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Auntie Ps advice line

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Morning

*rubs eyes*

What's pickling your brain today?

Need valuable life changing decision making advice?

Got an itch you can't scratch and want to find the answers?

Well, here's your chance to get your shit together. Tell me your troubles....

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Morning

*rubs eyes*

What's pickling your brain today?

Need valuable life changing decision making advice?

Got an itch you can't scratch and want to find the answers?

Well, here's your chance to get your shit together. Tell me your troubles...."

Ooh yay! Morning Auntie P

I really really want to go and have sex with lots of men, but I'm bloody knackered between work and running around after the kids. How can I improve the situation?

Yours in anticipation,

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hi Aunty P.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, how do I go about getting my positivity back?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why can't I resist these bacon and mushroom sandwiches on seeded bread with French mustard?

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Oh Auntie P my brain is so pickled it's been stuck in a jar and Tesco have put it in their "Value" range - question is do I buy more than one for the extra Clubcard points?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ooh yay! Morning Auntie P

I really really want to go and have sex with lots of men, but I'm bloody knackered between work and running around after the kids. How can I improve the situation?

Yours in anticipation,

Mrs TMN x "

Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Step 1) locate doppelganger to attend work for you, tell them you have magic beans for them and they'll receive them once the task is complete. If you can't find a doppelganger find one slightly similar and put a sign round their neck saying "steer clear - I have mumps"

Step 2) You send the kids on a mammoth treasure hunt far far away. It doesn't have an end though, the last clue takes them back to the start where they'll find a mobile phone to call you and tell you they're on their way home giving you plenty of warning. They get to choose a pizza for tea as their reward.

Step 3) mumps face and kids taken care of = lie back and open wide baby, you got a penis train a-cumming in your direction! Choo-choooooooo

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hi Aunty P.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, how do I go about getting my positivity back?"

Get back in the cunt and roll back out the other side.

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By *uciyassMan over a year ago

Leeds

O auntie P thank god your back

I’ve just tried in my latex mini and after much huffing and puffing I finally got it over my head. I write now one hand caught in the suspended straps. I need help what can I do to make this journey easier. Should I continue to try and get it on fully or just throw caution to the wind and go out showing my crotch less arse to the public

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why can't I resist these bacon and mushroom sandwiches on seeded bread with French mustard?"

Oh sweet jesus you've fallen foul of the F&B curse.

There is only one answer.

Find a new man crush.

Not a Danish fella as that will make your bacon fetish worse.

Or steal a cow.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Ooh yay! Morning Auntie P

I really really want to go and have sex with lots of men, but I'm bloody knackered between work and running around after the kids. How can I improve the situation?

Yours in anticipation,

Mrs TMN x

Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Step 3) mumps face and kids taken care of = lie back and open wide baby, you got a penis train a-cumming in your direction! Choo-choooooooo "
Oh I wish I could do research on your brain , you're just fucking loopy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Oh Auntie P my brain is so pickled it's been stuck in a jar and Tesco have put it in their "Value" range - question is do I buy more than one for the extra Clubcard points?

Fuck me sideways and call me Fred! You're sitting on a gold mine dear one..... remake of the man with 2 brains.

Dr Hfuhruhurr

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Oh Auntie P my brain is so pickled it's been stuck in a jar and Tesco have put it in their "Value" range - question is do I buy more than one for the extra Clubcard points?

Fuck me sideways and call me Fred! You're sitting on a gold mine dear one..... remake of the man with 2 brains.

Dr Hfuhruhurr "

Ooohh good point - although I fear The Jerk may be more appropriate

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By *ensuallover1000Man over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Dear Auntie P,

Just a quickie; I’ve got a patient here on the table in the operating theatre who was scheduled for an appendectomy.

Unfortunately, as I was attempting to multitask the said operation whilst ogling at boobies on here, I have inadvertently managed to remove the patients spleen however.

My question is: How can I prevent them from suing me for gross malpractice when the anaesthetic wears off?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"O auntie P thank god your back

You give yourself a slap up the chops with your free hand. What fool attempts latex in such sticky, muggy weather.

Caution to the wind - first person to see you can help you out of it.

"Thank God you found me" you cry "they tried to k*dnap me but I fought them off with my strong hand"

Crisis averted

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Oh Auntie P my brain is so pickled it's been stuck in a jar and Tesco have put it in their "Value" range - question is do I buy more than one for the extra Clubcard points?

