FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Single guy syndrome
Single guy syndrome
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I get approached by a lot of gay guys on here and honestly if I was gay I’d love it. Is it not easier and more fluid for you?" They not gay mostly. They’re opportunistic for a blow job. It’s not the same thing and I have more self respect than being some secret fuck for a down low. So to answer your Q .. no | |||
| |||
| |||
"Yes, most definitely in some respects. I originally joined as part of a couple and interest in us came in regularly. We didn't find 'meets' worked for us, but we did make some great friends at Vanilla Alternative, so only met there. My partner moved with her job and we stopped swinging, although remain friends. Fast forward two years and I rejoined Fab as a single guy and initially had some success, but that petered out fairly rapidly. I gave up sending messages some time ago as a result due to my inbox remaining totally empty, despite going about things in the most respectful and 'correct' of ways. While absolutely understanding how things are for women on here the demand for guys to jump through so many hoops in the way we send messages, only for it to be met with stony, effortless silence in the other direction brought me to the conclusion that it was a complete waste of time and effort (my inbox has been almost completely empty for over five years). On the flipside of this I decided to find a club that felt right for me and also got myself off to organised socials, both of which have proved to be extremely fruitful over a period of years, enriching my social life as well as my sexual encounters hugely . The above being the case it's proven that staying classy and true to who I am has brought me some fantastic friends, male, female and couples. It also shows that taking time to send messages and make an effort on here is a complete waste of time, but being seen in person and have people get to know us single guys does bring success - as long as we buy into the lifestyle and not just be seen as looking to 'get our end away'. Approach and attitude is everything in a classy club. Behaving better than the average poorly behaved single guy on here won't get you floating to the top of the pond if you're solely relying on Fab - you'll just get lost in the sea of guys with zero standards. Getting out and taking the time to get to know people (and they you) does quite the opposite. Fab is a very negative environment for the majority of single guys, with some saying we don't belong in the lifestyle at all. If we go about things in the right, positive way (and not be a creep) then many positives can be found." All of this is spot on.  | |||
| |||
| |||
"Yes, most definitely in some respects. I originally joined as part of a couple and interest in us came in regularly. We didn't find 'meets' worked for us, but we did make some great friends at Vanilla Alternative, so only met there. My partner moved with her job and we stopped swinging, although remain friends. Fast forward two years and I rejoined Fab as a single guy and initially had some success, but that petered out fairly rapidly. I gave up sending messages some time ago as a result due to my inbox remaining totally empty, despite going about things in the most respectful and 'correct' of ways. While absolutely understanding how things are for women on here the demand for guys to jump through so many hoops in the way we send messages, only for it to be met with stony, effortless silence in the other direction brought me to the conclusion that it was a complete waste of time and effort (my inbox has been almost completely empty for over five years). On the flipside of this I decided to find a club that felt right for me and also got myself off to organised socials, both of which have proved to be extremely fruitful over a period of years, enriching my social life as well as my sexual encounters hugely . The above being the case it's proven that staying classy and true to who I am has brought me some fantastic friends, male, female and couples. It also shows that taking time to send messages and make an effort on here is a complete waste of time, but being seen in person and have people get to know us single guys does bring success - as long as we buy into the lifestyle and not just be seen as looking to 'get our end away'. Approach and attitude is everything in a classy club. Behaving better than the average poorly behaved single guy on here won't get you floating to the top of the pond if you're solely relying on Fab - you'll just get lost in the sea of guys with zero standards. Getting out and taking the time to get to know people (and they you) does quite the opposite. Fab is a very negative environment for the majority of single guys, with some saying we don't belong in the lifestyle at all. If we go about things in the right, positive way (and not be a creep) then many positives can be found." I think this pretty much sums things up nicely from my experiences too. | |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets " Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). | |||
"Yes, most definitely in some respects. I originally joined as part of a couple and interest in us came in regularly. We didn't find 'meets' worked for us, but we did make some great friends at Vanilla Alternative, so only met there. My partner moved with her job and we stopped swinging, although remain friends. Fast forward two years and I rejoined Fab as a single guy and initially had some success, but that petered out fairly rapidly. I gave up sending messages some time ago as a result due to my inbox remaining totally empty, despite going about things in the most respectful and 'correct' of ways. While absolutely understanding how things are for women on here the demand for guys to jump through so many hoops in the way we send messages, only for it to be met with stony, effortless silence in the other direction brought me to the conclusion that it was a complete waste of time and effort (my inbox has been almost completely empty for over five years). On the flipside of this I decided to find a club that felt right for me and also got myself off to organised socials, both of which have proved to be extremely fruitful over a period of years, enriching my social life as well as my sexual encounters hugely . The above being the case it's proven that staying classy and true to who I am has brought me some fantastic friends, male, female and couples. It also shows that taking time to send messages and make an effort on here is a complete waste of time, but being seen in person and have people get to know us single guys does bring success - as long as we buy into the lifestyle and not just be seen as looking to 'get our end away'. Approach and attitude is everything in a classy club. Behaving better than the average poorly behaved single guy on here won't get you floating to the top of the pond if you're solely relying on Fab - you'll just get lost in the sea of guys with zero standards. Getting out and taking the time to get to know people (and they you) does quite the opposite. Fab is a very negative environment for the majority of single guys, with some saying we don't belong in the lifestyle at all. If we go about things in the right, positive way (and not be a creep) then many positives can be found. I think this pretty much sums things up nicely from my experiences too. " Definitely the way forward! | |||
| |||
"Ok thanks mate for your analysis. Much appreciated. Yeah I guess a lot of the time I don’t know what works do go with what we THINK is what they’ll like. Do you mean where I say about gay men hitting on me sounds arrogant?" Everything in the two sets of ** is a turn off for me as a single woman. I do none of the things you reference but it still does you no favours. | |||
| |||
"Ok thanks mate for your analysis. Much appreciated. Yeah I guess a lot of the time I don’t know what works do go with what we THINK is what they’ll like. Do you mean where I say about gay men hitting on me sounds arrogant?" No, your profile photo appears that way at first look. It gives off a negative perception of you. Although I get what you're saying about gay guys it could come across as 'anti' in some ways, with you potentially leaving yourself open to being seen as a bigot. Perhaps reference it as flattering but not your cup of tea instead, or simply remove that reference completely. Don't try to make your profile fit what you think women will want as that's being fake. Get your personality and sense of humour across instead, giving a flavour of who you are as a person. Your people will then find you and will be getting the true person you are. | |||
| |||
"Love your answer man. Tried to add you as a friend but you don’t accept lol. Anyway mate great advice " If you mean me I'm happy to add you Buddy. | |||
| |||
"Yeah tried to add you mate " Sent you a request. | |||
"Thank you for your candid observation. Obviously I’m wanting to attract women like you and if that’s not working then I need to change it " I can see you’ve made a change. I’m a bit torn. I’m a big believer that your profile isn’t about attracting as any people as possible , it’s about highlighting you to the right, compatible, people. But. The reasons I’d move on if I clicked on it - the bit about pissing and squirting down your throat, it’s just too out there on initial reading. Highly sexualised profiles do nothing for me, and I don’t think I’m alone. The photos are very dick heavy with numerous action shots. I’d find that off putting also. Ultimately, it’s your profile and if you’re happy with it, that’s the main thing. | |||
| |||
