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Relationship advice
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Well have kept of the site for four months as met what I thought was a lady of my dreams. Looking like I will be back soon .. I haven't cheated or contacted anyone for that four months.
Saw her last Saturday but have a feeling she will say she cannot see me until a week Saturday after Christmas. Is this acceptable considering we were going out twice a week... just because her family is coming Saturday for Christmas. I am alone boxing day but no invite from her either. She thinks she can just deep freeze me for Christmas and carry on after. I am gutted and yes if she does I will be back here as I have never experienced anything like this before |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well have kept of the site for four months as met what I thought was a lady of my dreams. Looking like I will be back soon .. I haven't cheated or contacted anyone for that four months.
Saw her last Saturday but have a feeling she will say she cannot see me until a week Saturday after Christmas. Is this acceptable considering we were going out twice a week... just because her family is coming Saturday for Christmas. I am alone boxing day but no invite from her either. She thinks she can just deep freeze me for Christmas and carry on after. I am gutted and yes if she does I will be back here as I have never experienced anything like this before"
Of course its acceptable if your only dating. Being a bit clingy mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She's spending time with her family, you've been seeing each other 4 months. Maybe she doesn't feel ready to bring you into the family fold yet.
Just because she may not feel it's right to see you during that time because she has family staying with her, will you not speak on the phone at all?
I can understand you feeling pushed out a bit, but it's only 4 months, that's no time at all. I think you're being harsh.
P
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well have kept of the site for four months as met what I thought was a lady of my dreams. Looking like I will be back soon .. I haven't cheated or contacted anyone for that four months.
Saw her last Saturday but have a feeling she will say she cannot see me until a week Saturday after Christmas. Is this acceptable considering we were going out twice a week... just because her family is coming Saturday for Christmas. I am alone boxing day but no invite from her either. She thinks she can just deep freeze me for Christmas and carry on after. I am gutted and yes if she does I will be back here as I have never experienced anything like this before"
Mate, if you really want this relationship to work then you need to give her some breathing space. I think you are being bit too clingy, tbh!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with the other posters. 4 months isn't much time at all to get all smoochy with the family.
She may have many reasons as to why. You'd be better off having a conversation with her about how you feel etc and find out why.
Or maybe she just don't want to get you a Christmas present  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What sort of relationship do you have? It all depends really. We keep this separate from normal life, we don’t see each other’s families etc. It’s hard to give advice without knowing what your situation is.
Nora |
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I mean she cannot even see me before Christmas from today until a week on Saturday.. how the hell do I even give her a present. So my memories of this Christmas with her will be what... zero nothing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds petty and a bit clingy, like if she doesn't see me enough then I'm coming back to fab to cheat (insert footstamp) not cool. Does she know about fab at all,,,?
Either way Xmas is a busy time for many people where even me and my wife have to work together, tread carefully to split our time fairly across her family, my family and our friends that's without any swinging plans. I know many people who end up not doing right for doing wrong.
Why don't you talk to her?
KJ x |
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Communication is key. If you had made plans that were agreed but unreasonably terminated, then you'd talk. Otherwise it's just a case of different plans and expe, albeit it's unfortunate for you and it hurts.
Relationships are about going beyond the points of difference and challenges. Or decoding to get out. |
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I know two of her children not the others... it's not about Christmas day it's about her deep freezing me from last Saturday until a week on Saturday. Nothing at all Christmas themed or special just dec 14 until 30th shut down. |
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"I mean she cannot even see me before Christmas from today until a week on Saturday.. how the hell do I even give her a present. So my memories of this Christmas with her will be what... zero nothing. "
You sound really upset. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I mean she cannot even see me before Christmas from today until a week on Saturday.. how the hell do I even give her a present. So my memories of this Christmas with her will be what... zero nothing. "
Oh Boo boo boo!
Don't you have other friends to hang out with? Fanily of your own to see? A Netflix series to watch? |
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"I know two of her children not the others... it's not about Christmas day it's about her deep freezing me from last Saturday until a week on Saturday. Nothing at all Christmas themed or special just dec 14 until 30th shut down."
There could be all sorts of reasons for this. The only way you'll find out is by talking to her. You seem to be winding yourself up about it and that won't end well.
Calm down, talk to her if you can, of not wait until you do see her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I mean she cannot even see me before Christmas from today until a week on Saturday.. how the hell do I even give her a present. So my memories of this Christmas with her will be what... zero nothing. "
You're throwing a strop and coming across selfish.
Myself and B didn't see each other for 3 months at the end of last year into this year due to family and work.
This year it will be around the month mark.
