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Auntie Ps advice line
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Seeing as there's lots of glum bum threads I'm going to add another.
What's cooking in your bunny boiler?
Do you need some WD40 to grind your gears?
As per, any advice taken is done so at your own risk and no responsibility will be taken by Auntie P for your own stupidity.
Own your own plankness.... ya plank |
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Dear Auntie P,
There's someone I deal with regularly who I have to be nice to. Not just civil, nice. They're so horrible to me that I wish they'd suffocate on their own faecal matter.
Please advise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi Auntie P,
I need advice on how to get rid of people who overstay their welcome. I mean, I still want to be friends but sometimes I just want them to fuck off too, what can I do? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P,
I’m presently sitting in a pub and there’s a bloke wiping his nose near me(!!!) 
Should I perform a full on Corona panic? Help Auntie please!  "
Don't be a spanner, have you not read the symptoms checker? Runny nose and sneezles isn't on the list. Now, go shower in his snot pellets |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I need a smoking blow job. Smoking is so frowned upon now will it happen "
Take up a 30 a day habit, remove a rib or 2 and do it yourself you lazy beast |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I feel like my knee is about to fall off and I appear to have arthritis in it could you help please? "
Get arthritis in your other knee so it doesn't feel lonely or guilty. It needs a partner in crime |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Auntie P, while downing some drinking yoghurt I spilled some and when I walk back into the office it’s going to look like I’ve jizzed over myself.
What do I do?"
Get one of the birds to leave a lipstick mark on your collar, and go whole hog man slut. You'll be the envy of the office.
Just like David Brent |
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"Dear Auntie P,
I’m presently sitting in a pub and there’s a bloke wiping his nose near me(!!!)
Should I perform a full on Corona panic? Help Auntie please!
Don't be a spanner, have you not read the symptoms checker? Runny nose and sneezles isn't on the list. Now, go shower in his snot pellets "
Phew! Thank you Auntie P; I had turtles head there for a moment....
Thanks to your sage advice, I have subsequently licked the chaps left nostril with no fear. His snot was salty tasting but not altogether unpleasant- a bit like oysters (in texture to funnily enough....)   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P,
There's someone I deal with regularly who I have to be nice to. Not just civil, nice. They're so horrible to me that I wish they'd suffocate on their own faecal matter.
Please advise."
Take them on a picnic.
In a field.
With raging bulls.
Oh, the "you" that's sat there waiting for them is simply a scarecrow. You can film the cow patty scream fest from the sidelines and make a few quid at their expense on you've been framed. Or as I like to call it at times.... "justice being served ya fucking cunt" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi Auntie P,
I need advice on how to get rid of people who overstay their welcome. I mean, I still want to be friends but sometimes I just want them to fuck off too, what can I do? "
Tell them you've done their dinner, then fling a raw steak at the dog kennel... that should get the message across. |
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"Dear Auntie P,
There's someone I deal with regularly who I have to be nice to. Not just civil, nice. They're so horrible to me that I wish they'd suffocate on their own faecal matter.
Please advise.
Take them on a picnic.
In a field.
With raging bulls.
Oh, the "you" that's sat there waiting for them is simply a scarecrow. You can film the cow patty scream fest from the sidelines and make a few quid at their expense on you've been framed. Or as I like to call it at times.... "justice being served ya fucking cunt""
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"By saying I'm renouncing my sister, is she now renounced and I am an only child?
Where can I find a proper older sister?
2 for 1.... panic whinging...  "
Yep, she's officially orphan Annie
There are plenty of older sisters in nunneries and them kinds of places. I'm sure they'll welcome you with open arms.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Auntie p
How to I get taller. Heels are killing my feet can't do that anymore.
 "
Fuck getting taller, you chop peoples legs off at the knee to bring them down to earth.
Then every shop in every land will have to provide wheelie ladders and shopping will be a rollercoaster ride and such fun.
Insurance provided by the shops of course. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Afternoon Auntie P. 
