FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Please always say why you won't meet!
Please always say why you won't meet!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. would take too much time to reply to everyone, and most messages are lazy, unimaginative and undeserving of a good response. Most attempts to be polite and say no are met by more messages trying to persuade women to change their minds.
see any of the other countless threads on this topic for any reason i may have missed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think this would do more harm than good for some people. However if someone really wanted to know why and asked for some honesty then I would probably tell them nicely. |
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My name may say bitch but I do hold back and remain polite. Mostly.
Would you really want people saying (for example based on a random selection of messages received by me over the last month or so):
Because I saw you on crimewatch last week.
Because you express yourself with less finesse than a blindfolded monkey with an iPad.
Because you are obviously a mental if you think your figure is athletic.
Because I only kiss men with more than three teeth - preferably at least twenty.
Because your erect cock shot had to be choked purple to look the same length as my little finger.
Because a man who has taken 38 cock shots is obviously self obsessed and I don't believe I'd get any attention.
I can keep going?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We generally say that they're not my (Lynne's) type, but we had one guy message back and say well what is her type then, so Andy said well not you obviously!! We aren't usually rude to anyone, but wasn't really sure what else to say. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think this would do more harm than good for some people. However if someone really wanted to know why and asked for some honesty then I would probably tell them nicely. "
Really good answer that! Wish everyone said that!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"a lot of people on here can't deal with rejection, and could get pretty nasty if given honest reasons as to why they were being turned down"
??? what even if you ask for honesty??? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone "
That's no answer lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My name may say bitch but I do hold back and remain polite. Mostly.
Would you really want people saying (for example based on a random selection of messages received by me over the last month or so):
Because I saw you on crimewatch last week.
Because you express yourself with less finesse than a blindfolded monkey with an iPad.
Because you are obviously a mental if you think your figure is athletic.
Because I only kiss men with more than three teeth - preferably at least twenty.
Because your erect cock shot had to be choked purple to look the same length as my little finger.
Because a man who has taken 38 cock shots is obviously self obsessed and I don't believe I'd get any attention.
I can keep going? "
Like it!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?
why shud they?if sumone dont wanna meet u thts it!!"
OK then your left thinking why?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No need. If they dont want to meet and say no. I think we should respect that and leave it at that..
A lot of people have said no to me and i never ask them why it is a no. Its their discretion and you just accept it.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We generally say that they're not my (Lynne's) type, but we had one guy message back and say well what is her type then, so Andy said well not you obviously!! We aren't usually rude to anyone, but wasn't really sure what else to say."
Most people want honesty!  |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
You really want people to point out all the reasons out lol.
You would be knocked back so much and have part of you critiqued you would have no self esteem left.
A simple no is all that is needed.
Fruit x |
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"Lol you might be opening a huge can of worms there. Would it really make you feel better if someone was completely honest?
Yes  "
Think your on your own there mate!
Plus some of the weird reasons I have for thinking 'nope' to people that message me would seem odd x |
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Should it really matter? Someone may find you attractive whereas another person may not...
No point dwelling on it.. If you dont get answer, that should pretty tell you what you need to know anyway... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No need. If they dont want to meet and say no. I think we should respect that and leave it at that..
A lot of people have said no to me and i never ask them why it is a no. Its their discretion and you just accept it.
"
Yeah I get that but if there is no reason why??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No need. If they dont want to meet and say no. I think we should respect that and leave it at that..
A lot of people have said no to me and i never ask them why it is a no. Its their discretion and you just accept it.
Yeah I get that but if there is no reason why??? "
the reason obviously is they dont fancy u and thts it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No need. If they dont want to meet and say no. I think we should respect that and leave it at that..
A lot of people have said no to me and i never ask them why it is a no. Its their discretion and you just accept it.
Yeah I get that but if there is no reason why??? "
No reason is a reason in itself...need to just take it on the chin and pull your socks up
 |
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God, no!! Would I really want someone saying why not to me? - no - and neither would I want to say why to someone
'No' is enough - if asked to expand I may just about go as far as 'not my type' - but often that leads to 'but what is your type?' replies - or -'but I meet all the criteria in your profile, so why not?' Argh!!!! Why can't 'no' just be accepted for what it is?!  |
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There is absolutely no ambiguity as to the type of person I'm looking for. To add belt to the braces I've clearly stated those outwith what I'm looking for will not get a reply.
If people are unable to exclude themselves from my profile they're as thick as shit and nothing I say will filter through the fog of their brain...in my humble opinion of course! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No need. If they dont want to meet and say no. I think we should respect that and leave it at that..