You either accept it that she has other people in her life that have known her her entire life or vice versa that will take priority for the time being, when you've known her 16 weeks or you don't and act like a brat.
We don't always get what we want. Talk to her.
It sounds a little like you're looking for an excuse to come back
P
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Yes .. see her twice a week and then surgically removed from Christmas. I really dont mind about xmas day boxing day it's the not seeing me this week or next that bothers me.i will have a better Christmas feeling with my work colleagues Friday night than her all Christmas. When I say I wont have the chance to give her a card or present I mean it ... unless it's in the new year |
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"I agree with the other posters. 4 months isn't much time at all to get all smoochy with the family.
She may have many reasons as to why. You'd be better off having a conversation with her about how you feel etc and find out why.
Or maybe she just don't want to get you a Christmas present "
Ooh you are naughty |
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"Communication is key. If you had made plans that were agreed but unreasonably terminated, then you'd talk. Otherwise it's just a case of different plans and expe, albeit it's unfortunate for you and it hurts.
Relationships are about going beyond the points of difference and challenges. Or decoding to get out."
boom! |
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if you're only fuck buddies, I'd be embarrassed in front of my family to be introduced as an fb, instead of gf.
Sounds like you might be more attached than you think if you're upset at not being invited. Suggest you have a conversation without pouting that you've been left out. |
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"Must be me but a gf just ghosting you for two weeks over Christmas is not normal... if she cannot even do a coffee she's gone"
. You're prepared to finish things with her without even talking?
You haven't been ghosted by the way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Must be me but a gf just ghosting you for two weeks over Christmas is not normal... if she cannot even do a coffee she's gone"
So she’s a girlfriend? Not a FWB. Did she give a reason? Did you not ask why you won’t see her for so long?
N |
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"Must be me but a gf just ghosting you for two weeks over Christmas is not normal... if she cannot even do a coffee she's gone"
Ultimatums wouldn't work with me and you said you left fab but are now having a strop because she's spending time with her family? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes .. see her twice a week and then surgically removed from Christmas. I really dont mind about xmas day boxing day it's the not seeing me this week or next that bothers me.i will have a better Christmas feeling with my work colleagues Friday night than her all Christmas. When I say I wont have the chance to give her a card or present I mean it ... unless it's in the new year "
She may be genuinely bloody busy. If she's having family come to stay she probably has a million and one things to do! You know how much pressure people put on themselves to get Xmas right? You won't be helping that by throwing a wobbly.
If you actually talk to her calmly instead of second guessing you may be surprised.
P |
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"Must be me but a gf just ghosting you for two weeks over Christmas is not normal... if she cannot even do a coffee she's gone"
Perhaps she "has a feeling" too...and this is an excuse to dump you....especially if your comments on here are an example of your general behaviour with her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Must be me but a gf just ghosting you for two weeks over Christmas is not normal... if she cannot even do a coffee she's gone"
Really? So you've spoken to her and she has specifically told you there won't be so much as a text message?
P |
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"Well have kept of the site for four months as met what I thought was a lady of my dreams. Looking like I will be back soon .. I haven't cheated or contacted anyone for that four months.
Saw her last Saturday but have a feeling she will say she cannot see me until a week Saturday after Christmas. Is this acceptable considering we were going out twice a week... just because her family is coming Saturday for Christmas. I am alone boxing day but no invite from her either. She thinks she can just deep freeze me for Christmas and carry on after. I am gutted and yes if she does I will be back here as I have never experienced anything like this before"
You have expectations of her that she may or may not have at this stage.
The only thing you can do is NOT bring it up or react. Either she doesn't care about you or she's only a step or 2 away from declaring her love for you.
If she doesn't care well you won't know yet so give it time.
If she does care and may even call for you well then you must give it time.
Either way if you react you will jeopardise whatever you have.
At the end of the day though it's upto you just return back to let us know what you decided and then keep us posted on what unfolds. |
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She is quite prepared to just ghost me for two weeks and then get back to normal. I dont mind not seeing her at Christmas it's just she cannot find time for me before Christmas after last Saturday. The fact I will spend Christmas alone dont bother me it's the before that does |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She is quite prepared to just ghost me for two weeks and then get back to normal. I dont mind not seeing her at Christmas it's just she cannot find time for me before Christmas after last Saturday. The fact I will spend Christmas alone dont bother me it's the before that does "
You keep whittering on about her ghosting you. Will you be communicating via text or call at all? Do you even know?
