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Confidence hit
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
I have, and occasionally still do, struggled with this.
I really believe its a case of try not to over think it. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
Is this someone specific, or do you mean in general? If it is someone specific, have you asked them?
I don't know about you but I like people of all shapes and sizes, what attracts me to someone is just something I can't explain. I imagine men are probably similar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this someone specific, or do you mean in general? If it is someone specific, have you asked them?
I don't know about you but I like people of all shapes and sizes, what attracts me to someone is just something I can't explain. I imagine men are probably similar. "
This really.
We often judge ourselves much more harshly than others do. |
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"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
I feel the same all the time, I just persevere and hope for the best. |
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"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
His opinion of you is obviously higher than your own . |
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"Is this someone specific, or do you mean in general? If it is someone specific, have you asked them?
I don't know about you but I like people of all shapes and sizes, what attracts me to someone is just something I can't explain. I imagine men are probably similar.
This really.
We often judge ourselves much more harshly than others do. "
Very true.... Do believe in yourself.....!! |
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90% of blokes will cheerfully shag 90% of women because they fancy 90% of women.
That's one of the things you often see women failing to understand about men. Just because a bloke has previously shagged some 25 year old size ten doesn't mean he won't also fancy a 45 year old size 16.
Long story short, most men are not selective. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this someone specific, or do you mean in general? If it is someone specific, have you asked them?
I don't know about you but I like people of all shapes and sizes, what attracts me to someone is just something I can't explain. I imagine men are probably similar. "
Absolute agree with this. I don’t fully know what it is that attracts me to someone. I think it is if they make me feel warm, welcoming and easygoing. Thats just a few. But as others have said there are varying likes and dislikes.
I read a facebook post once, and although not a quote from Socrates or Aristotle, it was very relevant. It said “Do you talk to others the way you talk to yourself?”
After reading this I would reflect when things are going wrong and I find I’d be saying in my head “what a fucking idiot. Another sloppy mistake. When are you going to start getting it right” etc. Even when I look in the mirror. Why is it notice the bits I dislike the most. But when I see someone on fab those same hips and thick thighs look lovely.
I don’t have the answers but I think self-love is very important |
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One of the things that people find attractive is confidence. When we are down on ourselves, or question how or why someone doesn't like us in the way we desire, we take a confidence hit.
Conversely there are some people that "prey" on someones lack of confidence to get the things they want and leave us empty when they have what they desire.
I guess what I am trying to say is, don't worry about whether someone finds you attractive or not, you cannot be either physically or personally to everyones tastes. Generate confidence within yourself by liking who YOU are. Dismiss those that seek your weaknesses and encourage those that admire your strengths.
Learn to love yourself first, as Rumi says "your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talking purely aesthetic. Once you’ve had women with, what you consider as, the ‘best figure ever’ or what you always wanted, you find that variety really is the spice of life so it might be the charm or character resonating from your profile that could draw a guy in. Its not always about physical features.
You’ll also get a minority that will see easy prey & think more sordidly about what they can get away with, lots of manipulators out there...from both sexes.
Ask questions & study the responses, don’t let your imagination take you to places you don’t need to be 
Good question OP! |
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I think this happens to most of us, but with the ratio of men to women on here, then I should imagine, guys think this more often, as there are very very few women that chase the guys and once you’ve got to 55 it’s time to forget being let down and just accept it gets harder .. lol ... but just looked at yr pics op and that’s all I have to go on and tbh I can’t understand why u ain’t in un dated with requests to play  |
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Attraction is a very personal and unique thing. Different people are attracted to different things and the things that people are attracted to can be fluid too. Someone may seem really attractive (or unattractive) when you first see them, but then they talk or walk or smile and your perception can change instantly.
There is nothing less black & white in life than human attraction.
Cal |
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Self confidence is soooo hard to attain. Trusting in what others think about you is sooo difficult.
People are attracted by many many things. I have to have a connection with someone. Appearance is only a small part of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I read a facebook post once, and although not a quote from Socrates or Aristotle, it was very relevant. It said “Do you talk to others the way you talk to yourself?” "
More than likely a Greek  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's really not about looks in the real world, it's compatability, chemistry, meeting of souls.
Fab is a different world where its unfortunately about initial looks and to hell with the spark. You have to be tough on here, especially if you're insecure about your looks.
Ive had to give my head a good wobble on here in the past. In the real world, I'm always being told I'm good looking, and have no trouble attracting people. On here it's the total opposite. And that's just how it is. Everybody has different perceptions of what is attractive. One person's view of good looking is another's not so good looking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Confidence is definitely a state of mind... I imagine pulling on a confidence cape when I need to.
