FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Emotional attachment
Emotional attachment
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is my thing with this site. Not done much of this before or been on sites like this but I am a firm believer that once you start having sex with someone more than a few times emmotions become involved for one person or both.
Sods law I guess! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only emotional attachment I have ever felt for a meet in the thirty years I've been on the scene was for Fmuma and to be honest I was gobsmacked
Before her I'd had two long term swinging relationships but they were both vanillas when I met them
I converted both lol
I did have two incidents though when swinging as a couple with my last partner
When the lady from the other couples we saw regularly developed feelings for me
That was the time when we cooled it with both couples and since then I've made the conscious decision not to see meets so regularly xx  |
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"Have any of you who are in relationships, either playing together or separately, been affected by getting emotionally involved with a swinging partner? How common is it & how do you avoid it?  "
i care about the friends i meet here, but i suppose because i am with my soul mate i dont worry about romantically falling for someone.
i do believe there are many forms of love tho, i have strong feelings for Sir, different to the ones to those i have for kev
i do not see emotions as being a problem, confusing want and need and possessiveness are the problem,
swinging does not mean being cold...it means being free and allowing others to be. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Once upon a time I met a guy on another swinging site and we got on really well. Loads in common, spent a few weekends together, that sort of thing. I realised I was falling for him and I suspect when I was squiffy I told him so but I'm not sure.
I had a very good female freind who I'd recommended the site to and they arranged to meet too. All above board, i was perfectly aware but not too happy about it, but what can you do? Anyway, long story short they are now married with a daughter! It hurt a lot, and after that I realised that sort of thing was never going to happen to me. So now I don't meet people more than once if I can possibly help it. I do have FB but we only have sex in common. If we got together I'd probably brain him with a frying pan after a day!
So my only advice is either not to meet guys too often, or only meet the ones who you have nothing in common with. Safer all round. |
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Ah, seems like it's more common than I thought it would be; I guess approaching swinging with a degree of naivety doesn't help. The trouble is that even starting out with the intention of only having one-off meets, it's so hard to resist repeat meets if you really click with someone  It's hard to go back once that can of worms is open... |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Ah, seems like it's more common than I thought it would be; I guess approaching swinging with a degree of naivety doesn't help. The trouble is that even starting out with the intention of only having one-off meets, it's so hard to resist repeat meets if you really click with someone It's hard to go back once that can of worms is open..."
That depends though. If you like him, and he likes you, and everything else is rosy, I say go for it. My problem usually comes about because they don't like me as much as I like them. |
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"Dont ask me. Told myself id never fall in love again and i think im falling for my fb. What's to do? ;( (sorry i know, neither use nor ornament)"
Hope you're ok fakeblonde. Are you attached then? |
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"Ah, seems like it's more common than I thought it would be; I guess approaching swinging with a degree of naivety doesn't help. The trouble is that even starting out with the intention of only having one-off meets, it's so hard to resist repeat meets if you really click with someone It's hard to go back once that can of worms is open...
That depends though. If you like him, and he likes you, and everything else is rosy, I say go for it. My problem usually comes about because they don't like me as much as I like them. "
i agree...and i hate this idea that swingers are emotionless robots...it isnt wrong to like someone, just to decieve |
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"Dont ask me. Told myself id never fall in love again and i think im falling for my fb. What's to do? ;( (sorry i know, neither use nor ornament)"
talk to him...he may feel the same, if not he needs to know |
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"Ah, seems like it's more common than I thought it would be; I guess approaching swinging with a degree of naivety doesn't help. The trouble is that even starting out with the intention of only having one-off meets, it's so hard to resist repeat meets if you really click with someone It's hard to go back once that can of worms is open...
That depends though. If you like him, and he likes you, and everything else is rosy, I say go for it. My problem usually comes about because they don't like me as much as I like them. "
That would be fine except that I'm already in a relationship... |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Ah, seems like it's more common than I thought it would be; I guess approaching swinging with a degree of naivety doesn't help. The trouble is that even starting out with the intention of only having one-off meets, it's so hard to resist repeat meets if you really click with someone It's hard to go back once that can of worms is open...
That depends though. If you like him, and he likes you, and everything else is rosy, I say go for it. My problem usually comes about because they don't like me as much as I like them.
That would be fine except that I'm already in a relationship..."
There is that, yes. In which case time to curtail the meets I'm afraid. |
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"This is my thing with this site. Not done much of this before or been on sites like this but I am a firm believer that once you start having sex with someone more than a few times emmotions become involved for one person or both.
Sods law I guess!"
i hatr to get into what is a twue swinger...but as the scene gets more popular i think lots are getting into it who are less able to seperate sex and emotions...there a a few ppl i have sex with on a regular basis...its not the sex that ppl fall for but the person. |
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"Ah, seems like it's more common than I thought it would be; I guess approaching swinging with a degree of naivety doesn't help. The trouble is that even starting out with the intention of only having one-off meets, it's so hard to resist repeat meets if you really click with someone It's hard to go back once that can of worms is open...
That depends though. If you like him, and he likes you, and everything else is rosy, I say go for it. My problem usually comes about because they don't like me as much as I like them.
That would be fine except that I'm already in a relationship...
There is that, yes. In which case time to curtail the meets I'm afraid."
walk away...your relationship should be fulfilling those emotional needs, if its not try to work out why. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"its not the sex that ppl fall for but the person.
Eeeeexactly!
if anyone has a spare soulmate though let me know.
u can have kev on champions league nights...then i can watch some tele "
LOL its a deal. I hate footie. Save me some chips n dips though! |
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"its not the sex that ppl fall for but the person.
Eeeeexactly!
if anyone has a spare soulmate though let me know.
u can have kev on champions league nights...then i can watch some tele
LOL its a deal. I hate footie. Save me some chips n dips though!"
be really nice to me and i will let u in on our you want to watch footie you do the ironing deal |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"its not the sex that ppl fall for but the person.
