FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > hubby wants me to stop
hubby wants me to stop
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What kind of advice are you looking for?
To me, simply going by your post, its easy....
Stop and save your marriage.
Continue and your marriage will end.
Whats more important to you? You marriage, your husband, your son, your family life?
Or fucking strangers?
Only you can answer that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help!"
If master asked me to stop, I'd stop... the fun I have with others is nothing like what I have with my master...
If what you have with your husband is less important than swinging.... then economics or not you should think about why your together...
Swinging is meant to be an addition to your life... not the be all and end all...
Katie x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If what you have with your husband is less important than swinging.... then economics or not you should think about why your together...
Swinging is meant to be an addition to your life... not the be all and end all...
Katie x "
Totally agree ^^^^^^ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
whilst i have never played seriously as a couple (did have a brief relationship with someone on here but that doesnt count lol) i would have thought that at the end of the day if either side was no longer happy swinging then that is it, game over.
of course this is providing you are in a happy relationship.
to me it sems as if you need to go back and look at the relationship you and your husband have. are you happy with him when you are not swinging or talking about swinging or thinking about swinging? if you are using swinging to patch up a relationship then i think it is always set for failure.
economic situations aside if you are not happy with your husband, no matter how much you try to keep it from your child they will pick up on it
not an easy situation to be in and i really do hope you manage to get to a conclusion quickly |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hang on now, just for a minute why doesn't everybody get off their high horses!
The world is not black and white, relationships are complex as we all know, from personal experience and from others; you only have to look at the some of the threads on here to see that.
The OP has not really given much information as to their relationship, but im assuming that there are other issues too, not just swinging that maybe causing friction.
To say 'what is more important to you, your family or sex with random stranger's? ' or words to those effect shows a very narrow minded _iew of things.
We all have our own opinions, and god don't they sometimes come across  , but if you live in a world where everything is so simple, then what a charmed life you live !!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To me it is very simple... you swing as a couple then you both have to agree..
In reading the op profile it becomes a little clearer... and without making it personal, this will get messy.. swinging when in a couple with both parties aware is meant to give something to both...
Relationships do break down... but forcing your other half to allow you to swing inho is very wrong...
I actually find this is harder to understand than those that do it on the quiet... as doing something you know is causing your partner upset is just messed up.
I'd think long and hard.. but having read other posts the op has made, I think It's posts to make us all react like this..
Katie. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not on a high horse.
The op said in her opening post, her husband wants her to stop swinging. So she has 2 choices, stop or dont!
There is no inbetween choice. Unless she can get the husband to swing with her.
She has to make the choice on whats important in her life, wither that be her family or what is basically sex with strangers.
Though after reading the op's profile, sorry, but my personal opinion, is that the nail is in the coffin of her realationship. Her husband never wanted her to swing and now wants her to stop. If she chooses to stop, the ghost of her swinging will hang over them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hang on now, just for a minute why doesn't everybody get off their high horses!"
I can't see anyone on their high horse to be honest. To tell everybody to get off them is a wee bit confrontational.
Katie has stated that more information about the OP's relationship can be found on the profile.
To the OP. I seriously think you should really work out what is more important to you. You say you are married to a lovely guy but you choose to carry on doing something that clearly hurts him.
The fact that you have already weighed up the economics of affording separate homes says an awful lot about how you feel about your relationship.
There is no point in trying to make a marriage work if you are not 100% committed to respecting each others wishes.
As said before, you need to work out what is more important, your marriage or sex with strangers.
Good luck and I sincerely hope the both of you find a happy ending together or apart. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hang on now, just for a minute why doesn't everybody get off their high horses!
The world is not black and white, relationships are complex as we all know, from personal experience and from others; you only have to look at the some of the threads on here to see that.
The OP has not really given much information as to their relationship, but im assuming that there are other issues too, not just swinging that maybe causing friction.
