FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Am I a timewaster???
Am I a timewaster???
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
He is a member of the quick shag never see again bridgade. Ok if thats what youre looking for if not, good job they give us such good signs! lol  |
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No your not, if you require to talk some more before meeting then No, A timewaster arranges to meet and then does not show.
You are just being sensible as long as you tell the person you need to speak a little longer and then meet in a public place first before ANYTHING else happens.
this "guy" is a simple user forget him and try someone else ..
The Muncher |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
i think on sites like this there are no hard and fast rules.
i have literally exchanged 3/4 messages with people and met that day (sometimes without pics).
others though need security / re-assurance and sometimes even confidence in what they are doing / want to try.
if you are keen to meet someone you have to respect their wishes.
so despite the quick meets, in some cases i have chatted for weeks if not months before finally meeting.
both have their plus points but the important thing is you both get to the point where you are comfortable enough to be intimate / sexual with each other.
so no, i don't think you are being over sensitive or a timewaster. u proceed at your own pace - if the guy is worth his salt, he will hang on in there for ya !
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
It's not the norm but does happen....some just like to get down and dirty straight away and there's nothing wrong with that and others like yourself like a little more contact and nothing wrong with that either.
Do what ever makes you comfortable. You have your rules so stick to them or adjust them as you see fit and not at someone elses insistence.
The response could have been better worded but
what the hell! Just think their loss and move on.
Wouldn't worry about it.  |
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
This is how I do things too.
I don't think it's too much to ask to have a little bit of chat with someone and get to know them a bit before you meet up. Especially if, as you suggest he was "coming round" to your place. I would always meet someone in a public place initially.
If looking out for your own safety is timewasting then I'll be a timewaster all the way. Do what works for you and don't bend your rules because someone else is a little impatient.
In my _iew, him blocking you has told you all you need to know. Rely on your instincts, they're rarely wrong!
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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago
inverclyde |
to the op............ in the end his loss..... i always exchange a few messages meet socially for a coffee or a drink to see how get on then decide if i want to play, if he cant respect your wishes then tough luck, if single we have to think of our safety as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He threw his toys out of his pram because he didnt get what HE wanted.
Imagine if that was the same attitude if you actually met up!
Better off without IMHO |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x "
I'm watching out for his 'timewasters' thread... he'll be mulling it over until Thursday
Seriously though, always go at YOUR pace and NEVER get pushed into anything that takes you out of YOUR comfort zones.
There are lots of lovely single guys on here that'll happily respect your wishes and do things the way you want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's been used several times already in this thread, the word "respect".
Bearing in mind Rugby's comment, which is fair, but the simple fact is that he failed to respect your wishes, end of story!
You most certainly aren't a timewaster, all the ladies I've met in this scene I've first met for a coffee/drink. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
yeah your a total time waster, didnt you know us women are only here to cater for the pleasures of men, you feeling comfy has nothing to do with it, the fact you want to get to know someone who is expecting you to hand out your address to them is just selfish and wasting valuable shagging time, i mean come on woman get a grip |
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
nah not a timewaster. just do what ever makes you feel most comfortable and your safety comes first. if they dont like it its their problem. i like to get to know someone aswel. ive met women for a coffe and even spent a day with a lady that ive been talking to for a while, had a picnic and a snog. this may be a site for where likeminded people want the same thing but its not an escort site where sex on first meet is paramount. |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
At the end of the day, your wishes and his wishes didn't match.
He expressed it incorrectly and they were his thoughts.
I like to meet, shag and go and I hate email ping pong, to me, swinging is just sex, coffee is only something to consider if I don't have loads of time and a whole afternoon or night is not possible.
You are not a timewaster, but then nor is it his loss...... at the end of the day, YOU couldn't/wouldn't provide what he was looking for and neither could HE provide what you were looking for.
Different strokes for different folks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He needs to learn that everyone does it the way they want to and if you do things different ways you either move on or compromise.
I am upfront about wanting to talk until I feel comfortable enough to meet - partly this is because they're reaction tells me a lot about them as a person... The more patient, the quicker the meet |
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
i had the same from a guy on here yesterday asked to meet me str8 off i said no he then went on to abuse me saying he wouldnt meet me anyway cause he could tell what kind of girl i was from the pix on my profile ..when i asked what he ment he said i was fat and ugly and that he wouldnt meet me anyway.....now isnt it funny how you can go from asking to meet someone to saying something like that in such a short time lol ah well NEXT !!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I think you are being over sensitive.
