FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > A polite reply?
A polite reply?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 | |||
 | |||
| |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
 | |||
 | |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored "then thats the sender being rude if they done get the hint.... if i get a polite no thanks, i leave it at that... never get pushy.. | |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored
then thats the sender being rude if they done get the hint.... if i get a polite no thanks, i leave it at that... never get pushy.. "i agree with fem. Most guys just dont like to be turned down...and most of the time i dont reply cos they clearly havent read the profile and are either too young/old or smoke. x | |||
 See where I am coming from | |||
"I know some single women and couples get lots of messages from single guys, but if they arent intrested surley a polite no thanks isnt too hard to ask for? Its only two small words.... Rider x "Numerous reasons, if you search the forum threads I'm sure you'll find most listed.. My question to you .. would it make you feel better receiving messages saying no thanks, if there's no message back (flippant remark I know, you can send yourself a reply saying no thanks, ) sorry,, (I can't see why they're important.) its a not interested. I'm more interested in receiving messages from people who are..  | |||
| |||
They hav'nt asked to meet you but you don't always want to get into any sort of conversation at all
| |||
| |||
| |||
 | |||
"Oh my i am shocked you didn't give him your address send the kids out to play and reply oh yes come on over ive been waiting for a message like yours for years hunni!!!! "pmsl yeah....i should have done shouldnt i!! | |||
| |||
"[Removed by poster at 22/12/11 13:45:50]" Oops wrong word
What I said was it's also annoying getting a message from someone that I have met but told them that I don't want to meet again that says he fancies meeting me again so he can see the underwear in the flesh and then asks if you want to  ffs | |||
 | |||
"yeap can you imagine how shocked he would have been to get a response to that! I always think those blokes are not really looking for meets just get off sending the messages probably run for the hills if he got a yeah cum on over! "yeah never thought of that...next time i will...lol | |||
| |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored
then thats the sender being rude if they done get the hint.... if i get a polite no thanks, i leave it at that... never get pushy.. "Thats great that your like that i don't know what messages you send and not having an avatar pic probably contributes to not getting replies but there are some who let the polite process down by taking the rejection badly therefore making it not worth replying | |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored
then thats the sender being rude if they done get the hint.... if i get a polite no thanks, i leave it at that... never get pushy..
just saying politeness costs nothing
Thats great that your like that
i don't know what messages you send and not having an avatar pic probably contributes to not getting replies
but there are some who let the polite process down by taking the rejection badly therefore making it not worth replying" | |||
"yeap can you imagine how shocked he would have been to get a response to that! I always think those blokes are not really looking for meets just get off sending the messages probably run for the hills if he got a yeah cum on over! "love to get ladies saying come over now!! why i joined the site! saying that, met some good friends on this site.. just saying politeness costs nothing.... | |||
| |||
"and then sometimes u get messages like i have just got this very minute - hi, i am passing through doncaster in 30 mins do u want to suck my cock?.... eerrr...that doesnt even deserve a reply....." well next time i wont bother then!  | |||
| |||
"ach never give up robbie that all elusive waiting at home this minute woman will one day respond!!! "hahaha | |||
"ach never give up robbie that all elusive waiting at home this minute woman will one day respond!!! "im passing through edinbourgh in 3 hours time want to suck my cock? | |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored
then thats the sender being rude if they done get the hint.... if i get a polite no thanks, i leave it at that... never get pushy.. "yes but with respect thats what they all say, i simply havent the time or the inclination to pander to peoples egos..unless its my other halfs lol....you will never solve the problem so my advice is dont even try....xxx | |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored
then thats the sender being rude if they done get the hint.... if i get a polite no thanks, i leave it at that... never get pushy.. yes but with respect thats what they all say, i simply havent the time or the inclination to pander to peoples egos..unless its my other halfs lol....you will never solve the problem so my advice is dont even try....xxx"maybe not, intresting to see what others think though!! happy christmas Rider x | |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored
then thats the sender being rude if they done get the hint.... if i get a polite no thanks, i leave it at that... never get pushy.. yes but with respect thats what they all say, i simply havent the time or the inclination to pander to peoples egos..unless its my other halfs lol....you will never solve the problem so my advice is dont even try....xxx
maybe not, intresting to see what others think though!!
happy christmas
Rider x"same to you..hope you manage to empty your sac | |||
You arrive home...there is a pizza leaflet through your door,you like pizza,you have eaten it before and will again...but not tonight.
Do you..
A. phone the company thanking them for the leaflet.
B. Bin it.
a no answer= a no...what exactly do u want the couples/women to do...if they wanted to fuck you,they would reply.Are you so stunning/such a catch,you want an explaination? | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"We cannot reply to every guy.. Also our preferences are on our profile. 99% of singles will not read our profile in full so why should we reply?? We just delete and move on.. " 99%?! I want to see the research on these findings on my desk by tomorrow morning! | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"The trouble is you could be on here all day writting replies and when someone writes fancy a f**k its not worth answering. Or you reply saying thankyou but no you the get but "why?"" I totally understand what your saying, we too have had those type of messages....at that point hubby would press delete....think Im too nice lol | |||
| |||
"this again surely one thread is enough"  | |||
| |||
"The trouble is you could be on here all day writting replies and when someone writes fancy a f**k its not worth answering. Or you reply saying thankyou but no you the get but "why?"" ...and just playing devil's advocate for a moment, now multiply that by 20 or 30 a day (conservative estimate on my part, you understand)... | |||
"i don't always reply if its a two or three word message, my age limit starts at 35 so why send a message if your 19, and three times today ive recieved messages from men who have won't meet smokers and my profile says i smoke so you just never know why people don't respond! I do try to respond to messages that are polite and say more than wanna fuck! xxx juney "I agree mine says the same | |||
If not and they don't read the profile (yeah, okay its a big one!) or they have made no effort, then I reciprocate that lack of effort.
| |||
"this again surely one thread is enough" You'd think so wouldn't you. | |||
"if its a nice message and they have read the profile, then it gets some sort of reply
If not and they don't read the profile (yeah, okay its a big one!) or they have made no effort, then I reciprocate that lack of effort.
here here very true mount of single guys that msg us even though we are looking for couples only then get angry when we don't reply, why should we when we were not looking for them to msg in the first place.