Fuck me sideways and call me Fred! You're sitting on a gold mine dear one..... remake of the man with 2 brains.

Dr Hfuhruhurr

Ooohh good point - although I fear The Jerk may be more appropriate

Only if it's a clean snatch

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P,

Just a quickie; I’ve got a patient here on the table in the operating theatre who was scheduled for an appendectomy.

Unfortunately, as I was attempting to multitask the said operation whilst ogling at boobies on here, I have inadvertently managed to remove the patients spleen however.

My question is: How can I prevent them from suing me for gross malpractice when the anaesthetic wears off? "

Stab the anaesthetist with memory loss injection, then keep the patient under for the foreseeable whilst you make your sharp exit to Mexico where your new life as Josè begins

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By *ensuallover1000Man over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"Dear Auntie P,

Just a quickie; I’ve got a patient here on the table in the operating theatre who was scheduled for an appendectomy.

Unfortunately, as I was attempting to multitask the said operation whilst ogling at boobies on here, I have inadvertently managed to remove the patients spleen however.

My question is: How can I prevent them from suing me for gross malpractice when the anaesthetic wears off?

Stab the anaesthetist with memory loss injection, then keep the patient under for the foreseeable whilst you make your sharp exit to Mexico where your new life as Josè begins "

Thank you Auntie P - I’m packing my suitcase as I type this! I’ll send you a postcard under my new guise when I arrive.

‘Ándale, Ándale!’

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P,

Just a quickie; I’ve got a patient here on the table in the operating theatre who was scheduled for an appendectomy.

Unfortunately, as I was attempting to multitask the said operation whilst ogling at boobies on here, I have inadvertently managed to remove the patients spleen however.

My question is: How can I prevent them from suing me for gross malpractice when the anaesthetic wears off?

Stab the anaesthetist with memory loss injection, then keep the patient under for the foreseeable whilst you make your sharp exit to Mexico where your new life as Josè begins

Thank you Auntie P - I’m packing my suitcase as I type this! I’ll send you a postcard under my new guise when I arrive.

‘Ándale, Ándale!’ "

Your surname must NOT be Mourinho

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By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Dear Aunty P,

I feel people don't take me seriously....apparently I always turn everything into a sexual/rude/dirty innuendo....is there really a problem with me on a psychological level....is there any hope for me....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Aunty P,

Song writer.

Sexual healing - Marvin Gaye

Innuendo - Queen

Talk dirty to me - Poison

Rude mood - Stevie Ray Vaughan

Use your smut for the greater good.

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By *hebritukCouple over a year ago

London

"Morning

*rubs eyes*

What's pickling your brain today?

Need valuable life changing decision making advice?

Got an itch you can't scratch and want to find the answers?

Where are my car keys?

Well, here's your chance to get your shit together. Tell me your troubles...."

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Aunty P,

You get 2 replies for the price of one for that problem as Auntie P had to very quickly type your advice as she had to attend to serious business right now (at least that's what she said when she disappeared into the khazi nearly quarter of an hour ago carrying a dog-eared copy of Razzle. However I, Uncle B, am her temp cover (can never get a decent temp on such short notice)

Good news my friend, it is not you that has the problem. Indeed it is the surrounding members of the public you encounter in day to day life, for in my humble opinion people who constantly turn an everyday conversation effortlessly into a barrage of smut are worth their weight in gold, for they make life far more entertaining.

Consequently there is plenty of hope, simply move to an area featured in any one of the Carry On Films (known for there factual resemblance to real life) and enquire if there are any new series's of Eurotrash in the pipeline as someone with your skillset should be snapped up right away!

Ooh, she's just emerged from said bog looking rather flustered, must be that damn extractor jamming again...

Much love, Uncle B

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Dear Aunty P,

Ooh, she's just emerged from said bog looking rather flustered, must be that damn extractor jamming again...

Much love, Uncle B"
Now I get it , you're both as nuts as each other , a match made in heaven

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By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Song writer.

Sexual healing - Marvin Gaye

Innuendo - Queen

Talk dirty to me - Poison

Rude mood - Stevie Ray Vaughan

Use your smut for the greater good."

....have I sent you my sex play list before Aunty P....

