FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Are looks more important
Are looks more important
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"What do you think you're doing right OP?" don’t know if I’m doing anything right or wrong as I’m new , also was with my partner from 16 years old so never chatted with people in the sexual way or going on dates only been separated 6 months but she was my first and up to now the only one as I was always faithful | |||
"What am I doing wrong or is it I’m just not good looking enough, I personally believe a good heart and personality is more important than looks, but that’s me , I’m just not getting any response so makes me feel like I’m just not good enough " I read your profile. The words is fine however you have typed everything into one paragraph which is hard to read. Break them down and put spaces so who ever read it makes it easier to digest. Photos are not really helping. Head shot are fine but come a cross flat and boring. And one of them looks like you taken it with a potato while on a vibrating plate. Lighting and angles and setting. You dont need to be naked but put alittle effort in looking good. | |||
"What do you think you're doing right OP? don’t know if I’m doing anything right or wrong as I’m new , also was with my partner from 16 years old so never chatted with people in the sexual way or going on dates only been separated 6 months but she was my first and up to now the only one as I was always faithful " So why is your first thought to jump to the looks if you know that you don't know how to communicate well in this medium? | |||
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"One thing I'd advise is to remove the public entity and Sydney University bits from your bio. They mean absolutely diddly shit and do not in any way prevent anything being done with your data that you consented to when signing up for the site. Unfortunately, without that padding it out, you don't really say a huge amount about yourself in the rest of it. I'd advise going into a bit more detail on who you are and what you're after." done thank you | |||
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"Personally someone who had more words on a baseless disclaimer than in their actual bio hasn't put in the effort to interest me OP. And it's a combined effort some people will focus more on looks some on personality. But 10mins of effort can help you present both in a better light " done thank you hope it is slightly better | |||
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"Personally someone who had more words on a baseless disclaimer than in their actual bio hasn't put in the effort to interest me OP. And it's a combined effort some people will focus more on looks some on personality. But 10mins of effort can help you present both in a better light done thank you hope it is slightly better " It's still the same... | |||
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"Hi thanks for taking time to read my profile. I’m recently separated from my wife, we was together from 16 years old, she was my first and up to now the only person I have been with , . .I’m brand new so probably getting things wrong, I’m here looking for new experiences nsf , I like to think I’m honest and respectful, As I’m self employed business owner I do have time on my hands , Willing to travel and meet up for drinks with no expectations, .Always willing to try new things at least once, easy going enjoy having a laugh, not sure what else to include lol How about Hi, thanks for taking time to read my profile. I’m recently separated from my wife, we was together from 16 years old, she was my first and up to now the only person I have been with. I’m brand new so probably getting things wrong, I’m here looking for new experiences nsf , I like to think I’m honest and respectful. As I’m self employed business owner I do have time on my hands , Willing to travel and meet up for drinks with no expectations. Always willing to try new things at least once, easy going enjoy having a laugh, not sure what else to include lol " I am petty and tend to ignore guys who end every sentence with “lol”  | |||
"What do you think you're doing right OP? don’t know if I’m doing anything right or wrong as I’m new , also was with my partner from 16 years old so never chatted with people in the sexual way or going on dates only been separated 6 months but she was my first and up to now the only one as I was always faithful So why is your first thought to jump to the looks if you know that you don't know how to communicate well in this medium?" honestly I don’t believe that I’m attractive, I obviously can communicate with others but have no idea what to put on my bio or what I should be putting in a message, as in what people want to know and what they expect in a first message, | |||
"Your 3rd pic looks very much a younger you?... Which isn't much help to anyone meeting the you of today? " thank you I will update my photos some are from 2019 | |||