Yes you are a timewaster in his eyes.
It certainly is not his loss.
I like most in this thread have no idea whether your a timewaster or not because we haven't tried to meet with you. We only have your version of events. His version may paint a different picture. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes I think you are being over sensitive.
Yes you are a timewaster in his eyes.
It certainly is not his loss.
I like most in this thread have no idea whether your a timewaster or not because we haven't tried to meet with you. We only have your version of events. His version may paint a different picture. "
I never said anything about it being his loss, was just asking peoples opinions as I have never experienced this reaction from anyone before..and I can safely say I am not a timewaster and I think my verifications can vouch for that!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" i had the same from a guy on here yesterday asked to meet me str8 off i said no he then went on to abuse me saying he wouldnt meet me anyway cause he could tell what kind of girl i was from the pix on my profile ..when i asked what he ment he said i was fat and ugly and that he wouldnt meet me anyway.....now isnt it funny how you can go from asking to meet someone to saying something like that in such a short time lol ah well NEXT !!!! "
lol what a joke!!! some of them make it really hard for themselves and especially for the really genuine guys on here...anyway fortunately everyone else I have chatted to an met have been lovely so long may that continue xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its all subjective at the end of the day, and in an ideal world everyone would respect and work within the limits/boundaries of the other person(s), something he obviously didnt want to do. So more fool him really.
To be honest, we have found that either after two or three messages - or indeed two or three hundred - we can still get to the point of meeting face to face only to watch the other party run away in horror when they see us!
Swinging - Its a funny old game!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are right he is wrong. "
I'd disagree with you: they weren't compatible, doesn't mean either was wrong.
My profile made it quite clear how I operated. Social meet before inviting a man into my home I share with my daughters. Non-negotiable, not open to discussion.
I met one charmer who didn't hold the door open for me and just ordered a drink for himself. When I pulled him up on it he said in surprise, "this isn't a date!"
Needless to say I didn't stay! No way would I have had that man in my house. |
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you're certainly not being over sensitive sweetie, and then again, this mans attitude towards you and what HIS opinion of what fabswingers is all about doesn't seem to me to be the norm, suffice to say, you're always going to get some people that just don't fit in with your ideals, don't lose any sleep over this person honey, stick to your principles and insist on whatever makes you feel comfortable, hugzzies, xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had quite a few guys give me the 'its not a dating site' comment when i've said i want to meet for a drink first, which i agree its not but then again its not a free hooker site either, if they want to just send a message and a hour later be fucking they can use adult work!
We all do things different, im not after a date, im not after a relationship, i do not want to meet for a drink to get to know their life story i do it because at the end of the day im a single woman meeting guys off a internet sex site and i put my safty first, so if they want to have sex with me they have to be prepaired for me to get to know them and feel safe with them, if they're not happy with that......well theres loads of guy on here who are
So it may not be their loss but its sure as shite not mine either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I think you are being over sensitive.
Yes you are a timewaster in his eyes.
It certainly is not his loss.
I like most in this thread have no idea whether your a timewaster or not because we haven't tried to meet with you. We only have your version of events. His version may paint a different picture.
I never said anything about it being his loss, was just asking peoples opinions as I have never experienced this reaction from anyone before..and I can safely say I am not a timewaster and I think my verifications can vouch for that!!!!"
I know you haven't said it's his loss, others have, I just don't believe that to be the case.
You are obviously active on here but 'have never experienced this reaction from anyone before', that would suggest to most people that maybe it is not the norm (as per your original question).
I don't need to be convinced your not a timewaster, I'm not suggesting you are, but like it or not he thinks you are.
I just think from what you've said, the two of you weren't compatible. I felt the thread was attacking a guy for coming to that conclusion and then moving on.
You appear to have let it bother you (slight assumption), if your not compatible why is that?
I'm not suggesting this guy has handled the situation tactfully, but would you have prefered him to waste your time with further chat if he's lost interest? |
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It is your prerogative. If you prefer to get to now someday online first (I do also) than that is your choice. If he didn’t want to do that that does not make you a timewaster. A timewaster is somebody who agrees to meet at a set date and time but does not show up and without giving notice they could not make it. |
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"Yes I think you are being over sensitive.