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By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Ooh, she's just emerged from said bog looking rather flustered, must be that damn extractor jamming again...

Much love, Uncle B"

cheers Uncle B.....I do have a rather good reach accent up my sleeve....not to mention enjoying a nice French tickler.....

eurotrash 2.0, here I come....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Aunty P,

Ooh, she's just emerged from said bog looking rather flustered, must be that damn extractor jamming again...

Much love, Uncle B Now I get it , you're both as nuts as each other , a match made in heaven

He was sane a year ago.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Dear Aunty P,

Ooh, she's just emerged from said bog looking rather flustered, must be that damn extractor jamming again...

Much love, Uncle B Now I get it , you're both as nuts as each other , a match made in heaven

He was sane a year ago.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Song writer.

Sexual healing - Marvin Gaye

Innuendo - Queen

Talk dirty to me - Poison

Rude mood - Stevie Ray Vaughan

Use your smut for the greater good.

....have I sent you my sex play list before Aunty P....

I already knew it.... I read minds.

Right now you're thinking "bullshit, mind reading isn't real"

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By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

I already knew it.... I read minds.

Right now you're thinking "bullshit, mind reading isn't real"

....that and....if she can read my thoughts...I hope Aunty P doesn't post my secret fetish for bed wetting, whilst listing to Chaz & Dave on repeat....

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By *ay4realstr8TV/TS over a year ago

hoyland

Hahahahahaha!!! Jesus! This is what I come here for, my god I’m crying here.. you my dear are legendary

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I already knew it.... I read minds.

Right now you're thinking "bullshit, mind reading isn't real"

....that and....if she can read my thoughts...I hope Aunty P doesn't post my secret fetish for bed wetting, whilst listing to Chaz & Dave on repeat....

One word..... rabbit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hahahahahaha!!! Jesus! This is what I come here for, my god I’m crying here.. you my dear are legendary

Twirls and courtseys whilst whispering...

"I know"

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By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

One word..... rabbit."

Shit a Fucking Brick....

.....bursts in to song....I'm a Believer...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

One word..... rabbit.

Shit a Fucking Brick....

.....bursts in to song....I'm a Believer...

Not a trace of doubt in your mind.

*nods knowingly*

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Auntie P.

Sometimes I like to tuck my penis between my thighs and pretend I have a vagina .

Do I have a problem ??

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Does Mike Waszowski from Monsters Inc. Blink or wink if he shuts his eye?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Sometimes I like to tuck my penis between my thighs and pretend I have a vagina .

Do I have a problem ??"

Hell no, Silence of the Lambs reenactments are encouraged.

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me'

In other news I saw a video the other day of a tampon being removed from a fanjo, followed by a schlong and balls.

Now THAT is tucking it in! Pushed it all right up.

My mind still hasn't computed properly

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Does a straw have one hole or 2?

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Auntie P.

Sometimes I like to tuck my penis between my thighs and pretend I have a vagina .

Do I have a problem ??

Hell no, Silence of the Lambs reenactments are encouraged.

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me'

In other news I saw a video the other day of a tampon being removed from a fanjo, followed by a schlong and balls.

Now THAT is tucking it in! Pushed it all right up.

My mind still hasn't computed properly "
Phew

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Does Mike Waszowski from Monsters Inc. Blink or wink if he shuts his eye?"

What you don't see is his japseye does it at the exact same time so it's definitely a blink.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Does Mike Waszowski from Monsters Inc. Blink or wink if he shuts his eye?

What you don't see is his japseye does it at the exact same time so it's definitely a blink."

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Does a straw have one hole or 2?"

It's one big hole wrapped in plastic/paper/spaghetti *delete as appropriate*

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

If a gorilla shot an alligator with an AR-15 to save a Muslim child while the transgender parent was in the bathroom, how would social media react?

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P. This one has been troubling me a little...

If 2 people kiss is it just 2 arseholes connected by a long messy tube?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

If a gorilla shot an alligator with an AR-15 to save a Muslim child while the transgender parent was in the bathroom, how would social media react?"

Meme heaven. All out meme warfare with people pretending to be offended coz they're too scared to laugh in public view whilst sniggering like a fucking hissing snake out of sight.

In all honesty though, I think they'd all be more shocked that the transgender parent hasn't been stoned to death than the sheer coincidence that there was a gorilla, alligator, muslim child and gun in the same place at the same time.

