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Meeting newbies
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi all,
Just wandered what the "more experienced" swingers thought about meeting newbies to the scene?
Don't want this to be a cliche thing, just wandered for example; if couples steered clear of newbie couples because they don't want the hassle of playing with people who arn't sure... or if they like it as they get to "direct" as such, (bit difficult to explain really)
We just like to meet a variety. Experienced or not... if the chemistry is right fun usually happens no matter what.
xxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all,
Just wandered what the "more experienced" swingers thought about meeting newbies to the scene?
Don't want this to be a cliche thing, just wandered for example; if couples steered clear of newbie couples because they don't want the hassle of playing with people who arn't sure... or if they like it as they get to "direct" as such, (bit difficult to explain really)
We just like to meet a variety. Experienced or not... if the chemistry is right fun usually happens no matter what.
xxxxx"
Speaking personally we avoid first timers but are happy to meet people with 1 or 2 meets under their belt, for us that shows they grasp the principle of swinging and any jealousy issues are (hopefully) exposed/explored/rationalised. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single fem who is not a 'hardened' swinger I do prefer newbies as it's fun learning together. That said arranging first meets can be difficult as for some the idea of swinging sounds exciting but the reality daunting. What still suprises me is the insecurities of playmates. They feel they're not going to 'measure up', worried they dont have six packs etc. That can be tiresome but once over the initial nerves they have, fun can be had by all. Hope the same goes for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have over the years swung with first timers but only at parties or clubs
We would not meet off here for instance till they had one or two meets behind them xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if i can add to the question, what about younger newbies. we have found so far at swing clubs, that we are not getting many advances from couples and wondered if it is because we are young,(as we feel we are both attractive)
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When we started swinging "a few" years ago, we were exceptionally lucky, and met the most wonderful and very experienced couple that even now we think of as our "teachers" :D
We are always more than happy to meet new couples, after all we were all new the first time. We like to think we are as good a first time for these new swingers as our original swinging meet was for us! As it happens, we are still friends with the 1st couple we met, tho they have now retired from the scene. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"if i can add to the question, what about younger newbies. we have found so far at swing clubs, that we are not getting many advances from couples and wondered if it is because we are young,(as we feel we are both attractive)
"
not necessarily... but then I would ask this... why are you waiting on advances? if you find a couple that you like why don't you both take the lead?  I know its a radical suggestion... but shy bairns get nowt as we say up here...
age is one of those thing that some people take into consideration and others dont... as long as you are both aware that since you have an age preferance on your profile, you are really not in a position to complain if people have them on theres... |
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I doubt we'd meet newbies again, one couple we met claimed to be newbies, the male in the relationship claimed to be “Bi Curious” tbh, from our experience of the meet, the thought of receiving a BJ from another guy was what turned them on, another couple we met claiming to be newbies turned out their “fantasy” was watching two guys together, neither guys in both meets were interested in touching us, never say never, but in future, we'll do our research on any request from newbies. |
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"if i can add to the question, what about younger newbies. we have found so far at swing clubs, that we are not getting many advances from couples and wondered if it is because we are young,(as we feel we are both attractive)
"
i wish we went to your swing clubs.we thin k your pics are very nice. xxx |
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By *ndysamCouple
over a year ago
woolwich |
Newbies are cool, especially if your there first, the shared excitment is cool, prefer nebies to hardend swinger (personal preference)
We were all newbies once,, remeber the rush of the first encounter,,omg. what a blast |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To Fabio:- I think your response was unnecessary, as we clearly weren't complaining about anything and it was just a simple question.
thanks to the people who actually answered the question asked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are happy to meet newbies because if they are not sure they want to play on the night we don't play, but we make some new friends, we apply this to way to all our meets so it makes no difference if they are new or not. |
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By *_jkCouple
over a year ago
glasgow |
Personally we dont meet anybody without verifications. From our experience of meets which went wrong due to the reality being different from the fantasy.
However we do tell people who are newbies when they contact us that we are not saying no, just not now.
Good luck to the newbies and hope we meet yous soon |
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Well, we've had a few meets now, some at clubs and one from here.
The main thing that goes through my mind as a TV is "Oh god, will they find me attractive?" I get turned on so much by dressing, & put a lot of time/effort into it that it terrifies me no-one will look twice at me.