"What do you think you're doing right OP? don’t know if I’m doing anything right or wrong as I’m new , also was with my partner from 16 years old so never chatted with people in the sexual way or going on dates only been separated 6 months but she was my first and up to now the only one as I was always faithful So why is your first thought to jump to the looks if you know that you don't know how to communicate well in this medium? honestly I don’t believe that I’m attractive, I obviously can communicate with others but have no idea what to put on my bio or what I should be putting in a message, as in what people want to know and what they expect in a first message, " To be honest, if you lack self confidence and don't know how to interact with women, fab is probably not for you. This place tends to be hard work for most men. You might find non-swinging sites a better option. | |||
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"OP your profile is very negative and you look miserable. People are often more attracted to people who come across as happy and positive. The warning stuff is pointless, so best just get rid of it. Write positively in sentences and paragraphs. Thank you I’ve changed it x Say what you're looking for and what you can offer and look happy. Good luck. " | |||
"What do you think you're doing right OP? don’t know if I’m doing anything right or wrong as I’m new , also was with my partner from 16 years old so never chatted with people in the sexual way or going on dates only been separated 6 months but she was my first and up to now the only one as I was always faithful So why is your first thought to jump to the looks if you know that you don't know how to communicate well in this medium? honestly I don’t believe that I’m attractive, I obviously can communicate with others but have no idea what to put on my bio or what I should be putting in a message, as in what people want to know and what they expect in a first message, " Very rarely, I think, is anyone truly, objectively unattractive. There is pretty much guaranteed to be someone out there looking for someone who looks exactly like you, and if you don't like the way you look, maybe you're just not your own type. In terms of what to put on your bio, it's kind of like a CV. You want people reading it to want to get to know you better, so sell yourself. Tell us who you are and what you're looking for. Your aspirations and talents. Paint a picture of a person you would want to meet if you were reading it. And for messages, I'd pretty much always advise tailoring it to the profile of the person you're messaging; nobody wants a generic form letter. Address things they've said they're looking for, or particular interests they've mentioned that you might share. | |||
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"honestly I don’t believe that I’m attractive, I obviously can communicate with others but have no idea what to put on my bio or what I should be putting in a message, as in what people want to know and what they expect in a first message, " As a general rule, a bio should show who you are, what you want, and what you offer. Messages should be polite, aimed only at people you fit the preferences of and that fit yours, that you're actively interested enough in to have something specific to say to them. Some people want other things, they'll usually say in their profile if so. But that's the baseline. As to attractiveness, not much you can do about it but give an honest representation of yourself and hope it appeals to the people who appeal to you  | |||
"looks do not matter. if you got plenty of money you'll attract the most beautiful women. look at many company ceo's, most are not attactive at all but because they have status and position they usually have an attractive women on the arm. bill gates, what terrible jumpers he wears. but because he is high value his wife signed off on his affairs because he is mega rich. and if you want to see human behaviour at its finest turn up at a social meet in a lamborghini or other type of expensive sports car. you could be bald have bad teeth and be wearing dirty trainers and a tshirt. almost everyone will want to get to know you and the women will all want to be the one in the passenger seat at the end of the night. people can deny it all they want but the fact is if you got money looks dont matter a bit" You clearly haven't had much experience of women. I'm sure these people exist, but I have never been attracted to wealth. In fact I am far more likely to be repulsed by overt displays of wealth. Since this is a swinging site, I doubt wealth is a factor for 99% of members. | |||
"looks do not matter. if you got plenty of money you'll attract the most beautiful women. look at many company ceo's, most are not attactive at all but because they have status and position they usually have an attractive women on the arm. bill gates, what terrible jumpers he wears. but because he is high value his wife signed off on his affairs because he is mega rich. and if you want to see human behaviour at its finest turn up at a social meet in a lamborghini or other type of expensive sports car. you could be bald have bad teeth and be wearing dirty trainers and a tshirt. almost everyone will want to get to know you and the women will all want to be the one in the passenger seat at the end of the night. people can deny it all they want but the fact is if you got money looks dont matter a bit You clearly haven't had much experience of women. I'm sure these people exist, but I have never been attracted to wealth. In fact I am far more likely to be repulsed by overt displays of wealth. Since this is a swinging site, I doubt wealth is a factor for 99% of members." Ignore him, he’s been going off since this morning. Sexually frustrated, I imagine. | |||
