FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Friends husband

Friends husband

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If you saw your friends husband on here would you tell them. I've recently seen an old work mates husband on here, he's messaged me a few times and I'm m not sure if I should mention it to her. It's obvious she doesn't know he's here from his profile and messages and I'm feeling really guilty and sorry for her as I know she's just had a baby too. And he's not a very nice person..

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Does he know who you are?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Does he know who you are? "

No he's no idea who I am

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Block him and move then there's nothing to see.

That's what we'd do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m in the very small minority, but if it was my husband, I’d want someone to tell me. Even though I’m on here, I’d appreciate that my friend was looking out for me. If I wasn’t on here, I’d appreciate it even more.

Some people say don’t get involved, but ask yourself - what would you want?

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

How close a friend is she?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I wouldn't.

One thing I've learnt in life, it's usually the messenger that gets shot!

If you feel strongly about it, then be prepared for the can of worms and the backlash that will follow.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I just can't help but feel bad for her knowing she's busy with young children and he's out cheating.. Poor lass. Guess it happens a lot.

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'd keep well out of it.

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

Sometimes saying nothing is best especially if she’s just had a baby there could be a hundred reasons he’s playing away yes it’s not rite but I don’t think you’d get any thanks for it it’s between them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't want someone poking their nose into my life so I wouldn't say anything.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman over a year ago

all loved up

I wish someone had told me when my ex was cheating.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

She used to be a very good friend, she's a really lovely woman. We just grew apart as she had children and left work and moved.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’m in the very small minority, but if it was my husband, I’d want someone to tell me. Even though I’m on here, I’d appreciate that my friend was looking out for me. If I wasn’t on here, I’d appreciate it even more.

Some people say don’t get involved, but ask yourself - what would you want? "

That's what I keep thinking, what if it was me getting lied and cheated on

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By *AURA6969TV/TS over a year ago

RUGBY

He could be meeting with her approval just because she's not on here doesn't mean she doesn't know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people say don’t get involved, but ask yourself - what would you want? "

I would want to know too. I'd feel doubly betrayed if my so called friends didn't tell me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you saw your friends husband on here would you tell them. I've recently seen an old work mates husband on here, he's messaged me a few times and I'm m not sure if I should mention it to her. It's obvious she doesn't know he's here from his profile and messages and I'm feeling really guilty and sorry for her as I know she's just had a baby too. And he's not a very nice person..

I wouldn't tell him who I am but I'd ask him how the new baby is.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"He could be meeting with her approval just because she's not on here doesn't mean she doesn't know "

On his message he was asking for discretion as he was married

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I wouldn't tell him who I am but I'd ask him how the new baby is. "

That's brilliant..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people say don’t get involved, but ask yourself - what would you want?

That's what I keep thinking, what if it was me getting lied and cheated on

Any idea what she'd want, though?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

An old work colleague. So not a close friend? Not your drama

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't tell him who I am but I'd ask him how the new baby is. "

That would sound like a stalker .. . and quite threatening.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

DGI

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't tell him who I am but I'd ask him how the new baby is.

That would sound like a stalker .. . and quite threatening. "

How is it threatening?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don't know what she would want.. But she's a lovely woman and certainly wouldn't hurt anyone.

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By *AURA6969TV/TS over a year ago

RUGBY

"He could be meeting with her approval just because she's not on here doesn't mean she doesn't know

On his message he was asking for discretion as he was married

Discretion doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't know just could mean THEY don't want the world to know.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman over a year ago

Victoria, London

i'd avoid him. his friendship you can afford to lose, but not hers and your reputation

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By *adetMan over a year ago

South of Ipswich

How would you even go about telling her? Unless she knows you're on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm single so I have no issue with her knowing I'm here.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

I'd block and mind my own business. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and the messenger is often shot.

It will be your word against his: and you'll lose!

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"He could be meeting with her approval just because she's not on here doesn't mean she doesn't know

On his message he was asking for discretion as he was married

Discretion doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't know just could mean THEY don't want the world to know. "

Exactly!

My partner can do what he likes with whoever he likes but none of my friends or family know this: they wouldn't get it.

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

A town near you perhaps

No, do not tell.

You have absoloutely no idea about their relationship behind closed doors.

Stay out of other peoples drama.

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By *hMyGawdCouple over a year ago

Midlands

It's wrong, he's cheating. People are scum who do this. They have no right to cause so much pain to others (often kids).

Out him

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

I'd leave it seriously

My hubby was on here when our kids were young.

He never did anything about it it was more of a thrill.

