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Weirded out by single men at a swingers' club (as a single man myself)
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If they are happy to pay the (apparently steep) charges to get in, why not instead stay away from the club and indulge in the services of the world's oldest profession? They'd literally get bang for their buck and "what they paid for"? Clearly they want sex and expect sex at a club.
C xoxo | |||
"Maybe I am lucky but I don’t see that behaviour in the clubs I go to. They limit the number of males who can join and also pre vet them first. I think you need a different club." Some clubs are way better than others. Not all are the same, chose wisely. | |||
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"Maybe I am lucky but I don’t see that behaviour in the clubs I go to. They limit the number of males who can join and also pre vet them first. I think you need a different club. Some clubs are way better than others. Not all are the same, chose wisely." This is very true! | |||
"Having never been to a club, but we now and again read stories just in case on days the stars align and we decide to, these types of stories really put us off. While it is a club, and certain things are to be expected, the thought of having hordes of random blokes just sat around wanking or following couples in their droves in the hope of some action.....
If they are happy to pay the (apparently steep) charges to get in, why not instead stay away from the club and indulge in the services of the world's oldest profession? They'd literally get bang for their buck and "what they paid for"? Clearly they want sex and expect sex at a club.
C xoxo"But that's different! Going to a swingers club is not, strictly, paying for sex even though that's the expectation, getting their dicks wet. Paying for a guaranteed sex from the professional is below many, and there is probably the feeling "do they really enjoy what I'm doing or are they pretending because I am paying?" | |||
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" I would also be curious to know which clubs vet and limit the number of single men but this is evidently not something I'd ask anyone to mention in this forum openly so please refrain from doing so otherwise the wanking dead will definitely find their way to those places too! " Not London obviously, but several of the Libs events vet single guys who are new to an event via a video call or as a minimum requiring meet veris and a reasonable Fab profile. There are limited numbers of spaces for single men on the guest lists - where relevant, this is made clear in the forum event posts. L | |||
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"This is the sort of thing that turns me off as a single guy, a little conversation (especially if it’s spicy) turns on the mind as well as the body. Just had a little peek at your profile and verifications and by the sound of things you’re approachable and sociable. Their loss! " Thank you, the kind words are much appreciated! I had a good chat with the Fab profiles I had spoken to prior to the event but the men lingering about and making things uncomfortable at the cinema. I do my best to hold a conversation but am also aware when it is time to move on and "read the room" so to speak, which I did with good intention. "As a guy I'd say one thing. Stop worrying about the behaviour of other men. Just do you." Understood! Your advice and insight is much appreciated and will definitely refer to it when considering to visit other clubs. As it was the first time I was visiting as a single man, there were also a few understandable nerves involved but the more I meet people, the more I'm sure I'll be able to enjoy the events. "Not London obviously, but several of the Libs events vet single guys who are new to an event via a video call or as a minimum requiring meet veris and a reasonable Fab profile." Thanks for this advice, will look into it! I'm very supportive of this screening process and feel this would be ideal for all parties involved if this equivalent was implemented as a standard across all clubs. The event hosts seem to have done a great job, shame it's a distance away but will keep it in mind when I am travelling! Thanks so much once again: I'm now less irked out and realising there are good people in this lifestyle who understand my view and experiences  | |||
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"We've had some amazing experiences with single guys and some really bad ones. If I could give any single guy some advice it would be to be respectful. Following us, wanking and loudly chatting whilst watching us play or just lying next to us is a massive turn off. Being respectful goes a long way. One the best experiences we had was with a guy who simply asked if we were OK with him watching, sounds silly but made all the difference" Good advice right there | |||
" We recently chatted to a guy on fab for a couple of weeks prior to him and us visiting the same club. We felt the chat had gone well and Mrs F seemed keen as long as all went well on the night. We arrived and he arrived not long after. We recognised each other straight away. He introduced himself and spent maybe 3 mins with us and then progressed into his gallop." Hahaha this made me laugh, I'm sorry for laughing. The club I went to had a no-phones policy, which made absolute sense given the potential issues it could cause. It did, however, mean I had to guess where the couples were as it had been a while since I saw their face pic. This is something I learnt and will take forward for future reference e.g. I should suggest a face-to-face interaction prior to arrival. " I'd much rather be in the moment look over and take it from there. If it's just sex leave it as just sex if it's trying to establish comparability something repetitive consistent then by all means do the interest conversations etc.. " I can see where you are coming from with this sentiment if that is what you prefer. Personally, I do want to learn about the other person as I think it's enjoyable to make new connections (which have definitely been very valuable for both parties in the long run). This has, of course, been a challenge for me on Fab given the unfortunate behaviour of many individuals on the platform but alas I'll endeavour to continue being as genuine as possible. " Our regular club has checks, balances and a long waiting list to control single men numbers. Every night is different with a mix of character types. We always have fun and keep clear of the types we have no interest in; no more than a polite “no” has been required. OP, don’t give up, sounds like the club was wrong. " Thank you WhatsWhatCouple! The club itself is fairly renowned and the staff there were very friendly. It was more on the attendees though in my view. I did read their members' suggestion board where it did say the club needed to improve in certain areas so this post is definitely something I could address to them for future reference. " We’ve not been to a club yet and reading this has been a big help. A couples and ladies night sounds just perfect for us. " No worries, glad you feel informed!