Eeeeexactly!
if anyone has a spare soulmate though let me know.
u can have kev on champions league nights...then i can watch some tele
LOL its a deal. I hate footie. Save me some chips n dips though!
be really nice to me and i will let u in on our you want to watch footie you do the ironing deal"
I get invited to the BEST parties! 
|
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"Dont ask me. Told myself id never fall in love again and i think im falling for my fb. What's to do? ;( (sorry i know, neither use nor ornament)
Hope you're ok fakeblonde. Are you attached then? "
nope im not attached was for over twelve years kids blah blah but fell out of love. Still rips my guts now. That's why i dont wanna go down that rd again. Men hey? Pppfff |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive just a few days ago parted ways with my FB, we had been meeting regular for 16months, id become attached to him and he took advantage of how i felt
i feel foolish now, hurt and annoyed but hey ho, i'll live x |
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"Dont ask me. Told myself id never fall in love again and i think im falling for my fb. What's to do? ;( (sorry i know, neither use nor ornament)
talk to him...he may feel the same, if not he needs to know"
i know he feels something for me. But I've told him im cold and switched all that emotion shit off. He doesn't believe it like but think it keeps him guessing. God im whinging now. Ffs. Give your head a wobble debs |
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"This is my thing with this site. Not done much of this before or been on sites like this but I am a firm believer that once you start having sex with someone more than a few times emmotions become involved for one person or both.
Sods law I guess!
i hatr to get into what is a twue swinger...but as the scene gets more popular i think lots are getting into it who are less able to seperate sex and emotions...there a a few ppl i have sex with on a regular basis...its not the sex that ppl fall for but the person."
See that's the thing...I thought I was doing ok keeping the sex & emotion separate. If anything it was the guys who struggled with that part! To me it was the different, exciting new sex that was the addictive part but I suppose that gets clouded when you also enjoy that persons company. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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men are wankers, well most of us, i had an affair in my last relationship because my ex never made me feel wanted just worthless,i mistaked sex for emotion ,biggest mistake i ever made, now i just fuck without feeling because its too hard to let my feelings go again xx |
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"men are wankers, well most of us, i had an affair in my last relationship because my ex never made me feel wanted just worthless,i mistaked sex for emotion ,biggest mistake i ever made, now i just fuck without feeling because its too hard to let my feelings go again xx"
hugs x
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"Ive just a few days ago parted ways with my FB, we had been meeting regular for 16months, id become attached to him and he took advantage of how i felt
i feel foolish now, hurt and annoyed but hey ho, i'll live x"
Sorry to hear that x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive just a few days ago parted ways with my FB, we had been meeting regular for 16months, id become attached to him and he took advantage of how i felt
i feel foolish now, hurt and annoyed but hey ho, i'll live x
Sorry to hear that x "
Thanks, will be fine and i wont be making the same mistake again thats for sure! |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx"
Not buying that I'm afraid. I might have made some bad relationship decisions in the past and have decided to stay single, but humans are not by nature monogamous. That's been forced on us by outside influences. |
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Not buying that I'm afraid. I might have made some bad relationship decisions in the past and have decided to stay single, but humans are not by nature monogamous. That's been forced on us by outside influences."
See I'm tending to agree with this now I've bitten the apple. I don't know if I'm a naturally monogomous person. I think it's a social construct that doesn't necessarily fit everyone. But then I love being in a relationship too. I guess I just want to have my cake & eat it! |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Not buying that I'm afraid. I might have made some bad relationship decisions in the past and have decided to stay single, but humans are not by nature monogamous. That's been forced on us by outside influences.
See I'm tending to agree with this now I've bitten the apple. I don't know if I'm a naturally monogomous person. I think it's a social construct that doesn't necessarily fit everyone. But then I love being in a relationship too. I guess I just want to have my cake & eat it! "
The problem is its not just your feelings and the feelings of your FB to consider. You have someone else to consider. I can shag my merry way round Fab without a twinge because there is no SO in my life to hurt. It's different for others. |
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Not buying that I'm afraid. I might have made some bad relationship decisions in the past and have decided to stay single, but humans are not by nature monogamous. That's been forced on us by outside influences.
See I'm tending to agree with this now I've bitten the apple. I don't know if I'm a naturally monogomous person. I think it's a social construct that doesn't necessarily fit everyone. But then I love being in a relationship too. I guess I just want to have my cake & eat it!
The problem is its not just your feelings and the feelings of your FB to consider. You have someone else to consider. I can shag my merry way round Fab without a twinge because there is no SO in my life to hurt. It's different for others."
Absolutely. I guess you have to be a rock solid couple to not get burned. |
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I imagine alot of this comes down to personality.
When you are swinging, you obviously want there to be an attraction.
This genetically speaking, would be the first step on the hopeful road for mating and raising kids.
So genetically we are programmed to link sex and relationships. But from what I gather we are also predisposed to cheat. In an effort to spread the gene pool and have as wide a range of genetics as possible.
Hence why the female monkey will sneek off when the dominant male monkey ain't looking for a bit of nookie with the rival.
So we want it all basically, relationships and the freedom to go and get more. Swinging you would imagine is the perfect method for this. I suppose the polyamourous would say you can love 2 people the same. But that's always more tricky than it sounds as life tends to throw up choices.........
And I've just realised I'm rambling and going completely off topic warble warble warble.
Nonsense.
Ah forget what I just said.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx"
Emotional faithfulness to one partner is paramour to me and I will fight tooth and nail for that
But physically? Sorry I disagree that the human race was ever meant to be physically monogomous
I also feel that to swing successfully you have to be emotionally strong not emotionally damaged |
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Not buying that I'm afraid. I might have made some bad relationship decisions in the past and have decided to stay single, but humans are not by nature monogamous. That's been forced on us by outside influences.