" | |||
"ach never give up robbie that all elusive waiting at home this minute woman will one day respond!!!
im passing through edinbourgh in 3 hours time want to suck my cock? "Any plans to pass through Leeds? | |||
"I just delete if no face pic is attached (my profile says I will do that). If I get a hi, how are you, rude ones, ones calling me babe or hun, I usually just delete. If I get ones who make an effort in message and profile I will reply and i have even been known to say no thanks and give them a few pointers on mabe expand your profile, your face pic isn't clear etc. so I think I am polite to those who who deserve it and yes probably rude to those who have made no effort and thinks every girl is going to fall over themselves for their cock!" ^^ me too ... although I must admit even if they have made what they think is an effort but it is boring beyond belief, I won't answer  | |||
| |||
| |||
"This again?! Look, sending a message is not some precious gift. It doesn't automatically deserve a response. The OP and others like him need to get over themselves - you're not doing anything special or deserving of gratitude when you message a woman/couple. A hundred other guys are doing the same every day and it's not practical to reply to the the probably 99 who aren't of interest. " I loved this reply, so well put together | |||
"Rider - lets say the world is how you'd like it to be, and every message you send gets a reply - even if it's a no thanks. Are you, when all is said and done, any further ahead in the game than you would have been if you hadn't received a reply? Rhetorical question of course - we already knew the answer and so did you. so the real question is - why does it matter to you? " What im saying is politeness costs nothing, if someone has read a profile and written a polite message, then i think a polite reply isnt too much to ask for, even if its a no thanks. And i would never write "fancy a fuck", because im not that rude. So get off your high horse, i was asking a general question, not having a go at people!!! | |||
"Rider - lets say the world is how you'd like it to be, and every message you send gets a reply - even if it's a no thanks. Are you, when all is said and done, any further ahead in the game than you would have been if you hadn't received a reply? Rhetorical question of course - we already knew the answer and so did you. so the real question is - why does it matter to you? What im saying is politeness costs nothing, if someone has read a profile and written a polite message, then i think a polite reply isnt too much to ask for, even if its a no thanks. And i would never write "fancy a fuck", because im not that rude. So get off your high horse, i was asking a general question, not having a go at people!!! " I don't reply to most of our messages because... 1) if I send "no thanks" to someone and later apply messages filters, they can message us again in the future... we have filters on now but get the odd male messaging us because we thought we were 'doing the right thing' by replying in the past
2) I got very bored after the first 1000 + messages.
3) writing "no thanks" = "why not?" most of the time. This means replying again (to avoid being labelled "ignorant") so I have to waste even more time on someone who I haven't got the faintest bit of interest in, instead of engaging in doing things that do interest me.
4) most guys I send a 'polite' "no thanks" message to thinks he stands some sort of chance because my two-worded rejection had made him think I'm engaging in conversation... a conversation he could use to try and get me interested in him. It has happened time and time again in the past
*bangs head on desk* | |||
| |||
"Brick wall meet head ~ Head meet brick wall "*joins BB* (broke desk)  | |||
"Rider - lets say the world is how you'd like it to be, and every message you send gets a reply - even if it's a no thanks. Are you, when all is said and done, any further ahead in the game than you would have been if you hadn't received a reply? Rhetorical question of course - we already knew the answer and so did you. so the real question is - why does it matter to you? What im saying is politeness costs nothing, if someone has read a profile and written a polite message, then i think a polite reply isnt too much to ask for, even if its a no thanks. And i would never write "fancy a fuck", because im not that rude. So get off your high horse, i was asking a general question, not having a go at people!!! " If you read my profile, it says...not interested in meeting, not looking for new friends...blah blah blah...and I STILL get messages...apparently someone was so psychic, he could tell how stunningly gorgeous I am without even having any pics up... ...guess what I do with messages I receive...  | |||
"Rider - lets say the world is how you'd like it to be, and every message you send gets a reply - even if it's a no thanks. Are you, when all is said and done, any further ahead in the game than you would have been if you hadn't received a reply? Rhetorical question of course - we already knew the answer and so did you. so the real question is - why does it matter to you? What im saying is politeness costs nothing, if someone has read a profile and written a polite message, then i think a polite reply isnt too much to ask for, even if its a no thanks. And i would never write "fancy a fuck", because im not that rude. So get off your high horse, i was asking a general question, not having a go at people!!! " You still seem to think simply joining a swinging site entitles you in some way... Did you answer my question about the pizza company? | |||
"Rider - lets say the world is how you'd like it to be, and every message you send gets a reply - even if it's a no thanks. Are you, when all is said and done, any further ahead in the game than you would have been if you hadn't received a reply? Rhetorical question of course - we already knew the answer and so did you. so the real question is - why does it matter to you? What im saying is politeness costs nothing, if someone has read a profile and written a polite message, then i think a polite reply isnt too much to ask for, even if its a no thanks. And i would never write "fancy a fuck", because im not that rude. So get off your high horse, i was asking a general question, not having a go at people!!! " but your asuming that because you've taken the time to read a profile and write a message, that the message has been read and your profile look at Not all sent messages are even read due to age age, location crap avatar or no avatars and many other reasons more often than not i've been told people would rather not receive no thanks messages, as it's more dissapointing thinking yeah i've got messages and say 10 rejections | |||
| |||
"Rider - lets say the world is how you'd like it to be, and every message you send gets a reply - even if it's a no thanks. Are you, when all is said and done, any further ahead in the game than you would have been if you hadn't received a reply? Rhetorical question of course - we already knew the answer and so did you. so the real question is - why does it matter to you? What im saying is politeness costs nothing, if someone has read a profile and written a polite message, then i think a polite reply isnt too much to ask for, even if its a no thanks. And i would never write "fancy a fuck", because im not that rude. So get off your high horse, i was asking a general question, not having a go at people!!! " I'm not saying you are having a go at me or anyone else rider - I'm trying to help you get some perspective. Believe me you'll have worse things happen to you on Fab than having your messages ignored - in fact that's one of the easiest knocks your going to take .... wait until you have a meet cancelled as you are walking out the door, or have someone ypou've previously beet getting along famously with go suddenly silent on you. There's no escaping these things - they're just part of the fabswingers ride - you can choose to enjoy the ride for what it is or get off. | |||
