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Auntie Ps advice line
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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'Sup bitches?
Day off work today wooohoo, but I'm nursing a broken foof. Wish I could say it was from too much boom-bang-a-bang-bang but alas no, a front wedgie at work for 13 hours has caused some discomfort to say the least. If John Merrick had a poontang? Yeah, you get the picture.
What's causing you discomfort?
How can Auntie Peachizzle help today?
Hit me baby one more time
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm going through a dry spell, I cant remember the last time I went this long with someone even looking at my penis.
Its gotten so bad that yesterday, a slammed the brakes on while driving just so something would hold me
Help me out? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've had earache now for the past 5 days. Short of decapitation I'm not sure what to do. I need some no nonsense advice x"
I don't envy you.
I don't advise the VVG method of removal. That would spell bad times ahead, however you could try the Worzel Gummidge approach and swap heads. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm going through a dry spell, I cant remember the last time I went this long with someone even looking at my penis.
Its gotten so bad that yesterday, a slammed the brakes on while driving just so something would hold me
Help me out?"
This is most not good.
Dress up as a puppy and do little howls. You'll be surrounding by loving arms in no time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm going through a dry spell, I cant remember the last time I went this long with someone even looking at my penis.
Its gotten so bad that yesterday, a slammed the brakes on while driving just so something would hold me
Help me out?
This is most not good.
Dress up as a puppy and do little howls. You'll be surrounding by loving arms in no time"
yea nah, I'm fine thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The broken foof has really touched me Peachizzle. I hope the foof goddess looks kindly upon you soon."
The pain is quite astounding.
I'd pay the foof goddess to fix it right now I can't lie, I have work tomorrow and doing the crab walk for 6 hours round a busy restaurant when I'm normally the speed of one of those walky racers doesn't appeal in the slightest. Each step is subjecting my swelling to stabbage from pube regrowth too. Like getting electric shocked from a wire brush I tell thee |
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The state of my house is causing me pain & discomfort!
I've been away for 4 days, the youngest Feral staying with his dad.
He was supposed to just pop in after school to feed the cat.
My fridge is empty, my kitchen a mess.
Don't even start me on the state of the toilet.
Is it too late to send him to the orphanage? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm going through a dry spell, I cant remember the last time I went this long with someone even looking at my penis.
Its gotten so bad that yesterday, a slammed the brakes on while driving just so something would hold me
Help me out?
This is most not good.
Dress up as a puppy and do little howls. You'll be surrounding by loving arms in no time
yea nah, I'm fine thanks"
Fine, put your highest heels on then. When you do the ankle rolly stumble and hit the deck hopefully someone will help you up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm going through a dry spell, I cant remember the last time I went this long with someone even looking at my penis.
Its gotten so bad that yesterday, a slammed the brakes on while driving just so something would hold me
Help me out?
This is most not good.
Dress up as a puppy and do little howls. You'll be surrounding by loving arms in no time
yea nah, I'm fine thanks
Fine, put your highest heels on then. When you do the ankle rolly stumble and hit the deck hopefully someone will help you up "
Bitch you know I never fall in heels  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The state of my house is causing me pain & discomfort!
I've been away for 4 days, the youngest Feral staying with his dad.
He was supposed to just pop in after school to feed the cat.
My fridge is empty, my kitchen a mess.
Don't even start me on the state of the toilet.
Is it too late to send him to the orphanage? "
It is. It's not too late to lock his room with all his stuff in it and not allow him entry until the house is sorted.
I used to do that with my kid at times. Well not a key but I'd hide things I knew he wanted. At one point I'd be asking him to change his bed for a few days, so I hid his wallet under his bottom sheet.
Do your chores dude and you'll reap the rewards |
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Dear Auntie P,
Please can you settle an argument that I am having with a friend.
My mate had the bare faced audacity to proclaim that Maris Piper’s are the greatest potatoes ever(!) Everyone and their Uncles of course knows that King Edwards are the rightful rulers in spud land.
My question is therefore: Was Sue Barker a good tennis player in her day? |
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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
Dear Auntie. Where have you been. l can’t cope So many single ladies are approaching me in the street asking for $5 and winking. I don’t even know these women One even tried to suck my cock and I had to run away. Now there are four big men chasing me around and shouting at me in Russian. Help please |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear AP
I haven’t unloaded the pipe for 3-4 weeks now and I’m meeting a young lady next Friday for a weekend of sex, Do you think it’s worth emptying the tank before we meet ? Or save it ?
"
Well if you're meeting her for the whole weekend then I'd save it. See if you can reenact the scene from Scary Movie where she hits the ceiling propelled by an eruption of man milk |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Auntie P,
Please can you settle an argument that I am having with a friend.
My mate had the bare faced audacity to proclaim that Maris Piper’s are the greatest potatoes ever(!) Everyone and their Uncles of course knows that King Edwards are the rightful rulers in spud land.
My question is therefore: Was Sue Barker a good tennis player in her day? "
Dunno how Sue would fare against the players of today but yeah, she was pretty good at giant ping pong back in the dark ages |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a chest infection and wondering how off putting it would actually be to have someone wheezing and coughing up a lung or two would actually be?
