FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > A traumatic first club experience
A traumatic first club experience
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"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. " I’m not the most confident, especially not on a first visit to a swinging club, hence why I was just there to evoke good vibes and get a feel, no more no less. Even if I’d had a terrible body and gave off negative vibes (which I didn’t) there would still be no excuse for that kind of thing. I honestly thought swinging was about body positivity, freedom and respect for each other, but what I found was aggressive competitiveness and pure humiliation | |||
"I’m just not sure I could stomach it happening again though without long term psychological damage as a result. At the end of the day I’m a human being with feelings, and to be metaphorically ‘shit on’ in that way for no reason is quite disgusting and damaging, and i’d never treat anyone the same way. I think maybe it’s a culture thing swinging specific to single guys. And absolutely shocking how the girl with her gay male friend treated the guy, literally makes my stomach turn. " The man who begged, then sucked on the promise to fuck is a cunt. Don't worry about him. Good you learned not to be naive . Only do what you are comfortable with. | |||
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"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. I’m not the most confident, especially not on a first visit to a swinging club, hence why I was just there to evoke good vibes and get a feel, no more no less. Even if I’d had a terrible body and gave off negative vibes (which I didn’t) there would still be no excuse for that kind of thing. I honestly thought swinging was about body positivity, freedom and respect for each other, but what I found was aggressive competitiveness and pure humiliation " Correct. What you found is what de facto swinging is. What you expected was more what true naturism is (supposed to be). | |||
"confidence is needed and one club vist will not give you that you need more dont give in stop worrying about what other men do or say just be you .. cock blocking is real and every club will have idiots male or female .. " .. Or learn to get excited when insulted. The more they insult, the harder and bigger your cock. Then fuck them all in the arse. 😂 | |||
"confidence is needed and one club vist will not give you that you need more dont give in stop worrying about what other men do or say just be you .. cock blocking is real and every club will have idiots male or female .. " I’m a confident guy in general. But if what you’re saying is playing those same games is required then I guess clubs just aren’t the place for me, which is a shame as I imagined that kind of thing was not part of swinging, but it seemed like the normal, which is not great at all. So if I had to play those same games I’d be no better than them. I’m only for good vibes | |||
"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. I’m not the most confident, especially not on a first visit to a swinging club, hence why I was just there to evoke good vibes and get a feel, no more no less. Even if I’d had a terrible body and gave off negative vibes (which I didn’t) there would still be no excuse for that kind of thing. I honestly thought swinging was about body positivity, freedom and respect for each other, but what I found was aggressive competitiveness and pure humiliation Correct. What you found is what de facto swinging is. What you expected was more what true naturism is (supposed to be)." So swinging for single guys is shitting on each other to get a reward? At least I learned I guess, but definitely not a culture I want to be a part of | |||
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"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. I’m not the most confident, especially not on a first visit to a swinging club, hence why I was just there to evoke good vibes and get a feel, no more no less. Even if I’d had a terrible body and gave off negative vibes (which I didn’t) there would still be no excuse for that kind of thing. I honestly thought swinging was about body positivity, freedom and respect for each other, but what I found was aggressive competitiveness and pure humiliation Correct. What you found is what de facto swinging is. What you expected was more what true naturism is (supposed to be). So swinging for single guys is shitting on each other to get a reward? At least I learned I guess, but definitely not a culture I want to be a part of" When it comes to limited resources, it's a dog fight, wolf eats wolf. You don't have to humiliate others, just don't allow them doing it to you. When I was a child, my father used to say : you should not beat others, but never allow to be beaten. Besides, it doesn't mean that your future club visits will be similar . Go when clubs are busy with many people. It's more likely that you'll be totally ignored than be picked on. Unless ...you are picked to participate in action  | |||
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"I think I would have found it hard to remain confident in the face of that kind of behaviour. It's awful that anyone should remark on your body like that. The men who did it are no more than playground bullies and in all likelihood saw you as a threat. None of that will help you though. I'm sorry that your experience was a bad one" That’s the issue. I think it’s best I focus on relationships outside of swinging and potentially re-enter the scene with a likeminded partner and focus on couples only events | |||
"I think I would have found it hard to remain confident in the face of that kind of behaviour. It's awful that anyone should remark on your body like that. The men who did it are no more than playground bullies and in all likelihood saw you as a threat. None of that will help you though. I'm sorry that your experience was a bad one That’s the issue. I think it’s best I focus on relationships outside of swinging and potentially re-enter the scene with a likeminded partner and focus on couples only events" If that would suit you better. I'm still aghast at the body shaming you experienced. People are always saying how welcoming clubs are and accepting of people. That was plain nasty | |||
"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. I’m not the most confident, especially not on a first visit to a swinging club, hence why I was just there to evoke good vibes and get a feel, no more no less. Even if I’d had a terrible body and gave off negative vibes (which I didn’t) there would still be no excuse for that kind of thing. I honestly thought swinging was about body positivity, freedom and respect for each other, but what I found was aggressive competitiveness and pure humiliation Correct. What you found is what de facto swinging is. What you expected was more what true naturism is (supposed to be). So swinging for single guys is shitting on each other to get a reward? At least I learned I guess, but definitely not a culture I want to be a part of When it comes to limited resources, it's a dog fight, wolf eats wolf. You don't have to humiliate others, just don't allow them doing it to you. When I was a child, my father used to say : you should not beat others, but never allow to be beaten. Besides, it doesn't mean that your future club visits will be similar . Go when clubs are busy with many people. It's more likely that you'll be totally ignored than be picked on. Unless ...you are picked to participate in action "All true. I think it’s best I focus on relationships outside of swinging, aim to meet someone who’s adventurous enough / already in the scene, and then focus on couples only events. I’m sure that’s also not complete and games, but for the most part it will be a lot more fun and authentic swinging | |||
"I think I would have found it hard to remain confident in the face of that kind of behaviour. It's awful that anyone should remark on your body like that. The men who did it are no more than playground bullies and in all likelihood saw you as a threat. None of that will help you though. I'm sorry that your experience was a bad one That’s the issue. I think it’s best I focus on relationships outside of swinging and potentially re-enter the scene with a likeminded partner and focus on couples only events If that would suit you better. I'm still aghast at the body shaming you experienced. People are always saying how welcoming clubs are and accepting of people. That was plain nasty " It was horrific. But I guess they saw me as a threat and were desperate to get what they wanted at any cost. | |||
"I think I would have found it hard to remain confident in the face of that kind of behaviour. It's awful that anyone should remark on your body like that. The men who did it are no more than playground bullies and in all likelihood saw you as a threat. None of that will help you though. I'm sorry that your experience was a bad one That’s the issue. I think it’s best I focus on relationships outside of swinging and potentially re-enter the scene with a likeminded partner and focus on couples only events If that would suit you better. I'm still aghast at the body shaming you experienced. People are always saying how welcoming clubs are and accepting of people. That was plain nasty It was horrific. But I guess they saw me as a threat and were desperate to get what they wanted at any cost. " I have to say that if a woman had posted similar she would have had white knights galloping to her rescue. | |||
"I think I would have found it hard to remain confident in the face of that kind of behaviour. It's awful that anyone should remark on your body like that. The men who did it are no more than playground bullies and in all likelihood saw you as a threat. None of that will help you though. I'm sorry that your experience was a bad one That’s the issue. I think it’s best I focus on relationships outside of swinging and potentially re-enter the scene with a likeminded partner and focus on couples only events If that would suit you better. I'm still aghast at the body shaming you experienced. People are always saying how welcoming clubs are and accepting of people. That was plain nasty It was horrific. But I guess they saw me as a threat and were desperate to get what they wanted at any cost. I have to say that if a woman had posted similar she would have had white knights galloping to her rescue. " 100% 😂. Yet barely a comment of support from a woman (apart from one who said something along the lines of ‘welcome the reality of de facto swinging’ 🤦🏼♂️). The world has definitely become sadistic to the single man, though that doesn’t stop other single man putting one another down 🤦🏼♂️ | |||
"I think I would have found it hard to remain confident in the face of that kind of behaviour. It's awful that anyone should remark on your body like that. The men who did it are no more than playground bullies and in all likelihood saw you as a threat. None of that will help you though. I'm sorry that your experience was a bad one That’s the issue. I think it’s best I focus on relationships outside of swinging and potentially re-enter the scene with a likeminded partner and focus on couples only events If that would suit you better. I'm still aghast at the body shaming you experienced. People are always saying how welcoming clubs are and accepting of people. That was plain nasty It was horrific. But I guess they saw me as a threat and were desperate to get what they wanted at any cost. I have to say that if a woman had posted similar she would have had white knights galloping to her rescue. 100% 😂. Yet barely a comment of support from a woman (apart from one who said something along the lines of ‘welcome the reality of de facto swinging’ 🤦🏼♂️). The world has definitely become sadistic to the single man, though that doesn’t stop other single man putting one another down 🤦🏼♂️" You couldn't know it of course but I'm the woman from this profile  | |||
