FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Waste of time
Waste of time
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By *BCambsCouple 15 weeks ago
Biggleswade |
"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
Did you not understand their response?
Why do you need more than you got. For couples a reply, usually leads to a reply which requires a reply.
It's is a unwanted back and forth that happens all the time in the name of 'politeness'.
You got answered straight away.
You didn't like it but you got your answer with no time wasted.
I'm sorry you're upset by this but if you want to play in this world, toughen up buttercup.
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I get that, but speaking to couples and women who have accounts here, they are absolutely inundated with messages.
I think at a certain point it becomes infeasible to reply to everyone - a block is a convenient way to say “sorry, not interested.”
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
Totally agree with you, simple reply doesn’t cost anything |
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"I get that, but speaking to couples and women who have accounts here, they are absolutely inundated with messages.
I think at a certain point it becomes infeasible to reply to everyone - a block is a convenient way to say “sorry, not interested.”
"
Oh and also, I think there’s some guys for whom a “no thanks” reply doesn’t end the conversation - multiply that percentage by however many messages folks are getting, that’s a lot of extra work and they may have to block anyway.
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By *dam_EveCouple 15 weeks ago
Manchester |
I think this has been covered a lot in the forums.
Some days we'll get over 200 messages, with a similar number of winks and friend requests.
The time it takes to reply to each of those, every day, is not sustainable.
We started out doing so with the best of intentions however 99% of the messages are from people who haven't shown us the courtesy of reading our preferences but chance their arm anyway. Lots of others are abusive when given a polite no or try to persuade us to meet anyway.
It's simpler all round if you're not for us to just block and move on.
Does a 'sorry you're not quite my type' make any difference to the actual outcome? Not to you but it takes time and emotional energy on our behalf to repeatedly justify our choices. |
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By *avinci4Man 15 weeks ago
East Midlands |
"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation
Did you not understand their response?
Why do you need more than you got. For couples a reply, usually leads to a reply which requires a reply.
It's is a unwanted back and forth that happens all the time in the name of 'politeness'.
You got answered straight away.
You didn't like it but you got your answer with no time wasted.
I'm sorry you're upset by this but if you want to play in this world, toughen up buttercup.
"
I don't really endorse this mindset. It comes across as empty pussyfluf argument. But, I also recently learned that Fs and FM couples receive 100s of emails/day. So in light of this I can understand where you're coming from. Therefore, we Ms don't like it, but must learn to fab with it. |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
I'd argue that a one word reply isn't conversation but 🤷♀️.
I think blocking has told you all you need to know but I can understand that it feels a bit blunt when you're on the receiving end
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By *eyeYCouple 15 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation
Did you not understand their response?
Why do you need more than you got. For couples a reply, usually leads to a reply which requires a reply.
It's is a unwanted back and forth that happens all the time in the name of 'politeness'.
You got answered straight away.
You didn't like it but you got your answer with no time wasted.
I'm sorry you're upset by this but if you want to play in this world, toughen up buttercup.
I don't really endorse this mindset. It comes across as empty pussyfluf argument. But, I also recently learned that Fs and FM couples receive 100s of emails/day. So in light of this I can understand where you're coming from. Therefore, we Ms don't like it, but must learn to fab with it."
Mr here, been both sides of the coin and frankly appreciate the frustration of guy's..
We have full time job's, kids and vanilla commitments.
We try to be civil and respond to the majority, even if that's a 'no thank you' but the majority of messages received have evidently either not read our profile (whether that's guy's or couples) aim messages squarely towards Y for their own reasons and as harsh as it may sound, why should we take time to massage their dented ego's when Fab as a platform state no response is a no, when our desires are placed beneath theirs? |
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By *eyeYCouple 15 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation
I'd argue that a one word reply isn't conversation but 🤷♀️.
I think blocking has told you all you need to know but I can understand that it feels a bit blunt when you're on the receiving end
"
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Some people get lots of messages a day op, then if they say no thanks, some get abusive and some say well why not etc.
It's easier to just block someone when they don't match your preferences or haven't read a profile.
I don't get loads of messages and use filters to keep mail low, but I do block certain types of profiles and messages.
If someone's read my profile and sent a nice message, I always respond even with a no thanks.
Just take a no reply/block as you weren't compatible. |
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My partner replies to be kind and generally ends up in a back to forth which is wasting hers and other persons time mostly
I will generally just delete, or rather bluntly but politly reply not interested some I will block for reasons without replying
Like others being in a couple account we get unindated with messages, some of the men we have met say they get two three messages a week, we can't keep up most the time
Just toughen up |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
I'm no longer replying to those who have blatantly not read my profile. I, like many others, ask for a particular word to be used when sending a message, then I know you at least meet all or most of what I like. When someone can't be bothered to do that, you don't get a reply. Like someone said, no response is a response. I'm also tired of the ones who still want to talk even though I have said no for whatever reason. It's time wasting, if I was on here looking for friends, then that would make sense. Nobody is owed anything. You message, you don't get a response. Move on with your life. The right one will message you and enjoy doing so! Don't worry about those who don't message you! |
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By *heelerMan 15 weeks ago
Northants |
"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
Snap had 2 in last 2 days might go for the hat trick tonight. |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation
Totally agree with you, simple reply doesn’t cost anything"
It's time consuming. |
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"I get that, but speaking to couples and women who have accounts here, they are absolutely inundated with messages.
