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Clubs vs House Parties
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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Bit of advice needed.
Obviously we all know that clubs you are free to do whatever you feel comfortable doing playing, social etc but does going to a house party basically imply your going to play or can you go just for a social visit to chat etc. Thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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Ah rite. We thought that because it maybe someone's house etc there probably expecting us to play with them.
Thought it was different rules between clubs and private Parties. Thanks
"Same as clubs.
The etiquette doesn't change, you're still entitled to say no and just go and enjoy the night socially.
"
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"Ah rite. We thought that because it maybe someone's house etc there probably expecting us to play with them.
Thought it was different rules between clubs and private Parties. Thanks
Same as clubs.
The etiquette doesn't change, you're still entitled to say no and just go and enjoy the night socially.
"
Anyone expecting anyone else to play is probably not the type of person/people you'd want to be around tbh. Noone is entitled to anyone else's body, if you don't want to play, use it as a group social experience instead.
Noone can guarantee they'll be attracted or sexually compatible to anyone else in clubs/parties etc. It's just a bonus if you are and they're interested. |
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By *hloe_TTV/TS 46 weeks ago
Nottingham |
I wouldn't feel comfortable at a house party yet. Think thats like a "level up" moment. If its a big party then it might have the same feel as a club but id imagine smaller groups to be pretty full on? Not that, that's a bad thing. Just something you have to make sure you're comfortable with before you go.  |
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This is a bit more nuanced that some of the comments above would suggest as house party is broad term covering lots of different scenarios and you need to talk to the hosts to get a feel for what they are planning.
At one extreme there are house parties of say 50 people which are very much like a small club - lots of social interaction, some people play, some don't. Often play is upstairs so you don't even have to see other playing or naked if you don't wish to.
At the other extreme somebody might invite say 10 people over with the strong expectation that everyone is going to play. Of course nobody has to play but you might feel awkward if not. The best hosts and guests for these types of things know eachother already.
And of course everything in between. I've hosted for around 20 a few times. Always make clear that it is primarily a "play party" - nobody is forced but if you think it unlikely you will play then best not to come. Usually invite people I know who will play with others on first meeting. Everytime most people just get stuck in and have lots of fun but 2-3 don't want, feel uncomfortable and just leave.
So no straighforward answer (other than of course nobody is ever obliged to do anything) and need to get a feel for each event from host and past attendees if something regular.
When it works it is fantastic and personally much prefer the atmosphere to a club. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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Ah we see.
We thought that house / private Parties anyone turns up like as you mention a small club.
We didn't know that it's already well established friends / groups who get together.
Think going to clubs for a little longer might be the right direction for us then. Thanks.
"This is a bit more nuanced that some of the comments above would suggest as house party is broad term covering lots of different scenarios and you need to talk to the hosts to get a feel for what they are planning.
At one extreme there are house parties of say 50 people which are very much like a small club - lots of social interaction, some people play, some don't. Often play is upstairs so you don't even have to see other playing or naked if you don't wish to.
At the other extreme somebody might invite say 10 people over with the strong expectation that everyone is going to play. Of course nobody has to play but you might feel awkward if not. The best hosts and guests for these types of things know eachother already.
And of course everything in between. I've hosted for around 20 a few times. Always make clear that it is primarily a "play party" - nobody is forced but if you think it unlikely you will play then best not to come. Usually invite people I know who will play with others on first meeting. Everytime most people just get stuck in and have lots of fun but 2-3 don't want, feel uncomfortable and just leave.
So no straighforward answer (other than of course nobody is ever obliged to do anything) and need to get a feel for each event from host and past attendees if something regular.
When it works it is fantastic and personally much prefer the atmosphere to a club."
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We found clubs easier as theres more people and more space.
That said the parties we have attended have been good and we have always had fun even if its just on a social level.
We never have any expectations or plans whatever we do we just go with the flow, see what happens. think that helps big time. |
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"Ah we see.
We thought that house / private Parties anyone turns up like as you mention a small club.
We didn't know that it's already well established friends / groups who get together.
Think going to clubs for a little longer might be the right direction for us then. Thanks.
"
That is not what I said so please don't rule out parties based on my comment. Some are big and open to all and not just well-established friends. Some are mainly friends and smaller and everything in between. There is no single answer but generally the big ones advertised here will be open to all and more social.
