FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > How did you become open
How did you become open
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As above. It's not permission to do what the fuck you want.
A majority of people have boundaries and it's crucial for your relationship you stick to them.
We've always been very sexual and watching a swinger program on tv encouraged us to attend a club. |
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"How did any couples on here become open? Its something we want to do. Full access to do what the fuck you want. But how? How did you take those first steps... and how is it now "
We met on fab. So yes to some extent we started from a position of knowing we both had an intrest. However that doesn't mean we started off as full blown no holes barred swingers (and we're still not).
I think you need to start from a position understanding your own desires, understanding your partners desires and having a genuine desire to see each other have the opportunity to explore all life has to offer. Sound like that's something you have.
Then the next foundation is total openness and honesty. The ability to say what you want, what you desire, what your issues are and what your worries are. You need to know you will not be judged for whatever you say. For you both to be free to be heard and to hear in return. And sometimes those conversations are really hard. Sometimes those conversations are really hot or go a lot better than you expected.
You need to have security in your love for each other and relationship. Personally for us we are relationship exclusive and sexually non-monogamous. And when you build/have that security in each other you feel less insecure in yourselves and more secure in your partners interactions and adventures with others. I think this security in each other partly comes from a position of individual security and self worth. So I would say both of you as individuals also need to have the right self esteem and confidence. For if you fear your worth and value its natural to fear others from outside your relationship.
As to execution that is a journey of discovery for both of you to take. It's destination may be unknown right now. You may each be ready to go at different speeds. But what's important is you go at the speed of the slowest and stop at the destination of the one who travels the least unless additional travel is individually mutually and freely allowed (as is sometimes the case). The main fun of it all is travelling the road together and experiencing the freedom and variety there is to offer in the frame work of your boundaries (that may or may not move either way over time). And be patient of whatever ever is the lowest, never try and push someone to go faster for that is a guarantee to being counterproductive to your desires as well as selfish and unethical.
For example we started of strickly soft swing. As we grew more confidently in each other things naturally progressed to harder swing/swap and now the occasional individual side missions too. For us we also allowed each other the freedom we were happy giving even if it was not equal the other way back. Although again as others have said everyone does it different. What we were both comfortable with at the start and now is very different and different from many other we've encountered. But over the years we have grown stronger in our security because this lifestyle tests that security and thus also reveals the strength of relationships and security (or exposes it weakness). So by respecting each others speed and direction we have got to a great place where we have individual freedom and total security in each other and our relationship.
So I would say main points:
Complete open and honest communication.
Respecting each others pace and limitations
Having a tolerance and understanding for mistakes and miscommunication. No one ever always gets things right all the time.
And that security = freedom.
Mr
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Started swinging after a d*unken unexpected threesome at a uni party , shortly after starting swinging we discovered cuckold suited us more. I was trained to be in full time chastity and over time all my gf penetrative sex did come from bulls l, but the relationship wasn't "open". We had specific rules everyone had to follow , as a bit of fun we wrote them into a "cuckold contract" theat we each reviewed amended where necessary and re-signed regularly to ensure everyone was on the same page . |
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By *nRachCouple 8 weeks ago
Willenhall |
We opened ourselves up to a version of this where we are both allowed to meet with other women alone, my wife has done this before multiple times with my blessing but now she's opened that up to me.
I've always been turned on by the fact she goes off to meet women does what she wants to do then comes back home and we end up having crazy sex, now she's decided she likes the same idea of me going off on my own, it wasn't planned and has just naturally evolved but as with everything in this world we've found that to be the best way for us. We have put some rules in place, like limiting the number of people we see mainly for health and hygiene reasons.
In an odd twist the woman I've been meeting up with is completely new to anything like this and I actually met her in a regular bar but now we all get together from time to time so we seem to have come full circle back to where we started albeit with a few extra perks.
I guess what I'm trying to say is even when we go off alone there is still something in it for both of us |
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"How did any couples on here become open? Its something we want to do. Full access to do what the fuck you want. But how? How did you take those first steps... and how is it now
We met on fab. So yes to some extent we started from a position of knowing we both had an intrest. However that doesn't mean we started off as full blown no holes barred swingers (and we're still not).
