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Dovorce help ?
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How much can you afford to pay?
Even if anyone is willing to assist, it's doubtful that they will do so for free.
Best to just search online for advice and choose a local solicitor if you need one. |
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"I take it you are currently no longer poly "
Has the green arrows busted you OP ?
Assuming you feel the need for a divorce I’d offer you a salient piece of advice I’d wished I’d taken……take the emotion out of it, you’re negotiating a full and final exit, do so like it’s business, otherwise you’ll end up drowning and not knowing which way is up!!
Divorce professionals aren’t a cheap date, strap in for the ride if you choose to use one. |
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This! Do not get emotional, do not get into petty arguements over who owns what. Its only stuff and it can be replaced.
Family and close friends mean well but their advice is clouded and not always helpful.
Try and see if it can be sorted between yourselves if possible.
Once you go down the rabbit hole of solicitors letters every week of he said she said you are in for a world of hurt and a huge bill
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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Other piece of advice ... if kids are involved don't make them piggy in the middle. Work together to sort out the terms as others have said business like and emotiona has no place in divorce negation.
No one wins... its just a sad thing you get through. |
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My advice, think very carefully how much more you love lawyers than your ex. Speaking personally, I would rather be over generous to somebody I once loved than give a large proportion to legal professionals. The difference between your ex and the legal profession? Lawyers will still screw you every which way. |
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What's more important to you, your life and well being or property and possessions,I know it's more difficult if children are involved, I was lucky my children had flown the nest, we sorted it with solicitors only involved for the final stages, I walked away, left her the house and everything in it. |
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"Going though one at the moment
My solicitor is £400 an hour
Shocking "
I worked in the legal industry but I'm not a lawyer...
The only reason you should be paying a solicitor that much should be because you are a high net-worth individual.
The average person does not have that kind of money lying around and it would not give you a better outcome. Judges do not care. |
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"You don't need a solicitor until you come to doing your financial clean break. So wait till then.
Your divorce can just be done online yourself via the gov website. "
Exactly as someone who worked in the legal industry. |
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"You don't need a solicitor until you come to doing your financial clean break. So wait till then.
Your divorce can just be done online yourself via the gov website. "
I did this, downloaded and filled in paperwork myself, set up appointment with court to get paperwork signed then wait for divorce papers, cost me nothing (he paid fees). Really easy if you don’t have children and have divided property between yourselves already. |
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"I take it you are currently no longer poly
No, her feelings for the other guy took over"
She wants the divorce or you want the divorce or is it mutual? she wants to say off into the sunset with this other guy? ( rarely happens)
I mean you can be poly and married and not have sex with each other....for the kids and the life you built together.
Don't rush the divorce and do not pay a lawyer a lot of money.
Get a psychology book on divorce and a family law book about divorce and it will save you some money and sanity. |
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"You don't need a solicitor until you come to doing your financial clean break. So wait till then.
Your divorce can just be done online yourself via the gov website.
I did this, downloaded and filled in paperwork myself, set up appointment with court to get paperwork signed then wait for divorce papers, cost me nothing (he paid fees). Really easy if you don’t have children and have divided property between yourselves already. "
Best way but some people who have been together for 20 years struggle to let go.
when it's mutual is ok but when one partner is holding back....it's awful. |
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"represent yaself, you can tell the judge the truth, a solicitor can only tell what he's been told.
Any court case is purely about convincing the judge"
Many men view judges as biased against men.
But I'm like if you allow your wife to stay home to raise children for 20 years, you make her a dependant for the next 20 years even if you divorce.
If you didn't have a stay-at-home wife, you would have to pay an egg donor, a surrogate, a nanny, a cook, a cleaner, a project manager, a housekeeper, a personal assistant and a sex worker.
That's what single men with no women have to do if they want children. Few have done it. Two celebrity men who have done it are Ricky Martin and Cristiano Ronaldo. They had the children first and the life partner.
to be fair a lot of us ( me) go into marriage with no conflict resolution skills. |
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Depends if in England or Scotland or others parts of the UK where you were married and currently live....
