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Swingers playing alone - is there anything wrong with it?
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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago
stoke on trent |
Hi all.
OK here's a discussion we personally never had before in public.
When we started swinging a couple years ago we started by only playing same room - from our very first encounter we were full swap swingers after 27 yrs of being faithful monogamous type. It took is 2 yrs in the discussion to get there, but once we took the plunge we went full swap, not that there is anything wrong with soft swing either as we've done that too since and enjoyed it... but originally our rules were full swap same room, and we very quickly discovered just how much we love group sex and we still do.
Then after about 6 months we started to try sep room and found we love that too - it is such a more intimate experience than same room.
After about another year we progressed to trying solo meets - once we had agreed we were both happy with the idea J said R should be the first to try it but funny enough it ended up being the opposite way round.
Solo meets we have found to be extremely intense experiences and we also get off big time ourselves afterwards just by talking about what happened and it always ends up in a passionate shag second to none.
Also as a point of example, if J is doing a Solo meet then R gets a massive buzz out of choosing very sexy clothes for her to wear.
Yet it seems most couples on this scene would disagree about the solo meet thing, as though we are doing something wrong or 'not strictly speaking swinging'.
Yet we feel, having met very young and being together for nearly 30 yrs and married (to each other lol) for most of those, that we know exactly what it takes to keep a steady stable relationship, and playing alone can be part of that.
So yes we love group sex, no one needs to convince us of those pleasures, we both love to see each other being fucked by someone else, and we love to play with each other as well as others at the same time.
We also love to go sep room for a more 1-on-1 experience and we love to meet solo if the mood takes us.
So are we just more openly minded swingers than is the 'norm' maybe or are we just plain weird?
xxxx
J&R |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As you can see from my profile, I am playing without my wife mid week and I know she is out playing too.
We too started from 3somes & 4somes together, to playing on our own.
We found as long as we keep talking to each other and letting each other know exactly what we are up, how we are feeling then it works great for us.
The best thing about working away is looking forward to going home at the weekend. I always try to get away early so we can spend a few hours together in bed before our daughter gets home from school. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What you are doing is not wrong, and if anyone says you are then they themselves are wrong.
What you are doing works for you but for lots of folk it is simply too extreme. The level of trust you have in each other should be the envy of everyone who posts in here but I suspect it wont be and the ability to understand what you guys are into will be beyond some.
We have also been together for 30 years but I have only recently graduated to the comfort zone of enjoying watching Mrs Two2 have fun with single guys, and I am not sure I will ever be ready for what you guys do.
You are no more open minded or weird than any other swingers in that you are doing exactly what you want to do, which is what all of us are doing in this lifestyle  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i say hats off to ya both R n J for being wed that long.... and personally i think its brill what yr doing,,,, im no longer single, and now have a gorgeous sexy fella... we are playing as a cpl and we have both agreed to still play alone ( not very often i might ad) but we have discussed it sooo much, its what we both want. As long as we tell each other everything... i say its all about trust.... No trust = No point, its doomed ...
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
So are we just more openly minded swingers than is the 'norm' maybe or are we just plain weird?
xxxx
J&R"
No I dont think you are either.
I don't think we are less open minded than you guys because we don't do solo meets, its just we wouldn't enjoy them, its not what we are looking for.
I also don't think you are weird. It's just what works for you both, I wouldn't judge either way.
kate x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i say hats off to ya both R n J for being wed that long.... and personally i think its brill what yr doing,,,, im no longer single, and now have a gorgeous sexy fella... we are playing as a cpl and we have both agreed to still play alone ( not very often i might ad) but we have discussed it sooo much, its what we both want. As long as we tell each other everything... i say its all about trust.... No trust = No point, its doomed ...
xx"
Cant get my head round that I must admit but, as previously posted, if it works for fair play to you both |
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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago
stoke on trent |
Hey guys thanks for all the nice comments! Really we hoped to spark some lively debate. There are some comments on the "single girl on a couples profile" thread we we kinda hijacked that are more relevant to this one.
One comment was "many swingers would not even play with a guy (or girl presumably) playing alone who has full consent of their partner" or something like that
discuss.
xxxxx
J&R
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"Hey guys thanks for all the nice comments! Really we hoped to spark some lively debate. There are some comments on the "single girl on a couples profile" thread we we kinda hijacked that are more relevant to this one.
One comment was "many swingers would not even play with a guy (or girl presumably) playing alone who has full consent of their partner" or something like that
discuss.
xxxxx
J&R
"
That was me, as you well know.
To US, playing solo is nothing more than cheating.
To US, as a couple, we swing together and don't understand the need to swing alone.
To US, how do you know that the 'solo' truely does have the permission of their partner?
