the 'what?!'s

All culprits anon so no admin gets stroppy. ..best one gets a balloon

Does that qualify?"

Wtf

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do love a nosy and everyday comedy, so love to hear about those corker terrible meets. The cringes, the shockers, the 'what?!'s

All culprits anon so no admin gets stroppy. ..best one gets a balloon

Does that qualify?"

That’s not a meet - that’s a fucking car crash mate!

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By *ottie_84Woman over a year ago

Nottingham

Not so much a worst meet but had a social went really well spoke on WhatsApp etc then BAM out of no where blocked me, is ghosting me yet still fab’s my pics

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not so much a worst meet but had a social went really well spoke on WhatsApp etc then BAM out of no where blocked me, is ghosting me yet still fab’s my pics "

How odd

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By *ottie_84Woman over a year ago

Nottingham

"Not so much a worst meet but had a social went really well spoke on WhatsApp etc then BAM out of no where blocked me, is ghosting me yet still fab’s my pics

How odd"

I know! A message would’ve been polite

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I do love a nosy and everyday comedy, so love to hear about those corker terrible meets. The cringes, the shockers, the 'what?!'s

All culprits anon so no admin gets stroppy. ..best one gets a balloon

Does that qualify?"

That's a definite 'what?!' Loony tunes one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not so much a worst meet but had a social went really well spoke on WhatsApp etc then BAM out of no where blocked me, is ghosting me yet still fab’s my pics

How odd

I know! A message would’ve been polite "

Yeap that would be.

Would better if to wine and dine you instead.

Well that’s how I’d do it

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By *istressZoeTV/TS over a year ago

cheshire

I’d been chatting to a c/d for a while as the opportunity came up to meet x

On my arrival it was apparent the pictures didn’t match the profile

In front f me was a large x sweaty blad overweight man who looked like he was wearing his nan’s bra

Anyway as I’d travelled a fair distance I thought the least I could do was to spank him and wank him x

Except he was on medication and his pathetic clitty wouldn’t get hard

I made my excuse and went to the bathroom which stunk of shit and in the toilet bowl was his unflushed latest offering

I completely gagged and was sick from my stomach and promptly left x

He hasn’t contacted me since - but I notice he still regularly requests meeting with the same profile pictures x

( thankyou that feels Cathartic to unburden myself of this horror)

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By *inchyorksMan over a year ago

huddersfield

I received an invite to a couples house not far from me, upon arrival when he open the door I was greeted by the most dirty and untidy house ever, cat litter tray overflowing, wallpaper peeling, washing and kids toys all over.

Before I could stop myself I told the guy I was really sorry but my ocd would not let step foot in the house.

He then told me to fuck off and slammed the door!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Met a guy blah blah blah.. Got down to naughties and in walked his house share friend.

Now you may be thinking 'lucky you.. Twice the fun', but before you do.. Let me tell you.. He was... GINGER!

Put me right off it did. This lanky, pasty white streak of piss looking like a

triple A duracell, standing in the doorway... Upped and left sharpish I did! "

I’m sure the ginger bloke was equally as horrified

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh don’t! I had one guy message me, he sent me a pic and he could’ve been the twin of the weird butler guy from scary movie! "

Hahaha. He reckoned he was an army captain. Mmmmmmmm and injured in Iraq. Mmmmmmmm

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By *r C Miss CCouple over a year ago

llanelli

Went to one womans house when we got there.. she was bouncing around the place speeding her chops off and she absolutely stunk if bo she wanted us to dominate her so i told her to go have a bath.. then she wanted us to spit in her shove a dilo up her arse and bareback fuck her and grip her by the neck and squeeze(it wont let me type ch#ke her) .. she went in the shower but still stunk after she got out.. so we made our excuses and left.. whilst we was talking to her.. she told us she had a meet the day before and the police had broke through the door mid meet and thd man run out of the house.. i dont blame him..

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By *0tt0nSu3Woman over a year ago

London

"Went to one womans house when we got there.. she was bouncing around the place speeding her chops off and she absolutely stunk if bo she wanted us to dominate her so i told her to go have a bath.. then she wanted us to spit in her shove a dilo up her arse and bareback fuck her and grip her by the neck and squeeze(it wont let me type ch#ke her) .. she went in the shower but still stunk after she got out.. so we made our excuses and left.. whilst we was talking to her.. she told us she had a meet the day before and the police had broke through the door mid meet and thd man run out of the house.. i dont blame him..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This wasnt on fab . long before i joined here. I was in my late 20s and met a local guy and he came over to my place one evening. We started getting frisky and my top and bra came off and we were about to have sex when he sneezed heavily. You guessed it .. snot all over my boobs.. Safe to say i never met him again. Ewwww

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I rapidly made my excuses and scrubbed my hands red raw before leaving. Gross.

By strange coincidence had a message off a guy over weekend asking if I wanted to be in a mmf, when he told me address I realised same lass, I declined."

So gross and to be so d*unk is inexcusable but the shit!!! omg .. i feel sorry for you

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple over a year ago

Chester

We'd have bolted when she was in shower

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By *aughtyman45Man over a year ago

lincoln

I went on a meet early in my fab life to meet a pleasant lady. Suffice to say after the coffee we ended up at hers. We started to strip and we were naked. After some oral from her I decided to reciprocate. Unfortunately I couldn’t get close due to the stench

I made my excuses and left soon after never to return !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Met a guy blah blah blah.. Got down to naughties and in walked his house share friend.

Now you may be thinking 'lucky you.. Twice the fun', but before you do.. Let me tell you.. He was... GINGER!

Put me right off it did. This lanky, pasty white streak of piss looking like a

triple A duracell, standing in the doorway... Upped and left sharpish I did!

I’m sure the ginger bloke was equally as horrified "

Yawn

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By *r C Miss CCouple over a year ago

llanelli

We'd have bolted when she was in shower

I sort of new her from outside of fab. So it was kinda awkward, but we did get out of there quick sharpish.. i even left a warning on her verification that she wasnt for the faith of heart lol but she took that as a compliment and has it shown on her profile lmfao

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By *r C Miss CCouple over a year ago

llanelli

Faint of heart***

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had a meet with a couple. Talked over the phone for a bit and discussed what we were all looking for. All seemed to be good. They mentioned that they were smokers and asked if I was ok with that. I said yes.