I've just realised that the Birmingham social is next weekend and I have nothing to wear. Please can you advise me of what's best to pack for the weekend.
Jo.Xx "
Hazmat suit. Might be on lockdown by then anyway so every chance you'll only need a dressing gown as you won't be leaving your hotel room |
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"Auntie p
How to I get taller. Heels are killing my feet can't do that anymore.
Fuck getting taller, you chop peoples legs off at the knee to bring them down to earth.
Then every shop in every land will have to provide wheelie ladders and shopping will be a rollercoaster ride and such fun.
Insurance provided by the shops of course."
Thank you auntie p just getting out the chainsaw. So if anyone see little woman with chainsaw you it's me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie p
How to I get taller. Heels are killing my feet can't do that anymore.
Fuck getting taller, you chop peoples legs off at the knee to bring them down to earth.
Then every shop in every land will have to provide wheelie ladders and shopping will be a rollercoaster ride and such fun.
Insurance provided by the shops of course.
Thank you auntie p just getting out the chainsaw. So if anyone see little woman with chainsaw you it's me "
Excellent, I'm a smidge of a human anyway so my legs will remain firmly in tact |
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"Afternoon Auntie P.
I've just realised that the Birmingham social is next weekend and I have nothing to wear. Please can you advise me of what's best to pack for the weekend.
Jo.Xx
Hazmat suit. Might be on lockdown by then anyway so every chance you'll only need a dressing gown as you won't be leaving your hotel room "
I f*cking hope not.
Jo.Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Marjorie Proops...oops wrong site! Lol  "
Well you can take your major poops to the nearest bog ya filth bag.
Don't be soiling my thread with shite. Pfffft, what do you think this is? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not short but have to shop in the petite section for trousers. My body is defective. Who do I speak to about a refund?"
It's a hit you have to take unfortunately, with it being your lower half trouser area I'm afraid it's in your jeans |
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"I'm not short but have to shop in the petite section for trousers. My body is defective. Who do I speak to about a refund?
It's a hit you have to take unfortunately, with it being your lower half trouser area I'm afraid it's in your jeans "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I recently had sex with a very attractive woman.
I don't want any advice, I just want people to know
Fuck me, the kidney patient AGAIN? "
No, shes 'tasty coma wife' now.
His kidney operation did not go well! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Afternoon Auntie P.
I've just realised that the Birmingham social is next weekend and I have nothing to wear. Please can you advise me of what's best to pack for the weekend.
Jo.Xx
Hazmat suit. Might be on lockdown by then anyway so every chance you'll only need a dressing gown as you won't be leaving your hotel room
I f*cking hope not.
Jo.Xx "
Me too, I'm preparing for it tho. If work remains quiet I won't be able to afford to go coz I won't be making enough fundage.
May have to have a pre pre social lunch at my house instead |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I recently had sex with a very attractive woman.
I don't want any advice, I just want people to know
Fuck me, the kidney patient AGAIN?
No, shes 'tasty coma wife' now.
His kidney operation did not go well!"
Fabulous.
Hi kids..... I'm your new daddy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why does no one like me?"
Because you don't allow them to.
You don't like yourself very much and it shows.
People ARE fond of you though, I think they simply worry how their communication with you could cause more harm than good at times, and fear talking to you for that reason.
I think if you were more social you may meet some people who you get along with, though I can understand being hesitant to do so given your past experience.
Get a cat |
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"Afternoon Auntie P.
I've just realised that the Birmingham social is next weekend and I have nothing to wear. Please can you advise me of what's best to pack for the weekend.
Jo.Xx
Hazmat suit. Might be on lockdown by then anyway so every chance you'll only need a dressing gown as you won't be leaving your hotel room
I f*cking hope not.
Jo.Xx
Me too, I'm preparing for it tho. If work remains quiet I won't be able to afford to go coz I won't be making enough fundage.
May have to have a pre pre social lunch at my house instead "
Nooo, we're not travelling all that way and not getting to meet you.  (jokes I know it's not far)
Seriously though, we will have to sort something out.
