FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Struggling to get meets
Struggling to get meets
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
mmmm couple of things here ...
clubs do not and never have = sex
you know deep down why you struggle to meet its down to one very very simple thing ...there are zillions of men compared to women and couples ... getting noticed is hard being what someones looking for is even harder ... even 20 years ago when there was a quarter amount of men it was hard but today its is for most almost impossible |
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
Forget the swinger clubs mate, they’re for couples. Get yourself down the rugby club, much easier to find a likeminded lady   |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
Did you actually make any changes to your profile since asking for advice three weeks ago? If you did, and your profile is a true reflection of the effort you're putting in to getting meets, then maybe that's the answer. If you didn't, well....
(Bry) |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"Yes I did not the txt but made a face pic available on public photos "
Okay...you have one webcam verification...and most people think they're pointless. You say you've done clubs, yet not managed to get a verification from a club itself or anyone you've spoken to?
Your age range suggests you couldn't be bothered finishing your profile OR that you'll literally shag anyone.
Your text says nothing that 3000 other singles say. There's nothing there to start a conversation from and nothing that gives an idea of what you're like and whether we'd have anything in common.
Sorry.
(Bry) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Before I joined this site I had visited a few seingers clubs and saunas and always found everyone friendly,open minded and very broadminded.lol.couples and single ladies happy to chat and play with single guys.however joining this site and using others it gives swingers a bad name.there are a lot of people who are time wasters up there own arses and basically rude and ignorant.if I was the oo I'd stick with using clubs because if you rely on this site for meets ,you will end up highly disappointed and think everyone into the swinging scene is so shallow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I did not the txt but made a face pic available on public photos
Okay...you have one webcam verification...and most people think they're pointless. You say you've done clubs, yet not managed to get a verification from a club itself or anyone you've spoken to?
Your age range suggests you couldn't be bothered finishing your profile OR that you'll literally shag anyone.
Your text says nothing that 3000 other singles say. There's nothing there to start a conversation from and nothing that gives an idea of what you're like and whether we'd have anything in common.
Sorry.
(Bry)"
I understand where you are coming from ,but in a club it's easier to socialise and chat to people.on here half the time you message someone and they don't bother to reply,read your message or even just block you because you dared to message them.a lot of single guys on here get disallusioned and probably think why bother.also I think that fab needs to change the rules.sone people have either not been on the site that long or not had any Meets yet so are not verified and shouldn't be discriminated against.all those who block people who have not been verified need to think how is anyone new supposed to enjoy the site and lifestyle if they can't send someone they think seems nice a message.not even a simple hello or start a chat . |
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
I remember you asking for profile advice a while ago. I suggested you try a different avatar but you still have the same one. |
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"Yes I did not the txt but made a face pic available on public photos
Okay...you have one webcam verification...and most people think they're pointless. You say you've done clubs, yet not managed to get a verification from a club itself or anyone you've spoken to?
Your age range suggests you couldn't be bothered finishing your profile OR that you'll literally shag anyone.
Your text says nothing that 3000 other singles say. There's nothing there to start a conversation from and nothing that gives an idea of what you're like and whether we'd have anything in common.
Sorry.
(Bry)I understand where you are coming from ,but in a club it's easier to socialise and chat to people.on here half the time you message someone and they don't bother to reply,read your message or even just block you because you dared to message them.a lot of single guys on here get disallusioned and probably think why bother.also I think that fab needs to change the rules.sone people have either not been on the site that long or not had any Meets yet so are not verified and shouldn't be discriminated against.all those who block people who have not been verified need to think how is anyone new supposed to enjoy the site and lifestyle if they can't send someone they think seems nice a message.not even a simple hello or start a chat ."
People can get photo verified the day they join and if they don't that's their problem. Verification is there for a reason!
We think getting at least photo verified should be mandatory when you join.
The ones who end up getting blocked after messaging are usually because they haven't bothered to read the profile first.
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx
Forget the swinger clubs mate, they’re for couples. Get yourself down the rugby club, much easier to find a likeminded lady "
Maybe I'm just lucky, but I've never not had some kind of sexual contact with a member of the opposite sex when visiting a swingers club, I have only ever gone as a single guy, and I wouldn't say I was particularly spectacularly handsome or blessed with a chiselled physique, six-pack or whatever. Literally just turn up, make conversation with people and the rest just seems to fall into place.
It's just a shame I don't seem to attract women so easily in normal nightlife venues. Maybe I should try just wearing a skimpy white towel next time I go clubbing  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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op you need to keep thing to the forum and not pm i answered you on the forum that was not a invite to pm me hence blocked ...
i do the same for all who do this ...keep it to the forums |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the problem is people join thinking they are qwed something from the site and its users you are owed nothing absolutely zero people run there profile as they wish and blocking for some is a big part ..... also swinging is and always will be a rejection process if you cant handle rejection then you are not suited for the scene full stop |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx
Forget the swinger clubs mate, they’re for couples. Get yourself down the rugby club, much easier to find a likeminded lady
Maybe I'm just lucky, but I've never not had some kind of sexual contact with a member of the opposite sex when visiting a swingers club, I have only ever gone as a single guy, and I wouldn't say I was particularly spectacularly handsome or blessed with a chiselled physique, six-pack or whatever. Literally just turn up, make conversation with people and the rest just seems to fall into place.