Gets to the day of the meet and I turned up at the house. We sit in the living room exchanging pleasantries and drinking tea. After a while play starts. All seems to be going ok.

Now when they said they were smokers I had assumed they meant cigarettes. How wrong was I!!!

The women suddenly pulled out a cra#k pipe and they both started smoking in front of me. I was extremely shocked as they did not seem the type. They were both very well spoken and very well to do.

I made my excuses and left as quick as I could.

The woman tried to contact me a few times after this but I politely declined.

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By *rwolfMan over a year ago

bristol

Worse meet...

I have a few but the most memorable...

Met on a social, amazing conversation and a definate spark, fair enough she was doused in perfume (a little full on but ok)

Cab back to hers and things were getting quite heated but still being a gent.

The moment the front door closed we were primal, kissing, biting, scratches.... All very heated...

Sat her on the stairs, lifted her dress up and thats where things started going bad....

First thing was the smell... Think dead fish behind a radiator for a few months... Yes i was nearly sick and when i stood back she removed her undies which being... Looked a lot like mouldy road kill

Needless to say it killed the mood for me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just had it today

My first couple swap worst experience of my life i feel utterly depressed now"

Hey there, are you ok? Sounds like it wasn’t how you imagined it would be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Met a guy blah blah blah.. Got down to naughties and in walked his house share friend.

Now you may be thinking 'lucky you.. Twice the fun', but before you do.. Let me tell you.. He was... GINGER!

Put me right off it did. This lanky, pasty white streak of piss looking like a

triple A duracell, standing in the doorway... Upped and left sharpish I did! "

???? very nice.

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By *ilkynmyzzyCouple over a year ago

Bridlington

We had one many years back with a couple who travelled about 150 miles to meet us. All was going well until he felt he wasn't getting enough attention and decided to punch his wife. As you can imagine that brought an abrupt end to the play.

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By *elshsunsWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

Quite a few years ago .. a male organised a gang bang in a local hotel on a Saturday nite mmmmm not a good move one other guy turned up and a couple I had socialised a few times with turned up . We all spent ages talking when the couple said they were leaving he had toothache , more time spent talking with the two males left till I said can we get our kits off and get on with it which we did . This was a disabled room and someone pulled the emergency alarm ... next minute bells going off and staff knocking on door . We refused to open it but she used pass key . Me and the visiting Male hid under sheets but it was two single beds pushed together which parted leaving us struggling to get up and fully exposed laughing our heads off . She turned tail as she was only young and ever so embarrassed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Met a guy blah blah blah.. Got down to naughties and in walked his house share friend.

Now you may be thinking 'lucky you.. Twice the fun', but before you do.. Let me tell you.. He was... GINGER!

Put me right off it did. This lanky, pasty white streak of piss looking like a

triple A duracell, standing in the doorway... Upped and left sharpish I did!

I’m sure the ginger bloke was equally as horrified

Yawn"

You up all night with that ginger bloke ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ages ago with both parts of older couple, chatting and arranging mmf, go with the flow atmosphere after drinks at their place.

Arrive at agreed meeting place to be met by male part. All okay, just female isn't up for it, also presented me with outfit he'd like me to wear, and changed the activities somewhat. Final straw was being offered money as I appeared "uncomfortable" with what was going on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ages ago with both parts of older couple, chatting and arranging mmf, go with the flow atmosphere after drinks at their place.

You are being very reticent about the ‘outfit’ and the ‘activities’...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We had a guy come round once and all he wanted to do was watch porn...husband got fed up and went to bed eventually so I asked him to leave

. Had another where despite talking for quite a while he'd got really nervous, so by the time he arrived he'd had too much Dutch courage to "perform"

What is dutch courage?

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple over a year ago

Falkirk

"Met a guy blah blah blah.. Got down to naughties and in walked his house share friend.

Now you may be thinking 'lucky you.. Twice the fun', but before you do.. Let me tell you.. He was... GINGER!

Put me right off it did. This lanky, pasty white streak of piss looking like a

triple A duracell, standing in the doorway... Upped and left sharpish I did!

I’m sure the ginger bloke was equally as horrified

Yawn

You up all night with that ginger bloke ?"

Savage

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ages ago with both parts of older couple, chatting and arranging mmf, go with the flow atmosphere after drinks at their place.

You are being very reticent about the ‘outfit’ and the ‘activities’...

He wanted to wear a fifties prom dress while he was in suspenders and belt. We'd discussed paddling though he specifically wanted me to break skin.

Dressing up wise, happy to do that now, though felt uncomfortable breaking skin and being offered the money.

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By *uddly biker chickWoman over a year ago

Llandudno

[Removed by poster at 14/08/18 14:12:59]

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By *uddly biker chickWoman over a year ago

Llandudno

By _uddly biker chick Woman

just this minute!

Chester

My worst meet ever has got to be a few years ago when I had a touring caravan. I was on my own in this particular park after permission off the owners due to needing time away from home . Me and ex were separating at the time. Bloke I'd been chatting to for ages came down and was nothing, and I mean nothing what he looked like. I text a mate asking her to text me saying I was needed at home urgently. Any excuse would do at this point. He went mad !! Threatened to burn me and the caravan that night amongs other things !! Taught me a big lesson. Socials first !!

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By *oyle_45Man over a year ago

Worthing

"We had a guy come round once and all he wanted to do was watch porn...husband got fed up and went to bed eventually so I asked him to leave

. Had another where despite talking for quite a while he'd got really nervous, so by the time he arrived he'd had too much Dutch courage to "perform"

What is dutch courage?"

Alcohol

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By *oyle_45Man over a year ago

Worthing

Loving this thread but sadly I have nothing to add...never had a bad meet.

People who’ve met me might say different though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Had a invite to someone’s house got there and she had two large dogs,she put them in a room and they was barking like mad constantly which is understandable and I had to get out of there!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Couple still on here who like to host parties. Got invited to a hotel where he would show me into the room, he turned up 20 mins late, the room key didn't work twice and I had to go to reception with him!! and then he starts asking her from the hallway to unlock the door.... problem was, he'd tied her up inside!!! by the time it all worked out, I was already bored senseless

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ages ago with both parts of older couple, chatting and arranging mmf, go with the flow atmosphere after drinks at their place.

You are being very reticent about the ‘outfit’ and the ‘activities’...