Jo.Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Afternoon Auntie P.
I've just realised that the Birmingham social is next weekend and I have nothing to wear. Please can you advise me of what's best to pack for the weekend.
Jo.Xx
Hazmat suit. Might be on lockdown by then anyway so every chance you'll only need a dressing gown as you won't be leaving your hotel room
I f*cking hope not.
Jo.Xx
Me too, I'm preparing for it tho. If work remains quiet I won't be able to afford to go coz I won't be making enough fundage.
May have to have a pre pre social lunch at my house instead
Nooo, we're not travelling all that way and not getting to meet you. (jokes I know it's not far)
Seriously though, we will have to sort something out.
Jo.Xx "
Defo. Might need to start selling loo roll on the side to make ends meet. The scented stuff can go fuck itself tho, gives me dry vag. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Dear Auntie P
Today I have been spoiled with steak and french martinis. I am, however, now quite tiddly and am worried I'll a) fall asleep in the cinema this evening or b) send cringey messages aplenty. How do I sober up and be the refined, coy creature of my usual waking hours? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P
Today I have been spoiled with steak and french martinis. I am, however, now quite tiddly and am worried I'll a) fall asleep in the cinema this evening or b) send cringey messages aplenty. How do I sober up and be the refined, coy creature of my usual waking hours? "
As if I'm gonna tell you the answer!
Afternoon nap beaut.
Shit, I caved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why does no one like me?
Because you don't allow them to.
You don't like yourself very much and it shows.
People ARE fond of you though, I think they simply worry how their communication with you could cause more harm than good at times, and fear talking to you for that reason.
I think if you were more social you may meet some people who you get along with, though I can understand being hesitant to do so given your past experience.
Get a cat "
It was supposed to be a tongue in cheek question... I nearly went with "where do babies come from", but it seemed a little crass.
Since you clearly put some thought into your answer, though, thank you - I'm almost able to force myself to believe it. I just some of these "people" were a little less reticent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Auntie P
“Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.”
Can you advise on a good game as I am sick of using my hand? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why does no one like me?
Because you don't allow them to.
You don't like yourself very much and it shows.
People ARE fond of you though, I think they simply worry how their communication with you could cause more harm than good at times, and fear talking to you for that reason.
I think if you were more social you may meet some people who you get along with, though I can understand being hesitant to do so given your past experience.
Get a cat
It was supposed to be a tongue in cheek question... I nearly went with "where do babies come from", but it seemed a little crass.
Since you clearly put some thought into your answer, though, thank you - I'm almost able to force myself to believe it. I just some of these "people" were a little less reticent."
Tongue in cheek you say?
In that case, the real reason is we all know that you're a bigger pervo than the creepy dude off The Big Bang Theory, except he has better dress sense than you. Add to that that you live in a shed on the edge of what was the West residence on Cromwell Street, it's too much for even Jack the Rippers brain to compute |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P
“Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.”
Can you advise on a good game as I am sick of using my hand? "
Elefun, get yer trunk out and give it some action
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P,
I'm grouchy and people keep pissing me off. Can I slap them all please? "
Yes, as long as you do it with a shovel and REALLY give it some welly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Auntie P,
I'm grouchy and people keep pissing me off. Can I slap them all please?
Yes, as long as you do it with a shovel and REALLY give it some welly "
Perfect! Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why does no one like me?
Because you don't allow them to.
You don't like yourself very much and it shows.
People ARE fond of you though, I think they simply worry how their communication with you could cause more harm than good at times, and fear talking to you for that reason.
I think if you were more social you may meet some people who you get along with, though I can understand being hesitant to do so given your past experience.
Get a cat
It was supposed to be a tongue in cheek question... I nearly went with "where do babies come from", but it seemed a little crass.
Since you clearly put some thought into your answer, though, thank you - I'm almost able to force myself to believe it. I just some of these "people" were a little less reticent.
Tongue in cheek you say?
