FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How open are you with your friends about your sex life? Especially keen to hear from men
How open are you with your friends about your sex life? Especially keen to hear from men
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By *aytie0 OP Woman
over a year ago
Seaham |
We often hear about ‘locker room banter’ and lad culture in media, guys sharing videos and stories with each other of conquests but often when I chat to men and bring up the idea of inviting one of their friends to join in etc they often clam up and say they don’t talk about sex with their friends or wouldn’t know how to bring it up which is fine but I kinda thought the typical man would be much more open to this kind of thing? I don’t mean anything bi I just mean having one of their friends watch or tag team?
I understand why women aren’t as open with each other cause of judgement but for men I just thought they’d joke about it and share. Not necessarily even doing group meets together but just general banter ane discussion but it does seem like a lot of men hide their sex life from their friends and being a swinger
Curious to hear men’s’ perspectives |
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You'll find that most men are very competitive with each other, especially within friendship groups. Alot of the time thats a test they don't want to know the answer too (although we all know its not a competition, its human nature)
Then on the other hand, in my experience, I would happily have banter with friends about sex but never about a scenario I wouldn't follow though with if the offer was too arise. If you are doing that then essentially it's a case of "all mouth no trousers"  |
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By *ttis669Man
over a year ago
Warrington |
So I chat about aspects of it and select previous encounters with a few of my friends, but not all of them.
It's an odd one, as far as I'm aware we have all done MMFF, but in a partner swap way, but they tend to skirt over them encounters.
I wouldnt discuss this side with most of them, mainly as ive seen how they keep secrets for others and wouldn't want anyone having the ability to out me by mistake after a few drinks or something. My feeling is that unless they're part of this lifestyle too, then it's a separate wolrd. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't have any hangups about my sex life at all, in fact most of my mates would tell me to shut up. I've had 3sums with mates and their partners so nothing is really off limits. |
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Most of my mates, for all their ‘bants’ are prudish. A few are definitely not vanilla, so I’ll discuss more with them because they’re not judgemental in any way.
I’ve stopped short of telling them that we swing - we like that it’s our dirty little secret  |
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Very. I used to be shy but when I actually got into the vibe of swinging I was like balls to it and now I tell them everything.
The look on their face when they realised I wasn't joking about pegging.
Now they are getting genuinely curious about the whole swinging scene. |
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Mainly keep it to myself. Give the odd detail like "im meeting someone later" which is actually i met someone on a swingers site an im going round hers to fuck her all night. If they ask about the meet just say it wasnt too bad etc.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well, i can talk about girls, sex, experiences. I've had a well amount of meets in the past as couple and they knew about it.
But. Never involved any of them for fun. Im really into mmf but i prefer with a stranger male.
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Never once had a conversation with a male friend about my sex life or theirs and never been part of any perceived locker room chat despite being in lots of locker rooms over the years.
I didn't have to avoid it. It just never existed. There was plenty of general banter but mostly non sex related and maybe the odd comment about guys having a wank.
No specifics were ever given.
I've no interest in discussing sex with anyone I'm not having sex with. |
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After my separation and divorce I started to experiment a bit more, and subsequently became more open about my sexuality and experiences with close friends. It's weird because so much was suppressed for years during my marriage, some of it only coming out a few years before we parted.
I don't have any 'blokey' friends, and have never taken part in 'typical' locker room banter, so I don't feel I have needed to navigate that path from heteronormativity to more open stuff. |
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"We often hear about ‘locker room banter’ and lad culture in media, guys sharing videos and stories with each other of conquests but often when I chat to men and bring up the idea of inviting one of their friends to join in etc they often clam up and say they don’t talk about sex with their friends or wouldn’t know how to bring it up which is fine but I kinda thought the typical man
would be much more open to this kind of thing? I don’t mean anything bi I just mean having one of their friends watch or tag team?
I understand why women aren’t as open with each other cause of judgement but for men I just thought they’d joke about it and share. Not necessarily even doing group meets together but just general banter ane discussion but it does seem like a lot of men hide their sex life from their friends and being a swinger
Curious to hear men’s’ perspectives "
I think times have changed years ago when I worked in the clubs as a barman or a bouncer you would hear hits chatting
Mostly bragging about they hot laid but not details just she was good and was better
But the ladies on the other hand after a couple of drinks would go into detail especially if they were in a relationship and the funny thing is they would say it was this big he lasted this long and I had to finish myself off yet on the saturday night when with their partner they would be all coy and shy and in love .
I think now dur to apps and not needing a man to provide for women. Women are more about their needs what they want and how they want it a good thing but let's be fair most women want the top 1% of gits and how average doesnt get a look in , so I thinks it's a woman's world not a mans |
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I am really open, always push the envelope in terms of what I share with friends but to be honest it’s true, a lot of men tend to clam up and almost get uncomfortable at the thought of being candid. If it’s veiled as banter maybe you get a bit more chat but not really, even the more open minded ones get funny.