Also.... have you been drinking? The repetition and anger is making me think that you may have
P |
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"She is quite prepared to just ghost me for two weeks and then get back to normal. I dont mind not seeing her at Christmas it's just she cannot find time for me before Christmas after last Saturday. The fact I will spend Christmas alone dont bother me it's the before that does "
I
So have you talked to her? I know I've asked you this before but you specifically asked for relationship advice and seem to be ignoring everything people are saying. I can tell you're very upset by this but nothing will be resolved without talking |
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It baffles me that you're having a strop about not seeing your gf for a couple of weeks, when you've only been together 5 minutes and you're 55 years old! You're a grown man not a love struck teenager. You seriously need to chill out and stop making such a big deal out of it! |
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"She is quite prepared to just ghost me for two weeks and then get back to normal. I dont mind not seeing her at Christmas it's just she cannot find time for me before Christmas after last Saturday. The fact I will spend Christmas alone dont bother me it's the before that does
You keep whittering on about her ghosting you. Will you be communicating via text or call at all? Do you even know?
Also.... have you been drinking? The repetition and anger is making me think that you may have
P"
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"I forgot ..
Asked her out new years eve as well .. going to daughters so. Nothing there either. More like three weeks ghosting. "
You still haven't clarified what kind of relationship you have? Are you bf/gf or more fwb? |
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Ok so my reply above was having not read the thread so it may still apply but after having read this thread OP I must confess I'm rather lost.
You seem to have ranted but not given a clearly picture and this is what we need to decipher her actions. Your feelings matter less at this stage because it's clear you're hurt but whether it's right or wrong nobody can say.
So please explain in detail exactly what kind of relationship you have and how this "ghosting", was initiated and why and what conversation you have shared about it.
It would also help to understand what you mean by meeting her twice a week as well as where she stands with you ie what has she said?
Just trying to help mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I forgot ..
Asked her out new years eve as well .. going to daughters so. Nothing there either. More like three weeks ghosting. "
You don’t seem to be answering anyone’s questions so not sure how anyone can give advice. I’m spending the next few weeks or so with family also so we won’t see each other till Jan. I think you may be overreacting a bit tbh.
N |
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To be honest knowing I dont have family and am going to be on my own she is quite prepared to extend not seeing me from dec 14 to after new year so she can be with hers. Am not talking about Christmas dinner just seeing my gf say this Sunday for a coffee. Is that asking too much... it must be me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I forgot ..
Asked her out new years eve as well .. going to daughters so. Nothing there either. More like three weeks ghosting. "
I dont think you fully understand the term ghosting, the fact that you're ignoring questions about texts and phone calls and that you've obviously had some communication to know when she can and cant see you means that it's just a case that shes busy/unavailable for physically being with you over the Christmas period which most would find acceptable, the normal response is to thing oh I'm going to miss her not if she doesn't seem me I'm going to become active on a swingers site. |
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Ok after posting 2nd message above I saw more replies under my first post from others to you as well as from you ranting again.
Mate stop the ranting and behave yourself! Now either communicate with us as an adult or I may take her side and feel ghosting you for 3 weeks was too kind and not enough lol
Just reply to us buddy |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"I forgot ..
Asked her out new years eve as well .. going to daughters so. Nothing there either. More like three weeks ghosting. "
She hasn't even actually said that, you're just assuming you don't see her/ speak to her/ text her for 3 weeks.
Honestly, you're acting unhinged and the term bunny boiler springs to mind. |
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"We are gf bf ... kept off site as I dont cheat and think the world of her. "
Ok you're just using this to rant I realised that now.
So go ahead it's your thread but no more replies from me mate till you wake up! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest knowing I dont have family and am going to be on my own she is quite prepared to extend not seeing me from dec 14 to after new year so she can be with hers. Am not talking about Christmas dinner just seeing my gf say this Sunday for a coffee. Is that asking too much... it must be me"
As shite as it may seem, you having no family to spend xmas with isn't her problem. It's unfortunate but not her responsibility. You've known each other 16 weeks.
If you're giving her this kind of attitude, not listening properly and just ranting, accusing her of doing something that hasn't even been bloody well done yet, then yeah, I'll say yeah, the problem is most definitely yours.
P |
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"
Mate stop the ranting and behave yourself! Now either communicate with us as an adult or I may take her side and feel ghosting you for 3 weeks was too kind and not enough lol
"
Thank you fancy a drink? Lol |
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Am out of here .. it is obviously normal to so deep freeze someone you cannot even exchange presents even though you live ten minutes away from each other. If you cannot spare me one hour of her precious time before next Wednesday what's the point |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Am out of here .. it is obviously normal to so deep freeze someone you cannot even exchange presents even though you live ten minutes away from each other. If you cannot spare me one hour of her precious time before next Wednesday what's the point "
You're acting childish, you haven't given us a whole lot of information to go on, you just keep ranting. If this is how you act, you'll be lucky to see her after Christmas. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am out of here .. it is obviously normal to so deep freeze someone you cannot even exchange presents even though you live ten minutes away from each other. If you cannot spare me one hour of her precious time before next Wednesday what's the point "
She ain't "freezing you out" she's doing stuff with her family and getting prepped for xmas.