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"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence "Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely | |||
"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely "The absolute minimum should be general respect and sensitivity towards others, especially how our behaviour may impact on them. It's troubling that people choose not to even give such bare minimum standards of decency any of their consideration. | |||
"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. " I’m 6’3” and about the same age and fairly fit, still do my 100 push ups in the morning 
but yea I couldn’t deal with club I visited. Just ignored or other guys attempting to belittle you. Unless you knew folk already it wasn’t friendly. | |||
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"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely "We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground. We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys. Always works for us. Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs. Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them. I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys. Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello. We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental. For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves. Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not. Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing. Have fun. X | |||
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"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. " Please don't do this. Swinging clubs are nerve wrecking for most people in the first visit regardless of what they look like. Stop belittling his experience because of his height and body type. | |||
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"I think I would have found it hard to remain confident in the face of that kind of behaviour. It's awful that anyone should remark on your body like that. The men who did it are no more than playground bullies and in all likelihood saw you as a threat. None of that will help you though. I'm sorry that your experience was a bad one That’s the issue. I think it’s best I focus on relationships outside of swinging and potentially re-enter the scene with a likeminded partner and focus on couples only events If that would suit you better. I'm still aghast at the body shaming you experienced. People are always saying how welcoming clubs are and accepting of people. That was plain nasty It was horrific. But I guess they saw me as a threat and were desperate to get what they wanted at any cost. I have to say that if a woman had posted similar she would have had white knights galloping to her rescue. " Absolutely! | |||
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"Hi. As a single male I am well aware that my demographic outnumbers all other person demographics by a considerable amount on here and the swinging scene in general. So I entered knowing full well to expect little, and be grateful for what might come along. That said, I recently attended my first swinging club event (which was open to all) mainly to get a feel for it (not intending to have a sexual encounter, though if something came my way then I might have been obliging), and just meet some new people in a social, welcoming, and non threatening atmosphere (or so I hoped). Unfortunately I had quite a traumatic experience. It began ok, I entered the club (which I won't name) and was greeted by a friendly host who took payment and got me a drink. A couple of females entered shortly after who were also new, and were also friendly. Shortly after the host showed us around, and then me and the two girls just sat and talked over a drink, which helped us to settle and feel more relaxed. After a short time we all mingled with the other guests, and I started to feel unwelcome and targeted by a few of the other male guests. I became more and more uncomfortable with what they were saying, but remained as I thought just leaving would mean I didn't get to see if the experience improved. One of the guys was bragging about how many women he has slept with, and said he had probably slept with more than me and the guy next to me combined. Another guy targeted me saying mocking how short my body was compared to my long legs (in front of everyone) and I just smiled and tried to show I was confident in my body (even though I felt awful, embarrassed and ashamed inside). These 3 guys soon entered a private room with the 2 girls I entered the club with, and other male and female couple. Remaining was me, another girl and a probably 4 other guys. The other girl was with her gay friend, and both her and another guy (who didn't know each other) entered a private room. Another guy was begging to join them, and the girl said to him 'if you suck my gay friend of, you can fuck me'. So he started sucking the gay guy off, and the female just went into the private room with the other guy, and the gay guy quickly followed them and they locked the door on the guy who had started to suck of the gay guy. I must say it was quite an experience, and an eye opener for sure. However, I left feeling so shit about my body, and feeling so inadequate by how easy some of the guys got action, and the polar opposite for the rest of us who were made to feel like scum. I am by no means an 'exceptional male', but neither were they. I honestly could cry" Oh, this sounds horrendous. I'm sorry that this was your experience. I hope that you make a friend or 2 here on here, then maybe you can together, just so you don't feel alone. Sending you hugs and I really hope that you feel better soon xx | |||
"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. I’m not the most confident, especially not on a first visit to a swinging club, hence why I was just there to evoke good vibes and get a feel, no more no less. Even if I’d had a terrible body and gave off negative vibes (which I didn’t) there would still be no excuse for that kind of thing. I honestly thought swinging was about body positivity, freedom and respect for each other, but what I found was aggressive competitiveness and pure humiliation " I agree. A body is a body. There are no good or bad ones. They should not require less or more respect depending on appearance. | |||
"confidence is needed and one club vist will not give you that you need more dont give in stop worrying about what other men do or say just be you .. cock blocking is real and every club will have idiots male or female .. I’m a confident guy in general. But if what you’re saying is playing those same games is required then I guess clubs just aren’t the place for me, which is a shame as I imagined that kind of thing was not part of swinging, but it seemed like the normal, which is not great at all. So if I had to play those same games I’d be no better than them. I’m only for good vibes" we have both been at clubs for many years.. 25 for me and I have to say I've not experienced anything like that The woman telling the guy to suck her partners cock.. yes seen that on bi nights but then the guy could have said no.. I've had people Try to put me down in the past but I just rise above it. Sounds like a very bad club experience but not all clubs are like that.. We wouldn't go anywhere else really. | |||
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"Oh boy… where to start 1) don’t let someone trample over you…. I am sure you would not put of with people openly mocking you like that outside of a club, so why let people do that inside of a club No sort of prospective meet or play is worth your dignity You may think they have “home advantage” as such because they have been there before… but at some point you do you!! 2) The other person…. If they are prepared to jump through all sorts of hoops just to get play… that’s a “them” issue Again…. Dignity … not desperation! " 
I started my club life going alone. Its never easy.
Clubs can be full of wonderful, welcoming people. Women, couples and other men. They can also of course (just like any vanilla environment) have their fair share of ego maniacs, dickheads and people with negative attitudes. The important thing to remember is that it's a 'them' problem, not a 'you' problem.
If you find yourself surrounded by negative people then just get up and leave. You owe them nothing. Staying around those that make you unhappy or uncomfortable will not help you. The joy of clubs is that there are usually enough people there to enable you to mingle, find 'your people' and enjoy a good night.
Avoid drama. Avoid dickheads. Avoid those that treat a club night as a competition or an opportunity to flex and try and dominate the situation.
And don't base your view of clubs on one bad experience. No two clubs are the same and I'd even say no two nights at the same club are either.
Look for a club event where there's a group chat involved pre event, get involved, talk to others and make friends before you arrive. It'll make for a much more comfortable start to the night and you'll be better able to avoid the drama llamas.
Don't give up on clubs yet. They're honestly the best way for single guys to network, meet others and develop longer term friendships.
Good luck. | |||
" I have to say that if a woman had posted similar she would have had white knights galloping to her rescue. Absolutely!" With unquestionably pure intentions 
Anyway, OP had female sympathy from the top of the thread... And has great advice from the guys above.
Some groups of men in clubs self police well. Recognise when the banter is going too far (for OP) and tell a dude pestering an uninterested woman (the one with the gay friend) to back off.
But clubs are not about equality of outcome. It's not universally considered sickening for a woman to choose not to have sex with someone.
OP, if you want to try again with an emotional support forumite there was a thread for finding club buddies a couple of weeks back which might help you out.
xx
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"I'm always amused by posts from people saying they went to a club with no expectations and then complain that their expectations weren't met!" I think not having people being vile and making nasty comments is a realistic expectation to be honest. | |||
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"I'm always amused by posts from people saying they went to a club with no expectations and then complain that their expectations weren't met!" I think you are missing the point here. | |||
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Its easy to have sex with lots of women if you have low standards. Alternatively, being pragmatic, there's websites where single men can contract reasonably attractive ladies for 'company' too. As you get older you realise that one way or another you always end up paying for sex. Be it crossing from a professional or buying that new bathroom wallpaper that you despise but your wife likes.
As for that guy who gobbled another bloke...that's his mistake. Though you at least know to avoid the woman who suggested he do that like the plague. | |||
"Its nothing to brag about when someone is saying how many sex partners they've had. Well, maybe back when we we're all teenagers but certainly not into your 30's and 40's. Its just rather sad.
Its easy to have sex with lots of women if you have low standards. Alternatively, being pragmatic, there's websites where single men can contract reasonably attractive ladies for 'company' too. As you get older you realise that one way or another you always end up paying for sex. Be it crossing from a professional or buying that new bathroom wallpaper that you despise but your wife likes.