See I'm tending to agree with this now I've bitten the apple. I don't know if I'm a naturally monogomous person. I think it's a social construct that doesn't necessarily fit everyone. But then I love being in a relationship too. I guess I just want to have my cake & eat it! "
mmmmm cake |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Not buying that I'm afraid. I might have made some bad relationship decisions in the past and have decided to stay single, but humans are not by nature monogamous. That's been forced on us by outside influences.
See I'm tending to agree with this now I've bitten the apple. I don't know if I'm a naturally monogomous person. I think it's a social construct that doesn't necessarily fit everyone. But then I love being in a relationship too. I guess I just want to have my cake & eat it!
The problem is its not just your feelings and the feelings of your FB to consider. You have someone else to consider. I can shag my merry way round Fab without a twinge because there is no SO in my life to hurt. It's different for others.
Absolutely. I guess you have to be a rock solid couple to not get burned. "
Being rock solid is about knowing one another and understanding yourself just as much.
Hard when you get intimate with someone not to develop some sort of bond - even if it's only friendship. You are allowed to have feelings for people - feel sorry for them when things go wrong in their lives and feel happy for them when they have successes. We'd be cold fish if we didn't, and I'd never fancy being one of those. It doesn't necessarily have to lead to the 'dreaded 'L' word' you know... only if you wanted it to...
Wolf
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"Absolutely. I guess you have to be a rock solid couple to not get burned.
Being rock solid is about knowing one another and understanding yourself just as much.
Hard when you get intimate with someone not to develop some sort of bond - even if it's only friendship. You are allowed to have feelings for people - feel sorry for them when things go wrong in their lives and feel happy for them when they have successes. We'd be cold fish if we didn't, and I'd never fancy being one of those. It doesn't necessarily have to lead to the 'dreaded 'L' word' you know... only if you wanted it to...
Wolf
"
Minor religion warning !!!!!!
You have been warned.
I remember being in church and the priest was talking about the L word. Basically saying it was a very poor word, it's used alot in the bible, but the original greek or hebrew ( idunno) had 6 or 7 words, but the English narrowed it down to 1. there was love, for a brother, love for a partner, love of a friend etc etc etc,
There is no problem loving someone. I loved our pet rabbit, but I did not want to run off with it and leave the wife and kids.
So surely lusting after a swinger is natural. If you where having sex and not lusting then there would be something wrong.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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just go into swinging with your eyes wide open and think of it as "harmless" fun x never cross the line if its just sex you want x helps if you dont meet people over n over again that way you wont get involved xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good old wiki.
Agape,
Eros,
Philia,
Storge.
Eros and Philia would be the keys to swinging if it goes to Agape then you may have issues.
"
if it goes to agape you need a smaller buttplug
Wolf
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"Good old wiki.
Agape,
Eros,
Philia,
Storge.
Eros and Philia would be the keys to swinging if it goes to Agape then you may have issues.
if it goes to agape you need a smaller buttplug
Wolf
"
That did make me giggle. |
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"Absolutely. I guess you have to be a rock solid couple to not get burned.
Being rock solid is about knowing one another and understanding yourself just as much.
Hard when you get intimate with someone not to develop some sort of bond - even if it's only friendship. You are allowed to have feelings for people - feel sorry for them when things go wrong in their lives and feel happy for them when they have successes. We'd be cold fish if we didn't, and I'd never fancy being one of those. It doesn't necessarily have to lead to the 'dreaded 'L' word' you know... only if you wanted it to...
Wolf
Minor religion warning !!!!!!
You have been warned.
I remember being in church and the priest was talking about the L word. Basically saying it was a very poor word, it's used alot in the bible, but the original greek or hebrew ( idunno) had 6 or 7 words, but the English narrowed it down to 1. there was love, for a brother, love for a partner, love of a friend etc etc etc,
There is no problem loving someone. I loved our pet rabbit, but I did not want to run off with it and leave the wife and kids.
So surely lusting after a swinger is natural. If you where having sex and not lusting then there would be something wrong.
"
i have written several times of the paucity of the English word love...there is eros,sexual love,phillios,which probably applies to swingers, love between a community, or shared interests...aristotle defined it as needing familiarity and equality.
Then there is agape, used often by Christians, brotherly or sisterly love, it defines how i feel for other subs i am close too, ppl who understand without explanation how i am feeling and share my highs and lows...interestingly bdsm seems to recognise this with the convention of subs calling each other brother and sister.
Then there is storge, family love.
Feelings are never the problem...knowing their origin and being honest about them is what matters. |
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx"
i think you know little about nature and nothing about swinging
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Feelings are never the problem...knowing their origin and being honest about them is what matters."
Precisely. Think the BDSM world has a lot to teach the swinging world to be honest
Wolf
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Emotional faithfulness to one partner is paramour to me and I will fight tooth and nail for that
But physically? Sorry I disagree that the human race was ever meant to be physically monogomous
I also feel that to swing successfully you have to be emotionally strong not emotionally damaged"
we arent, evolutionary biology shows us monogamy is a modern idea imposed as a control...there is a reason women concieve better with competing sperm |
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"Feelings are never the problem...knowing their origin and being honest about them is what matters.
Precisely. Think the BDSM world has a lot to teach the swinging world to be honest
Wolf
"
meh...its just as full of loonies |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"
Absolutely. I guess you have to be a rock solid couple to not get burned. "
If your relationship is not rock solid, you need to work on that....... and NOT swing.
Swinging should never be used as a 'fix' to a less than stable relationship because one part of the couple will end up getting hurt.
We've had problems in the past with others getting too close to Jason..... which is why we only ever do one off's. Most of the time, I don't even want to know their names.