It's just a shame I don't seem to attract women so easily in normal nightlife venues. Maybe I should try just wearing a skimpy white towel next time I go clubbing "
yes I'm the same.i find it funny that if I attend a club or sauna and there are couples or single ladies there I will always end up having some fun.and yet like you I admit I'm not some strapping hunk with a six pack or huge cock in my pants.lol.find people who attend the clubs are genuinely chatty and friendly and like to have fun and enjoy themselves.i do not go to a club or sauna expecting anything but always do.so I cannot understand how people on here seem so different and basically unfriendly to single guys. |
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By *ihmMan
over a year ago
West Wales |
"So it’s purely down to numbers of men outweighing women/couples "
No, it's partly down to being a Cardiff city supporter, cover the tattoo and you will be drowning in success!...... Oh yeah, also when you go along to clubs, go to have a good night out. Meet some great people, talk to people with no expectations of anything more. Don't be pushy. Think of anything more happening as a massive bonus to a good night out, rather than the reason for going and if nothing else, you will have had a good night out in just your pants..... And a knee high sock to cover that tattoo |
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By *ihmMan
over a year ago
West Wales |
"Lol clearly a Jack with that response lol ?? I do go to have a good time if I play it’s a bonus tbf I’m just a shy person until I get to know person "
Maybe don't hide the tattoo, might get you a pity fuck from a swans supporter, after all you've been fucked over every time they've met recently!
On a more lighthearted note, as a couple in a club, a single chap coming up and making an effort to have a chat and a laugh with no expectations and no pressure has already got a lot closer to to being invited to join in with some fun. Not sure how clubs are going to work out for you if you are shy. Don't give up, be/keep being someone who is remembered positively. Our experience is that people are friendly and welcoming to those making and effort to be the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lol clearly a Jack with that response lol ?? I do go to have a good time if I play it’s a bonus tbf I’m just a shy person until I get to know person
Maybe don't hide the tattoo, might get you a pity fuck from a swans supporter, after all you've been fucked over every time they've met recently!
On a more lighthearted note, as a couple in a club, a single chap coming up and making an effort to have a chat and a laugh with no expectations and no pressure has already got a lot closer to to being invited to join in with some fun. Not sure how clubs are going to work out for you if you are shy. Don't give up, be/keep being someone who is remembered positively. Our experience is that people are friendly and welcoming to those making and effort to be the same. "
so why can't people be pfriendly and welcoming on here when a single guy might send a couple or single lady a pleasant and respectful message and you get ignored or blocked or sometimes an extremely rude and uncalled for reply.im not saying it's all the time but speaking to guys on here it's happening a lot.not all of us single guys are looking for notches on our bed posts or are cheating on our partners or are some kind of low life creep.so please don't treat us all that way.this site is supposed to be fun an welcoming to all. |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
Only banter mate lol and once you’ve met me you won’t forget me as I’m {wonky} I’ve got cerebral palsy and walk with a limp
"Lol clearly a Jack with that response lol ?? I do go to have a good time if I play it’s a bonus tbf I’m just a shy person until I get to know person
Maybe don't hide the tattoo, might get you a pity fuck from a swans supporter, after all you've been fucked over every time they've met recently!
On a more lighthearted note, as a couple in a club, a single chap coming up and making an effort to have a chat and a laugh with no expectations and no pressure has already got a lot closer to to being invited to join in with some fun. Not sure how clubs are going to work out for you if you are shy. Don't give up, be/keep being someone who is remembered positively. Our experience is that people are friendly and welcoming to those making and effort to be the same. "
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I'm afraid being shy in a swinging club, isn't gonna get you far unless you're physically what a single or couple are looking for. If you go angling and don't cast a line (chat in otherwords) you're not going to catch a fish!
You're initial message to anyone is vitally important. Personally, we're sick of 'hi, how's you' and that's it. Messages, that in our opinion, don't deserve a reply. On the other hand, when we do reply and maybe show some initial interest, the sender automatically think they can become your pen pal and bombard you with more messages.
In a nutshell you've got to promote yourself in the best light, decent pics, decent bio and decent messages. No need to ask for advice on profile, just look at others (single guys) for ideas. Best of luck OP |
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By *ihmMan
over a year ago
West Wales |
"Lol clearly a Jack with that response lol ?? I do go to have a good time if I play it’s a bonus tbf I’m just a shy person until I get to know person
Maybe don't hide the tattoo, might get you a pity fuck from a swans supporter, after all you've been fucked over every time they've met recently!
On a more lighthearted note, as a couple in a club, a single chap coming up and making an effort to have a chat and a laugh with no expectations and no pressure has already got a lot closer to to being invited to join in with some fun. Not sure how clubs are going to work out for you if you are shy. Don't give up, be/keep being someone who is remembered positively. Our experience is that people are friendly and welcoming to those making and effort to be the same. so why can't people be pfriendly and welcoming on here when a single guy might send a couple or single lady a pleasant and respectful message and you get ignored or blocked or sometimes an extremely rude and uncalled for reply.im not saying it's all the time but speaking to guys on here it's happening a lot.not all of us single guys are looking for notches on our bed posts or are cheating on our partners or are some kind of low life creep.so please don't treat us all that way.this site is supposed to be fun an welcoming to all."
All light hearted banter, with some well meaning advice mixed in. No intention of making anyone feel unwelcome |
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(Bry)I understand where you are coming from ,but in a club it's easier to socialise and chat to people.on here half the time you message someone and they don't bother to reply,read your message or even just block you because you dared to message them.a lot of single guys on here get disallusioned and probably think why bother.also I think that fab needs to change the rules.sone people have either not been on the site that long or not had any Meets yet so are not verified and shouldn't be discriminated against.all those who block people who have not been verified need to think how is anyone new supposed to enjoy the site and lifestyle if they can't send someone they think seems nice a message.not even a simple hello or start a chat ."
