FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > how do break the news
how do break the news
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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hi am new and single and loving it here so far and peeps are all smashing, but do plan to settle down again if you came in as a couple its sorted, but how do i now explain to any new potenial partner that i enjoy this or do i try to meet a single on here i feel am now one of the X Men if seen the films
its a head scatcher  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably the best way to deal with it is to put the lifestyle on hold until you find her feet with her, see how you get along etc, then tell her about the pastime that you enjoyed before you met her and see how she feels about it.
I wouldn't tell her straight away what you did because it could put her off before she really gets to know you, but neither would I continue the lifestyle behind her back.
If, after you've got round to telling her, she doesn't like it or doesn't agree with you doing it and you intend to settle down with her then you have to stop doing it - simple as that.
But above all else, if you want a good relationship to form, honesty is the keyword - don't be tempted to continue behind her back - it just isn't worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably the best way to deal with it is to put the lifestyle on hold until you find her feet with her, see how you get along etc, then tell her about the pastime that you enjoyed before you met her and see how she feels about it.
I wouldn't tell her straight away what you did because it could put her off before she really gets to know you, but neither would I continue the lifestyle behind her back.
If, after you've got round to telling her, she doesn't like it or doesn't agree with you doing it and you intend to settle down with her then you have to stop doing it - simple as that.
But above all else, if you want a good relationship to form, honesty is the keyword - don't be tempted to continue behind her back - it just isn't worth it."
I agree with Redhot, honesty is the best policy even though we know people carry on behind their partners back. You may find that once you've found that special someone this lifestyle will no longer appeal anyway! All the best x |
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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago
a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5 |
Well I had this problem myself a few times
I started dating non swingers
I kept it from them to start with and regreted it
Now I am on a dating site and openly say what I do and what I am looking for
It does save all the heartache or hurting an innocent person who wants a sexually faithful lady
So I would mention it from the start, or else give up and concentrate on fiding your soulmate
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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early days had a lot girlfriends since my split which was hard on me so unable to settle but this ones ok getting on well not evan done the dirty deed so she does not know am a mucky pup lol be nice to meet soul mate same as these nice couple peeps  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's also fair to maybe tell her before you sleep/have sex together too because dropping the bombshell after the fact would be a real slap in the face if you get my meaning.
At least she can then make her own mind up before going any further. |
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at the end of the day you will know when its right to tell her. you will also know if she is the right person for you, you may find someone who isnt inot swinging but who is perfect for you and makes you give up all of this! lol
as for swinging while in the early stages, as long as you are both of the understanding that you are not exclusive what harm is there?? |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"early days had a lot girlfriends since my split which was hard on me so unable to settle but this ones ok getting on well not evan done the dirty deed so she does not know am a mucky pup lol be nice to meet soul mate same as these nice couple peeps "
So you are dating a nice girl.....
And swinging on the side.
You are not a very nice person really are you!
I hope she finds someone who is worthy of her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"early days had a lot girlfriends since my split which was hard on me so unable to settle but this ones ok getting on well not evan done the dirty deed so she does not know am a mucky pup lol be nice to meet soul mate same as these nice couple peeps
So you are dating a nice girl.....
And swinging on the side.
You are not a very nice person really are you!
I hope she finds someone who is worthy of her."
Ditto, you should just enjoy what bit of time you have together because when she finds out you have been having sex with others without her knowledge your gonna be history and quite right too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am single, and play as a single, and don't hide the fact that I have multiple partners, and belong to FAB! 
I believe honesty is a virtue, and that it is better to be honest and upfront about my lifestyle choices at the onset of any potential new relationship.
If the other person cannot accept my lifestyle choices, then it is unlikely for the relationship to last IMHO  |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"I am single, and play as a single, and don't hide the fact that I have multiple partners, and belong to FAB!
I believe honesty is a virtue, and that it is better to be honest and upfront about my lifestyle choices at the onset of any potential new relationship.
If the other person cannot accept my lifestyle choices, then it is unlikely for the relationship to last IMHO "
Bloody well said girl xxxx
IMHO...... if anyone is in any kind of relationship where they have to get sex/swing without their partner knowing... they are in the wrong bloody relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i agree. from a single girls viewpoint i would be pretty excuse the language fucked off if i was seein someone and they were swinging behind my back!! u cant have your cake and eat it . i would rather if i was seein someone they told me then see it goes from there. i find your attitude a bit selfish to be honest and im no being offensive honestly! i wish you well whatever way it goes and maybe you should see if you could meet a partner through the site where its a common interest?? xx |
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"hi am new and single and loving it here so far and peeps are all smashing, but do plan to settle down again if you came in as a couple its sorted, but how do i now explain to any new potenial partner that i enjoy this or do i try to meet a single on here i feel am now one of the X Men if seen the films
its a head scatcher "
I think your sitting on the fence, or playing both sides of it...either way its unfair on the potential girlfriend...u could tell her what you have done, see how she takes it....if she takes it badly...are you prepared to give it up for her?....really comes down to what she means to you....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have met a couple of guys through a dating site who wanted to have a relationship with me, once I informed them I was on a swinging site though they were off as fast as their legs could carry them, no chance to explain or tell them I would consider giving it all up. One was even on this site although he didn't know I knew.  How soon is too soon to tell any potential partner? |
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"I have met a couple of guys through a dating site who wanted to have a relationship with me, once I informed them I was on a swinging site though they were off as fast as their legs could carry them, no chance to explain or tell them I would consider giving it all up. One was even on this site although he didn't know I knew. How soon is too soon to tell any potential partner?"