In that case, the real reason is we all know that you're a bigger pervo than the creepy dude off The Big Bang Theory, except he has better dress sense than you. Add to that that you live in a shed on the edge of what was the West residence on Cromwell Street, it's too much for even Jack the Rippers brain to compute "
And there was me trying to be grateful... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why does no one like me?
Because you don't allow them to.
You don't like yourself very much and it shows.
People ARE fond of you though, I think they simply worry how their communication with you could cause more harm than good at times, and fear talking to you for that reason.
I think if you were more social you may meet some people who you get along with, though I can understand being hesitant to do so given your past experience.
Get a cat
It was supposed to be a tongue in cheek question... I nearly went with "where do babies come from", but it seemed a little crass.
Since you clearly put some thought into your answer, though, thank you - I'm almost able to force myself to believe it. I just some of these "people" were a little less reticent.
Tongue in cheek you say?
In that case, the real reason is we all know that you're a bigger pervo than the creepy dude off The Big Bang Theory, except he has better dress sense than you. Add to that that you live in a shed on the edge of what was the West residence on Cromwell Street, it's too much for even Jack the Rippers brain to compute
And there was me trying to be grateful..."
I know you were, and I also appreciated I jumped to the conclusion you were having a down day and although I responded from the heart, I didn't respond in the same way I did the others on the thread, and that was wrong of me.
So I rectified that. 2 for the price of 1.
|
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"Seeing as there's lots of glum bum threads I'm going to add another.
What's cooking in your bunny boiler?
Do you need some WD40 to grind your gears?
As per, any advice taken is done so at your own risk and no responsibility will be taken by Auntie P for your own stupidity.
Own your own plankness.... ya plank "
Should I thread or wax? And also, will I ever find spare car key? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Seeing as there's lots of glum bum threads I'm going to add another.
What's cooking in your bunny boiler?
Do you need some WD40 to grind your gears?
As per, any advice taken is done so at your own risk and no responsibility will be taken by Auntie P for your own stupidity.
Own your own plankness.... ya plank
Should I thread or wax? And also, will I ever find spare car key?"
You should thrax.
Course you'll find it..... The day after you scrap the car or get a new key cut.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why does no one like me?
Because you don't allow them to.
You don't like yourself very much and it shows.
People ARE fond of you though, I think they simply worry how their communication with you could cause more harm than good at times, and fear talking to you for that reason.
I think if you were more social you may meet some people who you get along with, though I can understand being hesitant to do so given your past experience.
Get a cat
It was supposed to be a tongue in cheek question... I nearly went with "where do babies come from", but it seemed a little crass.
Since you clearly put some thought into your answer, though, thank you - I'm almost able to force myself to believe it. I just some of these "people" were a little less reticent.
Tongue in cheek you say?
In that case, the real reason is we all know that you're a bigger pervo than the creepy dude off The Big Bang Theory, except he has better dress sense than you. Add to that that you live in a shed on the edge of what was the West residence on Cromwell Street, it's too much for even Jack the Rippers brain to compute
And there was me trying to be grateful...
I know you were, and I also appreciated I jumped to the conclusion you were having a down day and although I responded from the heart, I didn't respond in the same way I did the others on the thread, and that was wrong of me.
So I rectified that. 2 for the price of 1.
"
Your response was nothing but the truth, and I was having a down day. Your reply caught me by surprise because of how out of kilter it was with the rest of the thread, but it was greaty appreciated. |
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Dear Aunty P
I bought a new dress for a fancy party that cost me £160!! Now the party has been cancelled 
Can I eat my Lindt Bunny now?? Since I don’t need to squeeze in it!!
Loss a love muma prickley c**t xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why does no one like me?
Because you don't allow them to.
You don't like yourself very much and it shows.
People ARE fond of you though, I think they simply worry how their communication with you could cause more harm than good at times, and fear talking to you for that reason.
I think if you were more social you may meet some people who you get along with, though I can understand being hesitant to do so given your past experience.
Get a cat
It was supposed to be a tongue in cheek question... I nearly went with "where do babies come from", but it seemed a little crass.