I think at a certain point it becomes infeasible to reply to everyone - a block is a convenient way to say “sorry, not interested.”
Oh and also, I think there’s some guys for whom a “no thanks” reply doesn’t end the conversation - multiply that percentage by however many messages folks are getting, that’s a lot of extra work and they may have to block anyway.
"
Exactly! It's like when a business contacts me, they may have my details (from where, I don't know) but it doesn't entitle them to my time out of politeness. No, I immediately put the phone down. |
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"Some people get lots of messages a day op, then if they say no thanks, some get abusive and some say well why not etc.
It's easier to just block someone when they don't match your preferences or haven't read a profile.
I don't get loads of messages and use filters to keep mail low, but I do block certain types of profiles and messages.
If someone's read my profile and sent a nice message, I always respond even with a no thanks.
Just take a no reply/block as you weren't compatible. "
Me too. Anyone who has taken the time to read my profile will always get a reply. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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We sometimes get 100s of messages a day. Should we reply to them all? If you're respectful, put some effort in and have a good profile (dick pics is an instant no) then wel reply even if it's just a thankyou. Unfortunately 99% of messages are the opposite of that.
The reality is as a couple we will find you and message you if we want you.
My advice. Make a good profile. No dick pics and reads well and plenty of shots that allow us to get a clear idea of who you are even if you don't show your face. |
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I think people should try the various socials that happen in the community. A good way of getting to know people and become verified on the basis of your personality or looks or sexual prowess even.
I think messages can be a shot in the dark and that is totally fine. Just don’t go into messaging strangers with a sense of any entitlement.
As others have commented, this site is disproportionately weighted with single guys like me and I think it may become an issue if couples or single women just feel completely overwhelmed by the volume of communication let alone the quality of it (and I have heard some horror stories).
Caveat: I am not implying that the Original Poster does not know how to write the right kind of message (how would I know?) but just providing him and others my thoughts. |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
Block = not interested
Learn from it, deal with it and stop whining about not getting a response to the 299th message received of the day
The entitlement of some people on here astounds me
Learn that blocking means a swift no. You may not like it but it's an honest and upfront response.
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
We have.
When I tried to be polite and reply to everyone, it was all consuming. And people wanted me to change my mind and kept talking. Then they got angry when I said no.
I conducted a two week experiment a few years back. For one week I replied to all messages, even to say "you're not for me, but best of luck to you". For the second week, I only replied if I was interested.
The first week I got significantly more abuse. (And those people are forever able to get through my message filters unless I block them)
This is why I don't reply. |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation
We have.
When I tried to be polite and reply to everyone, it was all consuming. And people wanted me to change my mind and kept talking. Then they got angry when I said no.
I conducted a two week experiment a few years back. For one week I replied to all messages, even to say "you're not for me, but best of luck to you". For the second week, I only replied if I was interested.
The first week I got significantly more abuse. (And those people are forever able to get through my message filters unless I block them)
This is why I don't reply."
That's the part so many people don't seem to get when they complain about it. (that replying allows the recipient to bypass your filters) |
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By *bi HaiveMan 15 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
A block is efficient and send a clear 'not interested' message.
If someone replies 'no thanks' and doesn't block, because they've replied it means the sender can contact them again in the future even if they apply message filters that would otherwise block a certain gender.
That's the main reason why people do it.
That and because a short 'no thanks' wouldn't change the outcome. |
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I usually send at least a no thanks to anyone who manages more than a hey how are you.
Sometimes I get very angry messages back calling me a time wasting cunt for replying at all, why didn't I just block them if I wasn't fucking interested.
There's no winning on here.
But no-one owes you a response 💜 |
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"I think people should try the various socials that happen in the community. A good way of getting to know people and become verified on the basis of your personality or looks or sexual prowess even.
I think messages can be a shot in the dark and that is totally fine. Just don’t go into messaging strangers with a sense of any entitlement.
As others have commented, this site is disproportionately weighted with single guys like me and I think it may become an issue if couples or single women just feel completely overwhelmed by the volume of communication let alone the quality of it (and I have heard some horror stories).
Caveat: I am not implying that the Original Poster does not know how to write the right kind of message (how would I know?) but just providing him and others my thoughts."
Well said.
