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Unable to get hard during a meet
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By *ea_Coffee OP Couple
over a year ago
Near Kettering |
So at some point point it will happen to most guys (usually at the beginning of their swinging journey), All goes well and before you know it you are invited to join a couple for some fun and you have trouble achieving an erection.
We are writing this because we just wanted to say that it is OK.
As a couple with a guy who has also had this happen to him, when things don't go plan don't get flustered and upset. There are plenty of ways to give and receive pleasure with a little creativity and patience and still lots of fun to be had.
We and I am sure many others know that from time to time these things just happen the way we want and the more pressure you put on yourself to perform the more harder it will be for you to relax and for your body to do what comes naturally.
Here are our tips.
Don't
1. Do not get over excited and play things out in your mind. In our experience this leads to over expectation on yourself to perform like a porn star and ultimately disappointment that you didn't
2. Forget porn. Not every one on this site wants to fuck like a porn star. Some of us just enjoy a relaxed evening with gentle play. Just relax and accept that events will unfold naturally and not inline with a poor script or over the top posing and screaming.
3. Don't pile pressure yourself to perform. The harder you try the worst things will get and the more uncomfortable things will be between you the people you are playing with.
Do
1. Relax, talk and explain to potential playmates that sometimes this happens to you. It gives the couple your with a chance to help relax you and not put pressure on you.
2. Consider that getting to know a couple over time and through meeting more than once you will begin to be confident being with and around them. You will developed a natural comfort with them and things will happen accordingly. It's about good sex not as many partners as you can get.
3. Do consider medications. Viagra is now available to buy from most chemist's and for free on the NHS if you talk to your doctor. It doesn't have to be permanent solution often it's just a little helping hand until you feel confident that you no longer them. It's not a failure on your part to use them.
I hope many more user will offer encouragement on this issue as I know how bad it can make you feel when this happens.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thats a good post and the sort of thing that will put peoples mind at rest.
Relaxed fun with no pressure to perform like a porn star is what meets should be all about. |
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It happens sometimes and tbh I’ve never made a big deal about it, the poor guy feels bad enough without me adding to his anxieties, as long as we could still kiss and have foreplay I’ve never made a fuss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only happened to me once. We played around for a bit and up it popped. Just having a little rest for what was about to happen. Just relax and enjoy yourself x |
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"Thats a good post and the sort of thing that will put peoples mind at rest.
Relaxed fun with no pressure to perform like a porn star is what meets should be all about."
correct, sadly getting that point over is not always easy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Much love for this post! I completely appreciate how much pressure first meets can be. I met a guy who couldn't get hard on our first two meets.. 3rd time lucky and the best sex I've ever had !
Chill out and have fun.. the rest will follow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Happened to me with a guy on a first meet. We sat and chatted and did other things instead. It was still a good time and on our second meet it wasn't an issue x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So at some point point it will happen to most guys (usually at the beginning of their swinging journey), All goes well and before you know it you are invited to join a couple for some fun and you have trouble achieving an erection.
We are writing this because we just wanted to say that it is OK.
As a couple with a guy who has also had this happen to him, when things don't go plan don't get flustered and upset. There are plenty of ways to give and receive pleasure with a little creativity and patience and still lots of fun to be had.
We and I am sure many others know that from time to time these things just happen the way we want and the more pressure you put on yourself to perform the more harder it will be for you to relax and for your body to do what comes naturally.
Here are our tips.
Don't
1. Do not get over excited and play things out in your mind. In our experience this leads to over expectation on yourself to perform like a porn star and ultimately disappointment that you didn't
2. Forget porn. Not every one on this site wants to fuck like a porn star. Some of us just enjoy a relaxed evening with gentle play. Just relax and accept that events will unfold naturally and not inline with a poor script or over the top posing and screaming.
3. Don't pile pressure yourself to perform. The harder you try the worst things will get and the more uncomfortable things will be between you the people you are playing with.
Do
1. Relax, talk and explain to potential playmates that sometimes this happens to you. It gives the couple your with a chance to help relax you and not put pressure on you.
2. Consider that getting to know a couple over time and through meeting more than once you will begin to be confident being with and around them. You will developed a natural comfort with them and things will happen accordingly. It's about good sex not as many partners as you can get.
3. Do consider medications. Viagra is now available to buy from most chemist's and for free on the NHS if you talk to your doctor. It doesn't have to be permanent solution often it's just a little helping hand until you feel confident that you no longer them. It's not a failure on your part to use them.
