FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Weirded out by single men at a swingers' club (as a single man myself)
Weirded out by single men at a swingers' club (as a single man myself)
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If they are happy to pay the (apparently steep) charges to get in, why not instead stay away from the club and indulge in the services of the world's oldest profession? They'd literally get bang for their buck and "what they paid for"? Clearly they want sex and expect sex at a club.
C xoxo | |||
"Maybe I am lucky but I don’t see that behaviour in the clubs I go to. They limit the number of males who can join and also pre vet them first. I think you need a different club." Some clubs are way better than others. Not all are the same, chose wisely. | |||
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"Maybe I am lucky but I don’t see that behaviour in the clubs I go to. They limit the number of males who can join and also pre vet them first. I think you need a different club. Some clubs are way better than others. Not all are the same, chose wisely." This is very true! | |||
"Having never been to a club, but we now and again read stories just in case on days the stars align and we decide to, these types of stories really put us off. While it is a club, and certain things are to be expected, the thought of having hordes of random blokes just sat around wanking or following couples in their droves in the hope of some action.....
If they are happy to pay the (apparently steep) charges to get in, why not instead stay away from the club and indulge in the services of the world's oldest profession? They'd literally get bang for their buck and "what they paid for"? Clearly they want sex and expect sex at a club.
C xoxo"But that's different! Going to a swingers club is not, strictly, paying for sex even though that's the expectation, getting their dicks wet. Paying for a guaranteed sex from the professional is below many, and there is probably the feeling "do they really enjoy what I'm doing or are they pretending because I am paying?" | |||
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" I would also be curious to know which clubs vet and limit the number of single men but this is evidently not something I'd ask anyone to mention in this forum openly so please refrain from doing so otherwise the wanking dead will definitely find their way to those places too! " Not London obviously, but several of the Libs events vet single guys who are new to an event via a video call or as a minimum requiring meet veris and a reasonable Fab profile. There are limited numbers of spaces for single men on the guest lists - where relevant, this is made clear in the forum event posts. L | |||
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"This is the sort of thing that turns me off as a single guy, a little conversation (especially if it’s spicy) turns on the mind as well as the body. Just had a little peek at your profile and verifications and by the sound of things you’re approachable and sociable. Their loss! " Thank you, the kind words are much appreciated! I had a good chat with the Fab profiles I had spoken to prior to the event but the men lingering about and making things uncomfortable at the cinema. I do my best to hold a conversation but am also aware when it is time to move on and "read the room" so to speak, which I did with good intention. "As a guy I'd say one thing. Stop worrying about the behaviour of other men. Just do you." Understood! Your advice and insight is much appreciated and will definitely refer to it when considering to visit other clubs. As it was the first time I was visiting as a single man, there were also a few understandable nerves involved but the more I meet people, the more I'm sure I'll be able to enjoy the events. "Not London obviously, but several of the Libs events vet single guys who are new to an event via a video call or as a minimum requiring meet veris and a reasonable Fab profile." Thanks for this advice, will look into it! I'm very supportive of this screening process and feel this would be ideal for all parties involved if this equivalent was implemented as a standard across all clubs. The event hosts seem to have done a great job, shame it's a distance away but will keep it in mind when I am travelling! Thanks so much once again: I'm now less irked out and realising there are good people in this lifestyle who understand my view and experiences  | |||
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"We've had some amazing experiences with single guys and some really bad ones. If I could give any single guy some advice it would be to be respectful. Following us, wanking and loudly chatting whilst watching us play or just lying next to us is a massive turn off. Being respectful goes a long way. One the best experiences we had was with a guy who simply asked if we were OK with him watching, sounds silly but made all the difference" Good advice right there | |||