Get yourself some alka seltzer ready for the morning and sleep it off. |
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"Am out of here .. it is obviously normal to so deep freeze someone you cannot even exchange presents even though you live ten minutes away from each other. If you cannot spare me one hour of her precious time before next Wednesday what's the point "
Ok, one last time.
Have you spoken to her about this?
I can tell you're very upset, even angry but if you don't talk to her you're never going to resolve this. |
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Add this .. maybe this sounds normal too. Been going out four months and only last week did she tell me how old she is. Two years older than me.
Must be odd all these dating sites asking for your age... at least she wont be on them lol |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Add this .. maybe this sounds normal too. Been going out four months and only last week did she tell me how old she is. Two years older than me.
Must be odd all these dating sites asking for your age... at least she wont be on them lol"
Didn't you think to ask her?
Can you answer our questions regarding if you've discussed Christmas with her? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Add this .. maybe this sounds normal too. Been going out four months and only last week did she tell me how old she is. Two years older than me.
Must be odd all these dating sites asking for your age... at least she wont be on them lol"
Add to this.... been dating 4 months, not used the site in that time but last veri was 2 months ago.
Alrighty then.
P |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Add this .. maybe this sounds normal too. Been going out four months and only last week did she tell me how old she is. Two years older than me.
Must be odd all these dating sites asking for your age... at least she wont be on them lol
Add to this.... been dating 4 months, not used the site in that time but last veri was 2 months ago.
Alrighty then.
P"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are gf bf ... kept off site as I dont cheat and think the world of her. "
You have a verification from 2 months ago.
You also stated that this is just a feeling you have, you seem to be getting very worked up over something that hasn't actually happened. |
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"Add this .. maybe this sounds normal too. Been going out four months and only last week did she tell me how old she is. Two years older than me.
Must be odd all these dating sites asking for your age... at least she wont be on them lol
Add to this.... been dating 4 months, not used the site in that time but last veri was 2 months ago.
Alrighty then.
P"
Totally busted dude! |
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Look .. I asked her age early she refused to tell me. Also dont know where she lives never been there. Not allowed to show affection in public in case people she knows she her. Yes she is single not married so odd.
She will explode like she has before when I she has cancelled multiple dates one hour before the time.
I really cannot see how she cannot see me one week before Christmas and how do I even give her a present or card not even knowing her address.
We live five Miles apart and tomorrow night we are a quarter mile away from each other when both finish work. Yes I have spoken to her but she says I have to fit in with her and her time. Obviously she has not got one hour free before next Wednesday to exchange even a card over coffee.
Have attempted to finish her twice but she got upset and really love her but to be discarded for the who festive period hurts. She does not want to leave her thirty something g daughter alone even for two hours and the fact she is there for a week does not matter.
So she would rather not see me than leave her Sunday afternoon for two hours whilst she sees me. |
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"Look .. I asked her age early she refused to tell me. Also dont know where she lives never been there. Not allowed to show affection in public in case people she knows she her. Yes she is single not married so odd.
She will explode like she has before when I she has cancelled multiple dates one hour before the time.
I really cannot see how she cannot see me one week before Christmas and how do I even give her a present or card not even knowing her address.
We live five Miles apart and tomorrow night we are a quarter mile away from each other when both finish work. Yes I have spoken to her but she says I have to fit in with her and her time. Obviously she has not got one hour free before next Wednesday to exchange even a card over coffee.
Have attempted to finish her twice but she got upset and really love her but to be discarded for the who festive period hurts. She does not want to leave her thirty something g daughter alone even for two hours and the fact she is there for a week does not matter.
So she would rather not see me than leave her Sunday afternoon for two hours whilst she sees me. "
Ah ok so it was professor plum with the candle stick in the library?
Does that mean we scratch I spy and instead play cludeo? Lol |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Look .. I asked her age early she refused to tell me. Also dont know where she lives never been there. Not allowed to show affection in public in case people she knows she her. Yes she is single not married so odd.
She will explode like she has before when I she has cancelled multiple dates one hour before the time.
I really cannot see how she cannot see me one week before Christmas and how do I even give her a present or card not even knowing her address.