By way of example I've to one with maybe 40 people and after several hours almost nobody played. It was just social apart from the odd 3 or 4 disappearing behind closed doors. I've heard of another big one where doors are closed at 9pm, the hosts announce time to get dress down/get naked and play and if not then leave. It really doesn't make sense to generalise too about "house parties" as vary so much.
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We are interested in the answers to this question as well. To be honest we are feeling more drawn to Private Parties now as we have lost our fav 3 Clubs near by since Covid.
We like the idea of Parties being less about socialising, but also still being able to say no if we don’t fancy anyone. Sounds much more fun  |
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"This is a bit more nuanced that some of the comments above would suggest as house party is broad term covering lots of different scenarios and you need to talk to the hosts to get a feel for what they are planning.
At one extreme there are house parties of say 50 people which are very much like a small club - lots of social interaction, some people play, some don't. Often play is upstairs so you don't even have to see other playing or naked if you don't wish to.
At the other extreme somebody might invite say 10 people over with the strong expectation that everyone is going to play. Of course nobody has to play but you might feel awkward if not. The best hosts and guests for these types of things know eachother already.
And of course everything in between. I've hosted for around 20 a few times. Always make clear that it is primarily a "play party" - nobody is forced but if you think it unlikely you will play then best not to come. Usually invite people I know who will play with others on first meeting. Everytime most people just get stuck in and have lots of fun but 2-3 don't want, feel uncomfortable and just leave.
So no straighforward answer (other than of course nobody is ever obliged to do anything) and need to get a feel for each event from host and past attendees if something regular.
When it works it is fantastic and personally much prefer the atmosphere to a club."
I think this is the best advice out there.....
Of course you don't have to play .... and sometimes if you're not feeling it or not the right matches why would you.
But also why would ppl aim to go to a private party just for the social. In my experience ppl who don't play tend to be for a specific reason for the night (just as the woman's period came but maybe the man still play?!! Who knows )
Attending private house parties have been some of the best experiences we have had and made us stronger in our swing relationship with each other. We've also had a lot of filthy and social times!
Dont give up on clubs ... I know I DMd as we're local. We're more than happy to help buddy up as sometimes there's strength and confidence in numbers. We generally add what events we're at in a meet... 
K
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 46 weeks ago
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Haha.
Thought that private parties are obviously a lot smaller and more intimate it a good way to initiate a conversation with people but looks like there's only one thing on people's minds instead of chatting.
"I went to a party once and they were so old looking it looked like the filming of Cocoon ...Stayed a while for the banter though "
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"We probably should have put in the subject Private Parties Vs Clubs. As others have said there is no obligation to play but if you do not you do not normally get invited again. "
That's not the case in my experience to be honest.
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By *obertjMan 46 weeks ago
Birmingham |
Point is that, at any event, there will always be some downtime. So nothing wrong with sitting and watching if you don’t want to play. I have been to some amazing clubs and some amazing parties in private houses. I have never felt under any pressure at all. |
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By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
We were afraid of private parties because of the fear of peer pressure, where you are not forced to play bit do not want to feel out of place.
But once we started to go, we have had great and bad experiences in private parties. We do play and always go with the intention to play. But sometimes we do not find a couple that we like, or we find many but they do not like us. So we don't play. We attend regularly one particular party and at that one on different days we have both of us played, not played at all or only one of us has played. We keep receiving invitations to it because it's a party that does not care if you do or don't play, no one keeps score and there's plenty of people who play anyway so the people that stay downstairs do not ruin any mood.
At another party, the hosts were very rude and put pressure on us to play. We did not, we were off soon, and were never invited again (that's ok with us).
So do try parties, but ask the hosts what usually happens and make a decision based on that. |
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By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"Haha.
Thought that private parties are obviously a lot smaller and more intimate it a good way to initiate a conversation with people but looks like there's only one thing on people's minds instead of chatting.
I went to a party once and they were so old looking it looked like the filming of Cocoon ...Stayed a while for the banter though "
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No. It's not like that. People will be genuinely wanting to talk to you if you are open to engage in a conversation. Far easier than at a club. You will click with some and talk for ages and want to play with them but with others you will politely announce that it's time to refresh your drink, or visit the loo, so you move on and chat to someone else.
