Let’s face it; Songwriting isn’t easy and not everyone can effortlessly pen lyrics on the level of the esteemed likes of Bob Dylan.
With this in mind therefore, let us celebrate instead all the instances wherein a songwriter has blatantly sacrificed all sentiment and logical sense in a wholly desperate bid to make the line rhyme.
In other words; Give me the worst lyrical examples from established acts you can folks 
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"Can Des’ree be topped on her single Life...?
I don't want to see a ghost
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
 "
 Now that is indeed a truly high brow to set
I was going to suggest Scooter who have consistently supplied a plethora of hugely inane lyrics but I think your example from Dessree tips anything I could list from them |
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By *uryWhipMan
over a year ago
Harringay |
"Can Des’ree be topped on her single Life...?
I don't want to see a ghost
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
"
Similar to one of my own lyrics: I see you as a ghost, you're the thing I hate the most.
Ozzy Osbourne's Mr Crowley has annoying one: Do you like my white horse, Its symbolic of course |
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Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch (whole song, but here's the first verse!)
Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought me
And you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel
Nuts, yes, I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert
And you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch,
You want it rough, you're out of bounds
I want you smothered, want you covered,
Like my Waffle House hash browns
Come quicker than Fed Ex, never reaching apex like Coca-Cola
Stock you are inclined to make me rise
An hour early just like Daylight Savings Time |
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"Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch (whole song, but here's the first verse!)
Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought me
And you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel
Nuts, yes, I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert
And you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch,
You want it rough, you're out of bounds
I want you smothered, want you covered,
Like my Waffle House hash browns
Come quicker than Fed Ex, never reaching apex like Coca-Cola
Stock you are inclined to make me rise
An hour early just like Daylight Savings Time"
Great Scott! Surely some shall we say politely, ‘unusual’ substances must have been imbibed during the writing of that |
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"Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch (whole song, but here's the first verse!)
Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought me
And you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel
Nuts, yes, I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert
And you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch,
You want it rough, you're out of bounds
I want you smothered, want you covered,
Like my Waffle House hash browns
Come quicker than Fed Ex, never reaching apex like Coca-Cola
Stock you are inclined to make me rise
An hour early just like Daylight Savings Time
Great Scott! Surely some shall we say politely, ‘unusual’ substances must have been imbibed during the writing of that "
If you've never heard it (where were you in 1998?!) then.... YouTube |
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Of course no list would be complete without a mention of a certain Mr Justin Bieber.....
Aside from the obvious (and wholly odious!) ‘Babyyy, babyyyy, babyyyy ooooooh’, here’s another prime example of our Justin’s lyrical prowess: ‘Swag, swag, swag on you. Chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.’ (!!!)
Pure genius I tell you!  |
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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
Love Resurrection by Alison Moyet:
Verse 2: What seed must I sow to replenish this barren land
Teach me to harvest, I want you to grow in my hand
Let's be optimistic, let's say that we won't toil in vain
If we pull together we'll never fall apart again
1st verse: Not to mention, that she needs a warm injection |
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How about ABC,s lyric
"Can't complain, mustn't grumble,
help yourself to another piece of Apple Crumble "
100% genuine lyric...
Who could Forget Divine Comedy's
National Express
"Mini skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle back in 63,
But its hard to get by when you're
arse is the size of a small country "
?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch (whole song, but here's the first verse!)
Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought me
And you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel
Nuts, yes, I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert
And you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch,
You want it rough, you're out of bounds
I want you smothered, want you covered,
Like my Waffle House hash browns
Come quicker than Fed Ex, never reaching apex like Coca-Cola
Stock you are inclined to make me rise
An hour early just like Daylight Savings Time
Great Scott! Surely some shall we say politely, ‘unusual’ substances must have been imbibed during the writing of that
If you've never heard it (where were you in 1998?!) then.... YouTube "
Tbf there whole song catalogue is like that haha. Love bloodhound gang.