A lot of people have said no to me and i never ask them why it is a no. Its their discretion and you just accept it.
With no pic, right age and body type?? explain that??
Yeah I get that but if there is no reason why???
the reason obviously is they dont fancy u and thts it!"
With no pic, right age and body type?? explain that?? |
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I just say no but thank you for asking. Can't always be bothered to explain why. It might be something as shallow as an untidy bathroom shelf in the background of a photo. It might be because I think the person is playing games and doesn't really want to meet. It might be because their message was unimaginative and boring which makes me think they are as well. Numerous and various reasons really. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone
That's no answer lol
its a perfectly good answer.  "
Its not when you exactly what they are looking for on their profile! |
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"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone
That's no answer lol
its a perfectly good answer. "
Yeah....don't want to meet....no reason necessary. Just because......  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone
That's no answer lol
its a perfectly good answer.
Its not when you exactly what they are looking for on their profile! "
yur obviosly not if they dont want to meet u!!!!!!! |
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"We generally say that they're not my (Lynne's) type, but we had one guy message back and say well what is her type then, so Andy said well not you obviously!! We aren't usually rude to anyone, but wasn't really sure what else to say.
Most people want honesty! "
nope not really because most and i mean most not all men think they are gods gift and if you tell them the honest answer they take great offence. best to just say no thanks not for us.
What people want and expect on this site is a bit of a giggle really.
If you get a know move on.. do you really want to hear that to them you are not attractive ! As each of us are to some after all.
The list goes on..
think the right answer was "because we dont want to" spot on with that one and you have no need to know what caused people not to want to. you wouldnt likely agree with their reasin anyway as no one usually does all try to argue the point.
Chill take a no and move on to the next..
Lifes too bloody short to stress about what isnt going to happy.. Forget it and have fun with ones that do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I meet you In a club, you ask if I'd like a drink.... I say no thank you, then you ask if I'd like to come back to yours, this time it's a simple no, you ask why.... I ask for you to be removed from my personal space by a bartender, bouncer ect..... On here it's the same except the bouncers been replaced with a block button... Deal with it, move on, spend more time looking for the 'yes' people than worrying about the no's |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't think people need to justyfi there reasons however just a polite no thanks is better than no reply at all
Lots of blokes on here compared to women/couples but I for one take effot in making contact and happily accept a polite reply above a no response |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone
That's no answer lol
its a perfectly good answer.
Its not when you exactly what they are
looking for on their profile! "
You may fit the age range and other search criteria to a tee but maybe they just dont fancy you or like the way you come across or maybe you like many others have possibly when told no thanks have then gone on to ask why not!.it comes across as childish and winging x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I generally always try to say why.... Lack of pics, rubbish profile, out of age range..... If nobody tells these guys how they ever gonna learn what we are looking for??? Always block straight after tho! Lol
Although after reading some of the posts on here starting to wonder if maybe I'm wrong!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
So you mail 100 people and 90 say derogatory things about you and your looks you are going to be real happy? I think not I think you might prefer no reply than a negative response! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. Why should we have to explain? If you chatted a girl up in a pub or club and she said no, would you demand an exclamation as to why? I think not, you'd just move on. So why don't you apply that to being on here? Your obviously not their cup of tea and rather than answer so not to offend or upset its much easier to delete. Sayin no and then gettin replies back demanding to know why or insults, sometimes really isn't worth the hassle.
Also, do you reply or explain the "why not" to every message you get? I think not !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
one of my biggest pet hates on here are people who message you back and ask why when you say you dont want to meet
A no should be enough, what does it matter why? do you feel you can somehow change their mind if you know what you have to work with by knowing what they dont like about you?
And remember sometimes the truth hurts, personally if someone didnt want to meet me id sooner then just give me a polite no than tell me im unattractive |
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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire Moorlands |
"No need. If they dont want to meet and say no. I think we should respect that and leave it at that..
A lot of people have said no to me and i never ask them why it is a no. Its their discretion and you just accept it.
Yeah I get that but if there is no reason why??? "
There is always a reason why, but it would take us ladies forever to get into a discussion with every guy that messages! I must get probably 40 or 50 a day and I know some ladies get more! I would get repetitive strain injury if I explained to every one why I choose not to meet them! |
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"I just say not my type. Then if they ask the incredibly stupid question 'what is your type' I block. "
Ah...but you could reply "the type that don't ask stupid questions like 'what is your type?' " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, i would quite like to hear honest reasons for rejection. i can take it, and if its something i can work on or improve, it would be good to hear.