At the time if I had known it would have killed me

Now I understand it.

I'd leave it but it's your call.

But it may ruin something that doesn't need ruining.

Jo x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Very mixed views, I'll have to think on it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Very mixed views, I'll have to think on it.

Tell her!

I wish someone had told me when my ex husband was cheating on me. Do the right thing

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By *litterbabeWoman over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"He could be meeting with her approval just because she's not on here doesn't mean she doesn't know

On his message he was asking for discretion as he was married

Discretion doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't know just could mean THEY don't want the world to know.

Exactly!

My partner can do what he likes with whoever he likes but none of my friends or family know this: they wouldn't get it."

This

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No I wouldn’t get involved at all. Not my business. I’ve seen 3 husbands on here. Blocked and forgotten about. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to poke my nose in someone else’s business/relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people say don’t get involved, but ask yourself - what would you want? "

I'd definitely want to know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was in a similar situation years ago. I chose to tell my friend. It all blew up in my face I lost my friend as she believed him. 6 months later she ended up in intensive care thanks to him and him behind bars. So so sad. But I will not get involved ever again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Stay the hell out of it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people say don’t get involved, but ask yourself - what would you want? "

Nailed it there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stay the hell out of it "

This! Can’t believe what I’m reading here!

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By *ex HolesMan over a year ago

Up North

Stay out of it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Theres a reason cops dont like getting in the middle of domestic bustups more than likely they will both turn on you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

100% will blow up in your face and from what your saying you are not close to this person.

Block and move on.

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

She will know, women can usually tell.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have had 3 friends husbands on here message me on here not realising I know their wives...all 3 had recently had babies as well. If they have been close friends who knew I am fab I would tell them, but I decided to keep it to myself and block. I dont need the drama

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I wouldn't tell him who I am but I'd ask him how the new baby is. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If she's just had a new baby it will be the last thing she will want to hear and could cause loads of damage. She'll find out organically in her own time if he is that much of an arse. Leave well alone.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Why is it her you need to tell? Why aren't you asking if you should tell him that you know who he is and has a wife and new baby?

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By *estivalMan over a year ago

borehamwood

steer well clear use the block button and move on. pretty sure u would come out of it looking like the bad person.fair .... not really but sure he will fuck up all by himself eventually.save yaself a load of drama

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

There's another thread running at the moment entitled "innocent until proven guilty". Just saying

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By *s_bettyboopWoman over a year ago

-3

Nope I would block and move on.

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By *urple-roseWoman over a year ago

Stoke

When I first joined my mum’s fiancé messaged me not know who I was. I told my mum but she’s still with him

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple over a year ago

Cumbria

"Block him and move then there's nothing to see.

That's what we'd do. "

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"When I first joined my mum’s fiancé messaged me not know who I was. I told my mum but she’s still with him "

Blimey! That's a shocker for sure

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

How do you know she doesn't know he's on here?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Block and ignore, it'd be a lot of explaining anyway as to why you're here yourself if you were gonna tell her he was here. You never know the full picture either, unless you do..... ....an easier solution night be to message the dude anonymously and tell him you know what he's up to, it might give him a fright. But I'd stay out of other ppl's relationships generally, you could end up losing your friend....

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By *urple-roseWoman over a year ago

Stoke

"When I first joined my mum’s fiancé messaged me not know who I was. I told my mum but she’s still with him

Blimey! That's a shocker for sure"

He made out that someone stole his pics & was pretending to be him lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s a case of you can’t do right from wrong with this one. I can’t offer any advice because it’s a toughie. I sway more to not saying anything. Cheater most (not always) get caught out x

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"When I first joined my mum’s fiancé messaged me not know who I was. I told my mum but she’s still with him

Blimey! That's a shocker for sure

He made out that someone stole his pics & was pretending to be him lol "

Joking aside it does happen.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know it's not right but I would say the same thing as he did about someone stealing his identity too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I was close to her and I cared about her then yes, I wouldn't hesitate to let her know. She might know he's on here and be OK with it but what if she doesn't? I couldn't keep something as serious as cheating from a person I cared about.

If it was just an acquaintance I wouldn't get involved.

It's your call.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Omg so much drama here...

Unfortunately I’m a cheater, so can provide a different perspective. I got my reasons for doing this. I’ve discussed them with her. But still she wouldn’t approve finding me here, and essentially would be “the end” for us.

In this case this guy seems to be quite careless if he’s cheating and doesn’t want to be caught. Borderline stupid...

However if she’s a truly good friend you should show her you care for her. Maybe not telling her straight face, but a few hints would help.