| |||
"Rider - lets say the world is how you'd like it to be, and every message you send gets a reply - even if it's a no thanks. Are you, when all is said and done, any further ahead in the game than you would have been if you hadn't received a reply? Rhetorical question of course - we already knew the answer and so did you. so the real question is - why does it matter to you? What im saying is politeness costs nothing, if someone has read a profile and written a polite message, then i think a polite reply isnt too much to ask for, even if its a no thanks. And i would never write "fancy a fuck", because im not that rude. So get off your high horse, i was asking a general question, not having a go at people!!! " Just because you decide to write does not mean I have to reply... it is your choice to write my choice not to reply, if you can't deal with it maybe stop emailing people. You many find it rude for people not to reply I do not find it rude to not reply and on it goes... take the no reply as a no and move on  | |||
"To be honest, you can't win either way. If I reply with a no thanks, I get abuse, and if I don't reply, I get abuse. I wish people would understand this site is about fun. Not getting a shag is not the end of the world." exactly where the hand clap moticon when you need it  | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Did you answer my question about the pizza company?" Your analogy with a pizza company is slightly flawed, IMHO. The pizza company is advertising, in the same way people advertise on here, by sending out the leaflets. Contrary to your scenario, they are expecting replies, hopefully from people who they will be able to reach mutually beneficial agreements with. Let's say two people ring the pizza company after reading their advertisement. The first says simply "Gimme a pizza". The second details the crust type, toppings, size, gives his delivery details and waits for the pizza company to respond. If the first person gets the phone put down on him without a response, fair enough, he's not exactly made much effort. The second, however, should be at least given the courtesy of some sort of reply, even if the pizza company is out of erm, pizzas or whatever. Maybe the caller has even dialled the launderette next door by mistake, is a polite response too much to ask? Pizzas aside, there are filters you can use here to cut down the unsuitable mails you might get. If you don't want to hear from people over 40, block them, simple as that. Better still, don't advertise, then you won't have the awful chore of having to reply to lots of mails. Finding good, honest people to have fun with is just as difficult here as out in the real world, it requires effort, from both parties. Having great tits helps, but it doesn't make you exempt from being polite. If someone says hello to me in the street, I reply, even if they look like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. It's common courtesy, something sadly lacking in the world today. Just because it's easier to be an ignorant tosser online doesn't mean that's the way to behave. Of course, if composing a relevant, valid, informative message to someone's advert and then expecting at the very least a polite "Thanks, but no thanks" (fucking hell, that took all of a couple of seconds to type) is considered to be "too needy", perhaps people should try the cut-and-paste scattergun approach. The law of averages says that sooner or later you will score, so perhaps it is the better way to reply to adverts? Less time wasted on both sides! There is, obviously, a vital caveat here. My comments are aimed at people who ADVERTISE to meet, but then seem bewildered when people of all shapes, sizes, colours and ages reply. If you can't handle the deluge, why bother? Unsolicited mail from people who don't fit your profile requirements are another story. My final point is that you reap what you sow. Being an ignorant arse will inevitably bring you into contact with other ignorant arses, so don't be upset if someone jumps up after sex, wipes his cock on the curtains and leaves without saying anything. Are they obliged to be polite? Why should they care? There are couples on this site, (one who even had the gall to put "We ALWAYS reply to messages" on their profile, when this was actually a lie) who don't find it so acceptable when the boot is on the other foot. Imagine their advert garners a response from a stunningly attractive local couple, but after a couple of mails, they find themselves being ignored. Reading the increasingly frustrated mail they send out to the attractive couple as they try to figure out what they've said wrong is hilarious. Ahem, I mean, I imagine it is | |||
"Did you answer my question about the pizza company? Your analogy with a pizza company is slightly flawed, IMHO. The pizza company is advertising, in the same way people advertise on here, by sending out the leaflets. Contrary to your scenario, they are expecting replies, hopefully from people who they will be able to reach mutually beneficial agreements with. Let's say two people ring the pizza company after reading their advertisement. The first says simply "Gimme a pizza". The second details the crust type, toppings, size, gives his delivery details and waits for the pizza company to respond. If the first person gets the phone put down on him without a response, fair enough, he's not exactly made much effort. The second, however, should be at least given the courtesy of some sort of reply, even if the pizza company is out of erm, pizzas or whatever. Maybe the caller has even dialled the launderette next door by mistake, is a polite response too much to ask? Pizzas aside, there are filters you can use here to cut down the unsuitable mails you might get. If you don't want to hear from people over 40, block them, simple as that. Better still, don't advertise, then you won't have the awful chore of having to reply to lots of mails. Finding good, honest people to have fun with is just as difficult here as out in the real world, it requires effort, from both parties. Having great tits helps, but it doesn't make you exempt from being polite. If someone says hello to me in the street, I reply, even if they look like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. It's common courtesy, something sadly lacking in the world today. Just because it's easier to be an ignorant tosser online doesn't mean that's the way to behave. Of course, if composing a relevant, valid, informative message to someone's advert and then expecting at the very least a polite "Thanks, but no thanks" (fucking hell, that took all of a couple of seconds to type) is considered to be "too needy", perhaps people should try the cut-and-paste scattergun approach. The law of averages says that sooner or later you will score, so perhaps it is the better way to reply to adverts? Less time wasted on both sides! There is, obviously, a vital caveat here. My comments are aimed at people who ADVERTISE to meet, but then seem bewildered when people of all shapes, sizes, colours and ages reply. If you can't handle the deluge, why bother? Unsolicited mail from people who don't fit your profile requirements are another story. My final point is that you reap what you sow. Being an ignorant arse will inevitably bring you into contact with other ignorant arses, so don't be upset if someone jumps up after sex, wipes his cock on the curtains and leaves without saying anything. Are they obliged to be polite? Why should they care? There are couples on this site, (one who even had the gall to put "We ALWAYS reply to messages" on their profile, when this was actually a lie) who don't find it so acceptable when