It also starts with liking yourself.. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself daily, that you are capable and that you are enough. Also tell yourself that you love yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"90% of blokes will cheerfully shag 90% of women because they fancy 90% of women.
That's one of the things you often see women failing to understand about men. Just because a bloke has previously shagged some 25 year old size ten doesn't mean he won't also fancy a 45 year old size 16.
Long story short, most men are not selective. "
I know this. I just don’t see why I would be selected if they can have perfection. |
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"90% of blokes will cheerfully shag 90% of women because they fancy 90% of women.
That's one of the things you often see women failing to understand about men. Just because a bloke has previously shagged some 25 year old size ten doesn't mean he won't also fancy a 45 year old size 16.
Long story short, most men are not selective.
I know this. I just don’t see why I would be selected if they can have perfection. "
The same reason why there is more than one flavour of ice-cream |
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I've been swinging for over 10 years now, and seen it all.
Honestly??
In the swing scene, most, not all guys will tell you anything they think you want to hear, to get into your knickers.
Most, not all guys will straight out lie to you.
It's really down to you and your intuition to them out.
As long as you have confidence in yourself, and keep a clear perspective of what's 'real' and what's 'bulls**t' then you'll be fine.
That and frequent breaks from it, will keep you sane lol. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"90% of blokes will cheerfully shag 90% of women because they fancy 90% of women.
That's one of the things you often see women failing to understand about men. Just because a bloke has previously shagged some 25 year old size ten doesn't mean he won't also fancy a 45 year old size 16.
Long story short, most men are not selective.
I know this. I just don’t see why I would be selected if they can have perfection.
The same reason why there is more than one flavour of ice-cream"
|
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"90% of blokes will cheerfully shag 90% of women because they fancy 90% of women.
That's one of the things you often see women failing to understand about men. Just because a bloke has previously shagged some 25 year old size ten doesn't mean he won't also fancy a 45 year old size 16.
Long story short, most men are not selective.
I know this. I just don’t see why I would be selected if they can have perfection. "
Some men don't want perfection, they are more realistic and like the flaws of our bodies! It takes time finding nice guys who can look past the scars etc but in the meantime be kind to yourself OP |
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"90% of blokes will cheerfully shag 90% of women because they fancy 90% of women.
That's one of the things you often see women failing to understand about men. Just because a bloke has previously shagged some 25 year old size ten doesn't mean he won't also fancy a 45 year old size 16.
Long story short, most men are not selective.
I know this. I just don’t see why I would be selected if they can have perfection.
The same reason why there is more than one flavour of ice-cream"
Exactly. Blokes like variety. If there's a woman available willing to shag them, nine times out of ten they will, whatever she looks like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been swinging for over 10 years now, and seen it all.
Honestly??
In the swing scene, most, not all guys will tell you anything they think you want to hear, to get into your knickers.
Most, not all guys will straight out lie to you.
It's really down to you and your intuition to them out.
As long as you have confidence in yourself, and keep a clear perspective of what's 'real' and what's 'bulls**t' then you'll be fine.
That and frequent breaks from it, will keep you sane lol."
What do you want to hear  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I appreciate the responses. I know that my feelings are illogical and that people like different things and what not. I just don’t know how to look someone in the face when I know that they play with, or their preference is, people who are far more beautiful than I, with lovely proportions and everything that a person could want. I feel like I’m a step down. I know it’s silly and I shouldn’t think like that.
Idk. Maybe I just need a good cry. |
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"I've been swinging for over 10 years now, and seen it all.
Honestly??
In the swing scene, most, not all guys will tell you anything they think you want to hear, to get into your knickers.
Most, not all guys will straight out lie to you.
It's really down to you and your intuition to them out.
As long as you have confidence in yourself, and keep a clear perspective of what's 'real' and what's 'bulls**t' then you'll be fine.
That and frequent breaks from it, will keep you sane lol.
What do you want to hear "
The truth is always a good place to start.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've been swinging for over 10 years now, and seen it all.
Honestly??
In the swing scene, most, not all guys will tell you anything they think you want to hear, to get into your knickers.
Most, not all guys will straight out lie to you.
It's really down to you and your intuition to them out.
As long as you have confidence in yourself, and keep a clear perspective of what's 'real' and what's 'bulls**t' then you'll be fine.
That and frequent breaks from it, will keep you sane lol.
What do you want to hear
The truth is always a good place to start. "
Ahh fuck lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
we are all different shapes and sizes here also confidence levels come on all levels but theirs someone for everyone here, your pics show you to have a lovely figure just enjoy the attention, do socials to gauge personalities and enjoy your experience here if you don't enjoy it dont stay |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
The other thing to remember OP is you're basing a lot of what you think on your own perceptions, not necessarily reality.