We live five Miles apart and tomorrow night we are a quarter mile away from each other when both finish work. Yes I have spoken to her but she says I have to fit in with her and her time. Obviously she has not got one hour free before next Wednesday to exchange even a card over coffee.
Have attempted to finish her twice but she got upset and really love her but to be discarded for the who festive period hurts. She does not want to leave her thirty something g daughter alone even for two hours and the fact she is there for a week does not matter.
So she would rather not see me than leave her Sunday afternoon for two hours whilst she sees me. "
I'm going to be honest, that's not a relationship. |
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"Am out of here .. it is obviously normal to so deep freeze someone you cannot even exchange presents even though you live ten minutes away from each other. If you cannot spare me one hour of her precious time before next Wednesday what's the point "
Having read the thread and this last comment you are throwing your toys out of the pram.
People have asked you questions, trying to offer you advice as you requested and your are just ignoring everyone.
Christmas is a busy time and there is so much going on it’s hard to make time for people. You need to accept it or have a grown up conversation with your girlfriend, even if that’s by text, because at the moment you are coming over as a youngster not an older man. |
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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire |
"We are gf bf ... kept off site as I dont cheat and think the world of her. "
But you've been together 4 months but 2 months ago you were on cam with someone, doesnt sound like keeping off fab to me. Js. |
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By *ankie303Woman
over a year ago
Weirdsville South Coast Dorset |
"Well have kept of the site for four months as met what I thought was a lady of my dreams. Looking like I will be back soon .. I haven't cheated or contacted anyone for that four months.
Saw her last Saturday but have a feeling she will say she cannot see me until a week Saturday after Christmas. Is this acceptable considering we were going out twice a week... just because her family is coming Saturday for Christmas. I am alone boxing day but no invite from her either. She thinks she can just deep freeze me for Christmas and carry on after. I am gutted and yes if she does I will be back here as I have never experienced anything like this before"
Firstly your last veri is from only 2 months ago?
Seeing someone twice a week for a couple of months is hardly grounds to expect to intrude on her family christmas! |
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Maybe she has more going on at home than you know about. It could be anything; disabled family member, illness... anything at all.
If you are only seeing her occasionally and you haven’t met the family or all the kids then you can’t really expect to be involved at Christmas yet.
You already seem to have massive doubts about your relationship, make a decision, but don’t Fab out of spite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seems to me if you dump her, she will have a lucky escape! By the sounds of it she has a busy life and big family. I'd be narked if someone I was dating for 16 weeks was kicking off like this.
Deep down you don't think the world of her or you would be more understanding, you come across as selfish, needy and someone that sprites their dummy out when told no. |
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By *rbubbleMan
over a year ago
wild west sligo mayo roscommon |
"I know two of her children not the others... it's not about Christmas day it's about her deep freezing me from last Saturday until a week on Saturday. Nothing at all Christmas themed or special just dec 14 until 30th shut down."
Be careful with the deep freezing incase you don’t thaw out never good idea to hang out in a deep freezer  |
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OP this relationship you have is a figment of your imagination imo.
She doesn't like to be seen with you in public, refuses to tell you how old she is etc...
In her eyes you're a fwb of some sort, not someone to be on the scene over Xmas.
I hope you finish with her for her sake.
'Don't stick your dick in crazy' is the expression that comes to mind. Maybe someone can tell me the equivalent inverse version |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are gf bf ... kept off site as I dont cheat and think the world of her.
You have a verification from 2 months ago.
"
I'll be the 5th person to ask then.
You have been together 4 months you state you don't cheat yet you have a fab verification from 2 months ago can you explain that?
(I'd bet a bollock this doesn't get an answer by the OP)
Also you don't know where she lives and the info in your last post suggests it's not a relationship more casual dating maybe? What does she call it?
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"OP this relationship you have is a figment of your imagination imo.
She doesn't like to be seen with you in public, refuses to tell you how old she is etc...
In her eyes you're a fwb of some sort, not someone to be on the scene over Xmas.
I hope you finish with her for her sake.
'Don't stick your dick in crazy' is the expression that comes to mind. Maybe someone can tell me the equivalent inverse version "
Inverse version: do slip your vagina on stable |
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"We are gf bf ... kept off site as I dont cheat and think the world of her.
You have a verification from 2 months ago.
I'll be the 5th person to ask then.
You have been together 4 months you state you don't cheat yet you have a fab verification from 2 months ago can you explain that?
(I'd bet a bollock this doesn't get an answer by the OP)
Also you don't know where she lives and the info in your last post suggests it's not a relationship more casual dating maybe? What does she call it?
