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Sexual rejection, and how to deal with it.
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Having had a bit of a crap day at work arrived home to a "You are a timewaster" message.
So, let's look at rejection shall we?
We are a couple who met via a different swinger site as two very experienced singles. We'd both played in couples or as singles. When we got together we assumed, wrongly as it turned out, that people we'd played with in the past would be happy we'd found "the one".
She found that a couple she'd played with regarded her as a possession not an individual and spread rumours to try to turn others against us. He found that a "I'm NSA" suddenly became Miss "Shit on your shoe that you can't wipe off".
Rejection sucks, nobody likes it, but get over it.
Swinging is about numbers just like being in sales. You knock on doors, you get "NO", you knock on the next door. They aren't timewasters, they have their own reasons, keep knocking, every no gets you closer to "YES".
What are the real chances of meeting a person who you like and who likes you? 1 in 20?
Then finding that they are sexually liberated and happy to share you with others? 1 in 20 again? What's that? 200/1 against?
Oh, and the girl is expected to be bisexual too? Maybe 1 in 6? Oh and they have to live nearby and find you attractive and wish to meet you and feel something for you? What are the odds for that?
Then you go out and try to find two other people who feel the same way. They have the time, the inclination, the lack of jealousy and are in the right location. Oh yeah and you all have to fancy eachother.
Is it a surprise that it is SOOOOOOOOO difficult?
So, next time you think "Timewaster" think again. The odds are not stacked in our favour.
You may as well fuck a Porcupine, it's one prick against a thousand.
If you aren't happy backing a rank outsider then don't "Faites vos jeux" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with everything the guy is saying,glad someone has written what ive been feeling recently, In my case ive not had a meet in 4 weeks, but i have finaly got a meet this friday morning, and am attending a gangbang that ive been personaly invited to by great friends on here. x |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
"I agree with everything the guy is saying,glad someone has written what ive been feeling recently, In my case ive not had a meet in 4 weeks, but i have finaly got a meet this friday morning, and am attending a gangbang that ive been personaly invited to by great friends on here. x"
Sorry to hear you havent had a meet in 4 weeks. If I get enough free time in 4 weeks to fit in a meet then I am pretty pleased.
I now have about 10 weeks until I have a free weekend to actually think about sorting a meet. For me its lack of free time but can understand unless your at home responsible for a family say a single dad then you wont actually appreciate that free time is a luxury.
Then again I am lucky in the fact that there are a number of people still wanting to meet me but have to plan well ahead! What would I prefer tho, lots of free time but hard to get a meet as just possibly another single male which are the majority, or my situation with minimal free time but a long to meet list lol. |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
"I agree with everything the guy is saying,glad someone has written what ive been feeling recently, In my case ive not had a meet in 4 weeks, but i have finaly got a meet this friday morning, and am attending a gangbang that ive been personaly invited to by great friends on here. x"
Hang on, just had a quick glimpse at your comments and your a bloody lucky person to clearly have a decent amount of free time as you have a number of meets in april think it was, so clearly free time for you is lucky. If I have time for 1 meet a month then I am happy.
Maybe remember how lucky we are for our own circumstances time on our hands as in you or lots of offers as in me.
We never seem to be happy with what we have |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
Oh why don;t you guve it a rest with your constant whnging on the forums
Its getting really bloody boring
If you don't like the site or find it cliquey or never get meets then leave the site  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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well i can honestly say, il soon need to put the lady area in for a retread!! 
maybe it says more about the person if they strugglin to get meets....
think of it like the job market, if you dont meet the calibre you dont get and you need to have that edge over your competitor?? xx |
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"Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses. "
12 meets in 6 weeks what more do you want blood? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses. "
Maybe it is the vibe you are giving out  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses. "
I am sorry all i heard there was "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
face a few home truths...
you burnt a whole ton of bridges under the "name" you used but one....didn't you!!!!
then under the last "name"... you moaned and whinged and moaned and whinged till quite frankly you gave "broken records" a bad name...
and now under this name.... well..... same shit really....
Sometimes "trunky" you just have to look in the mirror and then you may see where the problem is........
stop blaming everyone else around you..... sometimes the problem is a lot lot closer to home!!! |
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"Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses. "
Yawn - still whinging? lol and hijacking what was an interesting thread! If people state their preferences why does that make them be up their own arses! Get a grip! Z |
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"well i can honestly say, il soon need to put the lady area in for a retread!!
maybe it says more about the person if they strugglin to get meets....
think of it like the job market, if you dont meet the calibre you dont get and you need to have that edge over your competitor?? xx"
Ooooooo can we give you a nice run out after your retread lol. Steve |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Having had a bit of a crap day at work arrived home to a "You are a timewaster" message.