However, to say that all should reply, or suggest you deserve this response is completely wrong. If people want to tell you, thats great. Just dont expect it, and dont pester anyone for a reason if they do reject you without saying why. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...and how would you know the 'excuse' is the truth anyway?
No thanks is enough."
I always tell the truth no single men and no travelling I have only said I won't one meet couple and we they did look rough usually we meet every couple for drinkers and we find that a load are wishing their wives were swappers lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
Sometimes the truth hurts, so best to just hear "no thanks" rather than a detailed explanation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We generally say that they're not my (Lynne's) type, but we had one guy message back and say well what is her type then, so Andy said well not you obviously!! We aren't usually rude to anyone, but wasn't really sure what else to say.
Most people want honesty! "
No they don't. Most people want others to say nice things about them! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone "
Oddly enough guys don't tend to like it when I tell them that after the 'why not' messages! I thought it was just common sense |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone
That's no answer lol
its a perfectly good answer.
Its not when you exactly what they are looking for on their profile! "
So because someone has a pulse and a cock and happens to be in the right age bracket that means they are what the person is looking for? Who cares about attraction so long as the stats are right?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Its not when you exactly what they are looking for on their profile! "
Just because you think you meet a short list of requirements does not mean that they will find you attractive...ultimately, the crux of it is do they want to fuck you...if they don't fancy you it doesn't matter one iota that you fulfil their age, body type and interests...
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"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone
That's no answer lol
its a perfectly good answer.
Its not when you exactly what they are looking for on their profile!
So because someone has a pulse and a cock and happens to be in the right age bracket that means they are what the person is looking for? Who cares about attraction so long as the stats are right?!"
They need a pulse?!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well the Reason for us is always the same. Because we don't want too. And ultimately I suspect that that's the same for everyone
That's no answer lol
its a perfectly good answer.
Its not when you exactly what they are looking for on their profile!
So because someone has a pulse and a cock and happens to be in the right age bracket that means they are what the person is looking for? Who cares about attraction so long as the stats are right?!
They need a pulse?!! "
What can I say...I have high standards! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
no , how do u tell somone they are dog ugly or just plain fat or what ever , cannot be done without offending |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think? no , how do u tell somone they are dog ugly or just plain fat or what ever , cannot be done without offending"
Precisely better to say nothing than damaging someone's self confidence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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plus cpls and single fems get loads and loads of messages were as most single guys be lucky to get handfull so its too time consuming 2 reply to every message time is not all about swinging people do have a life outside so a quick thxs but no thxs is enough side |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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plus cpls and single fems get loads and loads of messages were as most single guys be lucky to get handfull so its too time consuming 2 reply to every message time is not all about swinging people do have a life outside so a quick thxs but no thxs is enough side |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm well you didn't ask us, which is good as we are not looking for you anyway... BUT, your two line profile would need one hell of a great opening message to even reach the possibly pile, has no chance of getting to the maybe pile and would most probably be deleted without a reply.
There ya go a reason, hope it makes you feel better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
Definately not!
If someone was interested in our profile and fitted all criteria and then sent a face pic that looked like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle, would they appreciate us saying 'Sorry, but we think you have a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle!'? They would report us to admin for sending an 'offensive' message and we would get banned from the site. Remember, you are NOT allowed to express PERSONAL OPINION if that opinion may be interpreted by admin to cause offence. That's why we usually say 'Thank you for your interest, but on this occasion we have no interest in any further communication with regard to meeting'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op ur out on a limb here as noone else agrees..
Why would u want to know why someone doesn't fancy_? Do u expect everyone to be attracted to u or something? Will it change anything if they told u? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
We did it just the once....we asked did he want the truth, he did , so we gave it...he wasn't happy....so we never do it now.
I am not sure why anyone would need to know anyway, they just don't fancy you to have sex with, simple. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
It is a tough one - if somebody lives too far away or states he is married I find it relatively easy to give (that) reason.
I have in the past said things like "We are looking for different things" but that sometimes sparks off a further exchange where that person might say "So what are you looking for then" (and I really dont want to go into those specifics).
I never want to be horrible to anybody so I now just say "Thanks for mailing me but it is a polite "No, thanks" and do not get drawn into giving any reasons. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
sometimes "no thank you" can be the kindest thing a person can say without you even realising it.......