To say 'what is more important to you, your family or sex with random stranger's? ' or words to those effect shows a very narrow minded _iew of things.
We all have our own opinions, and god don't they sometimes come across , but if you live in a world where everything is so simple, then what a charmed life you live !!!"
Well said..nothing is ever black and white, for the op to be on here in the first place indicates issues in the relationship...only you know what you want to do deep down..if you still want to be on here then maybe you need to call time on your marriage but if there is still love and friendship then perhaps you should come away from all this...even if you agree to on a trial basis to see how things go and find something else to fill the void, hope it works out how you want it too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not on a high horse.
The op said in her opening post, her husband wants her to stop swinging. So she has 2 choices, stop or dont!
There is no inbetween choice. Unless she can get the husband to swing with her.
She has to make the choice on whats important in her life, wither that be her family or what is basically sex with strangers.
Though after reading the op's profile, sorry, but my personal opinion, is that the nail is in the coffin of her realationship. Her husband never wanted her to swing and now wants her to stop. If she chooses to stop, the ghost of her swinging will hang over them."
Prehaps being with her family in the conventional sense is not all it seems ....and would not make her or them happy, ultimately .
maybe the OP does these posts for a reaction like Katie said, who knows....i just wish people would have a more open mind in general to other peoples situations x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
the only one on their high horse is the person telling others not to get on theirs. it seems simple to me. He went along with it and now it may be causing him pain to sit and watch. So time to choose is my opinion. But only my opinion |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
the only one on their high horse is the person telling others not to get on theirs
To be expected, as always!
Generally, im not a confrontational person, as someone else stated i appeared to be on this occasion.
It just really gets my back up when people who swinging works for can not for the life of them show any empathy for a relationship at the opposite end of the scale.
Anyway, that's my take on things, and my opinion... but do agree that it maybe time to choose between the two, but i very much doubt swinging will be the deciding factor in it all x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hang on now, just for a minute why doesn't everybody get off their high horses!
The world is not black and white, relationships are complex as we all know, from personal experience and from others; you only have to look at the some of the threads on here to see that.
The OP has not really given much information as to their relationship, but im assuming that there are other issues too, not just swinging that maybe causing friction.
To say 'what is more important to you, your family or sex with random stranger's? ' or words to those effect shows a very narrow minded _iew of things.
We all have our own opinions, and god don't they sometimes come across , but if you live in a world where everything is so simple, then what a charmed life you live !!!"
and where exactly was i on my high horse??
yes reationships are complex which s why it was suggested that the OP take a step back and focus on hers.
i dont think anyone has been narrowminded at all, just maybe offering some straight talking advice that she may have lost sight of since starting swinging. its very easy to get caught up in the excitement of meeting new people etc
if there are further problems in the relationship, swinging wont help them, it will only make them worse. bes thing is to stop, take stock of how things are and perhaps make some rather difficult descisions.
might not be the advice the OP or yoursefl were lookig for but then that was the point of putting this thread up wasnt it? to get other peoples _iews and thoughts on the situation??
now- where's my ladder - i'm getting vertigo up here  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
Just trying to weigh up the picture as your profile does not clarify:
Does your hubby swing also? (Whether he has a profile on fab or not irrelevant).
Do you meet others together, or separate meets?
And if yes to the first question (irrespective of the second) does that mean he only does not want you meeting, but has not said he will stop?
Just trying to see if it makes a difference to the dilemma. I may have it all wrong, but if its the situation I'm hoping its not, then he can sod off  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is why I stick to the 'would you fuck the 1 above' threads normally.
I really dont like contentious threads, must have got out bed on the wrong side the day, ive stuck my nose into a couple the day.
What empathy is the op showing to her husband? She is doing something that he was never happy with, and contiuning to do it.