I'm genuinely not understanding this need for a response. However if this was a conversation about people who suddenly disappear after a good few correspondences, that would make sense, as it's confusing, baffling ect... I'm not bothered by someone not replying. As the saying goes, if they wanted to, they would! |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation
Fully agree mate hence my status "
The block isn't meant to be hurtful, it just stops people messaging again. |
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Problem we experience & the same for many most likely, we are specific in our profile as to our wants & desires, but clearly people don’t read it & as such we are not going to reply & will just block. If we wanted a one legged, hairy, 10” cock, heavy cummer, currently parked in a lay-by who likes knitting & bungee jumping then it would say that in our profile. |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
Read the site rules. A delete and a block is a reply. It means not interested. |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
I'd rather be blocked than get a pointless one word message. Also, no one owes you a reply. |
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"Problem we experience & the same for many most likely, we are specific in our profile as to our wants & desires, but clearly people don’t read it & as such we are not going to reply & will just block. If we wanted a one legged, hairy, 10” cock, heavy cummer, currently parked in a lay-by who likes knitting & bungee jumping then it would say that in our profile."
Hahahaha love this reply |
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By *ilkey69 OP Man 15 weeks ago
Barnsley |
Thanks everyone for their reply, see if yu can reply on here a no will do.
Funny how its all the couples that are saying negative things and checking out my profile,
Anyway buttercups, fluffypussy and the other funny comments i take what you have all said and hope you all have a great day  |
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By *hoirCouple 15 weeks ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
Have you ever looked at a single women's profile? Or the guidelines on here for that matter?
No response is a "no thank you"
I have a single women's profile, the last time I didn't check it for about 12 hrs I had 38 unread messages, bear in mind I emptied it before I logged off. That profile is also far from hugely popular, I know of women that get literally hundreds of messages a day.
Do you honestly expect someone to spend literally all day answering messages just because they want to say "no thank you"?
P |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
Because much of the time when you take the time to reply and explain why you do not wish to chat, you are inundated with more messages and questions with them trying to change your mind. |
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"Thanks everyone for their reply, see if yu can reply on here a no will do.
Funny how its all the couples that are saying negative things and checking out my profile,
Anyway buttercups, fluffypussy and the other funny comments i take what you have all said and hope you all have a great day "
Well, I see you're amenable to considering alternative points of view  |
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By *ilkey69 OP Man 15 weeks ago
Barnsley |
"Thanks everyone for their reply, see if yu can reply on here a no will do.
Funny how its all the couples that are saying negative things and checking out my profile,
Anyway buttercups, fluffypussy and the other funny comments i take what you have all said and hope you all have a great day
Well, I see you're amenable to considering alternative points of view "
Always |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation"
Yes the many I've sent out & not just a 1 sentence either, I took my time & wrote a whole paragraph
Then to get No reply. Just a bit disappointed but I know so many gets loads of mail, so cant reply to everyone. That's life . . . . . |
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"You send a polite message hope to get a reply and all you get is blocked.
Why cant people just send a one word reply, have we lost the art of conversation
Yes the many I've sent out & not just a 1 sentence either, I took my time & wrote a whole paragraph
Then to get No reply. Just a bit disappointed but I know so many gets loads of mail, so cant reply to everyone. That's life . . . . . "
People also have unrealistic targets.
We understand couples who might be in our wheelhouse of attraction and wouldn’t approach anyone we didn’t think we were comparable with. Men seem to pay this little attention. |
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By *oxy jWoman 15 weeks ago
somerset |
people are on here for their own agendas they know what they want and get it and are really not bothers about people who dont understand rejection .. those people never asked you to message them they owe you nothing ...not even a reply ... and the fact youve made a post and moaning will just get more and more people blocking you as not many like a whinger on this scene ... select reject its that str8 forward ... entitlement has no place on this scene |
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"A block is efficient and send a clear 'not interested' message.
If someone replies 'no thanks' and doesn't block, because they've replied it means the sender can contact them again in the future even if they apply message filters that would otherwise block a certain gender.
That's the main reason why people do it.
That and because a short 'no thanks' wouldn't change the outcome. "
^^ this 👍🏻 |
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"people are on here for their own agendas they know what they want and get it and are really not bothers about people who dont understand rejection .. those people never asked you to message them they owe you nothing ...not even a reply ... and the fact youve made a post and moaning will just get more and more people blocking you as not many like a whinger on this scene ... select reject its that str8 forward ... entitlement has no place on this scene "
Well said 👏 👏 👏 |
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"Thanks everyone for their reply, see if yu can reply on here a no will do.
Funny how its all the couples that are saying negative things and checking out my profile,
Anyway buttercups, fluffypussy and the other funny comments i take what you have all said and hope you all have a great day "
And of those checking you out did any message you?? |
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"Thanks everyone, funny how many can reply on here though haha
Yes, because it doesn't break a filter and people are less likely to be abusive in public.