"Location too. Not a lot of active members in Scarborough. " Not a lot he can do about Scarborough unless he lies. | |||
"What am I doing wrong or is it I’m just not good looking enough, I personally believe a good heart and personality is more important than looks, but that’s me , I’m just not getting any response so makes me feel like I’m just not good enough " I don’t think you’re a half bad looking guy but your pictures need a bit of work. It takes a bit of practice getting used to being in front of the camera, I know. I had left fab for a few years before I rejoined after leaving my ex husband and my confidence was at rock bottom, and I was nervous on joining back up, so I know how it feels. I got myself some party invites and joined a club, you’ve got to put yourself out there. Parties are a nice way to dip your toe as they usually have group chats beforehand which makes it a bit less daunting to go as you have already gotten a rapport with the other guests. Good luck OP! | |||
"looks do not matter. if you got plenty of money you'll attract the most beautiful women. look at many company ceo's, most are not attactive at all but because they have status and position they usually have an attractive women on the arm. bill gates, what terrible jumpers he wears. but because he is high value his wife signed off on his affairs because he is mega rich. and if you want to see human behaviour at its finest turn up at a social meet in a lamborghini or other type of expensive sports car. you could be bald have bad teeth and be wearing dirty trainers and a tshirt. almost everyone will want to get to know you and the women will all want to be the one in the passenger seat at the end of the night. people can deny it all they want but the fact is if you got money looks dont matter a bit" I think this may be the case in dating but on a swingers site? Men who have that kind of wealth join the other site for swingers. The exclusive high end one. | |||
"Ignore him, he’s been going off since this morning. Sexually frustrated, I imagine. " Honestly. You think he'd have just got himself a second hand lambo by now and be rolling in the pussy | |||
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"Ignore him, he’s been going off since this morning. Sexually frustrated, I imagine. Honestly. You think he'd have just got himself a second hand lambo by now and be rolling in the pussy "think I’m coming across all wrong I’m not and have not said I’m rich or very wealthy , I do have a business so people just presume that, I’m on here looking for new experiences and to try all the things I missed out on always wanted to try swinging but the x was not into it we did discuss it | |||
"Ignore him, he’s been going off since this morning. Sexually frustrated, I imagine. Honestly. You think he'd have just got himself a second hand lambo by now and be rolling in the pussy think I’m coming across all wrong I’m not and have not said I’m rich or very wealthy , I do have a business so people just presume that, I’m on here looking for new experiences and to try all the things I missed out on always wanted to try swinging but the x was not into it we did discuss it
"It's OK OP this wasn't aimed at you | |||
"looks do not matter. if you got plenty of money you'll attract the most beautiful women. look at many company ceo's, most are not attactive at all but because they have status and position they usually have an attractive women on the arm. bill gates, what terrible jumpers he wears. but because he is high value his wife signed off on his affairs because he is mega rich. and if you want to see human behaviour at its finest turn up at a social meet in a lamborghini or other type of expensive sports car. you could be bald have bad teeth and be wearing dirty trainers and a tshirt. almost everyone will want to get to know you and the women will all want to be the one in the passenger seat at the end of the night. people can deny it all they want but the fact is if you got money looks dont matter a bit" Just no. A guy that turned up in a Lamborghini...my first though would be what a dick. But to the op, for me looks are more important. I'm not here for a relationship. | |||
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"What do you think you're doing right OP? don’t know if I’m doing anything right or wrong as I’m new , also was with my partner from 16 years old so never chatted with people in the sexual way or going on dates only been separated 6 months but she was my first and up to now the only one as I was always faithful So why is your first thought to jump to the looks if you know that you don't know how to communicate well in this medium?" I believe most people would think it has something to do with their looks...it's kinda like the default assumption, given that we live in a society that rewards people with adulation and compliments based on their appearance | |||
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"Smile!" This! 