I hope many more user will offer encouragement on this issue as I know how bad it can make you feel when this happens.
"
A brilliant post
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So at some point point it will happen to most guys (usually at the beginning of their swinging journey), All goes well and before you know it you are invited to join a couple for some fun and you have trouble achieving an erection.
We are writing this because we just wanted to say that it is OK.
As a couple with a guy who has also had this happen to him, when things don't go plan don't get flustered and upset. There are plenty of ways to give and receive pleasure with a little creativity and patience and still lots of fun to be had.
We and I am sure many others know that from time to time these things just happen the way we want and the more pressure you put on yourself to perform the more harder it will be for you to relax and for your body to do what comes naturally.
Here are our tips.
Don't
1. Do not get over excited and play things out in your mind. In our experience this leads to over expectation on yourself to perform like a porn star and ultimately disappointment that you didn't
2. Forget porn. Not every one on this site wants to fuck like a porn star. Some of us just enjoy a relaxed evening with gentle play. Just relax and accept that events will unfold naturally and not inline with a poor script or over the top posing and screaming.
3. Don't pile pressure yourself to perform. The harder you try the worst things will get and the more uncomfortable things will be between you the people you are playing with.
Do
1. Relax, talk and explain to potential playmates that sometimes this happens to you. It gives the couple your with a chance to help relax you and not put pressure on you.
2. Consider that getting to know a couple over time and through meeting more than once you will begin to be confident being with and around them. You will developed a natural comfort with them and things will happen accordingly. It's about good sex not as many partners as you can get.
3. Do consider medications. Viagra is now available to buy from most chemist's and for free on the NHS if you talk to your doctor. It doesn't have to be permanent solution often it's just a little helping hand until you feel confident that you no longer them. It's not a failure on your part to use them.
I hope many more user will offer encouragement on this issue as I know how bad it can make you feel when this happens.
"
Fantastic advice right there. I think it must happen to most guys. I myself have had it happen.
But it gets better the more experience you have.
Went to a gang bang once, and about 3 guys simply couldn't perform, made their excuses and left. And as far as I'm concerned they needn't have. But some put so much pressure on themselves to perform.
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"So at some point point it will happen to most guys (usually at the beginning of their swinging journey), All goes well and before you know it you are invited to join a couple for some fun and you have trouble achieving an erection.
We are writing this because we just wanted to say that it is OK.
As a couple with a guy who has also had this happen to him, when things don't go plan don't get flustered and upset. There are plenty of ways to give and receive pleasure with a little creativity and patience and still lots of fun to be had.
We and I am sure many others know that from time to time these things just happen the way we want and the more pressure you put on yourself to perform the more harder it will be for you to relax and for your body to do what comes naturally.
Here are our tips.
Don't
1. Do not get over excited and play things out in your mind. In our experience this leads to over expectation on yourself to perform like a porn star and ultimately disappointment that you didn't
2. Forget porn. Not every one on this site wants to fuck like a porn star. Some of us just enjoy a relaxed evening with gentle play. Just relax and accept that events will unfold naturally and not inline with a poor script or over the top posing and screaming.
3. Don't pile pressure yourself to perform. The harder you try the worst things will get and the more uncomfortable things will be between you the people you are playing with.
Do
1. Relax, talk and explain to potential playmates that sometimes this happens to you. It gives the couple your with a chance to help relax you and not put pressure on you.
2. Consider that getting to know a couple over time and through meeting more than once you will begin to be confident being with and around them. You will developed a natural comfort with them and things will happen accordingly. It's about good sex not as many partners as you can get.
3. Do consider medications. Viagra is now available to buy from most chemist's and for free on the NHS if you talk to your doctor. It doesn't have to be permanent solution often it's just a little helping hand until you feel confident that you no longer them. It's not a failure on your part to use them.
I hope many more user will offer encouragement on this issue as I know how bad it can make you feel when this happens.
"
Just wanted to say as a guy thats had this stage fright a bit in past thank you for making us guys feel better about ourselves its a massive confidence boost and very positive post too thanks to you both x |
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By *ea_Coffee OP Couple
over a year ago
Near Kettering |
"fucking hell....ive seen it all here now. What a coont!!
"Guys if you cant get hard then..blah blah..." = jog on.
"
I'm not sure why the hostility because the post was not intended to cause offence to anyone, it was intended to reassure people who have this problem that it is ok and that there are other ways to have a good time.
We posted this as over the weekend we had an encounter with a fairly nice guy. Not from FAB and not friends on here.