And I’d scare him away asking for “his baby and her” and then block him forever.

It would certainly spook me if I were him.

That’s my 2 cents. Waiting for the backslash of criticism...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you do choose to tell her. Make damn sure you have screenshots and other evidence to show her. Beyond a doubt.

And then be there for her. Because she'll need that.

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By *ilveryFoxMan over a year ago

Midlothian

I have old school morals so I’d tell them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a vengeful sounding bunch

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Omg so much drama here...

In this case this guy seems to be quite careless if he’s cheating and doesn’t want to be caught. Borderline stupid...

However if she’s a truly good friend you should show her you care for her. Maybe not telling her straight face, but a few hints would help.

And I’d scare him away asking for “his baby and her” and then block him forever.

It would certainly spook me if I were him.

That’s my 2 cents. Waiting for the backslash of criticism...

I think this might be an idea. Message him. Tell him you know. I think that'd spook me too!!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Omg so much drama here...

In this case this guy seems to be quite careless if he’s cheating and doesn’t want to be caught. Borderline stupid...

However if she’s a truly good friend you should show her you care for her. Maybe not telling her straight face, but a few hints would help.

And I’d scare him away asking for “his baby and her” and then block him forever.

It would certainly spook me if I were him.

That’s my 2 cents. Waiting for the backslash of criticism...

I think this might be an idea. Message him. Tell him you know. I think that'd spook me too!!"

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Omg so much drama here...

In this case this guy seems to be quite careless if he’s cheating and doesn’t want to be caught. Borderline stupid...

However if she’s a truly good friend you should show her you care for her. Maybe not telling her straight face, but a few hints would help.

And I’d scare him away asking for “his baby and her” and then block him forever.

It would certainly spook me if I were him.

That’s my 2 cents. Waiting for the backslash of criticism...

I think this might be an idea. Message him. Tell him you know. I think that'd spook me too!!

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?"

I agree. I don’t think people should get involved at all. But if it was my best friend or my sister I would go to him for definite! Not them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Omg so much drama here...

In this case this guy seems to be quite careless if he’s cheating and doesn’t want to be caught. Borderline stupid...

However if she’s a truly good friend you should show her you care for her. Maybe not telling her straight face, but a few hints would help.

And I’d scare him away asking for “his baby and her” and then block him forever.

It would certainly spook me if I were him.

That’s my 2 cents. Waiting for the backslash of criticism...

I think this might be an idea. Message him. Tell him you know. I think that'd spook me too!!

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?"

Exactly! Don’t extend the drama... keep it concealed to the one creating it... and spooking him you could potentially help your friend more than just telling her...

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Omg so much drama here...

In this case this guy seems to be quite careless if he’s cheating and doesn’t want to be caught. Borderline stupid...

However if she’s a truly good friend you should show her you care for her. Maybe not telling her straight face, but a few hints would help.

And I’d scare him away asking for “his baby and her” and then block him forever.

It would certainly spook me if I were him.

That’s my 2 cents. Waiting for the backslash of criticism...

I think this might be an idea. Message him. Tell him you know. I think that'd spook me too!!

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?

I agree. I don’t think people should get involved at all. But if it was my best friend or my sister I would go to him for definite! Not them. "

In any other situation if you saw a friend's husband doing something wrong you'd approach him surely.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have old school morals so I’d tell them. "

Same as, it’s a shame that more people don’t.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Omg so much drama here...

In this case this guy seems to be quite careless if he’s cheating and doesn’t want to be caught. Borderline stupid...

However if she’s a truly good friend you should show her you care for her. Maybe not telling her straight face, but a few hints would help.

And I’d scare him away asking for “his baby and her” and then block him forever.

It would certainly spook me if I were him.

That’s my 2 cents. Waiting for the backslash of criticism...

I think this might be an idea. Message him. Tell him you know. I think that'd spook me too!!

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?

Exactly! Don’t extend the drama... keep it concealed to the one creating it... and spooking him you could potentially help your friend more than just telling her...

I wouldn't play games. If I felt I needed to get involved I would just tell them who I was and that they needed to sort their shit out. No spooking, no hiding who I was just straight talking.

But I tend to keep out of other people's relationships, they're generally not my business

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Omg so much drama here...

In this case this guy seems to be quite careless if he’s cheating and doesn’t want to be caught. Borderline stupid...

However if she’s a truly good friend you should show her you care for her. Maybe not telling her straight face, but a few hints would help.

And I’d scare him away asking for “his baby and her” and then block him forever.