Unless you two are hermits, it's far easier to talk to couples at a party than at clubs and most will be there to play. Some will want a compatible couple, some will not discriminate and play with whomever, which is all part of the fun  |
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By *oxy jWoman 46 weeks ago
somerset |
dont forget private parties are private most are invite only and alot are people who all get along and know each other well someone may recomend a new couple or woman if they think they fit ... men normally are only those who are known..
but the golden rules still stands no is no and full consent and no pressure to play |
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We only do private meets after a social first, if we all decide to go to a hotel it's neutral ground and we discuss what we will do in advance.
But, for a private house, whether hosting or visiting, it would be with people we already knew, met, possibly played with already and trusted and even then we would communicate our intention to play before a foot goes over the doorstep. |
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We've been to a lot of both, so here's our take on them.
In clubs, having paid to get in, you can just socialise, chat, flirt, make new friends, and wander around looking at what everyone else is up to, without having to get involved. The only real downside is you will probably be followed around by a conga line of guys that get the nikname "the wanking dead", who will hope that somehow, you will suddenly invite one, or more of them , to shag you.
At a private party, all of the above still holds true...apart from having to pay to get in, and the wanking dead conga line lol.
Whether a party invite comes from friends, or strangers, if we can attend, we take a bottle for the host/hostess, treat their home with respect, and enjoy whatever happens, and if we dont play, then we've made some new friends.
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"We probably should have put in the subject Private Parties Vs Clubs. As others have said there is no obligation to play but if you do not you do not normally get invited again. "
This does happen very often at house parties Host expect to receive payment of play for being invited.This should never be expected.
We have held lots of house parties and would never want anyone to feel any pressure. |
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"This is a bit more nuanced that some of the comments above would suggest as house party is broad term covering lots of different scenarios and you need to talk to the hosts to get a feel for what they are planning.
At one extreme there are house parties of say 50 people which are very much like a small club - lots of social interaction, some people play, some don't. Often play is upstairs so you don't even have to see other playing or naked if you don't wish to.
At the other extreme somebody might invite say 10 people over with the strong expectation that everyone is going to play. Of course nobody has to play but you might feel awkward if not. The best hosts and guests for these types of things know eachother already.
And of course everything in between. I've hosted for around 20 a few times. Always make clear that it is primarily a "play party" - nobody is forced but if you think it unlikely you will play then best not to come. Usually invite people I know who will play with others on first meeting. Everytime most people just get stuck in and have lots of fun but 2-3 don't want, feel uncomfortable and just leave.
So no straighforward answer (other than of course nobody is ever obliged to do anything) and need to get a feel for each event from host and past attendees if something regular.
When it works it is fantastic and personally much prefer the atmosphere to a club."
Expected to Play! This is pressuring people if you attend a party you may not feel sexually attracted so why would anyone just play? How do you know if you don't go along & meet everyone?
Parties with no pressure are the only ones & are normal the best. |
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By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
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Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol |
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We are considering having a social at ours. We already have 2 couples and a couple of fems who have shown interest.
Although we don't want a full on blown orgy we would like to call it flirt and fiddle.
We would only want a few more couples and treat it more like a party. Food drink and loads of saucy interaction.
Bit would such a party work. ??
We have our own reasons. We are an older couple who have been out of the scene for a couple of years due to j having breast cancer twice in that time. We want to still have fun and get back into the fold and to us a flirt and fiddle party would be a great way to start.
We would supply food and some drinks. No payment needed just bring a bottle, dress to impress and have an.evening of flirty fun.
Your thoughts as to such a party would work would be appreciated. |
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By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"This is a bit more nuanced that some of the comments above would suggest as house party is broad term covering lots of different scenarios and you need to talk to the hosts to get a feel for what they are planning.
At one extreme there are house parties of say 50 people which are very much like a small club - lots of social interaction, some people play, some don't. Often play is upstairs so you don't even have to see other playing or naked if you don't wish to.
At the other extreme somebody might invite say 10 people over with the strong expectation that everyone is going to play. Of course nobody has to play but you might feel awkward if not. The best hosts and guests for these types of things know eachother already.
And of course everything in between. I've hosted for around 20 a few times. Always make clear that it is primarily a "play party" - nobody is forced but if you think it unlikely you will play then best not to come. Usually invite people I know who will play with others on first meeting. Everytime most people just get stuck in and have lots of fun but 2-3 don't want, feel uncomfortable and just leave.
So no straighforward answer (other than of course nobody is ever obliged to do anything) and need to get a feel for each event from host and past attendees if something regular.
When it works it is fantastic and personally much prefer the atmosphere to a club.