the boot is on the other foot. Imagine their advert garners a response from a stunningly attractive local couple, but after a couple of mails, they find themselves being ignored. Reading the increasingly frustrated mail they send out to the attractive couple as they try to figure out what they've said wrong is hilarious. Ahem, I mean, I imagine it is " I couldn't find the pizza quote on here, because it's too tricky to find on my phone... Which is what I use to do 99% of our "fabbing"... Oh and I'm timing this, but we'll come back to that. Anyway my point, I think you have the pizza quote arse about face. Tge single guys represent the pizza leaflets and the heinous "non repliers" represent tge person with a doormat full of leaflets. Now we may well be in the market for pizza, but first we've got to sift through all these leaflets... First off what's this? Thers a leaflet in here for vegan deliveries... We didn't even ask for that, oh hang on, heres one for dunkin doughnuts... And so on... Right! Now all I'm left with is 60+ leaflets... Oh hang on several more have come through while I've been sorting....1 for the local Italian too. Hold on, I recognise a couple of these, it's tge same company but now the offer has changed... And they are wondering why I haven't already been straight down to their shop after they so kindly went to the effort of putting a leaflet through a few hours earlier. one of them already thinks I'm a timewaster because after all, I was the one who said I wNted pizza and tge fact tgey have offered it (even though I didn't wNt their fish suprise topping) and I haven't bought it already is just wrong.
Finally I have a list of possibles... Oops, but wait, I can't just discard all the irrelevant ones... Tgey took the time send a leaflet to me I have to reply to them, I mean how rude of me not to. So I'll get my default thanks but no thanks and send it off to them.
Right back to the potentials.... Hang on more stuff in the letterbox..... Do I really need to go on?
I started this at 9:22 according to my phone it's now 9:42.
Sorry but we either change the space time continuum to allow tgere to be more seconds in tge spare time I have or just accept that no response means thanks but no thanks.
If someone doesn't reply to us I accept tgey are either busy, no longer intrested or have a better offer. I think people would live longer if they stopped worrying about inane stuff like people replying to their emails.
You'll be asking Camelot to write to you apologising for your lack of win on the lottery next.
Sorry rant overs - I hate rants as tgey make people generally look like idiots but this subject has been done to death. Get over it.
D
9:48 now... | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"i don't always reply if its a two or three word message, my age limit starts at 35 so why send a message if your 19, and three times today ive recieved messages from men who have won't meet smokers and my profile says i smoke so you just never know why people don't respond! I do try to respond to messages that are polite and say more than wanna fuck! xxx juney "But on your profile you have met guys under your stated age limit!! So you cant blame guys for messaging you and trying there luck can you?... | |||
| |||
"Did you answer my question about the pizza company? Your analogy with a pizza company is slightly flawed, IMHO. The pizza company is advertising, in the same way people advertise on here, by sending out the leaflets. Contrary to your scenario, they are expecting replies, hopefully from people who they will be able to reach mutually beneficial agreements with. Let's say two people ring the pizza company after reading their advertisement. The first says simply "Gimme a pizza". The second details the crust type, toppings, size, gives his delivery details and waits for the pizza company to respond. If the first person gets the phone put down on him without a response, fair enough, he's not exactly made much effort. The second, however, should be at least given the courtesy of some sort of reply, even if the pizza company is out of erm, pizzas or whatever. Maybe the caller has even dialled the launderette next door by mistake, is a polite response too much to ask? Pizzas aside, there are filters you can use here to cut down the unsuitable mails you might get. If you don't want to hear from people over 40, block them, simple as that. Better still, don't advertise, then you won't have the awful chore of having to reply to lots of mails. Finding good, honest people to have fun with is just as difficult here as out in the real world, it requires effort, from both parties. Having great tits helps, but it doesn't make you exempt from being polite. If someone says hello to me in the street, I reply, even if they look like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. It's common courtesy, something sadly lacking in the world today. Just because it's easier to be an ignorant tosser online doesn't mean that's the way to behave. Of course, if composing a relevant, valid, informative message to someone's advert and then expecting at the very least a polite "Thanks, but no thanks" (fucking hell, that took all of a couple of seconds to type) is considered to be "too needy", perhaps people should try the cut-and-paste scattergun approach. The law of averages says that sooner or later you will score, so perhaps it is the better way to reply to adverts? Less time wasted on both sides! There is, obviously, a vital caveat here. My comments are aimed at people who ADVERTISE to meet, but then seem bewildered when people of all shapes, sizes, colours and ages reply. If you can't handle the deluge, why bother? Unsolicited mail from people who don't fit your profile requirements are another story. My final point is that you reap what you sow. Being an ignorant arse will inevitably bring you into contact with other ignorant arses, so don't be upset if someone jumps up after sex, wipes his cock on the curtains and leaves without saying anything. Are they obliged to be polite? Why should they care? There are couples on this site, (one who even had the gall to put "We ALWAYS reply to messages" on their profile, when this was actually a lie) who don't find it so acceptable when the boot is on the other foot. Imagine their advert garners a response from a stunningly attractive local couple, but after a couple of mails, they find themselves being ignored. Reading the increasingly frustrated mail they send out to the attractive couple as they try to figure out what they've said wrong is hilarious. Ahem, I mean, I imagine it is I couldn't find the pizza quote on here, because it's too tricky to find on my phone... Which is what I use to do 99% of our "fabbing"... Oh and I'm timing this, but we'll come back to that. Anyway my point, I think you have the pizza quote arse about face. Tge single guys represent the pizza leaflets and the heinous "non repliers" represent tge person with a doormat full of leaflets. Now we may well be in the market for pizza, but first we've got to sift through all these leaflets... First off what's this? Thers a leaflet in here for vegan deliveries... We didn't even ask for that, oh hang on, heres one for dunkin doughnuts... And so on... Right! Now all I'm left with is 60+ leaflets... Oh hang on several more have come through while I've been sorting....1 for the local Italian too. Hold on, I recognise a couple of these, it's tge same company but now the offer has changed... And they are wondering why I haven't already been straight down to their shop after they so kindly went to the effort of putting a leaflet through a few hours earlier. one of them already thinks I'm a timewaster because after all, I was the one who said I wNted pizza and tge fact tgey have offered it (even though I didn't wNt their fish suprise topping) and I haven't bought it already is just wrong.
