FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Missed opportunities due to being too subtle!
Missed opportunities due to being too subtle!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It has happened to me 3 times now, being too subtle and did not make myself clear that I wanted to play with someone while sitting next to them in the jacuzzi at Chams. 
Each one of them behaved impeccably as the perfect gentleman, keeping their hands to themselves etc...
I thought I was doing the right things like nudging closer to them, turned slightly towards them while conversing with them etc...
Need to be bolder I believe!   |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"It has happened to me 3 times now, being too subtle and did not make myself clear that I wanted to play with someone while sitting next to them in the jacuzzi at Chams.
Each one of them behaved impeccably as the perfect gentleman, keeping their hands to themselves etc...
I thought I was doing the right things like nudging closer to them, turned slightly towards them while conversing with them etc...
Need to be bolder I believe! "
Just grab hold and yank the plank next time........ they should get the message! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I did not complain about them being too subtle!
I am kicking myself for being too subtle!
Yeah right, I hear some of you sigh, me and subtle don't usually go hand in hand together! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pearl Necklace, the same thing has happened to me at Chams a few times, nevere know if to start playing myself or not. Had some interesting conversations though.
We are spending a coule of evenings there next week so may make a "grab" if sitting next to a nice man. |
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I for one would notobject to that!
One night I was at a dogging spot & saw a couple who I thought wanted to be watched, but had given none of the traditional signs 
It was waaay too dark to see,but as I wasnt 150% sure they wanted to be watched by that time, I was just going to head off & leave them to their fun in peace, when the light finally flicked on,and I saw the lady was in her undies! Needless to say I stopped & stayed there for a while,and a very nice night it was too! Nearly lost out on that by not coming forward enough! |
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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago
the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands |
"It has happened to me 3 times now, being too subtle and did not make myself clear that I wanted to play with someone while sitting next to them in the jacuzzi at Chams.
Each one of them behaved impeccably as the perfect gentleman, keeping their hands to themselves etc...
I thought I was doing the right things like nudging closer to them, turned slightly towards them while conversing with them etc...
Need to be bolder I believe! "
By the sound of your behaviour you too showed that your few terms at finishing school in Switzerland paid dividends to your well mannered deportment, though not gaining the recognition for it at Chams last night was pretty bad luck for you If I may be so bold enough to suggest you ease off on subtlety and go for all out cunning! And if I am ever fortunate enough to find myself in a jacuzzi at Chams with you please don't hesitate, angling your face and looking me straight in the eyes isn't going to do it for me I am afraid Pearl, but whispering something suggestive to me...Ding Dong!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"maybe they werent that interested  "
.
Eh, no.
After one of the said gents got out of jacuzzi and left, everyone that remained turned around and asked what I did to him to get THAT result, LOL!
I replied I kept my hands to myself all the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And I may be bold enough to say that if you Had been less subtle, bearing in mind the weekend you had had up to that point, you would be fast asleep now, not online! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And I may be bold enough to say that if you Had been less subtle, bearing in mind the weekend you had had up to that point, you would be fast asleep now, not online! "
.
Certain parts of me are still tender!
Can't sleep yet, waiting for the washer/dryer to finish with a load of workwear that I need for tomorrow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to be the same and in fact I used to get my partner to ask guys for me. Until he said to me, Feebs your an adult, just go and ask. So I did but admittedly we would be chatting for a while until I worked up the courage to ask.
Its not a problem in the jacuzzi, I stroke their thigh. They will move my hand if they didnt want to play. Noone has yet.
I have even been really brave in the steam room and gone up to a guy, got down on my knees and removed his towel. No words were spoken. He didnt stop me.
And another time I went into the orgy room, sat on the bed and beckoned to a guy and said indulge me and he kindly got down on his knees. Its very empowering actually, scary and Im quaking inside at times, but they just think im a bold confident woman |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It has happened to me 3 times now, being too subtle and did not make myself clear that I wanted to play with someone while sitting next to them in the jacuzzi at Chams.
Each one of them behaved impeccably as the perfect gentleman, keeping their hands to themselves etc...
I thought I was doing the right things like nudging closer to them, turned slightly towards them while conversing with them etc...
Need to be bolder I believe! "
just not as bold as i was in berlin !
saw what i liked, moseyed on over, dropped the towel, walked towards the jacuzzi, tripped over the edge and went in head first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I shall try that ploy, its foolproof. Falling onto sexy guys, saying its knocked the wind out of me and I need the kiss of life, but I prefer it to be administered slightly lower than my face  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I shall try that ploy, its foolproof. Falling onto sexy guys, saying its knocked the wind out of me and I need the kiss of life, but I prefer it to be administered slightly lower than my face "
LOL - it did actually work tho not in the jacuzzi - initial embarrasment on both our parts kinda saw to that.
