FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > female safety
female safety
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x |
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x"
If you can't spot an asshole in text/sms/phone calls, chances are you won't be any better at spotting an asshole in a cafe.
Sounds to me like your selection criteria is the issue here, to pick two assholes in a few months, it's more than mere chance.
Oh, and it ain't only females that need to play safe, every fucker does, there are just as many crazy women out there as men, I'm just not likely to meet the men, and you're not likely to meet the women. |
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"If you can't spot an asshole in text/sms/phone calls, chances are you won't be any better at spotting an asshole in a cafe.
Sounds to me like your selection criteria is the issue here, to pick two assholes in a few months, it's more than mere chance.
Oh, and it ain't only females that need to play safe, every fucker does, there are just as many crazy women out there as men, I'm just not likely to meet the men, and you're not likely to meet the women."
Unfortunately, some people are very good actors. They can be the nicest people in chat/texts/phone calls and even social meets but it could all change once you're behind closed doors.
For those meeting alone I would ALWAYS recommend having a "safe" person. - Just someone you can text to say who you're meeting, where, and another text when you're home safe. x |
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x
If you can't spot an asshole in text/sms/phone calls, chances are you won't be any better at spotting an asshole in a cafe.
Sounds to me like your selection criteria is the issue here, to pick two assholes in a few months, it's more than mere chance.
Oh, and it ain't only females that need to play safe, every fucker does, there are just as many crazy women out there as men, I'm just not likely to meet the men, and you're not likely to meet the women."
Her selection criteria isn't the issue, the guys who treated her badly are  |
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To the OP there have been a few threads on safety on here some of the suggestions made a lot of sense unfortunately I can't remember any of them  . Hopefully some of the people who made them will be along to answer this thread. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thank.u.everyone for.your coment the.one.guy.was.bad.from.a.club.and.the.other.left.fab straight.away.and.police.or.anyone.can't.do.anything.as.no.name.address.nothing.I'm not.stupid.very aware but.came.across.as normal.x |
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x"
I'm not being funny, but I didn't need telling that. I take my time getting to know people, always meet socially and google them.
One, his name turned up on the BNP supporters list, the other had won a golfing tournament and was pictured with the wife he omitted to mention.
If adults need telling to be careful on a site like this, then well...!!! |
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x
If you can't spot an asshole in text/sms/phone calls, chances are you won't be any better at spotting an asshole in a cafe.
Sounds to me like your selection criteria is the issue here, to pick two assholes in a few months, it's more than mere chance.
Oh, and it ain't only females that need to play safe, every fucker does, there are just as many crazy women out there as men, I'm just not likely to meet the men, and you're not likely to meet the women."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can't spot an asshole in text/sms/phone calls, chances are you won't be any better at spotting an asshole in a cafe.
Sounds to me like your selection criteria is the issue here, to pick two assholes in a few months, it's more than mere chance.
Oh, and it ain't only females that need to play safe, every fucker does, there are just as many crazy women out there as men, I'm just not likely to meet the men, and you're not likely to meet the women.
Unfortunately, some people are very good actors. They can be the nicest people in chat/texts/phone calls and even social meets but it could all change once you're behind closed doors.
For those meeting alone I would ALWAYS recommend having a "safe" person. - Just someone you can text to say who you're meeting, where, and another text when you're home safe. x"
I always do this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Someone always knows where I am, My phones gps is active the whole time and I have a number of other things in place.
It seems excessive but once the routine is established it's easy enough to do without it being a pain.
I do hope Barry and Marie did something though |
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"
Her selection criteria isn't the issue, the guys who treated her badly are "
that's like saying my selection of the losing horses wasn't the issue, the horses were....
I backed a horse at twenty to one, it came in at half past two.
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"
Her selection criteria isn't the issue, the guys who treated her badly are
that's like saying my selection of the losing horses wasn't the issue, the horses were....
I backed a horse at twenty to one, it came in at half past two.
"
With respect it isn't quite the same, you have form to go on when selecting a horse based on placing in previous races, verifications if they exist aren't proven and as others have said lots of people can come across as credible, nice men and women for short periods of time. I do agree that you can sometimes spot warning signs and that safety measures should be in place for men and women but we'll have to agree to disagree about what the main issue is  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Her selection criteria isn't the issue, the guys who treated her badly are
that's like saying my selection of the losing horses wasn't the issue, the horses were....
I backed a horse at twenty to one, it came in at half past two.
"
That's crazy you can only find out so much chatting online that's whole reason you do a social meet in the first place.
Look at the amount of people on here that complain about time wasters/fakes everyone can get tricked online |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x"
Sorry to hear about your bad experiences ...
Someone always knows where I am, and also i will ask someone to come with me and sit in in the place .. Not at table but somewhere in the vicinity .