"Ok as a woman. What kind of pics do you like? I get confused because so many women talk like it’s all about the dirtiness or the dick. But then too polite is too vanilla. It’s like we can’t win either way, which is probably just a lame excuse lol. " Hiya Try using the reply and quote per message that you wish to reply to it makes it easier to understand who you are replying to  | |||
| |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
""Up for some cock face slapping and cock choking on the right bitch" That's your current status. One wonders, has it worked? Did you get many expressions of interest? I am no straight woman but I'm close friends with quite a few, and I've laid with an extra few, and no one, not a single one ever mentioned, in any form, being keen on referred to in such terms by a complete stranger. Just saying." Looks like the OP is looking for bitches with stinky bums which is absolutely fine if that's your thing so don't change anything but be aware this might be a bit of a niche. | |||
| |||
"Btw I must mention as a STRAIGHT single guy " I think you’re attracting guys because they’re more attracted to penis pics than (most) girls. | |||
| |||
""Up for some cock face slapping and cock choking on the right bitch" That's your current status. One wonders, has it worked? Did you get many expressions of interest? I am no straight woman but I'm close friends with quite a few, and I've laid with an extra few, and no one, not a single one ever mentioned, in any form, being keen on referred to in such terms by a complete stranger. Just saying." Yep - right on the money! | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"OP, if you want to be taken a bit more seriously on here, I'd rethink your photos and your wording on your status update. I did not get any further as those told me everything I need to know about you. Good luck. " | |||
| |||
"Ok as a woman. What kind of pics do you like? I get confused because so many women talk like it’s all about the dirtiness or the dick. But then too polite is too vanilla. It’s like we can’t win either way, which is probably just a lame excuse lol. " Are these woman you are attracted to and trying to attract because if so, cater to your audience. If not, take a look at the forum at the threads like torso Tuesday to get an idea of what women enjoy. | |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets " Nope… get out what you put in… the more avenues you are open to using the more people you will come across and be able to network with! The site is just one piece of the puzzle… Going to clubs is another….. So are going to social events…. | |||
"Had many private meets as a single guy? What’s your formula?" You can have this one for free…. You only get one chance to make a brilliant first impression 
Look at your profile….. look at your status update
Hand on heart….. would you meet you? | |||
"Had many private meets as a single guy? What’s your formula? You can have this one for free…. You only get one chance to make a brilliant first impression
Look at your profile….. look at your status update
Hand on heart….. would you meet you?"Having seen your considered advice on here many a time, the OP could take a lot from it. Respect. | |||
"Had many private meets as a single guy? What’s your formula? You can have this one for free…. You only get one chance to make a brilliant first impression
Look at your profile….. look at your status update
Hand on heart….. would you meet you?
Having seen your considered advice on here many a time, the OP could take a lot from it. Respect. "Thanks…. I ain’t one for spoon feeding advice, so the approach I use is that you are an adult… try actually acting like one! Lol I am not the biggest fan of giving specifics… just because at the end of the day a big bit of the person has to be in the profile…. Ask a million people get a million different answers! Otherwise it just becomes generic nonsense.. But sometimes you have to ask yourself are you doing the best to sell yourself.. and is it the best you coming across!! If the answer is yes… and yes… don’t change a thing If the answer is no…. Sit down with a pen a pad and think about what you want to get across, and what type of person you’re trying to attract! Think with the brain upstairs rather than the one downstairs! A lot can be said for common sense, the amount of it actually used.. frighteningly low | |||
"Had many private meets as a single guy? What’s your formula? You can have this one for free…. You only get one chance to make a brilliant first impression
Look at your profile….. look at your status update
Hand on heart….. would you meet you?
Having seen your considered advice on here many a time, the OP could take a lot from it. Respect.
Thanks…. I ain’t one for spoon feeding advice, so the approach I use is that you are an adult… try actually acting like one! Lol
I am not the biggest fan of giving specifics… just because at the end of the day a big bit of the person has to be in the profile…. Ask a million people get a million different answers! Otherwise it just becomes generic nonsense..
But sometimes you have to ask yourself are you doing the best to sell yourself.. and is it the best you coming across!!
If the answer is yes… and yes… don’t change a thing
If the answer is no…. Sit down with a pen a pad and think about what you want to get across, and what type of person you’re trying to attract!
Think with the brain upstairs rather than the one downstairs!
A lot can be said for common sense, the amount of it actually used.. frighteningly low "Boom! There it is! | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets " Ahh yes! Welcome to the wonderful world of single, straight, white guy in Fab lol! Have you been to a club solo yet? You must try that out sometime, to get the whole, rounded experience of feeling like one individual sperm, swimming in a shot of 60 million…..  | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Ahh yes! Welcome to the wonderful world of single, straight, white guy in Fab lol! Have you been to a club solo yet? You must try that out sometime, to get the whole, rounded experience of feeling like one individual sperm, swimming in a shot of 60 million….. "Have to say that isn't remotely my experience. I'm short, bald, distinctly average in most respects physically, am no adonis in any way, shape or form, but I've naturally developed a positive 'reputation' over time that rarely leaves me on my own at any point during a club night. It's 100% about mindset. | |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets " Having an update of "cock choking on the right bitch" will put off a lot of people I should imagine . | |||
| |||
| |||
"Ok thanks mate for your analysis. Much appreciated. Yeah I guess a lot of the time I don’t know what works do go with what we THINK is what they’ll like. Do you mean where I say about gay men hitting on me sounds arrogant? Everything in the two sets of ** is a turn off for me as a single woman. I do none of the things you reference but it still does you no favours. " With apologies to Crimson Rose for 'replying' to her a good example of the way to 'go about' things as a single guy has involved her. We met around a year ago on a club night and enjoyed a great conversation/banter in the hot tub for around an hour. My read of her was that she was a gorgeous lady, but wasn't attracted to me in any way - something she confirmed during the conversation. Nevertheless the chat continued unabated until she went off to play with someone else. Fast forward to a month or so ago and we found ourselves in the same place once again, with her coming straight over to chat as soon as she recognised me and we picked up where we left off, with it being genuinely fabulous to see her again. At this point some men would be thinking a woman actually does fancy them, or think she's changed her mind, so will try to change her mind, instead of just genuinely enjoying the company. Once again Rose went off to enjoy the company of another of my great friends later on, but it was fabulous to catch up. Does it sting a little having someone you find attractive go off with others, while leaving you? Yes, of course, but it isn't a case of taking it to heart. What actually happens is that just being genuinely decent company, while having a bit of class in remaining true to yourself leaves someone with a positive opinion, which translates from person to person in other conversations over time - something which happens naturally, rather than very forced. Even knowing I'll never have the opportunity to play with Rose, I'll absolutely look forward to bumping into her again. It should be about building connections and friendships, not just looking to 'get off'. None of us is for everyone and my average looks mean a lot of women won't even look at me, but having people get to know me without things being 'forced' has naturally evolved into interest from some fabulous ladies, with the consent/encouragement of their male partners, who I'm also proud to call my friends. Might not be the way everyone wants to go, but this has definitely worked out for me. | |||
"Yeah tried to add you mate Sent you a request." Would you mind sending me friend request too mate? Wouldn’t mind seeking your advice Thanks if you can | |||