He wanted to wear a fifties prom dress while he was in suspenders and belt. We'd discussed paddling though he specifically wanted me to break skin.

Dressing up wise, happy to do that now, though felt uncomfortable breaking skin and being offered the money."

Gosh yes! I wasn’t questioning your decision or reasoning, just felt we were lacking pervy detail.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ages ago with both parts of older couple, chatting and arranging mmf, go with the flow atmosphere after drinks at their place.

You are being very reticent about the ‘outfit’ and the ‘activities’...

He wanted to wear a fifties prom dress while he was in suspenders and belt. We'd discussed paddling though he specifically wanted me to break skin.

Dressing up wise, happy to do that now, though felt uncomfortable breaking skin and being offered the money.

Gosh yes! I wasn’t questioning your decision or reasoning, just felt we were lacking pervy detail."

Noted for future reference, TL likes pervy details

I didn't see the prom dress, I think I would wear it better these days.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There have been a few

First

When on here with my first wife, we exchanged loads of messages, face pics etc and even phone between the ladies - so we went to meet this couple at a pub for a meal near Leeds, we sat down and within seconds of saying hello, the women "farted" loudly, only to followed by him laughing then picked his nose - it was obvious they been drinking for a while - we up'd and left

Second - even funnier

Playing solo, I had been chatting to this lovely women for best part of a month and we agreed to meet just outside of Hull late on evening in the winter, I pulled in where we agreed and she arrived few mins later pulling up right behind my car, I knew her car, she got out and climbed into my car and what greeted me was this women at least 25 years older than her "recent picture" , wearing a granny outfit, who's first words were "what do you think god would say knowing your here, have you ever repented"

Both are totally true and have been centre of many funny conversation since

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By *isst123Couple over a year ago

...

All culprits anon so no admin gets stroppy. ..best one gets a balloon"

We’ve not really had any bad meets, but I really want a balloon so might have to make something up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well this thread has thoroughly cheered me up. Thanks guys

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well this thread has thoroughly cheered me up. Thanks guys

our pleasure …. I think

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By *ighero69Man over a year ago

Liverpool

Went to meet with a couple, there house stunk of piss. Was ment to be a straight meet but the fella put on a rubber glove and tried to stick his finger in my arse. His wife told him off and there was a massive row. I snuck out without saying goodbye and got a message a week later asking if I would go round and fuck the husband. Said no and blocked

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I visit my family in the Midlands regularly.

I got a message from a guy, 10yrs younger than me, great pics, excellent veris but I declined his offer of a social as was only there for a couple of days.

We sporadically kept in contact over 10 months,and every visit home he asked to meet me.

I'd arranged drinks with an old school friend but she feel ill, so I agreed to meet him that night.

Sat in pub waiting, saw a guy approach, smile and sat "Hello *****" I admit a little panic, trying to think who he was, someone from school, an old work colleague? Trying to think what to say, to not encourage him to longer, as my tall, good looking, athletic date would be arriving any minute.

Turns out the slightly overweight, much older, short, sweaty, balding man in front of me was my 'date'

I've never drank a bottle of Zinfandel so quickly in my life!

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By *atural-born-thrillerMan over a year ago

oulton broad

I arranged to meet a couple .did the FaceTime and chatted and they gave me a time to be there so off I went .when I got there I was greeted by a sweaty naked man at the door who ushered me in I got inside it was like a sausage fest not a female inside 5 naked guys sweating watching porn .the guy told me to undress and join in the female would be along shortly .....my phone went off so I looked at the text was my youngest son asking some random question so I used that as an excuse and made a sharp exit .later on I got a message off them asking if I could verify them .

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By *tarmix2020Man over a year ago

glasgow

Reminds me of the lass on a previous profile, we went to get down to it, and she had a sheet of toilet roll stuck between her ass cheeks.

Also another meet on that profile, the absolute state of the house I turned up to. Stuff lying everywhere .Plenty photos of stocking clad legs, etc, that’s not what had beached up on her bed I can tell you. Excuses made and left.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just had it today

My first couple swap worst experience of my life i feel utterly depressed now"

Iv come to the undersanding it was a good way to learn what i dont want

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By *tarmix2020Man over a year ago

glasgow

Think my first 4 meets with ladies from here all had mad barking dogs running about daft then getting locked in another room.

One older lady was surprisingly into having a sniff from a bottle, was quite the rush having (very good) sex, both sharing the bottle for ages, then the dog started going bananas at the door while it was too late to stop. Had a quick wtf am I doing moment then carried on to the soundtrack of barking.

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By *Carver-Man over a year ago

Glasgow

My worst began with a social where she arrived so d*unk that she fell off her chair: I ordered her some carbs to try and sober her up, then called her a taxi.

A few days later she messages again and suggests joining her and a couple of friends as they're in town that evening. I figure maybe she feels embarrassed about the last time and give her the benefit of the doubt, since she clearly wasn't feeling herself.

I meet up with her and said friends in town, turns out they're all about to hop on a train back to someone's new place. I throw caution to the wind and join them...

...Turns out they weren't kidding about it being new: bare concrete floors, unfurnished, no heating. Apparently what she actually had in mind was me helping paint the spare room. I shit you not. The whole scene was so awkward and bizarre, I actually did end up painting for an hour until my next train arrived just so I could keep her at bay!

Anyway, I have to go back there this weekend to give it a top coat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In my early days as part of a swinging couple, the other couple invited another couple without even mentioning it to us. It was our first ever meet. The guy was a lot older than I would be into and his partner was a d*unken mess.

The worst i has as a single was at a party where games started early, including a gloryhole. I gave head to a guy then shortly after it became evident we knew each other very well. I left very quickly lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A boxing night the other yr arranged to meet a guy at his. Drove 50 miles. Started to kiss have a little play n suddenly said his mate was coming after his phone beeped n to wait outside. 25 mins later no answer to text, calls so fucked off home ha ha"

I'd have left immediately if asked to wait outside. The cheek!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Got invited to play as part of a three some by a TV at her house. Meet up with her a little early to say hi. Number 3 arrives (male) and after a drink and a bit of kissing we go upstairs.

