FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Not honest about safe sex. Should something be done?
Not honest about safe sex. Should something be done?
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Whilst we practice safe sex there is still always some level of risk when playing with other people. You have to have a certain level of trust and take them at their word. I have come across a few men on here who have selected the safe sex option. For those that don't know, there is a sister site called FabGuys for bi and gay men. The very same people have profiles on there and have selected the bareback option. I'm on both sites so know to avoid these people. Couples on here don't have that info and may be exposing themselves to a risk they are not prepared for. Should Fab take steps to out people whom I feel are being dishonest about their level of sexual safety? |
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Your definition of safe is not a definitive definition of safe .
When were you last tested
How often do you get tested
do you know your results
do you know your last partners results have you ever tested together at the same time as a partner.
Most can't answer that question and simply think a condom is safe yet do oral fingers kiss etc and never have been tested floating and rotating every STI on record.
Yet turn their nose up to two people who may have a definite answer AND negative test results spanning years because they test consistently and after every partner. |
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There are levels of risk with anything we do. I agree with you that only wearing a condom is not the answer to being completely safe but it is a level of protection. If you are meeting people for sex you are taking some form of risk. Wearing protection and getting tested are levels of safeness and preventing spread of disease. For your information I do get tested but that is not the point I am trying to make. It is about saying two different things on different sights and therefore being a higher risk to others than you pretend to be. |
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It would be impossible to monitor.
Responsibility for being safe is yours, not the site's.
Just because someone ticks safe sex, it doesn't mean that's what they choose to do exclusively (they may be prepared to do it, but play BB also - a bit like other categories, tickling anal doesn't mean that's all they do).
It's not a solution, as others may play BB away from Fab, but you wouldn't know.
What is safe sex? Its never 100% safe and we all have our on risk perception and threshold. Make your own choices.
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its very simple if you don't feel safe or you do not want to catch anything Do not Swing and just have sex with other partner than you wife.
Unless you play with a condom for oral as well you are as much risk to catch and give an STD to all the partners you play with.
it is your responsibility and noone else to get tested regularly, i get with a lot of men i get tested often (4 weeks).
Get vaccinated for the heppatitis variants, take prep for HIV. and tested for the rest.
Catching a STD/STI is not the end of the world and 99% of the time you will not have any symptoms and most people never know they have one because they do not get tested. |
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"What should or could be done OP?
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Just like suspicious profiles are flagged it should be the same for conflicting profiles. The sites are run by the same crowd and probably all kept in the same system. I'm not concerned about us here but other unsuspecting couples. I feel some individuals are being deceptive and lying about the level of risk they take. In the world of litigation and blaming someone else, could Fab be held responsible for knowinly allowing people to be deceptive? |
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"What should or could be done OP?
Just like suspicious profiles are flagged it should be the same for conflicting profiles. The sites are run by the same crowd and probably all kept in the same system. I'm not concerned about us here but other unsuspecting couples. I feel some individuals are being deceptive and lying about the level of risk they take. In the world of litigation and blaming someone else, could Fab be held responsible for knowinly allowing people to be deceptive? "
what make them suspicious  , and how do you decide or the site decide they are suspicious?
so more or less you want the site to flag people for potentially having a STD because they put bareback on their sister site as preference, would you be happy if they flagged your profile with something like this when you do not have a STD would love to see how you react to this. pretty much treated like leppers in the old day.
if you are not concerned for yourself why even raise the question, peoples are grown up on here and can make their own decision on to what they consider soafe or not.
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"I’d personally like to see this site have a bareback option so you can identify the people who will play both bare and with a condom. "
yes that would make sense no idea why they haven't got it.
saying that you would be surprised how many guys on fabguys put safe and do actually play bare again its just a tick in the box and doesn't mean much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, what would be the point? We're all adults, we are all in charge of making our own risk assessments on who we choose to meet. If someone is daft enough to take someone's word for something just because they say so. Then that's on their own head |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just assume that everybody lies...it's not just bi men who do...
I weigh up the overall balance if risk...look at verifications, get an idea of who they're also meeting and take whatever people say with a pinch of salt.
The only behaviour I have any control over is my own, so I take the steps I feel necessary to protect myself but am very aware that nothing is 100% safe...
I certainly don't think the site is responsible for policing every profile and lying about using condoms isn't a criminal act so what would be the possible liability/comeback?
People lie to get what they want...strangers may lie to strangers to get sex...that's pretty much the only thing I'm 100% certain of... |
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If you have rule everyone can and might lie. You then do what you need to do to look after your own health or decide what risks you take. Use condom if want reduce chances catching anything
I been on off swinging sites and mags before Web since 1995 ish
Sometime condons sometimes not but got and still get tested. Upto now been ok.
More than once when you new it's was going be regular meet both got tested.
As my old uni teacher said only things that 100% safe is leave it in trouser |
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"What I hate to see is when someone straight on fabswingers forums has a go and makes jokes at the expense of bi or gay men
Then has the same profile name and pics on fabguys
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Lol very true, many are straight here and many contact me not even looking for TV's on their profile.
the fact this thread also only imply bi-gay men have STD does infuriate me. women are as guilty as men.
EVERYBODY LIE IT'S A FACT, EVEN MORE WHEN IT COME TO SEX. |
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I've always presumed potential meets would talk about safe or BB before meeting? Well that's what I've always done anyway.. (I get tested often)
But I'm sure it's down the the individuals personal choice if to be safe or BB.