"Great advice from the misfits there I don't actively seek single men on here, mainly as most of the profiles are not detailed to tell me enough about them, or the standard of photography is abysmal. I know what a cock looks like close up thanks.... Hence, clubs are the way I go about it. Its much easier to find what I want, as I can almost interview them. If I don't like them chatting about Tesco's or something mundane, I'm not going to like them in a sex scenario. Contrary to what men may think it's not all about looks. Obviously, NOT looking like the back end of a bus helps, but I've turned down some male model types due to a combination of arrogance, inability to listen and generally being as thick as mince. So an average looking fella, who is clean, had made an effort with his appearance, has some good chat, listens (not just hears what I'm saying and it going in one ear and out of the other) and shows some confidence wins often. " That's an interesting point on looks. Often guys blame looks (although sometimes I think it's used to scapegoat other deficiencies in character or aproach). Anyway from many years on the club scene we've got to know that there a few men who get the majority of the action. And although being easy on the eye is never a bad thing it's not the main factor. We've seen many guys who are real fine male specimens looks wise who don't get much of a look in. On the whole most of the guys we know who do well and are well regarded on the scene are just normal guys with a range of body shapes and sizes of penis (say this because some guys also get obsessed by blaming penis size). In my experience the main factor to success is character and how a guy approaches and deports him self. The guys who genrally do well are up beat, pleasant and just comfortable in their own skin. They tend to have that golden skill of being able to read the room. | |||
"Do you imagine it’s easier for gay guys? " I know it is having dated one. | |||
| |||
"Do you imagine it’s easier for gay guys? I know it is having dated one." I am one. And it isn’t. | |||
"Yeah tried to add you mate Sent you a request. Would you mind sending me friend request too mate? Wouldn’t mind seeking your advice Thanks if you can" Done mate. I'm not the Messiah either by the way! | |||
"Great advice from the misfits there I don't actively seek single men on here, mainly as most of the profiles are not detailed to tell me enough about them, or the standard of photography is abysmal. I know what a cock looks like close up thanks.... Hence, clubs are the way I go about it. Its much easier to find what I want, as I can almost interview them. If I don't like them chatting about Tesco's or something mundane, I'm not going to like them in a sex scenario. Contrary to what men may think it's not all about looks. Obviously, NOT looking like the back end of a bus helps, but I've turned down some male model types due to a combination of arrogance, inability to listen and generally being as thick as mince. So an average looking fella, who is clean, had made an effort with his appearance, has some good chat, listens (not just hears what I'm saying and it going in one ear and out of the other) and shows some confidence wins often. That's an interesting point on looks. Often guys blame looks (although sometimes I think it's used to scapegoat other deficiencies in character or aproach). Anyway from many years on the club scene we've got to know that there a few men who get the majority of the action. And although being easy on the eye is never a bad thing it's not the main factor. We've seen many guys who are real fine male specimens looks wise who don't get much of a look in. On the whole most of the guys we know who do well and are well regarded on the scene are just normal guys with a range of body shapes and sizes of penis (say this because some guys also get obsessed by blaming penis size). In my experience the main factor to success is character and how a guy approaches and deports him self. The guys who genrally do well are up beat, pleasant and just comfortable in their own skin. They tend to have that golden skill of being able to read the room. " Thank you - that's put it so much better than I did! | |||
" That's an interesting point on looks. Often guys blame looks (although sometimes I think it's used to scapegoat other deficiencies in character or aproach). Anyway from many years on the club scene we've got to know that there a few men who get the majority of the action. And although being easy on the eye is never a bad thing it's not the main factor. We've seen many guys who are real fine male specimens looks wise who don't get much of a look in. On the whole most of the guys we know who do well and are well regarded on the scene are just normal guys with a range of body shapes and sizes of penis (say this because some guys also get obsessed by blaming penis size). In my experience the main factor to success is character and how a guy approaches and deports him self. The guys who genrally do well are up beat, pleasant and just comfortable in their own skin. They tend to have that golden skill of being able to read the room. " This is so true. There has to be a level of attraction but what so many don’t understand is that this isn’t just about looks. One of my pet hates is a ‘hi’ message from a next to blank profile with a single photo (often a cock pic). How am I supposed to gauge attraction and compatibility from that?! | |||
" That's an interesting point on looks. Often guys blame looks (although sometimes I think it's used to scapegoat other deficiencies in character or aproach). Anyway from many years on the club scene we've got to know that there a few men who get the majority of the action. And although being easy on the eye is never a bad thing it's not the main factor. We've seen many guys who are real fine male specimens looks wise who don't get much of a look in. On the whole most of the guys we know who do well and are well regarded on the scene are just normal guys with a range of body shapes and sizes of penis (say this because some guys also get obsessed by blaming penis size). In my experience the main factor to success is character and how a guy approaches and deports him self. The guys who genrally do well are up beat, pleasant and just comfortable in their own skin. They tend to have that golden skill of being able to read the room. This is so true. There has to be a level of attraction but what so many don’t understand is that this isn’t just about looks. One of my pet hates is a ‘hi’ message from a next to blank profile with a single photo (often a cock pic). How am I supposed to gauge attraction and compatibility from that?! " Absolutely agree with this. Those messages go straight in the deleted for us. Agree with your other points about the OP’s profile as well, if that’s the kind of woman they want then they should keep the profile and status as it is but I wouldn’t expect much of a response. As a couple we look for literate, respectful guys that can actually hold a conversation and understand it’s not all about the dick! | |||
" As a couple we look for literate, respectful guys that can actually hold a conversation and understand it’s not all about the dick! " Completely agree. I think many are the same - of course there are dozens of variations but I don’t think we’re alone!! | |||
 | |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). " 1000000% this. You might be the nicest guy on the planet but I don’t get that from your bio. Swinging isn’t all about sex. A large part of this lifestyle is the social element and the way you put yourself out there to the community doesn’t scream ‘I’m a decent guy’, I just feel completely objectified and grossed out by the vulgarity. If this is what you’re putting out there publicly then I can only imagine what your messages look like. If you don’t already, I’d also advise spending some time reading and understanding the profiles of the women you’re messaging and send something that shows you’re worth their time of day. | |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). 1000000% this. You might be the nicest guy on the planet but I don’t get that from your bio. Swinging isn’t all about sex. A large part of this lifestyle is the social element and the way you put yourself out there to the community doesn’t scream ‘I’m a decent guy’, I just feel completely objectified and grossed out by the vulgarity. If this is what you’re putting out there publicly then I can only imagine what your messages look like. If you don’t already, I’d also advise spending some time reading and understanding the profiles of the women you’re messaging and send something that shows you’re worth their time of day. " If there was an applause emoji I'd just have posted a load of them here! | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). 1000000% this. You might be the nicest guy on the planet but I don’t get that from your bio. Swinging isn’t all about sex. A large part of this lifestyle is the social element and the way you put yourself out there to the community doesn’t scream ‘I’m a decent guy’, I just feel completely objectified and grossed out by the vulgarity. If this is what you’re putting out there publicly then I can only imagine what your messages look like. If you don’t already, I’d also advise spending some time reading and understanding the profiles of the women you’re messaging and send something that shows you’re worth their time of day. If there was an applause emoji I'd just have posted a load of them here! "👏 👏👏👏 Like these - you can use standard phone emojis in here | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). 1000000% this. You might be the nicest guy on the planet but I don’t get that from your bio. Swinging isn’t all about sex. A large part of this lifestyle is the social element and the way you put yourself out there to the community doesn’t scream ‘I’m a decent guy’, I just feel completely objectified and grossed out by the vulgarity. If this is what you’re putting out there publicly then I can only imagine what your messages look like. If you don’t already, I’d also advise spending some time reading and understanding the profiles of the women you’re messaging and send something that shows you’re worth their time of day. If there was an applause emoji I'd just have posted a load of them here!