I did have one play with a guy at club who turned nasty ... The fist time my ex was there and he was nice as pie .. Then we arranged to meet in club without ex, he was an utter prick |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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very good points . No one in my life knows that I'm on fab so I can't really tell anyone where I go... 
I meet at a public place first but still, you never know! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Damn. Wish I hadnt clicked on this now. Am chatting to a guy with a view to meeting him later, in a public place obviously but am now a little scared. My text mate who I send info to is away on holiday abroad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course its not just guys you meet on line that could be a problem, on a night out or via other means. You probably talk more to people you are thinking of meeting on line than you would some guy who you met in a bar. There's never any guarantee. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"very good points . No one in my life knows that I'm on fab so I can't really tell anyone where I go...
I meet at a public place first but still, you never know!"
This is true ... It is a random game we play ... I have made silly mistakes in the past but try and learn from them now
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ladies....if any of you need a 'safe text' buddy just let me know and I will be happy to oblige.
The real dicks in this world are worth keeping at arms length..."
It's a shame though cos there are some real gents here ... But this is the real world and bound to meet some idiots |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x
If you can't spot an asshole in text/sms/phone calls, chances are you won't be any better at spotting an asshole in a cafe.
Sounds to me like your selection criteria is the issue here, to pick two assholes in a few months, it's more than mere chance.
Oh, and it ain't only females that need to play safe, every fucker does, there are just as many crazy women out there as men, I'm just not likely to meet the men, and you're not likely to meet the women.
Her selection criteria isn't the issue, the guys who treated her badly are "
|
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x
If you can't spot an asshole in text/sms/phone calls, chances are you won't be any better at spotting an asshole in a cafe.
Sounds to me like your selection criteria is the issue here, to pick two assholes in a few months, it's more than mere chance.
Oh, and it ain't only females that need to play safe, every fucker does, there are just as many crazy women out there as men, I'm just not likely to meet the men, and you're not likely to meet the women."
The real what???  |
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"Ladies....if any of you need a 'safe text' buddy just let me know and I will be happy to oblige.
The real dicks in this world are worth keeping at arms length..."
This is a good idea.
Surely there are ladies, or cpls, in your area who you can get to know, so you can swap numbers with and use as a "safety net"?
Safety should always be your number one priority, get a phone number, car make and registration and maybe even a home address before you agree to meet, explain why and any decent guy would be happy to provide the info.
Sounds silly, but perhaps ask to take a pic on your phone of his driving licence, and send it to tour "text buddy", no guy will object if he's the real deal.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know, I would love to see, and happily participate in, a buddy system for all us singles - so that on a meet (social or otherwise) someone (in the scene) knows where we are and who we are with.
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"Damn. Wish I hadnt clicked on this now. Am chatting to a guy with a view to meeting him later, in a public place obviously but am now a little scared. My text mate who I send info to is away on holiday abroad. "
No harm in meeting in a public place, just don't take it further until your friend is home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know, I would love to see, and happily participate in, a buddy system for all us singles - so that on a meet (social or otherwise) someone (in the scene) knows where we are and who we are with.
"
+ 1 |
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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago
Bridgwater - Somerset |
A shame you have been unlucky twice. I think you could do worse than picking guys who regularly post on the forums.
Yes, some will always say what they think women want to hear, but over time you can sus out the good ones.
Good luck.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Someone always knows where I am going and who I am with.. but I'm lucky that I have some very genuine single guys as friends.
I would recommend to everyone to always have someone know where they are. |
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"Someone always knows where I am going and who I am with.. but I'm lucky that I have some very genuine single guys as friends.
I would recommend to everyone to always have someone know where they are. "
You are a wise women Cali! |
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By *j_markCouple
over a year ago
Forum Mod Totteridge/Whetstone |
We have some tips in the FAQ which are worth repeating here:
Do you have any tips for safe meeting?
Don't forget that the only person responsible for your safety is you, so don't put yourself in a situation where a stranger can let you down. These are some tips to help:
* Don't give strangers your home phone number, your usual mobile number or your address or let them know where you work. Buy a spare PAYG SIM for your mobile and use it for initial contacts.
* Don't rely on strangers for transport, so don't agree to go somewhere in a car with someone you don't know.
* Don't turn up to strange addresses without having met the people you're expecting, first, beforehand.
* Always meet first somewhere safe and public (a cafe) first.
* Always tell someone you trust who you're going to meet, and where.
* Don't arrange meets without having spoken to the people you're expecting to meet first on phone OR on seen on cam.
* Don't invite strangers into your home.
* Don't put yourself in a situation where if someone doesn't turn up, you'll be upset. So don't travel 100s of miles and book into a hotel in the expectation of meeting someone unless you've met them beforehand.
Attending an organised social or a swinging club meet is a good place to start.