I think if people were to be brutally honest it would lead to unintended consequences, so something to the wrong person in the wrong mood and the consequences would be multiplied.... |
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
Imagine you are single woman or a couple. You get about 20 - 50 messages a day. Most of them are one line messages that says something like "Hi want 2 fk?", "U free tonight?", "Hi U" etc. Would you want spend ages replying to each one explaining why not? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally agree a no should be sufficient but some people just cant help themselves to add some smarmy comment why, amazingly these get all defensive when you pop a little dig back! We dont care why, wev got better things to do with our lives. The brits are some of the worst judgmental and arrogant swingers iv ever encountered! The dutch and French would laugh their heads off if they saw what went on here |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
You mean something like 'I don't like the look of you?' or 'You look like a thug so I will pass?'
Sometimes a polite 'no thank you' is kinder. |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
Mate
It's simply time with most women and couples. I thought it was rude at first, then a lady I met socially through here showed me the messages she gets a couple of times.
She'd need to employ a PA to send proper replies to them all. Plus the fact at least 20 of them a day were so stupid/rude that it made her almost loathe to look in the first place. Add I the time taken to reply to people she was in contact with already and wanted to exchange proper messages with.
Are you seriously expecting people to send 20/30/40 or more messages a day?
Since knowing her I completely get why people don't reply or given jet say "no thanks". I'd be the same (if only eh!). |
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personally a no thank you is enough for us .
if people took the time to read the profiles properly it might cut out some of this !!
we got messages from people whose own profile says they wont meet smokers , our profile states at least twice that we both smoke !!
obiviously thay havnt read it properly .
when we read someones profile we take it on face value .
ie if we are a year out of there criteria we dont message them
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mate
It's simply time with most women and couples. I thought it was rude at first, then a lady I met socially through here showed me the messages she gets a couple of times.
She'd need to employ a PA to send proper replies to them all. Plus the fact at least 20 of them a day were so stupid/rude that it made her almost loathe to look in the first place. Add I the time taken to reply to people she was in contact with already and wanted to exchange proper messages with.
Are you seriously expecting people to send 20/30/40 or more messages a day?
Since knowing her I completely get why people don't reply or given jet say "no thanks". I'd be the same (if only eh!)."
A perfect summary. No more need be said! |
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I'd never question a " no thank you" . Firstly, no means no, and secondly , you'd need an iron constitution to withstand " I think you're a minger " and my constitution is made from cotton wool ! Be nice - it costs nothing ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
I don't agree, sometimes its just best to accept that someone doesn't fancy you, they shouldn't have to say why as they may not even know themselves.
Some people click and some don't, we should all accept rejection with what little dignity we have left on here...lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd never question a " no thank you" . Firstly, no means no, and secondly , you'd need an iron constitution to withstand " I think you're a minger " and my constitution is made from cotton wool ! Be nice - it costs nothing ! "
Lol i would be quite curious actually |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I often do just annoying when they come back with a response, especially with the distance issue "
We get that alot it's always "I can travel" sorry but were not meeting someone who has to drive for four hours to meet us lol |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
I'm of two minds:
If I feel the person (or people, if a couple for example) are fundamentally making a mistake, or their approach is wrong then I'll tell them why: like the time I was approached by a "soft-swing only" couple. I'd appreciate the same so I can ensure am on the right side of the line.
But if its simply a chemistry/connection/preference thing then I don't think anyone needs insist on it. |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
"I often do just annoying when they come back with a response, especially with the distance issue
We get that alot it's always "I can travel" sorry but were not meeting someone who has to drive for four hours to meet us lol"
I like the ones that say (or keep saying) "Oh, I can't wait to meet you" however also say they can't travel (as over 100 miles away).. then you find out they've been travelling to meet someone local to you (ie ,within 5 miles) for the last year. Oh well... "Next!" |
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"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?"
We won't meet you because.......
...you're a tosser
...we've looked st your pics and you look minging
...too fat
...too ugly
...you appear to have the social skills of a dead aardvark
we could all be truthful and tell it as it is but why cause unecessary offence when a simple thanks but no thanks will do. |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
"I think people should always say why they won't meet you!
What does everyone else think?
We won't meet you because.......
...you're a tosser
...we've looked st your pics and you look minging
...too fat
...too ugly
...you appear to have the social skills of a dead aardvark
we could all be truthful and tell it as it is but why cause unecessary offence when a simple thanks but no thanks will do."
Lol .. but then again if I had to list some of the reasons I'd give to people, I'd probably be seen as the bad guy! |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"No need. If they dont want to meet and say no. I think we should respect that and leave it at that..
A lot of people have said no to me and i never ask them why it is a no. Its their discretion and you just accept it.
Yeah I get that but if there is no reason why??? "
Because I can't be f**king arsed to say no and why not to every dickhead who sends us a "hi........." Or a " do you want a fuck.." Or worse still is out of our age range and definitely didn't read our profile
Is that reason enough?
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