As for that guy who gobbled another bloke...that's his mistake. Though you at least know to avoid the woman who suggested he do that like the plague."Lots of shocking revelations in this thread but this is by far the worst .... Wallpaper in a bathroom??? Insanity!! Oh and OP, you sound like a great humble respectful guy which is what this should all be about. I've had the same insecurities about going to a club which is why I haven't tried, but have instead found my swinging journey another way. It doesn't have to be about a club to have a lot of fun..... | |||
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"I'm always amused by posts from people saying they went to a club with no expectations and then complain that their expectations weren't met!" Yes, after all he should have gone expecting to be spoken to like crap. OP I’m sorry to hear that. It doesn’t sound like the greatest club. I’d honestly say try somewhere else and also look at somewhere that runs hosted nights. They often have groups chats in the run up where you can get to know people. | |||
"Its nothing to brag about when someone is saying how many sex partners they've had. Well, maybe back when we we're all teenagers but certainly not into your 30's and 40's. Its just rather sad.
Its easy to have sex with lots of women if you have low standards. Alternatively, being pragmatic, there's websites where single men can contract reasonably attractive ladies for 'company' too. As you get older you realise that one way or another you always end up paying for sex. Be it crossing from a professional or buying that new bathroom wallpaper that you despise but your wife likes.
As for that guy who gobbled another bloke...that's his mistake. Though you at least know to avoid the woman who suggested he do that like the plague."Right on the money! Bathroom wallpaper? Noooooooooooo!!!! | |||
" You couldn't know it of course but I'm the woman from this profile "I know you addressed OP, but I can tell you are the woman in the couple. Normally it's not hard to recognise if a man or a woman is the author. | |||
"I'm always amused by posts from people saying they went to a club with no expectations and then complain that their expectations weren't met! I think not having people being vile and making nasty comments is a realistic expectation to be honest." You'd think so wouldn't you! x | |||
"Oh boy… where to start 1) don’t let someone trample over you…. I am sure you would not put of with people openly mocking you like that outside of a club, so why let people do that inside of a club No sort of prospective meet or play is worth your dignity You may think they have “home advantage” as such because they have been there before… but at some point you do you!! 2) The other person…. If they are prepared to jump through all sorts of hoops just to get play… that’s a “them” issue Again…. Dignity … not desperation! " Beautifully put! I concur completely! (Insert applause emoji here). | |||
"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely
We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground.
We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys.
Always works for us.
Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs.
Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them.
I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys.
Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello.
We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental.
For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves.
Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not.
Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing.
Have fun. X
We would absolutely never think we are “above” single men but our experiences tell us it’s better to say (very politely) thanks but no thanks and leave it at that rather than have a chat with single guys.
Our experience is that once you chat, even though you tell them you’re not interested, most of them take that as a sign you like them and will continue to try to chat multiple times that evening to try to get you to change your mind….or worse follow us around every time we see them. And when either of these happen we can’t approach other couples and other couples won’t approach us.
Obviously this is not all men some are 100% fine and respectful but there are so many of them who are not we don’t chat with single guys to avoid this…..unless of course we are looking for a single guy.
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"I'm always amused by posts from people saying they went to a club with no expectations and then complain that their expectations weren't met!" Please quote specifically the bit where I stated my ‘swinging expectations weren’t met’. | |||
"I'm always amused by posts from people saying they went to a club with no expectations and then complain that their expectations weren't met! Please quote specifically the bit where I stated my ‘swinging expectations weren’t met’. " You’re supposed to be happy if they treat you like shit of course
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"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely
We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground.
We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys.
Always works for us.
Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs.
Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them.
I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys.
Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello.
We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental.
For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves.
Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not.
Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing.
Have fun. X
We would absolutely never think we are “above” single men but our experiences tell us it’s better to say (very politely) thanks but no thanks and leave it at that rather than have a chat with single guys.
Our experience is that once you chat, even though you tell them you’re not interested, most of them take that as a sign you like them and will continue to try to chat multiple times that evening to try to get you to change your mind….or worse follow us around every time we see them. And when either of these happen we can’t approach other couples and other couples won’t approach us.
Obviously this is not all men some are 100% fine and respectful but there are so many of them who are not we don’t chat with single guys to avoid this…..unless of course we are looking for a single guy.
".....and therein lies the problem - so many disrespectful pondlife types who can't behave like normal human beings, then causing the good guys who do have dignity to be given the cold shoulder. It's a vicious circle that will never change as clubs will always want single guys money to keep the place solvent, but many won't actually try to resolve the problem as a result, preferring money to a conducive atmosphere. (Chams was always that way, which is why I stopped going). Result of this is continued bad behaviour from some (many), with many a good single fella being punished for it by being made to feel unwelcome. There's absolutely no chance this will ever change. | |||
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"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely
We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground.
We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys.
Always works for us.
Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs.
Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them.
I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys.
Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello.
We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental.
For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves.
Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not.
Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing.
Have fun. X
We would absolutely never think we are “above” single men but our experiences tell us it’s better to say (very politely) thanks but no thanks and leave it at that rather than have a chat with single guys.
Our experience is that once you chat, even though you tell them you’re not interested, most of them take that as a sign you like them and will continue to try to chat multiple times that evening to try to get you to change your mind….or worse follow us around every time we see them. And when either of these happen we can’t approach other couples and other couples won’t approach us.
Obviously this is not all men some are 100% fine and respectful but there are so many of them who are not we don’t chat with single guys to avoid this…..unless of course we are looking for a single guy.
.....and therein lies the problem - so many disrespectful pondlife types who can't behave like normal human beings, then causing the good guys who do have dignity to be given the cold shoulder. It's a vicious circle that will never change as clubs will always want single guys money to keep the place solvent, but many won't actually try to resolve the problem as a result, preferring money to a conducive atmosphere. (Chams was always that way, which is why I stopped going).
Result of this is continued bad behaviour from some (many), with many a good single fella being punished for it by being made to feel unwelcome. There's absolutely no chance this will ever change.
"Do you mean Chams has a lot of groupism , not conducive or very receptive of new people? That’ll put me off , I was planning my first visit in September. | |||
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"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely
We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground.
We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys.
Always works for us.
Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs.
Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them.
I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys.
Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello.
We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental.
For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves.
Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not.
Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing.
Have fun. X
We would absolutely never think we are “above” single men but our experiences tell us it’s better to say (very politely) thanks but no thanks and leave it at that rather than have a chat with single guys.
Our experience is that once you chat, even though you tell them you’re not interested, most of them take that as a sign you like them and will continue to try to chat multiple times that evening to try to get you to change your mind….or worse follow us around every time we see them. And when either of these happen we can’t approach other couples and other couples won’t approach us.
Obviously this is not all men some are 100% fine and respectful but there are so many of them who are not we don’t chat with single guys to avoid this…..unless of course we are looking for a single guy.
.....and therein lies the problem - so many disrespectful pondlife types who can't behave like normal human beings, then causing the good guys who do have dignity to be given the cold shoulder. It's a vicious circle that will never change as clubs will always want single guys money to keep the place solvent, but many won't actually try to resolve the problem as a result, preferring money to a conducive atmosphere. (Chams was always that way, which is why I stopped going).
Result of this is continued bad behaviour from some (many), with many a good single fella being punished for it by being made to feel unwelcome. There's absolutely no chance this will ever change.
Do you mean Chams has a lot of groupism , not conducive or very receptive of new people? That’ll put me off , I was planning my first visit in September."I went to Chams as a single guy for a long time, it was so friendly and welcoming, you should definitely pay a visit and make up your own mind about it. Mr DJ | |||
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"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely
We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground.
We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys.
Always works for us.
Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs.
Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them.
I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys.
Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello.
We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental.
For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves.
Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not.
Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing.
Have fun. X
We would absolutely never think we are “above” single men but our experiences tell us it’s better to say (very politely) thanks but no thanks and leave it at that rather than have a chat with single guys.
Our experience is that once you chat, even though you tell them you’re not interested, most of them take that as a sign you like them and will continue to try to chat multiple times that evening to try to get you to change your mind….or worse follow us around every time we see them. And when either of these happen we can’t approach other couples and other couples won’t approach us.
Obviously this is not all men some are 100% fine and respectful but there are so many of them who are not we don’t chat with single guys to avoid this…..unless of course we are looking for a single guy.