Being in the lifestyle can be as isolating at times as it is liberating. It’s no surprise a lot of people have better friendships and deeper bonds with those they’ve met in their time swinging. Conversations are instantly deeper, less judgemental and more profound.
Only my experience though of course. MrB |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Can't say I've ever bragged about who I've met, slept with or gone into any detail about what I've gotten up to. There might have been some boasting when young but even then, that was basically a name drop and no real detail. I've had people talk about what they've done, are going to or try to act as if they're a performer and you can just see straight through it |
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My friends know almost every detail or they wouldn't be called a friend. I've shared guys with them we have shared partners together. And my guy friends know about others guys hell they have introduced me to guys based on knowing what I like and I've introduced them to my friends know what the want from a guy... |
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"My friends know almost every detail or they wouldn't be called a friend. I've shared guys with them we have shared partners together. And my guy friends know about others guys hell they have introduced me to guys based on knowing what I like and I've introduced them to my friends know what the want from a guy..."
I see why more and more people in the UK haven't experienced real sex outside of watching it through porn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no hang ups talking about experiences, fantasies, turn ons, kinks or sex in general with my mates and I'm pretty sure they're the same with me. However I'm not wanting to fuck people around them or watch then fuck etc. They're ny mates. We're not there to listen to each other's problems and we're not there to see each other's dicks. We're there to take the piss out of each other, go to footy with and have a beer with and that's basically it. However I have no issue fucking, getting filthy and having lots of fun when there's other blokes there who aren't my mates. |
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Personally I don’t talk much about my sex life or experiences. All of my friends are (seemingly) happily married and settled, I don’t think they’re interested in what I get up to. And I don’t feel tempted to tell them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a single guy with a good number of single pals and of course there's plenty chat about women in our nights out over beers .. but I'd never tell them of me being on here. Nobody knows this. I'm generally more reserved outwardly as a person and despite how modern many people these days profess to be, it's still to many others an embarrassing thing to be caught out on a site like this. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed at all, actually completely happy being on here and meeting women here, but I definitely do not want my friends knowing and it therefore becoming general knowledge .. no thanks. I'm just a more private guy than that. Best way in my book. |
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"Most of my mates, for all their ‘bants’ are prudish. A few are definitely not vanilla, so I’ll discuss more with them because they’re not judgemental in any way.
I’ve stopped short of telling them that we swing - we like that it’s our dirty little secret "
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"Most of my mates, for all their ‘bants’ are prudish. A few are definitely not vanilla, so I’ll discuss more with them because they’re not judgemental in any way.
I’ve stopped short of telling them that we swing - we like that it’s our dirty little secret "
This but I would never reveal we are swingers
It’s our secret life x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I keep my fab (and any guy play) away from people in my normal life, with the exception of one who i used to know as she had previously swung so was mutual secret. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't discuss our sex life with anybody and my mates don't chat about theirs either. We are all blokie blokes, drinks, sport, tradesmen. It's a misconception that we do. Penny on the other hand leaves nothing to the imagination with her friends. |
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My wife returned from a world night out and told me that a workmate had told the group that another colleague had sucked the taxi driver off to get a free ride home on their previous works do!
Why would you reveal such a thing? |
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None of my mates know about this side to me and I have no intention of that changing. Unfortunately society not quite ready to accept the swinging world as normal and acceptable which is just ridiculous. For me personally I won't play near another man even with my partner, just not for me. |
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I don't do it at all. I find it tends to come across as disrespectful to women. Blokes bigging themselves up in that way also doesn't impress me one bit. (Go do stuff that genuinely makes you feel good about yourselves fellas) What I do in the bedroom stays there. I respect the guys who quietly make things happen and don't need to brag. Not a fan of misogyny by any means. |
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By *ndiiiMan 34 weeks ago
Paisley Scotland |
"Mainly keep it to myself. Give the odd detail like "im meeting someone later" which is actually i met someone on a swingers site an im going round hers to fuck her all night. If they ask about the meet just say it wasnt too bad etc.
"
This |
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I have a group of male friends who have known each other for 20+ years and as a group I can’t remember us talking about sex lives especially long term partners. One or two of them have come to me privately for advice or with problems. I have 1 male friend who I tell about 70% of stuff to, he doesn’t know I’m living this life though! |
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By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
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"Always like to find out how open you all are"
I’ve played spot when we were younger it was all about bragging rights how many, what did you do , what was she like, was you shit 
As we’ve got older it’s completely different all the peacocking has stopped in the main, a few close mates know I’m on here but that’s it and I’ve recognised a few people I know and they’ve never mentioned anything.