To US, problems can occur in any relationship at any stage and we've seen, first hand, the type of destruction couples playing as singles can cause.
To US, we won't and have never entertained any part of a couple playing solo.
Thats OUR choice. OUR decision. OUR rules.
I have no problems with those that swing alone providing they have their partners permission.........
WE just don't want any part of it.
**WE get off on seeing each other enjoy ourselves, not sitting at home, wondering if the other is having a good time, then wanking ourselves stupid over the tales of what the other did**
BUT......... thats US.
R&J........ you do what feels right for you, as should everyone but it's not everyone's cup of tea. |
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i do agree about it being personal choice , but i dont agree its cheating if its being done in an open and communicative manner, that suits both halves of the couple.
I think its also important that the person they are playing with is aware too, so that they can make their own informed decision.
to me its only cheating if the other person is unaware of that their other half is doing.
x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I (wayne) would have no problem if Coll wanted to play alone occasionally, I would enjoy the tales she has to tell me when she gets back.
It's not for everyone of course, just like swinging.
W  |
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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago
stoke on trent |
"That was me, as you well know.
"
Of course we know it was you maddie! Who better to have in a lively debate than yourself dear xx
We just thought it better not to hijack the other thread more than we already had.
Sooooo.... how can consentually playing solo be construed as cheating?
If that is what it is, then who is the cheat and who is being cheated on?
Of course the third party that you are meeting this way need to know the situation otherwise could it be argued that *they* are being cheated?
We have a couples profile, we don't even mention playing solo on it as it's not something we actively seek in a way, it's just something we have done a few times over the last 6 months and generally (but not always) with a member of another couple we already met together.
It's something we have done with other singles (or members of other couples) and will do again no doubt when the situation arises and it takes our fancy
xxx
J&R
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That was me, as you well know.
Of course we know it was you maddie! Who better to have in a lively debate than yourself dear xx
We just thought it better not to hijack the other thread more than we already had.
Sooooo.... how can consentually playing solo be construed as cheating?
If that is what it is, then who is the cheat and who is being cheated on?
Of course the third party that you are meeting this way need to know the situation otherwise could it be argued that *they* are being cheated?
We have a couples profile, we don't even mention playing solo on it as it's not something we actively seek in a way, it's just something we have done a few times over the last 6 months and generally (but not always) with a member of another couple we already met together.
It's something we have done with other singles (or members of other couples) and will do again no doubt when the situation arises and it takes our fancy
xxx
J&R
"
I guess it's how people feel, if someone sat at home feeling uncomfortable or even slightly jealous, then that could be perceived as cheating, as in, if a partner was to go ahead with a singles meet knowing their partner is not too keen but accepting or not caring if ones partner is concerned then that could be considered cheating.
There is a separate discussion on females feeling they have to act Bi for their partner, so in a similar situation, this would be cheating, of course not at all if both partners get a kick from it.
All comes down to what we deem acceptable.
W |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
I would struggle to justify swinging alone.
To us, and I must stress this is our opinion, if you swinging and you are in a relationship, then you swing together.
Maybe it's because I met Jason at a swinging club and since then, we've done it together.
I feel no need to swing solo, to MY mind that would be no better than having an affair.
But....... that is to MY mind.
I don't condem any couple who swing as solo's and then get off on telling each other about it, thats totally up to them and kudo's to them I say, it takes a huge amount of trust to do that.
However, it isn't everyone's cup off tea. I can remember the stories of keys in bowls and suburbia wife swapping and I presume that it's bene ingrained into my mind that swinging is a couples past time.
Part of the trouble I am sure is that I've seen the swinging solo from the other side. I've seen marriages destroyed because of it. I've seen married women stalked by a single bloke they have played with and I've seen married men stalked by other women. I've been shoved into the position of going to a party as a couple and ending up as a spare wheel because the woman involved played solo and expected Jason to shag her, and only her, in a separate room while I made polite conversation with her impotent husband.
Swinging is about truth and honesty and as long as ALL parties are happy with the situation and it can be proved that the partner knows of the solo swinging, then I see no harm in it........... if it suits.
It just doesn't suit all!
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"
However, it isn't everyone's cup off tea. I can remember the stories of keys in bowls and suburbia wife swapping and I presume that it's bene ingrained into my mind that swinging is a couples past time.
It just doesn't suit all!
"
no but it doesnt suit all but liberalised swinging was way before the car key scenario..its there since humans appeared on earth ...but bring it fwd what about the hippy culture late 50 early 60s ....free love ...isnt that swinging singles -couples -orgies
put a flower in the hair and do what you want ....LOL |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
I think, whatever you both decide to do involving swinging is up to you both.
I don't think you are weird or any more open minded as the many people on this site.
For us though, we wouldn't play with one half of a couple, we have heard of too many horror stories to chance that.