.....and therein lies the problem - so many disrespectful pondlife types who can't behave like normal human beings, then causing the good guys who do have dignity to be given the cold shoulder. It's a vicious circle that will never change as clubs will always want single guys money to keep the place solvent, but many won't actually try to resolve the problem as a result, preferring money to a conducive atmosphere. (Chams was always that way, which is why I stopped going).
Result of this is continued bad behaviour from some (many), with many a good single fella being punished for it by being made to feel unwelcome. There's absolutely no chance this will ever change.
Do you mean Chams has a lot of groupism , not conducive or very receptive of new people? That’ll put me off , I was planning my first visit in September."From personal experience, having been seven or eight times it was the least friendly place I've ever been in terms of being a single guy. It's also the only place I've ever encountered overt hostility. On the flip side of that it's only fair to say I stopped going four years ago as a result, so things may have changed in that time. The only time I ever felt remotely welcome was when I went with a female friend. It would take an awful lot for me to have a positive opinion of the place again. Bar staff were always friendly mind you. | |||
"Sorry to hear about your experience OP, but don’t let that put you off. You come across as more together and mature than the other protagonists. Also, I’ve had a look at your profile and I see nothing wrong at all, you’ve got a lot going for you - certainly a lot more than several knuckle draggers I’ve had the misfortune to encounter in my time x " Brilliant to hear - not too often people go out of their way to find positivity in a single guys profile! Absolute breath of fresh air! x | |||
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"you should of moved away and found more respectable company or sat on your own." Probably have felt better - even alone! Definitely never drop personal standards to suit where you are, or who's around. I know I've missed out by being non-pushy and a 'nice guy', (yes, I've been turned down on that basis) but I think we should all remain our true selves, no matter what. Those who are 'our people' will gravitate to us given time. | |||
"In a situation like that, I tend to treat like for like. If they want to treat me that way, they will get it in return 100 fold." Naaaaahhh - stay classy my friend! Those who sink the lowest will eventually vote themselves out. The negative reputation will stick once it's been noted. | |||
"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely
We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground.
We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys.
Always works for us.
Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs.
Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them.
I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys.
Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello.
We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental.
For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves.
Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not.
Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing.
Have fun. X
We would absolutely never think we are “above” single men but our experiences tell us it’s better to say (very politely) thanks but no thanks and leave it at that rather than have a chat with single guys.
Our experience is that once you chat, even though you tell them you’re not interested, most of them take that as a sign you like them and will continue to try to chat multiple times that evening to try to get you to change your mind….or worse follow us around every time we see them. And when either of these happen we can’t approach other couples and other couples won’t approach us.
Obviously this is not all men some are 100% fine and respectful but there are so many of them who are not we don’t chat with single guys to avoid this…..unless of course we are looking for a single guy.
.....and therein lies the problem - so many disrespectful pondlife types who can't behave like normal human beings, then causing the good guys who do have dignity to be given the cold shoulder. It's a vicious circle that will never change as clubs will always want single guys money to keep the place solvent, but many won't actually try to resolve the problem as a result, preferring money to a conducive atmosphere. (Chams was always that way, which is why I stopped going).
Result of this is continued bad behaviour from some (many), with many a good single fella being punished for it by being made to feel unwelcome. There's absolutely no chance this will ever change.
Do you mean Chams has a lot of groupism , not conducive or very receptive of new people? That’ll put me off , I was planning my first visit in September.
From personal experience, having been seven or eight times it was the least friendly place I've ever been in terms of being a single guy. It's also the only place I've ever encountered overt hostility. On the flip side of that it's only fair to say I stopped going four years ago as a result, so things may have changed in that time. The only time I ever felt remotely welcome was when I went with a female friend. It would take an awful lot for me to have a positive opinion of the place again.
Bar staff were always friendly mind you. "Been to Charms five times. Although I had a decent time on every night, the amount of cliquism was awful. So many people basically go to clubs in the hope of getting some confirmation for their already inflated opinion of themselves. Thank God for normal people who make it worth it. | |||
"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. From the information we have I do t think it’s appropriate to assume the blame lies with OP. It looks like a pretty simple case of bullying. Bullies tend to try and make others feel bad to make them look good. This isn’t OP’s issue. If a guy or guys (pack mentality) needs to shame another guy it’s because he or they have issues. I wouldn’t let this one experience be your only foray into clubs OP because there are genuinely decent (albeit kinky) people around and I’m sure you’d have better luck socializing if you have it another go. " | |||
"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely
We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground.
We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys.
Always works for us.
Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs.
Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them.
I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys.
Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello.
We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental.
For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves.
Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not.
Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing.
Have fun. X
We would absolutely never think we are “above” single men but our experiences tell us it’s better to say (very politely) thanks but no thanks and leave it at that rather than have a chat with single guys.
Our experience is that once you chat, even though you tell them you’re not interested, most of them take that as a sign you like them and will continue to try to chat multiple times that evening to try to get you to change your mind….or worse follow us around every time we see them. And when either of these happen we can’t approach other couples and other couples won’t approach us.
Obviously this is not all men some are 100% fine and respectful but there are so many of them who are not we don’t chat with single guys to avoid this…..unless of course we are looking for a single guy.
.....and therein lies the problem - so many disrespectful pondlife types who can't behave like normal human beings, then causing the good guys who do have dignity to be given the cold shoulder. It's a vicious circle that will never change as clubs will always want single guys money to keep the place solvent, but many won't actually try to resolve the problem as a result, preferring money to a conducive atmosphere. (Chams was always that way, which is why I stopped going).
Result of this is continued bad behaviour from some (many), with many a good single fella being punished for it by being made to feel unwelcome. There's absolutely no chance this will ever change.
Do you mean Chams has a lot of groupism , not conducive or very receptive of new people? That’ll put me off , I was planning my first visit in September.
From personal experience, having been seven or eight times it was the least friendly place I've ever been in terms of being a single guy. It's also the only place I've ever encountered overt hostility. On the flip side of that it's only fair to say I stopped going four years ago as a result, so things may have changed in that time. The only time I ever felt remotely welcome was when I went with a female friend. It would take an awful lot for me to have a positive opinion of the place again.
Bar staff were always friendly mind you.