It's probably the same for MJ but i've never actually asked her about it!
She gets a lot of attention in clubs but i don't for some reason? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From a single fem stance, i would rather meet a guy who had been in the scene a while rather than a newbie.
Mainly because he knows the ropes and the do,s and donts.
Maybe a member of a club also where as newbies are not.
Well most are not anyways.
It normally steers me away from the guy just looking for a "fuck" and is not what i would term a "swinger"
This is MY opinion only ok.  |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"To Fabio:- I think your response was unnecessary, as we clearly weren't complaining about anything and it was just a simple question.
thanks to the people who actually answered the question asked. "
Actually...... Fabio made some very valid points and I don't see how you can justify such a response.
He is right, don't wait to be approached, approach someone yourselves.
Yes..... age is a factor and many swingers don't want to play with people who are the same age or younger than their own children, but that is their preference. As you have set age limits, you also have preferences which must be respected.
You say that you both think you are attractive.... you are going to take this the wrong way but here goes...... don't give off an aura of thinking you are attractive, because in swinging, there is nothing so off-putting as those that think they are better than others. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and some will find you attractive, some will not. For example, those that like BBW's may not find you their cup of tea.
If you are naturally nervous, my advice would be to get yourselves out on the smoking deck.... odd I know..... but I personally find that is where people do the most talking, it's almost like a common bond, whether or not you smoke yourselves. Just say hi and you will find the conversations flow.
.
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Getting back to the question....... No, we don't meet newbies after two very bad experiences and we never will again. Some may think we are cutting off our noses to spite our faces, but that is our preference.
As you can see from the replies above, many people love to meet newbies. I would suggest also getting yourselves along to one of the fantastic FAB meets and mingling..... you won't be looking for long. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"To Fabio:- I think your response was unnecessary, as we clearly weren't complaining about anything and it was just a simple question.
thanks to the people who actually answered the question asked. "
I did answer the question... you asked asked why don't people approach you in clubs.... I said why don't you go up to people rather than people approach you.... 
in other words... you can be proactive about going up to people, or you can be reactive, and wait for people to come to you.....
I know which is likely to produce higher results... and as I said, "shy bairns get nowt"
you can go out and "sell yourselves" to others... or as you said, you can wait there.... if the approach that you are using at the moment isn't working for you, then would it not be in your best interests to change it???
I am sorry if you didn't like the answer you got.... if you put the question out there to a million different people, you are going to get a million different answers.....
if you concentrate on the answers "you like" then nowt changes.... isn't the thing about the forum that you take in all the answers you get..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are happy to meet anyone we click with be they new or experienced. We would also agree with _abio it is great when you get approached in a club, that feeling you get when someone finds you attractive enough to come and chat with you but what happens if everyone in the place is sat there thinking the same thing and waiting to be "chatted up" You have to be prepared to make the first move and we know that sometimes that can be the hardest thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I advised a gentleman to remove any reference to being VWE and handsome, for the reason mentioned by Madchick above.
And I agree with Fabio et al about the virtues of being proactive.
Easy for me to say that as I am not exactly a shy and reserved kind of girl! 
Attend organised social events to get to know people.
However, it is no good if all you do at socials is to sit in a corner and expect people to come to you, IMHO!
Good luck and have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every single person on here was a newbie at some stage,thank god not all have reservations about newbies, or we would probably not be talking now due to the fact that this and other great sites would collapse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Every single person on here was a newbie at some stage,thank god not all have reservations about newbies, or we would probably not be talking now due to the fact that this and other great sites would collapse."
agree 100% , i respect peoples right to pick and choose who they play with but at the end of the day we all got to start somewhere . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We met a couple a while back who had never played before,when they contacted us they assured us that it was what they definatly wanted,and that they had both talked it through,when we all started playing the wife went mad,threatened to hit me for going near her man.
We ended up kicking them out..