NSA sex to us, is just that, NSA. No emotion just raw sex, and you don't get that from repeat meets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just an observation, but isn't it interesting that the vast majority of posts on this subject are from single women or the women from couples profiles. I do believe that, on average, male sexuality differs fundamentally from female. Men are far less likely to feel an emotional attachment. Yes I know there will be exceptions and many will be 'quoted' in response to this post, but, as an average, I think my point will stand. |
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"Just an observation, but isn't it interesting that the vast majority of posts on this subject are from single women or the women from couples profiles. I do believe that, on average, male sexuality differs fundamentally from female. Men are far less likely to feel an emotional attachment. Yes I know there will be exceptions and many will be 'quoted' in response to this post, but, as an average, I think my point will stand. "
possibly. but then the thread was entitled emotional attachment, social conditioning means many men will pass it by |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just an observation, but isn't it interesting that the vast majority of posts on this subject are from single women or the women from couples profiles. I do believe that, on average, male sexuality differs fundamentally from female. Men are far less likely to feel an emotional attachment. Yes I know there will be exceptions and many will be 'quoted' in response to this post, but, as an average, I think my point will stand.
possibly. but then the thread was entitled emotional attachment, social conditioning means many men will pass it by"
I'm reading for two... pmsl
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just an observation, but isn't it interesting that the vast majority of posts on this subject are from single women or the women from couples profiles. I do believe that, on average, male sexuality differs fundamentally from female. Men are far less likely to feel an emotional attachment. Yes I know there will be exceptions and many will be 'quoted' in response to this post, but, as an average, I think my point will stand. "
I agree with that
I'm in the sometimes unenviable position of being in the middle emotionally because my bisexuality is that strong it also affects my emotional perception as well as my sexual responses
(yes lads I nearly understand women) xx |
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"Just an observation, but isn't it interesting that the vast majority of posts on this subject are from single women or the women from couples profiles. I do believe that, on average, male sexuality differs fundamentally from female. Men are far less likely to feel an emotional attachment. Yes I know there will be exceptions and many will be 'quoted' in response to this post, but, as an average, I think my point will stand.
I agree with that
I'm in the sometimes unenviable position of being in the middle emotionally because my bisexuality is that strong it also affects my emotional perception as well as my sexual responses
(yes lads I nearly understand women) xx"
ha...dont get cocky kid  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"nice to see some honesty on here, does anyone truely seperate sex and emotion,
"
Yes some of us do... I often have regular guys... But tend to lose them when they realise that while they may feel something for me... I don't for them... I even had one try to tell me that I couldn't have sex like that if I didn't care.. I offered to show him with the next random guy... We no longer talk and he's left the site...
My relationship gives me everything I need emotionally... We have others for fun not because anything is lacking... It's all an addition...
Yes sometimes people fall for others... That's life... But I think only if your deep down looking.
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We do know a Swinging couple this happened to..... what a MESS!
They got over it but now they dont Swing with Friends, Even though the couple that was involved werent really friends....
The couple now only swing in clubs or parties apparently not wishing to get to know people further but we find this odd when there verifications say different.
Still messy!
Mark
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"nice to see some honesty on here, does anyone truely seperate sex and emotion,
Yes some of us do... I often have regular guys... But tend to lose them when they realise that while they may feel something for me... I don't for them... I even had one try to tell me that I couldn't have sex like that if I didn't care.. I offered to show him with the next random guy... We no longer talk and he's left the site...
My relationship gives me everything I need emotionally... We have others for fun not because anything is lacking... It's all an addition...
Yes sometimes people fall for others... That's life... But I think only if your deep down looking.
Cali "
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Thanks for all the advice & sharing your stories 
Like a few pps have said, I think the only thing to do is to cut all ties & work on strengthening our relationship. I'm guessing this is probably going to mean having to quit the site & the whole idea of swinging for the time being, which is a shame. Maybe we can return to the scene once we've really established some more sturdy groundrules instead of letting it all evolve at such a haphazard tangent like we did! Aside from the millions of complete twanks on here, there seem to be some lovely & genuine people  I'll still be taking a cheeky peek on here but time for a step back methinks...Enjoy yourselves xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My relationship developed along side us playing with others.. we have adapted our rules and wants so many times along the way...
So it can be done.. I think for us it would have been unrealistic to go from being how we were.. to somethign we are never going to be.
We are totally faithful to one another... AS in nothing is done without the other knowing. But our biggest thing is how much we talk
Cali |
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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago
south staffs |
I am completely on Cali's side, being the female half of a very longstanding couple. We have been together for 37 years and I knew then that I was not a one-man-woman, so to start we talked, and talked, then he spoke to some of the guys who were in my life at the time, and he made his choice - to stay with me. We have had a lot of different "angles" and "aspects" to our relationship over those years but the mainstay has always been that we are honest and tell each other everything.
Yes, I get emotionally involved with guys I meet. I would go as far as to say that I cannot have sex with a man if I don't fall for him first. I fall in lust, have a crush, get infatuated, whatever you want to call it, I meet that guy as many times as possible, and then I get over it.
I do believe that I can love more than one person at a time, but every love is different.
I don't suppose that made sense, but it was good the get it off my chest.
Jane x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to be able to play with someone, have a good time, then wave goodbye, without contact with each other until it is time to meet up again.
I do not wish to hear about how his day went, or for him to hear about what kind of day I have had.
When I come home after a hard day's work, I do not wish to speak to anyone or hear anyone speaking except to give my pets some TLC.
I value my independence too much to be able to fit into a conventional relationship again.
I do miss certain intimacy such as going to bed and waking up in someone's arms.