YOU'RE ALLOWED TO LAUGH AT MEMES PEOPLE - LIVE A LITTLE

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P. This one has been troubling me a little...

If 2 people kiss is it just 2 arseholes connected by a long messy tube?"

Try it, if it tastes like shit you have your answer

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Auntie P.

If a gorilla shot an alligator with an AR-15 to save a Muslim child while the transgender parent was in the bathroom, how would social media react?

Meme heaven. All out meme warfare with people pretending to be offended coz they're too scared to laugh in public view whilst sniggering like a fucking hissing snake out of sight.

YOU'RE ALLOWED TO LAUGH AT MEMES PEOPLE - LIVE A LITTLE "

Same question. Quantify the amount of outrage by daily mail readers using household appliances as a unit of measurement...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

If a gorilla shot an alligator with an AR-15 to save a Muslim child while the transgender parent was in the bathroom, how would social media react?

Meme heaven. All out meme warfare with people pretending to be offended coz they're too scared to laugh in public view whilst sniggering like a fucking hissing snake out of sight.

YOU'RE ALLOWED TO LAUGH AT MEMES PEOPLE - LIVE A LITTLE

Same question. Quantify the amount of outrage by daily mail readers using household appliances as a unit of measurement...

Four score and seventy-twelve dishwashers high

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Ooh yay! Morning Auntie P

I really really want to go and have sex with lots of men, but I'm bloody knackered between work and running around after the kids. How can I improve the situation?

Yours in anticipation,

Mrs TMN x

Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Step 3) mumps face and kids taken care of = lie back and open wide baby, you got a penis train a-cumming in your direction! Choo-choooooooo "

Choo fucking choooooo! Genius. Googling potential doppelgangers right now...

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By *hekaiserMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"Morning

*rubs eyes*

What's pickling your brain today?

Need valuable life changing decision making advice?

Got an itch you can't scratch and want to find the answers?

Well, here's your chance to get your shit together. Tell me your troubles...."

I really want to fuck my friend...but I'm in the friend zone.

How do I get out that zone and in her knickers????

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

If I add milk to a cereal, does that milk become a beverage, a broth or a sauce?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?"

Sadly not yet, leaves on the line or some bollocks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Morning

*rubs eyes*

What's pickling your brain today?

Need valuable life changing decision making advice?

Got an itch you can't scratch and want to find the answers?

Well, here's your chance to get your shit together. Tell me your troubles....

I really want to fuck my friend...but I'm in the friend zone.

How do I get out that zone and in her knickers????"

You say

"Yo bitchfriend, wanna bang?"

She'll either bang your cock with her tuna tunnel or bang your nose with her fist.

Either way you'll be fucked

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

If I add milk to a cereal, does that milk become a beverage, a broth or a sauce?

It becomes a fucking slop if you leave it too long

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?

Sadly not yet, leaves on the line or some bollocks. "

Cocksucking cuntwaffles

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

One that will help a lot of guys.

If a woman replies to a message with OK or Fine (no smiley emojis) how far back through their message thread does a guy have to scroll to find out what he has done wrong?

Can the answer be expressed in interpretive dance please?

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Is there any reason for man buns?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?

Sadly not yet, leaves on the line or some bollocks.

Cocksucking cuntwaffles "

That's what Thomas said but they edited it out!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

One that will help a lot of guys.

If a woman replies to a message with OK or Fine (no smiley emojis) how far back through their message thread does a guy have to scroll to find out what he has done wrong?

Can the answer be expressed in interpretive dance please?"

T'will be the tango. Minus the passion. Just dirty looks and a molotov cocktail final step

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Is there any reason for man buns?"

To grab with gusto and lead him to the throbbing poonani

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?

Sadly not yet, leaves on the line or some bollocks.

Cocksucking cuntwaffles

That's what Thomas said but they edited it out! "

Bloody PC brigade

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?

Sadly not yet, leaves on the line or some bollocks.

Cocksucking cuntwaffles

That's what Thomas said but they edited it out!

Bloody PC brigade "

Playschool was all cocksucking cuntwaffles in my day. Never did me any harm.

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By *hekaiserMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"Morning

*rubs eyes*

What's pickling your brain today?

Need valuable life changing decision making advice?