Three of us lying on the bed with the gorgeous host in the middle and number 3 is reaching over to only play with me........... I’m trying to have fun with our host which 3 is ignoring; eventually he disappears so I could give her my complete attention so it worked out great in the end

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

On my first fab profile I went for a social with potential play at a lady's house. She had completely failed to mention she was wheelchair bound with some hefty physical limitations, and needed complicated machinery to manoeuvre her to and from her specialist medical bed. And she had a hobby of very amateur taxidermy. There were bits of animals in various states of decomposition around her front room and it stank (there was an actual deer head in a bucket in some liquid). She had already made me a cuppa by the time I got there. I was polite enough to stay long enough to drink the tea while she told me how her cats were here only companions and all her family hated her.

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do love a nosy and everyday comedy, so love to hear about those corker terrible meets. The cringes, the shockers, the 'what?!'s

All culprits anon so no admin gets stroppy. ..best one gets a balloon"

The ex and I arranged to meet a couple in a pub, but the lady of the couple seemed to be hitting the vodka rather hard. We eventually got back to there place and the guy had my wife on all fours, fucking her hard from behind, she was loving it, moaning and groaning with his every thrust, while I was fucking his wife. But she then uttered the immortal words to her hubby, why don't you ever fuck me like that, well the night went down hill from there

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By *homasP80Man over a year ago

Linwood

"On my first fab profile I went for a social with potential play at a lady's house. She had completely failed to mention she was wheelchair bound with some hefty physical limitations, and needed complicated machinery to manoeuvre her to and from her specialist medical bed. And she had a hobby of very amateur taxidermy. There were bits of animals in various states of decomposition around her front room and it stank (there was an actual deer head in a bucket in some liquid). She had already made me a cuppa by the time I got there. I was polite enough to stay long enough to drink the tea while she told me how her cats were here only companions and all her family hated her.

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple over a year ago

Chester

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

Omg bet it did

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Worse meet...

I have a few but the most memorable...

Met on a social, amazing conversation and a definate spark, fair enough she was doused in perfume (a little full on but ok)

Cab back to hers and things were getting quite heated but still being a gent.

The moment the front door closed we were primal, kissing, biting, scratches.... All very heated...

Sat her on the stairs, lifted her dress up and thats where things started going bad....

First thing was the smell... Think dead fish behind a radiator for a few months... Yes i was nearly sick and when i stood back she removed her undies which being... Looked a lot like mouldy road kill

Needless to say it killed the mood for me. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Seriously the worst ever? Well our top 3 lol are met this really fit Adonis Greek looking chiseled guy in hotel room. Ate pussy amazing the lot, came to fucking. He was about 11/12” but the rubbers he had he said were to tight tbh I think he was trying it on to go bare. Obvs that was a no no so he said fair enough and went to leave,just before going he said we could keep the room. But then realised he took the keys to check out!! What a douche to be continued...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

Nooooooo

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By *icplshropsCouple over a year ago

Rock

There’s some truly funny and terrible stoiries, which makes the couple we’ve had, not bad.

I met a bi lady from my single profile for a social lunch and she talked the hind legs off a donkey. She was pleasant, but was telling me her whole life story, etc. and I could hardly get a word in.

I’m quite a patient and understanding person, and realise some people act like this when nervous, but I understood even more when she admitted she suffered from manic depression.

The other was having a second meet the following day with a guy, whilst partner was at work. After doing the foreplay and getting to the point of penetration, he admitted he had no condoms, how he travelled all over the place to find a small packet, but couldn’t find one and proceeded to ask why partner had taken the one he had left behind the previous night. As I’m not prepared to do bareback, we cut the meet short and as he was getting dressed, was shouting at me asking for moisturiser for himself to use. Since then, I’ve never met anyone without partner!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Beat this !!!!! We met a couple from here on FAB who was on a pre honey moon trip having just been married .We was all getting on great and were invited back to their apartment they were staying in so we all headed back that way.

Once back at theirs the girls went off to the bedroom to get their selves equainted with each other and they were having lots of fun together , it was only when the guys went to join in that the trouble began.

The female of the couple flew out of the bedroom followed by her husband and all hell broke loose , slamming doors ,shouting screaming and eventually he pushed her over onto the floor ,the girl was hysterical so much so that she went back into the bedroom looking for his Omega watch a wedding gift from her and subsequently threw it off the balcony into the garden below.

It turns out he admitted to cheating on her before the wedding and with the alcohol and his advances towards Miss Mouse the red mist descended on his wife.

Needless to say we never got a veri from this meet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Beat this !!!!! We met a couple from here on FAB who was on a pre honey moon trip having just been married .We was all getting on great and were invited back to their apartment they were staying in so we all headed back that way.

It turns out he admitted to cheating on her before the wedding and with the alcohol and his advances towards Miss Mouse the red mist descended on his wife.

Needless to say we never got a veri from this meet

#awkward. Ok we can maybe better that,or at least equal on a different level lol. So my wife went to meet a guy in a hotel near by, all was going ok she called and FaceTimed me like a hotwife meet would. But then I got a phone call from another number. It was a women saying they’ve had enough fun now it’s been long enough can she leave. Confused I said excuse sorry who may you be? She replied “his wife” even more confused I asked did you know about this then. It became apparent after the convo I had with her that she had come up from london(over hour drive) with him. Just before the 2 met he out his wife in the boot of the car!! His job during the meet was to try convince my wife to have a 3sum with them. God only knows how he was gona explain it lmfao I drove to the hotel to pick her up, and met his wife who was hysterical by then. I said is this really the relationship your into and like. She replied with “erm maybe it’s not the best” he also didn’t get a veri!! But a few months after on a new profile he tried wooing my wife again. Some people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I haven’t had a bad meet thankfully. But some of these are awful

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By *estbedCouple over a year ago

essex

Met a young man at an expensive Airport hotel the night before our flight. I definitely think he stole a car to get there. When he saw the wine list.. cheapest bottle £40, he revealed he'd come with no money & had coasted there on fumes.

He was super cute tho so hey ho fun was had.

When it came time to leave he asked for £15 to get out of the gated car park. Unbelievable.

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

Nooooooo

Afraid so.. it was a definite learning experience.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

Nooooooo

Afraid so.. it was a definite learning experience."

That incident deserves a TV adaptation all of its own.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

Nooooooo

Afraid so.. it was a definite learning experience.

That incident deserves a TV adaptation all of its own."

I’ve got the theme tune to Tales of the unexpected running through my head

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

Nooooooo

Afraid so.. it was a definite learning experience.

That incident deserves a TV adaptation all of its own.