Finally I have a list of possibles... Oops, but wait, I can't just discard all the irrelevant ones... Tgey took the time send a leaflet to me I have to reply to them, I mean how rude of me not to. So I'll get my default thanks but no thanks and send it off to them.
Right back to the potentials.... Hang on more stuff in the letterbox..... Do I really need to go on?
I started this at 9:22 according to my phone it's now 9:42.
Sorry but we either change the space time continuum to allow tgere to be more seconds in tge spare time I have or just accept that no response means thanks but no thanks.
If someone doesn't reply to us I accept tgey are either busy, no longer intrested or have a better offer. I think people would live longer if they stopped worrying about inane stuff like people replying to their emails.
You'll be asking Camelot to write to you apologising for your lack of win on the lottery next.
Sorry rant overs - I hate rants as tgey make people generally look like idiots but this subject has been done to death. Get over it.
D
9:48 now..."Thank you...i didnt have the energy to reply to someone who couldnt understand a simple analogy...you put it brilliantly | |||
"Rider - lets say the world is how you'd like it to be, and every message you send gets a reply - even if it's a no thanks. Are you, when all is said and done, any further ahead in the game than you would have been if you hadn't received a reply? Rhetorical question of course - we already knew the answer and so did you. so the real question is - why does it matter to you? What im saying is politeness costs nothing, if someone has read a profile and written a polite message, then i think a polite reply isnt too much to ask for, even if its a no thanks. And i would never write "fancy a fuck", because im not that rude. So get off your high horse, i was asking a general question, not having a go at people!!! " Look mate, I think a polite reply all too often IS TOO MUCH TO ASK. I hate using caps usually, but my head is getting sick of that brick wall, it causes nothing but grief. My reasoning is simple;- I get probably between perhaps 8 and 20 messages a day. Let's say about a dozen on average ok? Couples are outnumbered by single guys probably by about fifteen to one (like the gameshow) single ladies maybe fifty or sixty to one and that's a conservative estimate on my part. Going on this rationale, couples receive almost 200 messages a day, single ladies close to a thousand. Now let's put them into perspective and say that half of them are the fancy a fuck variety, the lowest common denominator if you will. Straight in the bin, no question. Out of the remainder the next lowest would be from those with a silhuoette pic and a few lines of text on their profile which, while polite I grant you, hardly scream out that the profile owner has an overcharged sexual imagination and verifications to back this up. Sadly while you may be the greatest lover since Casanova, your profile puts you slap bang in this catagory. The couples still have 100 emails remaining, the single ladies 500. To respond with a polite "no thanks" takes less than a minute, true, but add those numbers up. The couple would have to take over an hour replying to all those messages accordingly, not counting the longer replies to guys who actually interest them. The single lass would spend about 6 hours a day doing so. And all the while fresh messages wouldbe pouring in, as they were online, and they could forget the forums, forget the cam rooms, if they have any chance of a life outside swinging or a family job etc they can forget the actual business of meets too. What fun, eh? This isn't going to happen so sacrifices must be made, and you my chum are a sacrificial lamb, simply because your major selling point, your profile, says sweet nowt. You and every other hundreds of guys that message per day say, " but what about me? Manners cost nothing"...They bloody well do when they cost you every bit of spare time you have. So I'm sorry if this sounds nasty and believe me I know when you've just joined as a single guy it can be frustrating, but you're the one who needs to get off his high horse. You are NOT owed replies, not when its to the detriment of someone else's social life. Rather than bleating about it you simply have to accept it is a fact of life and move on. Rather than think about what others could be doing to make this site nicer for you at their cost (for if they reply to your messages they have to reply to all the others that aren't plain rude, you can't be singled out for special treatment) you need to be thinking about what YOU can do to make this site nicer for yourself. An avatar would be a good start. Sorry if it feels like I'm getting at you mate,I wish you every success, but that's simply the way it is. Whew! Rant over. Now to enjoy being a thoroughly nice bloke again... | |||
| |||
"We will reply if someone has obviously taken the time to read our profile and sent us a decent message. Will just delete if it's a one liner, copy & paste job or they haven't included a face pic." Thats why i wonder what the OP's messages are like could that be the answer etc | |||
| |||
| |||
"Do single females really get 1000 messages a day? From new people? Really? How many active members are there on the site? Honest question..." and a valid one, yet can also ask how many peeps read profiles before deciding to message or wink?? why should peeps reply if the sender doesnt meet stated criteria (age, gender, etc ... tho accept only recipient can comment on suitability of looks) ... we get guys 9and yes some couples too) message us wanting to meet when our profile clearly sets out what we are looking for | |||
"Do single females really get 1000 messages a day? From new people? Really? How many active members are there on the site? Honest question..." I think it would probably vary. However I'm just using the numbers available to reach a logical conclusion. I get about a dozen a day on average. Multiply that by 60 odd which I reckon as I single guy is the ratio of men to women. Truth be told it will probably vary from ladies who get about 500 a day to ladies who get 2000 a day, depending on profile and how many demographs they appeal to. New women will probably receive around 2000 a day without even putting a pic up as lots will see them as "fresh meat" and want to get in there before the hordes. A new woman with a pic up? God only knows, but my guess would be anything up to 5000.... Works out about | |||
| |||