" We recently chatted to a guy on fab for a couple of weeks prior to him and us visiting the same club. We felt the chat had gone well and Mrs F seemed keen as long as all went well on the night. We arrived and he arrived not long after. We recognised each other straight away. He introduced himself and spent maybe 3 mins with us and then progressed into his gallop." Hahaha this made me laugh, I'm sorry for laughing. The club I went to had a no-phones policy, which made absolute sense given the potential issues it could cause. It did, however, mean I had to guess where the couples were as it had been a while since I saw their face pic. This is something I learnt and will take forward for future reference e.g. I should suggest a face-to-face interaction prior to arrival. " I'd much rather be in the moment look over and take it from there. If it's just sex leave it as just sex if it's trying to establish comparability something repetitive consistent then by all means do the interest conversations etc.. " I can see where you are coming from with this sentiment if that is what you prefer. Personally, I do want to learn about the other person as I think it's enjoyable to make new connections (which have definitely been very valuable for both parties in the long run). This has, of course, been a challenge for me on Fab given the unfortunate behaviour of many individuals on the platform but alas I'll endeavour to continue being as genuine as possible. " Our regular club has checks, balances and a long waiting list to control single men numbers. Every night is different with a mix of character types. We always have fun and keep clear of the types we have no interest in; no more than a polite “no” has been required. OP, don’t give up, sounds like the club was wrong. " Thank you WhatsWhatCouple! The club itself is fairly renowned and the staff there were very friendly. It was more on the attendees though in my view. I did read their members' suggestion board where it did say the club needed to improve in certain areas so this post is definitely something I could address to them for future reference. " We’ve not been to a club yet and reading this has been a big help. A couples and ladies night sounds just perfect for us. " No worries, glad you feel informed!
" We've had some amazing experiences with single guys and some really bad ones. If I could give any single guy some advice it would be to be respectful. Following us, wanking and loudly chatting whilst watching us play or just lying next to us is a massive turn off. Being respectful goes a long way. One the best experiences we had was with a guy who simply asked if we were OK with him watching, sounds silly but made all the difference. " Yes, I totally agree and understand! I sat at the back of the cinema and was simply trying to familiarise myself with the dynamics of the room without interrupting anyone's experience as that would be selfish and rude. The other 50 odd single men would walk in and immediately occupy the couple(s) which made the room experience a bit difficult to sit through. Definitely will remember the advice in the future though, also! | |||
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"Most of the time these guys are being disrespectful to themselves, doubt they even realise this. We went to a social once and I was happily chatting to a guy, within minutes I was surrounded by 5, 6 guys all wanting a piece of conversation and some getting a bit too sleazy. My over friendly demeanor must have given them the wrong idea, anyway they absolutely spoilt it for the decent man I was chatting with and left me no option but to retreat to the safety of our couple friends group. Mrs." Absolutely word-for-word what happened to me as I alluded to above. It was very disappointing as I was having a pleasant conversation with a few different attendees (MF / F) before the same issue kept on happening over and over again. I'd be talking to either the M or the F of the couple and suddenly, 4-5 single guys appear out of nowhere and try to one-up each other in the now-formed group conversation. I remember speaking to a friend afterward and I said to her "you know, I can understand now why women in this lifestyle don't look kindly on single men because it is so unusual and off-putting what I saw that night." Very disappointed but what can I say? Can't blame you at all for retreating - I'd have 100% done the same. | |||
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"Not sure what point you’re trying to make here to be honest Is this some form of virtue signalling. I was at a club as a single guy but I was much better than the other single guys? Have I missed something? " Hi there, sorry for lack of clarification. I tried alluding to it in the second message I sent on this forum but I am new to this functionality so it was unsuccessful. My line of questioning was around how (if any) clubs mitigate these issues of e.g. "The Wanking Dead" single men walking around aimlessly, single men immediately swarming single women or those in a couple and not being considerate of people's general boundaries. As it was my first time, I wanted to offer my own insight and comment that I felt it was a strange environment with so many single men that I chose to leave. I then wanted to ask if this was a common occurence across all swingers' clubs or specific to some than to others. I was not intending to virtue signal as I would hope what I did was not unique or special in any way. It was simply trying to understand the current situation / landscape and how clubs try to work around this when and where possible, as some members have kindly suggested. " We’ve been to our local club 3 times in the last 3 months and I don’t recognise your description. But maybe we’ve just been lucky? " Totally normal by the looks of things - was just curious how common my description was. If it's not common in your experiences, that is a good thing haha | |||