I’ve got the theme tune to Tales of the unexpected running through my head

With the lady attempting the sexy silhouette dance in flames from her wheelchair?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

OH i think this is the best one so far!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Had a few iffy meets but one that sticks in my mind was a a guy who said he was in his forties we agrees to meet for coffee, when he turned up for coffee he was at least ten years younger but charismatic and decided to meet again so I went to his house to be met at the door with him in a fecking nappy and sod all else.. Said hello mummy glad you could come I stood rooted to the spot speechless and couldn't even stop the laughter that erupted I thought he was taking the piss turns out he wanted a mummy role play.. Needles to say I told him where to go and left promptly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The ones who don't turn up!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Be remiss of me to not tell this charming tale

Friend at college's friend.

Suddenly threw up all over the back of a girl doggy style.

AND KEPT GOING, till he, you know

woke up to a big shit on his chest

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By *ymaleMan over a year ago

nr Bradford

"Be remiss of me to not tell this charming tale

Friend at college's friend.

Suddenly threw up all over the back of a girl doggy style.

AND KEPT GOING, till he, you know

woke up to a big shit on his chest

That constitutes a fetish session in some peoples eyes...not mine. But funny all the same.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Be remiss of me to not tell this charming tale

Friend at college's friend.

Suddenly threw up all over the back of a girl doggy style.

AND KEPT GOING, till he, you know

woke up to a big shit on his chest

That constitutes a fetish session in some peoples eyes...not mine. But funny all the same.

and apparently he said when he told the story, ' now that's what i call a good night oot!'

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

Woman who wanted to leave her young children in the pub play area alone while we went to the room to play and then she went apeshit when I said no.

Then she suggested bringing them to the room and went mental screaming and shouting I was a prick and a timewaster at the top of her voice in a packed pub when I said you can't do that !

Lol

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By *ools47Woman over a year ago

Failsworth

Met a guy recently, shorter than his profile claimed, but things progressed as he was cute. Next thing I'm lay there barley warmed up and has says that was great did you cum?

I didn't. Needless to say not seen him again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Woman who wanted to leave her young children in the pub play area alone while we went to the room to play and then she went apeshit when I said no.

Then she suggested bringing them to the room and went mental screaming and shouting I was a prick and a timewaster at the top of her voice in a packed pub when I said you can't do that !

Lol"

oops, slightly embarrassing!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Met a guy recently, shorter than his profile claimed, but things progressed as he was cute. Next thing I'm lay there barley warmed up and has says that was great did you cum?

I didn't. Needless to say not seen him again."

short but sweet, i like it

almost a limerick

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/08/18 21:40:47]

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By *ickeyandmouseCouple over a year ago

nr Alicante

[Removed by poster at 16/08/18 21:48:59]

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By *verageguy123Man over a year ago

Selby

Not as bad as some on here but I once went to someone’s house for a meet, when she answered the door she looked absolutely stunning in just her underwear and stockings but there was the strongest smell of garlic ever coming from inside the house. I have an allergy to garlic and was nearly physically sick on the doorstep, I couldn’t possibly go inside and had to leave

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

"Woman who wanted to leave her young children in the pub play area alone while we went to the room to play and then she went apeshit when I said no.

Then she suggested bringing them to the room and went mental screaming and shouting I was a prick and a timewaster at the top of her voice in a packed pub when I said you can't do that !

Lol

oops, slightly embarrassing!"

It was certainly interesting

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By *octor TCMan over a year ago

mancheater

Not a worst meet but a definite “erm that’s not what we discussed” meet

I do t use fab for meets much as the minefield is more than a lottery.

For some reason I decided to agree to a meet without speaking to the couple at least. Just the scenario of the meet and a postcode.

We’ll roll the dice take a chance. The discussion was about a surprise meet for his wife.

I dont really do Hotwife or mfm where the guy is so wantingly bi. Mostly going on about if I’m bi. Well the profile, bio and description clearly says no so.... anyway back to the Hotwife

She wants to be “completely surprised” by a strangers big cock in her mouth and her hubby playing with her in her sleep as they normally do. She would be blindfolded etc etc etc

Ok sure, it’s your fun not my gravy train.

Finally find this massive house in pitch black darkness at 11pm. Description of vehicles on drive and how to get in the back door (no pun intended) least I hoped not!

Doors open, house is silent and in darkensss..

Find the bedroom of 6! Walk in and she’s blindfolded with mr playing.

I’m gestured to surprise his wife which is all good. Genuinely think she was asleep as she bite a little as she woke up

Tried having a joke and a laugher with him during the meet and he was like a sniffed up weirdo. Not speaking or anything really.

She was much more fun, seemed the fun was more her thing than his. As I fucked her in different positions and I different ways she showed enjoyment, but he would say “don’t do that she doesn’t like it. A playful spank and legs In the air etc. She loved it (says so humbly) he was like a old head master.

Finally came to be cuming so I politely ask. Where does she he lady want me to cum. She had my cock In her throat at the time. He kind of blunt replied why don’t you ask her! I jokingly said she was always told not to speak with her mouth full

she gagged and giggled. He frowned. So as requested I cum all over her tits. Next thing he’s pulled her into the bed and is thrashing around on her in my cum. I have a quick wash in the en suite and start to get dressed to leave. He turns round as says come on pal your ruining the mood.

I just smiled and said sorry ciao.

If you can’t be truful when fucking then fab ain’t for you as the truth soon becomes glaringly clear

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By *j48Man over a year ago

Wigan

"Met a young man at an expensive Airport hotel the night before our flight. I definitely think he stole a car to get there. When he saw the wine list.. cheapest bottle £40, he revealed he'd come with no money & had coasted there on fumes.

He was super cute tho so hey ho fun was had.

When it came time to leave he asked for £15 to get out of the gated car park. Unbelievable."

AWW - I think you guys should win the Balloon, you're a top couple

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just had it today

My first couple swap worst experience of my life i feel utterly depressed now

Hey there, are you ok? Sounds like it wasn’t how you imagined it would be."

These first couple swaps are never how you would imagine.....

I bet one of the ladies got upset and started crying.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I met a guy I went to school withs dad once, either off telefun or the velvet underground.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It turns out he admitted to cheating on her before the wedding and with the alcohol and his advances towards Miss Mouse the red mist descended on his wife.