👏 👏👏👏
Like these - you can use standard phone emojis in here "Ooooooohhhhh - I didn't know that! Thank you!! | |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). 1000000% this. You might be the nicest guy on the planet but I don’t get that from your bio. Swinging isn’t all about sex. A large part of this lifestyle is the social element and the way you put yourself out there to the community doesn’t scream ‘I’m a decent guy’, I just feel completely objectified and grossed out by the vulgarity. If this is what you’re putting out there publicly then I can only imagine what your messages look like. If you don’t already, I’d also advise spending some time reading and understanding the profiles of the women you’re messaging and send something that shows you’re worth their time of day. If there was an applause emoji I'd just have posted a load of them here!
👏 👏👏👏
Like these - you can use standard phone emojis in here
Ooooooohhhhh - I didn't know that! Thank you!! "👍 | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). 1000000% this. You might be the nicest guy on the planet but I don’t get that from your bio. Swinging isn’t all about sex. A large part of this lifestyle is the social element and the way you put yourself out there to the community doesn’t scream ‘I’m a decent guy’, I just feel completely objectified and grossed out by the vulgarity. If this is what you’re putting out there publicly then I can only imagine what your messages look like. If you don’t already, I’d also advise spending some time reading and understanding the profiles of the women you’re messaging and send something that shows you’re worth their time of day. " Have to say, although I've posted a load of positive stuff on here it's also true to say that just getting a message/reply on Fab has proved almost impossible, despite trying to be very much a gentleman in my approach. Fab is a desert for many, many men, including all of the good guys I know. We are expected to jump through every possible hoop, but are also told to suck up stony silence on a protracted basis in return. It's not a wonder that so many give up, or think there's something wrong with them - not including the morons with desperately unpleasant approaches to messaging and/or lacking respect for women. Attending organised socials and clubs really does prove a game-changer, but won't necessarily provide intimate 1-1 liaisons. In the end guys have to accept how it is, leave, or go mad trying. I've been lucky ultimately, particularly as I'm a very ordinary kinda guy. | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets " Having read your profile, I suspect that many women on here are looking for a more vanilla meet than you seem to be seeking. That's not to say nobody will be interested, but it's a much smaller pool to start with. You might want to try more kink leaning sites. | |||
| |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene?... ...as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets" • No, I don't find it difficult at all. That's probably because I've created a profile that, I suspect, appeals to a proportion of women who will align with what I've written and feel somewhat piqued by my photographs. I'm not one for displaying photos of my penis. I'm not a fan of displaying photos or videos of me having sex with women. Clearly I have sex with women but I don't feel the need to display it in inglorious technicolour on my profile. (Thankfully I have no such content anyway) Crass status updates? That's a sure fire way to close the door to any potential opportunities. | |||
"Message wise I think unsuccessful messages fall into 3 categories genrally: Cat A: A terible message. Be that just totally tone deaf, way off the mark, clealy copy and paste (because copy and paste genrally doesn't come across well or is not even relevant) or just nasty. Or there is the ones that just say Hi. That doesn't genrally work for us and at the end of the day if you just wanted to make you presence known isn't that what winks are for? Cat B: Reasonable and respectful enough messages but what is being said or proposed isn't our cup of tea. Cat C: A good solid messages but after looking at the profile they're just not for us or it's so blank we don't have anything to go off. I totally get peoples frustration when they put effort into a message and get nothing positive back. Something I've experience as a single. However you have to remember it's the nature of the beast. Just because you put effort into sending an unsolicited message people don't owe you anything for a message they didn't ask for. Also to add every good encounter I've had from massaging first came off the back of a decent opening message. Mr" All of this is absolutely relevant to many guys on here. The last one is with me definitely, which is why istopped bothering some time ago. Complete waste of everyone's time for the vast majority of the time. I suspect response rates over the 3 - 4 years I was messaging was around 2%, with most of those being a 'thanks but no thanks'. I've always advocated the socials/clubs route as it's far better for everyone in every respect. Nothing to recommend Fab for for a single guy, unless it's to publish verifications once a good reputation has been established. In the last five years I've had nothing but positive vibes, whereas on Fab it was nothing but negative ones. Makes sense to go with positivity. The above being true it's also true that on here is great as part of a couple, which I was for three years. Great times. Horses for courses really. | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene?... ...as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets • No, I don't find it difficult at all. That's probably because I've created a profile that, I suspect, appeals to a proportion of women who will align with what I've written and feel somewhat piqued by my photographs. I'm not one for displaying photos of my penis. I'm not a fan of displaying photos or videos of me having sex with women. Clearly I have sex with women but I don't feel the need to display it in inglorious technicolour on my profile. (Thankfully I have no such content anyway) Crass status updates? That's a sure fire way to close the door to any potential opportunities." All of which is borne out by a great profile! Bravo my man! | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene?... ...as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets • No, I don't find it difficult at all. That's probably because I've created a profile that, I suspect, appeals to a proportion of women who will align with what I've written and feel somewhat piqued by my photographs. I'm not one for displaying photos of my penis. I'm not a fan of displaying photos or videos of me having sex with women. Clearly I have sex with women but I don't feel the need to display it in inglorious technicolour on my profile. (Thankfully I have no such content anyway) Crass status updates? That's a sure fire way to close the door to any potential opportunities. All of which is borne out by a great profile! Bravo my man!" He’s lying btw. | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets " If you're looking for something to blame then blame the overflow of 'normal' people that aren't actually swingers or nowhere near close to it overflow from grindr, tindr or even facebook for that matter.. most people here do not belong and those are usually the types to be beggy on the forums or leave silently and close the door on their way out.. If you want it you gotta go and get it these days or you won't, anybody that lands in my inbox knows this, very few have met and most get shifted on because this site has been filled with desperate 'right now I need help having a wank' kind of people and because of that the better kinds of open people are now much more exclusive an a lot of that minority is limited. I use this site on 3 profiles and neither one has a hard time finding meets and I have met many people that made it to my contacts list but just as I, they also need a lil bit of what this site does not offer.. The world is full of adults throwing their dummy out the pram, if you gotta ask then you've obviously asked all the wrong questions prior, coz clearly you haven't said the right thing.... | |||
| |||
| |||
"Had many private meets as a single guy? What’s your formula?" Almost 3 years on here now for me, and no meets what so ever. | |||
"Had many private meets as a single guy? What’s your formula? Almost 3 years on here now for me, and no meets what so ever. " That's almost tragic but I totally understand why | |||
| |||
| |||
"We know their are nice decent single men on here we've met alot through group socials and clubs. We've given up looking on here tho and we have our filters on. We just don't have the time or patience to go through stupid amounts of messages hoping that in amongst all the weird and insulting and the messages totally ignoring my husband that we might find 1 decent message. I understand that socials and clubs are not for everyone but I think as a single man cutting out the middle man (fab) would definitely improve your chances.. " I’ve been to 8 clubs across the NW and NE as a solo guy, to a total of 19 visits. Whilst I have enjoyed a modicum of ‘success’, I would never recommend the club scene to a mate, as a way of meeting likeminded people for friendly fun. Indeed, if a man ever wanted to feel like he was wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak, you’ll have no better place than a swinger club to experience this phenomenon…… 