I may also pass out with asthma attack.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Auntie. Where have you been. l can’t cope So many single ladies are approaching me in the street asking for $5 and winking. I don’t even know these women One even tried to suck my cock and I had to run away. Now there are four big men chasing me around and shouting at me in Russian. Help please "
Work has been crazy plus I did busy stuff.
Seriously tho Juicers, Smiffys toy store is cray cray this time of year, get outta there now! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have to choose between practical diy weekend and fun weekend. Help me out......oh yeah, ice pack in a thin cloth on your foof... "
Can you not incorporate fun into practical? It takes longer to get the jobs done granted, but dressing as a cowboy complete with horse will make DIY more interesting.
I may have some peas in the depths of the freezer, buried beneath the mountain of emptiness and ice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't feel very well, even my fingers hurt. What's wrong with me Doc Exquis? What would you prescribe? "
You got a dose of digit-dingleberries, the cure being soaking them in peanut butter and getting the local squirrels to remove it from your hands. They'll give them a massage whilst removing the peanut butter glove. Smooth tho, not crunchy |
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Dear Auntie P,
On a scale of one to flashing my bits in the school playground, how inappropriate is sending my daughter to school with wodges of tissue stuck up her nostrils to absorb the snot avalanche which is currently flowing from the depths of her little noggin?
May your foof be swiftly returned to its former splendour.
Mrs TMN x |
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Dear Auntie P
6 days ago I had a growler smooshed on my face whilst said owner and of said beaver read allowed from her most recent paper “a discourse on the psychological anatomy of a serial swinger”. I was deep in thought on the many variables that are manifest in the liberated lifestyle whilst felating the foo I was pondering what sort of musical accompaniment goes well with this activity.
I would appreciate your thoughts on this to enhance my prodigious pussy perusal in future encounters.
Regards Devon (now Cornwall) |
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"I don't feel very well, even my fingers hurt. What's wrong with me Doc Exquis? What would you prescribe?
You got a dose of digit-dingleberries, the cure being soaking them in peanut butter and getting the local squirrels to remove it from your hands. They'll give them a massage whilst removing the peanut butter glove. Smooth tho, not crunchy "
Not the digit-dingleberries, say it isn't so. I'm all out of squirrels too. Thank you for your advice, I'm off out to the squirrel shop. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Auntie P,
On a scale of one to flashing my bits in the school playground, how inappropriate is sending my daughter to school with wodges of tissue stuck up her nostrils to absorb the snot avalanche which is currently flowing from the depths of her little noggin?
May your foof be swiftly returned to its former splendour.
Mrs TMN x"
It all depends on one vital piece of information....
Is it school photo day?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Auntie P
6 days ago I had a growler smooshed on my face whilst said owner and of said beaver read allowed from her most recent paper “a discourse on the psychological anatomy of a serial swinger”. I was deep in thought on the many variables that are manifest in the liberated lifestyle whilst felating the foo I was pondering what sort of musical accompaniment goes well with this activity.
I would appreciate your thoughts on this to enhance my prodigious pussy perusal in future encounters.
Regards Devon (now Cornwall) "
Ahhhhh, you need to join forces with Sensualover and built a concerto for such occasions.
A fancerto |
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"Dear Auntie P
6 days ago I had a growler smooshed on my face whilst said owner and of said beaver read allowed from her most recent paper “a discourse on the psychological anatomy of a serial swinger”. I was deep in thought on the many variables that are manifest in the liberated lifestyle whilst felating the foo I was pondering what sort of musical accompaniment goes well with this activity.
I would appreciate your thoughts on this to enhance my prodigious pussy perusal in future encounters.
Regards Devon (now Cornwall)
Ahhhhh, you need to join forces with Sensualover and built a concerto for such occasions.
A fancerto "
I was hoping you would say Oompah music due to my extensive collection but will take on board what you have said. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Auntie P
6 days ago I had a growler smooshed on my face whilst said owner and of said beaver read allowed from her most recent paper “a discourse on the psychological anatomy of a serial swinger”. I was deep in thought on the many variables that are manifest in the liberated lifestyle whilst felating the foo I was pondering what sort of musical accompaniment goes well with this activity.
I would appreciate your thoughts on this to enhance my prodigious pussy perusal in future encounters.
Regards Devon (now Cornwall)
Ahhhhh, you need to join forces with Sensualover and built a concerto for such occasions.
A fancerto
I was hoping you would say Oompah music due to my extensive collection but will take on board what you have said. "
Or....... just a thought and no pressure at all, but you could try Oompah music due to your extensive collection. |
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"Dear Auntie P,
On a scale of one to flashing my bits in the school playground, how inappropriate is sending my daughter to school with wodges of tissue stuck up her nostrils to absorb the snot avalanche which is currently flowing from the depths of her little noggin?
May your foof be swiftly returned to its former splendour.
Mrs TMN x
It all depends on one vital piece of information....
Is it school photo day? "
Nope, that was a few weeks ago! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"is a wand worth getting? I have a vibrating dildo but ive seen a few people raving about the wand. worth a try?"
So sorry only just seen this.
A wand is not only worth getting, I also advise purchasing a spare in case first wand goes kersplatt and dies.
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