Since you clearly put some thought into your answer, though, thank you - I'm almost able to force myself to believe it. I just some of these "people" were a little less reticent.
Tongue in cheek you say?
In that case, the real reason is we all know that you're a bigger pervo than the creepy dude off The Big Bang Theory, except he has better dress sense than you. Add to that that you live in a shed on the edge of what was the West residence on Cromwell Street, it's too much for even Jack the Rippers brain to compute
And there was me trying to be grateful...
I know you were, and I also appreciated I jumped to the conclusion you were having a down day and although I responded from the heart, I didn't respond in the same way I did the others on the thread, and that was wrong of me.
So I rectified that. 2 for the price of 1.
Your response was nothing but the truth, and I was having a down day. Your reply caught me by surprise because of how out of kilter it was with the rest of the thread, but it was greaty appreciated. "
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P,
I am a very healthy eater but i've just downed a bar of chocolate, a pack of jaffa cakes and some breakaways in a sickening sugary binge......
Will my shit be sweeter ?"
Hmmm? Chuck it out the window and see what animal runs off with it first. If it's an army of ants hoisting it up onto their shoulders and carting it off like the crown jewels of insect land then you can guarantee that bog log is a sugary sensation of shit |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Aunty P
I bought a new dress for a fancy party that cost me £160!! Now the party has been cancelled
Can I eat my Lindt Bunny now?? Since I don’t need to squeeze in it!!
Loss a love muma prickley c**t xx "
You send that fucking dress back, get a refund and purchase £160 worth of chocolate bunnies.
I heard on the grapevine G-Crumps has a shit load of chocolate for sale |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Dear Auntie P
I’ve got the worst cough ever, my head is banging and I ache all over. Nobody seems to give a shit coz I’ve not been out of the country for the past 2 weeks.
Nora x
Ps anyone fancy a meet? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P
I’ve got the worst cough ever, my head is banging and I ache all over. Nobody seems to give a shit coz I’ve not been out of the country for the past 2 weeks.
Nora x
Ps anyone fancy a meet? "
Psssst they don't give a shit coz they don't care, got fuck all to do with leaving our shores. Bunch of cunts.
Anywhoooo, I'll send you a bunch of grapes, an old porn magazine and some glucose tablets. Chuck all of them in the bath with you to make a fruity floaty spa of zen. You'll feel better in the same amount of time it would take anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P
I’ve got the worst cough ever, my head is banging and I ache all over. Nobody seems to give a shit coz I’ve not been out of the country for the past 2 weeks.
Nora x
Ps anyone fancy a meet?
Psssst they don't give a shit coz they don't care, got fuck all to do with leaving our shores. Bunch of cunts.
Anywhoooo, I'll send you a bunch of grapes, an old porn magazine and some glucose tablets. Chuck all of them in the bath with you to make a fruity floaty spa of zen. You'll feel better in the same amount of time it would take anyway. "
. Thank you so much.
Ps. I did wash my hands to the tune of happy birthday before I wrote this message so you’re safe x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...? "
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P
I’ve got the worst cough ever, my head is banging and I ache all over. Nobody seems to give a shit coz I’ve not been out of the country for the past 2 weeks.
Nora x
Ps anyone fancy a meet?
Psssst they don't give a shit coz they don't care, got fuck all to do with leaving our shores. Bunch of cunts.
Anywhoooo, I'll send you a bunch of grapes, an old porn magazine and some glucose tablets. Chuck all of them in the bath with you to make a fruity floaty spa of zen. You'll feel better in the same amount of time it would take anyway.
. Thank you so much.
Ps. I did wash my hands to the tune of happy birthday before I wrote this message so you’re safe x "
Banging! I've got a box of 8 donuts, 4 Cinnamon buns and a festive slice from Gregg's. My day just upped it's game |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies "
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?"
You've never seen Noonoo have you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?"
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell |
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By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell "
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter. |
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"Seeing as there's lots of glum bum threads I'm going to add another.
What's cooking in your bunny boiler?