Maybe I am being judgemental, but if you arent happy in your relationship, leave. Everytime she walks out that door to do a meet she is hurting the 'lovely guy' she married. Maybe I do see things in black and white, but if I loved someone and was doing something I knew was hurting them I would stop. Or I would look at the full picture, and maybe decide that as lovely as hes is and how much I loved him, if he wasnt fulfilling all my relationship needs, I would leave.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hang on now, just for a minute why doesn't everybody get off their high horses!
The world is not black and white, relationships are complex as we all know, from personal experience and from others; you only have to look at the some of the threads on here to see that.
The OP has not really given much information as to their relationship, but im assuming that there are other issues too, not just swinging that maybe causing friction.
To say 'what is more important to you, your family or sex with random stranger's? ' or words to those effect shows a very narrow minded _iew of things.
We all have our own opinions, and god don't they sometimes come across , but if you live in a world where everything is so simple, then what a charmed life you live !!!
and where exactly was i on my high horse??"
The EVERYBODY should have been some people, i wasn't actually referring to your post...it was a generalisation |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is why I stick to the 'would you fuck the 1 above' threads normally.
I really dont like contentious threads, must have got out bed on the wrong side the day, ive stuck my nose into a couple the day. "
Ditto , these threads are more hassle than they are worth ! lol
"Maybe I am being judgemental, but if you arent happy in your relationship, leave.
Or I would look at the full picture, and maybe decide that as lovely as hes is and how much I loved him, if he wasnt fulfilling all my relationship needs, I would leave.
"
Indeed, good sound thinking, which is exactly what i choose to do. has it worked out the way i wanted it too? to early to say...but i can no longer hurt the person who i loved (and still do) so deeply. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
think sometimes a few need to think of not what they say but how they put it across... does come across as greater than thou.!! To the op, only you can decide what is best for you, personally if it was me i would sit down and have a long conversation about it to my hubby, and decide together what is best for you both!! Good luck xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You need couple counselling,clearly if it is finances and your son keeping you together things are not great.
Relate are there ,and will not judge the swinging side,but u need to work things out at home,that's the number one priority.Perhaps he isn't the man for you,but deciet never works in the long run. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Speaking as someone who, before being on this site, was in the same position as the OP's husband. I found it very difficult dealing with the fact that my partner was doing this and not considering my feelings.
It certainly had a negative affect on my relationship, to the point where we split as he wasnt prepared to consider my feelings and stop.
I found it very hard to deal with the fact that I wasnt enough.
Clearly as is pretty obvious by the fact that I am now here myself and playing as a couple, my own _iews have been altered slightly. Myself and Mr Flirt met on here and Have both had (ive still got, but hidden) singles pages which we dont really use.
But if either of us was no longer happy with what we were doing etc and we ' ve talked about it, then we would leave straight away, no question.
Ill be honest when I started swinging, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to me, I thought why I hadnt been doing this all along? But as fun as it is, its a fun addition to the r/ship that we have, but at no point would I choose this over my r/ship if it came down to it.
Miss Flirt x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *edhotminxWoman
over a year ago
Turn left at the Singing Ringing Tree |
"if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help!"
I can empathise with your situation as my husband said I could go out and meet with others, then decided he wasn't happy about it all and asked me to stop. I made the decision not to stop and he's my ex now because I went ahead with divorce proceedings.
No-one will ever know what goes on within a marriage, behind closed doors. You know your reasons why you are swinging, and you will also know why you are having the time of your life now. However the high you may be experiencing by having sex with strangers isn't going to patch up what may or may not be missing in your relationship.
Sit down with your husband and discuss the whole thing. If one party isn't happy about the other swinging then, to be honest, it's game over. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Maybe ask yourself why you need the swinging?
If it is a get out of your 'normal' life, find something with your hubby that gives you the same. There is respite care etc for children and parents. I see you are from Edinburgh and I know of a few around here.
Or do you do it to make yourself feel more wanted and sexy maybe? Is it because the sex with your hubby doesn't give you anything?
Think either way, you will need to sit down with your man and sort things out.