" We've had some amazing experiences with single guys and some really bad ones. If I could give any single guy some advice it would be to be respectful. Following us, wanking and loudly chatting whilst watching us play or just lying next to us is a massive turn off. Being respectful goes a long way. One the best experiences we had was with a guy who simply asked if we were OK with him watching, sounds silly but made all the difference. " Yes, I totally agree and understand! I sat at the back of the cinema and was simply trying to familiarise myself with the dynamics of the room without interrupting anyone's experience as that would be selfish and rude. The other 50 odd single men would walk in and immediately occupy the couple(s) which made the room experience a bit difficult to sit through. Definitely will remember the advice in the future though, also! | |||
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"Most of the time these guys are being disrespectful to themselves, doubt they even realise this. We went to a social once and I was happily chatting to a guy, within minutes I was surrounded by 5, 6 guys all wanting a piece of conversation and some getting a bit too sleazy. My over friendly demeanor must have given them the wrong idea, anyway they absolutely spoilt it for the decent man I was chatting with and left me no option but to retreat to the safety of our couple friends group. Mrs." Absolutely word-for-word what happened to me as I alluded to above. It was very disappointing as I was having a pleasant conversation with a few different attendees (MF / F) before the same issue kept on happening over and over again. I'd be talking to either the M or the F of the couple and suddenly, 4-5 single guys appear out of nowhere and try to one-up each other in the now-formed group conversation. I remember speaking to a friend afterward and I said to her "you know, I can understand now why women in this lifestyle don't look kindly on single men because it is so unusual and off-putting what I saw that night." Very disappointed but what can I say? Can't blame you at all for retreating - I'd have 100% done the same. | |||
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"Not sure what point you’re trying to make here to be honest Is this some form of virtue signalling. I was at a club as a single guy but I was much better than the other single guys? Have I missed something? " Hi there, sorry for lack of clarification. I tried alluding to it in the second message I sent on this forum but I am new to this functionality so it was unsuccessful. My line of questioning was around how (if any) clubs mitigate these issues of e.g. "The Wanking Dead" single men walking around aimlessly, single men immediately swarming single women or those in a couple and not being considerate of people's general boundaries. As it was my first time, I wanted to offer my own insight and comment that I felt it was a strange environment with so many single men that I chose to leave. I then wanted to ask if this was a common occurence across all swingers' clubs or specific to some than to others. I was not intending to virtue signal as I would hope what I did was not unique or special in any way. It was simply trying to understand the current situation / landscape and how clubs try to work around this when and where possible, as some members have kindly suggested. " We’ve been to our local club 3 times in the last 3 months and I don’t recognise your description. But maybe we’ve just been lucky? " Totally normal by the looks of things - was just curious how common my description was. If it's not common in your experiences, that is a good thing haha | |||
"I've been involved with swingers for the past 4 years and generally, I've enjoyed the company of the few people I've met through my own hobbies or through prior University studies. I left a long-term non-monogamous relationship recently (through which I attended Le Boudoir years ago) as the relationship itself had become fairly toxic and on suggestion of a friend who's actively in the scene, I thought to see what a social was like at a swinger's club in a town completely different to mine (attending as a single man). I had made the effort of contacting a few profiles who had listed their intention to be attending just so I could at least strike a few conversations but it was my general intent to look around, see what the venue was like and meet people. Shortly after entering and looking around, it became clear there were way too many single men loitering around. I thought only 6-8 single men would be there as I'd assumed there would be a limit... there was not! More like 35-45 single men. I had struck conversations with two couples who I introduced myself to and immediately, a stream of single men had shown up to be a part of the conversation. I don't mind a few people to have a chat with but when there's 6 or 7 random men who have no interest in what you say and are trying to get to the woman in the couple to attract her interest, that's very odd behaviour and I shortly decided to leave since it all seemed really weird. I can see now why the "wanking dead" is a problem at clubs. I excused myself from the venue and called it an early night because it was really off-putting to see so many random individuals just standing around the cinema or couples' only sections. I'd go to the bar, talk to a couple or a woman there and introduce myself but these men would just hang around. In the cinema specifically, they'd get up, walk towards a couple who are enjoying themselves and immediately drop their trousers holding their cocks... rather odd I must say. It's safe to say I won't be attending a club as a single man ever again: I would like to return with a woman (either as a couple or with a friend) to a couples' only night but I really was put off by the single men in the club, and I'm saying that as a single man myself. Sorry to any single man who may be offended - I couldn't believe how bad it was and I can see now why couples' only nights are a thing. Sucks really, but it is what it is!" Don't give up on clubs. Maybe you need to ask how many single guys they allow on a night? Plus do voice your concerns to the club ownwers as they may not be aware it bothers people. | |||