Do you need some WD40 to grind your gears?
As per, any advice taken is done so at your own risk and no responsibility will be taken by Auntie P for your own stupidity.
Own your own plankness.... ya plank
Should I thread or wax? And also, will I ever find spare car key?
You should thrax.
Course you'll find it..... The day after you scrap the car or get a new key cut.
"
A very likely scenario.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter. "
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny |
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By *man79Man
over a year ago
newry dundalk. warrenpoint |
"Seeing as there's lots of glum bum threads I'm going to add another.
What's cooking in your bunny boiler?
Do you need some WD40 to grind your gears?
As per, any advice taken is done so at your own risk and no responsibility will be taken by Auntie P for your own stupidity.
Own your own plankness.... ya plank "
Dear auntie P.
As a single guy How would I go about getting a meet on fab? |
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"Dear Aunty P
I bought a new dress for a fancy party that cost me £160!! Now the party has been cancelled
Can I eat my Lindt Bunny now?? Since I don’t need to squeeze in it!!
Loss a love muma prickley c**t xx
You send that fucking dress back, get a refund and purchase £160 worth of chocolate bunnies.
I heard on the grapevine G-Crumps has a shit load of chocolate for sale "
The dress is going back!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Seeing as there's lots of glum bum threads I'm going to add another.
What's cooking in your bunny boiler?
Do you need some WD40 to grind your gears?
As per, any advice taken is done so at your own risk and no responsibility will be taken by Auntie P for your own stupidity.
Own your own plankness.... ya plank
Dear auntie P.
As a single guy How would I go about getting a meet on fab?"
Look in the mirror and ask yourself Mr 100 verification man.
Pfffft.
Fucking timewasters I got real problems to solve like sugary shit and Hoover pipe rectums. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just bought a new dress, it's so lush.
Do I risk it and go out in it ?? Really don't want to get cum on it !!
Your advice will be appreciated xx "
You avin a bubble? You do not. No.
You have gorgeous dresses and anyone who slimes them needs a smack up the noggin with a bible. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Aunty P
I bought a new dress for a fancy party that cost me £160!! Now the party has been cancelled
Can I eat my Lindt Bunny now?? Since I don’t need to squeeze in it!!
Loss a love muma prickley c**t xx
You send that fucking dress back, get a refund and purchase £160 worth of chocolate bunnies.
I heard on the grapevine G-Crumps has a shit load of chocolate for sale
The dress is going back!!"
What size is it? I'll have it off ya for a Cinnamon bun |
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By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny"
If we're talking Allo Allo...
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
"
I Weel only say zeez once. |
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|
By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
I Weel only say zeez once. "
I just came.
Done Dusted Result! |
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By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago
norwich |
"Just bought a new dress, it's so lush.
Do I risk it and go out in it ?? Really don't want to get cum on it !!
Your advice will be appreciated xx
You avin a bubble? You do not. No.
You have gorgeous dresses and anyone who slimes them needs a smack up the noggin with a bible."
Arrr, that's so sweet, I LOVE my pretty dresses (and you looked!!!), your advice has been taken xxx xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
I Weel only say zeez once.
I just came.
Done Dusted Result! "
Yes.. but I'm still waiting for the fire brigade and this pipe is bloody drafty...plus my Hampster keeps catching my eye and it's unnerving |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
I Weel only say zeez once.
I just came.
Done Dusted Result! "
You styewpid womahn!
I can do this too.
B |
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By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
I Weel only say zeez once.
I just came.
Done Dusted Result!
Yes.. but I'm still waiting for the fire brigade and this pipe is bloody drafty...plus my Hampster keeps catching my eye and it's unnerving "
You will go blind! |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
I Weel only say zeez once.
I just came.
Done Dusted Result!
Yes.. but I'm still waiting for the fire brigade and this pipe is bloody drafty...plus my Hampster keeps catching my eye and it's unnerving
You will go blind! "
And now you tell me your a Doctor.... |
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|
By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
I Weel only say zeez once.
I just came.