Nothing in life is as important as family and children, never mind economics etc...
I would drop this straight away if hubby wasn't happy with it, out of respect and love to him!!
Someone also mentioned relate, maybe its a way forward as the swinging might hang over you guys forever 
I hope whatever choices you make, they will work out for you and you will be happy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I tried to empathise but if I am honest I struggled, I think it is a clear choice that has to be made. I feel for the husband as I read from the posts that the OP wants it all.
On another thread she mentions she had an affair as things were not good at home 3 years ago, hubby is blamed as he makes her feel hemmed in and she can't seem to stop herself.
She may also now be considering a gang bang from another thread ( so not just 1 guy to rub hubby's nose into but multiple ones ) so I am very sorry, I struggle feel any empathy for her as it seems all about her and her alone.
I mean no offence to the OP at all and wish her well and hope it resolves positively for all concerned. I did not assume or generalise in my orginal answer, I went with the opinion I had formed from the OP, her profile and her other forum posts and it will remain my opinion, nothing more-nothing else.
I did so without ripping other posters contributions to bits and eye rolling icons.
Again, I wish the OP and her family well. I am sure Relate would offer fantastic support and in total confidence. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Im sorry if this offends, but dont really want to bite my tounge on this thread anymore.
If some guy had come along and posted what is (to me) a whiney self indulgent post, he would have been hung drawn and quartered before we got 10 posts. The op wants her cake and to eat it. She wants her family life BUT she also wants to fuck strangers, even though her husband has asked her to stop. If the op was guy, the advice would have been oh its cheating, oh your poor wife, you have no respect for her.
Fair enough her husband knows whats she doing, but doesnt want her to be doing it, have some respect and love and understanding for the man you married, stop swinging(even though your having the time of your life) or leave him and give him the chance to find that respect, love and understanding with someone else. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Whats more important to you?
Your husband, kids and family or shagging around ?
I certainly know what my answer would be to that question .....
If one of us feels the need to stop, we would both stop, no arguments or hard feelings about it, but we value our relationship more than we value casual sex with people we don't know |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im sorry if this offends, but dont really want to bite my tounge on this thread anymore.
If some guy had come along and posted what is (to me) a whiney self indulgent post, he would have been hung drawn and quartered before we got 10 posts. The op wants her cake and to eat it. She wants her family life BUT she also wants to fuck strangers, even though her husband has asked her to stop. If the op was guy, the advice would have been oh its cheating, oh your poor wife, you have no respect for her.
Fair enough her husband knows whats she doing, but doesnt want her to be doing it, have some respect and love and understanding for the man you married, stop swinging(even though your having the time of your life) or leave him and give him the chance to find that respect, love and understanding with someone else."
Well said... my tongue is f**king killing here!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im sorry if this offends, but dont really want to bite my tounge on this thread anymore.
If some guy had come along and posted what is (to me) a whiney self indulgent post, he would have been hung drawn and quartered before we got 10 posts. The op wants her cake and to eat it. She wants her family life BUT she also wants to fuck strangers, even though her husband has asked her to stop. If the op was guy, the advice would have been oh its cheating, oh your poor wife, you have no respect for her.
Fair enough her husband knows whats she doing, but doesnt want her to be doing it, have some respect and love and understanding for the man you married, stop swinging(even though your having the time of your life) or leave him and give him the chance to find that respect, love and understanding with someone else.
Well said... my tongue is f**king killing here!!!"
I think I have teeth marks in mine!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help!"
After reading your Profile and you saying your Husband is a Lovely Man...It sounds to me like you want your Cake and eat it to.In Other words you want the security of your Husband And Family but have sex with Strangers at the same time all this sounds like it was never really disgust between you and your Husband.And this is defo not the right Place to ask for advice i would say a Marriage Councillor is more to the Point.That is my opinion of course |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help!"
