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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well that could have been a disaster 
There I was, perched and comfortable ...about to drop anchor when the eyes went as the realisation that the toilet roll was still sat in the shopping bag struck me.
I got the sucker to retreat back up and saved the day.
What close calls have you had lately?
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive been plastering my house and mixed pva and water in a 4pt milk bottle (makes it easy to mix and stops it going hard) my mum came round sunday and put it in the fridge  this morning i took said bottle out and made pva tea! I noticed as i poured it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I really did not need to know that.  I did , too funny  "
My rectum has super sucker powers. I pictured little men in my colon pulling it back up like a tug of war
P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ive been plastering my house and mixed pva and water in a 4pt milk bottle (makes it easy to mix and stops it going hard) my mum came round sunday and put it in the fridge this morning i took said bottle out and made pva tea! I noticed as i poured it "
Eeeeek, that could have been dreadful. I imagine the smell gave it away?
P |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Well that could have been a disaster
There I was, perched and comfortable ...about to drop anchor when the eyes went as the realisation that the toilet roll was still sat in the shopping bag struck me.
I got the sucker to retreat back up and saved the day.
What close calls have you had lately?
P"
I nearly read this post over breakfast.
A |
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"I really did not need to know that. I did , too funny
My rectum has super sucker powers. I pictured little men in my colon pulling it back up like a tug of war
P"
OMG....now I'm picturing lemmins... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well that could have been a disaster
There I was, perched and comfortable ...about to drop anchor when the eyes went as the realisation that the toilet roll was still sat in the shopping bag struck me.
I got the sucker to retreat back up and saved the day.
What close calls have you had lately?
P
I nearly read this post over breakfast.
A"
Now that WAS a close call  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I really did not need to know that. I did , too funny
My rectum has super sucker powers. I pictured little men in my colon pulling it back up like a tug of war
P
OMG....now I'm picturing lemmins... "
Ha! Yes!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I really did not need to know that. I did , too funny
My rectum has super sucker powers. I pictured little men in my colon pulling it back up like a tug of war
P
that has made my morning! "
I could almost hear them "HEAVE....HO.....HEAVE....HO"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Times I've realised too late that there was only one sheet left on the roll and had to do *that* waddle up the bathroom to where the toilet rolls are kept in the airing cupboard  "
Oh man that's shit 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I so didn't need to see the p at the end of that post to know it was you posting peach. How can something as teeny winnie as you pull a whacking great jobby back. You amaze me peach.
B "
Was the colon Vikings. I owe them a pint
B wouldn't be so crass. He's a gentleman. |
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"I so didn't need to see the p at the end of that post to know it was you posting peach. How can something as teeny winnie as you pull a whacking great jobby back. You amaze me peach.
B
Was the colon Vikings. I owe them a pint
B wouldn't be so crass. He's a gentleman. "
The b was ment to be me ya daft bint. Bladey |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I so didn't need to see the p at the end of that post to know it was you posting peach. How can something as teeny winnie as you pull a whacking great jobby back. You amaze me peach.
B
Was the colon Vikings. I owe them a pint
B wouldn't be so crass. He's a gentleman.
The b was ment to be me ya daft bint. Bladey "
I know ya spanner, I meant my B wouldn't be so crass as to post such shit talk |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I so didn't need to see the p at the end of that post to know it was you posting peach. How can something as teeny winnie as you pull a whacking great jobby back. You amaze me peach.
B "
Bladey didn’t you know Peach’s sphincter sucks like a dyson.
She perfected it while frantically recovering her farts in her ladylike days when she drank tea with her pinkie sticking out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I so didn't need to see the p at the end of that post to know it was you posting peach. How can something as teeny winnie as you pull a whacking great jobby back. You amaze me peach.
B
Bladey didn’t you know Peach’s sphincter sucks like a dyson.
She perfected it while frantically recovering her farts in her ladylike days when she drank tea with her pinkie sticking out."
Doc knows the score.
Twas the queens finishing school that helped me perfect it. That darjeeling gives ya wind. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I dropped a bottle of hot pink nail varnish on my not so old beige carpet. It landed upright, I felt like maybe there was a god after all. "
Heart stopper moment right there.
I'd have probably been shaking so much as the closeness of the call that I dropped it again picking it back up  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Good ass wiping princess 
My finger never went through the paper, so I think I've finally nailed it.
Pffft, amateur.
That’s the best bit  "
But...... but, for years people had been telling me I was doing it all wrong
Or maybe it was the using the toothbrush as a nail brush they were referring to |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Must not laugh so hard "
You might piss yourself.
And then if you pissed yourself I'd laugh so hard that I pissed myself. Other people would piss themselves at our pissing ourselves and before you knew it there would be a tsunami in mainland Britain |
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"Must not laugh so hard
You might piss yourself.
And then if you pissed yourself I'd laugh so hard that I pissed myself. Other people would piss themselves at our pissing ourselves and before you knew it there would be a tsunami in mainland Britain "
You are so randomly nuts |
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"Must not laugh so hard
You might piss yourself.
And then if you pissed yourself I'd laugh so hard that I pissed myself. Other people would piss themselves at our pissing ourselves and before you knew it there would be a tsunami in mainland Britain "
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I wholeheartedly agree; There is no word in the English language to describe that feeling of abject consternation when the horrific reality dawns upon one that there is no toilet paper handy.
Luckily I always wear socks though...... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wholeheartedly agree; There is no word in the English language to describe that feeling of abject consternation when the horrific reality dawns upon one that there is no toilet paper handy.
Luckily I always wear socks though......"
Just eat some little Vikings. Make sure you give them a thread to lace down the centre of each turd just in case.
I'm gonna pretend that my tummy rumbling is them having a
knees up, belly ache is them fighting, and each month when I get my period the little bastards have taken a riot too far. |
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"I wholeheartedly agree; There is no word in the English language to describe that feeling of abject consternation when the horrific reality dawns upon one that there is no toilet paper handy.
Luckily I always wear socks though......
Just eat some little Vikings. Make sure you give them a thread to lace down the centre of each turd just in case.
I'm gonna pretend that my tummy rumbling is them having a
knees up, belly ache is them fighting, and each month when I get my period the little bastards have taken a riot too far."
I think I have a similar little Viking army in my gut; They tend to become rowdy and highly vocal just before mealtimes and sometimes take the fight south with loud war cries if I’ve eaten anything particularly spicy.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wholeheartedly agree; There is no word in the English language to describe that feeling of abject consternation when the horrific reality dawns upon one that there is no toilet paper handy.
Luckily I always wear socks though......
Just eat some little Vikings. Make sure you give them a thread to lace down the centre of each turd just in case.
I'm gonna pretend that my tummy rumbling is them having a
knees up, belly ache is them fighting, and each month when I get my period the little bastards have taken a riot too far.
I think I have a similar little Viking army in my gut; They tend to become rowdy and highly vocal just before mealtimes and sometimes take the fight south with loud war cries if I’ve eaten anything particularly spicy.... "
See, all these viking programmes on the telly have got it so so wrong.
They live in your tummy. |
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