Hope this helps."
Exactly, this isn't a private conversation where one person is interested in the other, but the feelings aren't reciprocated. Completely different scenario. It's funny how OP took the fact that there are replies here to completely support his theory that every message deserves a response, and also managed to ignore all of the advice given to him in said replies. |
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"Thanks everyone, funny how many can reply on here though haha
Yes, because it doesn't break a filter and people are less likely to be abusive in public.
Hope this helps.
Exactly, this isn't a private conversation where one person is interested in the other, but the feelings aren't reciprocated. Completely different scenario. It's funny how OP took the fact that there are replies here to completely support his theory that every message deserves a response, and also managed to ignore all of the advice given to him in said replies."
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"Thanks everyone, funny how many can reply on here though haha
Yes, because it doesn't break a filter and people are less likely to be abusive in public.
Hope this helps.
Exactly, this isn't a private conversation where one person is interested in the other, but the feelings aren't reciprocated. Completely different scenario. It's funny how OP took the fact that there are replies here to completely support his theory that every message deserves a response, and also managed to ignore all of the advice given to him in said replies."
Quite. Maybe something can be learned, if one doesn't tend to engage with what people say |
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This isn't 30 years ago where we all, for the most part, physically talked to each other.
This is now where anyone and everyone can be bombarded with mesaage spam amd ypure not obliged to acknowledge it.
In the case of Fab, no response is a response. They're not interested.
If you want polite interactions then clubs and socials are the place to go. Works for.me, could work for you too. |
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I think the other thing those with this particular gripe don't consider is how utterly fucking soul destroyingly joy draining it is to spend one's time on Fab doing nothing else but sending polite rejections. |
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"I think the other thing those with this particular gripe don't consider is how utterly fucking soul destroyingly joy draining it is to spend one's time on Fab doing nothing else but sending polite rejections."
If people who get inundated with mail aren't happy about it, why not log out? |
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"I think the other thing those with this particular gripe don't consider is how utterly fucking soul destroyingly joy draining it is to spend one's time on Fab doing nothing else but sending polite rejections.
If people who get inundated with mail aren't happy about it, why not log out?"
You missed the point |
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We reply to everyone out of politeness.
As long as they are polite enough to read our profile in full.
About 95% don't read the profile so we can only assume they are trawling.
If they can't be bothered reading a profile you can bet there will be plenty of other things they can't be bothered doing too.
Best a quick block to save buying in grief. |
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"We reply to everyone out of politeness.
As long as they are polite enough to read our profile in full.
About 95% don't read the profile so we can only assume they are trawling.
If they can't be bothered reading a profile you can bet there will be plenty of other things they can't be bothered doing too.
Best a quick block to save buying in grief. "
Yes to all of this. |
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By *ilkey69 OP Man 15 weeks ago
Barnsley |
"Thanks everyone for their reply, see if yu can reply on here a no will do.
Funny how its all the couples that are saying negative things and checking out my profile,
Anyway buttercups, fluffypussy and the other funny comments i take what you have all said and hope you all have a great day
And of those checking you out did any message you??"
No |
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"I think the other thing those with this particular gripe don't consider is how utterly fucking soul destroyingly joy draining it is to spend one's time on Fab doing nothing else but sending polite rejections.
If people who get inundated with mail aren't happy about it, why not log out?
You missed the point "
Apologies I hit send too soon by accident.
The point is people DO log out. Or go on the forums. Or reply to people they might be interested in. Or chat with connections already made to build on those. Anything other than spend their entire time sending polite rejections. Trust me, it sucks the life out of you. But the net result is the same... some messages will go unanswered.
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"I get that, but speaking to couples and women who have accounts here, they are absolutely inundated with messages.
I think at a certain point it becomes infeasible to reply to everyone - a block is a convenient way to say “sorry, not interested.”
Oh and also, I think there’s some guys for whom a “no thanks” reply doesn’t end the conversation - multiply that percentage by however many messages folks are getting, that’s a lot of extra work and they may have to block anyway.
"
this!!!
The amount of messages we get and we've always responded to even if it was a no thank you, to then get the same guys message us with why? Etc.. or worse insults even racist insults towards Isabel,the same person a few messages ago you were wanting to fuck!!
Now we don't open a lot of messages unless they stand out and when we do we still try and be polite but a lot are now deleted unfortunately.
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Does anyone ever consider that their ‘polite well-crafted opening message’ might just not be seen in the same light by the recipient? The entitlement of expecting a reply to anything and everything is just baffling. |
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"Does anyone ever consider that their ‘polite well-crafted opening message’ might just not be seen in the same light by the recipient? The entitlement of expecting a reply to anything and everything is just baffling. "
100% this. What one person considers heartfelt and lovely another might be entirely put off by. |
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