"Do single females really get 1000 messages a day? From new people? Really? How many active members are there on the site? Honest question... I think it would probably vary. However I'm just using the numbers available to reach a logical conclusion. I get about a dozen a day on average. Multiply that by 60 odd which I reckon as I single guy is the ratio of men to women. Truth be told it will probably vary from ladies who get about 500 a day to ladies who get 2000 a day, depending on profile and how many demographs they appeal to. New women will probably receive around 2000 a day without even putting a pic up as lots will see them as "fresh meat" and want to get in there before the hordes. A new woman with a pic up? God only knows, but my guess would be anything up to 5000.... Works out about" A dozen messages a day as a single male? Well done that man! | |||
| |||
"I get about 10 a day, perhaps more when I'm online. I am sure when I finally change my profile to 'can accommodate' I'll be crushed in the stampede though. "See, thats also a big factor. When out and about (which is a lot of my life) I have fab loaded onto my blackberry so I am online a hell of a lot. This might be big part of why I receive this many, which while not a massive amount seems to be a lot for a single male... Its ideal for me really as I honestly could not be arsed replying to hundreds and thousands like the other poor demographs. I like to write a fairly well-crafted reply and simply would not have the time to do this en-masse, so I have some sympathy for the single female in particular... | |||
| |||
"i get up to 250 a day some days and as much as i would love to reply i just dont get the time" They can't all be 'new' people making first contact though surely? That would mean you are getting up to 90,000 approaches per year, which unless your profile was very 'open' and you were receiving messages from everyone in the UK (and beyond), seems a bit high. I suspect whilst people do get a lot of messages, the messages from people who DO match the profile and have taken the time to construct a pleasant opening exchange will be significantly lower in nearly all cases. On AFF (and others) there is a star system of seeing how 'compatible' two profiles are, and maybe this is the bit that would be helpful in ing through the responses. | |||
| |||
"And why should they reply exactly? " + 1 | |||
"i get up to 250 a day some days and as much as i would love to reply i just dont get the time They can't all be 'new' people making first contact though surely? That would mean you are getting up to 90,000 approaches per year, which unless your profile was very 'open' and you were receiving messages from everyone in the UK (and beyond), seems a bit high. I suspect whilst people do get a lot of messages, the messages from people who DO match the profile and have taken the time to construct a pleasant opening exchange will be significantly lower in nearly all cases. On AFF (and others) there is a star system of seeing how 'compatible' two profiles are, and maybe this is the bit that would be helpful in ing through the responses." As a woman who's been on AFF and a paying memeber the star rating means nothing when it comes down to being messaged the same probelms lots can't send messages or look at profiles so when you go their chat you get bombarded with incoming chat requests you can't possibly answer them. I have to also say even having said no thanks to people they don't remember and send the same messages again in time and that's on all sites | |||
| |||
| |||
"the thing i don't get is this.... is a mail saying "no thank you" really going to make someone feel any better than not getting a reply..... its still the same result... and all you end up doing is engaging with someone you don't really want to engage with....." because...and this is just a personal theory, they dont really expect no thanks, or one where no means no, after all everyone knows women on a swinging site drop their knickers to anyone who asks | |||
"Thank you...i didnt have the energy to reply to someone who couldnt understand a simple analogy...you put it brilliantly" Oh, I understood the analogy that was being put forward, just, however it wasn't an accurate one and made no sense when transposed. That's the killer requirement, I find.
Why reply? Because it's good manners, and if you give a little, you get a little back somewhere down the line, and I'd hazard a guess that most of us are partial to a little courtesy in all areas of our lives. Or are we all hardened now when it comes to that sort of nonsense? Perhaps I’m out of touch in this digital age?
As has been said, if you don't want a one-liner or a cut-and-paste message, then you surely have a responsibility to type a few words back? Not protracted exchanges, not War & Peace, not detailed breakdown of what you don't like about someone, just acknowledge that someone has taken the time and effort to fulfill the requirements stated in your ad, decline, then everyone knows the score.
If you are getting 100s and 100s of replies every day, I'd suggest that you haven't used any of the ad filters, so it'll be no surprise that everyone and his brother will be mailing you. If it appears your only requirements are “Male and aged between 18 and 99”, a chap isn’t going to have to think too long and hard about whether he fits the bill, don’t be surprised if the replies mirror your apparent lack of choosiness.
Should you be looking for a 7' black dwarf with blond hair, state it in your ad, and if a 6' white redhead replies, then ignoring the mail, deleting and blocking is perfectly acceptable - I'm not suggesting you should reply to EVERY message, including the unsuitable ones.
When a 7' dwarf does reply though, but is the spitting image of your Dad, and the last thing you want to do is to get in the sack with him, you really should take 10 seconds or so and type something back to recognise the fact he's read your requirements, but hasn't made the shortlist (geddit? shortlist, pffft), then block, so you don't get drawn into a pointless exchange over reasons.
Does it make someone feel better to get a "No thanks" than an ignored mail? To me, yes, it does, but then I'm a big boy now and can take a straight refusal on the chin and move on without rancour. I’m old fashioned like that - I also expect that when I say hello to someone, they acknowledge the greeting, not just blank me because they don’t want to engage with me. More fool me, eh?
To throw another analogy into the mix here (probably unwisely, given the standard of comprehension around here, but meh...), it's like when you get cut up at a roundabout and the other driver just looks dead ahead and ignores you as you venture out loud how reprehensible his driving is. It's a different story when they raise their hand and show a bit of courtesy, even if after the event, isn't it? It makes you see that the other person isn’t a total ignorant fuckwit, and you move on (unless he ran you off the road.)