Expected to Play! This is pressuring people if you attend a party you may not feel sexually attracted so why would anyone just play? How do you know if you don't go along & meet everyone?
Parties with no pressure are the only ones & are normal the best."
__
Totally this. You and us have been at the same party at R's place (Berkshire) and there's never pressure to play at his parties. |
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By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol"
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What? Looks like you dodged a bullet. That sounds like bad swinging and a pathetic ghost. Only scum people will organise a party where everyone must play. Don't give up, parties are fun but no one should take away your right to consent. |
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"Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol
__
What? Looks like you dodged a bullet. That sounds like bad swinging and a pathetic ghost. Only scum people will organise a party where everyone must play. Don't give up, parties are fun but no one should take away your right to consent."
I disagree and have not invited couples like that - feel free to call me scum!  There is a big difference between saying everyone must play and not wanting people who definitely won't play.
I've been to all kinds as mentioned above but if organising a play party mainly for couples with numbers and space limited - let's say 5-10 couples - then we wouldn't want a couple where the male half definitely isn't going to play. Of course on the night nobody is forced but if definitely not then a wasted space. Let's say 6 ladies and 6 men. If one of the men isn't going to play then more ladies than men. Also if 11 playing and one man just watching in his normal clothes it can mess with the vibe. There is no shortage of couples where both will possibly play so I would rather invite one of those. If a big party with no limitation on space and numbers and more social then a different story. As per my comments above all kinds of house parties - just because somebody doesn't fit the organisers plans for the evening doesn't make the organiser scum! |
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By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol
__
What? Looks like you dodged a bullet. That sounds like bad swinging and a pathetic ghost. Only scum people will organise a party where everyone must play. Don't give up, parties are fun but no one should take away your right to consent.
I disagree and have not invited couples like that - feel free to call me scum! There is a big difference between saying everyone must play and not wanting people who definitely won't play.
I've been to all kinds as mentioned above but if organising a play party mainly for couples with numbers and space limited - let's say 5-10 couples - then we wouldn't want a couple where the male half definitely isn't going to play. Of course on the night nobody is forced but if definitely not then a wasted space. Let's say 6 ladies and 6 men. If one of the men isn't going to play then more ladies than men. Also if 11 playing and one man just watching in his normal clothes it can mess with the vibe. There is no shortage of couples where both will possibly play so I would rather invite one of those. If a big party with no limitation on space and numbers and more social then a different story. As per my comments above all kinds of house parties - just because somebody doesn't fit the organisers plans for the evening doesn't make the organiser scum! "
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My apologies. Not intended to you and i should not have used the word scum in any case. We had a bad experience with "hosts" (not ghosts) in a big party (15 couples) plus a few singles where the hosts were making childish fun of those that did not want to play and pressuring them to play, mocking people offering them Viagra to those that did not want to play. They were going to the bathroom often to snort and overall behaving appallingly with guests, treating them as meat for their own entertainment.
The case you describe about your parties, with very few couples, limited space, it makes sense to choose couples that go with the intention to play and to say no to those that they know in advance that they will not play.
Very sorry if my comment made you feel it was about you, it wasn't, and my reply was hasty and rude, what the poster said touched a fiber. |
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By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"PS I assume you mean host not ghost but I quite fancy the idea of being a pathetic ghost "
Oh... And those "hosts" I mentioned earlier never asked or mentioned any expectation that everyone was expected to play. |
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"Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol"
That's crap, if it was us or anyone we know then we would be happy for voyeurs, play isn't mandatory anywhere. |
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By * and BCouple 46 weeks ago
Durham |
"Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol
That's crap, if it was us or anyone we know then we would be happy for voyeurs, play isn't mandatory anywhere."
You have to _emember there are some people here who don't want to use this site for what it is, swingers site, and seem to think it's a sex site for dial f##k. They then wonder why they are getting no where  |
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"Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol
That's crap, if it was us or anyone we know then we would be happy for voyeurs, play isn't mandatory anywhere.
You have to _emember there are some people here who don't want to use this site for what it is, swingers site, and seem to think it's a sex site for dial f##k. They then wonder why they are getting no where "
At Libs for NYE the big bed room has a huge play bed, can get about 20 people on it and another 5 beds around it. At any one time you could have several one-on-ones, a couple swapping, a 5 or 6 person GB, several people watching and a the odd few chatting away in the hot tub. Everyone does what they are comfortable with, even if that is getting massively turned on being a voyeur.