"
Answering questions isn't OP's strong point lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are gf bf ... kept off site as I dont cheat and think the world of her.
You have a verification from 2 months ago.
I'll be the 5th person to ask then.
You have been together 4 months you state you don't cheat yet you have a fab verification from 2 months ago can you explain that?
(I'd bet a bollock this doesn't get an answer by the OP)
Also you don't know where she lives and the info in your last post suggests it's not a relationship more casual dating maybe? What does she call it?
Answering questions isn't OP's strong point lol"
Very true that was why I was happy to risk a bollock on it lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 18/12/19 02:07:06]"
whatt sort of relationship are yous in? Is it nsa or what? Think yous need to have a chat about what yous expect out of it and if yous are looking the same things
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try communication.
Tell her how you are feeling.
Christmas is for families. Beast and I will be apart for the Christmas period. Possibly for 3 weeks. Not easy but our reunion will be epic. A relationship only works with honest open communication and discussing expectations. If she really does mean what you says she does then don't throw it away through miscommunication. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Not read all the thread but what i’m currently feeling is this:
It depends how often she sees her family. Do her family know about you?
But also, if i was seeing someone and they were alone at Christmas they were invited to mine. Simple as that.
Talk to her. No point having a pout and thinking you’ll come back on here without discussing it. You can’t throw your toys out the pram at the first bump in the road.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, I have read the whole thread, and have one main question: are you seriously 55??? From your responses, you sound extremely immature, and very clingy. You are a man with, I guess, no family, so you are not going to understand the pressure on women at Christmas time. It's a crazy time, and the retail business is not helping by shoving Christmas down our throats from as early as August in some instances, encouraging us to spend as much as possible so we can have 'perfect Christmas'. I don't know whether your gf gives in to all that pressure, but with kids, you haven't got a lot of choice not to. Also, I'm guessing it won't be just her and her kids for Christmas, it could be her parents, extended family etc, and as it doesn't look like you've met them, or given any consideration to the potential pressure on her from the extended family. She must have a lot on her plate right now, and you're adding to her burden by having a teenager-like strop because she can't see you over Christmas period. It doesn't matter how far or close you live. Let her do her own thing, you do your own without throwing your toys out of the pram.
And for the record- Christmas cards and presents can be exchanged after Christmas, there is no law against that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, I have read the whole thread, and have one main question: are you seriously 55??? From your responses, you sound extremely immature, and very clingy. You are a man with, I guess, no family, so you are not going to understand the pressure on women at Christmas time. It's a crazy time, and the retail business is not helping by shoving Christmas down our throats from as early as August in some instances, encouraging us to spend as much as possible so we can have 'perfect Christmas'. I don't know whether your gf gives in to all that pressure, but with kids, you haven't got a lot of choice not to. Also, I'm guessing it won't be just her and her kids for Christmas, it could be her parents, extended family etc, and as it doesn't look like you've met them, or given any consideration to the potential pressure on her from the extended family. She must have a lot on her plate right now, and you're adding to her burden by having a teenager-like strop because she can't see you over Christmas period. It doesn't matter how far or close you live. Let her do her own thing, you do your own without throwing your toys out of the pram.
And for the record- Christmas cards and presents can be exchanged after Christmas, there is no law against that "
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I'm trying to see this from different angles and it's fairly early so bear with me.
So firstly; I can see youre upset, I also get the feeling that you had been drinking, which never helps in emotional situations.
I can kind of understand your hurt, however, you seem to be making an awful lot of assumptions. Neither of you are psychic and you can't know what's going on without clear communication. You haven't been ghosted though.
As many others have said; communication is key, stropping and threatening to come back on to fab because you won't see her for any period of time is evidence of a real lack of communication between you.
I see this as a choice situation; either you accept the relationship as it is, with its current status quo and see her when you can, then talk about what's happening as adults or you end things. You do have a choice in how a relationship works you know!
As a side note; this rant from you was a bit 'off' and the question of a recent verification is contrary to what you're writing. I do feel that you got a fair amount of bad comments though, had a woman posted this, she would have received very different replies in some places.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You do sound very upset OP but 2 weeks is nothing in the scheme of life, are you still able to ring/facetime occasionally?! A 4 month relationship is still a new one and it sounds like you haven't met much of her family/friends.
How about planning a special "the two of you" Christmas for when you're together on the 30th?
You are coming across as a little clingy and selfish tbh perhaps work on your communication when you're together? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well have kept of the site for four months as met what I thought was a lady of my dreams. Looking like I will be back soon .. I haven't cheated or contacted anyone for that four months.