People can get photo verified straight away. If folks are too lazy to do that, as that gets them past the verified filter, why should people not be able to block them?
And how many people saying “hello” do you suggest folks should be obliged to reply to, given that some women and couples literally get hundreds of messages. Even I as a very average looking fat woman have had 15+ messages today just saying “hi” “hey” or “hello”.
People who are new and want to enjoy the site should take the time to fill in a decent profile, get photo verified and then start chatting with more than a “hello”.
No-one would walk into a club with a bag over their head, say “hello” and then be surprised that there wasn’t women itching to chat or hopping onto their cock left, right and centre… |
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"Lol clearly a Jack with that response lol ?? I do go to have a good time if I play it’s a bonus tbf I’m just a shy person until I get to know person
Maybe don't hide the tattoo, might get you a pity fuck from a swans supporter, after all you've been fucked over every time they've met recently!
On a more lighthearted note, as a couple in a club, a single chap coming up and making an effort to have a chat and a laugh with no expectations and no pressure has already got a lot closer to to being invited to join in with some fun. Not sure how clubs are going to work out for you if you are shy. Don't give up, be/keep being someone who is remembered positively. Our experience is that people are friendly and welcoming to those making and effort to be the same. so why can't people be pfriendly and welcoming on here when a single guy might send a couple or single lady a pleasant and respectful message and you get ignored or blocked or sometimes an extremely rude and uncalled for reply.im not saying it's all the time but speaking to guys on here it's happening a lot.not all of us single guys are looking for notches on our bed posts or are cheating on our partners or are some kind of low life creep.so please don't treat us all that way.this site is supposed to be fun an welcoming to all."
An open mailbox is welcoming. But most people are not mutually matched with most other people. The Fab guideline is to treat a no reply as meaning there's no interest. Many people get too much mail to be able to reply to, others have bad experiences after replying when not interested
That's the system we have all signed up to. As the saying goes - when in Rome...
There are tons of friendly people here. They are no less friendly, just because they are following the standard guidelines or can't pursue giving others the responses they'd likem
Many people find that if they make realistic expectations here, they become more comfortable. |
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"op you need to keep thing to the forum and not pm i answered you on the forum that was not a invite to pm me hence blocked ...
i do the same for all who do this ...keep it to the forums"
Iv had this happen alot...I'm quite active on the forums where as my hubby isn't.. then you get some random bloke private msg you a follow on from a conversation from the forums.. they don't have any respect that it's a couples account..doesn't look good. But they just think they are in with a chance of chatting and possible meet by doing that..its not the crack! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why can't people be nice and pleasant to each other on here anymore.i used to really enjoy this site when I first came on years ago but it started to change so I left and just went to clubs and saunas and the odd social as well.decided to come back on here and if anything it's got worse.some of the comments from so called ladies are disgusting.if it was guys sending women messages like that then they'd be banned from the site and reported for hate speech.there is no need for behaviour like yhis |
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Usual response from me.
How appealing are your messages? (Most of the messages we get from single men are dreadful and deserve to be deleted.)
Are you sending messages to appropriate people?
How appealing is your profile text?
How appealing is you gallery?
Any or all of these can lose people's interest in you, so how appealing do make your presentation of yourself? |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
Same thing as everyone else says. Clubs are too expensive at double the price for a single male and are for couples and single ladies. Men are there to provide finds to make up the shortfall of letting couples in cheap and ladies in for nowt.
There are more me here than women and couples unless yiu rich or hung like a horse ?? yiu ain't got a chance.
Go to socials ot Tey you local pub dating conventionally will get better results |
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By *ihmMan
over a year ago
West Wales |
"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx
Same thing as everyone else says. Clubs are too expensive at double the price for a single male and are for couples and single ladies. Men are there to provide finds to make up the shortfall of letting couples in cheap and ladies in for nowt.
There are more me here than women and couples unless yiu rich or hung like a horse ?? yiu ain't got a chance.
Go to socials ot Tey you local pub dating conventionally will get better results"
I have had wonderful experiences over the years, a lot of them as a single chap. Not so much on here, not really looking for anything as such on this profile though. But definitely in the real world with friends, at clubs and socials. I am not rich or hung like a donkey, I'm no oil painting either. But I have always had a laugh, never been desperate or put pressure on anyone, never moaned as if I was owed something. Nobody owes anyone anything at all, the truth of the situation is that single men vastly out number couples and single women. You have to be what someone is looking for and get that across. I don't mean pretend to be something you aren't to get a leg over, be yourself, if that doesn't appeal to anyone then swinging may not be the pastime for you. |
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"Fair point but really don’t know what to write should I envasise my qualities like a dating profile? "
Oh yes, definitely envasise your qualities. I always list 'spell check user' as one of my strongest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx
Forget the swinger clubs mate, they’re for couples. Get yourself down the rugby club, much easier to find a likeminded lady
Maybe I'm just lucky, but I've never not had some kind of sexual contact with a member of the opposite sex when visiting a swingers club, I have only ever gone as a single guy, and I wouldn't say I was particularly spectacularly handsome or blessed with a chiselled physique, six-pack or whatever. Literally just turn up, make conversation with people and the rest just seems to fall into place.
It's just a shame I don't seem to attract women so easily in normal nightlife venues. Maybe I should try just wearing a skimpy white towel next time I go clubbing yes I'm the same.i find it funny that if I attend a club or sauna and there are couples or single ladies there I will always end up having some fun.and yet like you I admit I'm not some strapping hunk with a six pack or huge cock in my pants.lol.find people who attend the clubs are genuinely chatty and friendly and like to have fun and enjoy themselves.i do not go to a club or sauna expecting anything but always do.so I cannot understand how people on here seem so different and basically unfriendly to single guys."