It would certainly spook me if I were him.

That’s my 2 cents. Waiting for the backslash of criticism...

I think this might be an idea. Message him. Tell him you know. I think that'd spook me too!!

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?

Exactly! Don’t extend the drama... keep it concealed to the one creating it... and spooking him you could potentially help your friend more than just telling her...

I wouldn't play games. If I felt I needed to get involved I would just tell them who I was and that they needed to sort their shit out. No spooking, no hiding who I was just straight talking.

But I tend to keep out of other people's relationships, they're generally not my business"
well said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does he know who you are? "

Arange a meet with him and take your friend out for coffee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?"

Because the innocent person would be someone I care about and owe my loyalty to and since her partner is *more than likely* doing a shit job of showing her some loyalty I'd rather be the one to do it. I wouldn't give two fucks about him but my friend deserves some respect.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?

Ok. How would you know your friend was innocent before you told her? How would you know she wasn't aware?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?

Ok. How would you know your friend was innocent before you told her? How would you know she wasn't aware?"

I did mention that in my first post, that maybe she knows he's on here and she's fine with it. And it's just not who I am to think hmm, she could be cheating on him too so I'll just stay out of it and leave him to do what he wants!

If someone spotted me on here they'd probably think I was cheating on my partner and if they told him I'd completely understand why. If they didn't tell him then fine, that's their choice. I don't agree with it but I'm just trying to explain why I would tell a friend etc. I just think it's the best option.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?

Ok. How would you know your friend was innocent before you told her? How would you know she wasn't aware?

Yeah, I get it. I'm just discussing

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By *dquestCouple over a year ago

Peterborough

We had a similar situation. Tell.

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By *iger4uWoman over a year ago

In my happy place

OP.. Not your news to tell

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We all have our own reasons for being here ,I’m not in a relationship at the moment. I don’t know if I’ll stay on fab if I meet someone I really like.

I’ll never say never & think we all entitled to privacy and respect. No back lash from me.

Op. Block him & forget. Least says soonest mended x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't poke your nose into things that don't concern you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Difficult one.

My ex cheated regularly!

If someone had told me I'd want to see evidence to prevent him wriggling out of it

ultimately it's gonna be your word against his

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By *uckandbunnyCouple over a year ago

In your bed

Treat others how you want to be treated.

But beware they may not thank you if you do tell them.

Some people are not friends where I'd feel compelled to get involved.

Other friends are tbe type you would give a kidney to and for these I'd risk sticking my head above the parapet.

The whole not your business does not wash with me, I would not see an old lady being conned on her door step and say fuck her none of my business, so equally I would not allow a good friend to be conned.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Treat others how you want to be treated.

But beware they may not thank you if you do tell them.

Some people are not friends where I'd feel compelled to get involved.

Other friends are tbe type you would give a kidney to and for these I'd risk sticking my head above the parapet.

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By *Cocksucker84Man over a year ago

newcastle

If he doesn't know who you are it means you've put provisions in place to remain discreet. Unless you're gonna contact her via a fake social media profile or slip a note through her door you'll risk your own privacy being exploited. And make no mistake, if he finds out you've told his wife you put yourself at risk of him doing the same and soiling your reputation. I'd deffo just block and move on. You don't know their arrangement and the site is full of married men and women.

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By *sianMancMan over a year ago

Manchester

Its a catch 22 OP but the reality is every one on here has something they rather not know about this lifestyle or part of their life they are exploring.

Based on that premise if we are here we have to accept that other people's lives are not our business.

We are not here to police the world. Your parents or siblings could be here doing the same on their respective partners.

So many females and males on here seek discretion from their married loved ones and so my advise is stay out of it.

If you don't agree with him block him for your own sanity but if she can't work him out it's not your job to.

Also telling her may create far more stress in her life. Perhaps she's aware and turns a blind eye to save her marriage or to keep a roof over hee head or for the sake of her kids thus you have really no right to join this site only to police it.

Make sense? What do you think?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Easy. Anonymously tell her

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that a lot of people are reflecting their own experiences here, which I completely understand; potential cheating is a very emotive subject and people base their opinion on what they would want in that situation. It may not be the right course of action though.

If you feel strongly about it OP, then gather evidence and present it to her so she can't be in doubt. Just remember though that love trumps friendship and no one will come out of it clean or unscathed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is a tough subject and not an easy one at all. If it was a stranger then you could argue stay out of it. But a friend? What else is a friend if not someone who always have your back? If his wife knew he was here it would state so in his profile and he would t require discretion.

