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How NOT to say no
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By *affa2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
London |
Recently met a cpl at a club after a social (we'd chatted at the social and went to the club from there), and both sides seemed into it. Yet, when we got to the dance floor having had a drink, the lady of their couple got approached by another lady, and next thing you know they're kissing on the dance floor and are basically ignoring us and off they went!
Just wondering whether this is (a) common and (b) a good way to say you're not interested in a couple? I know everyone has the right to choose and all but this feels like a big old punch in the gut.
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This happens. It doesn’t mean rejection at all. They may well come back later in the night. Particularly if they were into you. It’s just a case of move on and if it happens it happens, if not. It wasn’t meant to be. |
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Those situations we would always consider it as dodging a bullet.
They were the wrong people and its best to find out before it goes any further.
Its a shame that so many swingers have such poor manners and have the communication skills of a potato. |
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"Recently met a cpl at a club after a social (we'd chatted at the social and went to the club from there), and both sides seemed into it. Yet, when we got to the dance floor having had a drink, the lady of their couple got approached by another lady, and next thing you know they're kissing on the dance floor and are basically ignoring us and off they went!
Just wondering whether this is (a) common and (b) a good way to say you're not interested in a couple? I know everyone has the right to choose and all but this feels like a big old punch in the gut.
"
Takes me back to my youth |
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"Highly unlikely. We saw them in the hottub/pool with the other couple as we were leaving. We were not waiting for them to get their fill before coming back to us! "
This seems like a great opportunity to review your boundaries and communication with couples. If you’re into swing-nogamy or fairly new, looking at having just one couple and focusing just on them for the evening, it’s worth letting them know that to ensure you both are on the same page.
A club settings are probably not the best place for these style of meets. Hotels, bars and home visits may well be better suited. As a more is more couple, if we knew the other party is looking for just 2:2 for the night then we can suggest a suitable meeting where this can be the case.
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"
when we got to the dance floor having had a drink, the lady of their couple got approached by another lady, and next thing you know they're kissing on the dance floor and are basically ignoring us and off they went!
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While the woman was kissing on the dance floor, could you have approached the man and started chatting ? Maybe they thought you were ignoring them, having gone off for a drink on your own when you arrived. |
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You said "both sides seemed into it."
You may have interpreted that there was more than it was.
Whose idea was to go to the club? Were you planning to go and you twisted their arm? Or were they planning and invited you to come along because socially they find you ok?
You two are straight, she was clearly bi. She preferred the chance to play bi that night than playing straight with you two. Might be wrong but from your description of the event I think you two read too much into the invite to go to the club. I think they invited you to tag along, not more. |
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By *elkieWoman 1 week ago
Durham |
It doesn’t mean they weren’t interested in you. It means that circumstances changed. Could be that the woman she was kissing is a close swinging friend, could be simple opportunism. You’ll never know unless you ask, and tbh, I wouldn’t. Keep in touch with them via message, bump into them at the club some time and ask them to play if you want.
This is swinging, not monogamy. There’s no expectation to only play 2:2, or to play with people you enjoy connecting with socially. Ask for what you want, when you want it, and don’t get resentful when other people fail to read your mind. You’ll likely
not play with someone every time you see them either, and that’s not a rejection. |
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Just an observation guys. As a straight couple ourselves, we find it really hard to find genuine straight couples. Wouldn't say it was a rejection on their part, more like they were offering something that wasn't on the table for you guys. Your profile says you are both straight and she was obviously bi if she was kissing another woman. |
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You know what you need to do? Shrug and move on. That or laugh out loud and move on.
To quite a lot of folk swinging seems to be going to clubs and flirting or showing off and teasing probably for their own titilation. Anything but actually partner swapping.
Learn to filter these folk by not spending too long with them. We do this and likewise make our excuses early if we're not looking to play ourselves. Chatters will just waste your night otherwise. |
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"Recently met a cpl at a club after a social (we'd chatted at the social and went to the club from there), and both sides seemed into it. Yet, when we got to the dance floor having had a drink, the lady of their couple got approached by another lady, and next thing you know they're kissing on the dance floor and are basically ignoring us and off they went!
Just wondering whether this is (a) common and (b) a good way to say you're not interested in a couple? I know everyone has the right to choose and all but this feels like a big old punch in the gut.
"
Lol has happened to us a few times in clubs and does feel like a punch in the gut. Happened with a couple once in their home too, after a jacuzzi and little soft play between us all they sat at the opposite end of the living room checking and chatting about fab messages while UTTERLY ignoring us !. They were then confused a few days later when we declined their offer of meeting again  |
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"Recently met a cpl at a club after a social (we'd chatted at the social and went to the club from there), and both sides seemed into it. Yet, when we got to the dance floor having had a drink, the lady of their couple got approached by another lady, and next thing you know they're kissing on the dance floor and are basically ignoring us and off they went!
Just wondering whether this is (a) common and (b) a good way to say you're not interested in a couple? I know everyone has the right to choose and all but this feels like a big old punch in the gut.
"
She was just into them more than you. |
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"Recently met a cpl at a club after a social (we'd chatted at the social and went to the club from there), and both sides seemed into it. Yet, when we got to the dance floor having had a drink, the lady of their couple got approached by another lady, and next thing you know they're kissing on the dance floor and are basically ignoring us and off they went!
Just wondering whether this is (a) common and (b) a good way to say you're not interested in a couple? I know everyone has the right to choose and all but this feels like a big old punch in the gut.
"
these things happen... nothing is set in stone.. not sure why you would feel like you got punched. Just because we show interest doesnt mean something will happen.
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"Recently met a cpl at a club after a social (we'd chatted at the social and went to the club from there), and both sides seemed into it. Yet, when we got to the dance floor having had a drink, the lady of their couple got approached by another lady, and next thing you know they're kissing on the dance floor and are basically ignoring us and off they went!
Just wondering whether this is (a) common and (b) a good way to say you're not interested in a couple? I know everyone has the right to choose and all but this feels like a big old punch in the gut.
"
Happens a lot in clubs. I go with my wife and alone and one thing I had to do was get used to the fact sometimes it just happens.
Spend any amount of time on the scene and sooner or later you'll notice some women just get off on attention and whoever is the most forward wins OR theyre just looking for what they think is the best option in the club. Either way..At the end of the day it's fair to say shy lads get nothing so if you don't try, you don't get anywhere.
So I just became more assertive with my intentions. I'll sit, have a chat, flirt and then make my intentions clear. If she's not interested then off I go or if she pops off with someone else then off I go also.
Is what it is and I'm not gonna get beat up about it.
Plus I'm sure I've done the same to a few others in my.time without realising. |
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