If I were to host a big house party, my guests would have the same environment with zero pressure to play. |
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"We are considering having a social at ours. We already have 2 couples and a couple of fems who have shown interest.
Although we don't want a full on blown orgy we would like to call it flirt and fiddle.
We would only want a few more couples and treat it more like a party. Food drink and loads of saucy interaction.
Bit would such a party work. ??
We have our own reasons. We are an older couple who have been out of the scene for a couple of years due to j having breast cancer twice in that time. We want to still have fun and get back into the fold and to us a flirt and fiddle party would be a great way to start.
We would supply food and some drinks. No payment needed just bring a bottle, dress to impress and have an.evening of flirty fun.
Your thoughts as to such a party would work would be appreciated. "
Can’t see any reason it wouldn’t work. I have not heard of a soft play party but there are plenty of couples who only play that way or are more than happy to play within those boundaries. |
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"Bit of advice needed.
Obviously we all know that clubs you are free to do whatever you feel comfortable doing playing, social etc but does going to a house party basically imply your going to play or can you go just for a social visit to chat etc. Thanks. "
I stopped going to house parties as I always found play was expected much more. Even had a host get arsey when I wouldn't play
Cali |
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"Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol
__
What? Looks like you dodged a bullet. That sounds like bad swinging and a pathetic ghost. Only scum people will organise a party where everyone must play. Don't give up, parties are fun but no one should take away your right to consent.
I disagree and have not invited couples like that - feel free to call me scum! There is a big difference between saying everyone must play and not wanting people who definitely won't play.
I've been to all kinds as mentioned above but if organising a play party mainly for couples with numbers and space limited - let's say 5-10 couples - then we wouldn't want a couple where the male half definitely isn't going to play. Of course on the night nobody is forced but if definitely not then a wasted space. Let's say 6 ladies and 6 men. If one of the men isn't going to play then more ladies than men. Also if 11 playing and one man just watching in his normal clothes it can mess with the vibe. There is no shortage of couples where both will possibly play so I would rather invite one of those. If a big party with no limitation on space and numbers and more social then a different story. As per my comments above all kinds of house parties - just because somebody doesn't fit the organisers plans for the evening doesn't make the organiser scum!
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My apologies. Not intended to you and i should not have used the word scum in any case. We had a bad experience with "hosts" (not ghosts) in a big party (15 couples) plus a few singles where the hosts were making childish fun of those that did not want to play and pressuring them to play, mocking people offering them Viagra to those that did not want to play. They were going to the bathroom often to snort and overall behaving appallingly with guests, treating them as meat for their own entertainment.
The case you describe about your parties, with very few couples, limited space, it makes sense to choose couples that go with the intention to play and to say no to those that they know in advance that they will not play.
Very sorry if my comment made you feel it was about you, it wasn't, and my reply was hasty and rude, what the poster said touched a fiber."
That sounds like an awful environment with not very nice people. You'd probably agree that not typical. As you say pressurising anybody once they are there is very wrong and would not dream of that, including mocking/humilating the men. Not inviting those who will definitely not play if you want a play party is fine. |
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"Thought of a party sounds like fun, we got invited to one by chance on here but after talking and said it’d be our first one and hubby doesn’t play we got told it’s not for us lol
That's crap, if it was us or anyone we know then we would be happy for voyeurs, play isn't mandatory anywhere."
Play isn't mandatory but neither is an invite mandatory If inviting people to your house for a party then it is fair that you can choose people who fits the bill for what you have planned (eg couple who both are likely to play). Let's say 5 men and 5 straight ladies who want attention then which lady is going to sit around twiddling her thumbs when the man is watching and not doing anything Seen this happen where one or two ladies don't have the attention they desire as not enough men playing. |
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Personally, I only attend clubs for this reason.
I think it’s much harder to get a group of people together that everyone is attracted to and into at a house party with a smaller number. A house party is always the hosts idea of “hot”.
I’ve never felt pressure to play from a host, but I think that’s the reason to attend the house party. So absolutely think it’s not a social place and the host doesn’t invite me expecting a social.
Clubs are a much more chilled atmosphere and plenty more people around to do your own thing. |
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"We are considering having a social at ours. We already have 2 couples and a couple of fems who have shown interest.
Although we don't want a full on blown orgy we would like to call it flirt and fiddle.
We would only want a few more couples and treat it more like a party. Food drink and loads of saucy interaction.
Bit would such a party work. ??