They have a song just made from Ralph Wiggum quotes from the simpsons |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nickelback - Animals
We were parked out by the tracks
We're sitting in the back
And we just started getting busy
When she whispered what was that
The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are
And that was when she started screamin'
That's my dad outside the car
Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition
Must have wound up on the floor while
We were switching our positions
I guess they knew that she was missing
As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Violent Delight - I wish I was a girl
Some people think I might be gay
But I don't swing the other way
I just want to be a girl so damn much
To feel my clit as it gets
But if I was a girl I couldn't drive no more
Cause I couldn't tell the difference between the clutch and the door
I'd get mood swings and I'd have to shave my pits
But I wouldn't really care 'cause I would have massive tits
I wouldn't have to put up with erections all the time
I'd get a better job when performing 69
Cause being a girl would be so cool
Cause when you cum you don't leave a pool |
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A bit of Scooter now (tremendously fun as they may be, their lyrics invariably lead to much head scratching)
This is from their smash hit, Nassaja:
‘You ain't stoppin' us now!
(Wonderful human beings) (Hey!)
Yeah, I am the junglist soldier
Come on
The rocket launcher stopped ya (hey!)
It's not a bird, it's not a plane
It must be Dave who's on the train
Wanna wanna get'cha, gonna gonna get'cha
Tell 'em that I told ya
Yeahhhhhhh!’
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"How about ABC,s lyric
"Can't complain, mustn't grumble,
help yourself to another piece of Apple Crumble "
100% genuine lyric...
Who could Forget Divine Comedy's
National Express
"Mini skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle back in 63,
But its hard to get by when you're
arse is the size of a small country "
??"
I'll allow the ABC but Neil Hannon's is lyrical genius |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
The coupling of "shoulder" and "older" always makes me grin whenever I hear Madness' Embarassment - it works but is very crowbarred in
Our mum, she don't wanna know, she says
"I'm feelin' twice as old", she says
"Thought she had a head on her shoulder
'Cause I'm feelin' twice as older
I'm feelin' twice as older" |
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As much as I love good old Tinie Tempah, his lyrics are often a tad..........erm.......?!
From, ‘Pass Out‘:
‘Yeah, they say hello, they say hola, and they say bonjour
I'm pissed, I never got to fly on a Concord
I been Southampton but I've never been to Scunthorpe
I'm fuckin' crazy with the kicks, call me Jean-Claude....’
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just about any Macc Lads lyric can be described as crass (intentionally, obviously).
Rhyming 'George Michael' with 'menstrual cycle', just one shining example among many."
And of course ‘I think a rats crawled up his arsehole and died!’. Absolutely bonkers! |
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"Just about any Macc Lads lyric can be described as crass (intentionally, obviously).
Rhyming 'George Michael' with 'menstrual cycle', just one shining example among many.
And of course ‘I think a rats crawled up his arsehole and died!’. Absolutely bonkers! "
"Boiled eggs...three kebabs, fucks sake, no one strike a match".  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Just rem_mbered one that I can rem_mber Sean Hughes going on about on Never Mind The Buzzcocks years ago...
...Haircut 100's "Love Plus One" and the line:
"Where do we go from here?
Is it down to the lake I fear"
As he said, what made the lake particularly frightening? |
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Elektronik Supersonik by Santo Cilauro
Hey, baby, wake up from your asleep
We have arrived onto the future
And the whole world is become
Elektronik supersonik
Supersonik elektronik
Hey, baby, ride with me away
We doesn't have much time
My blue jeans is tight
So onto my love rocket, climb
Inside tank of fuel is not fuel, but love
Above us, there is nothing above
But the stars, above
All systems gone
Prepare for downcount
Five, four, three, one
Off blast
Fly away in my space rocket
You no need put money in my pocket
The door is closed, I just lock it
(Ha, ha, ha ha ha ha) I put my port plug in your socket
The sun in sky is bright like fire
You and me gets higher and higher
Cut off communication wire
Only thing can stop us is flat tire
Ha, ha, ha ha ha ha
Hey, love crusader
I want to be your space invader… |
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"Most songs penned by Noel Gallagher...
I’m not a fan of either Gallagher brothers. But I think you’re way off the mark.