Chances are he is cheating and she knows nothing. I always have a problem with people who are what I call good weather friends. Sometimes doing the hard thing is the right thing. If she then chooses to believe him then fine, but you did what you thought was best.

I would rather know in my life personally exactly where I stand with people, and people that I can truly depend on even if they give me news I hate.

At the end of the day this really comes down to you. What you can and can’t live with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd tell her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?"

I didn’t cheat... he did. He ended the marriage. It may be a simplistic view but in the end that’s the truth.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?"
erm I think you'll find he did that.

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?erm I think you'll find he did that. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?erm I think you'll find he did that. "

Helped along by meddlers

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?"

I'd rather live with the truth than a lie. And besides, he ended the relationship the minute he dipped his cock elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does he know who you are?

No he's no idea who I am "
keep your nose out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?erm I think you'll find he did that.

Helped along by meddlers"

If my friend told me my husband was on here without my knowledge, she wouldn’t receive any blame for me whatsoever. She wouldn’t be a bloody ‘meddler’ she’d be a life saver

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?erm I think you'll find he did that.

Helped along by meddlers

If my friend told me my husband was on here without my knowledge, she wouldn’t receive any blame for me whatsoever. She wouldn’t be a bloody ‘meddler’ she’d be a life saver "

In the ops case, the friend doesn't appear to be a close one. I doubt she would hold a similar view

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it was a really close friend, I'd tell them. In the same way I'd want to know if I was being cheated on. For those that have said love trumps friendship, I disagree. I was cheated on, and it ended my relationship, not my friendship. It's different for everyone and of course we all have different views, beliefs, morals and values, but I'd want to know and I hope my close friends would tell me too if I was being cheated on. The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies.

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By *igertigerCouple (MM) over a year ago

cc hotel

"Very mixed views, I'll have to think on it.

Nothing to think about it stay out of it. Christmas is around the corner you'd have to be heartless to interfere. It really is none of your business.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?"

It's the person cheating who ends the marriage. Not the person who tells.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies."

But it's not really for you to decide that this is what everyone would want

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"If it was a really close friend, I'd tell them. In the same way I'd want to know if I was being cheated on. For those that have said love trumps friendship, I disagree. I was cheated on, and it ended my relationship, not my friendship. It's different for everyone and of course we all have different views, beliefs, morals and values, but I'd want to know and I hope my close friends would tell me too if I was being cheated on. The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies."

Very well put LMM, morally I just couldn't keep it to myself and I'd not want others to if it were happening to me xx

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies.

But it's not really for you to decide that this is what everyone would want "

I dont think she is? It's her opinion, just as it is yours to keep quiet.

Lifes funny. It takes all sorts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies.

But it's not really for you to decide that this is what everyone would want

I dont think she is? It's her opinion, just as it is yours to keep quiet.

Lifes funny. It takes all sorts."

She kinda is if she would spill to the wife though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't.

One thing I've learnt in life, it's usually the messenger that gets shot!

If you feel strongly about it, then be prepared for the can of worms and the backlash that will follow.

Exactly this.

Think carefully before you say anything.

Nothing good can come of it.

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies.

But it's not really for you to decide that this is what everyone would want

I dont think she is? It's her opinion, just as it is yours to keep quiet.

Lifes funny. It takes all sorts.

She kinda is if she would spill to the wife though "

It's an opinion. It's not up to you or me to decide if it's right or wrong regardless of how we feel.

I agree totally with her, but that's what I mean. Life is full of people who will all act differently. I know what I'd do and what I'd want but it's a very personal choice whether to tell the hurt party.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies.

But it's not really for you to decide that this is what everyone would want "

If it's a good friend, I would know what they'd want me to do. My closest friends, I know inside out and its the sort of thing you talk about with those close to you. Hence why I added that I'd tell close friends. I'm not deciding on what everyone wants, I'm making an educated decision based on a strong relationship, not just someone I'd say hello to in the street.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think this thread got nailed last night tbh..... Two views, pick one or none......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies.

But it's not really for you to decide that this is what everyone would want

Which is quite far removed from what the OP was describing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The argument of it could break up a relationship/family doesn't wash with me, I'd rather have nothing that's based on the truth than a life based on lies.

But it's not really for you to decide that this is what everyone would want

Which is quite far removed from what the OP was describing "

Why?

She's said it's a friend. She's not actually specified the depth of relationship. I'm not apologising for my opinion, I'm fully entitled to it.