Despite me spending a fair while typing this essay, this site plays a tiny part in my sex life (oo-er!), so believe it or not, I'm not totally twisted out of shape by whether people bother to respond or not, it simply ensures this site will never be more than a lowest-common-denominator, mass market melee of white noise - which is a shame, because there are some good people who frequent Fabswingers. Then again, I am getting what I pay for, ha ha!
I suppose the way my mails are handled does help distinguish the people who I may/may not be compatible with but who possibly decide I'm not for them, and people who are perhaps just slack-jawed ignorant cunts who think that little things like manners and respect are at odds with their hectic and fun-filled social lives. The line isn’t a fine one.
I'd suggest that certain people actually enjoy getting "more mail than they can handle", it does their egos good. If that's the case, good for them, it's better than them whining to the NHS for prescriptions or therapy.
Let's hope they don't get stood up when meeting, by someone who takes one look, thinks "Eeeeeew" and turns on their heel without a word. Ms Karma’s a bitch when she buckles up her strap-on.
Back to common courtesy again, give a little out and the world is an altogether better place.
Happy New Year, one and all.
| |||
"the thing i don't get is this.... is a mail saying "no thank you" really going to make someone feel any better than not getting a reply..... its still the same result... and all you end up doing is engaging with someone you don't really want to engage with..... because...and this is just a personal theory, they dont really expect no thanks, or one where no means no, after all everyone knows women on a swinging site drop their knickers to anyone who asks "+1 | |||
"Oh, I understood the analogy that was being put forward, just, however it wasn't an accurate one and made no sense when transposed. That's the killer requirement, I find.
Goes on for quite some time.....
Back to common courtesy again, give a little out and the world is an altogether better place.
Happy New Year, one and all.
"Don't hold back hun, tell us how you really feel. The thing is, and I'll probably come across as a slack jawed cunt, in your Wildean phrasing, but this site actually has on its FAQ that a reply is not required. So if that means I am not on your top ten list of women to pester, then oh well! | |||
"Oh, I understood the analogy that was being put forward, just, however it wasn't an accurate one and made no sense when transposed. That's the killer requirement, I find.
Goes on for quite some time.....
Back to common courtesy again, give a little out and the world is an altogether better place.
Happy New Year, one and all.
Don't hold back hun, tell us how you really feel.
The thing is, and I'll probably come across as a slack jawed cunt, in your Wildean phrasing, but this site actually has on its FAQ that a reply is not required. So if that means I am not on your top ten list of women to pester, then oh well!"*Giggles*...succinctly, if crudely put! | |||
| |||
| |||
" Don't hold back hun, tell us how you really feel. The thing is, and I'll probably come across as a slack jawed cunt, in your Wildean phrasing, but this site actually has on its FAQ that a reply is not required. So if that means I am not on your top ten list of women to pester, then oh well!" I assure you, you aren't my type, but it's interesting that you use the term "pester". Let's say that I fell within the parameters laid out in your ad, you think I'd be pestering you if I mailed you? Ri-ight, I think that for those of us who read and digest a profile, compose a relevant reply and wait for a response, your choice of phrase tells us everything we need to know - it's seen as pestering people. And you wonder why some people don't put any effort into reading profiles and then their messages? You reap what you sow... | |||
| |||
xx | |||
what i don't get is if it clearly says on profile no single males wanted why mail !!!!! u r likely to get no reply xx
| |||
"Gawd, you're a barrel of laughs aren't you? I would say I apologise for not using the precise phrase you would have approved of, but I'm not that bothered. Oh, and when someone messages me, and I say 'no thanks, and they say 'why not' and I say 'because you aren't my type/are too far away/cannot accommodate/obviously haven't read my profile' and they say 'well make an exception for me' and on and on and flippin' ad nauseum then yes, it is pestering. So actually I think I'll stick with that word after all." Hmmmm, you are making a huge assumption there, namely that I would want to enter into a protracted exchange about why I was turned down, despite me saying categorically above that I can take a polite rejection on the chin and move on, just like most other normal chaps. It happens a lot in "real life" too, believe it or not. Read back, I think you'll find I have stated more than once that I have no sympathy for the whingers, nor for those who fire off a message when they clearly don't qualify. Indeed that would qualify as pestering, but there are ways to stop that before it even happens, should it be that prevalent. If I was in the awful position of having to endure hundreds of messages, I think I'd use the tools provided on the site - say no thanks, then hit the Block button. After all, if someone doesn't fit the bill, doesn't warrant going on my "When they can accomodate" list, are they likely to suddenly interest me at a later date? Very unlikely... | |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored "Pretty much sums it up... | |||
"I know some single women and couples get lots of messages from single guys, but if they arent intrested surley a polite no thanks isnt too hard to ask for? Its only two small words.... Rider x "Do you send a letter back to all your junk mail with the words, "Thanks but no thanks" on it? Cus that's what messages are....... unsolicited Junk mail. They are junk mail UNTIL the receiver has decided that they may take someone up on the offer laid in front of them. At THAT point it becomes a matter of politeness if they don't wish to carry on with any further engagement. | |||
| |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored "Maybe there should be a stock reply so all the ones you know are not for you. You can just tick all the box's and say anything you wish to say no thanks. That way you can clear all of them in one go and they will know that your not interested.. ? | |||
"We will send a polite reply if the person has taken the time to read our profile and send us a message, as this is about hmmmm 1% of male FAB users we dont respond often. Here is something fun to try for all you women/MF couples try changing your profile picture and watch exactly the same messages from the same people come in all over again, people dont even take 30 seconds to look at the profile just right click/send message so why should we feel obligated to do anymore ourselves ?" +1 Dyslexia seems to get worse around and after pub closing time. | |||
| |||
"Thank you...i didnt have the energy to reply to someone who couldnt understand a simple analogy...you put it brilliantly Oh, I understood the analogy that was being put forward, just, however it wasn't an accurate one and made no sense when transposed. That's the killer requirement, I find.
Why reply? Because it's good manners, and if you give a little, you get a little back somewhere down the line, and I'd hazard a guess that most of us are partial to a little courtesy in all areas of our lives. Or are we all hardened now when it comes to that sort of nonsense? Perhaps I’m out of touch in this digital age?