Admin x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ladies....if any of you need a 'safe text' buddy just let me know and I will be happy to oblige.
The real dicks in this world are worth keeping at arms length...
This is a good idea.
Surely there are ladies, or cpls, in your area who you can get to know, so you can swap numbers with and use as a "safety net"?
Safety should always be your number one priority, get a phone number, car make and registration and maybe even a home address before you agree to meet, explain why and any decent guy would be happy to provide the info.
Sounds silly, but perhaps ask to take a pic on your phone of his driving licence, and send it to tour "text buddy", no guy will object if he's the real deal.
"
Take a pic of driving license
I wouldn't allow anyone to do that!!!
I already had 'points from driving in London, when I've NEVER driven in London, and it took forever to sort out, someone had a copy of my license and the police took it off them on a routine stop after I spent months complaining to the DVLA. So never give anyone a copy of your dl, unless you are prepared to pay their points and fines
Scarlet met with these muppets in a club, so whilst there is a lot of great advice in this thread, it isn't always cut and dry |
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I would never allow someone to photograph my driving licence either and lots of men wouldn't want to give their home address, can't blame them for that either. The problem is one of balance I think, it's always a risk going to a relative stranger's home or inviting them to yours whether you meet them in a pub, club or on the net. Keeping in regular (hourly, bi hourly) text contact with someone who knows where you are and can come knocking if you miss a text and make sure that the man or woman that you're with knows it could be one way of doing it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know ninja moves!!
In all honesty tho its rare i have a safety call as i pretty much judge people really well and would be in public to start.
If i did not feel safe or if i felt weirded out at all id be gone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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well.we.are.not.all.as.lucky.as.u and u.didn't.have.to.read my.post.I.am.simply.trying.to.help.in the club couldn't.have.done.that could.I.was.lock.in a.room.will.someone.who.seemed.charming and.changed.in.a.second.and.never been.so.scared in my.life. so.wish it.was as.easy.as u.say to.just.Google.scarlet. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"well.we.are.not.all.as.lucky.as.u and u.didn't.have.to.read my.post.I.am.simply.trying.to.help.in the club couldn't.have.done.that could.I.was.lock.in a.room.will.someone.who.seemed.charming and.changed.in.a.second.and.never been.so.scared in my.life. so.wish it.was as.easy.as u.say to.just.Google.scarlet."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thank.u for.replying.to.me.I'm.sorry.u went.threw.the same.sort.of.thing.to.me.can.u tell.me.what.club it.happen.in.a.roughly.the.age.of.the.guy.hunny xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thank.u for.replying.to.me.I'm.sorry.u went.threw.the same.sort.of.thing.to.me.can.u tell.me.what.club it.happen.in.a.roughly.the.age.of.the.guy.hunny xx |
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"thank.u.everyone for.your coment the.one.guy.was.bad.from.a.club.and.the.other.left.fab straight.away.and.police.or.anyone.can't.do.anything.as.no.name.address.nothing.I'm not.stupid.very aware but.came.across.as normal.x "
Genuinely sorry to hear of your troubles |
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"Ladies....if any of you need a 'safe text' buddy just let me know and I will be happy to oblige.
The real dicks in this world are worth keeping at arms length...
It's a shame though cos there are some real gents here ... But this is the real world and bound to meet some idiots "
Trouble is Aphrodite, it only takes one REAL idiot, to potentially ruin your whole life ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single woman I never meet without meeting socially first in a public place having already chatted for some time on here to get to know someone.
Whilst I am very aware of the risks and take the necessary precautions to do all I can to ensure my safety, on a positive note I would like to say that I have had several meets with some amazing single guys without any trouble.
If a guy is really genuine he is more likely to want to ensure your safety too and most I find are willing to provide details I ask for to pass on to a trusted friend. If they arent prepared to do so, I wouldnt meet - my safety and wellbeing are my responsibility and my priority!!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know, I would love to see, and happily participate in, a buddy system for all us singles - so that on a meet (social or otherwise) someone (in the scene) knows where we are and who we are with.
"
I would do this also recently when i was meeting away from home a lovely lady from here in the area was my safe call she gave me her number.
Its hard for me as none of my friends and family know... |
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"As a single woman I never meet without meeting socially first in a public place having already chatted for some time on here to get to know someone.
Whilst I am very aware of the risks and take the necessary precautions to do all I can to ensure my safety, on a positive note I would like to say that I have had several meets with some amazing single guys without any trouble.
If a guy is really genuine he is more likely to want to ensure your safety too and most I find are willing to provide details I ask for to pass on to a trusted friend. If they arent prepared to do so, I wouldnt meet - my safety and wellbeing are my responsibility and my priority!!!!