I found out about this site through a mate didn’t realise how big of a community there was, a real eye opener for the good |
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Out of my friendship group, there are 3 of us in relationships/married/engaged and 3 that aren't. Between us "taken" guys we don't openly discuss it but will ask each other about certain things or if there's a "problem" per se and they want advice.
The other three are quite "open" about their (apparent) exploits. At least one definitely embellishes his accomplishments a lot more than the other two so we do think he BS a lot.
Find it interesting those who are single and in theory open to sleeping with whoever whenever feel the need to be most open and verbal about it whereas those of us who aren't don't speak much about it. Maybe because we all know we all have decent sex lives with our partners and don't need to impress anyone or go on the hunt for it? |
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"We often hear about ‘locker room banter’ and lad culture in media, guys sharing videos and stories with each other of conquests but often when I chat to men and bring up the idea of inviting one of their friends to join in etc they often clam up and say they don’t talk about sex with their friends or wouldn’t know how to bring it up which is fine but I kinda thought the typical man would be much more open to this kind of thing? I don’t mean anything bi I just mean having one of their friends watch or tag team?
I understand why women aren’t as open with each other cause of judgement but for men I just thought they’d joke about it and share. Not necessarily even doing group meets together but just general banter ane discussion but it does seem like a lot of men hide their sex life from their friends and being a swinger
Curious to hear men’s’ perspectives "
We don’t brag or boast. |
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I Dont mention it at all... They know I used to like chatting women up on nights out and have an eye for the ladies but now I have found this scene I keep it seperate. Couldn't be arsed with the explaining of how it works either haha |
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"A real gentleman never tells"
Pretty much this.
If my mates want to talk aboit their sex life, I'm not going to stop them, but no, plenty other other things to talk about.
Guys don't normally compare vag sizes of their partners... |
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By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
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I have been enjoying fab life for a very long time. I have learnt that it is better to keep fab life seperate from real life simply because the muggles just don't get it.
The unenlightened population who cannot separate sex and sexuality from love and loyalty really struggle to understand the concept of recreational sex.
The ex wife had a horrible habit of wanting to show off her "conquests" to her Muggle friends. This obviously outed me in the same instance regardless of wether or not I was happy about that fact. It would make husbands insecure and give an impression of myself being some sort of predator. All very cringe with a couple of occasions where egos have to be deflated when they realise they haven't been selected for recruitment.
The few people I have in the inner circle these days know all about fab life and my sexuality but I'm so old I just don't care who knows any more. What a gossip doesn't know they will just make up to tittilate their vicious little rumour anyway. |
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We are both generally private about our sex life.. but we each have a best friend with whom we do share our experiences in the lifestyle, and the sexual nature of our marriage. We’ve discussed and both have agreed that If ever we were to be ‘called out’, or confronted directly (assuming this nosy person were a friend), we can respond in honest and modest terms..classy, brief, albeit very general…
After all, we find the inherent secrecy immensely arousing, erotic and seductive. There is a certain thrill to being outwardly and socially proper, only to feed the darkest sexual appetites behind closed doors…so erotic.. |
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By *r_PinkMan 34 weeks ago
london stratford |
Most of my real friends know I swing and love fetish clubs and all that goes with them.
Only a few do not, but thats more to save their blushes.
I do NOT ever tell work friends though as I learnt the hard way that you can be ostracized at work if those "dirty little secrets" come out!
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By (user no longer on site) 34 weeks ago
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"We often hear about ‘locker room banter’ and lad culture in media, guys sharing videos and stories with each other of conquests but often when I chat to men and bring up the idea of inviting one of their friends to join in etc they often clam up and say they don’t talk about sex with their friends or wouldn’t know how to bring it up which is fine but I kinda thought the typical man would be much more open to this kind of thing? I don’t mean anything bi I just mean having one of their friends watch or tag team?
I understand why women aren’t as open with each other cause of judgement but for men I just thought they’d joke about it and share. Not necessarily even doing group meets together but just general banter ane discussion but it does seem like a lot of men hide their sex life from their friends and being a swinger
Curious to hear men’s’ perspectives "
From my experience, women talk to their close female friends about everything in detail.
Generally men don’t discuss what happens in the bedroom.
Personally, I don’t talk either. Very discreet. And respectful.
But I do know of one group of guys who would discuss everything in detail. And they would then decide among themselves which women they would take home after the weekend clubbing. So it was same bunch of guys sleeping with nearly the same set of women. Needless to say, once the individuals became parents, lots of problems and issues.
Then there was another group, just as you said, bragging about their conquests with lots of embellishments. But very possessive, no passing her around. |
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"We often hear about ‘locker room banter’ and lad culture in media, guys sharing videos and stories with each other of conquests but often when I chat to men and bring up the idea of inviting one of their friends to join in etc they often clam up and say they don’t talk about sex with their friends or wouldn’t know how to bring it up which is fine but I kinda thought the typical man would be much more open to this kind of thing? I don’t mean anything bi I just mean having one of their friends watch or tag team?