Self-perception for one, which is always a tough one to crack if you have a negative view of yourself.
Perception that the type of women a guy has been with are somehow "better" when you don't actually know them, and may not even have seen pics of them, or know the first thing about them to actually *know* that is the case.
So acceptance that people find you attractive "for you" is the first step in gaining that confidence, which is not easy when as you say there are those who will tell you that as a means of getting into your knickers - so you have to develop a BS detector to an extent, and develop ways of spotting the genuine compliments against the false ones - one way of doing that is by taking your time getting to know people before agreeing to meet. |
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"I've been swinging for over 10 years now, and seen it all.
Honestly??
In the swing scene, most, not all guys will tell you anything they think you want to hear, to get into your knickers.
Most, not all guys will straight out lie to you.
It's really down to you and your intuition to them out.
As long as you have confidence in yourself, and keep a clear perspective of what's 'real' and what's 'bulls**t' then you'll be fine.
That and frequent breaks from it, will keep you sane lol.
What do you want to hear
The truth is always a good place to start. "
Don’t see the point in lying or bullshiting |
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Many people lack self-confidence and Fab can be both a positive and negative influence.
Nothing we say will change ths way you feel, you have to learn to at accept that men do find you attractive, you don't need to understand why.
Yes, some men will shag anyone but most won't get an erection if they don't fancy you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
We are and always will be our worse critics what you see and feel in yourself others will see differently. I too know this feeling but if you keep putting yourself down your only going to start believing in your own words that your not good enough, they're out of your league etc etc when simply that is not true I have met guys who keep in shape who are genuinely down to earth and humble. We cant just judge on appearance only to understand how the mind works. Attraction is attraction and sometimes we just have to accept that someone we would think wouldnt take interest actually does hope this helps as I truly know how you feel |
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"The other thing to remember OP is you're basing a lot of what you think on your own perceptions, not necessarily reality.
Self-perception for one, which is always a tough one to crack if you have a negative view of yourself.
Perception that the type of women a guy has been with are somehow "better" when you don't actually know them, and may not even have seen pics of them, or know the first thing about them to actually *know* that is the case.
So acceptance that people find you attractive "for you" is the first step in gaining that confidence, which is not easy when as you say there are those who will tell you that as a means of getting into your knickers - so you have to develop a BS detector to an extent, and develop ways of spotting the genuine compliments against the false ones - one way of doing that is by taking your time getting to know people before agreeing to meet."
But surely, by definition, if a bloke is trying to get into a woman's knickers, he must find her attractive.
I can see why you'd need to filter out the crap if you are looking for something long term, but if all you are worried about is whether a bloke finds you attractive, the mere fact he is trying to have sex with you shows that he does. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this someone specific, or do you mean in general? If it is someone specific, have you asked them?
I don't know about you but I like people of all shapes and sizes, what attracts me to someone is just something I can't explain. I imagine men are probably similar.
Absolute agree with this. I don’t fully know what it is that attracts me to someone. I think it is if they make me feel warm, welcoming and easygoing. Thats just a few. But as others have said there are varying likes and dislikes.
I read a facebook post once, and although not a quote from Socrates or Aristotle, it was very relevant. It said “Do you talk to others the way you talk to yourself?”
After reading this I would reflect when things are going wrong and I find I’d be saying in my head “what a fucking idiot. Another sloppy mistake. When are you going to start getting it right” etc. Even when I look in the mirror. Why is it notice the bits I dislike the most. But when I see someone on fab those same hips and thick thighs look lovely.
I don’t have the answers but I think self-love is very important "
Nailed it mate. Start with self love. Then everything else would come into perspective. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"90% of blokes will cheerfully shag 90% of women because they fancy 90% of women.
That's one of the things you often see women failing to understand about men. Just because a bloke has previously shagged some 25 year old size ten doesn't mean he won't also fancy a 45 year old size 16.
Long story short, most men are not selective.
I know this. I just don’t see why I would be selected if they can have perfection. "
What do you think is perfection in your mind, might not be for others..
We all (Men & Women) have different tastes and opinions.
Learning and accepting ourselves is the best vote of confidence we can attain. I know that my curves imperfections don't please most, but oohh well I'm so much more then a body
Worry in trust n love yourself 1st and only then with the others.. xx |
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Life is like a ladder to heaven.
You envy the ones at the top. A place that you would like to be.
They at the top in your mind, are beautiful and wealthy. And you want to be at the top with them.
You want people to take notice of you being half way up the ladder.
Have compassion for the ones bellow you, at the bottom.