Personality has a lot to do with it ..
also wether you can interact with both male and female in a couple .. they have to feel comfortable with you .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx
mmmm couple of things here ...
clubs do not and never have = sex
you know deep down why you struggle to meet its down to one very very simple thing ...there are zillions of men compared to women and couples ... getting noticed is hard being what someones looking for is even harder ... even 20 years ago when there was a quarter amount of men it was hard but today its is for most almost impossible"
The fact is more women need to join as for some reason women are not as interested in the NSA sex scene as men. Dont know why as going back 10-15 years there seem to be more women looking for casual fun yet up and coming girls seem to not be as interested. |
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"Fair point but really don’t know what to write should I envasise my qualities like a dating profile?
Yes....... And hide the tattoo....... "
---Yeah leading with the tattoo comes across like you looking for a date with a fellow City supporter more than you are looking for sexual encounters. It actually almost gives a dating site vibe! The problem is it's one people can easily pass over, just as they do in dating sites.
Honestly, I'd put the tatt amongst your other pictures. And even then you might consider adding more pictures to slightly soften it's effect maybe..
Unless you really are after another Bluebirds fan? --pt |
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"Surely it’s about your personality rather than your profile "
Your profile has to show your personality though. How else will people get the jist of what you’re like and decide if they want to message you or reply? |
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"Why can't people be nice and pleasant to each other on here anymore.i used to really enjoy this site when I first came on years ago but it started to change so I left and just went to clubs and saunas and the odd social as well.decided to come back on here and if anything it's got worse.some of the comments from so called ladies are disgusting.if it was guys sending women messages like that then they'd be banned from the site and reported for hate speech.there is no need for behaviour like yhis"
Men don’t get banned for ending hateful messages.
I’ve worked behind a bar, in a garage and for the NhS and I’ve had worse said to me on here by random blokes on here yet none of them have been banned.
In fact the guy who called me a fat cunt yesterday I didn’t even bother reporting as it’s a waste of time. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
What happened at clubs (in general terms)?
You turned up, you chatted to people, you got on with them, you mentioned this site, some other people were on here too, you asked if they'd mind verifying you.
Some of this must have happened, some of it presumably not....which bits? |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Chatted to people mentioned fab swapped usernames "
So you did all of those things, and didn't get any interest?
Every time you went? (Judging by your posting history, you've been a lot recently)
Did you fancy anyone? Did you tell them you fancied them? |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Yeah totally get what your saying I’m slightly shy "
Dude, you're walking around a swingers club dressed in a towel, sitting down and chatting to total strangers who are either also in towels, or their underwear.
"Shy" really ought to be taking a back seat at this point! And I speak as a fairly shy person myself.
From the point you're at, compared to most on here that make the same complaint you did, you're miles ahead. But it's still up to you to make the last steps.... it's a small flight of stairs from the bar to the playrooms, that's all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why can't people be nice and pleasant to each other on here anymore.i used to really enjoy this site when I first came on years ago but it started to change so I left and just went to clubs and saunas and the odd social as well.decided to come back on here and if anything it's got worse.some of the comments from so called ladies are disgusting.if it was guys sending women messages like that then they'd be banned from the site and reported for hate speech.there is no need for behaviour like yhis
Men don’t get banned for ending hateful messages.
I’ve worked behind a bar, in a garage and for the NhS and I’ve had worse said to me on here by random blokes on here yet none of them have been banned.
In fact the guy who called me a fat cunt yesterday I didn’t even bother reporting as it’s a waste of time. "
from what you've said some of us guys can be nasty too.i can't understand why anyone feels a need to resort to such horrible comments on here.they really do give the swinging community a bad name.ive never come across any kind of hatred at clubs and everyone has always been pleasant and friendly no matter what their sexual orientation was, colour,creed size or anything else.do why can't they just treat people with respect on here.i do think that people who go clubs are generally a bit older and have probably been swinging for years,where is a lot on here both male and female are younger and seem to have an attitude |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I mean shy talking to people but I get what you mean "
try standing at the bar and just have a chat to person behind the bar telling them that you enjoy the club but you are a bit nervous chatting to people.they are people who work there and no that sometimes people feel this way and they will probably introduce you to some of the regulars.once the ice is broken you will be able to relax and find that nearly everyone was the same the first few times visiting a club.
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"Yeah but I forgot their usernames so couldn’t verify them "
Have a look at the club reviews section. Find the club you went to and see if you recognise anyone that left a review in the two or three days following your visit. It might jog your memory.
(Bry) |
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"Men don’t get banned for ending hateful messages.
I’ve worked behind a bar, in a garage and for the NhS and I’ve had worse said to me on here by random blokes on here yet none of them have been banned.
In fact the guy who called me a fat cunt yesterday I didn’t even bother reporting as it’s a waste of time. "
---Sorry, on fab? If you report it and other people report the same guy too, Fab will have a 'profile' built on him and the suspensions or timeouts can become a complete ban. Ok, it can't be 100% perfect but I think it's got to be thought about statistically. It will make some men think twice, some will get bored of it, some will at least be scuppered, and end-up off fab either totally, or at least for a while. The 'what's the point' attitude, though understandable sometimes, never makes things actually better in any shape or form. Apart from maybe taking some pressure off a more stoic receiver I suppose. --pt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I did meet out side of clubs but old story time waste.