Sxx | |||
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"Ive not read everyone's answers, so apologies if anyone else has already said. As much as this is all daunting, your bio indicates that your perhaps not quite ready. Take out the bits that make you seem vulnerable (ex and this being your first time). Try to inject a little more personality and have a bit of confidence (fake it til you make it if you have to). Also it's good you have face pics. But smile. A torso pic may be a good idea too. Good luck "thank you for your response and advice I will try make the changes | |||
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"It's a common misconception on here that meeting people is about looks! When it's not, it's about attraction and compatability There are plenty of men and women on here who are not 'conveniently' attractive or 'societies idea' of good looking (god I hate those terms) , who do very well on here Not getting a response is nothing to do with looks, there are way more men than women on here so it's impossible for every man to get responses to his messages plus if people don't like how you come across via message they're very unlikely to want to meet you in person x" That latter point is the one I most often wonder about. I can be quite verbose and often end up overexplaining things I think might come across as ambiguous otherwise. Obviously if someone's put off by that they weren't for me anyway because it's not like I can turn my personality off, but at the same time I worry that I've ended up being annoying to read and feel bad for wasting their time. :P | |||
"It's a common misconception on here that meeting people is about looks! When it's not, it's about attraction and compatability There are plenty of men and women on here who are not 'conveniently' attractive or 'societies idea' of good looking (god I hate those terms) , who do very well on here Not getting a response is nothing to do with looks, there are way more men than women on here so it's impossible for every man to get responses to his messages plus if people don't like how you come across via message they're very unlikely to want to meet you in person x That latter point is the one I most often wonder about. I can be quite verbose and often end up overexplaining things I think might come across as ambiguous otherwise. Obviously if someone's put off by that they weren't for me anyway because it's not like I can turn my personality off, but at the same time I worry that I've ended up being annoying to read and feel bad for wasting their time. :P" I'm neuro spicy so can come across as quite blunt So its something I think about alot as well But like you said if people don't want to interact with me cause of that then what I can do? It's their choice at the end of the day | |||
"It's a common misconception on here that meeting people is about looks! When it's not, it's about attraction and compatability There are plenty of men and women on here who are not 'conveniently' attractive or 'societies idea' of good looking (god I hate those terms) , who do very well on here Not getting a response is nothing to do with looks, there are way more men than women on here so it's impossible for every man to get responses to his messages plus if people don't like how you come across via message they're very unlikely to want to meet you in person x That latter point is the one I most often wonder about. I can be quite verbose and often end up overexplaining things I think might come across as ambiguous otherwise. Obviously if someone's put off by that they weren't for me anyway because it's not like I can turn my personality off, but at the same time I worry that I've ended up being annoying to read and feel bad for wasting their time. :P I'm neuro spicy so can come across as quite blunt So its something I think about alot as well But like you said if people don't want to interact with me cause of that then what I can do? It's their choice at the end of the day" Yeah, ADHD is super fun when every thought comes with additional bonus content that Must Be Added™. XD | |||
"looks do not matter. if you got plenty of money you'll attract the most beautiful women. look at many company ceo's, most are not attactive at all but because they have status and position they usually have an attractive women on the arm. bill gates, what terrible jumpers he wears. but because he is high value his wife signed off on his affairs because he is mega rich. and if you want to see human behaviour at its finest turn up at a social meet in a lamborghini or other type of expensive sports car. you could be bald have bad teeth and be wearing dirty trainers and a tshirt. almost everyone will want to get to know you and the women will all want to be the one in the passenger seat at the end of the night. people can deny it all they want but the fact is if you got money looks dont matter a bit" What utter bollocks. | |||