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" Don't give up on clubs. Maybe you need to ask how many single guys they allow on a night? Plus do voice your concerns to the club ownwers as they may not be aware it bothers people. " This is my plan! I think the next time I see an event, I will approach the organisers at the venue to ask if there are limits on single men and voice my feedback accordingly. " This is pretty much what puts us off going to single guy nights, shame really as we are more likely to actually find someone we might want to join us like this, but most guys don't actually want to just chat and have a laugh and see what happens most just want to wank and be a pest, we know there's good guys out there but are definitely over shadowed by the rest. It's pretty much the same on fab. " This is also my experience on Fab! I did once query the number of male profiles and I think it was a magnitude larger than MF and F profiles. You can see it also by the number of fabs a photo gets within an hour. Although I can't speak for all single men, I have seen complaints about single men introducing themselves in ways such as "hey wuu2" or equivalent, which I find odd and would never do. Shame, but it is what it is hahaha. " The way they stalk you around the club gets a bit worrying I had to tell one creep to fuck off in the changing room as he was stood there licking his lips grabing his dick while she was trying to get dressed after we'd been in the wet areas... " That's definitely creepy: I didn't see that thankfully at this club but again, I would appreciate if clubs did enforce some expectations to avoid ruining the experiences of other attendees as I would also be creeped out from seeing that. Definitely saw the "following" behaviour more from the older single men but that's owing to the number of them as opposed to specific traits. " Now that we are interested in single guys we find the main problem, as a few have mentioned, is it is difficult to find a guy who is not afraid to strike up a sensible conversation with a couple. " I wasn't aware that a sensible conversation was an issue, but that's probably more because I've never struggled with that aspect of it through my professional experience. As I said in a previous post, it helps to contact couples ahead of time to build a rapport prior to events but maybe it's a fear of coming over as a creep that causes some anxiety. I like to think there's no harm in trying to have a chat so I give it a go but that's just my perspective on it. | |||
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"It happened in the dogging world, once it became a known thing it killed it off. Not just in terms of activities, but guys showing up with a sense of entitlement and zero social skills or self-awareness just killed the thrill. It’s a shame it’s now (and for a while) happening at clubs too. " this | |||
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" Now that we are interested in single guys we find the main problem, as a few have mentioned, is it is difficult to find a guy who is not afraid to strike up a sensible conversation with a couple. I wasn't aware that a sensible conversation was an issue, but that's probably more because I've never struggled with that aspect of it through my professional experience. As I said in a previous post, it helps to contact couples ahead of time to build a rapport prior to events but maybe it's a fear of coming over as a creep that causes some anxiety. I like to think there's no harm in trying to have a chat so I give it a go but that's just my perspective on it. " Yes, we much prefer exchanging private messages on Fabs before meeting anyone at a club. That way we can sort of find out if the potential playmate(s) are looking for the same sexual stuff as us. It would be pointless meeting someone and finding out that the play isn't going to happen due to them having false expectations on what we will and won't do. However, more than once we have arranged to meet people at a club after making arrangements on Fabs and they are a no show. Then if there are other people at the club who fit the bill then yes we'd play with them after a bit of chat. | |||