You state in your profile that you have a disabled son and that you can't afford to run two homes.
You have obviously thought about leaving, so speak to the local Housing Association and tell them that you want to leave, or your hubby to leave, tbut you won't be able to afford the mortgage.
They will advise you on being housed when you are in immediate danger of being homeless.
There is never an excuse for a woman with kids not to leave a marriage, she will always be house due to the children.
Either get councelling and work at your marriage wiht your lovely hubby or speak to the benefits lines and the housing associations and get out.
Grey doesn't come into it......... your hubby has given you a black and white option.
Don't jerk him around anymore because if you do, (you've had his permission to do this in the past) you are no better than those that are sneaking around thinking that a swinging site is an easy shag and that their partner will never find out. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To me it sounds like you use swinging as an escapism away from the real world and the daily bind of life or maybe even depression. You really need to sit down and talk with your husband and reevaluate if your wanting different things maybe the relationship has run its course. But the more someone says dont the more you want to do. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I dont think you, the op, has given us much to go on. I have read your profile too. Every relationship is different and complicated. You have a special needs child too. I have worked with these children and take my hat off to you, that can be so tough, not just in an everyday way but the future is such a worry. I can understand the escapism element that swinging is offering you at the moment but would urge you to step back and reassess what it all means. Swinging is fun, but as a happily married woman. This may change if you havent got that relationship for the more important side of your life. Imagine the two choices. 1. stop swinging and sort out your relationship, sex wise as well as emotionally. Possible future together, with son.
2. carry on swinging and lose your relationship with your husband and possibly be left with just your son (or maybe without both of them). You may then find the solace of swinging a very empty one which soon runs its course.
I dont believe in black and white, just shades of grey so I am not judging you, having not walked in your shoes, but would urge you to consider every angle before deciding, then consider again. Imagine sharing a house but living separate lives.... did you see war of the roses? hope you and your family find happiness one way or another but consider the practicalities. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ps I think maybe you need to try and find time for you and your husband maybe he is feeling abandoned and neglected and maybe instead of meeting strangers try spicing things up with him maybe he could be your fantasy. Maybe work with a marrige councillor or sex therapist. I know your a mother first and this takes up a lot of your time but with everything going into your child and meeting strangers there is no time left for your husband and he needs to feel special too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
reading the op's profile im actually astounded how much people will share about their private lives on a sex site. amazing.
How hurtful to be the husband reading that profile.
To say you would love to be meeting all the time but cant because you have a brain damaged son it comes across that you cant wait to be away from your family at any oppurtunity to fulfil your own fantasies. Hard to feel much sympathy really. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help!"
so stop ..... simple or leave him and carry on |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"reading the op's profile im actually astounded how much people will share about their private lives on a sex site. amazing.
How hurtful to be the husband reading that profile.
To say you would love to be meeting all the time but cant because you have a brain damaged son it comes across that you cant wait to be away from your family at any oppurtunity to fulfil your own fantasies. Hard to feel much sympathy really."
Dont do that there maybe reasons why she is doing what shes doing she was asking for advice not judgement. I think maybe a cry for help. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"reading the op's profile im actually astounded how much people will share about their private lives on a sex site. amazing.
"
Your right there. And Facebook, it's suprising how many peole live every step of their life through it.
Beats the hell out of me why they do it ..... something lacking if you ask me  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
sorry i have no sympathy for the op or her husband . my sympathy is for the child they have ! stuck in the fall out of this mess! what the op and her husband do regards to their relationship is in their hands only no one elses ! they will do where they will do no matter . but this is obviously causing addition friction and tention at home and the childs gonna pick up on that ! thing with children is they will think they are responible for the issues ! does op really wanna subject her child to that just for her own selfish pleasures ? there is no grey here in my book ,doesnt matter state of affairs between my husband and i my child comes first above anything ! im sure the op will feel same about her child too.this really has nothing to do with what she wants or her husband wants regards swinging ,this is about as parents they should be doing to ensure their child isnt picking up the tab for the faults in their realionship.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"reading the op's profile im actually astounded how much people will share about their private lives on a sex site. amazing.