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By *ylvie 888Woman over a year ago

Cleethorpes

"I'd leave it seriously

My hubby was on here when our kids were young.

He never did anything about it it was more of a thrill.

At the time if I had known it would have killed me

Now I understand it.

I'd leave it but it's your call.

But it may ruin something that doesn't need ruining.

Jo x "

Yep. With you on this. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Very mixed views, I'll have to think on it.

Nothing to think about it stay out of it. Christmas is around the corner you'd have to be heartless to interfere. It really is none of your business. "

Lol!!

Is he thinking about Christmas and his family when trying to stick his penis in others?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP you said a few messages, right....? Hmmmm.....

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Very mixed views, I'll have to think on it.

Nothing to think about it stay out of it. Christmas is around the corner you'd have to be heartless to interfere. It really is none of your business.

Lol!!

Is he thinking about Christmas and his family when trying to stick his penis in others?"

Very true!! Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well I’ve been that wife and it was a stranger whofound me through social media and told me my husband was on here and shagging about. I’m extremely thankful to him as I would probably still be in marriage based on lies absolutely clueless.

In this situation... For me i would look athow good a friend, do I see her everyday and in turn going to be lying to her. Secondly do you have the evidence to back up what you’re saying,

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"
I'd only tell her if you dont know her very well because more times than not you'd get the blame for being the messenger of bad news, so my advice really is keep out of it, block him

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"OP you said a few messages, right....? Hmmmm.....

Anyone....?

I must be missing something?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP you said a few messages, right....? Hmmmm.....

Anyone....?

I must be missing something?

Same

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"When I first joined my mum’s fiancé messaged me not know who I was. I told my mum but she’s still with him "

Bloody hell that must have been awkward for all concerned.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP you said a few messages, right....? Hmmmm.....

Anyone....?

I must be missing something?

"
shes nosey trying to see how far he'd go, wanting pics etc

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By *ink Panther 123Man over a year ago

Colnbrook

"Block him and move then there's nothing to see.

That's what we'd do. "

This

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

Yep tell her. What have you got to lose?

She needs to know what he’s up to.

Girl power!

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"OP you said a few messages, right....? Hmmmm.....

Anyone....?

I must be missing something?

shes nosey trying to see how far he'd go, wanting pics etc

Or they exchanged a few messages before she realised who he was. I'm sure he won't have face pics on his profile.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP you said a few messages, right....? Hmmmm.....

Anyone....?

No, just you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP you said a few messages, right....? Hmmmm.....

Anyone....?

No, just you. "

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"OP you said a few messages, right....? Hmmmm.....

Anyone....?

No, just you. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My bad, I'll just shush....

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?

I'd rather live with the truth than a lie. And besides, he ended the relationship the minute he dipped his cock elsewhere. "

What is the truth in this instance? I mean the facts rather than an opinion based on what the op has said?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you've already decided?

You dont like him or his beh6, by your own admission.

Depends what your hoping to achie6and why?

Tell your friend as you feel she deserves to know, or tell him you know who he is to try and stop his behaviour?

Would you do that if you had previously thought he was decent?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?

I'd rather live with the truth than a lie. And besides, he ended the relationship the minute he dipped his cock elsewhere.

What is the truth in this instance? I mean the facts rather than an opinion based on what the op has said?"

The answer to that is unknown until the facts are presented from both sides, I'd imagine

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It all depends on how good a friend you are and their circumstances.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?

I'd rather live with the truth than a lie. And besides, he ended the relationship the minute he dipped his cock elsewhere.

What is the truth in this instance? I mean the facts rather than an opinion based on what the op has said?

The answer to that is unknown until the facts are presented from both sides, I'd imagine "

I'd imagine that too. If people want to tell her or him (I respect their opinion if they do) is that what they hope to enable, establishing the facts?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?

I'd rather live with the truth than a lie. And besides, he ended the relationship the minute he dipped his cock elsewhere.

What is the truth in this instance? I mean the facts rather than an opinion based on what the op has said?

The answer to that is unknown until the facts are presented from both sides, I'd imagine

I'd imagine that too. If people want to tell her or him (I respect their opinion if they do) is that what they hope to enable, establishing the facts?"

That all depends on the person. For me, it would be. If its a friend we care about, surely the motive will be support for our friend.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"For those that say they would tell...would it make you feel better to know that you had brought about the end of a marriage and all that entails?

I'd rather live with the truth than a lie. And besides, he ended the relationship the minute he dipped his cock elsewhere.

What is the truth in this instance? I mean the facts rather than an opinion based on what the op has said?