I allowed him to retreat for a short while, then spotted he had gone in the sauna so thought 'hhhhhhmmmmmm, he won't get out of their so easy'
so i cornered him
i'm like a jack russell with an old rag when i set my mind on something haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It has happened to me 3 times now, being too subtle and did not make myself clear that I wanted to play with someone while sitting next to them in the jacuzzi at Chams.
Each one of them behaved impeccably as the perfect gentleman, keeping their hands to themselves etc...
I thought I was doing the right things like nudging closer to them, turned slightly towards them while conversing with them etc...
Need to be bolder I believe! "
i do it all the time, i can never make a first move on someone, fear of rejection i suppose, i have this theory if they are interested they will ask me, and if they dont.....well it saved me making a twat of myself by asking them lol
Thing is thats ok till you get two people thinking the same way and neither asks
i so need to get bolder, i just dont have the confidance to ask first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your all chating and flirting in there just say God i am feeling horny tonight.. looking him strat in the eyes lol it works. Tell them be brave .. if thay would like to thay will x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What's the worst thing that can happen to you - they say no thanks. How is that going to really affect you. Fear of rejection, surely not, us ladies reject guys regularly, some quite rudely, so what's the problem with us facing rejection if we are confident enough to dish it out.
If I really want to play with a guy I will go and ask and use my various tried and trusted flirting techniques. If that is too subtle ill be bold.
Recently there was a very beautiful man in the jacuzzi at Chams. Not just attractive but absolute model like perfection, way prettier than me and out of my league. But what the hell I went for the direct approach, told him a guy like that shouldn't be sitting on his own in a swinging club and I was offering to keep him company. He smiled, I did, he put his hands on my breasts, I put mine on his cock - be bold go for what you want. I can't believe all the assertive ball breaking, say it as it is women on here are scared about asking a guy to play |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Recently there was a very beautiful man in the jacuzzi at Chams. Not just attractive but absolute model like perfection, way prettier than me and out of my league. But what the hell I went for the direct approach, told him a guy like that shouldn't be sitting on his own in a swinging club and I was offering to keep him company. He smiled, I did, he put his hands on my breasts, I put mine on his cock - be bold go for what you want "
awww you remembered me - so sweet |
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By *icboyMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
Being bold is a good thing, some guys are shy, might even be their first time.
If you want things in life we have to bold enough to 1) say so and 2) take our chances when they come along.
Life, remember is a one shot deal.
We cannot look back and think if only or I regret not doing...!
Be positive and bold, you will find that it is a really good way to live.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It has happened to me 3 times now, being too subtle and did not make myself clear that I wanted to play with someone while sitting next to them in the jacuzzi at Chams.
Each one of them behaved impeccably as the perfect gentleman, keeping their hands to themselves etc...
I thought I was doing the right things like nudging closer to them, turned slightly towards them while conversing with them etc...
Need to be bolder I believe! "
maybe they had read your profile? |
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"sublety is wasted on me, i never pick up on it, or think i have misread a situation. I need to be whacked around the head with a six foot picket post to get through."
Lol - know what you mean, have almost mastered the friendly chit chat, its just making the next step. Though once things kick off in a club the ice is broken...
Also as a single guy you don't want to be seen to be the pestering one. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
The problem is if you are TOO bold the men run a mile! I was in the round room at Chams in May and was inviting single men to join me and the amount who blushed and made excuses was astounding.
Seems you can't win for losing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem is if you are TOO bold the men run a mile! I was in the round room at Chams in May and was inviting single men to join me and the amount who blushed and made excuses was astounding.
Seems you can't win for losing!"
I think that signals out the men from the boys though. As I am part of a couple I am not interested in guys wanting to take me to a quiet place, I have my own partner for that. I want to experience the almost taboo nature of swinging and I'm an exhibitionist so I don't want to be hidden away. I like to call guys over to indulge me, if they don't want to fair enough, but it doesn't bother me asking. I don't have full sex in an orgy room, it is oral as I don't want to have sex with loads of guys at once, but I'm ok to say what I am prepared to do and what I want.