And to be fair I started going to clubs where you can feel safe chat to friends and get a lovely Vibe off a parson well the rest is between both people  in the past have met some really nice people out of clubs my Choice and right one for me |
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"Why can't people be nice and pleasant to each other on here anymore.i used to really enjoy this site when I first came on years ago but it started to change so I left and just went to clubs and saunas and the odd social as well.decided to come back on here and if anything it's got worse.some of the comments from so called ladies are disgusting.if it was guys sending women messages like that then they'd be banned from the site and reported for hate speech.there is no need for behaviour like yhis
Men don’t get banned for ending hateful messages.
I’ve worked behind a bar, in a garage and for the NhS and I’ve had worse said to me on here by random blokes on here yet none of them have been banned.
In fact the guy who called me a fat cunt yesterday I didn’t even bother reporting as it’s a waste of time. "
Report the profile to admin. What will probably happen is the profile will appear to disappear, but what will actually have happened is the site will block you from viewing that profile, and vice versa. So at least you won’t hear from that person again. I have experienced abuse from one woman in here, and this is what happened when I reported her |
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx
Forget the swinger clubs mate, they’re for couples. Get yourself down the rugby club, much easier to find a likeminded lady
Maybe I'm just lucky, but I've never not had some kind of sexual contact with a member of the opposite sex when visiting a swingers club, I have only ever gone as a single guy, and I wouldn't say I was particularly spectacularly handsome or blessed with a chiselled physique, six-pack or whatever. Literally just turn up, make conversation with people and the rest just seems to fall into place.
It's just a shame I don't seem to attract women so easily in normal nightlife venues. Maybe I should try just wearing a skimpy white towel next time I go clubbing yes I'm the same.i find it funny that if I attend a club or sauna and there are couples or single ladies there I will always end up having some fun.and yet like you I admit I'm not some strapping hunk with a six pack or huge cock in my pants.lol.find people who attend the clubs are genuinely chatty and friendly and like to have fun and enjoy themselves.i do not go to a club or sauna expecting anything but always do.so I cannot understand how people on here seem so different and basically unfriendly to single guys."
Fair play to the both of you, as my clubs experiences as a single guy is the Polar opposite. I never go expecting anything other than potentially meeting people I can have some lighthearted banter with. I have enjoyed sexy play, don’t get me wrong, but twice out of 16 visits isn’t a great record. For me, clubs have been about very few single women ever, and mostly couples not interested in single guys. Using Fab to find likeminded friendly people has been much easier than the hassles involved in getting to a club…… |
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"Men don’t get banned for ending hateful messages.
I’ve worked behind a bar, in a garage and for the NhS and I’ve had worse said to me on here by random blokes on here yet none of them have been banned.
In fact the guy who called me a fat cunt yesterday I didn’t even bother reporting as it’s a waste of time.
---Sorry, on fab? If you report it and other people report the same guy too, Fab will have a 'profile' built on him and the suspensions or timeouts can become a complete ban. Ok, it can't be 100% perfect but I think it's got to be thought about statistically. It will make some men think twice, some will get bored of it, some will at least be scuppered, and end-up off fab either totally, or at least for a while. The 'what's the point' attitude, though understandable sometimes, never makes things actually better in any shape or form. Apart from maybe taking some pressure off a more stoic receiver I suppose. --pt"
There’s no point. No-one I’ve ever reported has been suspended or banned and I’ve reported some downright vile things.
Far less hassle just to block and delete. I know several women who do the same because it’s just not worth wasting your time.
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". from what you've said some of us guys can be nasty too.i can't understand why anyone feels a need to resort to such horrible comments on here.they really do give the swinging community a bad name.ive never come across any kind of hatred at clubs and everyone has always been pleasant and friendly no matter what their sexual orientation was, colour,creed size or anything else.do why can't they just treat people with respect on here.i do think that people who go clubs are generally a bit older and have probably been swinging for years,where is a lot on here both male and female are younger and seem to have an attitude "
I find older guys much nastier on here.
Younger ones will be rude, but the bulk of the nastier comments come from guys 45+
It’s the keyboard warrior mentality |
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"There’s no point. No-one I’ve ever reported has been suspended or banned and I’ve reported some downright vile things.
Far less hassle just to block and delete. I know several women who do the same because it’s just not worth wasting your time."
---Surely those people have at least had period suspensions? Fab are hardly afraid to act on things! They will suspend accounts even by accident sometimes (you can have a short suspension for inadvertently mentioning a website in a totally personal message that you didn't even know existed for example). Or for saying something in a forum thread contained a topic within it that you had no idea was even gong on! (If it looked like you were joining it and was reported by someone etc... these things can happen.) And of course people can get time-outs for marginally crossing the lines, including first time-ones they likely didn't know about. It's pretty clear that if you are judged to break the rules (even by a bot) you will always get some form of punishment!
Perhaps they had a strong warning and you just don't know about it? Assuming it doesn't, maybe Fab could inform people that warnings could happen when the complaint is enacted upon. If they had a strong warning, the reporting may have worked.
I think it's possible you missed the action in these cases, or it happened in advance of you looking perhaps. As I understand it, Fab partly take a 'tough line' because they don't run this site for great profit and they don't have much staff (which I read on their guidelines pages once - though that could have been updated at some point). So perhaps it just took some time for them to get to your reports? Apparently and not unsurprisingly, they do get a lot. And perhaps they actually do need some more staff for all of this? But I cannot believe they are deliberately ignoring abusive behaviour, that just wouldn't make sense. --pt |
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
Socials are a great way for you to meet new people and the more you attend the more people start to recognise you .