We have our own reasons. We are an older couple who have been out of the scene for a couple of years due to j having breast cancer twice in that time. We want to still have fun and get back into the fold and to us a flirt and fiddle party would be a great way to start.
We would supply food and some drinks. No payment needed just bring a bottle, dress to impress and have an.evening of flirty fun.
Your thoughts as to such a party would work would be appreciated. "
Yes could definitely work. With a small number just got to hope everything gels and do your best to get people along who you think will get along, just as people and not purely sexually. Some may not be interested as want something more overtly sexual, some will be happy if it's more social. Just got to cross your fingers that get the right group - sadly all it takes it one lady or man to kill the vibe for all. Best of luck - great you are planning to do something. So many want to go to house parties of various descriptions but so few actually want to arrange (well obviously many can't because of kids etc.) |
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Same rules apply, but the private parties do have more play going on for sure, think it’s because the attendees have been invited due to attraction or previous encounters. But if you attend a party and it doesn’t feel right then just make your excuses and leave. As in all lifestyle settings there’s an etiquette and most people follow it. |
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We mostly go to clubs now and yes they are a much easier way to be involved in swinging for us. We enjoy the social side and if things get a bit heavy well you can always find a corner. At house parties unless you are good friends with the hosts then it does seem more intimate. There is nearly always a better balance of the sexis which helps but I don't think we would go as far out as we do in clubs but maybe that's us and to be fair we don't go to as many house parties as we used to before we virus struck xxx |
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By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"
...
That sounds like an awful environment with not very nice people. You'd probably agree that not typical. As you say pressurising anybody once they are there is very wrong and would not dream of that, including mocking/humilating the men. Not inviting those who will definitely not play if you want a play party is fine. "
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Agree, that one was not typical of the parties that we have attended. We met there a couple who are also regular party organisers. we had attended one of theirs previously and they were also shocked.
and yet we like parties, its only that unlike clubs every party is definitely different from each other, even with the same host and location the party will feel different every day.
When we go to a party we always go going to play. It's that sometimes we do not feel attraction or like some people as okay partners and we can't know that until we are there, but for the most times we usually find people to play with.
Agree. Totally ok for a host not inviting those that they will go with the intention of no play no matter what. That has an impact on small parties, say 4-5 couples, usually no where to hide and could kill the mood. In bigger parties, many rooms, if there's a couple of people not playing, it does not make a difference. No one is counting heads and asking where's so and so. People are far too busy to notice our care ince the action starts. |
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So, summarising what others have said if it's a small party of 5-6 couples.
Go hoping to play, or don't go.
You don't have to play if you don't fancy anyone once you get there, but if it's not for you, then politely leave.
If you leave don't expect to be invited to that group again - if there isn't anyone you're attracted to, why would you want to be?
And I'd add that the decision to play or go should be as a couple. |
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It think its the expectation to play that puts me off... I'd never go to a club with any plans to play.. if it happened it happened.
Every time I've gone to a party I've felt its expected to play.
Cali |
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"It think its the expectation to play that puts me off... I'd never go to a club with any plans to play.. if it happened it happened.
Every time I've gone to a party I've felt its expected to play.
Cali"
This is the same for me. I never go to a club with anything in mind. House parties just aren’t something I’d look at attending x |
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"It think its the expectation to play that puts me off... I'd never go to a club with any plans to play.. if it happened it happened.
Every time I've gone to a party I've felt its expected to play.
Cali"
I think really depends on the party. There are a couple near me that are like mini-clubs in that aremostly social, maybe 50 people, with a little play upstairs and most people are not playing at all or only a dabble. Others smaller and yes more play oriented. House parties come in all shapes and sizes. |
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"It think its the expectation to play that puts me off... I'd never go to a club with any plans to play.. if it happened it happened.
Every time I've gone to a party I've felt its expected to play.
Cali
This is the same for me. I never go to a club with anything in mind. House parties just aren’t something I’d look at attending x "
Agreed!
Your also relying on a host to invite people your attracted too… literally NEVER happens
Rather try my changes at a club, less pressure and more people to chose from = more likely to be something for everyone.
