FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > unsure

unsure

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

hi, i'm the male part of the couple and my girlfriend really wants to swing as she's done it before but i have only swung twice and i want to do it for my ladies sake but i don't really feel all that comfortable doing it.

Will these feelings and fears of losing her pass in time? we have been seeing each other 10 months now

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i think you should be talking to her about this love....my opinion for what its worth, unless both of the people in the couple are enjoying it and are comfortable, you shouldnt be doing it...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

NOBODY SHOULD EVER DO ANYTHING THEY DONT WANT TO DO!!

IF YOU DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE THEN JUST DONT DO IT!!... YOU HAVE 2 CHOICES IN THIS... YOU BOTH STOP SWINGING AND SHE STICKS BY YOU, OR YOUR FEMALE PARTNER SWING ALONE!

DONT EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FEAR OF LOSING THEM!!

HOPE IT ALL SORTS OUT WELL FOR YOU

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

i know what your saying and a part of it excites me but i feel such fear at times and other times i so want to do it, i don't know if its just nerves or what

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By *ytraCouple over a year ago

Wrexham

Hi, Really i dont feel that you should do anything just for the ladies sake, IMO if you do all that could happen is that you end up disliking her and feeling that she forced into something.

Also (just my opinion) but if you feel you could lose her then is your relationship really that strong? You need to be sure that you have a strong relationship before you swing otherwise it will just bring any problems to a head.

Like i say this is just my opinion, others may disagree and the final decision has to be yours.

S & T

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

the relationship is very strong i just get these panic attacks, cos most the time the thought of us swinging does turn me on, then i start to panic, is this normal with me being new to swinging? cos i so want to throw my inhibitions to one side, sorry for being so complicated

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By *adchickCouple over a year ago

Cyprus

If you don't want to swing, DON'T

If she can't respect that....... you are with the wrong woman.

Swinging isn't a game, its about trust and honesty. If you can't be honest with her or she decides to swing alone and you are not happy with that....... then you have neither.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

she has said we will stop if im not happy but i want to carry on as i'm sure its only nerves with me being new to swinging

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If she loves you she will accept that you need more time and may never be into it, if not, then you have nothing to lose as hard as that seems and will be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

no sorry to have wasted your time, i just panicked again with the thought of meeting people for fun cos i usually am ok i just panic from time to time

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By *ytraCouple over a year ago

Wrexham

Heck we all have nerves, we still do!!! If i was you I would just sit down and think long and hard about what makes you nervous, do feel nervous thinking about someone else with your other half or do you feel excited...

For me i used to be quite a jealous person and didn't like the thought of other guys touching my GF but since we got married and got into swinging all my fears seem to have disappeared and now I get turned on at the thought of someone else touching, feeling and fxxxxxg her.. it truly is a great feeling knowing that they can only have her if she says so.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

you know to be quite honest its a bit of both, i trust my lady and she trusts me, thankyou for letting me see the light so to speak, cos we are a very loving couple and i know she would never cheat nor would i, it's the thought of meeting strangers, i truly think it's just the build up to it that scares me half to death but then when we start to play i do and my lady and the people we play with enjoy it and i feel ok.

sorry for being complicated i will shut up now and let people post something sensible.

Thankyou all for your time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

dont be pushed into anything you are not happy with. Swinging suits some people and does not suit others. What do they say "TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE" if she truly loves ya she will understand. anyway whatever happens good luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you don't want to swing, DON'T

If she can't respect that....... you are with the wrong woman.

Swinging isn't a game, its about trust and honesty. If you can't be honest with her or she decides to swing alone and you are not happy with that....... then you have neither.

Totally agree maddie .... the voice of reason lol. I could cwtch you sometimes I could

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not comfortable ?

Don't do it !

And if your other half tries to pressure you or isn't happy that you refuse .......

Maybe it's time to sit down and have a long hard chat with yourself

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By *prite128Woman over a year ago

maidstone

totally agree with everything people have already put about if you really dont want to do it ...

but , dont forget that nerves are a common part of this, especially in the early days . All those questions, what if they dont like me , what if i dont like them, what if i cant perform or get aroused ... if its those sort of questions talk to your g/f about what your boundaries are for your first trip somewhere..maybe agree that you'll not play at all , or only with each other..maybe soft swing if asked ..take the pressure off and see if its just nerves or something more.

you said you're going to Chams so you cant get a much more friendly place for your first visit ..

if it turns out to be more than just nerves then you need to be doing some serious talking about including swinging in your relationship with your g/f

good luck xx

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By *zMaleMan over a year ago

penzance

Can't agree more to the advice given already. Your profile seems very strong and you seem to know what you want. I take it was written by the both of you. If not, you really do need to sit down and talk it through with your partner. This lifestyle should be fun for the both of you. I understand nerves everybody is nervous meeting for the 1st time, well not everybody but the majority I would suggest.

The way I looked at it was, whatever gave my late wife pleasure I joined in and boy did we both have some great times. I'm not saying I was coerced in any way we both went into it with an open mind. Which I suppose at the end of the day is the big thing. HAVING AN OPEN MIND.