I understand why women aren’t as open with each other cause of judgement but for men I just thought they’d joke about it and share. Not necessarily even doing group meets together but just general banter ane discussion but it does seem like a lot of men hide their sex life from their friends and being a swinger
Curious to hear men’s’ perspectives "
Yeah to be honest I don’t talk about my sex life with any of my friends and they definitely don’t know I swing. I really want to know about theirs ever unless they have a problem. I sure some do chat about conquests and share pics or vids they have.
I did have an acquaintance come up to on a night out and start talking to me about my sex life with my then girlfriend and things that my girlfriend had said to this acquaintance as they was more the then girlfriend, friend. I think in that instance, what annoyed me was that they thought it was ok to come up to me and uninvitedly start talking to me about something private and they’re not apart of. Just because the then girlfriend shared private stuff with a friend, that doesn’t suddenly make them part of that private life, certainly doesn’t mean I want to chat about our sex lives with them.
I guess inviting a friend to join though is always going to be a bit trickier in a lot of instances, regardless of gender.
A stranger from fab is a lot easier to handle than the guy you both said would be each other best man at your wedding as example. Think for a lot of people it might feel too close to home, depending on if dating/ relationship or just hook ups through fabs. Have or would you ever invite one of your female friends to join you both if a man asked? x
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I think this may mostly be younger guys trying to impress their mates. Personally I don’t talk about my sex life with my friends and none of them do with me. My sex life is my personal business and to brag about it would be disrespectful to whoever else was involved.
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By *batMan 33 weeks ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
I've told a close friend in very anonymised terms about some of my previous adventures as he's been in similar situations.
There's no way I would tell him enough detail to work out who the other people were though. If I choose to talk about me, that's one thing, but I don't have the right to out other people as swingers. That's their choice.
I also tell sexual partners the same, also anonymised.
Gbat |
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Personally I think there's a common misconception about 'Lads chatting about their 'conquests' '. I've rarely head this over the years and nost of the guys I've heard do so since my early twenties have been pretty much looked down on by the others present. Either the guy doing the bragging hasn't been believed, or they've been considered a bit of a scumbag by divulging details. Either way it's a lose for the one doing the talking.
I don't discuss my sex life with others at all. It's disrespectful to any woman I'm fortunate enough to spend quality time with. If she was worth my attentions in the bedroom, she's worthy of my absolute respect and discretion after too. |
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Yeah during college and uni days where it was casual hookups. Young free and hooking up.
But now older, don’t talk about sex with any friends even ones that are single and hooking up or me on here. Private and not relevant more things in life to talk about with friends. |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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Within the "community" I guess we'd be far more open. Outside of this, it's a rare thing to discuss tag teaming up. You're inviting the other to be scrutinised forever more. It'll change friendship dynamics.
It's different if you're bragging about 1 on 1 meets where it's your word alone that matters.
There is one way to make amends. The female initiates the moves on both guys. |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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What media portrays and what reality is don't always align, media also doesn't tend to fpcus on the norm either.
It's been a long time since hubby spoke about conquests with mates. Maybe early 20s before he grew out of it. Maybe that's it? It's a younger person thing?
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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To add, one big concern, for hubby at least, is his friends aren't single themselves. That could be another reason as it would be in poor taste to screw up a mates blossomimg relationship by convincing him to sandwich bang some bird hes met. |
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After I got divorced and came to swinging scene I shared a bit of experience with my very close mates. I got no understanding and a bit of judgements. It was a huge surprise to me and since then I leave this part of my life separate to friendship. Who would have guessed that  |
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"We often hear about ‘locker room banter’ and lad culture in media, guys sharing videos and stories with each other of conquests but often when I chat to men and bring up the idea of inviting one of their friends to join in etc they often clam up and say they don’t talk about sex with their friends or wouldn’t know how to bring it up which is fine but I kinda thought the typical man would be much more open to this kind of thing? I don’t mean anything bi I just mean having one of their friends watch or tag team?
I understand why women aren’t as open with each other cause of judgement but for men I just thought they’d joke about it and share. Not necessarily even doing group meets together but just general banter ane discussion but it does seem like a lot of men hide their sex life from their friends and being a swinger
Curious to hear men’s’ perspectives "
Absolutely not. One of Cherry's friends knows but she's a swinger too lol. For me Tony we keep this other life completely separate from 'vanilla' friends, neighbours and of course family. I'd never share our secret with a friend unless it seemed we had a lot in common and could totally trust him/them (with a view to swinging with him/them). We know how weird, judgemental, disrespectful, unable to understand, untrustworthy and childish most folk can be |
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I know that in my younger days I would talk about it with my mates but realistically it was probably bragging because they hadn’t got a GF. Once in my 20’s I never mention it as it’s personal to me and whoever I’m with. |
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