Also… I don’t feel clubs level sexy in someone’s bedroom ha. Too homely makes me cringe ha x |
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By *oxy jWoman 46 weeks ago
somerset |
as said its down to the host most of the time they have picked people that they know will all play people that know each other very well naked and play wise so they've picked a pre loaded orgy nothing wrong with that as its planned ... but if for anyreason someone said no it would be someone not feeling to well ect ect..
the worse house parties are those were strangers are invited no bosy knows each other and then the host gets pissy because they dont play normally the male half not getting what the planned these are the pareties to avoid again its that male led syndrome and every party we've been to thats been organised by a single male has not gone well at all thats not me trying to have a pop at guys its just how it is ...
im a firm believer that no one should be expected to p[lat that to me is a big no no but its really about the host and how they organise most organise knowing they will all play because they all know each other and sexual attraction is there nothing wrong with that as its just clever planning...
the thing is there are couples on this scene who call them selves swingers that never play and i do mean NEVER these couples are the couples that people try to avoid and its quite a high number the play every 2 or 3 years couple dont get me wrong thats there choice but its also the host choice to avoid..
these house parties are going to rise and amongst couples and women will become the norm word of mouth only parties with strict control were 99% of men on the scene wont get a look in let alone know whats going on couples and women have been moaning for years now about the sheer numbers of men and by doing private parties its giving back control to couples and women
online wont suffer as everything is a wankfest now anyway clubs may suffer a little and when they start to suffer they will do as online did and just encorage more men into clubs as they are the cash cows for sure swinging will go underground men will go back to porn alot of online will collapse in the end as there be no ''swinging'' left
as for me / us well i /we just like men far to much ive never brought into this swinging is only couples for me as a bi woman its important that i meet women and best way to do that is away from swinging as for couples i/we know 1,000s of cxouples but the real buzz will always be seeking guys tho i have to admit i can _emember the last time o used fab or online to do so and as someone who meets very often that may sound strange but men are easy to find anywhere its easier in real life to spot hot guys im attracted to than online
as someone else said 99.99% wont be what im looking for..
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By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
Maybe it's me personally but I feel people here are loading different meanings into the word "expectations". When we go to a club or party, or when we meet a couple on a play date, we do not go with an expectation of play (i.e. it shall happen), but with an expectation (i.e. assumption, presupposition) that us and many in attendance are also looking forward to play.
We go with a desire and willingness to play, otherwise if we are not in the mood we simply don't go or don't arrange a meet. Once there, whatever happens happens. We may be too old, too young, too out of depth, too unattractive, too choosy or too moody that day to go ahead and play, club or party, and so that day we don't play. But the initial willingness and desire before we leave from home is there for us.
If a host says there's an expectation that everyone plays then we would not go without knowing the guests and host. If it's an open party where there's no expectations, we go there willing to play but only if we find the people that feels right for us. |
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"Bit of advice needed.
Obviously we all know that clubs you are free to do whatever you feel comfortable doing playing, social etc but does going to a house party basically imply your going to play or can you go just for a social visit to chat etc. Thanks. "
I haven’t read all other comments so apologies if I’m repeating anyone’s feedback, but to add our view.
House parties are more interesting. As people have mentioned, it’s the same rules whether it’s a club, party, private party, one on one meet etcetera. There’s never an obligation to play and should never be forced.
However, you would hope that the organisers have done their homework and their utmost to look at bringing together a group of people that should be aligned and compatible.
As an example, there’s no point bringing together a new couple where just the lady plays with other ladies whilst the other couples are full swap, or all straight and full swap.
Or a group of couples that only play with couples and then one single male/female.
I know it’s stating the obvious. But attention to detail is key when bringing together a group of people.
We’ve had invites to parties where there have also had single males. So we’ve politely declined these as we don’t think we’re ideal guests for this particular party.
Other parties we’ve been to have been organised by friends that we knew a few, so that was comfortable.
And our first party we attended with eight couples, we did ask to learn who they were, which was supplied so we could see if we were aligned. The organiser was fantastic and even created a WhatsApp group for a bit of ice breaking.
We didn’t really know what the etiquette was, so had fun with everyone!
Ourselves, we haven’t had a party as such, but we’ve had a few small kickbacks with another two or three couples where we’ve identified there should be synergy.
So we would always recommend the following questions:
1) How many people?
2) What’s the mix (couples/males/females) and how many?
3) What’s the expectation (if there is one)?
4) Can you share a list? (so you can check if there’s anyone you already know, anyone you’ve been speaking with and planning to meet, anyone that is of interest.
If there’s any resistance to the above, I’d probably just decline attending. After all, it’s a compliment to be offered an invite. And it would be nice to think the organiser has done their homework to select you as an ideal attendee.