Fab has always been a far better way for me to meet people over the years, and being 1 1/2 hours drive from the nearest club to me, nobody can argue it’s ‘easier’ to just go to a club. Don’t get me started on solo guy entry fees either….. Fab is definitely a level playing field as far as membership fees goes… | |||
"We know their are nice decent single men on here we've met alot through group socials and clubs. We've given up looking on here tho and we have our filters on. We just don't have the time or patience to go through stupid amounts of messages hoping that in amongst all the weird and insulting and the messages totally ignoring my husband that we might find 1 decent message. I understand that socials and clubs are not for everyone but I think as a single man cutting out the middle man (fab) would definitely improve your chances.. " This is SO true! Fab is a minefield populated by many thousands of single guys, who mostly have zero understanding of the lifestyle and have absolutely no intention of wanting to. As a result couples - and particularly single women - are bombarded by braindead morons who just want someone to get them off. As a result guys who ARE good and who do go about things in a positive and respectful way are either lost in a sea of apathy and negativity. Women also know they don't need to make any effort with regards to Fab either, which doesn't help. As a results of the above I stopped messaging over three years ago and have felt much better about myself as a result. I know my profile is a respectful and decent one and average twenty views (that I'm aware of) a week and assume that the fact that my inbox is empty means I'm not good enough. This doesn't deter me from my day to day life and I do really well in my local clubs. One rule I do have though is to never play or give any real time to anyone who's shown an interest in the club, but has completely blanked me previously if I've sent them a message prior and been deemed not good enough. Feels kinda hypocritical to me. I also find it odd when those self-same women then get arsey with me for saying no - not that it's a regular occurrence by any means. For me it's just a self-respect check for myself. I know my worth and am comfortable in my own skin. I would say that I do feel good guys shouldn't suffer due to the hard of thinking ones, but the fact is that's how it is - and always will be. If a man can't accept that and take it on the chin this might not be the best place for him. Remaining respectful and dignified in the face of rejection should also be a given for any man. | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets " It's not easy for couples either - 75% of our meets don't turn up; we message guys but get one word replies; no-one reads profiles. We're not your target market due to age I think, and you've not asked for profile advice, but looking at your pics and text, we'd not message. (Bry) | |||
IMO the whole thing waves up that many red flags I'd most likely block you before replying. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene?... ...as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets • No, I don't find it difficult at all. That's probably because I've created a profile that, I suspect, appeals to a proportion of women who will align with what I've written and feel somewhat piqued by my photographs. I'm not one for displaying photos of my penis. I'm not a fan of displaying photos or videos of me having sex with women. Clearly I have sex with women but I don't feel the need to display it in inglorious technicolour on my profile. (Thankfully I have no such content anyway) Crass status updates? That's a sure fire way to close the door to any potential opportunities. · All of which is borne out by a great profile! Bravo my man! · He’s lying btw." • 🙄 | |||
| |||
| |||
But subsequent visits also alone weren't anywhere near as successful to the point I don't go at all on my own  on top of that, a social in a cocktail bar in Shrewsbury back in January provided me my other (& to date, last) verifications & that also the last time to date I've had a good night within the lifestyle.
Result: totally get the single guy syndrome & don't know what I can suggest to anyone else | |||
| |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). " This deserves a round of applause! | |||
"Thank you for your candid observation. Obviously I’m wanting to attract women like you and if that’s not working then I need to change it " never change who you are and what you want just to fit into someone elses likings just to get a meet.be you | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). This deserves a round of applause!" Thank you! Just my perspective. xx | |||
| |||
All joking aside, I'll give you the same advice I'd give any other guy.
Stop using Fab and get out in the real world. Go to clubs and socials. Network, talk to like minded people, make freinds etc. Once you do that, the sky is the limit.
Now I'll admit, I'm not acctually single. I do have a couples account on here with my wife but I do play solo about 70% of the time (because that is our dynamic).
If you choose to look at my veri's on this and my couples account (named in my profile) you'll see a common theme and that is that I'm very socialble and (apparently) respectable.
Anything else is moot and would be me blowing my own trumpet...
Here is the thing. I dont get anywhere on. I really dont. I'm one guy in tidal wave of them when it comes to messages and a picture and short profile says nothing much. In fact on here I'm most likely to be told no because I'm married. A lot of people assume I'm cheating..whatever, they can think what they like.
But out in the real world, I have none of the issues people have on here. Be it a club or social event, I have no problem connecting with people. I can easily read when someone isnt interested before I even approach them and have (through their own words) opened up things for people who didnt even know they wanted those things opened. For example, I've met couples who where actively looking for couples only just to have it a month later where she's having her first hotwife experiance with me in a hotel overnight.
Thats not a brag. It's just a reality of what has happened to me. If you're decent enough person, get involved with people, you make freinds, you network enough and most importantly you get on well with people (something I have always prided myself on and not just for swinging) the sky is the limit. Because if you're good on the social side of things, you are good on everything else. People will come to you.
| |||
| |||
"Have you tried not being single? I hear it works wonders
All joking aside, I'll give you the same advice I'd give any other guy.
Stop using Fab and get out in the real world. Go to clubs and socials. Network, talk to like minded people, make freinds etc. Once you do that, the sky is the limit.
Now I'll admit, I'm not acctually single. I do have a couples account on here with my wife but I do play solo about 70% of the time (because that is our dynamic).
If you choose to look at my veri's on this and my couples account (named in my profile) you'll see a common theme and that is that I'm very socialble and (apparently) respectable.
Anything else is moot and would be me blowing my own trumpet...
Here is the thing. I dont get anywhere on. I really dont. I'm one guy in tidal wave of them when it comes to messages and a picture and short profile says nothing much. In fact on here I'm most likely to be told no because I'm married. A lot of people assume I'm cheating..whatever, they can think what they like.
But out in the real world, I have none of the issues people have on here. Be it a club or social event, I have no problem connecting with people. I can easily read when someone isnt interested before I even approach them and have (through their own words) opened up things for people who didnt even know they wanted those things opened. For example, I've met couples who where actively looking for couples only just to have it a month later where she's having her first hotwife experiance with me in a hotel overnight.
Thats not a brag. It's just a reality of what has happened to me. If you're decent enough person, get involved with people, you make freinds, you network enough and most importantly you get on well with people (something I have always prided myself on and not just for swinging) the sky is the limit. Because if you're good on the social side of things, you are good on everything else. People will come to you.
This is pretty much my experience too - other than the hotwife part. We're all anonymous on Fab, no matter what. Only difference between men and women is that more men are prepared to take a chance on meeting someone really great, although the pool to choose from for women/couples is huge by comparison. As a result clubs and socials enable a single fella to show his worth, at least with those who are prepared to open their minds. Some won't admittedly. Some will be friendly and chat, while others won't even acknowledge a single guy's existence, looking straight through him. It's about finding our people.
" | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). " This, this and all of this. | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets Having taken a look at your profile it's off-putting as another single, straight guy, so I'd suggest it's absolutely going to turn a lot of good women off too. Your profile looks like you're sneering, suggesting arrogance and up your own arse. That's not a good look to many women. Secondly far too many of your photos are of your cock. Women want to meet a person, not an appendage. It suggests you're saying there's nothing to you but that, so youre not selling yourself/doing yourself justice. (Maybe keep one or two, but get rid of (or hide the rest for friends only)). As for using photos with another womans face in is highly likely to suggest you don't respect women. Again not a good look. Maybe chat to some female friends from Fab, (or strangers on here if not) and find out what makes for a good profile. (Keep the body shot - that's definitely going to look attractive to women I'd suggest). This, this and all of this." Thank you! Not suggesting it's going to convert any guy into a winner by any means, but it at least suggests self-respect and a modicum of dignity, which could potentially manifest itself in being a good egg - hopefully enough to gain interest potentially. I'd have to say it doesn't from a personal perspective as my inbox is perpetually empty, but I at least know my profile reflects the true me. If that's not good enough then so be it. I accept I have to own that myself, but no point in trying to be someone other than who I am. Every individual has to choose their own path, but no sense for me in creating a fake personal in order to be successful. That's a lose for everyone. I've always accepted I'm probably going to 'untick' boxes for many women.......height, hair, age, etc. but I can't pretend to be a tall, dark and handsome bronzed god. One thing I cando is read profiles thoroughly and not message anyone who describes a preference for something other than what I am. Probably won't get read, but if it does eyes will be rolled, messages deleted without response and I'll have wasted a part of my day where I could have done something more productive with my time. It's never a bad thing to take a look at ourselves in the mirror and be a realist. | |||
"Have you tried not being single? I hear it works wonders
All joking aside, I'll give you the same advice I'd give any other guy.
Stop using Fab and get out in the real world. Go to clubs and socials. Network, talk to like minded people, make freinds etc. Once you do that, the sky is the limit.
Now I'll admit, I'm not acctually single. I do have a couples account on here with my wife but I do play solo about 70% of the time (because that is our dynamic).
If you choose to look at my veri's on this and my couples account (named in my profile) you'll see a common theme and that is that I'm very socialble and (apparently) respectable.
Anything else is moot and would be me blowing my own trumpet...
Here is the thing. I dont get anywhere on. I really dont. I'm one guy in tidal wave of them when it comes to messages and a picture and short profile says nothing much. In fact on here I'm most likely to be told no because I'm married. A lot of people assume I'm cheating..whatever, they can think what they like.
But out in the real world, I have none of the issues people have on here. Be it a club or social event, I have no problem connecting with people. I can easily read when someone isnt interested before I even approach them and have (through their own words) opened up things for people who didnt even know they wanted those things opened. For example, I've met couples who where actively looking for couples only just to have it a month later where she's having her first hotwife experiance with me in a hotel overnight.
Thats not a brag. It's just a reality of what has happened to me. If you're decent enough person, get involved with people, you make freinds, you network enough and most importantly you get on well with people (something I have always prided myself on and not just for swinging) the sky is the limit. Because if you're good on the social side of things, you are good on everything else. People will come to you.
This is pretty much my experience too - other than the hotwife part. We're all anonymous on Fab, no matter what. Only difference between men and women is that more men are prepared to take a chance on meeting someone really great, although the pool to choose from for women/couples is huge by comparison. As a result clubs and socials enable a single fella to show his worth, at least with those who are prepared to open their minds. Some won't admittedly. Some will be friendly and chat, while others won't even acknowledge a single guy's existence, looking straight through him. It's about finding our people.
"“Some won’t even acknowledge a single guy’s existence”………yep, that’s pretty much my experience of the club scene, almost each, and every time I’ve been to one. 8 clubs, to a total of 19 visits. Nobody could argue I didn’t give the clubs a fair go, and I would never recommend the club scene to a mate, as a way of meeting likeminded, friendly people. I can confidently say, you will always meet more women in your local Wetherspoons, than you will in a swinger club…
Don’t get me wrong; a single guy CAN have a good time in a swinger club, and I have! Once or twice….! But Fab has been a much more rewarding ‘resource’ for me over the years, and I genuinely feel more of an equal in here, than I do when I physically put myself in a swinger club. But maybe I just haven’t been to ‘the right club, on the right night’ yet…… | |||
"Have you tried not being single? I hear it works wonders
All joking aside, I'll give you the same advice I'd give any other guy.
Stop using Fab and get out in the real world. Go to clubs and socials. Network, talk to like minded people, make freinds etc. Once you do that, the sky is the limit.
Now I'll admit, I'm not acctually single. I do have a couples account on here with my wife but I do play solo about 70% of the time (because that is our dynamic).
If you choose to look at my veri's on this and my couples account (named in my profile) you'll see a common theme and that is that I'm very socialble and (apparently) respectable.
Anything else is moot and would be me blowing my own trumpet...
Here is the thing. I dont get anywhere on. I really dont. I'm one guy in tidal wave of them when it comes to messages and a picture and short profile says nothing much. In fact on here I'm most likely to be told no because I'm married. A lot of people assume I'm cheating..whatever, they can think what they like.
But out in the real world, I have none of the issues people have on here. Be it a club or social event, I have no problem connecting with people. I can easily read when someone isnt interested before I even approach them and have (through their own words) opened up things for people who didnt even know they wanted those things opened. For example, I've met couples who where actively looking for couples only just to have it a month later where she's having her first hotwife experiance with me in a hotel overnight.
Thats not a brag. It's just a reality of what has happened to me. If you're decent enough person, get involved with people, you make freinds, you network enough and most importantly you get on well with people (something I have always prided myself on and not just for swinging) the sky is the limit. Because if you're good on the social side of things, you are good on everything else. People will come to you.
This is pretty much my experience too - other than the hotwife part. We're all anonymous on Fab, no matter what. Only difference between men and women is that more men are prepared to take a chance on meeting someone really great, although the pool to choose from for women/couples is huge by comparison. As a result clubs and socials enable a single fella to show his worth, at least with those who are prepared to open their minds. Some won't admittedly. Some will be friendly and chat, while others won't even acknowledge a single guy's existence, looking straight through him. It's about finding our people.
“Some won’t even acknowledge a single guy’s existence”………yep, that’s pretty much my experience of the club scene, almost each, and every time I’ve been to one.