Check out the Welsh forums theirs plenty of socials within a short drive from where you are from .. |
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"Yeah that’s what I thought "
If you can travel further afield it helps for socials and clubs once you've got more confidence sorry but for me a man who isn't confident chatting to a woman isn't someone I would want to meet |
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"Yeah that’s what I thought
If you can travel further afield it helps for socials and clubs once you've got more confidence sorry but for me a man who isn't confident chatting to a woman isn't someone I would want to meet "
Has he asked you to meet? |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"Yes only one local social "
Guess you need to message people local to you and start another social. All you need is a local pub happy to have 20-30 people descend on them on a quiet Tuesday evening.
(Bry) |
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"Yeah that’s what I thought
If you can travel further afield it helps for socials and clubs once you've got more confidence sorry but for me a man who isn't confident chatting to a woman isn't someone I would want to meet
Has he asked you to meet?"
She never said he had |
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"Yeah that’s what I thought
If you can travel further afield it helps for socials and clubs once you've got more confidence sorry but for me a man who isn't confident chatting to a woman isn't someone I would want to meet
Has he asked you to meet?
She never said he had"
I never said she did |
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
Clubs are not the best for a single man
Go to the saunas but don't harass the lady's like the bulk of the single men that go just be normal and have a chat build up trust and see where it goes i talk to a few ladies when i go expect nothing and you won't be disappointed if it does go somewhere on the day then all good |
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
Chams is a great place to be going.. Do you speak to people while you are there, or do you stay quiet
I went on Sunday with friends
Couples, single guys...
It was a great afternoon
Im shy but i make the effort to smile at people and say hi as i walk around
It does take time and effort
You get out what you put in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm guessing it's a balance of standing out while also displaying discretion. Bit of a tightrope act.
For me though it's coz I'm just not what people are looking for (sob sob lol). |
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx"
It's highly likely you will never get a meet. I've had one in 14 years on here,but have accepted it was a million to one and am unlikely to ever have fun again. As long as you realise your chances are ultra slim,you shouldn't be too disappointed.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx
Forget the swinger clubs mate, they’re for couples. Get yourself down the rugby club, much easier to find a likeminded lady
Maybe I'm just lucky, but I've never not had some kind of sexual contact with a member of the opposite sex when visiting a swingers club, I have only ever gone as a single guy, and I wouldn't say I was particularly spectacularly handsome or blessed with a chiselled physique, six-pack or whatever. Literally just turn up, make conversation with people and the rest just seems to fall into place.
It's just a shame I don't seem to attract women so easily in normal nightlife venues. Maybe I should try just wearing a skimpy white towel next time I go clubbing yes I'm the same.i find it funny that if I attend a club or sauna and there are couples or single ladies there I will always end up having some fun.and yet like you I admit I'm not some strapping hunk with a six pack or huge cock in my pants.lol.find people who attend the clubs are genuinely chatty and friendly and like to have fun and enjoy themselves.i do not go to a club or sauna expecting anything but always do.so I cannot understand how people on here seem so different and basically unfriendly to single guys."
So the answer is, to to clubs and socials more, isn’t it? I’d say no to a cock pics and a message asking, how are you, on fab! Who wouldn’t? But come up to me in a club and chat and if we get on, see what happens. It also helps to send face pics with you smiling, so you look like a friendly person. Can be a bit cringe for single guys to take selfies but when a man says he’s fun, and he looks miserable in his pics, it can put people off. If you know how to talk to people, you’ll be fine. Mutual respect and no means no. |
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx It's highly likely you will never get a meet. I've had one in 14 years on here,but have accepted it was a million to one and am unlikely to ever have fun again. As long as you realise your chances are ultra slim,you shouldn't be too disappointed."
 lol the op#s in a decent location,is a decent looking guy at good age for lots of fabbers and he;s willing to show his picture and work on his profile etc. Maybe you could try some of that? Ultra slim  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all struggling to get replies and meets even though I go to clubs xx
Chams is a great place to be going.. Do you speak to people while you are there, or do you stay quiet
I went on Sunday with friends
Couples, single guys...
It was a great afternoon
Im shy but i make the effort to smile at people and say hi as i walk around
It does take time and effort
You get out what you put in "
exactly if you sit in a corner head down not making eye contact or even trying to speak with anyone then you are likely to be ignored.even now if I go a club or sauna I'm a bit shy but a polite hello and a smile goes a long way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go to a club. Get chatting to people socially. No expectations and go from there.
You need to show your personality and stand out from the rest of the guys. Only way to do this is with your bio. Sell yourself. |
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"That’s what I struggle doing x "
Use okcupid too btw, don't just use fab. Clubs and gatherings are decent advice, but I suspect that most people on Fab don't actually use them. I'm not really into that type of thing myself, at least the more scenester type ones. You don't have to focus on clubs if they make you feel uncomfortable, and you'd hardly be alone in that on here. In fact it might be a good idea to put that in your profile. It's always a good idea to put hooks of some kind in your profile anyway, things someone can latch on to. Things that someone could say, 'I'm the same'. --pt |
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"That’s what I struggle doing x "
Use reply and quote so people know who your responding to ..You should head along to the Newport social as it’s a great way to meet new people and a lot of the people head over to the greenhouse from the social ..
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"That’s what I struggle doing x Use reply and quote so people know who your responding to ..You should head along to the Newport social as it’s a great way to meet new people and a lot of the people head over to the greenhouse from the social .."