" Ooooooh, a Slut like me's dream! That's why we attend in pirticular GG GB nights. So have no fear single men, just choose this type of night. " I see, this is something I haven't found in London clubs yet but will keep an eye out. As I work in London, it's hard to move around the country but I'll see what is possible: I do plan on making connections first socially this year in 2025 before moving to clubs ideally to avoid being a single man wandering endlessly hahaha. " Great thread about an important real issue for genuine bi people looking for bi only events. When is a bit night not a bi night? When it’s full of single straight guys. " I'm sorry to hear this! I have bi friends and I would never imagine as a straight man trying to dilute their preferred bi events at clubs or socials. I'm disappointed to hear that's happened :/ seems to be a running theme more recently. " Yes, we much prefer exchanging private messages on Fabs before meeting anyone at a club. That way we can sort of find out if the potential playmate(s) are looking for the same sexual stuff as us. However, more than once we have arranged to meet people at a club after making arrangements on Fabs and they are a no show. Then if there are other people at the club who fit the bill then yes we'd play with them after a bit of chat. " Yes, I agree with you: this is how I would have approached the situation as per my posts above. I do message couples (rarely I've seen single F posting that they're attending clubs but of course that is understandable given the mountain of creeps I can gather exist on this platform). I am surprised though you have had a high frequency of no-shows. I would have been rather pissed off after a lengthy setup for things not to have come to fruition but alas that is just me. With regards to my original post, I've decided to consider developing my social network on Fab and through my clubs / activities organically and seeing where it goes from there. I know there are events for single men like myself and although it does appear to have a reasonable success rate, I think it is more ideal for me to take my time and try to make reasonable long-term connections with whom I can be more comfortable attending events with instead of attending as a sole male and potentially (unintentionally, of course) ruining a couple or a single F's night at a club. Hopefully it goes well for 2025: It looks like a good year for me anyway both personally and professionally (the latter of which will make swinging a bit harder given my age and type of work I do) but I'll see how it goes. I did consider dating apps like Hinge, Tinder and Feeld but again too many creeps that are single M seem to ruin those apps too so alas I shall try the old fashioned way. Do keep the posts coming - I really enjoyed gaining the insight from everyone here so far and I'd love to contribute where possible to the scene to make it safe and enjoyable for all! A | |||
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"I've been involved with swingers for the past 4 years and generally, I've enjoyed the company of the few people I've met through my own hobbies or through prior University studies. I left a long-term non-monogamous relationship recently (through which I attended Le Boudoir years ago) as the relationship itself had become fairly toxic and on suggestion of a friend who's actively in the scene, I thought to see what a social was like at a swinger's club in a town completely different to mine (attending as a single man). I had made the effort of contacting a few profiles who had listed their intention to be attending just so I could at least strike a few conversations but it was my general intent to look around, see what the venue was like and meet people. Shortly after entering and looking around, it became clear there were way too many single men loitering around. I thought only 6-8 single men would be there as I'd assumed there would be a limit... there was not! More like 35-45 single men. I had struck conversations with two couples who I introduced myself to and immediately, a stream of single men had shown up to be a part of the conversation. I don't mind a few people to have a chat with but when there's 6 or 7 random men who have no interest in what you say and are trying to get to the woman in the couple to attract her interest, that's very odd behaviour and I shortly decided to leave since it all seemed really weird. I can see now why the "wanking dead" is a problem at clubs. I excused myself from the venue and called it an early night because it was really off-putting to see so many random individuals just standing around the cinema or couples' only sections. I'd go to the bar, talk to a couple or a woman there and introduce myself but these men would just hang around. In the cinema specifically, they'd get up, walk towards a couple who are enjoying themselves and immediately drop their trousers holding their cocks... rather odd I must say. It's safe to say I won't be attending a club as a single man ever again: I would like to return with a woman (either as a couple or with a friend) to a couples' only night but I really was put off by the single men in the club, and I'm saying that as a single man myself. Sorry to any single man who may be offended - I couldn't believe how bad it was and I can see now why couples' only nights are a thing. Sucks really, but it is what it is!" This is what I still haven't attended a club as a single man as don't want to be labeled in the same brush seems a lot of women and couples get bombarded by single pushy guys Where I am the total opposite Uts whats putting me off going but a few lovely people on here have said I should attend and just be myself and ill be just fine | |||
