FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Are social meets out of fashion
Are social meets out of fashion
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 3 weeks ago
Glasgow |
We generally like to have a social meet before deciding if we want to do a play meet . No fun until the second meet.
We’ve had a few of these previously but these days it seems everyone doesn’t want to do a separate social and instead play on the first meet.
Are we unusual to feel a separate social is less stressful and leads to a better play meet as the ice is broken? |
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Just do Fab your way, never feel pressured in to doing anything you’re not comfortable with 
I prefer to meet for a friendly social in the first instance, to see if everyone is happy, and there’s a connection face to face. I have played on first meets, but I never expect anything, just go with the flow. Has worked well for me over the last 11 years  |
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I always have a separate social meet. I’ve been contacted by some couples who describe themselves as ‘time poor’ owing to childcare requirements/work/whatever, so they only meet to play. Which is completely fine, they’re just not compatible with me. |
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By *rx1Couple 3 weeks ago
Okehampton-ish |
We meet with a view of going with the flow. Always on neutral ground (pub restaurant etc). we would normally spend an hour or so getting to know others.
Only if everyone agrees would a Play on first occasion happen.
We always arrive in smart attire (lady of this house always Stockings and Heels anyway) so if play happens i am ready.
If we meet others and they turn up in tee shirts and jeans, flip flops etc, it would put us off anyway.
Each to their own of course.
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By *rsPricklePantsWoman 3 weeks ago
Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk |
Personally I could never guarantee anything happening on a first meet other than me turning up, even if the person is absolutely gorgeous and get on well online as it doesn't mean anything if I don't feel comfortable with them in person, so I always do social first anyone who expects more will be disappointed simple as that |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 3 weeks ago
Glasgow |
We can’t accommodate either so if other person can’t accommodate too it always made sense to have a social for first meet and a hotel for second meet.
It’s a big risk to book a hotel before you’ve even met the other party. |
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No, I wouldn’t say they are out of fashion. Have had my fair share of them over the years. I think they’re a good way to ascertain if there’s a spark or chemistry between you and the other person/people.
Sometimes that can lead to you playing on the same meet, other times you look to arrange a hook up at a later date if everyone’s feeling each other |
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"We generally like to have a social meet before deciding if we want to do a play meet . No fun until the second meet.
We’ve had a few of these previously but these days it seems everyone doesn’t want to do a separate social and instead play on the first meet.
Are we unusual to feel a separate social is less stressful and leads to a better play meet as the ice is broken? "
In my experience, it always works better with a social meet first.
Sex on first meets are hits and misses...especially with my low libido over age 40. I blame the pandemic...it was the final Millenial misery straw. |
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"We can’t accommodate either so if other person can’t accommodate too it always made sense to have a social for first meet and a hotel for second meet.
It’s a big risk to book a hotel before you’ve even met the other party. "
You could view it as a nice break from the norm together if it doesn't work out with others |
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"Personally I could never guarantee anything happening on a first meet other than me turning up, even if the person is absolutely gorgeous and get on well online as it doesn't mean anything if I don't feel comfortable with them in person, so I always do social first anyone who expects more will be disappointed simple as that "
This exactly |
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Prefer a social first it adds to the excitement - providing I can get one, oh dear that came over pity me (wasn't ment to be) just highlighting the difficulty in actually meeting anyone. Clubs I can find intimidating so don't always work well for me, and yes I have tried.  |
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"We aren’t here for the social aspect. We aren’t anti social but use fab simply for sex so wouldn’t never really do a social."
I think that's fine as long as you are upfront about it.
I'm upfront on my profile about doing the full range of the swinging lifestyle, socials, clubs and hotels.
I find people who only want sex are less upfront and just magically expect that the majority of people will just want to have sex with them straight away...the minute they walk in the door.
Unfortunately given my neurodivergent brain that has never happened in my lifetime. I need to talk to people and warm up to them...even in platonic friendships.
I cringe every time a stranger goes in for a hug when I've just met them.... I get some people are just natural huggers but I'm a natural cactus. 
I don't even know how I'm able to have sex when normally I'm so awkward around physical touch....