Can’t head over to Newport social as I haven’t been verified in person I have but they’ve left the site and it doesn’t count |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The problem with telling everyone to go to socials is not everyone is into that. Me personelly have no interest in spending money and making small talk fir nothing as my time is valued and im here for NSA sex, if i want to go for a drink i have friends for that. No offence to those who like socials but most would rather just get on with what we are here for. Each to there own but my free time is not a lot so would rather use it to try and enjoy some sex life as its hard enough as it is to arrange. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with telling everyone to go to socials is not everyone is into that. Me personelly have no interest in spending money and making small talk fir nothing as my time is valued and im here for NSA sex, if i want to go for a drink i have friends for that. No offence to those who like socials but most would rather just get on with what we are here for. Each to there own but my free time is not a lot so would rather use it to try and enjoy some sex life as its hard enough as it is to arrange. "
But if that's the best way to get those nsa meets it's worth doing. If you can get meets without doing that you don't need to waste your time and money. The OP needs that extra leg up to get his leg over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with telling everyone to go to socials is not everyone is into that. Me personelly have no interest in spending money and making small talk fir nothing as my time is valued and im here for NSA sex, if i want to go for a drink i have friends for that. No offence to those who like socials but most would rather just get on with what we are here for. Each to there own but my free time is not a lot so would rather use it to try and enjoy some sex life as its hard enough as it is to arrange.
But if that's the best way to get those nsa meets it's worth doing. If you can get meets without doing that you don't need to waste your time and money. The OP needs that extra leg up to get his leg over. "
Looool leg up to to get leg over! |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"The problem with telling everyone to go to socials is not everyone is into that. Me personelly have no interest in spending money and making small talk fir nothing as my time is valued and im here for NSA sex, if i want to go for a drink i have friends for that. No offence to those who like socials but most would rather just get on with what we are here for. Each to there own but my free time is not a lot so would rather use it to try and enjoy some sex life as its hard enough as it is to arrange. "
So you're not a swinger, just someone that's joined a swingers site in the hope of easy, free, sex.
(Bry) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with telling everyone to go to socials is not everyone is into that. Me personelly have no interest in spending money and making small talk fir nothing as my time is valued and im here for NSA sex, if i want to go for a drink i have friends for that. No offence to those who like socials but most would rather just get on with what we are here for. Each to there own but my free time is not a lot so would rather use it to try and enjoy some sex life as its hard enough as it is to arrange.
So you're not a swinger, just someone that's joined a swingers site in the hope of easy, free, sex.
(Bry)"
Bit unfair that bry as we all use the site how we see fit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with telling everyone to go to socials is not everyone is into that. Me personelly have no interest in spending money and making small talk fir nothing as my time is valued and im here for NSA sex, if i want to go for a drink i have friends for that. No offence to those who like socials but most would rather just get on with what we are here for. Each to there own but my free time is not a lot so would rather use it to try and enjoy some sex life as its hard enough as it is to arrange.
So you're not a swinger, just someone that's joined a swingers site in the hope of easy, free, sex.
(Bry)"
what ?? how ridiculous there are 1,000 of swingers who dont do socials or social meets ..the club users are the smallest part of the scene almost ....we get more fun for non social swinging than we do mixing with those few who think they know all the rule to swinging and call others out because they think they know best .... swinging has no rules (apart from no) swinging is for people to use as a scene as they wish its primarily about people having fun with others ..its not sex on a plate scene that i agree but most swinging couples dont do socials or clubs or forums they are having fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with telling everyone to go to socials is not everyone is into that. Me personelly have no interest in spending money and making small talk fir nothing as my time is valued and im here for NSA sex, if i want to go for a drink i have friends for that. No offence to those who like socials but most would rather just get on with what we are here for. Each to there own but my free time is not a lot so would rather use it to try and enjoy some sex life as its hard enough as it is to arrange.
So you're not a swinger, just someone that's joined a swingers site in the hope of easy, free, sex.
(Bry)
what ?? how ridiculous there are 1,000 of swingers who dont do socials or social meets ..the club users are the smallest part of the scene almost ....we get more fun for non social swinging than we do mixing with those few who think they know all the rule to swinging and call others out because they think they know best .... swinging has no rules (apart from no) swinging is for people to use as a scene as they wish its primarily about people having fun with others ..its not sex on a plate scene that i agree but most swinging couples dont do socials or clubs or forums they are having fun "
Thank you my point but you worded it better. As a single guy with valued limited free time i would rather use it to enjoy my non exsistant sex life thats passing me by, so if someone agrees to meet and get on with NSA that is what i want as i dont have the time to waste on socials that wont guarentee play as its not worth my time. No offence to those that do but im looking to have sex not chat about it and maybe have it as its not worth the risk wasting free time for me. |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"what ?? how ridiculous there are 1,000 of swingers who dont do socials or social meets "
Whatever. As far as I'm concerned, a single guy (or woman) just looking for sex with no social aspect might as well be in a dating hook-up site. Just my opinion, may well be wrong.
(Bry) |
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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"The problem with telling everyone to go to socials is not everyone is into that. Me personelly have no interest in spending money and making small talk fir nothing as my time is valued and im here for NSA sex, if i want to go for a drink i have friends for that. No offence to those who like socials but most would rather just get on with what we are here for. Each to there own but my free time is not a lot so would rather use it to try and enjoy some sex life as its hard enough as it is to arrange.
So you're not a swinger, just someone that's joined a swingers site in the hope of easy, free, sex.