Everything was going well until we said he could join us for a play and immediately he began telling us how he didn't need Viagra as he he could always get hard ect ect.
When he couldn't he began making excuses and things got very awkward.
Had we known or had we been able to chat with him about it just a little we could have been a lot more encouraging and wouldn't have had a problem but unfortunately he had already put so much pressure on himself he was unreachable.
The male half has had this happen more than once so we do understand and it isn't a deal breaker but the atmosphere turning awkward for all of us is so we had to make our excuses and move on.
Such a shame because it was going well until then.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The certain poster up there needs to grow up coz it's going to happen to him one day 
ED or stage fright, whatever you want to call it sounds pretty awful to deal with, having vaginismus myself I kinda know. But if both parties are mature enough to not make an issue of it then other delightful pleasures can be had.
It's comments like one up there that compound the issue and turn it into a vicious circle. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"The certain poster up there needs to grow up coz it's going to happen to him one day
ED or stage fright, whatever you want to call it sounds pretty awful to deal with, having vaginismus myself I kinda know. But if both parties are mature enough to not make an issue of it then other delightful pleasures can be had.
It's comments like one up there that compound the issue and turn it into a vicious circle. "
Exactly!! Fab has a tendency to create an image of the need for machismo and being a "go all night stud who can repeat at will" which couldn't be further from the truth in my experience - ED and even PE aren't laughing matters and can have a completely negative impact if treated in the wrong way.
Treated sensitively, reassuringly and thoughtfully as the OP has done can lead to fulfilling experiences just the same.  |
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I wouldn't dare suggest that this affects every TV/TS in the same way but...
As transgender woman (no hormones, non-op, not 100% time, but nevertheless...) I often find body, desire and gender identity fighting among themselves. Sexy situations lead to desire. Desire leads to erection. Erection fights against female identity and interferes with desire... And that's before taking any hormones, which will really fuck with a girl's ability to get aroused...
So good people of fab, if you find yourself in a situation with myself or any of my sisters in transness, please give us a bit of consideration if we have a little difficulty at some point  |
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"I wouldn't dare suggest that this affects every TV/TS in the same way but...
As transgender woman (no hormones, non-op, not 100% time, but nevertheless...) I often find body, desire and gender identity fighting among themselves. Sexy situations lead to desire. Desire leads to erection. Erection fights against female identity and interferes with desire... And that's before taking any hormones, which will really fuck with a girl's ability to get aroused...
So good people of fab, if you find yourself in a situation with myself or any of my sisters in transness, please give us a bit of consideration if we have a little difficulty at some point "
Well said having a trans girlfriend myself its understandable though in her case she gets embrassed if she gets aroused that way but i dont make a thing of it just kiss and cuddle her more x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How do you solve the issue of condoms turning a man off? When meeting, if it all goes well and I’m attracted to the other lady I have absolutely no problems with getting aroused, no mental issue, no confidence issues and certainly no doubts at all. But, when I reach the point where I know the lady wants me inside her, I whip out the condom and as soon as I feel the texture and even just see it, my erection goes AWOL! Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I get to slide it on first! I’m still horny as hell but it seems my cock has a mind of its own and just doesn’t like condoms! Obviously that pretty much ends play, or we continue with “soft” play, but what’s more frustrating is that once I have thrown the condom away, out of sight, I instantly get rock hard again!!! Madness!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you solve the issue of condoms turning a man off? When meeting, if it all goes well and I’m attracted to the other lady I have absolutely no problems with getting aroused, no mental issue, no confidence issues and certainly no doubts at all. But, when I reach the point where I know the lady wants me inside her, I whip out the condom and as soon as I feel the texture and even just see it, my erection goes AWOL! Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I get to slide it on first! I’m still horny as hell but it seems my cock has a mind of its own and just doesn’t like condoms! Obviously that pretty much ends play, or we continue with “soft” play, but what’s more frustrating is that once I have thrown the condom away, out of sight, I instantly get rock hard again!!! Madness!!! "
I would suggest using a condom with your wife for a week prior to meeting a new Couple...
Or you can start playing with your wife first , then slip the condom on before you play with the other lady....
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"How do you solve the issue of condoms turning a man off? When meeting, if it all goes well and I’m attracted to the other lady I have absolutely no problems with getting aroused, no mental issue, no confidence issues and certainly no doubts at all. But, when I reach the point where I know the lady wants me inside her, I whip out the condom and as soon as I feel the texture and even just see it, my erection goes AWOL! Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I get to slide it on first! I’m still horny as hell but it seems my cock has a mind of its own and just doesn’t like condoms! Obviously that pretty much ends play, or we continue with “soft” play, but what’s more frustrating is that once I have thrown the condom away, out of sight, I instantly get rock hard again!!! Madness!!! "
Have you tried different brands/types (e.g. non-latex)? Does the same thing happen bareback with Mrs BD? Is it some form of performance anxiety because it's someone different? Or even something as simple as worrying about Mrs BD being upset?