More to explore the sexual mysteries of life. |
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Personally, it seems as a single male profile, Social meets seem impossible on a 1on1. Maybe it's just me?? I chat, get along then ask to meet - then ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Group socials - alot have to be requested, vetted then approved first, (seems like the prime/hung/ripped get invited ( looking at reviews/veris left afterwards)
, then leaving the rest if us fodder to the crows. ( again just my experience ).
I like socials as I personally can't just turn up and fuck someone just because they have Vag n Tits, chemistry is important to float the boat lol.
Couples profiles - it definitly is different. Xx |
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When I am meeting it’s purely social first, it gives us both a chance to see if there’s a mutual attraction. It also keeps us both safe but I’m finding less and less guys want this but I just pass them by if that’s the case and wish them well. I’m a firm believer in making fab work for me  |
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"We generally like to have a social meet before deciding if we want to do a play meet . No fun until the second meet.
We’ve had a few of these previously but these days it seems everyone doesn’t want to do a separate social and instead play on the first meet.
Are we unusual to feel a separate social is less stressful and leads to a better play meet as the ice is broken? "
I can’t even get a social meet at the moment, do who knows? |
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I go to clubs, so socialise in the bar area, chat to people in the jacuzzi and sauna. Then usually someone will ask if they want to go to a room, or join in or ask to join in.
I very rarely meet on here, don't have the time for ping pong messaging for months on end. Just go to a club and skip all that out.
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By *oxy jWoman 3 weeks ago
somerset |
the scene has alway had a higher % of couples who dont do socials i know a fair few women too who dont do socials ...its just a choice ... i love socials with women and couples but hate them with guys ...
ive been on the scene long enough to work out whos not going to be compatible socially and i always meet safely so i can walk away easy ... |
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By *izzy.Woman 3 weeks ago
Stoke area |
I always have a social meet first, to check there is some attraction and connection. I enjoy going to clubs, but rarely head off to a room with someone I've only met that evening. I do think it's safer for single people male or female in clubs though. |
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"the scene has alway had a higher % of couples who dont do socials i know a fair few women too who dont do socials ...its just a choice ... i love socials with women and couples but hate them with guys ...
ive been on the scene long enough to work out whos not going to be compatible socially and i always meet safely so i can walk away easy ... "
A perfect example of why guys are overlooked or ignored. Why not specifically a guy??
Please ex0lain why guys are excluded - call it a learning curve or education.... this attitude is all too abundant.. bear or man in woods! |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 3 weeks ago
Glasgow |
"I go to clubs, so socialise in the bar area, chat to people in the jacuzzi and sauna. Then usually someone will ask if they want to go to a room, or join in or ask to join in.
I very rarely meet on here, don't have the time for ping pong messaging for months on end. Just go to a club and skip all that out.
"
We’ve been to one club but we felt we were either too old for the crowd or there were groups who seemed impenetrable as they all knew each other so it was difficult to budge in.
X |
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"I go to clubs, so socialise in the bar area, chat to people in the jacuzzi and sauna. Then usually someone will ask if they want to go to a room, or join in or ask to join in.
I very rarely meet on here, don't have the time for ping pong messaging for months on end. Just go to a club and skip all that out.
We’ve been to one club but we felt we were either too old for the crowd or there were groups who seemed impenetrable as they all knew each other so it was difficult to budge in.
X"
Yup, I used to work in Eurekas, very clicky. Unless you're in with the crowd, you don't get in with the crowd lol.
Seen it 1st hand. Hence I lost my job there as I fell out of the crowd. #justsaying lol |
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I don't think it's out of fashion, I always social 1st same on our couples profile.
I need more than a little texting and fab pics to know if I'm attracted to someone enough to want to sleep with them.
If people don't want to social they ain't my people. |
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"I don't think it's out of fashion, I always social 1st same on our couples profile.
I need more than a little texting and fab pics to know if I'm attracted to someone enough to want to sleep with them.
If people don't want to social they ain't my people."
Exactly....
Internet fairy tales with internet goals fake it till they make it internet code... usually the type that ghost because their keyboard lied |
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They aren't out of fashion, lots of couples still employ that method. It may feel like it's out of fashion because that used to be near enough the exclusive method for couples whereas now many don't.