However, I would rather be alone than having to put up with the presence, needs and wants of another person that will cramp my style and freedom.
|
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I have guys ive known for years, im very fond off them and class them as friends. As far as romantically then i would walk away if i started to have those kinds of feelings for anyone other than jay. I can and always have seperated sex from love. Sex is something i enjoy doing (alot) but its recreational fun. Falling in love is something i dont do lightly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't have this issue. I have the sense to differentiate between love and lust. Have been in lust endless times and enjoyed the thrill but have only been in love 3 times. I don't give my love away lightly... |
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"Just an observation, but isn't it interesting that the vast majority of posts on this subject are from single women or the women from couples profiles. I do believe that, on average, male sexuality differs fundamentally from female. Men are far less likely to feel an emotional attachment. Yes I know there will be exceptions and many will be 'quoted' in response to this post, but, as an average, I think my point will stand. "
Shall i tell you something, i used to play with married guys. Ive never had so much trouble from anyone as i have had over the years with married guys, saying they loved me, wanting to leave their wives. Its just one of the reasons i choose not to play with married guys. Never had a problem with single guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've become 'attached' to my fb. Not quite sure how though. I definitely lust after him and want his approval and for him to want me. I don't think it's love though.
We had our first 4some this week. I was jealous of him saying how hot she was but not jealous when he was doing stuff with her. I was pleasantly surprised as I really thought I'd hate him being with another woman. We've been meeting for nearly 2 years and I'll be heartbroken when it's over. Mostly because he's everything I ever wanted sexually and also a brilliant laugh.
I'm glad I read this thread because it's opened my eyes a bit and also helped me realise I'm not alone on the feelibgs front. |
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"Just an observation, but isn't it interesting that the vast majority of posts on this subject are from single women or the women from couples profiles. I do believe that, on average, male sexuality differs fundamentally from female. Men are far less likely to feel an emotional attachment. Yes I know there will be exceptions and many will be 'quoted' in response to this post, but, as an average, I think my point will stand.
Shall i tell you something, i used to play with married guys. Ive never had so much trouble from anyone as i have had over the years with married guys, saying they loved me, wanting to leave their wives. Its just one of the reasons i choose not to play with married guys. Never had a problem with single guys."
informs our decision too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like to be able to play with someone, have a good time, then wave goodbye, without contact with each other until it is time to meet up again.
I do not wish to hear about how his day went, or for him to hear about what kind of day I have had.
When I come home after a hard day's work, I do not wish to speak to anyone or hear anyone speaking except to give my pets some TLC.
I value my independence too much to be able to fit into a conventional relationship again.
I do miss certain intimacy such as going to bed and waking up in someone's arms.
However, I would rather be alone than having to put up with the presence, needs and wants of another person that will cramp my style and freedom.
"
see, i'd almost agree with all of this, except i never want to share my bed with anyone after sex, i prefer them to leave after and go home, and i hate someone trying to cuddle me! i'm not a cuddles type of person |
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"If you are falling for them, you must tell them, as they might be quite happy with the NSA relationship that you have."
If you meant me, no it's not quite like that, it's a slightly different scenario. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wanted my wife to have sex with another man and encouraged her to do that for some time before it eventually happened. Then when it did, my emotions went south. I've been having a wee word with myself and if you decide that its the way you want to go then go. Fuck being insecure, but be prepared, because you can't have a great shag without a
haircut |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a fb, I think I could love him, we meet regular, but on closer inspection it's more obsession than love! We r very close but u have to know someone to love them and technically although we know certain things about each other very well there is so much we don't know!
Mind u, given the option, I would love to know more about him! Lol
In saying that, I love my parents, I don't want to fuck them, same goes for kids! My love for them is unconditional but so totally different to what I feel for hubby! Who incidentally doesn't know I swing! never leaving him, but a girl needs good sex the same as a bloke! Don't judge me! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great thread.
I think the keyword here is Honesty. Not with those around you but to yourself. Many confuse lust and love. We can tell our partners and swing friends one something but it doesn't make it 100% true.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our language is not descriptive enough for Sex, Love, Lust....
Neither does it explain the chemical reactions and biology of people failing to remaining faithful to just one person for life.
The problem is learning about yourself and others and where the boundary truly is....
Whilst you can LOVE a Family pet or Child or Parent..... You wouldnt LUST after them and then become involved sexually....
There is something written in the Gene's of everyone to have more than one sexual partner in life the problem is society brainwashed us all into thinking its immoral partly through religious dogma.
If your Happy be happy... but remember in order to be happy you will have to be sad one day too...
I am glad Jayne and I fell in love and had a good five to six years before we even considered Swinging that way we know how we felt..... Rather than falling for each other at a Swinging Party or Club....
Just becareful and be safe but Emotional attachment is a mess as Jayne & I saw at first hand with a Swinger couple we know of but dont Swing with....
Mark of Mark and Jayne |
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"Great thread.
I think the keyword here is Honesty. Not with those around you but to yourself. Many confuse lust and love. We can tell our partners and swing friends one something but it doesn't make it 100% true.
"
Honesty, to yourself and others, |
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"Great thread.
I think the keyword here is Honesty. Not with those around you but to yourself. Many confuse lust and love. We can tell our partners and swing friends one something but it doesn't make it 100% true.
"
Honesty, to yourself and others, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We were only together about 8 months before we put our couples profile together so it could all have easily gone wrong. However - we look at swinging as an 'extra' and not an essential part of our lives together.
Her |
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"I like to be able to play with someone, have a good time, then wave goodbye, without contact with each other until it is time to meet up again.
I do not wish to hear about how his day went, or for him to hear about what kind of day I have had.
When I come home after a hard day's work, I do not wish to speak to anyone or hear anyone speaking except to give my pets some TLC.
I value my independence too much to be able to fit into a conventional relationship again.
I do miss certain intimacy such as going to bed and waking up in someone's arms.
However, I would rather be alone than having to put up with the presence, needs and wants of another person that will cramp my style and freedom.
"
Pearl I feel exactly the same. I was divorced nearly 5 years ago My ex was quite controlling, I would get all the talk of how bad a day she had just had at work never asked how my day was.