"I've been involved with swingers for the past 4 years and generally, I've enjoyed the company of the few people I've met through my own hobbies or through prior University studies. I left a long-term non-monogamous relationship recently (through which I attended Le Boudoir years ago) as the relationship itself had become fairly toxic and on suggestion of a friend who's actively in the scene, I thought to see what a social was like at a swinger's club in a town completely different to mine (attending as a single man). I had made the effort of contacting a few profiles who had listed their intention to be attending just so I could at least strike a few conversations but it was my general intent to look around, see what the venue was like and meet people. Shortly after entering and looking around, it became clear there were way too many single men loitering around. I thought only 6-8 single men would be there as I'd assumed there would be a limit... there was not! More like 35-45 single men. I had struck conversations with two couples who I introduced myself to and immediately, a stream of single men had shown up to be a part of the conversation. I don't mind a few people to have a chat with but when there's 6 or 7 random men who have no interest in what you say and are trying to get to the woman in the couple to attract her interest, that's very odd behaviour and I shortly decided to leave since it all seemed really weird. I can see now why the "wanking dead" is a problem at clubs. I excused myself from the venue and called it an early night because it was really off-putting to see so many random individuals just standing around the cinema or couples' only sections. I'd go to the bar, talk to a couple or a woman there and introduce myself but these men would just hang around. In the cinema specifically, they'd get up, walk towards a couple who are enjoying themselves and immediately drop their trousers holding their cocks... rather odd I must say. It's safe to say I won't be attending a club as a single man ever again: I would like to return with a woman (either as a couple or with a friend) to a couples' only night but I really was put off by the single men in the club, and I'm saying that as a single man myself. Sorry to any single man who may be offended - I couldn't believe how bad it was and I can see now why couples' only nights are a thing. Sucks really, but it is what it is!" Don't give up on clubs. Maybe you need to ask how many single guys they allow on a night? Plus do voice your concerns to the club ownwers as they may not be aware it bothers people. | |||
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" Don't give up on clubs. Maybe you need to ask how many single guys they allow on a night? Plus do voice your concerns to the club ownwers as they may not be aware it bothers people. " This is my plan! I think the next time I see an event, I will approach the organisers at the venue to ask if there are limits on single men and voice my feedback accordingly. " This is pretty much what puts us off going to single guy nights, shame really as we are more likely to actually find someone we might want to join us like this, but most guys don't actually want to just chat and have a laugh and see what happens most just want to wank and be a pest, we know there's good guys out there but are definitely over shadowed by the rest. It's pretty much the same on fab. " This is also my experience on Fab! I did once query the number of male profiles and I think it was a magnitude larger than MF and F profiles. You can see it also by the number of fabs a photo gets within an hour. Although I can't speak for all single men, I have seen complaints about single men introducing themselves in ways such as "hey wuu2" or equivalent, which I find odd and would never do. Shame, but it is what it is hahaha. " The way they stalk you around the club gets a bit worrying I had to tell one creep to fuck off in the changing room as he was stood there licking his lips grabing his dick while she was trying to get dressed after we'd been in the wet areas... " That's definitely creepy: I didn't see that thankfully at this club but again, I would appreciate if clubs did enforce some expectations to avoid ruining the experiences of other attendees as I would also be creeped out from seeing that. Definitely saw the "following" behaviour more from the older single men but that's owing to the number of them as opposed to specific traits. " Now that we are interested in single guys we find the main problem, as a few have mentioned, is it is difficult to find a guy who is not afraid to strike up a sensible conversation with a couple. " I wasn't aware that a sensible conversation was an issue, but that's probably more because I've never struggled with that aspect of it through my professional experience. As I said in a previous post, it helps to contact couples ahead of time to build a rapport prior to events but maybe it's a fear of coming over as a creep that causes some anxiety. I like to think there's no harm in trying to have a chat so I give it a go but that's just my perspective on it. | |||