So, let's look at rejection shall we?
We are a couple who met via a different swinger site as two very experienced singles. We'd both played in couples or as singles. When we got together we assumed, wrongly as it turned out, that people we'd played with in the past would be happy we'd found "the one".
She found that a couple she'd played with regarded her as a possession not an individual and spread rumours to try to turn others against us. He found that a "I'm NSA" suddenly became Miss "Shit on your shoe that you can't wipe off".
Rejection sucks, nobody likes it, but get over it.
Swinging is about numbers just like being in sales. You knock on doors, you get "NO", you knock on the next door. They aren't timewasters, they have their own reasons, keep knocking, every no gets you closer to "YES".
What are the real chances of meeting a person who you like and who likes you? 1 in 20?
Then finding that they are sexually liberated and happy to share you with others? 1 in 20 again? What's that? 200/1 against?
Oh, and the girl is expected to be bisexual too? Maybe 1 in 6? Oh and they have to live nearby and find you attractive and wish to meet you and feel something for you? What are the odds for that?
Then you go out and try to find two other people who feel the same way. They have the time, the inclination, the lack of jealousy and are in the right location. Oh yeah and you all have to fancy eachother.
Is it a surprise that it is SOOOOOOOOO difficult?
So, next time you think "Timewaster" think again. The odds are not stacked in our favour.
You may as well fuck a Porcupine, it's one prick against a thousand.
If you aren't happy backing a rank outsider then don't "Faites vos jeux""
Good post - why is it that I dont pick up bitterness - merely reflection on statistics?
Nothing wrong with that - and yes, it is hard to find a 4 way match as you are also dealing with the relationship between the two seperate couples. Dont give up - you have a lovely profile  |
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"Having had a bit of a crap day at work arrived home to a "You are a timewaster" message.
So, let's look at rejection shall we?
We are a couple who met via a different swinger site as two very experienced singles. We'd both played in couples or as singles. When we got together we assumed, wrongly as it turned out, that people we'd played with in the past would be happy we'd found "the one".
She found that a couple she'd played with regarded her as a possession not an individual and spread rumours to try to turn others against us. He found that a "I'm NSA" suddenly became Miss "Shit on your shoe that you can't wipe off".
Rejection sucks, nobody likes it, but get over it.
Swinging is about numbers just like being in sales. You knock on doors, you get "NO", you knock on the next door. They aren't timewasters, they have their own reasons, keep knocking, every no gets you closer to "YES".
What are the real chances of meeting a person who you like and who likes you? 1 in 20?
Then finding that they are sexually liberated and happy to share you with others? 1 in 20 again? What's that? 200/1 against?
Oh, and the girl is expected to be bisexual too? Maybe 1 in 6? Oh and they have to live nearby and find you attractive and wish to meet you and feel something for you? What are the odds for that?
Then you go out and try to find two other people who feel the same way. They have the time, the inclination, the lack of jealousy and are in the right location. Oh yeah and you all have to fancy eachother.
Is it a surprise that it is SOOOOOOOOO difficult?
So, next time you think "Timewaster" think again. The odds are not stacked in our favour.
You may as well fuck a Porcupine, it's one prick against a thousand.
If you aren't happy backing a rank outsider then don't "Faites vos jeux"
Good post - why is it that I dont pick up bitterness - merely reflection on statistics?
Nothing wrong with that - and yes, it is hard to find a 4 way match as you are also dealing with the relationship between the two seperate couples. Dont give up - you have a lovely profile "
Ditto - they are really nice as well as I got some really lovely messages about my motor bike problem!!! I didn't see the OP as a whinge fest but it did seem to be hijacked! Z xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses. "
What party???
The one that didnt happen??
We meet mainly guys and there is nothing more of a turn off than a guy who is moaning all the time or attention seeking,so what you are basically saying that if couples dont want to meet you they are doers,timewasters or talkers??
Where did you get the 99% of single guys get the thin edge of the big edge?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"12 meets in 6 weeks what more do you want blood?
.
Obviously!  "
often not mentioned is the fact that singl men are not innocent when it comes to time wasting!
single women are always attacked for this.