Done Dusted Result!
Yes.. but I'm still waiting for the fire brigade and this pipe is bloody drafty...plus my Hampster keeps catching my eye and it's unnerving
You will go blind!
And now you tell me your a Doctor...."
You can just call me Seduced |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just bought a new dress, it's so lush.
Do I risk it and go out in it ?? Really don't want to get cum on it !!
Your advice will be appreciated xx
You avin a bubble? You do not. No.
You have gorgeous dresses and anyone who slimes them needs a smack up the noggin with a bible.
Arrr, that's so sweet, I LOVE my pretty dresses (and you looked!!!), your advice has been taken xxx xxx "
Course I looked, I'm rather envious of your dress collection |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
I Weel only say zeez once.
I just came.
Done Dusted Result!
Yes.. but I'm still waiting for the fire brigade and this pipe is bloody drafty...plus my Hampster keeps catching my eye and it's unnerving
You will go blind!
And now you tell me your a Doctor....
You can just call me Seduced "
As in Dr _educed ? ...ah ok good the fire men are here. Once they stop laughing they are going to pull the pipe out... |
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|
By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm sitting ag home with a hoover pipe jammed up my bum...I need to go to A&E but can't drive
Shall I call an ambulance or the fire brigade. Do you think they will believe me that I was coming down stairs after a shower to answear the phone and tripped, fell on the hoover pipe by accident or will they think I'm a perv who likes sticking things up my arse...?
You gotta crawl to A&E on your hands and knees I'm afraid and tell them you were replying to a casting call to be the next Noonoo in the new series of Tellytubbies
Shall I mention the hoover pipe ?
You've never seen Noonoo have you?
Ok confession time. I only vaughly know who the Tellytubbies are ? I was a bad dad who spent more time at work or clubs/ casinos / horse racing/ dog track / titty bars / pubs/ shagging the girls from work/ shagging my secretary/ shagging clients/ shagging the girls from the titty bar....oh God...Auntie P am I going to hell
Yes! See you there.
Psst I am an imposter.
Ok this is going to sound cheesy but if your there, I don't mind going...
Im really sorry I find mid 80s humour funny
If we're talking Allo Allo...
I Weel only say zeez once.
I just came.
Done Dusted Result!
Yes.. but I'm still waiting for the fire brigade and this pipe is bloody drafty...plus my Hampster keeps catching my eye and it's unnerving
You will go blind!
And now you tell me your a Doctor....
You can just call me Seduced
As in Dr _educed ? ...ah ok good the fire men are here. Once they stop laughing they are going to pull the pipe out... "
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose...
Pull that pipe!
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend"
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact |
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"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact "
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?"
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks. |
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"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks."
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks.
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended "
I thought you'd never ask! Yes, I want to look after the wine monkeys. I'll pop little hats on them, and trousers and little tiny cravats 
I'll do such a good job. I'll even teach them who to fling poo at.
|
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"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks.
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended
I thought you'd never ask! Yes, I want to look after the wine monkeys. I'll pop little hats on them, and trousers and little tiny cravats
I'll do such a good job. I'll even teach them who to fling poo at.
"
Ah... now I do the poop training ... it's a fine art ... the monkey cigars have to be softly rolled on the thighs of the female monkeys |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks.
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended
I thought you'd never ask! Yes, I want to look after the wine monkeys. I'll pop little hats on them, and trousers and little tiny cravats
I'll do such a good job. I'll even teach them who to fling poo at.
Ah... now I do the poop training ... it's a fine art ... the monkey cigars have to be softly rolled on the thighs of the female monkeys"
That's my bubble fucking burst. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P
I’m trying to study quantum physics but work keeps getting in the way and making me stop, can I quit "
You're the master of your own destiny. Ask Mystic Meg.
Which reminds me, I really need to fill in my circus act application |
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"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks.
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended
I thought you'd never ask! Yes, I want to look after the wine monkeys. I'll pop little hats on them, and trousers and little tiny cravats
I'll do such a good job. I'll even teach them who to fling poo at.