Been to Charms five times. Although I had a decent time on every night, the amount of cliquism was awful. So many people basically go to clubs in the hope of getting some confirmation for their already inflated opinion of themselves. Thank God for normal people who make it worth it."A hundred per cent! Definitely the place with the most cliques in my experience. Also had my oddest experience there - a d*unken woman from a somewhat older couple approached me not far from the bar while I was chatting to a friend and a couple my friend knew - and despite having never seen her before that moment began berating me for having the temerity to be in the building. Her rant was basically along the lines of '....you single guys don't belong here, don't belong in the swinging world and you should get out.......', while her husband/partner cowered in the background awkwardly. Needless to say I didn't give her the satisfaction in that moment, but I've never returned. | |||
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"Male half here. One thing life has taught me is not to give a shit about what other people think of me. I have no control over other peoples thoughts, so I give not one shit! This has given me the skin of a rhino!! Not all clubs are like this, but you do need to be more emotionally open in a club in environment because of where you are. Try a different club and see how it goes. " Have you been to a club as a single guy? Because I have been as part of a couple and as a single- and it's a very, very different experience | |||
"Male half here. One thing life has taught me is not to give a shit about what other people think of me. I have no control over other peoples thoughts, so I give not one shit! This has given me the skin of a rhino!! Not all clubs are like this, but you do need to be more emotionally open in a club in environment because of where you are. Try a different club and see how it goes. Have you been to a club as a single guy? Because I have been as part of a couple and as a single- and it's a very, very different experience " Thars a great shout! I started swinging life off as part of a couple (we're still great friends). It was massively different coming back as a single guy! Helped in some ways too! | |||
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"If you’re going the club route you’ll need to get better at managing your emotions OP. I don’t mean how you were treated is acceptable, or pleasant, but you can choose how you react to them and how you feel about them. Instead of taking offence and letting it get to you (as justified as that would be) take a mental step back and ask yourself what their game is. They aren’t randomly putting you down they have an objective. Ask yourself what that might be. Things will feel a lot less hurtful once you think that way. The women who were new, but then straight into the action? I’d wonder just how new to the club they were. People act with intention. You can take them at face value or you can assess their motives and act accordingly. You can play your game but you ain’t all that sugar is my usual go to. And move away. Fires need oxygen. Clubs aren’t for everyone. Once I stopped clubbing I found I didn’t miss it. So out of this experience into perspective and put clubs into their proper place - one part of the lifestyle, that’s all it is. " Couldn't agree more, they have behaved the way they did for a reason..... Most likely either thier own insecurity, or to try and make you feel intimidated, Or to boost thier own ego's. Either way, it had the desired effect! Don't let them win! They're the losers if they've got to put others down to make themselves feel better! | |||
"Male half here. One thing life has taught me is not to give a shit about what other people think of me. I have no control over other peoples thoughts, so I give not one shit! This has given me the skin of a rhino!! Not all clubs are like this, but you do need to be more emotionally open in a club in environment because of where you are. Try a different club and see how it goes. Have you been to a club as a single guy? Because I have been as part of a couple and as a single- and it's a very, very different experience " Yeah, that's how I met the Mrs 6 years ago, we were both singles in a club and hit it off, the rest is history. I get it's different as a single guy, but I just stood at the bar and socialised where I could, the more you go to a club the more friends you eventually make, just my take on it. | |||
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"You look good nice body and cock, forget twats and go back and be a bit more dominant. Woman that go to clubs are not looking for a shy guy who lacks confidence.." Confidence and friendliness yes, dominance, no. OP sorry to hear you had such an awful experience. I have been to many clubs over the years, and fortunately not seen anything like this. I hope you decide to give clubs another try. Maybe contact some of the single men on the thread whi have given goid positive responses about other possible venues to try. I haven't looked at where you are based, but the Attic in Derby is a friendly welcoming club. Obviously, I'm not a single guy so can't advise from that perspective. | |||
"You look good nice body and cock, forget twats and go back and be a bit more dominant. Woman that go to clubs are not looking for a shy guy who lacks confidence.. Confidence and friendliness yes, dominance, no. OP sorry to hear you had such an awful experience. I have been to many clubs over the years, and fortunately not seen anything like this. I hope you decide to give clubs another try. Maybe contact some of the single men on the thread whi have given goid positive responses about other possible venues to try. I haven't looked at where you are based, but the Attic in Derby is a friendly welcoming club. Obviously, I'm not a single guy so can't advise from that perspective. " Apologies for intersecting, but what's the new Attic like on a Saturday please? I'm going with friends. Thank you! H x | |||
"confidence is needed and one club vist will not give you that you need more dont give in stop worrying about what other men do or say just be you .. cock blocking is real and every club will have idiots male or female .. I’m a confident guy in general. But if what you’re saying is playing those same games is required then I guess clubs just aren’t the place for me, which is a shame as I imagined that kind of thing was not part of swinging, but it seemed like the normal, which is not great at all. So if I had to play those same games I’d be no better than them. I’m only for good vibes" It’s all about finding the right event/club/group of people for you. We spent a long time persevering with events we didn’t enjoy thinking we were the problem, it turns out we weren’t the issue but the people those events attracted weren’t our people. We have now found an event that we feel fully comfortable to be ourselves at. It will take time and some reassuring yourself to get there. C x | |||
"You should leave a (bad) review for that club to save someone else from a similar experience. If everyone hides the negative experiences, it will be impossible to pick better ones next time." How was it the clubs fault?! This behaviour could have happened in any club. It’s down to the people there and their shitty attitudes. C x | |||
"I'm feeling sad that you had to go through that and be in their presence - I know you knew you could have left but decided to stay. I've never seen or heard of anything similar, in almost 20 years of clubs and swinging. You would be my first choice of acquaintance, compared to any of them. I hope the club didn't take a large membership fee from you! There are some amazingly wonderful people who swing, in contrast with some scum who behaved so atrociously. You generally have the perfect outlook OP. It's just tragic that your first experience was in their presence
Thank you, I appreciate your words of support. The point I’m getting at here is that single men are just as human as everyone else in the scene, and have feelings just the same. And all I ask if is if you can’t be nice, don’t be the opposite because the effects might affect an individual indefinitely
We have noticed some couples in clubs, not so much parties, can be a bit dismissive towards single guys and in some cases quite rude as if somehow, in that environment, couples hold the higher ground.
We can never understand why some couples, even if they don't play with single guys, can't at least be civil and have a chat, stating quite clearly they don't play with single guys.
Always works for us.
Don't get me going about some single girls who attend clubs.
Some are quite lovely, some just complete ball breakers who've brought a sack load of angst with them.
I think we all should consider just how nerve racking entering a club or party can be, for all, even single guys.
Guys, if you see us in a club, on the beach or at a party, please come up to us and say hello.
We may not play with you, but then again who knows, but will be polite, considerate and hopefully good company and non judgemental.
For all those couples out their who somehow consider themselves slightly aloof, get over yourselves.
Just be nice, we all have more in common with each other than not.
Swinging meets can be a great leveller, you meet people from all sorts of life, and the usual social standings are out the window, nobody knows your background, social status or standing, it's so refreshing.
Have fun. X
"We’ve met couples that do play with single guys who still have crappy attitudes towards them! So many think they’re above single men! C x | |||
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"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. " Kind of agree with this. You ant change everyone’s shitty behaviour to suit you but you can change you. | |||
"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. I’m not the most confident, especially not on a first visit to a swinging club, hence why I was just there to evoke good vibes and get a feel, no more no less. Even if I’d had a terrible body and gave off negative vibes (which I didn’t) there would still be no excuse for that kind of thing. I honestly thought swinging was about body positivity, freedom and respect for each other, but what I found was aggressive competitiveness and pure humiliation Correct. What you found is what de facto swinging is. What you expected was more what true naturism is (supposed to be). So swinging for single guys is shitting on each other to get a reward? At least I learned I guess, but definitely not a culture I want to be a part of" No, swinging isn't this. You get complete assholes in all walks of life and you've certainly found some on this occasion! Putting othes down to make yourself feel better is my definition of bullying, and unfortunately, this is what you have experienced. Some males feel that in a male over represented environment that alpha males will come out on top and go into that mode, (if they don't live in it already). This appeals to some, but not to others. It is an instant turn off to some, ourselves included. If we saw the attitude displayed to you in a club, we would probably call the person out and walk away to join others. It wouldn't be something that we would want to be a part of. If we were looking to engage with a single male, we would be looking for someone like yourself. You've had an unfortunate experience in the school of hard knocks, which has taught you a lesson in how shitty some people can be. This is about them, not you. Maybe give it another go, go on a different night with a different emphasis, or try a different club. Good luck. | |||
"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. I’m not the most confident, especially not on a first visit to a swinging club, hence why I was just there to evoke good vibes and get a feel, no more no less. Even if I’d had a terrible body and gave off negative vibes (which I didn’t) there would still be no excuse for that kind of thing. I honestly thought swinging was about body positivity, freedom and respect for each other, but what I found was aggressive competitiveness and pure humiliation Correct. What you found is what de facto swinging is. What you expected was more what true naturism is (supposed to be). So swinging for single guys is shitting on each other to get a reward? At least I learned I guess, but definitely not a culture I want to be a part of No, swinging isn't this. You get complete assholes in all walks of life and you've certainly found some on this occasion! Putting othes down to make yourself feel better is my definition of bullying, and unfortunately, this is what you have experienced. Some males feel that in a male over represented environment that alpha males will come out on top and go into that mode, (if they don't live in it already). This appeals to some, but not to others. It is an instant turn off to some, ourselves included. If we saw the attitude displayed to you in a club, we would probably call the person out and walk away to join others. It wouldn't be something that we would want to be a part of. If we were looking to engage with a single male, we would be looking for someone like yourself. You've had an unfortunate experience in the school of hard knocks, which has taught you a lesson in how shitty some people can be. This is about them, not you. Maybe give it another go, go on a different night with a different emphasis, or try a different club. Good luck." Indeed, bullies can be everywhere. Not only at school. At work, in all private and public places. OP experienced this in a swinging club, but it isn't the club's fault. Exactly the same could happen in his favourite pub. | |||
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"Reading all these just makes me hesitate even more to join a club "I wouldn't let it put you off. It's like anything where feedback and reviews are concerned. You'll generally hear more detailed and vocal reports when things go wrong than when they don't. Thousands go to clubs each weekend. They won't leave a review or specific feedback each time they go, and won't post in the forums every time they have a good night. Culturally us Brits are way more likely to shout about negative incidents than good ones. You'll never know how you feel about clubs until you go. | |||
"Reading all these just makes me hesitate even more to join a club
I wouldn't let it put you off.
It's like anything where feedback and reviews are concerned. You'll generally hear more detailed and vocal reports when things go wrong than when they don't.