By having these questions addressed, you’re equally helping them, as I’m sure they want their party to be successful and enjoyed by all. And if you feel you’re the wrong people, then at least that’s a potential awkward moment eliminated.
Hope this helps. |
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"Maybe it's me personally but I feel people here are loading different meanings into the word "expectations". When we go to a club or party, or when we meet a couple on a play date, we do not go with an expectation of play (i.e. it shall happen), but with an expectation (i.e. assumption, presupposition) that us and many in attendance are also looking forward to play.
We go with a desire and willingness to play, otherwise if we are not in the mood we simply don't go or don't arrange a meet. Once there, whatever happens happens. We may be too old, too young, too out of depth, too unattractive, too choosy or too moody that day to go ahead and play, club or party, and so that day we don't play. But the initial willingness and desire before we leave from home is there for us.
If a host says there's an expectation that everyone plays then we would not go without knowing the guests and host. If it's an open party where there's no expectations, we go there willing to play but only if we find the people that feels right for us."
Great advice and pretty much aligns to our mantra:
Prepare for everything; expect nothing. |
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I’d advise you to meet with the hosts for a social first and discuss the party. It’ll help you feel more comfortable and you can judge whether it’s for you or not.
I’ve only been to a few small parties and it was hit or miss whether I played or not.
If you do decide to go to a party have a signal to each other to show that you are happy to play or that you don’t want to play. That way you can both feel secure knowing you both want the same thing. Agree on what you both want if you do decide to play eg full swap or soft swap, same room or separate room, one plays while the other watches, or whatever you decide. Stick to the rules and communicate.
Don’t be embarrassed about leaving a party. It’s better to leave with your dignity intact than do something you’ll regret.
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I think normal expectation of a house party is there with be space, opport_nity to play if folk want to. Naturally if you go and there's a room with cushions and/or mattresses on the floor then it's fairly safe to assume. Likewise if the host points out specific rooms you can or can't play in.
Apart from that the rules is just like a club or general daily life with regards consent and suitable spaces. If you're unsure to the nature of the house party you can always just ask the host.
Also with regards play I get that some may feel more pressure to play in a smaller and intimate environment, especially depending on the expectations of others. Obviously you know you have no obligation but understand not wanting to be in that place in the first place if your not feeling it but there is pressure. And in our experience some swingers are more hard core (if you know what I mean) than other, we all do it differently. Our limited experience of house parties have been very good. But what has make it good is the very good selection of guests by the hosts. I think the real magic to a great house party is the hosts ability to put the right people together.
Our biggest advice is just talk to the hosts. Dig a bit for the general vibe, the people attending and how their parties generally go down. That way you may get a better feel if its for you or not (as not all house parties are the same). |
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"I think normal expectation of a house party is there with be space, opport_nity to play if folk want to. Naturally if you go and there's a room with cushions and/or mattresses on the floor then it's fairly safe to assume. Likewise if the host points out specific rooms you can or can't play in.
Apart from that the rules is just like a club or general daily life with regards consent and suitable spaces. If you're unsure to the nature of the house party you can always just ask the host.
Also with regards play I get that some may feel more pressure to play in a smaller and intimate environment, especially depending on the expectations of others. Obviously you know you have no obligation but understand not wanting to be in that place in the first place if your not feeling it but there is pressure. And in our experience some swingers are more hard core (if you know what I mean) than other, we all do it differently. Our limited experience of house parties have been very good. But what has make it good is the very good selection of guests by the hosts. I think the real magic to a great house party is the hosts ability to put the right people together.
Our biggest advice is just talk to the hosts. Dig a bit for the general vibe, the people attending and how their parties generally go down. That way you may get a better feel if its for you or not (as not all house parties are the same)."
Spot on especially regarding speaking to the host(s). Any you are 100% right on good host(s) being able to put the right people together, especially if a more play oriented party. Whenever I’ve organised with partner we spend a lot time on this and ideally we’ve played with everyone before or at least met them. It becomes more pot luck if not. |
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Communication..
There are house parties where the participants expect action thus why you were invited.
And there are parties where they just want chancers who will show up and they decide from there.
Participating might get you invited again and not participating might get you blacklisted not only from theirs but the clique that's preset too.
Clubs there is zero requirements to do anything ever... You might still find there are cliques present but each week there will always be a new face new couple new possibilities.
The only way you will be guaranteed to be banned from both is not understanding boundaries and no meaning no. |
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