As has been said, if you don't want a one-liner or a cut-and-paste message, then you surely have a responsibility to type a few words back? Not protracted exchanges, not War & Peace, not detailed breakdown of what you don't like about someone, just acknowledge that someone has taken the time and effort to fulfill the requirements stated in your ad, decline, then everyone knows the score.
If you are getting 100s and 100s of replies every day, I'd suggest that you haven't used any of the ad filters, so it'll be no surprise that everyone and his brother will be mailing you. If it appears your only requirements are “Male and aged between 18 and 99”, a chap isn’t going to have to think too long and hard about whether he fits the bill, don’t be surprised if the replies mirror your apparent lack of choosiness.
Should you be looking for a 7' black dwarf with blond hair, state it in your ad, and if a 6' white redhead replies, then ignoring the mail, deleting and blocking is perfectly acceptable - I'm not suggesting you should reply to EVERY message, including the unsuitable ones.
When a 7' dwarf does reply though, but is the spitting image of your Dad, and the last thing you want to do is to get in the sack with him, you really should take 10 seconds or so and type something back to recognise the fact he's read your requirements, but hasn't made the shortlist (geddit? shortlist, pffft), then block, so you don't get drawn into a pointless exchange over reasons.
Does it make someone feel better to get a "No thanks" than an ignored mail? To me, yes, it does, but then I'm a big boy now and can take a straight refusal on the chin and move on without rancour. I’m old fashioned like that - I also expect that when I say hello to someone, they acknowledge the greeting, not just blank me because they don’t want to engage with me. More fool me, eh?
To throw another analogy into the mix here (probably unwisely, given the standard of comprehension around here, but meh...), it's like when you get cut up at a roundabout and the other driver just looks dead ahead and ignores you as you venture out loud how reprehensible his driving is. It's a different story when they raise their hand and show a bit of courtesy, even if after the event, isn't it? It makes you see that the other person isn’t a total ignorant fuckwit, and you move on (unless he ran you off the road.)
Despite me spending a fair while typing this essay, this site plays a tiny part in my sex life (oo-er!), so believe it or not, I'm not totally twisted out of shape by whether people bother to respond or not, it simply ensures this site will never be more than a lowest-common-denominator, mass market melee of white noise - which is a shame, because there are some good people who frequent Fabswingers. Then again, I am getting what I pay for, ha ha!
I suppose the way my mails are handled does help distinguish the people who I may/may not be compatible with but who possibly decide I'm not for them, and people who are perhaps just slack-jawed ignorant cunts who think that little things like manners and respect are at odds with their hectic and fun-filled social lives. The line isn’t a fine one.
I'd suggest that certain people actually enjoy getting "more mail than they can handle", it does their egos good. If that's the case, good for them, it's better than them whining to the NHS for prescriptions or therapy.
Let's hope they don't get stood up when meeting, by someone who takes one look, thinks "Eeeeeew" and turns on their heel without a word. Ms Karma’s a bitch when she buckles up her strap-on.
Back to common courtesy again, give a little out and the world is an altogether better place.
Happy New Year, one and all.
"Common courtesy my arse. Do you expect couples to spend an hour a day replying to all mails? Single fems 5 or 6 hours a day? I really can't be fucked going into the maths as I've done it time and time again whenever someone starts to bleat about "manners costing nothing." "What if they've written a decent message though?" is the next little whinge. Right back to getting pizza shop flyers through your door. You don't fancy pizza. Do you throw all the crap looking leaflets in the bin and ring all the ones with decent graphics on to say, hey, I'm really not hungry tonight, but thanks"....Do you bollocks. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I get about 10 a day, perhaps more when I'm online. I am sure when I finally change my profile to 'can accommodate' I'll be crushed in the stampede though. "Oops replied and used the wrong words so lets try again shall we
Hence though my son has moved out, I am still leaving myself as 'cannot accommodate' plus its stops all those messages from single guys wanting to come round mine at all hours of the day and night, like one I got not long after I registered on Fab, who asked for my post code and house number and said he would be round at 10am well, good job I wasn't naieve enough to be that stupid | |||
"I get about 10 a day, perhaps more when I'm online. I am sure when I finally change my profile to 'can accommodate' I'll be crushed in the stampede though.
Oops replied and used the wrong words so lets try again shall we
Hence though my son has moved out, I am still leaving myself as 'cannot accommodate' plus its stops all those messages from single guys wanting to come round mine at all hours of the day and night, like one I got not long after I registered on Fab, who asked for my post code and house number and said he would be round at 10am well, good job I wasn't naieve enough to be that stupid "Exactly. As a single woman I think I'd prefer to keep my house details to myself. | |||
| |||
"I know some single women and couples get lots of messages from single guys, but if they arent intrested surley a polite no thanks isnt too hard to ask for? Its only two small words.... Rider x "Why woud you want to be told , surely its clear when you don't get a reply . Move on . Try the 3 strikes and your out rule that should really clear up all the confusion . | |||
"It aint gonna happen, some people get a huge amount of messages, if i reply i just get another asking why...so they get ignored "Me too. so I don't even bother now | |||
"I know some single women and couples get lots of messages from single guys, but if they arent intrested surley a polite no thanks isnt too hard to ask for? Its only two small words.... Rider x "Mate get over it. Speaking from experiance from being on here as a couple there are a couple of reasons why we never used to reply to people we aren't interested in. First because probably more than half the messages hadn't read the profile properly Second because there are people who don't take rejection kindly and get abusive. Because at times we got lots of messages and i've got better things to do than worry about massaging someone's ego. Because it said on our profile if we don't reply we're not interested. Because some of the messages didn't have pics and there were none on their profile. Why would we entertain someone we can't see?! Because some of the messages were from people who had been on the site for a year or more with no veri's The list goes on and on. The women and couples have a wide audience to choose from and besides that so what if they don't reply? Just move onto the next person. | |||
| |||