We have never been a "social only on first encounter" couple. We respect others views and if that's what they want then that's what they should seek and hopefully have; but it's not likely to be with us.
Our view is that for us, swinging offers the excitement and variety of playing the field, if we were people who as singles had never had a one night stand or fucked on a first date then we would maybe operate that way in swinging; but we aren't. So we have never seen any reason for us to hold swingers to a higher expectation than those we would encounter in the vanilla world.
Having everything be open ended at every meet makes each meet far more exciting. Because the outcome isn't limited or impeded. It goes where it goes.
And that's before we get to the issues of being time poor and the realistic acceptance that meeting an individual playmate or couple and getting their (also time poor often) schedules to line up with ours will be months.
If you have already played, and it has gone well, odds are they will make the time for you. If you haven't, odds are they won't. Just our experience. |
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"I go to clubs, so socialise in the bar area, chat to people in the jacuzzi and sauna. Then usually someone will ask if they want to go to a room, or join in or ask to join in.
I very rarely meet on here, don't have the time for ping pong messaging for months on end. Just go to a club and skip all that out.
We’ve been to one club but we felt we were either too old for the crowd or there were groups who seemed impenetrable as they all knew each other so it was difficult to budge in.
X"
Saturday nights at clubs are very clicky. I use to go as a couple, would definitely not go as a single guy to most clubs.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are really good days/nights. Most people are relaxed and friendly. |
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We nearly always social first…maybe with option to play but never expected or planned - if we want to meet and play straight away that’s what clubs are for.
We do know for some though they prefer play on first meet but not us
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By *oxy jWoman 3 weeks ago
somerset |
socials 30 years ago where private parties and one of the very few clubs so social were never really a thing for most we found when dogging was almost dead people started doing social but its deffo the minority ..
its the same as clubs its the minority that use them other wise every town would have one and they would be full and turning folk away ... its why alot of clubs are never full ...
the majority of swinger do it as spur of the moment ... dont forget fab is like clubs a minority of the scene |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 3 weeks ago
Glasgow |
"socials 30 years ago where private parties and one of the very few clubs so social were never really a thing for most we found when dogging was almost dead people started doing social but its deffo the minority ..
its the same as clubs its the minority that use them other wise every town would have one and they would be full and turning folk away ... its why alot of clubs are never full ...
the majority of swinger do it as spur of the moment ... dont forget fab is like clubs a minority of the scene"
If clubs are a minority and Fab is a minority then what do the majority use for meets in the scene. Are we missing something? |
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"socials 30 years ago where private parties and one of the very few clubs so social were never really a thing for most we found when dogging was almost dead people started doing social but its deffo the minority ..
its the same as clubs its the minority that use them other wise every town would have one and they would be full and turning folk away ... its why alot of clubs are never full ...
the majority of swinger do it as spur of the moment ... dont forget fab is like clubs a minority of the scene
If clubs are a minority and Fab is a minority then what do the majority use for meets in the scene. Are we missing something? "
People travel all over the country to visit clubs because they just use fab, as a tool to speak to people they have met while going to clubs and planning meets at clubs.
Clubs will always be the best way to meet people.
If they don't shoe up or cancel. "Oh well plenty more people to chat too" |
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By *oxy jWoman 3 weeks ago
somerset |
"socials 30 years ago where private parties and one of the very few clubs so social were never really a thing for most we found when dogging was almost dead people started doing social but its deffo the minority ..
its the same as clubs its the minority that use them other wise every town would have one and they would be full and turning folk away ... its why alot of clubs are never full ...
the majority of swinger do it as spur of the moment ... dont forget fab is like clubs a minority of the scene
If clubs are a minority and Fab is a minority then what do the majority use for meets in the scene. Are we missing something? "
youve said it the majority on fab but they are not ... take all the men away from fab and its a very small site we know more swingers who dont use the site than those who do ....
