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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't have to get ready for work for a while so I'm lending you my listening ear.
"Sage advice"
"Legend"
"Oh wise one"
These are just some of the words that have described the selflessness shared by Auntie P in assisting others in their hour of need.
*warning - advice taken may result in getting your sorry arse arrested, put on a register, evicted, outcast, unemployed, selling your soul to Satan or death*
Sooooooo precious ones, what's making you want to electrocute your left pinky toe?
Uncle B may be along at some point but for now he smothered his whole body in lube and is stuck in my lower intestine |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Morning auntie P
Please tell me what to wear for my night out tonight before I throw a big strop  "
Hot dog costume whilst holding a Kermit puppet.
Each time you enter a room you must jump through the door and shout "ALBUQUERQUE" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Auntie P
I'm in a quandary. An ex has got intouch. Is there a possible way of telling him to feck off nicely or do I go the brutal way.
Yours truly Scarlett  "
You ask the question...
"Would you prefer me to tell you what I really think via giant carrier pigeon that will shit on your head with the gusto of an albatross or letter bomb?" |
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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
"Morning auntie P
Please tell me what to wear for my night out tonight before I throw a big strop
Hot dog costume whilst holding a Kermit puppet.
Each time you enter a room you must jump through the door and shout "ALBUQUERQUE""
That outfit will be popular in the theatre. I love it!
Thanks auntie P you're the best  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Morning auntie P
Please tell me what to wear for my night out tonight before I throw a big strop
Hot dog costume whilst holding a Kermit puppet.
Each time you enter a room you must jump through the door and shout "ALBUQUERQUE"
That outfit will be popular in the theatre. I love it!
Thanks auntie P you're the best "
Most welcome sprout |
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"Dear Auntie P
I'm in a quandary. An ex has got intouch. Is there a possible way of telling him to feck off nicely or do I go the brutal way.
Yours truly Scarlett
You ask the question...
"Would you prefer me to tell you what I really think via giant carrier pigeon that will shit on your head with the gusto of an albatross or letter bomb?" "
Not into pigeon shit. Go with the letter bomb  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Auntie P
I'm in a quandary. An ex has got intouch. Is there a possible way of telling him to feck off nicely or do I go the brutal way.
Yours truly Scarlett
You ask the question...
"Would you prefer me to tell you what I really think via giant carrier pigeon that will shit on your head with the gusto of an albatross or letter bomb?"
Not into pigeon shit. Go with the letter bomb "
No ya wally, that's what you reply to him  that should send the message loud n clear without using the actual words "fuck off ya cunt, I don't wanna know" whilst motioning the wanker sign. |
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"Dear Auntie P
I'm in a quandary. An ex has got intouch. Is there a possible way of telling him to feck off nicely or do I go the brutal way.
Yours truly Scarlett
You ask the question...
"Would you prefer me to tell you what I really think via giant carrier pigeon that will shit on your head with the gusto of an albatross or letter bomb?"
Not into pigeon shit. Go with the letter bomb
No ya wally, that's what you reply to him that should send the message loud n clear without using the actual words "fuck off ya cunt, I don't wanna know" whilst motioning the wanker sign."
Love that word wally |
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Dear auntie P,
I was visited by some Jehovah’s Witnesses earlier in the week. They informed me that the end of the world is very soon.
I subsequently enquired if they had therefore suitably armed themselves for the ensuing zombie apocalypse to which they seemed to take offence and abruptly left. My question - which they very rudely failed to answer! - is: If I get bitten by a zombie and turn, will I still go to the afterlife if I subsequently get killed as a zombie? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear auntie P,
I was visited by some Jehovah’s Witnesses earlier in the week. They informed me that the end of the world is very soon.
I subsequently enquired if they had therefore suitably armed themselves for the ensuing zombie apocalypse to which they seemed to take offence and abruptly left. My question - which they very rudely failed to answer! - is: If I get bitten by a zombie and turn, will I still go to the afterlife if I subsequently get killed as a zombie?"
Fuck knows, but get your camera out coz that's next years Halloween pics sorted |
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