Back to the OP's original question though. I enjoy meeting new people from Fab, have made some great friends but actually value the fact that we can have pleasure together, then do our own thing. I have feelings for all the people I meet and do wish them well. I think the time to step away is when your feelings change from lust to love. I think thats when you risk getting too attached. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only play with, to the best of my knowledge, based on information provided to me, single gents, and of the 30 or so that I had played with, I can honestly say I have not formed emotional attached with any of them, even when I was briefly attached to someone, which turned out to be a massive mistake for multiple of reasons.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh god tell me about it, ive been in love with my FB for about 9 years now, even tried 4 years apart while i had a vanilla relationship but couldnt get him outta my head (theres a Kylie song in there somewhere lol!!!)
Im not use nor ornament either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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being honest.
i met someone and he turned my head and i fell for the attention and the way he spoke to me but thats all it was when he started using it against me it was a cya
but
im glad that happened and now i know the signs and the signals and im buggered it wont happen again x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc"
he fell for me and i believe his twaddle i just got off the attention |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc"
No it isn't 'natural' for women to become attached, any more than with men. No, women aren't 'hardened' for enjoying no strings attached fun with men, and women who sleep with men 'by mistake'??? If men stopped taking advantage of women when they are d*unk then the world would be a much better place.
See, I can generalise too! |
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc"
No i dont think that is true. Not on swingers sites but in my life in general, guys ive known havent understood that i can have sex with someone and walk away. We are led to believe that women have to have an emotional connection. If all women had to have an emotional connection then there would be no single women or women half of couples on here |
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc"
i think you might need to think about the fact you are on a swinging site , and what swinging means before you make such judgements and generalisations.
If you honestly believe that why are you here looking for nsa sex?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc
No i dont think that is true. Not on swingers sites but in my life in general, guys ive known havent understood that i can have sex with someone and walk away. We are led to believe that women have to have an emotional connection. If all women had to have an emotional connection then there would be no single women or women half of couples on here"
Maybe where some get their kecks in a twist is where the women say on the forums that they 'won't just sleep with anyone - there has to be something else there for them to do that'. Perhaps some confuse that for feelings where really it's just fanciful lust - the same thing that makes anyone drool over something tasty on display, and want to try the experience of it, with the emphasis on 'experience'.
A lot of guys think that there's a gain in emotional real estate with a woman from sleeping with her. It's not so.
Going for d*unk girls I've never done - I've always wanted them to enjoy and remember what happened. Yep I know I'm old fashioned... 
Wolf
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc
No i dont think that is true. Not on swingers sites but in my life in general, guys ive known havent understood that i can have sex with someone and walk away. We are led to believe that women have to have an emotional connection. If all women had to have an emotional connection then there would be no single women or women half of couples on here
Maybe where some get their kecks in a twist is where the women say on the forums that they 'won't just sleep with anyone - there has to be something else there for them to do that'. Perhaps some confuse that for feelings where really it's just fanciful lust - the same thing that makes anyone drool over something tasty on display, and want to try the experience of it, with the emphasis on 'experience'.
A lot of guys think that there's a gain in emotional real estate with a woman from sleeping with her. It's not so.
Going for d*unk girls I've never done - I've always wanted them to enjoy and remember what happened. Yep I know I'm old fashioned...
Wolf
"
I agree, also there are some very strange women out there that do think if a guy shags her, he has to marry her or at least get into some kind of relationship with her. These women in my opinion are in the minority but it doesnt do any favours for us heartless bitches that can just fuck and run  |
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc
No i dont think that is true. Not on swingers sites but in my life in general, guys ive known havent understood that i can have sex with someone and walk away. We are led to believe that women have to have an emotional connection. If all women had to have an emotional connection then there would be no single women or women half of couples on here
Maybe where some get their kecks in a twist is where the women say on the forums that they 'won't just sleep with anyone - there has to be something else there for them to do that'. Perhaps some confuse that for feelings where really it's just fanciful lust - the same thing that makes anyone drool over something tasty on display, and want to try the experience of it, with the emphasis on 'experience'.
A lot of guys think that there's a gain in emotional real estate with a woman from sleeping with her. It's not so.
Going for d*unk girls I've never done - I've always wanted them to enjoy and remember what happened. Yep I know I'm old fashioned...
Wolf
I agree, also there are some very strange women out there that do think if a guy shags her, he has to marry her or at least get into some kind of relationship with her. These women in my opinion are in the minority but it doesnt do any favours for us heartless bitches that can just fuck and run "
normally after a good fuck i cant walk never mind run |
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc
No i dont think that is true. Not on swingers sites but in my life in general, guys ive known havent understood that i can have sex with someone and walk away. We are led to believe that women have to have an emotional connection. If all women had to have an emotional connection then there would be no single women or women half of couples on here
Maybe where some get their kecks in a twist is where the women say on the forums that they 'won't just sleep with anyone - there has to be something else there for them to do that'. Perhaps some confuse that for feelings where really it's just fanciful lust - the same thing that makes anyone drool over something tasty on display, and want to try the experience of it, with the emphasis on 'experience'.
A lot of guys think that there's a gain in emotional real estate with a woman from sleeping with her. It's not so.
Going for d*unk girls I've never done - I've always wanted them to enjoy and remember what happened. Yep I know I'm old fashioned...
Wolf
I agree, also there are some very strange women out there that do think if a guy shags her, he has to marry her or at least get into some kind of relationship with her. These women in my opinion are in the minority but it doesnt do any favours for us heartless bitches that can just fuck and run
normally after a good fuck i cant walk never mind run "
It was a figment of speech |
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc"
depedns what you mean by emotionally attached, i like to think that wit the meets i meet regularly friendships have developed,that is an emotional attachment, not love just friendship
then there are those who i meet, have sex with and never see again either through my choice or theirs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"some people may take this comment as sexist but isnt it natural for a women to get emotionally attached to people they sleep with? It's only hardened women who are happy with sleeping with guys and not feeling anyway about them after. That and women who sleep with people by mistake i.e too d*unk, clouded judgement etc
No i dont think that is true. Not on swingers sites but in my life in general, guys ive known havent understood that i can have sex with someone and walk away. We are led to believe that women have to have an emotional connection. If all women had to have an emotional connection then there would be no single women or women half of couples on here
Maybe where some get their kecks in a twist is where the women say on the forums that they 'won't just sleep with anyone - there has to be something else there for them to do that'. Perhaps some confuse that for feelings where really it's just fanciful lust - the same thing that makes anyone drool over something tasty on display, and want to try the experience of it, with the emphasis on 'experience'.