Thousands go to clubs each weekend. They won't leave a review or specific feedback each time they go, and won't post in the forums every time they have a good night.
Culturally us Brits are way more likely to shout about negative incidents than good ones.
You'll never know how you feel about clubs until you go. "Totally true - and not just one visit. It'll take half a dozen visits to really know. | |||
 That's one of the big drawbacks of the club scene; you can't choose who will be there when you are....
Some people will fuck anyone, so don't feel down about not getting any play on the night either.
Did any of the hosts check in on you, after they'd taken your entry fee, knowing it was your first time visit? Or were you simply left to fend for yourself in an unknown environment? Don't be scared to name the club, or leave them a less than positive (but honest) review in here. Nothing changes, if a business doesn't know things are wrong...
There are other clubs in the NW, so try another! I'm sure one of the other clubs would love you to recount your experience in this one to them, then do their best to look after you afterwards.... | |||
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" Whether you smoke or not, the smoking area has the best conversations. Just embrace the fresh air. " Fresh air in the smokers area??? You must be joking! I personally avoid that place like a plague, I hate the smell of cigarettes and really don't want to smell like an ashtray afterwards. But for those who don't mind the combined stretch of however many different cigarettes, and some vape thrown in, then yes, you can get some interesting conversations there. | |||
"Hi. As a single male I am well aware that my demographic outnumbers all other person demographics by a considerable amount on here and the swinging scene in general. So I entered knowing full well to expect little, and be grateful for what might come along. That said, I recently attended my first swinging club event (which was open to all) mainly to get a feel for it (not intending to have a sexual encounter, though if something came my way then I might have been obliging), and just meet some new people in a social, welcoming, and non threatening atmosphere (or so I hoped). Unfortunately I had quite a traumatic experience. It began ok, I entered the club (which I won't name) and was greeted by a friendly host who took payment and got me a drink. A couple of females entered shortly after who were also new, and were also friendly. Shortly after the host showed us around, and then me and the two girls just sat and talked over a drink, which helped us to settle and feel more relaxed. After a short time we all mingled with the other guests, and I started to feel unwelcome and targeted by a few of the other male guests. I became more and more uncomfortable with what they were saying, but remained as I thought just leaving would mean I didn't get to see if the experience improved. One of the guys was bragging about how many women he has slept with, and said he had probably slept with more than me and the guy next to me combined. Another guy targeted me saying mocking how short my body was compared to my long legs (in front of everyone) and I just smiled and tried to show I was confident in my body (even though I felt awful, embarrassed and ashamed inside). These 3 guys soon entered a private room with the 2 girls I entered the club with, and other male and female couple. Remaining was me, another girl and a probably 4 other guys. The other girl was with her gay friend, and both her and another guy (who didn't know each other) entered a private room. Another guy was begging to join them, and the girl said to him 'if you suck my gay friend of, you can fuck me'. So he started sucking the gay guy off, and the female just went into the private room with the other guy, and the gay guy quickly followed them and they locked the door on the guy who had started to suck of the gay guy. I must say it was quite an experience, and an eye opener for sure. However, I left feeling so shit about my body, and feeling so inadequate by how easy some of the guys got action, and the polar opposite for the rest of us who were made to feel like scum. I am by no means an 'exceptional male', but neither were they. I honestly could cry" If you wished to feel part of that train wreck I really hope you reconsider what you seem as "winning". That was by far a very lucky situation to have been avoided unless you have other internal conflicts you need to sort before trying a club situation. | |||
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"Hey OP, I’m sorry. This sounds like a shitty experience. If I can offer you something if you try again (and I think you should, preferably in my local clubs, cos you sound canny): Be nice to newbies but focus on the regulars. Ask for an introduction to a single guy who’s a regular at the club and might want to throw some advice your way. Fabio upthread is one of ours. We also have a lovely older chap who talks for England and is the best support anyone can get when nervous. Whether you smoke or not, the smoking area has the best conversations. Just embrace the fresh air. Be more Louis Theroux. Observe the mating behaviour of the Utter Wanker in their natural habitat. I’ll be honest, I’m completely side eyeing those women, cos why would you want someone who makes it clear you’re just going to be another notch? " Great advice!! 👌👌💯 | |||
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"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. " His behaviour doesn’t sound great and he could be just a dickhead ……but a look from his side is….they don’t play with single males and he wanted to make that clear for the reason that a lot of guys don’t listen to this even when told multiple times….yes his behaviour towards you doesn’t sound good but probably based on previous experience with persistent males who struggle to take the hint. When you then continued to chat to her when she came back in lingerie probably felt like you hadn’t taken the hint. Yes you maybe had no intention of asking to play but he doesn’t know that he just saw you continuing to chat after being told they have no interest in single males. And yes I know you were just chatting like any normal person to another but his behaviour is almost certainly due to previous experiences with single males at clubs. Unfortunately single guys get fucked over at clubs sometimes because others can’t behave like normal human beings. | |||
"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. " I'm not saying this is what happened here but quite a lot of women signal to their partner when they want to move away from someone and they don't know how, the partner then knows to step in. | |||
"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. " Oh I have had this one in a club… I just answered it by say that I was interested in playing then I am adult enough to be in a club and I am adult enough to actually ask…… and that me saying hello is just saying hello, and if they read anything more into that that is a “them” issue… I think she was embarrassed and he was stunned someone said something back … I say to any new people who goes to a club that a hello is just a hello and not code for I want to get into your pants! … and because they heard me say that to another couple I ended up taking to… she said sorry and fair play he come over and apologised | |||
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"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. " I’ve had similar from several couples mate, I just accept it as how most couples treat solo guys in clubs. I remember standing at the bar of Club f in Durham. I introduced myself to the couple next to me, and the male put his left arm very firmly on the bar, instantly forming a barrier between myself and his wife, who was standing to his right, but leaning around the front of him to speak to me. I didn’t say anything crude, or unfriendly, was just looking for some polite conversation, as it is really hard work being a solo guy in a club. The hubby never spoke to me, or even looked in my direction, he just stood there, that left arm of his almost welded to the bar….I got the message, even though his wife was keen to chat, and left soon after | |||
"I once took my f fwb to a club and was tricked as we were all supposed to go to the same room but I said I was running to the toilet and when opening the door excited as I could hear her moaning two of the group greated me and pushed me back into the toilet and told me I was going to have to listen to her whilst they used me as their bitch. At first it was absolutely horrible as was a curious anal virgin but ended up loving every minute and every hard stroke x" Personally I feel as if this was not consented I would be so cross for your wife not waiting or even asking where you are. I would be horrified to find that out but the I would of gone looking for my hubby and then they would get nothing. | |||
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"I was thinking about going to a local club at some point soon, but this whole thread kinda puts me off "If its any consolation we've been going to swingers clubs for years and never seen or experienced the bad behaviours as noted on this thread. The only time it's been unpleasant was at non membership spa where some play happens so we've never been back. Stick to decent swingers clubs and you should be fine. The reviews on here may help choose which one. | |||
"I once took my f fwb to a club and was tricked as we were all supposed to go to the same room but I said I was running to the toilet and when opening the door excited as I could hear her moaning two of the group greated me and pushed me back into the toilet and told me I was going to have to listen to her whilst they used me as their bitch. At first it was absolutely horrible as was a curious anal virgin but ended up loving every minute and every hard stroke x" This Is R-pe ???? | |||
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"I once took my f fwb to a club and was tricked as we were all supposed to go to the same room but I said I was running to the toilet and when opening the door excited as I could hear her moaning two of the group greated me and pushed me back into the toilet and told me I was going to have to listen to her whilst they used me as their bitch. At first it was absolutely horrible as was a curious anal virgin but ended up loving every minute and every hard stroke x This Is R-pe ????" Not necessarily real experience . Either a fantasy or purposefully telling the story with a twist. | |||
"I once took my f fwb to a club and was tricked as we were all supposed to go to the same room but I said I was running to the toilet and when opening the door excited as I could hear her moaning two of the group greated me and pushed me back into the toilet and told me I was going to have to listen to her whilst they used me as their bitch. At first it was absolutely horrible as was a curious anal virgin but ended up loving every minute and every hard stroke x This Is R-pe ???? Not necessarily real experience . Either a fantasy or purposefully telling the story with a twist. " Yes you said something similar to the OP when he also posted about his experience..... | |||
"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. I’ve had similar from several couples mate, I just accept it as how most couples treat solo guys in clubs. I remember standing at the bar of Club f in Durham. I introduced myself to the couple next to me, and the male put his left arm very firmly on the bar, instantly forming a barrier between myself and his wife, who was standing to his right, but leaning around the front of him to speak to me. I didn’t say anything crude, or unfriendly, was just looking for some polite conversation, as it is really hard work being a solo guy in a club. The hubby never spoke to me, or even looked in my direction, he just stood there, that left arm of his almost welded to the bar….I got the message, even though his wife was keen to chat, and left soon after "While we absolutely do not condone rude behavior, you have to realise some people prefer to only talk to people they are attracted to and in a swingers club setting any social interaction will eventually lead to "so, do you fancy playing", if either of the couple didn't like the vibes and clearly signalled you were not welcome then count it a blessing as it saves you wasting your time. We have often found being polite and responding to all hellos sends wrong signals to some people and activates the entitlement gene which makes them think, well you are in a swingers club, you said hello to me so surely you want to play with me and therefore it is ok for me to start feeling and touching you up. Guys here need to understand couples dynamics, in most cases you have to get acceptance of both partners, if you are not getting the vibes, it is best to move on. These situations where one partner is getting more attention can be particularly tricky for new couples who have not yet realised they need to discuss boundaries and rules with each other. | |||
"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. I’ve had similar from several couples mate, I just accept it as how most couples treat solo guys in clubs. I remember standing at the bar of Club f in Durham. I introduced myself to the couple next to me, and the male put his left arm very firmly on the bar, instantly forming a barrier between myself and his wife, who was standing to his right, but leaning around the front of him to speak to me. I didn’t say anything crude, or unfriendly, was just looking for some polite conversation, as it is really hard work being a solo guy in a club. The hubby never spoke to me, or even looked in my direction, he just stood there, that left arm of his almost welded to the bar….I got the message, even though his wife was keen to chat, and left soon after
While we absolutely do not condone rude behavior, you have to realise some people prefer to only talk to people they are attracted to and in a swingers club setting any social interaction will eventually lead to "so, do you fancy playing", if either of the couple didn't like the vibes and clearly signalled you were not welcome then count it a blessing as it saves you wasting your time.