Do not envy. Just be happy that there are a lot more people less fortunate than yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hear what you're saying OP but it's very much a case of the subjective nature of physical attraction. I find it difficult to believe that every man that exists would find you so unattractive. I feel this exists only in your own mind and besides, with such a brilliantly written profile text, surely looks would be secondary. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hear what you're saying OP but it's very much a case of the subjective nature of physical attraction. I find it difficult to believe that every man that exists would find you so unattractive. I feel this exists only in your own mind and besides, with such a brilliantly written profile text, surely looks would be secondary. "
Might be time for my period. Probably why I’m feeling so sensitive. Idk.
Thanks everyone. Appreciated. |
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"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
There is nothing anyone can say that will help you as you don't think you're "worthy" so why would anyone else?
I understand a bit as I had relationship issues, female friends included, as I had parents that did little to encourage or boost my confidence whilst highlighting my "flaws". It made me question why people would like me if my parents didn't.
The obvious love of my first husband made me realise I was worthy. Even though we divorced, I left him, I'd learnt along the way that I am pretty awesome.
My current partner looks like a cross between Jason Statham and Bruce Willis. He's Dutch and used to dating leggy Scandinavian blondes. I'm more Diane Abbott than Halle Berry but after meeting on here six years ago we're still going strong.
You have to believe in you...in a nutshell.
Good luck! |
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"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
You've only been in here for 9 weeks, and have had 5 meets, the last one being 2 weeks ago, so 5 meets in 7 weeks is an amazing average considering most blokes in here won't get one meet in a year, so you're not doing too badly lol! Whatever you feel you're not doing, just continue with what you are doing, as it seems to be working pretty well so far....?  |
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If we gauge our attractiveness from comparisons with others, we're probably going to be missing what the reality of attraction truly is. We're also likely to be faced with a constant stream of us making negative judgements about ourself. (We can do without that, for the rest of our lives).
We know what we like and find attractive in prospective partners but don't get to be inside someone's mind, to fully grasp their raw attraction to us. Whilst there are many beliefs that exist in our society about how someone who's attractive looks, these are distorted and based on a lot of ignorance.
It's a great habit to not compare ourselves to others, where we are possibly going to think and feel negatively as a result. Much better to cultivate a habit of appreciating our uniqueness. Others will do this about us.
Men here often say some things that they think we may want to hear and that could get them inside of our underwear. It's better to translate much of it to meaning that they simply find us attractive.
If we're prepared to meet them and gauge how they respond and satisfy us sexually, it potentially doesn't need to be more complicated than this. If there's mutual interest and satisfaction, don't over-think it.
I have occasionally thought that perhaps some of my lovers from fab really wanted someone who was fully born as the gender that they wanted - bigger this, perhaps more natural that or seemingly someone who fully had the 'other', etc. They chose and got me - they were lucky. I can't, nor want, to be someone else. I'm bog standard.
Hope you can find your experience here more peaceful and satisfying op
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"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
I actually feel the same as you but know that it doesn't matter what anyone says,I won't believe them anyway,so the problems my own and nobody else can help.
On the plus side ,I think the text in your profile is awesome, if you can believe in what you say more and not give a fuck about anyone elses opinion then it will help!
Let me know if you find the answers you are looking for |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
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But surely, by definition, if a bloke is trying to get into a woman's knickers, he must find her attractive.
I can see why you'd need to filter out the crap if you are looking for something long term, but if all you are worried about is whether a bloke finds you attractive, the mere fact he is trying to have sex with you shows that he does. "
Outside of Fab and t'internet I'd agree with you - but the number of messages received by a woman with no pictures, or ones that show very little at all, somewhat belies that when it comes to Fab etc |
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"Confidence is definitely a state of mind... I imagine pulling on a confidence cape when I need to.
It also starts with liking yourself.. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself daily, that you are capable and that you are enough. Also tell yourself that you love yourself. "
I used to have tonnes of happy confidence and vitality and now feel totally the opposite after recent life events .
Hoping it comes back but it’s been six months now and I really miss the old me .
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
"I’m hoping someone has some words of wisdom for me.
I’m struggling to process and/or understand why or how someone would want to play with me, when I’m sure they have played with people who are much more conventionally beautiful and well proportioned than me.
I’d like to say, I’m not looking for an ego boost and empty compliments about how “of course you’re attractive”, because it will upset me more as I feel like I’m being lied to to make me happy. I know, logically, that someone somewhere has and will find me attractive. I just don’t understand why.
I’m just struggling to understand and feel like hiding myself away. If anyone has a pearl of wisdom that I haven’t considered, I’d love to hear it. "
Ultimately we are attracted to different things at different times. When I was younger I liked a specific type of woman.
I eventually realised that what's upstairs is far more attractive to me than looks.
What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't put yourself down. If someone wants to play with you, they find you attractive. |
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