as for clubs its so easy to see most clubs are never full add in far more dislike clubs than like then you have a minority if every swing couple went to clubs there would be a hell of a lot more than there are
i like/love fab but for meeting guys only meeting women and couples via fab for me is a complete waste of time i do that privately or vist a club but ive also a little black book of friend couples women and men 90% of my meets come from that ... the longer youve been on the scene the less you need online or clubs and when you think most swinging couples are in that 45 to 60 bracket and been swinging along time they dont need it either..
its not hard to see how hard it is for couples and women on here just see all the post ..
another thing it felt like there were alot more swinging couples back when we started than now bear in mind how many on fab dont swing / meet just use it as social media type thing
these are of course all my opinions other will differ fab is not by a long way the whole scene but still the best online for sure |
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Tend not to meet in a 121 situation any more, socially or otherwise.
Just too many timewaster, dreamers etc.
Too much effort so little return.
Clubs, parties, organised socials, swingers weekends and holidays etc at least you know the people at these places have turned up and made the effort and there is usually lots of likemined people.
Saves wasting everyone's time. |
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"What is this 'meet' thing of which you speak?  "
It's where people stand about 1m away from each other, open their mouths and things called words dribble out, apparently a few of these words when joined up create a thing called a sentence, whatever that is.
If you find this close contact too stressful, turn away, get mobile out and text them adding a photo of your foot, mouth or comedy vegetable.
Practice, practice, practice and soon enough you'll crack it, once cracked there is no return and a new world of meets will unfold before your eyes.
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"Tend not to meet in a 121 situation any more, socially or otherwise.
Just too many timewaster, dreamers etc.
Too much effort so little return.
Clubs, parties, organised socials, swingers weekends and holidays etc at least you know the people at these places have turned up and made the effort and there is usually lots of likemined people.
Saves wasting everyone's time."
100% correct |
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By *JandCMCouple 3 weeks ago
cardiff |
Never had a social meet, nearest we have had is when I (kj) meet up with the person just before we get down to it n that is only because I won't give out our address to a new person as there are so many people who don't show up. |
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As a single woman I wouldn't want to just simply turn up at someone I'd never mets house or a hotel etc for sex, whether thay be a lone male, couple.or lone female.
I value my safety, and always insist on a social meet before any type of play.
I also wish to make sure thay whomever I'm meeting is comfortable also.
Xxx |
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Safety’s a major thing, which I think a lot of couples don’t need to consider, as there’s perceived safety in numbers - but there’s no way I’m going to a hotel I’ve not booked, or someone’s house, without a social first. |
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Do whatever you think is best and don’t change what you want for anyone
For me, socials are pointless.
I don’t think it benefits safety in any way.
And I have friends outside of fab so don’t have the time to spend with people on here.
If it makes you feel more comfortable then that’s exactly what you should do! X
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"Do whatever you think is best and don’t change what you want for anyone
For me, socials are pointless.
I don’t think it benefits safety in any way.
And I have friends outside of fab so don’t have the time to spend with people on here.
If it makes you feel more comfortable then that’s exactly what you should do! X
"
For the record, I value my safety and therefore meet at clubs.
I don’t go to hotels or houses with people I don’t know
I don’t think having a social makes anything more safe on sites like this.
Well done for not murdering me in the pub/ cafe/ bar, see you tomorrow are your house/hotel room where I think I’ll be ok…. Nope haha x |
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"We generally like to have a social meet before deciding if we want to do a play meet . No fun until the second meet.
We’ve had a few of these previously but these days it seems everyone doesn’t want to do a separate social and instead play on the first meet.
Are we unusual to feel a separate social is less stressful and leads to a better play meet as the ice is broken? "
No. They're definitely not out of fashion.
I met a lovely lady only yesterday for a social in Tynemouth and further plans are afoot.
We were both very fashionable in that there village. |
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"Do whatever you think is best and don’t change what you want for anyone
For me, socials are pointless.
I don’t think it benefits safety in any way.
And I have friends outside of fab so don’t have the time to spend with people on here.
If it makes you feel more comfortable then that’s exactly what you should do! X
For the record, I value my safety and therefore meet at clubs.
I don’t go to hotels or houses with people I don’t know
I don’t think having a social makes anything more safe on sites like this.