Yes you are a timewaster in his eyes.
It certainly is not his loss.
I like most in this thread have no idea whether your a timewaster or not because we haven't tried to meet with you. We only have your version of events. His version may paint a different picture.
I never said anything about it being his loss, was just asking peoples opinions as I have never experienced this reaction from anyone before..and I can safely say I am not a timewaster and I think my verifications can vouch for that!!!!
I know you haven't said it's his loss, others have, I just don't believe that to be the case.
You are obviously active on here but 'have never experienced this reaction from anyone before', that would suggest to most people that maybe it is not the norm (as per your original question).
I don't need to be convinced your not a timewaster, I'm not suggesting you are, but like it or not he thinks you are.
I just think from what you've said, the two of you weren't compatible. I felt the thread was attacking a guy for coming to that conclusion and then moving on.
You appear to have let it bother you (slight assumption), if your not compatible why is that?
I'm not suggesting this guy has handled the situation tactfully, but would you have prefered him to waste your time with further chat if he's lost interest?"
In a way I agree. He is looking for a booty call type arrangement and she is not. They would both be wasting time pursueing it any further as she isnt. I know this isnt a dating site but everyones comfort zones are different. We are always clear what our requirements would be upfront so there is no confusion and they are free to move on if they wish. We have found our own tried and tested way of ing out guys who are not looking for the same as us. Occasionally one lies about what he is looking for to get what he wants but nothing new there i guess. On the whole it works for us and we never lose sleep about what guys think of us, bless them. Its meant to be fun. |
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"It is your prerogative. If you prefer to get to now someday online first (I do also) than that is your choice. If he didn’t want to do that that does not make you a timewaster. A timewaster is somebody who agrees to meet at a set date and time but does not show up and without giving notice they could not make it. "
Personally, think that timewasters can also be people who are just on for chat but pretend they want to meet so that they can look at pics and chat and try and get you to cam. They usually show the signs after a while and never meet anyone. Doesnt really matter but the dishonesty is a little annoying sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
Of course you are a timewaster.
You not read all those threads from peeps who cant get a meet saying so?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think either are timewasters tbh. I think OP is quite sensible to want to meet for a social 1st meet. The guy seems like a bit of a prick and has lost out.
Neither are wasting time as neither agreed to meet n didn't turn up........"
i agree
neither are time wasters they are just two people who like to do things different, but each of their ways didnt match with the other so time to say thanks but no thanks, draw a line under it and move on
I do however think the reaction of some of the men on here when the women dont play their way is wrong, there are lots of guys who do a lot of dummy spitting when they cant get a woman to agree to just meet and fuck them, like i said if thats what they want thats fine but theres no excuse for the way some men talk to women on here when they realise its not happening |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
You are being perfectly reasonable and sensible and a true swinger would respect that xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i would always meet to see if we get on.
i've turned people down for sending messages from women & cpls,like wifes on heat & i want a fuck.
i want to meet if i dont like i dont play.
stick to your guns,have fun with who you want!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"hes the waster not you..hes a Panda meet..meets shoots and leaves lol "
...but there are people who like that: ie the "meet today" types!
Sometimes people are ambiguous in what they're looking for and run into trouble. It happens, you're talking to someone and you realise you're not compatible. Why waste time continuing?
I don't understand why this guy is being given a hard time for not continuing with someone not compatible with his needs and the OP not told to draw a line and move on! |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"hes the waster not you..hes a Panda meet..meets shoots and leaves lol "
And some of us like and want that time........ therefore, he is only a waster in some peoples eyes.
I actually can't believe this bloke is getting such a hard time for wanting something different from the OP.
Yes, he was less than tactful, yes what he said was very 'jerkish' but has anyone thought that he might have been stung before by someone from a swinging site wanting to 'date' rather than meet for NSA sex? Maybe he's been subject to email ping pong and after months, no meeting has materialised.
If a woman turned round and said...... "It's not a dating site" and then blocked him, she'd be applauded.
And...... we only have one side of the story. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
to the OP.. good luck for the future.
to the guy concerned.. good luck for the future.
2 people, wanting the same but approach it differently.
not right, not wrong..