8 clubs, to a total of 19 visits. Nobody could argue I didn’t give the clubs a fair go, and I would never recommend the club scene to a mate, as a way of meeting likeminded, friendly people. I can confidently say, you will always meet more women in your local Wetherspoons, than you will in a swinger club…
Don’t get me wrong; a single guy CAN have a good time in a swinger club, and I have! Once or twice….! But Fab has been a much more rewarding ‘resource’ for me over the years, and I genuinely feel more of an equal in here, than I do when I physically put myself in a swinger club. But maybe I just haven’t been to ‘the right club, on the right night’ yet…… "We're all going to have different experiences. I always find it amazing - even incredible (in the truest sense of the word) that any single guy is successful on Fab. I wish I could find the secret having not had the ability to even get so much as a single reply in years. I know I'm good in terms of results once I've actually met people, it's just actually gaining the initial interest. It's a mystery to me. | |||
| |||
"Most if not all of the single guys I know on fab that are successful do not generally get meets through messaging." Same here! All good guys I know have had constant tumble - most have left. The guys I've known who have shitty attitudes to women come and go repeatedly. | |||
| |||
"Most if not all of the single guys I know on fab that are successful do not generally get meets through messaging." • All my meets have been through messaging. | |||
"Most if not all of the single guys I know on fab that are successful do not generally get meets through messaging. • All my meets have been through messaging." Nero you're the gold standard. A wordsmith without equal. | |||
| |||
"Most if not all of the single guys I know on fab that are successful do not generally get meets through messaging. • All my meets have been through messaging." I’m very similar. I think I’m lucky, living in an area devoid of swinger clubs, so people put more effort in to meeting through Fab | |||
"Most if not all of the single guys I know on fab that are successful do not generally get meets through messaging. • All my meets have been through messaging." And mine. | |||
"Most if not all of the single guys I know on fab that are successful do not generally get meets through messaging. • All my meets have been through messaging. And mine. " And mine. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"This discussion has got me thinking both as what I've seen from guys and my own experiences as a single guy on fab and the club scene (before I met Mrs). First thing I often say oh if you're a decent bloke and present a good profile you'll do ok. From my own experience that seems true, why I say it, I did OK and I'm not gods gift. But when you've ok that easy to say, isn't. However despite the many dreadful profiles there's some decent prospects out there and decent profiles that still get no luck. So surely there more decent guys out there not finding any look. So maybe just being a decent guy with a good profile is not enough and there's more to it. Maybe because of my relative success as a single guy I lack the understanding and thus am a bit unfairly blase. As to that magic ingredient maybe I've not understood myself. However I suspect a big problem is people getting it wrong in how they approach and talk to people. I've always been intrested in the female experience on here. Over the years I've talked to loads of the women I've met on here and on online dating and heard many of the same dreadful stories of the conversation they've had that have turned sour. Now from a couples perspective I've seen this first hand, a lot. Dreadful messages or turns in conversation from good profiles and possibly perfectly decent guys who just get it wrong and spoil it. So I think conversation skill may often be a problem too." I think you've hit on a lot of things there, all of which are very fair AND shed some light on things in being realistic. I KNOW I can hold a good conversation, make a woman laugh and smile and have more often than not enjoyed intimate time with the women I've had the pleasure of meeting. That being said I'm also pretty sure my profile is a good one and get a lot of views, BUT never had a single message in five years on here. I know my reputation in person is excellent based on face to face interactions and in my verifications, with a huge discrepancy between how things go at socials/clubs compared to Fab. You've got to have an opportunity to be able to show who you are - and the vast majority of guys never seem to get that. It stands to reason a good proportion of those guys are decent and worthy fellas, but just never get a break. Recognising that and having the courage to step out of the comfort zone in method of approach can make massive strides forward. | |||
"Brilliant reply mate. Yeah I’ve found it to be exactly as you’ve said. I have had success as as a single guy but it’s like so much effort it’s disheartening. When I was in a couple it was so easy. My local is Xtasia but I’m a little nervous to go alone as a single guy as we’re so polarised from the rest like we don’t belong. Hey yeah we do!!! Just a bit disappointing tbh " Absolutely love xtasia, so welcoming! I would give it a go if I was you | |||
"Brilliant reply mate. Yeah I’ve found it to be exactly as you’ve said. I have had success as as a single guy but it’s like so much effort it’s disheartening. When I was in a couple it was so easy. My local is Xtasia but I’m a little nervous to go alone as a single guy as we’re so polarised from the rest like we don’t belong. Hey yeah we do!!! Just a bit disappointing tbh Absolutely love xtasia, so welcoming! I would give it a go if I was you " Did you mean welcoming for women and couples, or everyone? Tried it several times a few years back, three as a couple (fairly welcoming) and once asa single (not even remotely). Was it just an 'unlucky' night, or a typical one? The guys on the door were superb every time BTW!). | |||
"Brilliant reply mate. Yeah I’ve found it to be exactly as you’ve said. I have had success as as a single guy but it’s like so much effort it’s disheartening. When I was in a couple it was so easy. My local is Xtasia but I’m a little nervous to go alone as a single guy as we’re so polarised from the rest like we don’t belong. Hey yeah we do!!! Just a bit disappointing tbh Absolutely love xtasia, so welcoming! I would give it a go if I was you Did you mean welcoming for women and couples, or everyone? Tried it several times a few years back, three as a couple (fairly welcoming) and once asa single (not even remotely). Was it just an 'unlucky' night, or a typical one? The guys on the door were superb every time BTW!)." I must admit I generally go on bmfc nights and I know the single guys love it but probably different atmosphere I go as a single female and have always feel welcomed, the staff are great and the club doesn’t feel clicky at all, not like others | |||
| |||
"Brilliant reply mate. Yeah I’ve found it to be exactly as you’ve said. I have had success as as a single guy but it’s like so much effort it’s disheartening. When I was in a couple it was so easy. My local is Xtasia but I’m a little nervous to go alone as a single guy as we’re so polarised from the rest like we don’t belong. Hey yeah we do!!! Just a bit disappointing tbh Absolutely love xtasia, so welcoming! I would give it a go if I was you Did you mean welcoming for women and couples, or everyone? Tried it several times a few years back, three as a couple (fairly welcoming) and once asa single (not even remotely). Was it just an 'unlucky' night, or a typical one? The guys on the door were superb every time BTW!). I must admit I generally go on bmfc nights and I know the single guys love it but probably different atmosphere I go as a single female and have always feel welcomed, the staff are great and the club doesn’t feel clicky at all, not like others " Thank you. Always interesting to hear different perspectives. Always going to be different for men and women I suspect. | |||
"Do any other single guys find it difficult to be taken serious in this scene? I’ve been a couple here and had loads of fun. But as a single guy it becomes near impossible to set up meets " I think it’s probably the volume of men to women that is more of an issue rather than whether you are taken seriously Us ladies get so many messages , mainly from guys that don’t read our profiles and aren’t what we are looking for so maybe your messages get lost to them This is why I advocate clubs that specialise for single guy nights. Get yourself out there , socialise and network and hopefully you will find it easier to actually meet others with your vibe | |||
"This discussion has got me thinking both as what I've seen from guys and my own experiences as a single guy on fab and the club scene (before I met Mrs). First thing I often say oh if you're a decent bloke and present a good profile you'll do ok. From my own experience that seems true, why I say it, I did OK and I'm not gods gift. But when you've ok that easy to say, isn't. However despite the many dreadful profiles there's some decent prospects out there and decent profiles that still get no luck. So surely there more decent guys out there not finding any look. So maybe just being a decent guy with a good profile is not enough and there's more to it. Maybe because of my relative success as a single guy I lack the understanding and thus am a bit unfairly blase. As to that magic ingredient maybe I've not understood myself. However I suspect a big problem is people getting it wrong in how they approach and talk to people. I've always been intrested in the female experience on here. Over the years I've talked to loads of the women I've met on here and on online dating and heard many of the same dreadful stories of the conversation they've had that have turned sour. Now from a couples perspective I've seen this first hand, a lot. Dreadful messages or turns in conversation from good profiles and possibly perfectly decent guys who just get it wrong and spoil it. So I think conversation skill may often be a problem too. I think you've hit on a lot of things there, all of which are very fair AND shed some light on things in being realistic. I KNOW I can hold a good conversation, make a woman laugh and smile and have more often than not enjoyed intimate time with the women I've had the pleasure of meeting. That being said I'm also pretty sure my profile is a good one and get a lot of views, BUT never had a single message in five years on here. I know my reputation in person is excellent based on face to face interactions and in my verifications, with a huge discrepancy between how things go at socials/clubs compared to Fab. You've got to have an opportunity to be able to show who you are - and the vast majority of guys never seem to get that. It stands to reason a good proportion of those guys are decent and worthy fellas, but just never get a break. Recognising that and having the courage to step out of the comfort zone in method of approach can make massive strides forward. " 124 verifications, I salute you sir. I havnt even got one in three years. | |||