" This is what I still haven't attended a club as a single man as don't want to be labeled in the same brush seems a lot of women and couples get bombarded by single pushy guys Where I am the total opposite Uts whats putting me off going but a few lovely people on here have said I should attend and just be myself and ill be just fine " I feel exactly the same as you really: I'm not risking being brushed as a pushy individual when I prefer to just go with the vibe and enjoy my own surroundings. Hell, I do hobbies where I'm regularly outnumbered by 10 women for every 1 man and I've never had a single issue in those environments because I simply mind my own business as a basic assumption and not remotely consider doing anything stupid. I think those couples who are giving you and me those advice are doing so with good intentions but it's definitely a case of different perspectives and a changing environment more recently. It's hard as a single man but made impossible thanks to some knuckleheads who can't read the room and give people some space to enjoy their experience let alone breathe. | |||
" This is what I still haven't attended a club as a single man as don't want to be labeled in the same brush seems a lot of women and couples get bombarded by single pushy guys Where I am the total opposite Uts whats putting me off going but a few lovely people on here have said I should attend and just be myself and ill be just fine I feel exactly the same as you really: I'm not risking being brushed as a pushy individual when I prefer to just go with the vibe and enjoy my own surroundings. Hell, I do hobbies where I'm regularly outnumbered by 10 women for every 1 man and I've never had a single issue in those environments because I simply mind my own business as a basic assumption and not remotely consider doing anything stupid. I think those couples who are giving you and me those advice are doing so with good intentions but it's definitely a case of different perspectives and a changing environment more recently. It's hard as a single man but made impossible thanks to some knuckleheads who can't read the room and give people some space to enjoy their experience let alone breathe. " Well said its actually quite bizarre how some people mostly men think do they but hay who am I to judge but im thinking about either going to a smaller private party or a week day/day time to get my face seen etc id be happy to just socially get to know a few people on the scene I wouldn't go expecting sex where majority of single men seem to do so im told I get the whole point is sex but personally prefer to get to know people in a unrushed Manor and just take things as they come I'm very old school moralled I have respect and manors and just appreciative being in the scene itself | |||
" Well said its actually quite bizarre how some people mostly men think do they but hay who am I to judge but im thinking about either going to a smaller private party or a week day/day time to get my face seen etc id be happy to just socially get to know a few people on the scene I wouldn't go expecting sex where majority of single men seem to do so im told I get the whole point is sex but personally prefer to get to know people in a unrushed Manor and just take things as they come I'm very old school moralled I have respect and manors and just appreciative being in the scene itself " Are there any events at clubs where it's purely social and no play? That would imo filter a chunk of the weirdos. I'm asking as I'm less familiar than others here (anyone is happy to comment if they know). I'd be very happy if there was even an evening event where they said "look, this is a social and there will be no play: meet, have a chat, get to know each other." This event could be charged cheaper also given the limited scope of the event but removing that element would discourage people who can't talk and socialise (at least in my view anyway). Could be a terrible idea also hahaha I haven't considered the downsides FYI so please don't come and attack me (it's just an idea i.e. a hypothetical suggestion) | |||
" Well said its actually quite bizarre how some people mostly men think do they but hay who am I to judge but im thinking about either going to a smaller private party or a week day/day time to get my face seen etc id be happy to just socially get to know a few people on the scene I wouldn't go expecting sex where majority of single men seem to do so im told I get the whole point is sex but personally prefer to get to know people in a unrushed Manor and just take things as they come I'm very old school moralled I have respect and manors and just appreciative being in the scene itself Are there any events at clubs where it's purely social and no play? That would imo filter a chunk of the weirdos. I'm asking as I'm less familiar than others here (anyone is happy to comment if they know). I'd be very happy if there was even an evening event where they said "look, this is a social and there will be no play: meet, have a chat, get to know each other." This event could be charged cheaper also given the limited scope of the event but removing that element would discourage people who can't talk and socialise (at least in my view anyway). Could be a terrible idea also hahaha I haven't considered the downsides FYI so please don't come and attack me (it's just an idea i.e. a hypothetical suggestion)" I've literally just seen a social in Bristol but was for single ladies and couples I think what you said is a good idea might not be everyone's cup of tea but would be good for first timers or nervous people or people who enjoy knowing someone before getting intimate I find sex so much better when you when socialising at same time I prefer my sexual partners be able to hold a coherent convo and actually have a personality | |||