If I had said safe and they tried BB on the meet then I would just get up and leave,I'm sure it's that simple really.. and to just target bi & gay men is not very fair!! It's personal choice so don't think admin could police that one.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d personally like to see this site have a bareback option so you can identify the people who will play both bare and with a condom.
yes that would make sense no idea why they haven't got it.
saying that you would be surprised how many guys on fabguys put safe and do actually play bare again its just a tick in the box and doesn't mean much."
It's not a babysitting service. |
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Just having an option or interest ticked doesn't mean a universal engagement with it, including having ever tried it.
When having casual sex, you can only do at that time what you to do, based on your safety requirements and knowing that any sex offers risks and protection is not 190% cover for all infections and for all potential events of it. You can have to be prepared for pregnancy and acquisition and onwards transmission to others. You can be the partner that infects someone
If you don't understand this, it's best not to have casual sex.
Manage your own situation and learn all you can. Many have discussed having the bareback option on fab, like guys and might tick both that and safer sex options. It's about choice and your own choices at the time with your partners, plus responsibility for frequent testing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The whole concept of "safe sex" is and oxymoron and it should be relabelled as "using condoms during penetration".
Why is it people seem to forget the interest list is just that; a list of interests not a pre-flight checklist. It is perfectly valid for someone to be interested in using condoms for one meet and not using them on another. If both options were available to select they do not have to exclusively select one or the other. People select Anal and Watersports and Soft Swing and Same Room Swapping and Separate Room Swapping and whatever else all on the one profile. Just because they ticked the box does not mean they are going to do every one of those interests on every meet or with every play-partner. |
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"Whilst we practice safe sex there is still always some level of risk when playing with other people. You have to have a certain level of trust and take them at their word. I have come across a few men on here who have selected the safe sex option. For those that don't know, there is a sister site called FabGuys for bi and gay men. The very same people have profiles on there and have selected the bareback option. I'm on both sites so know to avoid these people. Couples on here don't have that info and may be exposing themselves to a risk they are not prepared for. Should Fab take steps to out people whom I feel are being dishonest about their level of sexual safety?"
OP in parts I agree with you. I will state clearly we are a bareback couple, we know the risks so do not need to told about them. We are 100% honest about how we play, it’s clear on our profile. We think being upfront about it is only fair to others, they can then decide if they want to explore things with us or not. However some are not comfortable to admit it on their profile as they get abuse, not just on forums, but private messages too. We have had some of them it does not bother us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The whole concept of "safe sex" is and oxymoron and it should be relabelled as "using condoms during penetration".
Why is it people seem to forget the interest list is just that; a list of interests not a pre-flight checklist. It is perfectly valid for someone to be interested in using condoms for one meet and not using them on another. If both options were available to select they do not have to exclusively select one or the other. People select Anal and Watersports and Soft Swing and Same Room Swapping and Separate Room Swapping and whatever else all on the one profile. Just because they ticked the box does not mean they are going to do every one of those interests on every meet or with every play-partner."
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Definately generated some discussion here and can see some people clearly have some strong views about the matter. Also aome valid questions raised. Every person on here is interested in the same thing in whatever form that takes. I guess the question I am asking is it acceptable for a person to say one thing but in practice actually be doing something else? |
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The problem is, it's just a option like anything else in the list. Someone ticking Safe Sex doesn't mean they exclusively play with condoms.
Just like ticking anal doesn't mean anal is guaranteed on a meet, just like not ticket oral doesn't mean a blow job may not happen.
There absolutely should be a bareback option on here so that people who want to be open and honest, can be, but I'm not sure it would make much difference to any level of safety.
Being tested is by far the most reliable method, even if you exclusively play safe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definately generated some discussion here and can see some people clearly have some strong views about the matter. Also aome valid questions raised. Every person on here is interested in the same thing in whatever form that takes. I guess the question I am asking is it acceptable for a person to say one thing but in practice actually be doing something else? "
Ethically? Perhaps not... But then again I don't tend to believe everything that complete strangers on the Internet tell me anyways  As others have said the responsibility lies solely with you to keep yourself as safe as you can. It is not anybody else's, especially the website |
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By *ebwizMan
over a year ago
Clevedon |
Hardly anyone tells the truth. So many guys on here with straight profiles, but anything but, so people that dont meet bi guys, you wouldn't know either way. It's up to your own intuition/discretion what to do or how you play. |
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"Hardly anyone tells the truth. So many guys on here with straight profiles, but anything but, so people that dont meet bi guys, you wouldn't know either way. It's up to your own intuition/discretion what to do or how you play. "
Sadly very true when it comes to a lot of guys on here (and sure plenty of women too) have a lot more respect for guys who are honest about their sexuality so we can all make our own decisions whether bare or safe rather than hiding the truth and potentially increasing any risks further. the honest ones are more likely to have a conscience and be more careful than those who sneak around |
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Should something be done?
Yes. Take responsibility for the specific sex you're having, which may mean that you could transmit infections both ways, irrespective of how you have sex. Get regular STI checkups and treatments, as needed.
You may be the source of another s problem, even if you are not on another site. It's wise to assume that anyone may have had bareback sex, before sex with you. But bareback isn't the only cause of infections. Don't scapepgoat others  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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John and Jane are married and bare with eachother. John is Bi.
Barry and Sally are married and bare with eachother. Barry is straight.
When they meet as a foursome they use condoms but think they are safe.
Sally and Jane share a double ended dildo, and both women give both men blowjobs.
Sally took it up bare up the arse from the postman a couple months back.
John tests positive for Chlamydia and rightly tells the others...
They all blame the Bi guy 
Even if YOU are monogamous, doesn't mean your partner is, and if their other partner doesn't play safe....
All you can do it do your best to protect yourself |
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