Noel is a fabulous song writer and musician. Just not my groove."
I like Oasis and one or two of both brothers solo efforts, but songs such as 'Supersonic' and 'wonderwall' make absolutely no sense and are just like they swallowed a rhyming dictionary. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Most songs penned by Noel Gallagher...
I’m not a fan of either Gallagher brothers. But I think you’re way off the mark.
Noel is a fabulous song writer and musician. Just not my groove."
Oh I dunno...
"Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball"
Eh? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Howlin Wolf . Whom by the way i think is awesome ..
I asked her for water
She brought me Gasoline
Thats the " terrorbalist woman ive ever seen ...
I kid you not " terrorbalist " is that even a word !!!
It goes on
Church bells tolling
Hurst is rolling slow
Hope my baby dont go
Mate if she is in the Hurst already its a fair bet she is a gonna !
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Another profound gem from the boys from Scooter now, this time on their track, ‘Weekend’:
‘Here comes the chicks terminator
Here we come, in control, here we go
....Respect to the man in the ice cream van’
Delightfully random glory right there!  |
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Scooter again - Back in the UK
'Somewhere in England, banging the bass, join our trip to this weird place. Back to nature, where we can be, faster, harder, loud and free'
Used to seem deep and meaningful when I was 15! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s she gonna look like
With a chimney on her
God, had forgotten that one! "
A chimney according to google is a slang reference to a " black eye " and originates from Northern Ireland .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll sew your ass hole closed and keep feeding ya' and feeding ya' and feeding ya' and feeding ya'
Thank you Wu Tang Clan.
Cracking song, but slightly dark!"
Burn me, I get into shit, I let it out like diarrhea
Got burnt once, but that was only gonorrhea
ODB  |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
"I'll sew your ass hole closed and keep feeding ya' and feeding ya' and feeding ya' and feeding ya'
Thank you Wu Tang Clan.
Cracking song, but slightly dark!
Burn me, I get into shit, I let it out like diarrhea
Got burnt once, but that was only gonorrhea
ODB "
He was cracking. |
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Eighties rock abounded with crass, testosterone oozing, hairy balls hanging out, ‘we couldn’t give a flying fuck!’ type lyrics (it was an integral part of the charm after all) and to demonstrate what I mean, here’s our very own Def Leppard (who were so, ‘we don’t give a fuck!’ that they deliberately spelt their band name incorrectly) with their classic hit, ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’:
‘Love is like a bomb, baby, c’mon get it on
Livin’ like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin’ like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?’
Truly music to grow ones beard to |
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‘Plant A Seed, Plant A Flower, Plant A Rose, You Can Plant Any One Of Those, Keep Planting To Find Out Which One Grows, It's A Secret No One Knows’
MMMBop by Hanson
Lyrical genius or crass shite? You decide |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You came twice last year like a Sears catalog
'Cause your last boyfriend makes love like Boss Hogg
Well now you're seeing me but soon I'll have you seeing God
'Cause girl I'll get you panting like you're Pavlov's dog
Like a DC-10 I'm guaranteed to go down
But baby your black box is the one that I found
I'll give you the gift that keeps on givin' it won't cost you any money
Then she grabbed me by the ears and said kiss me where it smell funny
So down I go like I'm 2000 Flushes
I can tell I'm doing something right by the way that she blushes
She's one that's speechless but I'm the one that's tongue tied
She's thinking holy mackerel I'm thinking tuna on the side
There must be something wrong with Al Pacino's nose
'Cause the scent of a woman is like rotten tomatoes
Yea I'm snorkeling for clams and it doesn't matter if I want to be
Don't come up for air until you kiss me where it smells funny
Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base
I can tell that the cherry's ripe by the way it tastes
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll sew your ass hole closed and keep feeding ya' and feeding ya' and feeding ya' and feeding ya'
Thank you Wu Tang Clan.
Cracking song, but slightly dark!
Burn me, I get into shit, I let it out like diarrhea
Got burnt once, but that was only gonorrhea
ODB
He was cracking."
Big baby jesus  |
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