Depends on children ages and arrangements...
Depends on property assets and pensions
Depends on how long married and physically separated
Depends if you know their location contact details
It's straight forward with less of the above dependencies
Former paralegal... bailiff..private Investigator |
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By *host63Man 30 weeks ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"represent yaself, you can tell the judge the truth, a solicitor can only tell what he's been told.
Any court case is purely about convincing the judge
Many men view judges as biased against men.
But I'm like if you allow your wife to stay home to raise children for 20 years, you make her a dependant for the next 20 years even if you divorce.
If you didn't have a stay-at-home wife, you would have to pay an egg donor, a surrogate, a nanny, a cook, a cleaner, a project manager, a housekeeper, a personal assistant and a sex worker.
That's what single men with no women have to do if they want children. Few have done it. Two celebrity men who have done it are Ricky Martin and Cristiano Ronaldo. They had the children first and the life partner.
to be fair a lot of us ( me) go into marriage with no conflict resolution skills."
Too many women view marriage as a retirement fund. Seen too many men ruined financially and emotionally to see it as a viable option |
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By (user no longer on site) 30 weeks ago
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"You don't need a solicitor until you come to doing your financial clean break. So wait till then.
Your divorce can just be done online yourself via the gov website. "
I did mine in tandem .... the divorce and financial break all filled on via online website .... only the financial break was confirmed by a lawyer.
We split the bill 50/50 and didn't need a lawyer each as we agreed the financial split ourselves. |
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"My advice, think very carefully how much more you love lawyers than your ex. Speaking personally, I would rather be over generous to somebody I once loved than give a large proportion to legal professionals. The difference between your ex and the legal profession? Lawyers will still screw you every which way."
This and the total reason I took nothing from my settlement other than my business - house etc went to my ex. Engage lawyers and neither of us would have had anything. |
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By (user no longer on site) 29 weeks ago
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It sucks I can tell you that. Ping pinging back and fore and when there’s kids involved it’s fucking horrible.
Solicitor is needed to divvy up debts/assets in my opinion - not cheap though  |
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"Any divorce lawyers here ? "
If you've got kids don't use solicitors. They'll rinse you for all they can. There's a charity called Families Need Fathers who'll do everything for you a solicitor will but only cost you hundreds as opposed to thousands. Check them out |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 28 weeks ago
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"Any divorce lawyers here ? "
Ok heres what i need help/advice with,i'm talking right now taking place daily advice as we are not even at the divorce stage yet.
My wife & I have agreed to seperate but we have to continue living together for the forseable future until we get to the Divorce. My question is financial.
the house and all bills are in my name and i have always payed them and the mortage out of my wage i know when it comes to divorce that means fuck all but at this present time if we are now no longer together are we now like house sharing, so should she now pay half of everything ???
Am i right or wrong ? |
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"Any divorce lawyers here ?
Ok heres what i need help/advice with,i'm talking right now taking place daily advice as we are not even at the divorce stage yet.
My wife & I have agreed to seperate but we have to continue living together for the forseable future until we get to the Divorce. My question is financial.
the house and all bills are in my name and i have always payed them and the mortage out of my wage i know when it comes to divorce that means fuck all but at this present time if we are now no longer together are we now like house sharing, so should she now pay half of everything ???
Am i right or wrong ? "
I think that if the mortgage is in your name it’s down to you to pay it, technically you’re still married re house sharing comment.
she has home rights to live there as well
Obviously this is only my belief so double and triple check.
Did she not contribute to the outgoings when you were both happy ? Can’t she just continue to pay what she paid and both try to be amicable (not easy but easier in the long run) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 28 weeks ago
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No she has never worked so never financially helped but obviously when you are married and a couple that dosent matter but now we have split and are going to be living seperate lives surely she cant live here for nothing ???? |
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By *elkieWoman 28 weeks ago
Durham |
"No she has never worked so never financially helped but obviously when you are married and a couple that dosent matter but now we have split and are going to be living seperate lives surely she cant live here for nothing ????"