"
You are so right!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My best friend is a DC so gets a text of details before I meet anyone be it male, female or couple, I also don't allow locked doors, have been very lucky with my meets & whenever anything has gone awry I've been able to handle it myself, am so sorry this has happened to you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know, I would love to see, and happily participate in, a buddy system for all us singles - so that on a meet (social or otherwise) someone (in the scene) knows where we are and who we are with.
"
What a great idea. None of my friends and family know I'm on here and I live in quite a remote area so a buddy system would be ideal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I've met plenty of guys, not all of them in public either and I have never had an experience that compamised my safety..
There have been plenty of guys I've chatted to and a red flag has arisen and I haven't met them..
Don't just dismiss that it isn't ur selection process |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know, I would love to see, and happily participate in, a buddy system for all us singles - so that on a meet (social or otherwise) someone (in the scene) knows where we are and who we are with.
"
I had a similar system when I was playing as a single female. About 3 or 4 of us who were safety nets. Worked really well. I know it wouldn't have helped poor Scarlet with that dreadful situation in the club. Similar thing happened to a female friend of mine. These guys are very clever and will be Mr Charming and can turn nasty in the blink of an eye. Ms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its awful for any woman to find herself in a situation that scares her, or a guy for that matter, but surely at a club there are protocols in place to deal with events such as that?
Dont play in clubs so dont know? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Damn. Wish I hadnt clicked on this now. Am chatting to a guy with a view to meeting him later, in a public place obviously but am now a little scared. My text mate who I send info to is away on holiday abroad.
No harm in meeting in a public place, just don't take it further until your friend is home."
Thanks for advice but its ok, not meeting him, distance and timings didnt work out. Sorted out by text. so another evening blown out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thank.u for.replying.to.me.I'm.sorry.u went.threw.the same.sort.of.thing.to.me.can.u tell.me.what.club it.happen.in.a.roughly.the.age.of.the.guy.hunny xx "
Sorry this as happened to you scarlet
Up to now I've been lucky but always tell someone where I'm going etc etc and always meet in a public place just in case |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know, I would love to see, and happily participate in, a buddy system for all us singles - so that on a meet (social or otherwise) someone (in the scene) knows where we are and who we are with.
"
We can be each others buddies xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ladies....if any of you need a 'safe text' buddy just let me know and I will be happy to oblige.
The real dicks in this world are worth keeping at arms length...
It's a shame though cos there are some real gents here ... But this is the real world and bound to meet some idiots
Trouble is Aphrodite, it only takes one REAL idiot, to potentially ruin your whole life !"
Yes , you are right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a few close incidences which have had the potential to mess my whole life up ... That's why there is always someone who knows where I am , who I am with etc and sometimes join me " under cover " if they are nearby .
It's a very good idea to have a buddy system in place for both males and females here that play as singles |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its awful for any woman to find herself in a situation that scares her, or a guy for that matter, but surely at a club there are protocols in place to deal with events such as that?
Dont play in clubs so dont know?"
I prefer the club i go to regularly where single guys have to meet the owners first at the social event ...
Saying that though did have some grief of a married guy who brought his " reluctant " wife who didnt want to be there and then he made beeline for single girls ... Hosts are told if anyone is disrespectful or agressive and are banned from club |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well I've met plenty of guys, not all of them in public either and I have never had an experience that compamised my safety..
There have been plenty of guys I've chatted to and a red flag has arisen and I haven't met them..
Don't just dismiss that it isn't ur selection process"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Damn. Wish I hadnt clicked on this now. Am chatting to a guy with a view to meeting him later, in a public place obviously but am now a little scared. My text mate who I send info to is away on holiday abroad.
No harm in meeting in a public place, just don't take it further until your friend is home.Thanks for advice but its ok, not meeting him, distance and timings didnt work out. Sorted out by text. so another evening blown out"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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sounds Luke.something.good.is coming.out.of.this.if.anyone.need.me for.a cheek as I will.not.be.meeting.then I.am more than.will.to.do.that for.any of.u who have been.since.lovely.to me.on here thank u scarlet xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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so sorry 2 read about this nasty inncedent ,,,,grt idea on the txt buddy ,big hugs 2 u hun n hope u aint 2 shook up by it ,,,take care ,,,n thank u 4 the warning ,,, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x"
Its not bad advice as you are never sure who will turn up I am just glad we in the main meet together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even a social meet guarantees nothing make sure at least one person knows where you are going and with who and what time you should be back by "
Second this one! A friend of mine tells me who she's seeing, what time they're meeting and then let's me know if more's happening so I can be sure she's safe... Well worth telling a trusted friend where you're off... Sad that you need to but true... Hope less people have the horrible experience Scarlett had to go through... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"please do.a.social.meet.in.public.places. and.make.sure someone.knows.where you are.I.have had.two.very.nasty.meet.with.In six month and put.me of meeting guys all.together just swing.saftly please scarlet x"
sorry to hear about your bad expriences |
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