A lot of guys think that there's a gain in emotional real estate with a woman from sleeping with her. It's not so.
Going for d*unk girls I've never done - I've always wanted them to enjoy and remember what happened. Yep I know I'm old fashioned...
Wolf
I agree, also there are some very strange women out there that do think if a guy shags her, he has to marry her or at least get into some kind of relationship with her. These women in my opinion are in the minority but it doesnt do any favours for us heartless bitches that can just fuck and run "
yep spot on and I was also just thinking about extending that out to couples in a way too... that sometimes they think they own their singles and other couples... ish... maybe... sortof... lol
I reckon that the attitude towards nsa is hard learned through experience, for some very hard indeed that they never quite escape the 'vanilla twinge'. It's worth going through for the sheer freedom that exists on the other side, once someone gets over that hurdle the fears all evaporate, and you're not worried about emotional attachment, just the here and nows of it all. Those that manage the hurdle (and there's no time limit) will have a great time on this site, those who don't might be better trying dating instead...
Wolf
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By *waymanMan
over a year ago
newcastle |
"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx"
Sorry, but that's pretty much bollocks.
Nothing is natural.
Some of us choose to be the way we are because we like the way we are. It's not about being damaged or unnatural; neither is it some great ideological statement.
There may be people who swing because they are needy or damaged; if you meet them run away quickly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Emotional faithfulness to one partner is paramour to me and I will fight tooth and nail for that
But physically? Sorry I disagree that the human race was ever meant to be physically monogomous
I also feel that to swing successfully you have to be emotionally strong not emotionally damaged
we arent, evolutionary biology shows us monogamy is a modern idea imposed as a control...there is a reason women concieve better with competing sperm "
The study of History shows us that both monogamy and polygamy (as well as polyandry) have been practiced by human beings for thousands of years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we have been active in the scene for 11 years,in that time we know of 3 occasions where 2 cpls have divorced and re married the partners they were playing with,,we know of 1 very recent where a cpl have split and are now living full swap lives with the others partners,,,, |
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MMmmm where to start.....I joined the site for nsa sex...simple....erm no....I found a woman on here that I was not looking for or had any intentions of looking for....I have fallen completely head over heels....damn what the hell happened....I only wanted sex......the fortunate bit is that SHE feels the same....now work that one out...niether of us feel we could live together as nothing would get done...yes I hear you say infatuation....I thought so to but just sitting drinking coffee and being togther is just as good ...well nearly...
but there is just something that we cannot put our finger on and it is both scary and so, so intense and fantastic at the same time......yes you can find a soul mate, a fb, a partner and if thats what happens you dont have a say in the matter...its a natural thing that we and I guess lots of others before and many more after will ponder on. To us its very strange how ....er.........love for want of a better word comes out of left field and hits you when you are not looking........end of surmon sorry...xx |
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A lot of people (singles) join after bad relationships, emotionally scarred etc. Looking for NSA fun, comapny, new friends or whatever, and mostly that's what you get. But the you meet someone and its different, Chemistry? And that's it! It all changes!
That's my experience anyway. |
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"MMmmm where to start.....I joined the site for nsa sex...simple....erm no....I found a woman on here that I was not looking for or had any intentions of looking for....I have fallen completely head over heels....damn what the hell happened....I only wanted sex......the fortunate bit is that SHE feels the same....now work that one out...niether of us feel we could live together as nothing would get done...yes I hear you say infatuation....I thought so to but just sitting drinking coffee and being togther is just as good ...well nearly...
but there is just something that we cannot put our finger on and it is both scary and so, so intense and fantastic at the same time......yes you can find a soul mate, a fb, a partner and if thats what happens you dont have a say in the matter...its a natural thing that we and I guess lots of others before and many more after will ponder on. To us its very strange how ....er.........love for want of a better word comes out of left field and hits you when you are not looking........end of surmon sorry...xx "
that is a lovely post......sometimes the last thing you are looking for is the thing you find.! Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Although I have had relationship failures in the past, I have learnt from my mistakes, and am more in tune with what I like and dislike, and am less willing to accommodate another person's needs and wants.
I do not believe I am emotionally scarred. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When i used to play as a single female, (before i met hubby)i used to play with a couple.
Occasionaly i would play with him on his own with the wifes permission.
Then one day he rang to say he had just told his wife he was leaving her and his boys for me
I had no warning of how he felt.
I had no feelings for him what so ever.
To me it was just sex so where an earth did he get this all wrong?
I had shown nothing to lead him on or for him to think any different.
He was told what i thought of him.
In the end i ended up being stalked.
The lucky thing was we had a mutual friend ( a policeman that THEY played with)who stopped him in the end.
So hence the bit on our profile that we never play apart.
xxxxx |
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Emotional faithfulness to one partner is paramour to me and I will fight tooth and nail for that
But physically? Sorry I disagree that the human race was ever meant to be physically monogomous
I also feel that to swing successfully you have to be emotionally strong not emotionally damaged
we arent, evolutionary biology shows us monogamy is a modern idea imposed as a control...there is a reason women concieve better with competing sperm
The study of History shows us that both monogamy and polygamy (as well as polyandry) have been practiced by human beings for thousands of years."