Well done for not murdering me in the pub/ cafe/ bar, see you tomorrow are your house/hotel room where I think I’ll be ok…. Nope haha x"
Yeah, I learnt the hard way - had a social in a public space place, twice, and ended up getting s’y assaulted at the subsequent private meet. Not a laughing matter. |
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I think it's all about what the individual/couple are looking for. Some people enjoy the excitement of a fuck and go, some dont have time for a social ...
My preference is a social. For safety and to make sure there is a connection. Also, as a single girl, I enjoy the whole experience because I don't have a partner to do it with normally. I like to go out for the evening, have a drink/some food and a good flirt. I've had some amazing nights out with some absolutely lovely guys on here. I think as long as you know what you want, you just need to find the people who are similar.
I also enjoy the clubs. I've found they are the easiest and safest way to meet people. |
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"Do whatever you think is best and don’t change what you want for anyone
For me, socials are pointless.
I don’t think it benefits safety in any way.
And I have friends outside of fab so don’t have the time to spend with people on here.
If it makes you feel more comfortable then that’s exactly what you should do! X
For the record, I value my safety and therefore meet at clubs.
I don’t go to hotels or houses with people I don’t know
I don’t think having a social makes anything more safe on sites like this.
Well done for not murdering me in the pub/ cafe/ bar, see you tomorrow are your house/hotel room where I think I’ll be ok…. Nope haha x
Yeah, I learnt the hard way - had a social in a public space place, twice, and ended up getting s’y assaulted at the subsequent private meet. Not a laughing matter. "
Gosh so sorry that happened to you!
But absolutely, it makes me nervous how much better people feel after a social but anyone can be be anyone for a few hours on public.
So scary! |
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We think a social meet should happen first and if everyone is happy and getting along then the next step flows along nicely if not it breaks the evening up and gets everyone out for a few hours come wind ,rain or shine |
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"
Too much effort so little return."
This sums up my experiences of the club scene, as a solo guy, perfectly. My last club visit a classic example; two solo ladies in, and three couples. Just the one female half of one of the couples caught my eye, and of course, she wasn’t playing that night. Fortunately for me though, the night wasn’t a complete waste, as a friend messaged to say if the club didn’t work out for me, I could drop in on her on my way home. So…….
Last week I met three ladies; Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. All of whom are regular friends, all of whom I initially met for friendly social meets in coffee houses.
My carbon footprint was low for these meets, and I was treated as an equal. Far less effort and expense, far more return….. |
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I’ve had mixed experiences with spontaneous meets (from utterly amazing to scary and awful).
I still like the fun of spontaneity but sensibly like to meet socially in public first… though that has tuned into a takeaway coffee (that ended up being left by the bedside) on more than one occasion. |
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For us , it's always a social first
Even if that sometimes turns into a fab night , which has happened , but we usually aim for a date in the diary
We appreciate that time is scarce and if we have that feeling from conversations , ie , we don't get out often , work , kids , baby sitters etc , we might factor in some extra time , just in case
But no social first ?
Does that mean people are just knocking on the house door of someone they don't know , and just walking in and start getting it on ? |
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I’ve enjoyed a few nice socials lately. Some have lead to future play some haven’t but that’s fine by me. Rather establish mutual connection etc before the clothes off point and nothing lost sharing tales over a drink |
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I love a social! Honestly some have been really crap and others a great way to get to know someone new.
Some have had an option to carry on to play, sometimes it’s just a good way to make sure I want to make other plans with them.
I have never come away from a social and not at least shared a kiss to go on to see them again.
Recently I have had an amazing fab experience and meeting new people that just ‘hit’ that spot both intellectually and sexually. |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Glasgow |
We have pretty much enjoyed most socials. Even if it goes no further you get some really interesting stories and insights from people. Usually a very positive experience and makes any second meeting less awkward. |
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By *z20Man 2 weeks ago
Swindon |
I love socials, I need at least some connection with people if I’m going to meet them for extracurricular activities, even if it’s just some sexy banter.
I can’t think of anything worse than meeting to do the deed and the atmosphere is completely dead… |
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