She can’t pay you money she doesn’t have. All the reasons for her not working before have not changed.
In your shoes, I would give yourselves a clean break. The bare minimum is writing her a letter evicting her with a decent notice period that she can take to the council asking for help.
BUT: bearing in mind the fact that you loved her, maybe still love her, that she has given you a lot over the years together: I would offer her the deposit to rent a home of her own, with space for any kids you have, and a months income in her bank account whilst she waits for universal credit to come in and build a new life for herself. You absolutely should not have to do this, you should not be in this situation, but that is the fastest way of getting the two of you separate as soon as possible: and document this so the court can see it when you’re negotiating financial settlements. This will start your new life faster and take a lot of the things you can argue about away. Based on my experiences of divorce, this is what I’d try to do in your shoes.
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Going through the same here.
Wife only worked around 1 year of the marriage. She got very ill after first child born, so couldn't go back to work or look after herself, let alone child. I had to be carer, husband and father while working a flexible hours WFH job.
Several years of expensive private medical bills and nursery costs, and she recovered enough for us to have a second child once the first had gone to school.
Same scenario again (with different illness this time), and she's almost recovered again, with the second starting school - but now she wants a divorce.
Queue lots of nonsense claims against me that needed the social workers to get involved (thankfully common sense prevailed, and they found nothing), along with lots of fraudulent benefit claims being made to bolster up her finances pre-divorce.
I've just finished my form-E declarations, and it looks like I'm going to have to give her pretty much all the inheritance I got from the death of my mother, and grandparents.
It's a horrible, horrible process and you have my sympathy. |
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Before you even get to court, you had best sort this out amicably as if... you've made no effort, a judge will send you back to sort it. And then, if you've not sought counciling, sorted out your finances, kids and their futures, I promise you it won't go well and you'll be bloody lucky to see a judge this side of the century!
Sort it yourselves if your so desperate to break up. And can either of you afford your bills alone? Don't be paying anyones bills till you sort yourself out first or a court orders you to. |
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"Going through the same here.
Wife only worked around 1 year of the marriage. She got very ill after first child born, so couldn't go back to work or look after herself, let alone child. I had to be carer, husband and father while working a flexible hours WFH job.
Several years of expensive private medical bills and nursery costs, and she recovered enough for us to have a second child once the first had gone to school.
Same scenario again (with different illness this time), and she's almost recovered again, with the second starting school - but now she wants a divorce.
Queue lots of nonsense claims against me that needed the social workers to get involved (thankfully common sense prevailed, and they found nothing), along with lots of fraudulent benefit claims being made to bolster up her finances pre-divorce.
I've just finished my form-E declarations, and it looks like I'm going to have to give her pretty much all the inheritance I got from the death of my mother, and grandparents.
It's a horrible, horrible process and you have my sympathy."
Without knowing your circumstances, I wouldn’t impose my opinion upon you; safe to say, don’t let the money tie you down or direct you to make poor decisions.
Give her the inheritance if that’s what it takes for your well being and peace of mind; you can always earn more and can’t take it with you.
Concentrate all of your efforts on your children, they’ll thank you for it in time and see through any lies they’re forced fed; my own experience taught me well believe me.
I was bitter for a long time post my divorce and it’s fiscal impact, many years later I’ve recovered emotionally and financially, she still batshit crazy, is three divorces down and I’ve heard on the vine she’s engaged to her next victim.
Move on with your life brother and stay strong. |
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"No she has never worked so never financially helped but obviously when you are married and a couple that dosent matter but now we have split and are going to be living seperate lives surely she cant live here for nothing ????"
I believe she can but that’s only my understanding, |
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