Ah... now I do the poop training ... it's a fine art ... the monkey cigars have to be softly rolled on the thighs of the female monkeys
That's my bubble fucking burst."
But we could cross them with giant fruit bats ... flying monkeys for an aerial poop assault ...
Fly my beauties.... fly |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks.
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended
I thought you'd never ask! Yes, I want to look after the wine monkeys. I'll pop little hats on them, and trousers and little tiny cravats
I'll do such a good job. I'll even teach them who to fling poo at.
Ah... now I do the poop training ... it's a fine art ... the monkey cigars have to be softly rolled on the thighs of the female monkeys
That's my bubble fucking burst.
But we could cross them with giant fruit bats ... flying monkeys for an aerial poop assault ...
Fly my beauties.... fly"
Oh hush now....
the pull is too....strong.....
LET'S DO THIS |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks.
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended
I thought you'd never ask! Yes, I want to look after the wine monkeys. I'll pop little hats on them, and trousers and little tiny cravats
I'll do such a good job. I'll even teach them who to fling poo at.
Ah... now I do the poop training ... it's a fine art ... the monkey cigars have to be softly rolled on the thighs of the female monkeys
That's my bubble fucking burst.
But we could cross them with giant fruit bats ... flying monkeys for an aerial poop assault ...
Fly my beauties.... fly
Oh hush now....
the pull is too....strong.....
LET'S DO THIS "
It has legs ... and wings in fact
And Red wine
Winner |
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or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks.
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended
I thought you'd never ask! Yes, I want to look after the wine monkeys. I'll pop little hats on them, and trousers and little tiny cravats
I'll do such a good job. I'll even teach them who to fling poo at.
Ah... now I do the poop training ... it's a fine art ... the monkey cigars have to be softly rolled on the thighs of the female monkeys
That's my bubble fucking burst.
But we could cross them with giant fruit bats ... flying monkeys for an aerial poop assault ...
Fly my beauties.... fly
Oh hush now....
the pull is too....strong.....
LET'S DO THIS
It has legs ... and wings in fact
And Red wine
Winner"
Chicken fucking dinner
https://youtu.be/zXt56MB-3vc
Flying monkey aunt ready for duty! Just need to get their clothes made and embroidered. They're all gonna have their initials stitched into their cravats |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Auntie P
How can I keep a troop of trained monkey som_eliers and not have to contribute into their pension pots?
Asking for a friend
*chortle*
Well it goes a little something like this.
You build them a lovely annexe, complete with gym and jacuzzi. Then..... you introduce them to their new Auntie who will love them so much and cuddle them and tickle them and snuggle them at night, pick the little insects off them and all of the other things monkey aunts do, that they'll forget all about their pension coz they're just so full of love. Bursting in fact
Thanks Auntie P ... sounds good
Next though, where can I find these monkey aunts ...
And where can I keep my pheasants?
Here here here here duck duck goose ME! Don't make me beg to me monkey aunt that's just cruel
The pheasants just sit round the pool with the peacocks.
Hmmm auntie p ... do ... do you want to aunt my troop?
No innuendo or euphemism intended
I thought you'd never ask! Yes, I want to look after the wine monkeys. I'll pop little hats on them, and trousers and little tiny cravats
I'll do such a good job. I'll even teach them who to fling poo at.
Ah... now I do the poop training ... it's a fine art ... the monkey cigars have to be softly rolled on the thighs of the female monkeys
That's my bubble fucking burst.
But we could cross them with giant fruit bats ... flying monkeys for an aerial poop assault ...
Fly my beauties.... fly
Oh hush now....
the pull is too....strong.....
LET'S DO THIS
It has legs ... and wings in fact
And Red wine
Winner
Chicken fucking dinner
https://youtu.be/zXt56MB-3vc
Flying monkey aunt ready for duty! Just need to get their clothes made and embroidered. They're all gonna have their initials stitched into their cravats "
Respect Auntie P |
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