I think you need to start from a position understanding your own desires, understanding your partners desires and having a genuine desire to see each other have the opportunity to explore all life has to offer. Sound like that's something you have.
Then the next foundation is total openness and honesty. The ability to say what you want, what you desire, what your issues are and what your worries are. You need to know you will not be judged for whatever you say. For you both to be free to be heard and to hear in return. And sometimes those conversations are really hard. Sometimes those conversations are really hot or go a lot better than you expected.
You need to have security in your love for each other and relationship. Personally for us we are relationship exclusive and sexually non-monogamous. And when you build/have that security in each other you feel less insecure in yourselves and more secure in your partners interactions and adventures with others. I think this security in each other partly comes from a position of individual security and self worth. So I would say both of you as individuals also need to have the right self esteem and confidence. For if you fear your worth and value its natural to fear others from outside your relationship.
As to execution that is a journey of discovery for both of you to take. It's destination may be unknown right now. You may each be ready to go at different speeds. But what's important is you go at the speed of the slowest and stop at the destination of the one who travels the least unless additional travel is individually mutually and freely allowed (as is sometimes the case). The main fun of it all is travelling the road together and experiencing the freedom and variety there is to offer in the frame work of your boundaries (that may or may not move either way over time). And be patient of whatever ever is the lowest, never try and push someone to go faster for that is a guarantee to being counterproductive to your desires as well as selfish and unethical.
For example we started of strickly soft swing. As we grew more confidently in each other things naturally progressed to harder swing/swap and now the occasional individual side missions too. For us we also allowed each other the freedom we were happy giving even if it was not equal the other way back. Although again as others have said everyone does it different. What we were both comfortable with at the start and now is very different and different from many other we've encountered. But over the years we have grown stronger in our security because this lifestyle tests that security and thus also reveals the strength of relationships and security (or exposes it weakness). So by respecting each others speed and direction we have got to a great place where we have individual freedom and total security in each other and our relationship.
So I would say main points:
Complete open and honest communication.
Respecting each others pace and limitations
Having a tolerance and understanding for mistakes and miscommunication. No one ever always gets things right all the time.
And that security = freedom.
Mr
"
If posts could be tagged to the top of fab, I'd say this one should go at the top.
I've been swinging for 30 years next month... but how I am with Mr is all shiny and new.
The bit about talking about when things aren't always perfect or as you want... is very important and yes much harder.
Cali |
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My wife and I (we have a couples account in here as well) met nearly 29 years ago.
About a year into dating and living together she said she was having fantasies about me with other women. I laughed it off thinking it was a test.
She brought it up again about a month later. I again laughed it off but this time I jokingly said sure,.if you sort it out.
About a week.later when i got home from work, she told me to jump in the shower, get dressed nicely them pop round her freinds house.as there was i was needed.
Didn't even think about it till i got.there, was let in and as soon as the door was closed I realised she was naked...you can fill in the rest yourself.
Several hours later I went home thinking I'd just made a huge mistake just to.walk in and find my wife in her lingerie waiting and more turned on than I'd ever seen her.
Didn't understand at the time why the idea of me with other women turned her on (this being when the internet was just becoming a mainstream thing) but it's evolved and it let my wife explore her bi side.
That was just the first time and just kicked the door open to it all.
Still together and still swinging 28 years later. My lovely wife was litterally handing me.over to a couple of lady freinds we know at the club over the weekend so yeah...we are both quite happy still and give no shits 
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We both were not looking for monogamy we both didn't believe it was possible... ironically neither of us had cheated but both had been cheated on. So we wanted honesty communication and to always check in on each others needs..he was straight as am I but he enjoyed seeing me in pleasure I enjoyed seeing him satisfy another woman and we enjoyed other couples or singles joining us as long as they were aware we weren't confused in our sexuality.
I liked the fact that we both enjoyed showing others how they could feel when they had someone who truly enjoyed giving and being taken care of properly like..
we were together 5 years |
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