Hope this helps, good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thankyou very much

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/02/10 02:05:27]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

well lets put it this way.....it either works or it don't

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

it's gonna work, i can't wait to get more into the swinging lifestyle

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By *he Happy ManMan over a year ago

Merseyside

"hi, i'm the male part of the couple and my girlfriend really wants to swing as she's done it before but i have only swung twice and i want to do it for my ladies sake but i don't really feel all that comfortable doing it.

Will these feelings and fears of losing her pass in time? we have been seeing each other 10 months now"

A lot of single men on here will think you are crazy but I don't. If you are not comfortable then DON'T do it. Nobody either male or female should swing if it is not their cup of tea. Ceertainly never do it just to please your other half. Just be honest with your girlfriend and say you don't want to do it. If she loves and respects you she will be ok with you saying thanks but no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thankyou for your comments but i just hit the panic button a few days ago with the thought of meeting new people. My lady and i are very strong and it's only sex fun and i realise now that a part of feeling nervous is a part of the swinging lifestyle, we have both chatted and my better half bless her was going to not do it but i said it's only nerves so i am now ready in my mind and heart to carry on swinging, i was expecting to see sid james when i said that lol, and yes i must say i am truly looking forward to it as it will give my lady, myself and people we meet pleasure and we will also make new friends, so i am now looking forward to us having some more meets under my belt

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By *zMaleMan over a year ago

penzance

Glad to be of help.

Have a great time

HAPPY SWINGING

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thankyou

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By *azbandsWoman over a year ago

ayr

It has to be your choice no one elses. However learn to relax. You say it the thought of meeting strangers well get to know them first, chat meet for a drink or coffee get to know them then just take one step at a time. I say if it happens it will happen if not doesnot matter. It is as much about having friends as the sex that is the extra. Yes im single but i did swing as a couple and no it was not swinging that split us but you have to decide and you have to talk to her tell her your fears and take one step at a time dont rush into anything.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thankyou for your comments but yes everything is now at long last sorted in my heart and mind and i am truly looking forward to getting more into the swinging lifestyle with my wonderful understanding and patient lady

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"thankyou for your comments but yes everything is now at long last sorted in my heart and mind and i am truly looking forward to getting more into the swinging lifestyle with my wonderful understanding and patient lady

Sounds like you have it sussed now

It is good that you could go to your partner and tell her your fears and then sort through them, sounds like you have a great relationship.

Happy swinging

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thankyou very much for your lovely comment ruby, yes we have a great relationship and we make each other so happy in so many different ways and the swinging lifestyle will suit us both as we will have fun and make friends and most importantly, add that little spark to our relationship now and then.

It took me a while to sort things out in my heart and mind but like i say we are a strong loving couple and i trust my lady with all my heart and mind and we will make nice friends and have fun and ofcourse our moments together are wonderful

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

loads of reasons why you are unsure, natural in many ways, got to be something that BOTH you want to do or it will cause issues,

yeah its about sex, lets not beat about the bush, but as a person that has swinged for years, i always go out with the intension of having a few drinks and laugh, dont expect to automatically have a good session come end of night, even though thats the aim,

, you dont have to do anything you dont want to, hell sometimes you might go out and not connect, least you can still have a bit of banter, if you do , just stick to own partner , watch etc etc till you feel comfy to do other things,that alone can be a turn on at 1st, at end of day , you meet up, have fun, then when you leave, you leave as a couple, leave the fun behind till the next time, take it slow at 1st then progress as you want to at your own speed,

just chill have fun , then away you go together home, as always chat to them on phone, you can tell a lot just by a phone call on what they sound like then just go for it,

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

way hey, hope your all sat down? we got a meet very soon and i'm looking forward to it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

like many have said on here ,,, if your not both totally up for the lifestyle changes then in mho ,, shy away ,, , in the five or so years i have been a swingle i know at least 3 couples where one did not want to play ,,, , two of those couples have since split up ,,, and ,, no,,, i didnt play cos i chat to both parties alone first be for i arrange too play ,,, but it looks like ya goin for it ,,, so good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thankyou very much, everythings sweet it really is an i'm really looking forward to it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"thankyou very much for your lovely comment ruby, yes we have a great relationship and we make each other so happy in so many different ways and the swinging lifestyle will suit us both as we will have fun and make friends and most importantly, add that little spark to our relationship now and then.

"
well that relationship was a joke she was cheating on me all the time but i won't be sucked in again let me tell you

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By *oobCouple over a year ago

Netherlands

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're on here talking about a relationship you've been in for 10 months and your profile says you're a single male.

Sort your crack out, it's shite like this that makes it harder for the rest of us

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/04/10 16:49:17]

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Maybe as he is single he had his profile changed?

I think he was a couples account when he posted.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh dear.

Looks like I should have checked the dates on the thread - very sorry if that is the case

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

well that relationship was a joke she was cheating on me all the time but i won't be sucked in again let me tell you

"
sorry people we split up, i realise now how it must look an ruby bless her pointed it out to me, please accept my apologie. joe

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

so sorry to hear

hope your ok xxx

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