I don't think it is cheating if both partners know AND are happy about it and not doing it to please the other half.
If you both get enjoyment out of it, then there isn't a problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We agree with most others on the thread.As long as your both being honest with each other and everyone concerned,theres no problem.
Its when dishonesty comes into it that its wrong.It can't be cheating if your both happy about it.Its only cheating when one of you doesn't know or agree to it.
Trace & Ric
XXXX |
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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago
south staffs |
Hello RichandJudy
I must agree with you - and you put it very well.
We swing as a couple, and I (Jane) swing solo also.
Tarzan is not interested in going out meeting women or couples on his own, as his interest is playing with me. I go out and meet single guys - who are all aware that I am part of a couple, and that we prefer to swing together, given the chance - and sometimes I am lucky to find a really good guy, who is then invited for a 3some. We have a number of great friends who all started this way.
We also have our 30th wedding anniversary this year, and this arrangement has worked very well for us all these years.
Trust and honesty is the only foundation for any relationship, and there can be no room for jealousy and insecurity in a swinging relationship.
(When I see a profile saying that this couple is new to the scene and will only meet couples and single WOMEN I always wonder : why is a woman less threatening than a man, and who in that relationship is the insecure one ???)
R&J - enjoy x x
Jane x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello RichandJudy
I must agree with you - and you put it very well.
We swing as a couple, and I (Jane) swing solo also.
Tarzan is not interested in going out meeting women or couples on his own, as his interest is playing with me. I go out and meet single guys - who are all aware that I am part of a couple, and that we prefer to swing together, given the chance - and sometimes I am lucky to find a really good guy, who is then invited for a 3some. We have a number of great friends who all started this way.
We also have our 30th wedding anniversary this year, and this arrangement has worked very well for us all these years.
Trust and honesty is the only foundation for any relationship, and there can be no room for jealousy and insecurity in a swinging relationship.
(When I see a profile saying that this couple is new to the scene and will only meet couples and single WOMEN I always wonder : why is a woman less threatening than a man, and who in that relationship is the insecure one ???)
R&J - enjoy x x
Jane x"
Does it have to mean that either of them are insecure? We only meet couples and women not because my partner is insecure but because neither of us have any interest in having just a male join us, sexually I know it wouldnt do anything for me.
kate x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
(When I see a profile saying that this couple is new to the scene and will only meet couples and single WOMEN I always wonder : why is a woman less threatening than a man, and who in that relationship is the insecure one ???)
R&J - enjoy x x
Jane x"
Doesn't mean they are insecure, we prefer to meet Bi Females and Couples with Bi females because Coll is very Bi, loves the ladies, more than the men to be honest, though she does like a hard penis, lol.
SO people may not see a male as a threat, just simply looking for females, and with all due respect, there are plenty of males around, so maybe like us they are in touch with a good few and so hope to avoid many messages by stating they are not looking for single males.
W |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
as most others have said.. I don't seen any problem with it as long you are both confortable with how you are doing it... not everyone is the same and that is the beauty with life and swinging....and it is all consensual
the only thing for me is that if i am playing with one half of a couple without the other half being there, then for my own piece of mind i have a conversation with the other half just so i know that they are more than happy with it....
the last thing I want to be part of is someone doing something behind peoples back..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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everybodies here for their own reasons, we meet alone, infact id say we mainly meet as singles tho we do go to clubs and parties together sometimes, its what works for you there no right and wrong about it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"everybodies here for their own reasons, we meet alone, infact id say we mainly meet as singles tho we do go to clubs and parties together sometimes, its what works for you there no right and wrong about it"
I second that - we enjoy ourselves in exactly the same way and we are both very happy with our choice. |
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By *uicyJoWoman
over a year ago
northampton |
Both my partner and I meet solo, and did from right from the start...we just felt more comfortable that way but are lucky enough after 14 years together to trust each other without question. I know this arrangement is not for all and I completely respect that - we also meet people together and have been fortunate enough to make some amazing friends. We are not cheating when we meet seperately, I know there are some that lie about having permission from their partners to meet independently but this is easy enough to check out especially if you ask them to get their partners to verify...perhaps this is easier than just ruleing people out xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we first started swinging we simply liked cam fun .... that was about three years ago and we have moved on from there quite a bit lol .... but one thing has remained constant and that is we do this together. I wouldn't dream of saying someone else is wrong because they do things differently and wouldn't expect anyone to say that of us either. We just enjoy intimacy with others and watching each other enjoy that is all part of the fun for us ... I think, and again this is just our personal preference, that if one of us wanted to start going it alone then that would be the day to hang up our swinging boots, but hey it's horses for courses and if whatever you do sits comfortably with you then enjoy xxx |
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