I've had single me not meet me because they've been stood up before so expect it again....guess what, waste my time and it will happen again!!
it happens to us all, accept it, move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well i can honestly say, il soon need to put the lady area in for a retread!!
maybe it says more about the person if they strugglin to get meets....
think of it like the job market, if you dont meet the calibre you dont get and you need to have that edge over your competitor?? xx
Ooooooo can we give you a nice run out after your retread lol. Steve "
aww see your just so sweet!!!
isnt it great when the forums can be a positive place instead of the whingin and moanin gits goin over the same crap wk in wk out!
the positive people outrun the negative ones!! xx |
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"well i can honestly say, il soon need to put the lady area in for a retread!!
maybe it says more about the person if they strugglin to get meets....
think of it like the job market, if you dont meet the calibre you dont get and you need to have that edge over your competitor?? xx
Ooooooo can we give you a nice run out after your retread lol. Steve
aww see your just so sweet!!!
isnt it great when the forums can be a positive place instead of the whingin and moanin gits goin over the same crap wk in wk out!
the positive people outrun the negative ones!! xx "
Hi Z here - been having probs with my lappie and keep getting kicked off!!!! agree with you totally - healthy debate is good - whinging is bad! Z |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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there are 4 main whinge suspects and i can see a pattern forming with them, there is never anything positive said its always a moan or being bitter!! and they all the same status.......
tammy wynette song could be used with a slight lyric change... sometimes its hard to be a single man givin all your love to just your hand.....!!xx |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses.
12 meets in 6 weeks what more do you want blood?"
Nah......... he wants that girl he left us all for. You remember......... "The One"
The one he said he wasn't gonna let any of us shag because he wasn't prepared to share her....
Wonder what happened to her?
Did she come to her senses? Or couldn't she stand the whinging? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"oh no zoe dont start that one its been a while since that was aired!!!! 
sexin is the new shaggin !!! xx
lol - like the sound of sexing! sounds sexier than shagging! Z"
Yeah, a bit like swongers sounded better than swingers too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sexing can be done by all!! age no barrier, size no barrier, gender no barrier, status no barrier, maritial status no barrier!! lets everyone get sexing!! xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses.
12 meets in 6 weeks what more do you want blood?
Nah......... he wants that girl he left us all for. You remember......... "The One"
The one he said he wasn't gonna let any of us shag because he wasn't prepared to share her....
Wonder what happened to her?
Did she come to her senses? Or couldn't she stand the whinging?"
rhophnoyl wears off quick and gbh so difficult to come by.....xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been using the forums for a good few weeks, and haven't found it cliquey at all, had no problems really apart from one thread I started which was misunderstood. Ok yeah there are the regular posters who probably dominate some threads, but thats due to time spent on here and is true with any forum on any site. Of course there are repetetive and re-occuring threads but again, thats usual. My only minor moan would be occaisionaly when a new poster starts a thread that's been done before, they can get shot down a bit and that could stop them from posting again.
Overall though I think this is a good freindly forum.
Back to the O.P. I think its quite a well reasoned thought out post, I work in sales (not door to door) and liked the analogy. And yeah when I've had a hard day with no sales and you get a snotty mail back from someone, it can be a kick in the nads. But I just treat it like coming home to a big bill, put it to one side, pour myself a stiff one and let it become unimportant in the grand scheme of things! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been using the forums for a good few weeks, and haven't found it cliquey at all, had no problems really apart from one thread I started which was misunderstood. Ok yeah there are the regular posters who probably dominate some threads, but thats due to time spent on here and is true with any forum on any site. Of course there are repetetive and re-occuring threads but again, thats usual. My only minor moan would be occaisionaly when a new poster starts a thread that's been done before, they can get shot down a bit and that could stop them from posting again.
Overall though I think this is a good freindly forum.
Back to the O.P. I think its quite a well reasoned thought out post, I work in sales (not door to door) and liked the analogy. And yeah when I've had a hard day with no sales and you get a snotty mail back from someone, it can be a kick in the nads. But I just treat it like coming home to a big bill, put it to one side, pour myself a stiff one and let it become unimportant in the grand scheme of things! "
Quite agree, rejection sucks but life is full of it, just because someone is a swinger it doesnt make them anymore likely to want to shag you, so finding a meet can be hard but it will happen in the end, there are more important things in life, and if you dont agree then you have got your priorities in the wrong order |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we dont find this site or forum cliqy we each enjoy our meets with all you lovely sexy women, young mick has had a death in the family recently and he is a bit sensitive, so guys give him a bit of a break will you, hope you understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally i think this site is too cliquy im not the only person to mention this, about 6couples who came to the party my friend had said the same which was interesting. Being self employed i have alot of free time for meets, but like every other guy on here we just dont get a fooking chance, Im not moaning im stating fact from my end, im saying that 99% of us single guys on here get thin end of a big wedge, also a few couples i know well say the same regards looking for meets with other couples, that there are alot of timewasters and talkers and not enought doers on this site. As for those who mention on their profiles that they want Slim attractive couples, your all up your own arses. "
Not moaning? You're having a fucking laugh pal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"reading this thread and had to ask ?
did the guy say he found the 1 and wouldn be willing to share ? who the f!!k is he to say what she can and can,t do ? up to her not him  "
Is it?