Needless to say we never got a veri from this meet

This happened to me last week

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It turns out he admitted to cheating on her before the wedding and with the alcohol and his advances towards Miss Mouse the red mist descended on his wife.

Needless to say we never got a veri from this meet

This happened to me last week "

Cool story bro

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By *heEpicureanMan over a year ago

Warminster

I had arranged a social with a couple at a local pub. They were into the “hot wife” scenarios so he had dressed her to impress. They turned up, she looked incredible, he looked homeless.

He kept mentioning throughout the social “she’s in charge of what happens” after responding “fair enough” she basically sat on my lap. She was teasing a lot but he just sat glaring at her and repeating that she’s in charge....

She invited me back to theirs, as we arrived it got heated in their living room, as we started fucking he just sat glaring with his soft cock out and this time just kept asking “how’s that pussy feel”. There was only so many times I could say “yeah mate good” before it just pissed me off. I asked her if he needs to be there watching as his soft cock and shit questions was putting us both off. She told him to go upstairs and listen so he did.

We carried on and then all hell broke lose. From the sound of it he was destroying their room. She apologised and we stopped, I got dressed as he continued to trash the upstairs. Left, and two days later got a veri saying what a good meet it was written by him!

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By *al2001Man over a year ago

kildare

Drove up north to meet a gorgeous young girl met on a chatline few years ago

She was not long after splitting with her bf

Was at her place and whole night her fonr was beeping from texts,anyway we are in bed shagging and knocking at door,she goes down and I hear them at it verbally next thing I hear her falling from being pushed so I'm out the door and barrelling down the stairs,butt naked,my clothes were in the sitting room,she's on the ground and I grab him calling him a woman beating scumbag and I'm shaking him and he's a small little guy who was being shook in my arms like a rag doll and crying,no resistance whatsoever

We all ended up talking all night like 3 friends with no mention of the earlier shenanigans

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I had arranged a social with a couple at a local pub. They were into the “hot wife” scenarios so he had dressed her to impress. They turned up, she looked incredible, he looked homeless.

Haha!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And the balloon winner is.....'Amateur Taxedermist'...Fuck a Duck's commanding lead pooped at the post with a photo finish ....

*boss at work. .how's that blah blah coming along ...Do you MIND ..I'm compering a v important competition. 'Sake *

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By *ustDaveMan over a year ago

Not worst but not nice experience

I’m a fan of oral both giving and receiving. I have met a couple of women where I have had to experience the dreaded Toilet Roll Kebab. Now you may of already guessed but this is where you are going down on a women exploring all her nooks and crannies, drawing the alphabet over the little man in the boat when you come across the stray bit of toilet roll.

Now finding it is one thing, dealing with it is the next.

Do you stop during this incredibly passionate moment to tell her she has a bit of bog roll hang around her lady bits?

Do you carefully guide the offending object away from the important areas?

Does she feel it as well as you sensing it’s presence with the tip of your tongue?

Do you forget it’s there and plough on taking one for the team?

No easy answer

Now this is not the worst discovery I have made while playing tongue tennis with the little man in the boat but it might be a bit too much to post on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do love a nosy and everyday comedy, so love to hear about those corker terrible meets. The cringes, the shockers, the 'what?!'s

All culprits anon so no admin gets stroppy. ..best one gets a balloon"

Turning up with a totally different women and 20 years older, that was an interesting 20 mins.

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By *ooliganMan over a year ago

Preston

Anyone else just scrolled through to check none of their past meets have posted?

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By *ongleggedfemaleWoman over a year ago

Bucks

Reading these makes me thankful I've only had the ones who don't look like their pics or those who suddenly had to go to the shop (for fuck knows what) or make a call and didnt come back.

Oh and I did take a guy to a party where he ignored me all night to play with others there. Worse thing was we were in a hotel together. As he'd worn himself out he had no energy left for me and we ended up leaving at 6am in the morning as he had to get back to see to his brother's dog.

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By *al2001Man over a year ago

kildare

"Anyone else just scrolled through to check none of their past meets have posted?

I regularly post about myself on these threads,same story tho

I fainted on a couple meet in their kitchen and hopped my head off their tile floor

I came around to the Mrs screaming "oh jaysus jimmy he's dead"

Bit later we tried to have fun in the sitting room but my green colour was putting them off apparently

Mrs ended up putting me to bed like a big baby.bless

In my defence earlier that day my ex had came and emptied our house of her stuff even tho we were split about 6 months,finally putting an end to it and it was a traumatic event and I thought bit of fun would have done me world of good.it didn't

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reading these makes me thankful I've only had the ones who don't look like their pics or those who suddenly had to go to the shop (for fuck knows what) or make a call and didnt come back.

What an idiot . You are gorgeous. His loss

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Not worst but not nice experience

Now finding it is one thing, dealing with it is the next.

Do you stop during this incredibly passionate moment to tell her she has a bit of bog roll hang around her lady bits?

Do you carefully guide the offending object away from the important areas?

Does she feel it as well as you sensing it’s presence with the tip of your tongue?

Do you forget it’s there and plough on taking one for the team?

No easy answer

Now this is not the worst discovery I have made while playing tongue tennis with the little man in the boat but it might be a bit too much to post on here "

The correct answer is to switch to fingers and gently remove while distracting her by using your mouth elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reading these makes me thankful I've only had the ones who don't look like their pics or those who suddenly had to go to the shop (for fuck knows what) or make a call and didnt come back.

Sod the dog I’d stayed with you for longer

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By *abulously curiousCouple over a year ago

manchester

"Anyone else just scrolled through to check none of their past meets have posted?

"
this made me giggle. I'm dying to see someone say well thanks lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My first meet on fab. On my original profile...

It lasted 6 seconds.

Talked for a while agreed to meet.

In a hotel car park.

She drove up opened the car door looked out of the car, said

"Oh God No"

Shut the car door and drove away.

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By *abulously curiousCouple over a year ago

manchester

"My first meet on fab. On my original profile...

It lasted 6 seconds.

Talked for a while agreed to meet.

In a hotel car park.

She drove up opened the car door looked out of the car, said

"Oh God No"

Shut the car door and drove away.

"
wow... I admit I'm laughing but u poor thing x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We had arranged a meet and checked that he had read our profile and he did say he had so when he turned up we had to turn him away as he had a full beard and chest hair sticking out the top of his top

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve had a few....

One guy, First meet, left shit stains on my bedding. Last time I invite a stranger to my place.