Not saying any of the above apply, nor expecting you to answer, or have any answers myself, just some food for thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my experience, The main thing that stops men from staying hard is condom use....
Most of the guys I do gang bangs with are attached or married... So they don’t use condoms with there partners...
They then come to a gang bang and jerk off for 3 hours...
My solution has been to jerk off into condoms a few days prior to coming to a party. This usually helps.....
The only case of stage fright I have encountered was meeting a couple and the wife having a pungent smell... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you tried different brands/types (e.g. non-latex)? Does the same thing happen bareback with Mrs BD? Is it some form of performance anxiety because it's someone different? Or even something as simple as worrying about Mrs BD being upset?
Not saying any of the above apply, nor expecting you to answer, or have any answers myself, just some food for thought "
We have tried every brand we know, we tend to stick with Skyns now for the obvious reasons of sensation, but it still happens. Me and Mrs B have used them and it never happens to me then, In fact it’s quite the opposite! But when we “play” I don’t feel anxious at all as I am hard throughout, it’s just as soon as the condoms come out and I open the package and feel the greasy, rubbery texture it’s game over until it’s out of sight! Can’t quite find a reason for this to be honest? Very frustrating! And there’s no way we’re playing bareback! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Have you tried different brands/types (e.g. non-latex)? Does the same thing happen bareback with Mrs BD? Is it some form of performance anxiety because it's someone different? Or even something as simple as worrying about Mrs BD being upset?
Not saying any of the above apply, nor expecting you to answer, or have any answers myself, just some food for thought
We have tried every brand we know, we tend to stick with Skyns now for the obvious reasons of sensation, but it still happens. Me and Mrs B have used them and it never happens to me then, In fact it’s quite the opposite! But when we “play” I don’t feel anxious at all as I am hard throughout, it’s just as soon as the condoms come out and I open the package and feel the greasy, rubbery texture it’s game over until it’s out of sight! Can’t quite find a reason for this to be honest? Very frustrating! And there’s no way we’re playing bareback! "
Hmmm I feel for you but honestly not sure what the answer is - other than maybe either anxiety at being with someone new or that Mrs BD will be upset at you being with another woman that way, which I am sure in reality is not the case (you wouldn't be here otherwise) but the mind can be a bugger at times for working against all logic and doing so without you realising it.
Certainly doesn't sound like a physical issue, especially given you use them without a problem with Mrs BD and don't have a problem without them. |
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By *ea_Coffee OP Couple
over a year ago
Near Kettering |
"Have you tried different brands/types (e.g. non-latex)? Does the same thing happen bareback with Mrs BD? Is it some form of performance anxiety because it's someone different? Or even something as simple as worrying about Mrs BD being upset?
Not saying any of the above apply, nor expecting you to answer, or have any answers myself, just some food for thought
We have tried every brand we know, we tend to stick with Skyns now for the obvious reasons of sensation, but it still happens. Me and Mrs B have used them and it never happens to me then, In fact it’s quite the opposite! But when we “play” I don’t feel anxious at all as I am hard throughout, it’s just as soon as the condoms come out and I open the package and feel the greasy, rubbery texture it’s game over until it’s out of sight! Can’t quite find a reason for this to be honest? Very frustrating! And there’s no way we’re playing bareback! "
Have you tried femidoms?
They are not for everyone but the ormelle brand are very good in our oppinoin and can have some surprising benefits. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great thread and very good reading for the nervous.
However i have a slightly different issue in the fact that getting aroused and hard isn't a problem, but cumming is !! Its happened the last few occasions i slept with my ex girlfriend. Everything was great and fun and i am pleased to say that she came a few times and it didnt bother her.....but for the love of god i just couldn't finish !!! I have never had this problem in the past and i have no problem when masturbating but when sex is involved it just doesnt happen. Is there anyone else out there experienced similar or is it just me ???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nice post...
unfortunately some male halves of couples want that single guy to be a porn star...they might find it an insult to their 'hotwife' if you are not aroused ASAP.
For my needs..I require in most cases a fun connection from the start, and if/when it gets to the sexual stages(nice if the wife/partner is attracted to you and feeling comfortable..as opposed to his 'will').