Saw her last Saturday but have a feeling she will say she cannot see me until a week Saturday after Christmas. Is this acceptable considering we were going out twice a week... just because her family is coming Saturday for Christmas. I am alone boxing day but no invite from her either. She thinks she can just deep freeze me for Christmas and carry on after. I am gutted and yes if she does I will be back here as I have never experienced anything like this before"
But you have a veri from 2 months ago? So not a serious relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Must be me but a gf just ghosting you for two weeks over Christmas is not normal... if she cannot even do a coffee she's gone"
I think she'd have a lucky escape to be honest reading your replies!
How pathetic and needy!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the roles were reversed everyone would be saying it looks like the partner is married hence they can't see you during their family time.
Actually really agree with this "
Kept at arms length for a reason |
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"Must be me but a gf just ghosting you for two weeks over Christmas is not normal... if she cannot even do a coffee she's gone"
How do you know she is your gf.... wont see most of my friends over Christmas as busy with my kids.
You say seeing her... maybe it's more to you than her. Talk to her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I mean she cannot even see me before Christmas from today until a week on Saturday.. how the hell do I even give her a present. So my memories of this Christmas with her will be what... zero nothing. "
Give it to her today. Easy.
Maybe next year you can have those ‘memories’.
She doesn’t have to spend time with you - four months is so time at all. Christmas is always a busy time of year. It’s not her fault she had plans and is sticking to them. Why should she bail/disrupt them just for you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, I have read the whole thread, and have one main question: are you seriously 55??? From your responses, you sound extremely immature, and very clingy. You are a man with, I guess, no family, so you are not going to understand the pressure on women at Christmas time. It's a crazy time, and the retail business is not helping by shoving Christmas down our throats from as early as August in some instances, encouraging us to spend as much as possible so we can have 'perfect Christmas'. I don't know whether your gf gives in to all that pressure, but with kids, you haven't got a lot of choice not to. Also, I'm guessing it won't be just her and her kids for Christmas, it could be her parents, extended family etc, and as it doesn't look like you've met them, or given any consideration to the potential pressure on her from the extended family. She must have a lot on her plate right now, and you're adding to her burden by having a teenager-like strop because she can't see you over Christmas period. It doesn't matter how far or close you live. Let her do her own thing, you do your own without throwing your toys out of the pram.
And for the record- Christmas cards and presents can be exchanged after Christmas, there is no law against that "
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"OP, I have read the whole thread, and have one main question: are you seriously 55??? From your responses, you sound extremely immature, and very clingy. You are a man with, I guess, no family, so you are not going to understand the pressure on women at Christmas time. It's a crazy time, and the retail business is not helping by shoving Christmas down our throats from as early as August in some instances, encouraging us to spend as much as possible so we can have 'perfect Christmas'. I don't know whether your gf gives in to all that pressure, but with kids, you haven't got a lot of choice not to. Also, I'm guessing it won't be just her and her kids for Christmas, it could be her parents, extended family etc, and as it doesn't look like you've met them, or given any consideration to the potential pressure on her from the extended family. She must have a lot on her plate right now, and you're adding to her burden by having a teenager-like strop because she can't see you over Christmas period. It doesn't matter how far or close you live. Let her do her own thing, you do your own without throwing your toys out of the pram.
And for the record- Christmas cards and presents can be exchanged after Christmas, there is no law against that "
Fucks sake, I followed and commented above yet never noticed OP is 55!
My god I thought you were 30 max, I can see why you're alone at Xmas at 55. You're locked in your own little world, little ability to see things from your partners perspective.
I suspect everything you've written here are totally alien concepts to OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest OP if you don't know where she lives, she doesn't like being seen with you in public and haven't met all her family, you never actually left here, and at 55 you're throwing your toys out of the pram of her having a family Christmas ... is it really a relationship? |
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"To be honest OP if you don't know where she lives, she doesn't like being seen with you in public and haven't met all her family, you never actually left here, and at 55 you're throwing your toys out of the pram of her having a family Christmas ... is it really a relationship? "
I think everyone's coming to the same conclusion. I'm just waiting for this thread to max out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well have kept of the site for four months as met what I thought was a lady of my dreams. Looking like I will be back soon .. I haven't cheated or contacted anyone for that four months.
Saw her last Saturday but have a feeling she will say she cannot see me until a week Saturday after Christmas. Is this acceptable considering we were going out twice a week... just because her family is coming Saturday for Christmas. I am alone boxing day but no invite from her either. She thinks she can just deep freeze me for Christmas and carry on after. I am gutted and yes if she does I will be back here as I have never experienced anything like this before"
Expectations
Relationships are not about expectations at all and you sound very much expectant of wanting her to drop her family for you over Christmas
How deep is your relationship?