"Hi thanks for taking time to read my profile. I’m recently separated from my wife, we was together from 16 years old, she was my first and up to now the only person I have been with , . .I’m brand new so probably getting things wrong, I’m here looking for new experiences nsf , I like to think I’m honest and respectful, As I’m self employed business owner I do have time on my hands , Willing to travel and meet up for drinks with no expectations, .Always willing to try new things at least once, easy going enjoy having a laugh, not sure what else to include lol How about Hi, thanks for taking time to read my profile. I’m recently separated from my wife, we was together from 16 years old, she was my first and up to now the only person I have been with. I’m brand new so probably getting things wrong, I’m here looking for new experiences nsf , I like to think I’m honest and respectful. As I’m self employed business owner I do have time on my hands , Willing to travel and meet up for drinks with no expectations. Always willing to try new things at least once, easy going enjoy having a laugh, not sure what else to include lol I am petty and tend to ignore guys who end every sentence with “lol” "Same | |||
"looks do not matter. if you got plenty of money you'll attract the most beautiful women. look at many company ceo's, most are not attactive at all but because they have status and position they usually have an attractive women on the arm. bill gates, what terrible jumpers he wears. but because he is high value his wife signed off on his affairs because he is mega rich. and if you want to see human behaviour at its finest turn up at a social meet in a lamborghini or other type of expensive sports car. you could be bald have bad teeth and be wearing dirty trainers and a tshirt. almost everyone will want to get to know you and the women will all want to be the one in the passenger seat at the end of the night. people can deny it all they want but the fact is if you got money looks dont matter a bit You clearly haven't had much experience of women. I'm sure these people exist, but I have never been attracted to wealth. In fact I am far more likely to be repulsed by overt displays of wealth. Since this is a swinging site, I doubt wealth is a factor for 99% of members."  | |||
"looks do not matter. if you got plenty of money you'll attract the most beautiful women. look at many company ceo's, most are not attactive at all but because they have status and position they usually have an attractive women on the arm. bill gates, what terrible jumpers he wears. but because he is high value his wife signed off on his affairs because he is mega rich. and if you want to see human behaviour at its finest turn up at a social meet in a lamborghini or other type of expensive sports car. you could be bald have bad teeth and be wearing dirty trainers and a tshirt. almost everyone will want to get to know you and the women will all want to be the one in the passenger seat at the end of the night. people can deny it all they want but the fact is if you got money looks dont matter a bit You clearly haven't had much experience of women. I'm sure these people exist, but I have never been attracted to wealth. In fact I am far more likely to be repulsed by overt displays of wealth. Since this is a swinging site, I doubt wealth is a factor for 99% of members." I totally agree, wealth has never been a factor for me in choosing who I meet here or in RL. I've got to click with someone and find them attractive, that's about the crux of it. | |||
"What am I doing wrong or is it I’m just not good looking enough, I personally believe a good heart and personality is more important than looks, but that’s me , I’m just not getting any response so makes me feel like I’m just not good enough " You need to be a bit different from all the other single guys on here or indeed anyone on here. What's the thing that most people don't do on this site or other swinging sites? The answer is actually meet in real life where your personality can shine through. You may be one in tens of thousands on this site but you will be one in ten in real meets. Go to as many socials, weekends away, swingers holidays and parties you can find. Be really honest when speaking to people, be open, chatty, smiley and all those other things people respond to. If you find the first social a bit too intimidating, leave a bit earlier and live to fight another day. Don't take any baggage, angst or drama to a meet and never, ever come over as a victim, plenty of those out there. Use the adage, would I like to chat to yourself, if you bore yourself, try a new approach. We've been in the swinging scene for years and this Thursday we are heading out to a social in a pub,our first time to this place, we get really nervous, it's part of the fun. We go up to as many people as possible and say "Hi, we're Liz and Paul" and smile. If you get a response, stay and chat. If not, move on, don't waste your time, remember the old saying "misery loves company"... See your new swinging life as a journey, it's fabulous. The real meet swinging is different to the on line world. Good luck, happy to give advice where helpful. | |||
"What am I doing wrong or is it I’m just not good looking enough, I personally believe a good heart and personality is more important than looks, but that’s me , I’m just not getting any response so makes me feel like I’m just not good enough " It's hard to convey personality on a profile. It takes a long time to get to know a person in real life let alone with short profile on a swinging site. Your profile is simply a means and opportunity to seek and be found. That's all. The best profile you write won't guarantee that anyone would ever show any interest in you. | |||
"What am I doing wrong or is it I’m just not good looking enough, I personally believe a good heart and personality is more important than looks, but that’s me , I’m just not getting any response so makes me feel like I’m just not good enough " It’s a swinging site We meet on athletics we are not here for soul | |||