Thats a fair comment....if youre prepared to give it up for them, is it worth telling them in the first place, as in whats past is past....its the future thats iportant.
Not easy one way or the other, i dont think theres a definitive answer...  |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
If he intends to stay on any swinging site...... he should tell her immediately.
Otherwise, he is just yet another dishonest eejit on her who want's to date a 'nice' girl/bloke and shag swingers behind their backs! |
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"If he intends to stay on any swinging site...... he should tell her immediately.
Otherwise, he is just yet another dishonest eejit on her who want's to date a 'nice' girl/bloke and shag swingers behind their backs!"
Of course cake and eat it spring to mind, but it really depends on whether he thinks this girl is the one or if hes keeping her on one arm, but hoping something better comes along...as i said sitting on the fence, committing to neither option.....  |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"If he intends to stay on any swinging site...... he should tell her immediately.
Otherwise, he is just yet another dishonest eejit on her who want's to date a 'nice' girl/bloke and shag swingers behind their backs!
Of course cake and eat it spring to mind, but it really depends on whether he thinks this girl is the one or if hes keeping her on one arm, but hoping something better comes along...as i said sitting on the fence, committing to neither option..... "
Obligatory 'girlfriend' -v- 'easy' fuck
Still a total twat in my opinion
If a swinger has any morals, they don't swing and date non-swingers at the same time.
Either go for the 'normal' girlfriend or stick to the swinging!
Lets be honest, there is probably more dating going on within the swinging community, than the other 'proper' dating sites put together! |
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Maybe he's sticking around but not meeting at the moment - I see plenty of people's profiles who say they're not interested in meets at the moment and are only here for the social aspect. Maybe he's not deleted his account but keeping a low profile (pun intended!) until he knows how serious the relationship with the new girlfriend is.
If so, does that change people's opinion of him, as some have been pretty scathing in their replies possibly without knowing all the details.
nb - I've not read the OP's profile... maybe I should've read it first before replying  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thanks for all comments have taken them all on board even the harsh critisim which was a bit over the top prob the wrong place place to seek advice lesson learned ta much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I told my ex about 3 months into the relationship that i was on a swingers site. In that time i never played away and had no intention in doing so as i was having my fun with my new then gf and never even had a thought about meeting anyone else. I felt it was my place to tell her and her response was that she clearly wasn't interested in the scene but wasn't shocked or anything of my past. I was honest with her in that i was only interested in her and deleted my account that i had.
Honesty is the best policy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for all comments have taken them all on board even the harsh critisim which was a bit over the top prob the wrong place place to seek advice lesson learned ta much "
well it wasnt really harsh just honest?? remember all the fems here have been singles on the datin scene at one time or another and we did give u it from a female viewpoint i think it maybe wasnt the answers you wanted. good luck anyway x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think even if u have a girlfriend
u should state on ur profile (attached)
that way ppl know where they stand
an that way ur not being deceitfull
to other's |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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am single and will remain that way if and when i decide i dont want to be which may be shortly i will abandon this i dont and never have cheated on anyone although had plenty oppertunity in the past i wish i could say the same for my ex
ps thats from a male point of view of course |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"early days had a lot girlfriends since my split which was hard on me so unable to settle but this ones ok getting on well not evan done the dirty deed so she does not know am a mucky pup lol be nice to meet soul mate same as these nice couple peeps "
So this nice 'normal' girl is no longer in your life then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"hi am new and single and loving it here so far and peeps are all smashing, but do plan to settle down again if you came in as a couple its sorted, but how do i now explain to any new potenial partner that i enjoy this or do i try to meet a single on here i feel am now one of the X Men if seen the films
its a head scatcher "
No head scratcher really,just be up front and tell them on the first date.
If they're up for a second date you've cracked it,if not,life goes on.
Honesty is always the best policy and the sooner the better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Id wait till you have found someone and then see how you feel, once your in a relationship you may not be so keen to carry on if it means sharing the new 'love of your life' lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Drop it into conversation not that your a swinger but about swinging in general and see how she reacts. See if shes cool with it or not. She might surprise you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met my partner on here. Go to places where there are like minded people. Once a swinger always a swinger its very hard to put it back in its box. Swinger socials are pretty good. Check on the events page. |
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