Your right there. And Facebook, it's suprising how many peole live every step of their life through it.
Beats the hell out of me why they do it ..... something lacking if you ask me "
it's mind-boggling. this is certainly not the place to be divulging in great detail information about your 'real' life. this site is full of freaks weirdos and assholes, i keep as much of my life private as possible, it's got nothing to do with wanting to have sex with people outside of my relationship. END OF RANT lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
They have a brain damaged disabled child of seven I dont know how much support they are having or if any rest bite so try not to judge this has a knock on effect and added pressure within the relationship. Like I say I think she is using swinging as an escapism but it is hurting her husband. And if all her time is spent on her child then her husband will feel abandoned even more so if she would rather meet strangers than dealing with problems at home. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i have just one Question..when you are out meeting Strangers for sex i presume your Husband is stopping at Home Looking after your Son.What does he to to get away from all the stress of your Son and you wanting to screw guy's 24/7.....so he is asking you to stop well the choice is yours at the end of the day,But if he does go what are you going to do then?when will you have the time for swinging and looking after your Son.And Trust me NOBODY on this site is worse losing everything over.You ask for advice and you getting it and i am sure you are not happy with some of the things you reading.But Hun you ask for it....My Humble Opinion of course |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The pleas for help in both OP profile, and posts are there..
Its distructive behaviour.. its trying to make herself feel better.. but having been there, done that, got the t shirt.. I know that all that happens in the end is you destroy your self worth, respect and begin to dislike yourself as much as you make others.
I know how hard it is to look after a special needs child..with serious disabilities.. I know because I am in that situation too.. I also know what its like to look for an escape from your life.. but the bit that I also know is how bad I was feeling in the end..
I nearly destroyed myself.. When My Master found me I was in a very bad way... using sex to make myself feel good.. but it wasnt working.. I could have lost everything.. but I had a good friend ( who later became my world) who saved me from losing it all..
to the OP.. yes people are being harsh.. but you do have to ask yourself what has been suggested..
What is more important.. What you have.. or what you could loose???
Really... its a hard world out there.. but you can manage if you need to by yourself.. but ask yourself quite seriously if that is what you want..
Maybe take a few weeks off the site, and talk to your husband about what your wanting from life.. Sort out a weekend away.. get your son looked after..as every parent needs some adult time.. but spend it together..
Why not go out and have a dirty weekend away.. treat yourself to something nice..and make yourself up bag.. get him to write down 5 things he wants to try with you, and you write down 5 things you want to do with him ( not involving others) be adventurous.. go out from the hotel and find somewhere out doors.. fool around.. have fun..and maybe you may just see that there is something left.
If however your staying out of feeling you have to.. then dont.. it only leads to resent.. and self destruction and in the end.. a child is better with two happy parents that live a part.. than two parents that are unhappy and together.
Katie. x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Just trying to weigh up the picture as your profile does not clarify:
Does your hubby swing also? (Whether he has a profile on fab or not irrelevant).
Do you meet others together, or separate meets?
And if yes to the first question (irrespective of the second) does that mean he only does not want you meeting, but has not said he will stop?
Just trying to see if it makes a difference to the dilemma. I may have it all wrong, but if its the situation I'm hoping its not, then he can sod off "
All very good questions it seems to me. And it's a shame that, as usual, people have chosen to air their own _iews and prejudices instead of answering the question that was asked.
The OP asked for help, which I'm not sure I'm qualified to provide. However the fundamental question that needs to be asked is why, if he was prepared to go along with it before, he has now changed his mind.