We have often found being polite and responding to all hellos sends wrong signals to some people and activates the entitlement gene which makes them think, well you are in a swingers club, you said hello to me so surely you want to play with me and therefore it is ok for me to start feeling and touching you up.
Guys here need to understand couples dynamics, in most cases you have to get acceptance of both partners, if you are not getting the vibes, it is best to move on.
These situations where one partner is getting more attention can be particularly tricky for new couples who have not yet realised they need to discuss boundaries and rules with each other."We tend to agree. Although we are happy to speak to couples and singles alike, sometimes some, most definitely not all, single guys can see a friendly chat as a green light for playing. So couples are caught between a rock and a hard place. We were in the nudist beach at Morfa last week and met some really nice people, both singles and couples but one single guy would not leave us alone. Was this our fault? We did say it was ok when he politely asked if he could sit next to us for a chat but then would not leave us alone. We said things like just having some lunch, going to have a snooze, maybe see you later but to no avail. In the end we had to say, we need to be alone for a bit and he eventually left. His friend who was with him and did leave during this time came back and said did he can talk the back leg off a donkey. Why doesn't he learn to stop? Sometimes, you just can't win. | |||
"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. I’ve had similar from several couples mate, I just accept it as how most couples treat solo guys in clubs. I remember standing at the bar of Club f in Durham. I introduced myself to the couple next to me, and the male put his left arm very firmly on the bar, instantly forming a barrier between myself and his wife, who was standing to his right, but leaning around the front of him to speak to me. I didn’t say anything crude, or unfriendly, was just looking for some polite conversation, as it is really hard work being a solo guy in a club. The hubby never spoke to me, or even looked in my direction, he just stood there, that left arm of his almost welded to the bar….I got the message, even though his wife was keen to chat, and left soon after
While we absolutely do not condone rude behavior, you have to realise some people prefer to only talk to people they are attracted to and in a swingers club setting any social interaction will eventually lead to "so, do you fancy playing", if either of the couple didn't like the vibes and clearly signalled you were not welcome then count it a blessing as it saves you wasting your time.
We have often found being polite and responding to all hellos sends wrong signals to some people and activates the entitlement gene which makes them think, well you are in a swingers club, you said hello to me so surely you want to play with me and therefore it is ok for me to start feeling and touching you up.
Guys here need to understand couples dynamics, in most cases you have to get acceptance of both partners, if you are not getting the vibes, it is best to move on.
These situations where one partner is getting more attention can be particularly tricky for new couples who have not yet realised they need to discuss boundaries and rules with each other.
We tend to agree.
Although we are happy to speak to couples and singles alike, sometimes some, most definitely not all, single guys can see a friendly chat as a green light for playing.
So couples are caught between a rock and a hard place.
We were in the nudist beach at Morfa last week and met some really nice people, both singles and couples but one single guy would not leave us alone.
Was this our fault?
We did say it was ok when he politely asked if he could sit next to us for a chat but then would not leave us alone.
We said things like just having some lunch, going to have a snooze, maybe see you later but to no avail.
In the end we had to say, we need to be alone for a bit and he eventually left.
His friend who was with him and did leave during this time came back and said did he can talk the back leg off a donkey.
Why doesn't he learn to stop?
Sometimes, you just can't win. "I learned; clubs are for couples. I’ll stick with Fab | |||
"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. I’ve had similar from several couples mate, I just accept it as how most couples treat solo guys in clubs. I remember standing at the bar of Club f in Durham. I introduced myself to the couple next to me, and the male put his left arm very firmly on the bar, instantly forming a barrier between myself and his wife, who was standing to his right, but leaning around the front of him to speak to me. I didn’t say anything crude, or unfriendly, was just looking for some polite conversation, as it is really hard work being a solo guy in a club. The hubby never spoke to me, or even looked in my direction, he just stood there, that left arm of his almost welded to the bar….I got the message, even though his wife was keen to chat, and left soon after
While we absolutely do not condone rude behavior, you have to realise some people prefer to only talk to people they are attracted to and in a swingers club setting any social interaction will eventually lead to "so, do you fancy playing", if either of the couple didn't like the vibes and clearly signalled you were not welcome then count it a blessing as it saves you wasting your time.
We have often found being polite and responding to all hellos sends wrong signals to some people and activates the entitlement gene which makes them think, well you are in a swingers club, you said hello to me so surely you want to play with me and therefore it is ok for me to start feeling and touching you up.
Guys here need to understand couples dynamics, in most cases you have to get acceptance of both partners, if you are not getting the vibes, it is best to move on.
These situations where one partner is getting more attention can be particularly tricky for new couples who have not yet realised they need to discuss boundaries and rules with each other.
We tend to agree.
Although we are happy to speak to couples and singles alike, sometimes some, most definitely not all, single guys can see a friendly chat as a green light for playing.
So couples are caught between a rock and a hard place.
We were in the nudist beach at Morfa last week and met some really nice people, both singles and couples but one single guy would not leave us alone.
Was this our fault?
We did say it was ok when he politely asked if he could sit next to us for a chat but then would not leave us alone.
We said things like just having some lunch, going to have a snooze, maybe see you later but to no avail.
In the end we had to say, we need to be alone for a bit and he eventually left.
His friend who was with him and did leave during this time came back and said did he can talk the back leg off a donkey.
Why doesn't he learn to stop?
Sometimes, you just can't win.
I learned; clubs are for couples. I’ll stick with Fab "Not true. As long as everyone understands chats don't mean play, works fine. Sadly. FAB is full of guys and couples who don't even want to meet for a chat never mind to play. Unless you class chatting and playing only happens behind a keyboard. | |||
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"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. I’ve had similar from several couples mate, I just accept it as how most couples treat solo guys in clubs. I remember standing at the bar of Club f in Durham. I introduced myself to the couple next to me, and the male put his left arm very firmly on the bar, instantly forming a barrier between myself and his wife, who was standing to his right, but leaning around the front of him to speak to me. I didn’t say anything crude, or unfriendly, was just looking for some polite conversation, as it is really hard work being a solo guy in a club. The hubby never spoke to me, or even looked in my direction, he just stood there, that left arm of his almost welded to the bar….I got the message, even though his wife was keen to chat, and left soon after
While we absolutely do not condone rude behavior, you have to realise some people prefer to only talk to people they are attracted to and in a swingers club setting any social interaction will eventually lead to "so, do you fancy playing", if either of the couple didn't like the vibes and clearly signalled you were not welcome then count it a blessing as it saves you wasting your time.