" Are there any events at clubs where it's purely social and no play? That would imo filter a chunk of the weirdos. I'm asking as I'm less familiar than others here (anyone is happy to comment if they know). I'd be very happy if there was even an evening event where they said "look, this is a social and there will be no play: meet, have a chat, get to know each other." This event could be charged cheaper also given the limited scope of the event but removing that element would discourage people who can't talk and socialise (at least in my view anyway). Could be a terrible idea also hahaha I haven't considered the downsides FYI so please don't come and attack me (it's just an idea i.e. a hypothetical suggestion)" You could consider clubs which have additional facilities not directly swinging related. For instance Xxtasia club in West Bromwhich has a full and very big spa area. So you could use the spa area one afternoon or evening without it being anything more than a spa activity, yet be able to talk with other people in the spa. Xtasia also has literally a pub, separate from the club area, so you could have time in the pub as well. Have a look at their website for more details. | |||
" Well said its actually quite bizarre how some people mostly men think do they but hay who am I to judge but im thinking about either going to a smaller private party or a week day/day time to get my face seen etc id be happy to just socially get to know a few people on the scene I wouldn't go expecting sex where majority of single men seem to do so im told I get the whole point is sex but personally prefer to get to know people in a unrushed Manor and just take things as they come I'm very old school moralled I have respect and manors and just appreciative being in the scene itself Are there any events at clubs where it's purely social and no play? That would imo filter a chunk of the weirdos. I'm asking as I'm less familiar than others here (anyone is happy to comment if they know). I'd be very happy if there was even an evening event where they said "look, this is a social and there will be no play: meet, have a chat, get to know each other." This event could be charged cheaper also given the limited scope of the event but removing that element would discourage people who can't talk and socialise (at least in my view anyway). Could be a terrible idea also hahaha I haven't considered the downsides FYI so please don't come and attack me (it's just an idea i.e. a hypothetical suggestion)" At clubs? Not that common but they do exist. But there are no end of swinger organised socials only events across the county advertised on here, usually held in bars, clubs (non swinging) and other locations, where there is a zero play policy. Yes, some choose to be couples/women only (like the Bristol one, never understood why 🤷♂️) but most operate on a guest list basis to manage numbers. They're a great way to network, socialise, catch up with friends, meet new people from other areas who've travelled for the event and generally the single best way to put yourself out there and show people the real you. They're a blast. 👌👌 | |||
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"Hi, I as a first timer at a swing club with my partner, who has previous experience,found it a hot experience being in there. In the main bar area the ratio to couples and single men was a good mix but in the more experimental areas where folk were up and close I found it stiffling that it was full mainly of single men. I'm still very open to swinging venues but would likely look at folks going to the venue to get to know and chat first as you said or go on couples only nights. Reading other threads there does seem to be a greater volume of single men to single women or couples. I hope you still venture out and get to enjoy the lifestyle you love, as I too look forward to exploring it further .... Vicki" Thank you Vicki! It's been nearly 2 weeks since I revisited this thread and I've since had a boatload of support from people I know in the lifestyle who expressed identical views to yourself in terms of their experiences. I'm taking my time at the moment and focusing on my own work but definitely down the line over the next months, I'd look to attend a club again. It does indeed disappoint me but I think I learnt something value to take away from the experience nonetheless. Hope it all goes well for you too! " On my last trip i visited cupids for a bi night hoping to fulfil my bi curiosity. Unfortunately it turned out to be full of straight men. " Oh dear, that's awful. Can I ask if this has been a common theme in your experience with bi clubs or if this is more recent? " We only go to Couples and Single ladies nights. Heard of too many bad stories where single men were allowed in on some nights." Yes, understandable. As I mentioned to Vicki above, I've heard people mention their own experiences and wow, it's eye-opening to say the least. | |||