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By *averiMan
over a year ago
Swindon to bristol |
"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
Of course your not a timewaster. This is a swingers site but you should still feel comfortable with the situation before meeting. You take your time girl! lol |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Two people wanting different things out of the site.
We are not all the same, and we are on the side of meet / like each other /play scenario.
Going by whats been said on here we are wrong to do that, because we havn't ping ponged mail for weeks and met socially first and we mustn't respect the men who mail us if we want that.
There isn't a right and wrong way, the only thing that is right is whats right for you.
I sure wouldn't let someone calling us timewasters because of how we want to play upset me though. It is hardly an insult when we know we are not.
For all the men out there , would you really refuse an offer of a meet that night, without ping pong mails and a social meet beforehand if some horny female/couple mailed you asking you for one? Would you answer with " you don't respect me enough, so no" or would you say " Hell yeah what time should I be washed and brought to your tent? "
* mod talking now *
I have asked people NOT to call the man in quesion abusive names. If anyone does it again and I have to take posts off don't be surprised if you get a time out.
Tha man is a member here too, and he hasn't done anything to warrant the abuse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
I always meet for social first... any that get like that I just block.. so I think its normal. Lol
Katie x |
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
"
I'd rather meet someone for coffee, conversation and seeing if I get on with them as a real life person. Rather than exchanging 50 emails that still tell me little or nothing about the lady.
My experience so far on here tells me that the more messages I exchange with the person the less likely they are to meet. The offer to meet for coffee often scares off the time wasters and they often vanaish off the site.
Fancy a coffee |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having exchanged 2 or 3 messages with a guy he wants to come round and meet me for some fun...I ask him if we can exchange a few messages to get a feel for each other first and then meet for a coffee... his response is "this is not a dating site love" and goes on to call me a timewaster and blocks me!!
Am I being over sensitive, or is this the norm??? x
I'd rather meet someone for coffee, conversation and seeing if I get on with them as a real life person. Rather than exchanging 50 emails that still tell me little or nothing about the lady.
My experience so far on here tells me that the more messages I exchange with the person the less likely they are to meet. The offer to meet for coffee often scares off the time wasters and they often vanaish off the site.
Fancy a coffee "
ive noticed that too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the end of the day, this is a swingers site, and the presumption is that we all want to meet fairly quickly for sex. On dating sites the presumption is that you are looking for a relationship (then sex), for which you would obviously want to get to know a potential partner. Although the way the OP stated the guy spoke to her sounded crass, I would say that if she wants lots of emails, coffee etc, then a dating site is probably the best place to be |
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i have started insisting on a meet in a public place first for most of my meets. this is ever since i met a couple of guys using out of date pics. i'm not looking to date or for a relationship, but i do want to be sure who i am letting into my home. as a single female i don't think that is unreasonable. sometimes with mailing people things that sounded fine when you type them can be read by the receiver with a different meaning...
that has just happened to me and one of my friend thought i was saying no, when in fact i just needed to take some time to interpret what he had said. we are now planning a meet...
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"At the end of the day, this is a swingers site, and the presumption is that we all want to meet fairly quickly for sex. On dating sites the presumption is that you are looking for a relationship (then sex), for which you would obviously want to get to know a potential partner. Although the way the OP stated the guy spoke to her sounded crass, I would say that if she wants lots of emails, coffee etc, then a dating site is probably the best place to be"
i don't think there is a hard and fast rule, and everyone wants different things, so if you prefer to meet for coffee first, do that, and if they don't want to, then you found out really quickly that you want different things and haven't wasted any time.
personally, i like to meet for a drink first, to find out if the people involved get on well. It's also a step to finding out what she likes, and she can find out what you like... all goes to make the sex better
(which i think is the whole point.. unless you're here for a date? ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are right he is wrong.
I'd disagree with you: they weren't compatible, doesn't mean either was wrong.
My profile made it quite clear how I operated. Social meet before inviting a man into my home I share with my daughters. Non-negotiable, not open to discussion.
I met one charmer who didn't hold the door open for me and just ordered a drink for himself. When I pulled him up on it he said in surprise, "this isn't a date!"
Needless to say I didn't stay! No way would I have had that man in my house."
we are appalled by the lack of manners!! Good for you for giving him short shrift. He sounds like an oaf. |
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