"This discussion has got me thinking both as what I've seen from guys and my own experiences as a single guy on fab and the club scene (before I met Mrs). First thing I often say oh if you're a decent bloke and present a good profile you'll do ok. From my own experience that seems true, why I say it, I did OK and I'm not gods gift. But when you've ok that easy to say, isn't. However despite the many dreadful profiles there's some decent prospects out there and decent profiles that still get no luck. So surely there more decent guys out there not finding any look. So maybe just being a decent guy with a good profile is not enough and there's more to it. Maybe because of my relative success as a single guy I lack the understanding and thus am a bit unfairly blase. As to that magic ingredient maybe I've not understood myself. However I suspect a big problem is people getting it wrong in how they approach and talk to people. I've always been intrested in the female experience on here. Over the years I've talked to loads of the women I've met on here and on online dating and heard many of the same dreadful stories of the conversation they've had that have turned sour. Now from a couples perspective I've seen this first hand, a lot. Dreadful messages or turns in conversation from good profiles and possibly perfectly decent guys who just get it wrong and spoil it. So I think conversation skill may often be a problem too. I think you've hit on a lot of things there, all of which are very fair AND shed some light on things in being realistic. I KNOW I can hold a good conversation, make a woman laugh and smile and have more often than not enjoyed intimate time with the women I've had the pleasure of meeting. That being said I'm also pretty sure my profile is a good one and get a lot of views, BUT never had a single message in five years on here. I know my reputation in person is excellent based on face to face interactions and in my verifications, with a huge discrepancy between how things go at socials/clubs compared to Fab. You've got to have an opportunity to be able to show who you are - and the vast majority of guys never seem to get that. It stands to reason a good proportion of those guys are decent and worthy fellas, but just never get a break. Recognising that and having the courage to step out of the comfort zone in method of approach can make massive strides forward. " Something I was thinking the other day: When you message online all that other person has to go off is the littoral word (and maybe the occasional emoji). But it's devoid of facial expressions, tone, body language etc. So it's so easy to be misunderstood or just not come across accurately or the way you intend. I think the consequences are different in the online world than the physical world. Online you're a faceless stranger on the Internet. No one has really invested in you or has to let you down face to face. They can be very fickle and the simplist of errors or not coming across right or loss of context can put you in the bin. After all in the online space you're one of many potential opportunities. However in the real world its harder to come across wrong and easier to be forgiven in the wider context of your overall character. Because in the physical world people get to see the real you and the full context of what you say with the addition of tone, eye contact and body language. So things come across easier with their intent and impact. But also you have the advantage of seeing their responses in terms of body language and the tone of what they say back. In that initial game of chess it gives you a lot more advantage in playing your next move or calculating their actual not for you. Also within the confines of a limited space and number of perceived opportunities there maybe a little less fickleness. Not saying people drop their standards, just that if you're in the right ball park you maybe seen as a good option in lue other options in that limited time and space. Sorry if that sound a little cynical but I think that's a thing and to be fair perfectly legitimate and logical. People go to an event to hopefully find something that'll be fun and work as online there's no time frame and always that perception of something better maybe round the corner. This is why I think there's a lot of good men who would fare better in real world situations like organised social events, parties and clubs. And I think your testament that once you get about and known in the physical swinging world it can be a game changer. That's why there are some guys we know on the club scene who get a lot of action, who word of mouth spreads about them and unlocks prospects and party invites with others based of recommendations. Because people like the perceived reliability of someone who's spoken well off and recommend, especially if organising a party. Mr | |||
"This discussion has got me thinking both as what I've seen from guys and my own experiences as a single guy on fab and the club scene (before I met Mrs). First thing I often say oh if you're a decent bloke and present a good profile you'll do ok. From my own experience that seems true, why I say it, I did OK and I'm not gods gift. But when you've ok that easy to say, isn't. However despite the many dreadful profiles there's some decent prospects out there and decent profiles that still get no luck. So surely there more decent guys out there not finding any look. So maybe just being a decent guy with a good profile is not enough and there's more to it. Maybe because of my relative success as a single guy I lack the understanding and thus am a bit unfairly blase. As to that magic ingredient maybe I've not understood myself. However I suspect a big problem is people getting it wrong in how they approach and talk to people. I've always been intrested in the female experience on here. Over the years I've talked to loads of the women I've met on here and on online dating and heard many of the same dreadful stories of the conversation they've had that have turned sour. Now from a couples perspective I've seen this first hand, a lot. Dreadful messages or turns in conversation from good profiles and possibly perfectly decent guys who just get it wrong and spoil it. So I think conversation skill may often be a problem too. I think you've hit on a lot of things there, all of which are very fair AND shed some light on things in being realistic. I KNOW I can hold a good conversation, make a woman laugh and smile and have more often than not enjoyed intimate time with the women I've had the pleasure of meeting. That being said I'm also pretty sure my profile is a good one and get a lot of views, BUT never had a single message in five years on here. I know my reputation in person is excellent based on face to face interactions and in my verifications, with a huge discrepancy between how things go at socials/clubs compared to Fab. You've got to have an opportunity to be able to show who you are - and the vast majority of guys never seem to get that. It stands to reason a good proportion of those guys are decent and worthy fellas, but just never get a break. Recognising that and having the courage to step out of the comfort zone in method of approach can make massive strides forward. Something I was thinking the other day: When you message online all that other person has to go off is the littoral word (and maybe the occasional emoji). But it's devoid of facial expressions, tone, body language etc. So it's so easy to be misunderstood or just not come across accurately or the way you intend. I think the consequences are different in the online world than the physical world. Online you're a faceless stranger on the Internet. No one has really invested in you or has to let you down face to face. They can be very fickle and the simplist of errors or not coming across right or loss of context can put you in the bin. After all in the online space you're one of many potential opportunities. However in the real world its harder to come across wrong and easier to be forgiven in the wider context of your overall character. Because in the physical world people get to see the real you and the full context of what you say with the addition of tone, eye contact and body language. So things come across easier with their intent and impact. But also you have the advantage of seeing their responses in terms of body language and the tone of what they say back. In that initial game of chess it gives you a lot more advantage in playing your next move or calculating their actual not for you. Also within the confines of a limited space and number of perceived opportunities there maybe a little less fickleness. Not saying people drop their standards, just that if you're in the right ball park you maybe seen as a good option in lue other options in that limited time and space. Sorry if that sound a little cynical but I think that's a thing and to be fair perfectly legitimate and logical. People go to an event to hopefully find something that'll be fun and work as online there's no time frame and always that perception of something better maybe round the corner. This is why I think there's a lot of good men who would fare better in real world situations like organised social events, parties and clubs. And I think your testament that once you get about and known in the physical swinging world it can be a game changer. That's why there are some guys we know on the club scene who get a lot of action, who word of mouth spreads about them and unlocks prospects and party invites with others based of recommendations. Because people like the perceived reliability of someone who's spoken well off and recommend, especially if organising a party. Mr" That's absolutely on the money in every respect. Superbly said! | |||