After that we have never met anyone who hasnt played before. |
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By *andKCouple
over a year ago
Norfolk |
"Every single person on here was a newbie at some stage,thank god not all have reservations about newbies, or we would probably not be talking now due to the fact that this and other great sites would collapse.
agree 100% , i respect peoples right to pick and choose who they play with but at the end of the day we all got to start somewhere ."
yep we have to remember that every journey begins with the first step |
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we are very graitful for a couple to invite us to our first meet. we would like to meet exspirience swingers but only because werestill so new to this. wefeel we need guiding not aboutaranging meets just the meet itself. |
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We all have to start somewhere an I'd be happy to meet first timers, as I remember my first introduction to swinging vividly, all the butterflies and all the doubts (And a good measure of alcohol to calm me, good old dutch courage!) But they were very understanding and non pushy and a good night was had by all in the end. (and again since)
As for ppl who turn up and meet but can't carry through with it, frustrating as it might be for you, just think of the thoughts running through their heads of a passionate night that they missed out on! And who knows, they may try again and manage to overcome their fears and insecurities and you just might bump into them at the next years social or in the clubs. I would hope they would be welcomed into the swinging life with open arms or maybe a pint/glass of wine.
Sorry its so long winded but thats my 2p worth!  |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Hi all,
Just wandered what the "more experienced" swingers thought about meeting newbies to the scene?
Don't want this to be a cliche thing, just wandered for example; if couples steered clear of newbie couples because they don't want the hassle of playing with people who arn't sure... or if they like it as they get to "direct" as such, (bit difficult to explain really)
We just like to meet a variety. Experienced or not... if the chemistry is right fun usually happens no matter what.
xxxxx"
i did meet newbies..we all have to start somewhere.....if you get on, and they are realistic in expectations why not???? |
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Having been in the situation of mid-session one half of a couple suddenly feeling guilty and seeing the look on their face as they said “oh my god why did I ever think I could do this”… you’d think I would have learnt from that experience. But no, a year or so later I had the experience of seeing one half of a couple suddenly realising they couldn’t control their emotions and feelings of jealousy.
I don’t want to be in either of those situations again and whilst it may seem unfair to newbie couples (as how will they ever know until they try) I just prefer meeting couples who know what they enjoy before I arrange to meet them.
As previously mentioned in this thread, at a club it’s a bit different.
Singles... well it shouldn't make any difference if they are new or not if it's just 1-2-1.
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By *im53Man
over a year ago
Boldon |
having met a few cpls, for whom it was there first time with out any problems,
knowing it was their first meet,i was willing for it to be a chat evening
but never told them.
just a nice welcoming chat about what they wanted to do,
and then played it by ear.
one cpl played that night the other two played on a future meet.
so just remember nice and slow gets there in the end, and hopfully you get good friends too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We dont mind as there is something exciting bout seeing how a new couple although nervous eventually let go and enjoy it so, however ,I, (luisa), I have to say I am not keen on curious bi women as it usually means Im the one who goes witout full pleasure and end up giving only..so al lyou naughty bi fem couples come give it to me lol. x |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"We are happy to meet newbies because if they are not sure they want to play on the night we don't play, but we make some new friends, we apply this to way to all our meets so it makes no difference if they are new or not."
Amen to that! Couldn't have put it better myself! |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"We met a couple a while back who had never played before,when they contacted us they assured us that it was what they definatly wanted,and that they had both talked it through,when we all started playing the wife went mad,threatened to hit me for going near her man.
We ended up kicking them out..
After that we have never met anyone who hasnt played before."
On the other side of the coin, we met a local couple who had never played before and had only just plucked up the courage to try and they were fantastic! Neither of them had been with other people for more than 25 years and they took to it like a duck to water.
Really glad to say that we are still playmates and also good friends with them. Could have been a real loss to us had we not met them! |
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well we have to say newbs are great,most couples we meet on sites have let us down,but newbs are eager to prove their worth,in saying that,last woman,and then couple wev had didnt even know they wanted to,,,,until j got her hands busy(insert evil laugh here)  |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
Fortunately, or unfortunately, our past meets do shape our future meets......
Very bad experiences with newbies in the past have put us off for life. But thats OUR choice. If we'd ever had a good meet with newbies, we'd probably play with them..... but the 3 we've meet, have been total fucking nightmares! |
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We are reluctant to meet newbies now as we, like many above, have also had some bad experiences which are hard to forget ..
We dont say never again, but certainly would not travel anywhere near as far to meet them as we would experienced couples |
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