The answer to that is unknown until the facts are presented from both sides, I'd imagine

I'd imagine that too. If people want to tell her or him (I respect their opinion if they do) is that what they hope to enable, establishing the facts?

That all depends on the person. For me, it would be. If its a friend we care about, surely the motive will be support for our friend."

Support, yes.

A situation we were in once. An acquaintances husband took on a second job, he got on well with a woman working there. He started coming home later and later, was moody and irritable etc. Much discussion took place among their friends. One couple went and saw them individually and offered support because they said they were obviously going through a difficult patch, no judgement, no assuming he was having an affair and telling his wife that. The wife accepted the support, he said there was nothing wrong and to leave him alone. Eventually after months of this couple being gently supportive of both a crisis occurred and it became clear that he was suffering from severe depression. The staying out long after work had finished was because he'd just been driving somewhere quiet and just sitting there. The irritability due to the depression. The extra job to try and relieve money worries and the friendship with the woman a distraction. It took a trip to a and e to get that out of him.

So support yeah, I get that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Still going?

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Still going?"

Nippy, I'm lost with your comments. Can you or someone explain please? I feel as though I'm missing a point....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Still going?

Nippy, I'm lost with your comments. Can you or someone explain please? I feel as though I'm missing a point...."

They’re a bit childish tbf.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I told a really good female friend I saw her partner on a dating type site. I said it's not me so don't be angry at me its I respect you know your life and your my friend.

She was absolutely greatful.

But depends on friendship level.

Sometimes saying not my monkey not my circus helps and just block saves problems

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd say go visit your friend and start messaging him while sat next to your friend..

There you will have prove and she can confront him there and than..

Just a thought

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Still going?

Nippy, I'm lost with your comments. Can you or someone explain please? I feel as though I'm missing a point...."

Maybe they went under your head. You seemed to laugh at me earlier, so something must be sinking in. If you don't know then do what I do and ignore and don't stress....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Still going?

Nippy, I'm lost with your comments. Can you or someone explain please? I feel as though I'm missing a point....

They’re a bit childish tbf.

Same for you, beautiful

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Still going?

Nippy, I'm lost with your comments. Can you or someone explain please? I feel as though I'm missing a point....

Maybe they went under your head. You seemed to laugh at me earlier, so something must be sinking in. If you don't know then do what I do and ignore and don't stress....

Oh I'm not stressing

I certainly didnt laugh *at you. Just dont understand your point that's all?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Still going?"

If you don't like the thread, don't comment. I'm pretty sure you start posts that make others roll their eyes, but as respectful grown ups, they walk on by with the saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything".

Maybe do this, instead of this passive aggressive odd thing you have going on here. It's unpleasant.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Still going?

Maybe do this, instead of this passive aggressive odd thing you have going on here. It's unpleasant. "

Nailed it as per

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

How about sticking to the subject!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How about sticking to the subject!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How about sticking to the subject!"

Excellent plan!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How about sticking to the subject!"
love your new avatar

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By *manaWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"How about sticking to the subject!"

Absolutely

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By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

My opinion (& that’s all it is) is if she knows and someone tells her she will just go in do actually know but thanks for telling me’.

I’d want to know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Still going?"

I thought he meant ...”is this thread still going”...couldn’t detect anything passive-aggressive. Nippy generally is a fun sort..wouldnt characterise him as that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Still going?

I thought he meant ...”is this thread still going”...couldn’t detect anything passive-aggressive. Nippy generally is a fun sort..wouldnt characterise him as that."

I did, thanks, but back to the subject as per nice couples comment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If my best friend had found out my ex was cheating, and had told me, I would have been grateful, and maybe got rid of him quicker.

We were friends from very young children though, so I would have respected her reason for telling me.

I would have done the same for her, if I had solid evidence; the same as if she were a sister, or brother. A true friend wouldn't keep something like that from me.

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By *amissCouple over a year ago

chelmsford

If it were someone close to me, I would tell them, because I would want to know, if it were me in that situation.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Aside from the moral conundrum that this thread throws up, it also is quite interesting to see how people react and rationalise things according to their own experiences and transgressions.

For someone who has cheated, this thread must be like a needle in their conscience and explains several posts.

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By *amissCouple over a year ago

chelmsford

Have seen it happen in my family, it was very traumatic, as young children involved.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Aside from the moral conundrum that this thread throws up, it also is quite interesting to see how people react and rationalise things according to their own experiences and transgressions.