I accept its different as I am part of a couple. It makes no odds for me if people play or not, I always have him there to give me what I want. But I wouldn't go to a club and wait for a guy to ask me, swinging has different rules to flirting in pubs and therefore I do what works for me. And feeling empowered by asking guys for a specific sexual service works for me. Its scary and I do have flutters of nerves for sure but its incredible how arousing it is. And let's face it there are not many guys who would be put out by a woman asking them to indulge her sexually than having to play the chatting and flirting for hours before getting down to play. |
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I'm not very good at that either Pearl. Although I went to a social fairly recently and saw a guy there and immediately knew that I want to kiss him. You know that instant lust when you see someone and think phwooooooaaaarrrr! Well I thought sod it... what's the worst that can happen? He might say no, sorry, not interested? Well I can live with that, I'm a grown up (and was in a strange city so so it's not like I was gonna bump into him again if I was rejected) 
Anyway... I wandered over to where he was, caught his eye and when he came over I just said 'I really really want to kiss you' - I didn't have to say any more cause he kissed me! Happy days! Sometimes you just have to say sod it... a no is not the end of the world and who knows what you'd miss out on if you don't ask?
I just asked a girl out! I hope she says yes too! |
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By *exybabyMan
over a year ago
Canterbury....ish |
"It has happened to me 3 times now, being too subtle and did not make myself clear that I wanted to play with someone while sitting next to them in the jacuzzi at Chams.
Each one of them behaved impeccably as the perfect gentleman, keeping their hands to themselves etc...
I thought I was doing the right things like nudging closer to them, turned slightly towards them while conversing with them etc...
Need to be bolder I believe! "
Seems like you've got the same syndrome as me...'Never regret the things in life that you have don't, but the things that you haven't'!!
Time to take the bull by the horns.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem is if you are TOO bold the men run a mile! I was in the round room at Chams in May and was inviting single men to join me and the amount who blushed and made excuses was astounding.
Seems you can't win for losing!"
altho id have to point out, i might be there to intentionally meet certain people lol...i dont wanna wast my precious manjuice lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Here's the plan Pearl
You sit between 2 guys in the jacuzzi, under water, gently stroke the cock of the guy you fancy.
If he looks at you and says "I'm sorry I'm really not interested" look him straight in the eye and say "I have no idea what you're on about" gesture at the guy sat on the other side of you, accusingly and get out looking disgusted at him.
You save face and some poor innocent guys gets smacked squarely between the eyes. |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
We are both hopeless at making the first move (mixture lack of confidence & not wanting to offend or come across as pushy)
Missed out on playing quite a few times as people have thought we were not interested as didn't make a move.
We will usually always wait for the other couple/single to make the first move....which is fine until we come across another couple like us lol
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have since PM'ed the gents and let them know I am interested in playing with them, and asked them to arrive at Chams early for the Beach Party and join me for some fun!
Sorted! |
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"I have since PM'ed the gents and let them know I am interested in playing with them, and asked them to arrive at Chams early for the Beach Party and join me for some fun!
Sorted! "
you greedy girl have fun |
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On the flip side, we tried the unsubtle approach by asking a couple if we could join in while lying next to them and playing on the bed in the round room at Chams. The look we got was like we'd approached a vicar in tesco! Just a rather aggressive "no" and that was it.
If it was us, and it's happened, we normally just respond with a smile and no thanks, they smile back and everyone's happy. It's hard to explain but when you're in a club you are accepted for the lifestyle choice you've made, and rejection is fine and in these circles people tend to be very accepting of everyone's preferences and rights, but to be made to feel "weird" is probably tge thing most people fear when deciding to be subtle or not.
I guess it's just a throw back to life in tge "real world"...
So do understand people's fears, our experience ended tge night for us.
Thanks
D&K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are always going to be some people that aren't pleasant if they refuse, that's life isn't it. Sometimes me and CHris don't want any company and if we are otherwise engaged and not able to talk I just tend to gently move peoples hands away if they touch me.
I wouldn't just approach a guy if he was part of a couple and ask him to play or touch him in the jacuzzi unless I gained permission from his partner. If its a couple you have to consider the two of them. But if I knew a guy was a single guy, and even if he was chatting to other ladies, then I would approach him if I liked him and ask him if he would like to play and come and find me when free.
As part of a couple I never prearrange advance meets for a club setting as I don't like to be beholden to anyone. I know I'm gonna play with my own guy so I wait til the night to see what guys are there. That's why I prefer clubs, I like spontanuity .
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I never make the first move and it has nothing to do with confidence or fear of rejection. Same as i cant message a guy first on here, i physically cant do it. I think its something i had drummed into me that ladies wait to be asked and at 46 i still cant break that |
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