If Siren said she wanted to meet someone alone I'd say 'ok, but that leaves me with two options: 1) accept it - which I don't, or 2) leave."
It's then up to her if she wants a quick thrill or a marriage. I view swinging alone as not swinging - not quite cheating, but it's certainly not what we agreed when we decided to swing.
So saying that it's up to a wife/partner to do what she wants with her own body is true, but there are consequences to consider too. |
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Is this a private cliquy thread or can anyone drop in and talk bollocks LOL
Definition of a time waster is…
A time wasters is labelled as such by a person that wants what is on offer but doesn’t meet the criteria that the person(s) they are pursuing requires.
Other than that I’m not sure if there is any such thing as a time waster other then me apparently got you reading this LOL But seriously as one is deleting an email thinking ‘time waster’ they might have wasted your time in your opinion but I dare say they have enjoyed themselves for whatever kick they get out of it.
To the OP…
I too would question the 20 to 1 odds! Or perhaps we are just not attractive enough! 12 meets in 6 weeks! We haven’t had 12 meets in 4 years! That said it is a very tall order to find the right person or persons. There is no quick and easy route to our bed and if that makes us LOOK LIKE time wasters then… TOUGH!!! As has been said already, just because we are into the swinging hobby doesn’t mean we jump into bed with anyone who happens along.
Single guys have a tough time… BOLLOCKS…
If you fit our criteria and us yours, you could be having a threesome with us this evening… in theory… in the real world there isn’t enough time for us to check you out for a session this evening.
Be lucky,
Dave & Helen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The reality is, single men are a dime a dozen. There's always going to be a more athletic, experienced, desirable option than you, the moment you accept that and stop moaning, the sooner you can get on with it.
Don't approach anyone you think you're better than, then the rejection wont hurt so much!
If Kelly Brook tells me to piss off and have a wank, am I going to cry about it? Probably...but it'd be a crywank! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Don't approach anyone you think you're better than, then the rejection wont hurt so much!
"
. That explains a lot of the whining, moany threads from single men!
Cheers for that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rejection is never easy to take, and I must admit, it did used to annoy me when I first joined the site but iam more used to it now and dont take it personally |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This tread has totally confused me. Time wasters are people that push and push but are all talk, dont meet what we are looking for and then expect us to drop everything for them.
We do chat to alot of people which we have no intention in meeting as we like the chat. They happen to be in other coutries as well so it more of a freindship than any thing with these ones. But you do find that certains one come to respect your judgement as your an active member of the comunnity. |
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Funnily enough i meet single guys from this site and all bar none are lovely respectful guys and not one of them whinge or moan about getting a meet. Patience, time and effort is what is needed and not constant name changes that constantly moan |
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The point of the original post was that it is statistically difficult to find people that you click with. That if you don't feel attracted to someone and say thanks but no thanks, that it doesn't make you a timewaster.
It was also pointing out that a lot of swinging is about being rejected and moving on from that, hence the sales analogy.
Not entirely sure quite how it got into a discussion about cliques, or respect, or the rough end of the pineapple that is being a single bloke.
Purely as an example the odds of 20-1 were suggested. Your own results may vary.
Still, wherever it ends up it's interesting hearing what other people think. |
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"The point of the original post was that it is statistically difficult to find people that you click with. That if you don't feel attracted to someone and say thanks but no thanks, that it doesn't make you a timewaster.
It was also pointing out that a lot of swinging is about being rejected and moving on from that, hence the sales analogy.
Not entirely sure quite how it got into a discussion about cliques, or respect, or the rough end of the pineapple that is being a single bloke.
Purely as an example the odds of 20-1 were suggested. Your own results may vary.
Still, wherever it ends up it's interesting hearing what other people think."
We agree with you, just because you don't click with people it doesn't make you a timewaster - just selective! And in all honesty the cliques, single guys whinging etc was as a result of a serial whinger posting!!!! Z |
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