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Single girl approaching couples at clubs??
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is     "
Sitting there pondering ain't getting you anywhere. So do something about it, you're the one with the advantage |
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Establish eye contact, have a chat and you can usually read the signs of whether they are interested then take it from there. If they excuse themselves or start chatting elsewhere then speak to someone else.
Getting used to rejection is fairly important in situations like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The advice to chat as an icebreaker is the best advice. If it goes well you can usually tell by body language alone whether they are open to playing or not. Remember that the couple is probably just as scared of you rejecting them as you are of the scenario you posted. |
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
Fear of rejection is perfectly normal, it's just the stigma attached as a lot of people equate rejection with failure.
I think there can be an awkwardness factor too in that in day to day life it's not really the done thing to try to seduce someone else's partner, maybe because of the worry of creating jealousy? |
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"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is
I try not to win anyones approval. I just talk. And talk. And talk.  "
And he does so damn well  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is "
We've always been the same until recently.
We changed our thinking style, from not approaching people for anything in particular, just to chat to chat to them and get to know them, if that leads to something else, even better, and you'll get a good gauge of whether they are interested or not just through general chat. |
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"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is
We've always been the same until recently.
We changed our thinking style, from not approaching people for anything in particular, just to chat to chat to them and get to know them, if that leads to something else, even better, and you'll get a good gauge of whether they are interested or not just through general chat. "
Yep chatting to folk is great, clubs are as much about socializing as sex. If you chat to people you never know where the fun may lead |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is
I try not to win anyones approval. I just talk. And talk. And talk.
And he does so damn well "
Thanks. Sometimes sexy times can interrupt a good conversation though...  |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is
We've always been the same until recently.
We changed our thinking style, from not approaching people for anything in particular, just to chat to chat to them and get to know them, if that leads to something else, even better, and you'll get a good gauge of whether they are interested or not just through general chat.
Yep chatting to folk is great, clubs are as much about socializing as sex. If you chat to people you never know where the fun may lead"
Quite often I find myself playing with a friend of a friend. I find that basic mingling and not making a total tool of myself is a good way to get noticed by random future playmates. Well that's what I keep telling myself...   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We would LOVE a single woman to approach us! We are always too shy of being thought creepy or harassing. We would hate to make a single girl feel uncomfortable or vulnerable so we just give them space.
I'd say chat up the woman first and see how it goes. |
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Bif would always prefer the single fem to approach us, as it can seem intimidating when a couple both "go after" a single fem. And in some couples, like ours, it's the fem who makes the final choice in play |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP you are horribly attractive, I wouldn't worry about ever being rejected if I were you "
Whilst the OP is very attractive rejection or lack of attraction can happen to the most beautiful of creatures. BS statements about not being rejected help no one.
Just be yourself OP. Chat and chat some more. I've found the easiest places to chat are the smoking area (even tho I'm a none smoker) and strangely the changing rooms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't be so straight Mae  In the hetero world women are totally spoilt by the men having to make all the moves - and face the turn downs too. Also there is a notion that women are in competition - but I am sure you know from your experience that a good few women in swingers clubs are into women themselves, and a few others are into sharing their men. There is not much you need to do to impress or win women over, we are humans too you know!
Just throw yourself in, be yourself and flirt as you feel it - you are plenty aware of the couples dynamics so you wouldn't cause offence. Success will soon boost your confidence re. women. And as for the turn downs, just remember it is to do with people's desires and compatibility, it does not reflect on you and it is not personal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We understand your anxiety and it can be daunting to approach other people in clubs, we all suffer with this, in clubs you never have time to work out the dynamics, the sudden "we don't kiss, he can't fuck you" etc issues that many couples have...
Try to look at it as just 3 people getting together to play, we generally play with our single lady friends away from clubs and find this so much better and fun for all three involved.... |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"OP you are horribly attractive, I wouldn't worry about ever being rejected if I were you
Whilst the OP is very attractive rejection or lack of attraction can happen to the most beautiful of creatures. BS statements about not being rejected help no one.
Just be yourself OP. Chat and chat some more. I've found the easiest places to chat are the smoking area (even tho I'm a none smoker) and strangely the changing rooms. "
Funnily enough yes, the changing rooms are easier to talk to people, smaller spaces I suppose.
Smokers always make friends no matter where
I don't really smoke though, but getting some "fresh" air can be an excuse |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Don't be so straight Mae In the hetero world women are totally spoilt by the men having to make all the moves - and face the turn downs too. Also there is a notion that women are in competition - but I am sure you know from your experience that a good few women in swingers clubs are into women themselves, and a few others are into sharing their men. There is not much you need to do to impress or win women over, we are humans too you know!
Just throw yourself in, be yourself and flirt as you feel it - you are plenty aware of the couples dynamics so you wouldn't cause offence. Success will soon boost your confidence re. women. And as for the turn downs, just remember it is to do with people's desires and compatibility, it does not reflect on you and it is not personal. "
Owww totally not trying to be so hetero
As a women I know how picky we can be, so always weary of that when approaching a couple. I don't know if anyone notices this, or has done this, but that smile you get from someone that is there just to be polite? I might be paranoid here, but I get nervous
I don't really drink, so maybe being stone cold sober doesn't help as I think too much.
So much easier to approach people when I go with a play friend. Almost like a crutch, but I guess I need to have that "F it" attitude and grow a pair... Not Literally |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's really nice that you are that considerate of peoples feelings
I'm sure most couples would love a single femsle to approach them,not sure if it's the same for everyone but we would worry about coming across wrong too hope you keep having fun xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is "
Why aren't you worried that the guy won't like you? |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is
Why aren't you worried that the guy won't like you?"
Owww trust me that comes after. The first hurdle I believe is the female half. If she doesn't like me, nothing is definitely happening. Mr may not like me, but then at least I made a friend |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even up to this point, after a couple years of fab (my starting point of "swinging") I still find it hard to approach couples in a club. I'm always nervous that the female half won't like me. Am I the only one that feels like this? I know it's hard for single guys too, but find I really need to win the respect of the female half first before flirting with the male half and with them as a couple. That's always daunting to me. I am always pleasantly surprised when they do approach me and we have fun.
Also, I've yet to have a private meet with a couple. Think the fear of rejection from 2 people is
Why aren't you worried that the guy won't like you?"
As a predominantly straight woman approaching a man-woman couple, she can at least presume the man is interested in women, which mean there is potential interest. She can then draw from her extensive experience of well-practiced flirting routines to find out what this potential is. This type of encounter is so familiar that it doesn't provoke any anxiety, whether the answer is yes or no.
However the orientation of the woman in the man-woman couple cannot be assessed as easily, and women's flirting can be extremely subtle to the point that it is impossible to distinguish from mere friendliness, or even desire to avoid conflict (I believe this is what Mae is describing in the comment about smiles). I've heard many bi-curious or inexperienced bisexual women (and some bi-curious gay men, funnily enough) say they feel unsure, nervous or even intimidated when approaching women, and I remember from myself also a time when I couldn't believe any woman would be into me or welcome my advances. Hitting on a guy is so much more straight-forward, not least because when interested they do most of the work. As a few have pointed out all a woman has to do is smile and look over. |
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