I've seen a few with the requirement of "no oral/kissing"...in short..this just means you are a cock and you have a job to do.
Fair enough I like the porn star look..but that doesnt mean I'm impervious to not feeling the moment whether physical or mental..or indeed feeling like I'm just viewed as a performing seal.
Thankfully I've met enough to know it isn't ALL about cock attributes. |
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Love this post. What are your views on the male half not having brilliant stamina. I love it when i please a man whether that means he cums in 2 mins or 30. Hate to see men put off cos they get over excited and it affects there confidence, as men seem to think they need to be porn stars and go for hours. If they add foreplay and all have fun,i don't see the issue with this either  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Love this post. What are your views on the male half not having brilliant stamina. I love it when i please a man whether that means he cums in 2 mins or 30. Hate to see men put off cos they get over excited and it affects there confidence, as men seem to think they need to be porn stars and go for hours. If they add foreplay and all have fun,i don't see the issue with this either "
Another curse us guys are faced with that whole self-perception that if we can't go for hours and control when we sum completely that we're somehow lacking. As you say there's plenty of things that can be done before and after penetrative sex that are pleasurable and may well delay things, especially with an understanding and reassuring partner.
Whilst not always, more often than not, just like ED, it IS all in the head and about confidence and being relaxed. If you take your time building up to it, rather than just going straight to penetrative sex it can help too
Either way with an understanding partner that doesn't place expectations on you and is ready to go at your pace it doesn't have to be a problem - especially if when it happens you accept it, take a break and wait a while to recover before going again (when more often than not it lasts longer anyway). |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I've come to rely on viagra a bit too much myself.  Was never ever an issue when I was younger but testosterone falls in your 30s. Why am I admitting this here?  "
Because it's an open and honest and non-judgemental thread |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've come to rely on viagra a bit too much myself. Was never ever an issue when I was younger but testosterone falls in your 30s. Why am I admitting this here?
Because it's an open and honest and non-judgemental thread "
and the forum is a tiny fraction of fab  |
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Well it's reassuring to know that other guys here have experienced similar issues. From condoms killing the moment, to not always being able to cum and sometimes just your manhood being temperamental. All those have happened to me on a few occasions.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never had stage fright but have lost an erection from time to time and not been able to get it going again. Plenty of other activities you can do though.
Tiredness is the worst for me, big erection killer. Just happens sometimes. |
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
I wonder if stage fright/ condom fright has happened to all men here, at some point? I'm sure that some won't admit it.
As others have already said, relaxation, communication and maturity will help.
As a caveat, if this happens frequently, I would urge the chap in question to visit his GP, as ED can be a symptom of other serious conditions, such as diabetes, high blood pressure and atherosclerosis (blocked blood vessels). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Really good thread finding the forums the best side of fab now, so far getting and staying hard not an issue but the killer for me is either 20 mins and done or the other end of the spectrum and going for donkeys without the end result.
Planning on going to a club soon so a lot of the kind words are very reassuring thanks to all the replies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love this post. What are your views on the male half not having brilliant stamina. I love it when i please a man whether that means he cums in 2 mins or 30. Hate to see men put off cos they get over excited and it affects there confidence, as men seem to think they need to be porn stars and go for hours. If they add foreplay and all have fun,i don't see the issue with this either "
I personally prefer a man that lasts 10 minutes than 30 minutes. I find it exciting when I get a man so excited he cums as soon as I touch him. That's why I prefer longer meets.. lots of foreplay.. kissing, touching, fingering and exploring each others bodies.. that in itself can be an amazing experience.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I will admit I find it disappointing when a man doesnt cum. I guess it makes me feel like he hasn't enjoyed himself.. oddly I don't take a lack of an erection as a lack of attraction but for some reason for me him cumming and the noise, the look on their face, the rapid thrusting beforehand and the silent relief afterwards for me a huge part of sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very good advice OP. The best sex I've had was with a lady I got to see fairly regularly & I always felt relaxed with her. No problem getting hard & could keep going for what seemed like ages. Sadly she's no longer playing due to various health problems. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As far as i’m concerned if they don’t get hard or stay hard then they clearly don’t find me sexually appealing.
I have no problem with fast cummers. I find that quite sexy.
And whilst i appreciate that some men have issues with getting or maintaining an erection, i find it slightly unfair that some would meet a woman and not tell her they have this issue.
It can make her feel undesireable and affect her confidence.
Honesty and communication beforehand is the way to go, and then there are no suprises.
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