Most recent was a quickie before work but he knew I was coming over, went to give him a bj but he just stank of piss & horrid sweaty man smells.... Bleurgh!

Oh and a funny one was a guy who literally touched my boob & then came all over my leg.

Ohhhh the fun we have on Fab!!

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By *abulously curiousCouple over a year ago

manchester

"I’ve had a few....

One guy, First meet, left shit stains on my bedding. Last time I invite a stranger to my place.

Most recent was a quickie before work but he knew I was coming over, went to give him a bj but he just stank of piss & horrid sweaty man smells.... Bleurgh!

Oh and a funny one was a guy who literally touched my boob & then came all over my leg.

Ohhhh the fun we have on Fab!! "
smelly willies bluuuuurrrgh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That’s a definitely a no no being clean and smelling good it’s not much to except or is it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have 2

1st: I met a lass in the pub and we were chatting and I thought we were getting along and she did too. Then a friend I knew came and sat next to me talking about WWE wrestling, didnt take the hint to piss off and the lass went to the toilet to be never seen again.

2nd: I met another and stopped the night and in the morning she decided to give me a morning blow. As I came in her mouth her son decided to walk in asking foe Tweenies on TV

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By *orldSeller0Man over a year ago

Craigavon

Only had one meet off here which was mostly good tbh not all that bad lol, so we were messaging back and forth for a good while and we were meaning to have all sorts erotic fun but i ah got to her's and unfortunatly the first thing i notice is the pretty horrendous stench of animal urine..

So yeah right then and there i obviously made up my mind that i wasnt gonna do anything sexually with her but i decided to come in and stay and at least chat for a bit.. (didnt wanna be a complete asshole to her you know)

So we talked.. actually ended up talking for a good solid hour or two about life in general and alot very personal things and it was without doubt one of the best convos ive ever had in my life..

So yeah even tho it wasnt perfect or it wasnt what we imagined it to be, but i believe we both got alot out of that little meeting, i know i certainly did. I have to say that i definitely learnt an important lesson that day...

That its very, very easy to judge a book by its cover and people tend not to want to read a book "they know,they wont like" but you know sometimes it really is worth opening that book up and giving it a chance and then you begin to see it for what it really is.. Not for what it is not.

Peace and love, brothers and sisters xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It was my first ever met on fabs -just as well I'm made of sterner stuff lol !

MF couple in manchester whose profile had them late 30s and very attractive. Even sent me face pics in DM.

When I got there a couple resembling Norris and Rita from Corrie welcomed me in. I asumed there was aparty on and asked for the hosts by name. "That's us".

"There sems to have been a misunderstanding".... in my car within 3 mins

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By *evaquitCouple over a year ago

Catthorpe

A few stories we could tell but one that comes to mind was a single guy meet where when the play began between Mrs and he it was became obvious he was more interested in our Mr. Our meets are always Mrs plays and Mr watches but this guy clearly had other plans. The meet fizzled into a non event and we left asap. He still has straight in his profile now but we and he knows that's not entirely the truth.

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"My first meet on fab. On my original profile...

It lasted 6 seconds.

Talked for a while agreed to meet.

In a hotel car park.

She drove up opened the car door looked out of the car, said

"Oh God No"

Shut the car door and drove away.

I am assuming it wasn't a 'Hi mum/sis' thing?

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"I’ve had a few....

One guy, First meet, left shit stains on my bedding. Last time I invite a stranger to my place.

Most recent was a quickie before work but he knew I was coming over, went to give him a bj but he just stank of piss & horrid sweaty man smells.... Bleurgh!

Oh and a funny one was a guy who literally touched my boob & then came all over my leg.

Ohhhh the fun we have on Fab!! smelly willies bluuuuurrrgh"

That problem isn't a solely male one. I have had a meet where the lady stank. It wasn't quite a bacterial infection smell, more like 'I've been to the gym wearing lycra then gone clubbing and haven't showered in 2 days'..

Unfortunately she had my cock in her mouth by the time I got her knickers off, but there was no way I was putting my mouth near that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[b]I think my penis died for a while. [/b]"

Did'nt you think of asking her to stuff it for you?

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By *itvclaireTV/TS over a year ago

Birmingham

My first has to rate as one of my worst. Cant even remember what site I was on. Got talking to this guy, and arranged to meet. Drove to his fully dressed, and it was long drive too. Get there we start talking for a bit, all seemed OK. Then we went upstairs, he now says he just wants me to fuck him. He didn't want to say before as it might have put me off meeting him. Put one finger in him and he ran off to the bathroom. When he came back he just sat on the end of the bed, and started crying. Then went on some rant about a couple he had met. He had leant them some toys, and was going on about the bus fare. To go and get them back. Made my excuses and left sharpish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We’ve had a few awful meets but more of an incident springs to mind, we were at a club playing by ourselves and a couple get nearer start touching and before long me and the other lady are giving the other guy a double blowjob whilst hubby skirts around waiting his turn, you’d think! But the guy cums, they immediately get up and go off to the bar without a word, no thanks for that etc, so selfish.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

This one must surely win the balloon?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Only had one meet off here which was mostly good tbh not all that bad lol, so we were messaging back and forth for a good while and we were meaning to have all sorts erotic fun but i ah got to her's and unfortunatly the first thing i notice is the pretty horrendous stench of animal urine..

So we talked.. actually ended up talking for a good solid hour or two about life in general and alot very personal things and it was without doubt one of the best convos ive ever had in my life..

Peace and love, brothers and sisters xxx

Even if the book is drenched in horrendous stinking animal urine?!?

You're a better man than me

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

"Just had it today

My first couple swap worst experience of my life i feel utterly depressed now"

Please tell?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just had it today

My first couple swap worst experience of my life i feel utterly depressed now

Please tell? "

Based on my own experience, I'd hazard a guess it wasn't very enchanting. Maybe it's a little clearer now why my profile puts such an onus on seduction

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I think my penis died for a while. Took a long time to get over that experience.

This one must surely win the balloon?!

Photo finish with Fuck a Duck!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You mean other than the ones that didn’t turn up?

About 8 years ago, going through a dry spell, drive about 45 mins to a ladies house based on half a dozen messages and one questionable photo.

Knocked on the door, she answered. Minimum 20 years older than the photo. About 3 teeth left. I could smell the stench for the house from 3 feet away.