Asking us doesn't solve the problem. The question needs to be put directly to the OP's husband. And only the OP can do that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Not sure why your asking people in here what you should do at the end of the day only you can decide that but think your minds already made up in your own words your having the time of your life here so why would you want to change that when there is obviously something lacking at home ?... im pretty sure ul continue doing what your doing with terrible consiquences to your marraige so thats what YOU and YOU alone are going to have to live with . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help!"
It hurts like hell ive been on the other side trying to say dont have meets it hurts stop now if you love him work things out, and if you feel you have to split well you cant say you havnt tried good luck |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
seems to me that you knew when you started this that your husband didnt want you to do it but went ahead with it anyway wether you rub his nose in it or not as you say on your profile he is still aware you are doing this and it must hurt him i think he has gone along with it as he dosent want to loose you but seems very unfare on him and without you giving him any consideration i am not trying to judge you but think you should stop and try see a counsiler and sort out your relashionship at home |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Seems to me OP you need to have the courage of your convictions and leave your husband if you are unhappy with him instead of hanging onto him as a meal ticket.
No mention of staying with him because of your son or wanting to try and sort your marriage out.
You're there for "economic" reasons.
You are having the time of your life at the expense of his happiness and your family's.
One of you needs to grow a set and take charge of your life instead of putting it onto others to make the decisions for you.
Many women have walked away from a pay cheque and comfortable home with nothing but the clothes on their backs and made a new life for themselves.
Of course many more suck the life out of their husband till the next victim falls into their bed and they will hop onto him like a parasite.
Grow up is my advice to you and take responsibility for your own actions.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sounds like the husband has stuck in this, through the affair and trying the swinging in an effort to make things work. Resentment grows it could get to the point where the choice to try and fix thing if that you both want is taken away from you.
Most of all what effect is this already having on your son
I do hope you all figure out what needs to done and make some hard choices |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help!"
As has been said talk to your husband. Find out why he wants to stop. If he still wants to stop then what is more swinging or your family life? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Im sorry if this offends, but dont really want to bite my tounge on this thread anymore.
If some guy had come along and posted what is (to me) a whiney self indulgent post, he would have been hung drawn and quartered before we got 10 posts. The op wants her cake and to eat it. She wants her family life BUT she also wants to fuck strangers, even though her husband has asked her to stop. If the op was guy, the advice would have been oh its cheating, oh your poor wife, you have no respect for her.
Fair enough her husband knows whats she doing, but doesnt want her to be doing it, have some respect and love and understanding for the man you married, stop swinging(even though your having the time of your life) or leave him and give him the chance to find that respect, love and understanding with someone else."
+1 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I won't be pink and fluffy on this either.
I kicked my ex out after I found he was using the site behind my back. You're very lucky your ex has stuck with you - I imagine he's also only there for your son not you.
I bet it crucifies him every time you go out to a meet - when you know someone's cheating on you you don't need to have your "nose rubbed in it" to feel rubbish about it.
Anyway, back to your whinge about what to do and what decision will you make - how are strangers meant to help you decide that. Why not start a vote? If we say stay, do it, stick around for the ego boost; if we say go, do the right and stop hurting the "lovely guy" you married, like he's asked you to.
Like someone else, said, if this was a bloke posting he'd get ripped to bits. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Personally I don't think anyone has the right to be ripping anyone to shreds. This is for entertainment purposes and we don't really know anyone else on here really do we. A polite qustion should elicit a polite but honest answer, although sometimes albeit a tongue in cheek one. I am beginning to wonder if people on these sites are just as judgemental as the vanillas they complain judge them unfairly. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If it's a question like, "why do you do this, that or the other" etc I'll just answer the question. She came on and asked what choice should she make in the most intimate part of her life and splashed it all over her profile - I see that as asking for my opinion and I'll gladly give it where I have one. Which is what I did.