Yes but evolutionary biology looks at a far longer timespan. |
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"i think most swingers are damaged emotionaly if they are honest because it goes against nature,at the end of the day we are here for a reason and have our place in nature, we have fucked it up big time lol........ we are supposed to have soul mates by nature, not fuck anyone with a good bodxx
Emotional faithfulness to one partner is paramour to me and I will fight tooth and nail for that
But physically? Sorry I disagree that the human race was ever meant to be physically monogomous
I also feel that to swing successfully you have to be emotionally strong not emotionally damaged
we arent, evolutionary biology shows us monogamy is a modern idea imposed as a control...there is a reason women concieve better with competing sperm
The study of History shows us that both monogamy and polygamy (as well as polyandry) have been practiced by human beings for thousands of years."
Yes but evolutionary biology looks at a far longer timespan. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although I have had relationship failures in the past, I have learnt from my mistakes, and am more in tune with what I like and dislike, and am less willing to accommodate another person's needs and wants.
I do not believe I am emotionally scarred. "
I don't either. I think that the further down that road we travel the less likely we are to want to trust anyone enough to strike up a relationship - maybe we're a product of our environment too - whatever the results of the environment and those in that environment foster, on a timescale far less than any evolutionary biology.
If we're talking evolutionary biology, can the changes that are neccessary happen in any one person's lifetime?
Wolf |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love that!! Good luck to you both. I call it the X- Factor. Something that you just can't put your finger on/ explain... but it's just tingly fantastic. |
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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago
from a town near you |
someone iv been seeing has started getting judgmental and a bit controlling
i dont want to see him anymore but he wont accept that,i could block him but he has my mbl number,stupid of me i know but i dont know what to do,i cant change my number help  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"someone iv been seeing has started getting judgmental and a bit controlling
i dont want to see him anymore but he wont accept that,i could block him but he has my mbl number,stupid of me i know but i dont know what to do,i cant change my number help "
Him having your mobile number doesn't matter. Every time he texts or messages, ignore and delete. He'll get the message. If not then speak to your service provider.
Also, its a radical notion, but tell him. If guys on here get pushy I say that they are pushy and thats why I won't be replying. Just say to him that his behaviour has made you feel uncomfortable and you won't be in touch any more. That may help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every so often you find a little nugget on the forums that's a very worthwhile read, thisis one.
I (Dee) have only a couple of thoughts on this subject.
Some men have worked out how to give women almost what they want but they never quite deliver the full package to avoid commitment. The women know that they're in a relationship that's "almost" perfect and they strive to make it what they want because of their natural instinct. The guys know exactly what they're doing which is pretty callous.
Secondly, I think both sexes crave completeness so if we swing when there are fundamental flaws in our own relationships, then there's always a chance that a swinging one will appear to fill in the gaps.
I don't think there's any way you can leave your emotions at the bedroom door but understanding them and what they could lead you to is key.
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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago
from a town near you |
"someone iv been seeing has started getting judgmental and a bit controlling
i dont want to see him anymore but he wont accept that,i could block him but he has my mbl number,stupid of me i know but i dont know what to do,i cant change my number help
Him having your mobile number doesn't matter. Every time he texts or messages, ignore and delete. He'll get the message. If not then speak to your service provider.
Also, its a radical notion, but tell him. If guys on here get pushy I say that they are pushy and thats why I won't be replying. Just say to him that his behaviour has made you feel uncomfortable and you won't be in touch any more. That may help."
oh i have tol;d him hes not listening,but i will not put up with it,i will sort it,thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am completely on Cali's side, being the female half of a very longstanding couple. We have been together for 37 years and I knew then that I was not a one-man-woman, so to start we talked, and talked, then he spoke to some of the guys who were in my life at the time, and he made his choice - to stay with me. We have had a lot of different "angles" and "aspects" to our relationship over those years but the mainstay has always been that we are honest and tell each other everything.
Yes, I get emotionally involved with guys I meet. I would go as far as to say that I cannot have sex with a man if I don't fall for him first. I fall in lust, have a crush, get infatuated, whatever you want to call it, I meet that guy as many times as possible, and then I get over it.
I do believe that I can love more than one person at a time, but every love is different.
I don't suppose that made sense, but it was good the get it off my chest.
Jane x"
totally get where ur coming from! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have any of you who are in relationships, either playing together or separately, been affected by getting emotionally involved with a swinging partner? How common is it & how do you avoid it?
i care about the friends i meet here, but i suppose because i am with my soul mate i dont worry about romantically falling for someone.
i do believe there are many forms of love tho, i have strong feelings for Sir, different to the ones to those i have for kev
i do not see emotions as being a problem, confusing want and need and possessiveness are the problem,
swinging does not mean being cold...it means being free and allowing others to be."
Well said. |
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"I am completely on Cali's side, being the female half of a very longstanding couple. We have been together for 37 years and I knew then that I was not a one-man-woman, so to start we talked, and talked, then he spoke to some of the guys who were in my life at the time, and he made his choice - to stay with me. We have had a lot of different "angles" and "aspects" to our relationship over those years but the mainstay has always been that we are honest and tell each other everything.
Yes, I get emotionally involved with guys I meet. I would go as far as to say that I cannot have sex with a man if I don't fall for him first. I fall in lust, have a crush, get infatuated, whatever you want to call it, I meet that guy as many times as possible, and then I get over it.
I do believe that I can love more than one person at a time, but every love is different.
I don't suppose that made sense, but it was good the get it off my chest.
Jane x
totally get where ur coming from! X"
Totally makes sense to me Jane. I think we share similar traits then in that I'm susceptible to infatuation too...Just not sure if my partner can tolerate that at this stage x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i agree with _wobitwo
we have been together 22yrs and altho we have sex with other people ,,,its just sex,,,yip we stay friends and chat regular with other guys/woman but thats where it ends
im married and theres a line ,anyone tries to overstep it,,,we stop,,,fullstop.
auds xx  |
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