I turned around and walked away.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You mean other than the ones that didn’t turn up?

About 8 years ago, going through a dry spell, drive about 45 mins to a ladies house based on half a dozen messages and one questionable photo.

Knocked on the door, she answered. Minimum 20 years older than the photo. About 3 teeth left. I could smell the stench for the house from 3 feet away.

I turned around and walked away."

You’re a good man...... I would have stayed and got a gum job

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You mean other than the ones that didn’t turn up?

About 8 years ago, going through a dry spell, drive about 45 mins to a ladies house based on half a dozen messages and one questionable photo.

Knocked on the door, she answered. Minimum 20 years older than the photo. About 3 teeth left. I could smell the stench for the house from 3 feet away.

I turned around and walked away.

You’re a good man...... I would have stayed and got a gum job"

I wasn’t that desperate. Another month or so and it may have been a different story.

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By *astings SocialWoman over a year ago

Hastings

"I visit my family in the Midlands regularly.

I got a message from a guy, 10yrs younger than me, great pics, excellent veris but I declined his offer of a social as was only there for a couple of days.

We sporadically kept in contact over 10 months,and every visit home he asked to meet me.

I'd arranged drinks with an old school friend but she feel ill, so I agreed to meet him that night.

Turns out the slightly overweight, much older, short, sweaty, balding man in front of me was my 'date'

I've never drank a bottle of Zinfandel so quickly in my life!"

Was thinking of you when started reading this thread lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You mean other than the ones that didn’t turn up?

About 8 years ago, going through a dry spell, drive about 45 mins to a ladies house based on half a dozen messages and one questionable photo.

Knocked on the door, she answered. Minimum 20 years older than the photo. About 3 teeth left. I could smell the stench for the house from 3 feet away.

I turned around and walked away.

You’re a good man...... I would have stayed and got a gum job

I wasn’t that desperate. Another month or so and it may have been a different story."

Dry spells are the worst..... I was stuck in Saipan for 2 weeks once .... I was so horny the goats started to look sexy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You mean other than the ones that didn’t turn up?

About 8 years ago, going through a dry spell, drive about 45 mins to a ladies house based on half a dozen messages and one questionable photo.

Knocked on the door, she answered. Minimum 20 years older than the photo. About 3 teeth left. I could smell the stench for the house from 3 feet away.

I turned around and walked away.

You’re a good man...... I would have stayed and got a gum job

I wasn’t that desperate. Another month or so and it may have been a different story.

Dry spells are the worst..... I was stuck in Saipan for 2 weeks once .... I was so horny the goats started to look sexy "

Jesus! You think 2 weeks is a dry spell!?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You mean other than the ones that didn’t turn up?

About 8 years ago, going through a dry spell, drive about 45 mins to a ladies house based on half a dozen messages and one questionable photo.

Knocked on the door, she answered. Minimum 20 years older than the photo. About 3 teeth left. I could smell the stench for the house from 3 feet away.

I turned around and walked away.

You’re a good man...... I would have stayed and got a gum job

I wasn’t that desperate. Another month or so and it may have been a different story.

Dry spells are the worst..... I was stuck in Saipan for 2 weeks once .... I was so horny the goats started to look sexy

Jesus! You think 2 weeks is a dry spell!?

Yes for me it is.......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not worst but not nice experience

Now finding it is one thing, dealing with it is the next.

Do you stop during this incredibly passionate moment to tell her she has a bit of bog roll hang around her lady bits?

Do you carefully guide the offending object away from the important areas?

Does she feel it as well as you sensing it’s presence with the tip of your tongue?

Do you forget it’s there and plough on taking one for the team?

No easy answer

Now this is not the worst discovery I have made while playing tongue tennis with the little man in the boat but it might be a bit too much to post on here "

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Not worst but not nice experience

Now finding it is one thing, dealing with it is the next.

Do you stop during this incredibly passionate moment to tell her she has a bit of bog roll hang around her lady bits?

Do you carefully guide the offending object away from the important areas?

Does she feel it as well as you sensing it’s presence with the tip of your tongue?

Do you forget it’s there and plough on taking one for the team?

No easy answer

Now this is not the worst discovery I have made while playing tongue tennis with the little man in the boat but it might be a bit too much to post on here

Could have been worse. Could have found it while rimming.. and praying that is was a leftover from the last time she wiped front to back.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jes there’s some horror stories -

Been there but why o why to people have to lie about there age and post different photos. Lesson learnt - god bless google reverse photo search

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I received an invite to a couples house not far from me, upon arrival when he open the door I was greeted by the most dirty and untidy house ever, cat litter tray overflowing, wallpaper peeling, washing and kids toys all over.

Before I could stop myself I told the guy I was really sorry but my ocd would not let step foot in the house.

He then told me to fuck off and slammed the door!"

Possibly my biggest turn off is dirty houses. Some people just don’t see it though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can't beat a good fuck a duck when cumming

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Can't beat a good fuck a duck when cumming

A guy I worked with used to sing the superman theme tune when he was having sex..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One of the worst ones I had was a couple of years ago, all was going well until I felt like I was going to throw up! Had to stop to go to the loo, I felt awful, he asked if it was the 2 glasses of wine I had which it wasn’t, I was ill for a week afterwards turns out i had caught a bug from one of my kids "

snap lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey up stranger where you been ? Can not see your profile anymore x

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

"I visit my family in the Midlands regularly.

I got a message from a guy, 10yrs younger than me, great pics, excellent veris but I declined his offer of a social as was only there for a couple of days.

We sporadically kept in contact over 10 months,and every visit home he asked to meet me.

I'd arranged drinks with an old school friend but she feel ill, so I agreed to meet him that night.

Turns out the slightly overweight, much older, short, sweaty, balding man in front of me was my 'date'

I've never drank a bottle of Zinfandel so quickly in my life!

Was thinking of you when started reading this thread lol"

You've heard most of my tales

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had a coffee meet, he eventually turned up, sat down then made an excuse he had to go to meet his friend and left lol

I was relieved tbh but shocked at how rude he was. I've had a complex ever since about coffee meets lol

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

"I had a coffee meet, he eventually turned up, sat down then made an excuse he had to go to meet his friend and left lol

I was relieved tbh but shocked at how rude he was. I've had a complex ever since about coffee meets lol"

The bloke was a dam fool,hope a few good coffee meets gets you back up and running

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