We have often found being polite and responding to all hellos sends wrong signals to some people and activates the entitlement gene which makes them think, well you are in a swingers club, you said hello to me so surely you want to play with me and therefore it is ok for me to start feeling and touching you up.
Guys here need to understand couples dynamics, in most cases you have to get acceptance of both partners, if you are not getting the vibes, it is best to move on.
These situations where one partner is getting more attention can be particularly tricky for new couples who have not yet realised they need to discuss boundaries and rules with each other.
We tend to agree.
Although we are happy to speak to couples and singles alike, sometimes some, most definitely not all, single guys can see a friendly chat as a green light for playing.
So couples are caught between a rock and a hard place.
We were in the nudist beach at Morfa last week and met some really nice people, both singles and couples but one single guy would not leave us alone.
Was this our fault?
We did say it was ok when he politely asked if he could sit next to us for a chat but then would not leave us alone.
We said things like just having some lunch, going to have a snooze, maybe see you later but to no avail.
In the end we had to say, we need to be alone for a bit and he eventually left.
His friend who was with him and did leave during this time came back and said did he can talk the back leg off a donkey.
Why doesn't he learn to stop?
Sometimes, you just can't win.
I learned; clubs are for couples. I’ll stick with Fab
Not true.
As long as everyone understands chats don't mean play, works fine.
Sadly. FAB is full of guys and couples who don't even want to meet for a chat never mind to play.
Unless you class chatting and playing only happens behind a keyboard. "Well, I'm revisiting a NW club soon, which I've previously been to 3 times as a solo guy, but this time going as a couple. It will be interesting to compare my experiences... | |||
"Never really had a bad experience but some men can be very defensive. I was talking to a couple in a swinging lounge. Just general chat, nothing sexual. The fella just came out and said,," we don't play with single males". Fricking hell, i didn't even ask to play. His mrs then walked off and came back in just her lingerie. The fella stood right between me and his mrs so I couldn't see her despite me being in mid conversation about something totally ordinary. Had no intention of trying anything at all but he was being a total dick. I think his Mrs was embarrassed by his behaviour. I’ve had similar from several couples mate, I just accept it as how most couples treat solo guys in clubs. I remember standing at the bar of Club f in Durham. I introduced myself to the couple next to me, and the male put his left arm very firmly on the bar, instantly forming a barrier between myself and his wife, who was standing to his right, but leaning around the front of him to speak to me. I didn’t say anything crude, or unfriendly, was just looking for some polite conversation, as it is really hard work being a solo guy in a club. The hubby never spoke to me, or even looked in my direction, he just stood there, that left arm of his almost welded to the bar….I got the message, even though his wife was keen to chat, and left soon after
While we absolutely do not condone rude behavior, you have to realise some people prefer to only talk to people they are attracted to and in a swingers club setting any social interaction will eventually lead to "so, do you fancy playing", if either of the couple didn't like the vibes and clearly signalled you were not welcome then count it a blessing as it saves you wasting your time.
We have often found being polite and responding to all hellos sends wrong signals to some people and activates the entitlement gene which makes them think, well you are in a swingers club, you said hello to me so surely you want to play with me and therefore it is ok for me to start feeling and touching you up.
Guys here need to understand couples dynamics, in most cases you have to get acceptance of both partners, if you are not getting the vibes, it is best to move on.
These situations where one partner is getting more attention can be particularly tricky for new couples who have not yet realised they need to discuss boundaries and rules with each other.
We tend to agree.
Although we are happy to speak to couples and singles alike, sometimes some, most definitely not all, single guys can see a friendly chat as a green light for playing.
So couples are caught between a rock and a hard place.
We were in the nudist beach at Morfa last week and met some really nice people, both singles and couples but one single guy would not leave us alone.
Was this our fault?
We did say it was ok when he politely asked if he could sit next to us for a chat but then would not leave us alone.
We said things like just having some lunch, going to have a snooze, maybe see you later but to no avail.
In the end we had to say, we need to be alone for a bit and he eventually left.
His friend who was with him and did leave during this time came back and said did he can talk the back leg off a donkey.
Why doesn't he learn to stop?
Sometimes, you just can't win.
I learned; clubs are for couples. I’ll stick with Fab "That isn't true, what is true is couples think that clubs are for them! | |||
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"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. " Or the other blokes were complete arseholes! My moneys on that. | |||
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"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. Or the other blokes were complete arseholes! My moneys on that." Aren't the competition always arseholes? | |||
"It's hard to believe what I'm reading ...I won't say you are making it up but , honestly ...You are 6'2", well built, perfect age (not too young, not old) If it's true, it must be your demeanour : lack of confidence and allowing others to step over you. Or the other blokes were complete arseholes! My moneys on that. Aren't the competition always arseholes? " No, far from it. I've met several other straight single guys over time, all of which are people I look forward to catching up with in a club. Some I've met up with outside it too. It should never be a competition. I definitely don't compete with anyone. | |||
"confidence is needed and one club vist will not give you that you need more dont give in stop worrying about what other men do or say just be you .. cock blocking is real and every club will have idiots male or female .. .. Or learn to get excited when insulted. The more they insult, the harder and bigger your cock. Then fuck them all in the arse. 😂 " Haha hilarious. Spot on | |||
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"We where shocked at the way men treat other men in clubs. Acting like they are the big "I am" when they are also standing there with there cock in their hand and hoping for a bite 😂 " Hopefully this amusing example of human nature, featuring primal reproductive urges, is one which incredulous and easily shocked couples can get over! | |||
"Hi. As a single male I am well aware that my demographic outnumbers all other person demographics by a considerable amount on here and the swinging scene in general. So I entered knowing full well to expect little, and be grateful for what might come along. That said, I recently attended my first swinging club event (which was open to all) mainly to get a feel for it (not intending to have a sexual encounter, though if something came my way then I might have been obliging), and just meet some new people in a social, welcoming, and non threatening atmosphere (or so I hoped). Unfortunately I had quite a traumatic experience. It began ok, I entered the club (which I won't name) and was greeted by a friendly host who took payment and got me a drink. A couple of females entered shortly after who were also new, and were also friendly. Shortly after the host showed us around, and then me and the two girls just sat and talked over a drink, which helped us to settle and feel more relaxed. After a short time we all mingled with the other guests, and I started to feel unwelcome and targeted by a few of the other male guests. I became more and more uncomfortable with what they were saying, but remained as I thought just leaving would mean I didn't get to see if the experience improved. One of the guys was bragging about how many women he has slept with, and said he had probably slept with more than me and the guy next to me combined. Another guy targeted me saying mocking how short my body was compared to my long legs (in front of everyone) and I just smiled and tried to show I was confident in my body (even though I felt awful, embarrassed and ashamed inside). These 3 guys soon entered a private room with the 2 girls I entered the club with, and other male and female couple. Remaining was me, another girl and a probably 4 other guys. The other girl was with her gay friend, and both her and another guy (who didn't know each other) entered a private room. Another guy was begging to join them, and the girl said to him 'if you suck my gay friend of, you can fuck me'. So he started sucking the gay guy off, and the female just went into the private room with the other guy, and the gay guy quickly followed them and they locked the door on the guy who had started to suck of the gay guy. I must say it was quite an experience, and an eye opener for sure. However, I left feeling so shit about my body, and feeling so inadequate by how easy some of the guys got action, and the polar opposite for the rest of us who were made to feel like scum. I am by no means an 'exceptional male', but neither were they. I honestly could cry" You start by saying that you went there without any expectations of anything sexual happening and end by saying how inadequate you felt because nothing sexual happened….. A man saying that he’s shagged more women than you and the man next to you combined is just macho, bragging and an attempt to stamp his alpha male dominance…i don’t see how that is traumatic in any way….the body shaming was out of order and i can see how it would be upsetting but is that the first time anyone’s ever taken the piss out of you? You obviously never played any team sports because that kind of thing happens continuously between team mates. The guy sucking a cock and not getting sex is just a bit of fun. They didn’t force the guy to suck the cock and i’m sure he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t want to. To be honest, begging to join someone in a private room is equally out of order, if you ask and they say no then you should accept their decision….begging someone for sex is an attempt to manipulate them and make them feel guilty so that they do something they don’t really want to do. Saying that this was a traumatic experience for you is an insult to anyone who has actually been in a genuinely traumatic situation. You chose to stay there even though you had the choice to leave….i’m sure if you speak to someone who was in an actually traumatic experience and asked them what they would have done if they had the choice to leave the situation they will say they’d leave. | |||