Got an itch you can't scratch and want to find the answers?

Well, here's your chance to get your shit together. Tell me your troubles....

I really want to fuck my friend...but I'm in the friend zone.

How do I get out that zone and in her knickers????

You say

"Yo bitchfriend, wanna bang?"

She'll either bang your cock with her tuna tunnel or bang your nose with her fist.

Either way you'll be fucked "

Excellent...always been a fan of the rough stuff.

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

How do conjoined twins masturbate? What if one head is horny and the other isn't?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?

Sadly not yet, leaves on the line or some bollocks.

Cocksucking cuntwaffles

That's what Thomas said but they edited it out!

Bloody PC brigade

Playschool was all cocksucking cuntwaffles in my day. Never did me any harm. "

Exactly! look at you now, bukkake meet in the pipeline.

I blame the revocation of free school milk

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P,

If you meet a vegan cross fitter, which do they talk about first?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

How do conjoined twins masturbate? What if one head is horny and the other isn't?"

Now this depends on where they are conjoined and who has what.

Did you see the ones that got married? They are head joined.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?

Sadly not yet, leaves on the line or some bollocks.

Cocksucking cuntwaffles

That's what Thomas said but they edited it out!

Bloody PC brigade

Playschool was all cocksucking cuntwaffles in my day. Never did me any harm.

Exactly! look at you now, bukkake meet in the pipeline.

I blame the revocation of free school milk "

Thatcher thatcher milk snatcher

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P,

If you meet a vegan cross fitter, which do they talk about first?"

I'd need to know what a cross fitter is to give the correct answer.

I'll go will steal a cow.

I'm a little obsessed with cow theft today

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Mrs TMN, has Thomas arrived at the station?

Sadly not yet, leaves on the line or some bollocks.

Cocksucking cuntwaffles

That's what Thomas said but they edited it out!

Bloody PC brigade

Playschool was all cocksucking cuntwaffles in my day. Never did me any harm.

Exactly! look at you now, bukkake meet in the pipeline.

I blame the revocation of free school milk

Thatcher thatcher milk snatcher"

Libido snatcher too.

Like a fun pump in reverse

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

I accidentally said good morning to a stranger I see every day on my way to work.

Should I now change my route or just quit my job?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

I accidentally said good morning to a stranger I see every day on my way to work.

Should I now change my route or just quit my job?"

Move country, it's the only way.

There's a recent influx of Brits to Mexico, sure there's a bandwagon you can jump on.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

I accepted a lift 5 minutes ago, and just realised there is no haribo or internal handles in the back of this van. How can I persuade the driver to drop me off at the library? He appears to be deaf and mute as he isn't answering me...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Why do we kill people who kill people, to show that killing people is wrong?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Pretend you're at a sauna. Lay back and enjoy the ride coz it's about to get very hot in there

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Will Adam Sandler ever make a good movie again? They have all been shit since Waterboy..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Why do we kill people who kill people, to show that killing people is wrong?"

Coz death by celery addiction doesn't have the same punch

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dear Auntie P

I keep trying to type my problem out but I keep getting distracted by your bloody avatar. Help!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Will Adam Sandler ever make a good movie again? They have all been shit since Waterboy.."

Lies.

50 first dates is epic, go wash your mouth out with white dog poo and give me 100 hail legendary P's.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P

I keep trying to type my problem out but I keep getting distracted by your bloody avatar. Help!

Blindfold and braille

Or put some blue tack over my betties. You'll only need a smidgen

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P

I keep trying to type my problem out but I keep getting distracted by your bloody avatar. Help!

Blindfold and braille

Or put some blue tack over my betties. You'll only need a smidgen "

Whoops missed you’ve now got blue tac waffle

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

"Auntie P.

Is there any reason for man buns?

To grab with gusto and lead him to the throbbing poonani "

I'm getting a man bun if that's what happens Aunty P....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P

I keep trying to type my problem out but I keep getting distracted by your bloody avatar. Help!

Blindfold and braille

Or put some blue tack over my betties. You'll only need a smidgen

Whoops missed you’ve now got blue tac waffle "

Fuck sake, I only just got the last dose sorted.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Is there any reason for man buns?

To grab with gusto and lead him to the throbbing poonani

I'm getting a man bun if that's what happens Aunty P....