You say you saw her last Saturday did you discuss Christmas with her at all?
Plus you cannot make assumptions based on no evidence that she will so call deep freeze you |
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"I asked her age early she refused to tell me. Also dont know where she lives never been there. Not allowed to show affection in public in case people she knows she her.
She will explode like she has before when she has cancelled multiple dates one hour before the time.
Have attempted to finish her twice. "
OP I really can't see why you want to continue seeing her. It doesn't sound like things have been going well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with the other posters. 4 months isn't much time at all to get all smoochy with the family.
She may have many reasons as to why. You'd be better off having a conversation with her about how you feel etc and find out why.
Or maybe she just don't want to get you a Christmas present "
My ex cheated on me and within months married her lucky escape for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve read through all this and have come to this conclusion
Mate you need to give her the elbow
Was in a fairly similar situation a few years back so I understand to an extent
Bottom line is irrespective on whether she has her family around or not she simply doesn’t want to see you
Go and find someone who does |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"To be honest, regardless of the outcome with her I think if the first thing you've done at the sign of any issues is to come back here behind her back then you should end the relationship anyway."
I kind of agree.
Personally I think the OP was using this as a form of venting. Seeing as how he hasn't returned today and didn't answer any questions posed and his posts seemed to be consistent with an emotional outburst, that's my conclusion. |
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Just for anyone I interested ... yep I was right no contact over Christmas from last Wednesday in person. She actually went crazy Saturday night and said I did not care about her as I had not texted her that day. And not to text her as she was busy over Christmas.
I pointed out she was the one happy not to see me over Christmas period in person yet could not see how that may make me feel.. her feelings not being texted for one day she goes crazy ... mine for no contact over Christmas obviously went over her crazy head...
Made a tenner on it though lol as I bet someone that it would end before Christmas.
Go with your gut feeling and you wont go wrong.
Yes I dumped her by text and pointed out that one missed text does not compare to one who missed Christmas as she planned. |
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No ... she did not even have the time to spare to exchange presents .. we live close. That means no contact for the week before Christmas and over Christmas. We had arranged to meet before Christmas say sun or mon.
Sat I went out and forgot to text her as I do most days( obviously she did not text me) got a text late sat I replied saying I was just back from seeing friends.
Reply from her .. obviously when you are busy you dont care for me and dont bother texting.. so dont text me (her) over Christmas.
Coming from someone who was so busy she could not even exchange presents for ten days I found her response to me missing one day texting her crazy.
Like I said she was insulted I missed texting her one day and felt not valued and as I said how was I supposed to feel being totally froze out of any personal contact over Christmas.
She then compounded the situation when she punished me by saying dont bother contacting her over Christmas by text. This for missing one text and compared to being g froze out of Christmas by her ot didnt compare |
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To get this straight here I didnt mind not meeting family ... it was not even being given a hour in a coffee shop in ten days to exchange gifts and experience something special. She then goes nuts when I dont text her once for one day.
If she cannot find the time to even see me once over Christmas why is she entitled to be insulted when I miss texting her one day
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"
She hasn't even actually said that, you're just assuming you don't see her/ speak to her/ text her for 3 weeks.
Honestly, you're acting unhinged and the term bunny boiler springs to mind. "
This |
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"I’ve read through all this and have come to this conclusion
Mate you need to give her the elbow
Was in a fairly similar situation a few years back so I understand to an extent
Bottom line is irrespective on whether she has her family around or not she simply doesn’t want to see you
Go and find someone who does "
Find some one else. Drama-rama who needs it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Xmas is a mentally busy and stressful time, with many of us having commitments that we'd rather not be doing. I kinda understand why it might be easier to put the physical relationship on hold for the week than try and keep everything balanced
Is it really such a big deal, a week?
Personally I think you are way overreacting OP.. But only you can know what is right for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She’s totally married dude "
My thoughts exactly. Op whichever way I kind of agree with you it’s about compromise and she was being mean I think. But I do think she was possibly attached or married maybe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Insecurity making its ugly presence known on both sides
Time to walk. "
Myself personally don’t think he was being unreasonable in wanting to see the person he’s in a supposedly relationship with over Xmas especially if they live very close proximity. I’m sorry but she could of made more of an effort and if a guy done that to me I’d be thinking there not really arsed about me and I’d walk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk to her
You’ll get different advice from people on here but you’re the only one that can ease your concerns.
Don’t forget some on here are in more than one relationship ....
Talk and see what happens |
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