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"Wanking zombies drive us mad! They are sad to watch and so predictable! I hate how they think they are being "normal" in clubs. Their behaviour is dusgusting.....nothing else to say." I had this conversation with a relatively new friend who is very open and happy to discuss her experiences. She added to your point that she often has to be vigilant of non-consensual touching of her friends as often men will just be watching and then approaching them without an introduction. She suggested though not to attend swingers’ clubs outright but instead find private parties where a strict selection process exists. Otherwise, your experience of zombies seems to be unfortunately very common from what I’ve heard in recent weeks since being away. I’m happy now to have a more secure network of poly friends who are happy to give me insights, but eurgh the behaviours of some men that approach them do make my skin crawl! "We get weirded out by single men on fab more than those at clubs" I can see why, as per my above. I’m starting to consider calling time on fab as I think this problem is growing out of control and looking at how quickly women receive messages soon after signing up, the gender imbalance is making it uncomfortable for women and couples unfortunately. | |||
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"We were thinking of going to the nudist spa in Kent, just to chill. This is somewhat depressing to read. I don't want to spend the whole time fending guys off." Just to reply separately, I should clarify this event was a specific evening event that was open to single men. If you wish to attend the spa anytime during the day or evening, I would assume this won’t be a problem. | |||
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"I have been away for weeks and only just caught up: Wanking zombies drive us mad! They are sad to watch and so predictable! I hate how they think they are being "normal" in clubs. Their behaviour is dusgusting.....nothing else to say. I had this conversation with a relatively new friend who is very open and happy to discuss her experiences. She added to your point that she often has to be vigilant of non-consensual touching of her friends as often men will just be watching and then approaching them without an introduction. She suggested though not to attend swingers’ clubs outright but instead find private parties where a strict selection process exists. Otherwise, your experience of zombies seems to be unfortunately very common from what I’ve heard in recent weeks since being away. I’m happy now to have a more secure network of poly friends who are happy to give me insights, but eurgh the behaviours of some men that approach them do make my skin crawl! We get weirded out by single men on fab more than those at clubs I can see why, as per my above. I’m starting to consider calling time on fab as I think this problem is growing out of control and looking at how quickly women receive messages soon after signing up, the gender imbalance is making it uncomfortable for women and couples unfortunately. " The solution is simple. Don't be one of those guys. 🤷♂️ Nobody else's behaviour reflects on you but your own. | |||
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"Some clubs we’ve had no problems with guys following us around but others have been awful and it becomes off-putting. We often stand in the bar and no one approaches to chat- then as soon as we go into the play area, they are crowding you. It will always be a no from someone who doesn’t engage in conversation with us both. K" My own experience is that I would be talking to both and then the F would be surrounded by a handful of men, leaving me with the M in the MF. Felt a bit off and felt bad for the M as no one even bothered to say hi to him. Manners these days, I guess? Meh. " Weve had same at a club sat downstairs and nothing then went into a voyeur room but forgot to lock the door well infact the lock was broke and before you know it 6/7 zombies just wanking next to the bed. I remember a voice saying can i have a go like really. Been a few times to same club and its rife. So looking for couples only nights or house parties with couples only. " That's really creepy, honestly. "Can I have a go?" I mean, what?! I did see this at the cinema where there were 20 men surrounding 3 couples and I wasn't sure what to make of it aside from thinking that it was mental. " When we've gone to clubs we tend to go on nights to ones which limit the numbers of single men and so far only really play in locked rooms or couples rooms. " I've been fortunate to have heard of some places where this is implemented. I won't of course disclose names here to preserve the quality of the establishments but as I said above, it would be good if this was a more common theme especially in London-based clubs where I am currently based. " Dont get me wrong, we've met some lovely guys that we'd consider friends now and they're not at all predatory. " No, absolutely. I'm not saying ALL single men are like this (of course, I include myself in this conversation). There are, of course, some that exist who are aware of their boundaries and wouldn't ever commit sexual assault at a club. It was just that the majority of those that I saw were behaving unusually. I know my post made it seem like I was painting all single M with the same brush but this wasn't the intention. " I've been thinking of going to a club, I messaged a lovely couple from here who told me all about how amazing it can be. How you could meet new people etc... I was all up for trying it. I was going to be brave and everything. not now, sounds horrific! " " This is what puts me off going for the first time " Honestly, looking back at this post now, I think it's served as a good warning sign and PSA for everyone involved on how to best behave. As long as you don't do anything ridiculous and you respect boundaries, feel free to go as you wish
Otherwise, work is very heavy at the moment but I'll figure my way around the lifestyle a bit more now the slowest month of the year is out of the way haha | |||