For someone who has cheated, this thread must be like a needle in their conscience and explains several posts. "

People are very selfish in the majority. They are basing their answers on what they would like. Not thinking that the other person involved might not like the same.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ok, theres the female code here, do I stand up for another female who's hubby is cheating?

BUT....you say your not bothered if she knows your here,

This is how it WOULD go.... I'm on an adult meeting site, your husband is also on that site looking for casual hookups....I'm so sorry for you.

She confronts hubby....I'm so sorry baby, I love you with all my heart but your tired and stressed with the baby an everything, I didn't know you knew her, I've met her a few times shes now obsessed with me, she's threatened to tell you as she wants me to leave you....BLAR BLAR BLOODY BLAR!

I get the female code but as much as youd like her to know what an utter scumbag shes with let him trip himself up, she'll find out eventually.....block and stay away!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would tell her!! You have nothing to lose. If shes dealing with the kids now on her own, what difference does it make if hes not around anyway. He sounds like a dick anyway. She'll be better off without him!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Deff block and don't get involved

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By *amissCouple over a year ago

chelmsford

"Aside from the moral conundrum that this thread throws up, it also is quite interesting to see how people react and rationalise things according to their own experiences and transgressions.

For someone who has cheated, this thread must be like a needle in their conscience and explains several posts.

People are very selfish in the majority. They are basing their answers on what they would like. Not thinking that the other person involved might not like the same. "

The OP asked 'would you tell them ', people are giving their opinions, maybe based on their own experiences, understandably

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok, theres the female code here, do I stand up for another female who's hubby is cheating?

BUT....you say your not bothered if she knows your here,

This is how it WOULD go.... I'm on an adult meeting site, your husband is also on that site looking for casual hookups....I'm so sorry for you.

I get the female code but as much as youd like her to know what an utter scumbag shes with let him trip himself up, she'll find out eventually.....block and stay away!"

Good point about him saying she's a nutty stalker. The guilty always go down that path. 'Blame the other person, they are innocent'.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She has nothing to lose by telling no, her halo will glow. The poor woman the other end dealing with a new baby has quite a lot more to lose by having an out of the blue revelation dumped on her at a vulnerable time.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I truly don't understand why, if people feel they need to step in, they don't tell the person they think is doing the cheating that they know. It gives them an opportunity to sort their own mess out.

Why is the default always to tell the person perceived to be the innocent party?

Because they could potentially be the one being wronged. If you told the alleged cheating partner then it may stop him in the short term but not stop him doing it when he thinks it has blown over.

To the OP, I would want someone to tell me. Having discussed this with friends before now, I know which ones would want me to tell them and which ones wouldn't

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

just stay out of it its only way, you can’t win whatever happens but if you were a devious person you could send him a private pic of his car outside his house as a warning blow then block him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok, theres the female code here, do I stand up for another female who's hubby is cheating?

BUT....you say your not bothered if she knows your here,

This is how it WOULD go.... I'm on an adult meeting site, your husband is also on that site looking for casual hookups....I'm so sorry for you.

I get the female code but as much as youd like her to know what an utter scumbag shes with let him trip himself up, she'll find out eventually.....block and stay away!

Good point about him saying she's a nutty stalker. The guilty always go down that path. 'Blame the other person, they are innocent'. "

My husband didn't blame the woman he was cheating on me with.

Neither did his brothers blame the women, when they cheated.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"
I had a very similar thing.. my cousins husband messaged me, they too have a small child together, and another on the way, I blocked him.. she may know he's on here, I didn't want the whole family to know my private life by opening that can of worms.. although I'm not hiding anything. It's a struggle, but I'd block

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Still going?

I thought he meant ...”is this thread still going”...couldn’t detect anything passive-aggressive. Nippy generally is a fun sort..wouldnt characterise him as that."

I would say it was more someone trying to stop the thread from carrying on, it happens a lot on here if people don't like the subject.

To that end, for anyone it applies to...if you don't want to read any more of the thread, don't open it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We definitely wouldn’t say anything.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have told a friend. His 'mates' just laughed behind his back that he was being taken for a fool.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Aside from the moral conundrum that this thread throws up, it also is quite interesting to see how people react and rationalise things according to their own experiences and transgressions.

For someone who has cheated, this thread must be like a needle in their conscience and explains several posts.

People are very selfish in the majority. They are basing their answers on what they would like. Not thinking that the other person involved might not like the same.

The OP asked 'would you tell them ', people are giving their opinions, maybe based on their own experiences, understandably

Yep. And I'm making an observation on that. I did it myself. I gave my answer based on the fact that I wouldn't want anyone poking their nose into my business.

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