(Bry)
what ?? how ridiculous there are 1,000 of swingers who dont do socials or social meets ..the club users are the smallest part of the scene almost ....we get more fun for non social swinging than we do mixing with those few who think they know all the rule to swinging and call others out because they think they know best .... swinging has no rules (apart from no) swinging is for people to use as a scene as they wish its primarily about people having fun with others ..its not sex on a plate scene that i agree but most swinging couples dont do socials or clubs or forums they are having fun
Thank you my point but you worded it better. As a single guy with valued limited free time i would rather use it to enjoy my non exsistant sex life thats passing me by, so if someone agrees to meet and get on with NSA that is what i want as i dont have the time to waste on socials that wont guarentee play as its not worth my time. No offence to those that do but im looking to have sex not chat about it and maybe have it as its not worth the risk wasting free time for me."
Wow |
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"Lol clearly a Jack with that response lol ?? I do go to have a good time if I play it’s a bonus tbf I’m just a shy person until I get to know person
Maybe don't hide the tattoo, might get you a pity fuck from a swans supporter, after all you've been fucked over every time they've met recently!
On a more lighthearted note, as a couple in a club, a single chap coming up and making an effort to have a chat and a laugh with no expectations and no pressure has already got a lot closer to to being invited to join in with some fun. Not sure how clubs are going to work out for you if you are shy. Don't give up, be/keep being someone who is remembered positively. Our experience is that people are friendly and welcoming to those making and effort to be the same. so why can't people be pfriendly and welcoming on here when a single guy might send a couple or single lady a pleasant and respectful message and you get ignored or blocked or sometimes an extremely rude and uncalled for reply.im not saying it's all the time but speaking to guys on here it's happening a lot.not all of us single guys are looking for notches on our bed posts or are cheating on our partners or are some kind of low life creep.so please don't treat us all that way.this site is supposed to be fun an welcoming to all."
No but then why should we reply to every message if not interested or clearly not read my profile first. I don't wanna send out 20/30 messages a day saying thanks but no thanks. If they block you they don't wanna meet. At least that way they don't message again in the future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what ?? how ridiculous there are 1,000 of swingers who dont do socials or social meets
Whatever. As far as I'm concerned, a single guy (or woman) just looking for sex with no social aspect might as well be in a dating hook-up site. Just my opinion, may well be wrong.
(Bry)"
But if you take them (single men and women) out of the equation where would the swinging scene be?
It sounds like you can only be a swinger in your eyes if you are part of a couple. |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"But if you take them (single men and women) out of the equation where would the swinging scene be?
It sounds like you can only be a swinger in your eyes if you are part of a couple. "
I think there's a fine line that divides "casual sex" and "swinging" and most of us float backwards and forwards over that line. People we meet in clubs are for casual sex...we're rarely know anything about them and are unlikely to see them again. People we meet on here and at socials we tend to see more often, know more about them as people, and sometimes do non-sex stuff with.
There's no defined right or wrong about it, but in *my* view, those that are just looking for one-off casual meets with no intention of, or desire to, make friends and be more social, aren't swingers.
(Bry) |
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"what ?? how ridiculous there are 1,000 of swingers who dont do socials or social meets
Whatever. As far as I'm concerned, a single guy (or woman) just looking for sex with no social aspect might as well be in a dating hook-up site. Just my opinion, may well be wrong.
(Bry)"
We are a couple who've never had a social are we therefore not swingers either |
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"what ?? how ridiculous there are 1,000 of swingers who dont do socials or social meets
Whatever. As far as I'm concerned, a single guy (or woman) just looking for sex with no social aspect might as well be in a dating hook-up site. Just my opinion, may well be wrong.
(Bry)
We are a couple who've never had a social are we therefore not swingers either"
"We are a couple who've never had a social are we therefore not swingers either
You're whatever you want to class yourselves as. What does it matter what I think?
(Bry)"
Precisely the definition of swinging is having sex with different partners for recreational purposes, no where does it mention the need for socials first of course that's fine if it's what people want but so is just meeting for sex
Some people will want to swap partners others will want singles, there's room on this site for us all, this site would be a very sad place for lots of us if all the single men left
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are a couple who've never had a social are we therefore not swingers either
You're whatever you want to class yourselves as. What does it matter what I think?
(Bry)"
it matter's when you are telling people they are not swingers when they clearly are ... we all have opinions but swinging is a wide wide spectrum ... your even saying they are not swinger in swinging clubs ?? but they are if they meet you at home ?? casual sex and swinging can go hand in hand after all swinging is all about the sex take the sex out of swinging and what do you have ???? nothing |
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"We are a couple who've never had a social are we therefore not swingers either
You're whatever you want to class yourselves as. What does it matter what I think?
(Bry)
it matter's when you are telling people they are not swingers when they clearly are ... we all have opinions but swinging is a wide wide spectrum ... your even saying they are not swinger in swinging clubs ?? but they are if they meet you at home ?? casual sex and swinging can go hand in hand after all swinging is all about the sex take the sex out of swinging and what do you have ???? nothing "
A social
That could mean everyone in my local pub or coffee shops are swingers
Maybe everyone's a swinger deep down they just haven't realised yet x |
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"We are a couple who've never had a social are we therefore not swingers either
You're whatever you want to class yourselves as. What does it matter what I think?
(Bry)
it matter's when you are telling people they are not swingers when they clearly are ... we all have opinions but swinging is a wide wide spectrum ... your even saying they are not swinger in swinging clubs ?? but they are if they meet you at home ?? casual sex and swinging can go hand in hand after all swinging is all about the sex take the sex out of swinging and what do you have ???? nothing
A social
That could mean everyone in my local pub or coffee shops are swingers
Maybe everyone's a swinger deep down they just haven't realised yet x "
Thats me down the pub tomorrow  |
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