I, and many others on here, may sometimes criticise a behaviour - not the person and that in my _iew isn't judgment, just because it isn't nice and cosy and oh poor you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
fairly cut and dried really.
if one partner feels that bad about it, and has talked of booting the other out then its time to stop...end of.
not anyones business why one partner had decided to change their mind, if they have thats their decision and the one still doing the playing should out of love and respect desist.
good luck and hope you resolve the issue |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"if says if can't bear the thought of me meeting others and says I'm lucky that he's not kicked me out of tho house. We have a 7 yrs old son 2gether and pure economics mean that we don't have enough money to support 2 houses. I'm having the time of my life just wow . .Help!
You state in your profile that you have a disabled son and that you can't afford to run two homes.
You have obviously thought about leaving, so speak to the local Housing Association and tell them that you want to leave, or your hubby to leave, tbut you won't be able to afford the mortgage.
They will advise you on being housed when you are in immediate danger of being homeless.
There is never an excuse for a woman with kids not to leave a marriage, she will always be house due to the children.
Either get councelling and work at your marriage wiht your lovely hubby or speak to the benefits lines and the housing associations and get out.
Grey doesn't come into it......... your hubby has given you a black and white option.
Don't jerk him around anymore because if you do, (you've had his permission to do this in the past) you are no better than those that are sneaking around thinking that a swinging site is an easy shag and that their partner will never find out."
what _adchick say here you should do if theres no hope for making things work for you and your child ... its not just about your needs its theres too ..... i feel you posted here as do need help sorting it all out but you need to sit down and be open about how you feel together..... chating about things help. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
''I'm having the time of my life just wow'' this statement says it all i for one could never be having the time of my life while my partner clearly is hurting so much. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Maybe they used to swing together and now she does alone if that's the case and he's uneasy she needs to stop. In all honesty though this is not a problem to be discussed with strangers on a swinging site, she needs to talk to hubby. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I simply meant that being a newbie on the Forums I think I kinda look from the outside in and pretty quickly I have noticed that people are openly saying the would like to post things that they dont because of the backlash, either as an original poster or a contributor to an existing thread. I agree that some of the questions posed on these Forums maybe unwise but Im guessing that with some they have no where else to go due to the nature of their secret lifestyle. Im not saying for a minute that everyone should go against their 'principles' and be all fluffy with 'poor yous' everywhere. Just that replies are factual, realistic, polite and not a personal attack on there person (bearing in mind that very little information is usually provided). I have the feeling that sometimes people are trying to send ops away with a flea in their ear and a feeling of how dare you ask! Not very helpful to the op or their families. Also that there are moans about repeating the same type of problems but there is always a choice.. not to bother reading them and commenting if you are not interested or find them tedious (not everyone who is newish here knows to search for old threads). Im not just referring to this thread but generalising. This is my _iew and I feel Im entitled to it. You may of course disagree which is your right. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont mean to hijack the thread but just felt I wanted to explain. Although, tbh op doesnt seem to have plugged back in. "
I dont think thats the case on this thread the lady in question asked for advice and as an open forum peoples opinions differ whether its good or bad she got advice. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont mean to hijack the thread but just felt I wanted to explain. Although, tbh op doesnt seem to have plugged back in. "
I think its a case of the op didnt get the advice she wanted to hear. So hasnt been back.
Or I could be wrong! Wont be the 1st time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"''I'm having the time of my life just wow'' this statement says it all i for one could never be having the time of my life while my partner clearly is hurting so much. "
It speaks volumes doesn't it?
If my husband asked me to stop swinging, I would without question... he would react the same way if the shoe was on the other foot.
Never in a million years could I risk my marriage for the sake of having NSA sex. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
Oh dear, she has left the site.
I for one wish the family well, hope it resolves positively for ALL.
I am sure people will step forward and say the answers above drove the exit.. hopefully that is not the case, more a bit of soul searching from the OP. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
I thought she got some good advice...wether it was what she wanted to hear I don't know...but you can't demand the answers you want.
If the poster has left because she took the advice of many who said the same thing, then I wish her good luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