Even better when she wraps it round her hand and takes you to .... ahhh ohhhh... heaven

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P

I keep trying to type my problem out but I keep getting distracted by your bloody avatar. Help!

Blindfold and braille

Or put some blue tack over my betties. You'll only need a smidgen

Whoops missed you’ve now got blue tac waffle

Fuck sake, I only just got the last dose sorted.

You told me to wear a blindfold - have you never played ‘pin the tail on the donkey’?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P

I keep trying to type my problem out but I keep getting distracted by your bloody avatar. Help!

Blindfold and braille

Or put some blue tack over my betties. You'll only need a smidgen

Whoops missed you’ve now got blue tac waffle

Fuck sake, I only just got the last dose sorted.

You told me to wear a blindfold - have you never played ‘pin the tail on the donkey’?"

I have, I had a donkey-tail penis for a week, I warned those I was playing with gorilla glue was a bad idea but did they listen?

Helicoptering into work was exhilarating

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Can we blame modern technology on the increase in crime? With the removal of phone boxes Superman has nowhere to change.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Auntie P

Will Adam Sandler ever make a good movie again? They have all been shit since Waterboy..

Lies.

50 first dates is epic, go wash your mouth out with white dog poo and give me 100 hail legendary P's."

Nope.. he is just rehashing old shit..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Can we blame modern technology on the increase in crime? With the removal of phone boxes Superman has nowhere to change.

You can blame horse for that one not technology.

Besides, supergran has been a lazy bitch this past decades she needs to up her game

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Will Adam Sandler ever make a good movie again? They have all been shit since Waterboy..

Lies.

50 first dates is epic, go wash your mouth out with white dog poo and give me 100 hail legendary P's.

Nope.. he is just rehashing old shit.. "

Pffffffffffffft

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Auntie P

Can we blame modern technology on the increase in crime? With the removal of phone boxes Superman has nowhere to change.

You can blame horse for that one not technology.

Besides, supergran has been a lazy bitch this past decades she needs to up her game "

Lazy? She died 30 years ago..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Can we blame modern technology on the increase in crime? With the removal of phone boxes Superman has nowhere to change.

You can blame horse for that one not technology.

Besides, supergran has been a lazy bitch this past decades she needs to up her game

Lazy? She died 30 years ago.."

See! She went to sleep and couldn't be bothered to wake back up. Lazy.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why can't I resist these bacon and mushroom sandwiches on seeded bread with French mustard?

Oh sweet jesus you've fallen foul of the F&B curse.

There is only one answer.

Find a new man crush.

Not a Danish fella as that will make your bacon fetish worse.

Or steal a cow."

Where the fuck am I going to keep this cow?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why can't I resist these bacon and mushroom sandwiches on seeded bread with French mustard?

Oh sweet jesus you've fallen foul of the F&B curse.

There is only one answer.

Find a new man crush.

Not a Danish fella as that will make your bacon fetish worse.

Or steal a cow.

Where the fuck am I going to keep this cow?"

Petting zoo in the garden. Bitches love animal lovers.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Even better when she wraps it round her hand and takes you to .... ahhh ohhhh... heaven

.....slips off to the works toilet....time to empty the sack....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Even better when she wraps it round her hand and takes you to .... ahhh ohhhh... heaven

.....slips off to the works toilet....time to empty the sack....

Santa Claus in August, your secret is safe with us

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Auntie P,

I love your sage advice....

But it troubles me that I fear not all people believe the remedies you offer....

How do we deal with these non believers???

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

I have just borrowed a DVD. Latex soccer moms do anal 3.

Do I need to watch episodes 1 and 2 first or will I be ok? I wouldn't want to miss any pertinent plot points.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P,

I love your sage advice....

But it troubles me that I fear not all people believe the remedies you offer....

How do we deal with these non believers???

We let nature do it's thing... those recent earthquakes had nothing to do with fracking, I caused them...they too were non believers.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

I have just borrowed a DVD. Latex soccer moms do anal 3.

Do I need to watch episodes 1 and 2 first or will I be ok? I wouldn't want to miss any pertinent plot points."

You have a DVD player? Dear god child, what's next, Sony Walkman and orange sponge headphones?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Auntie P.

I have just borrowed a DVD. Latex soccer moms do anal 3.

Do I need to watch episodes 1 and 2 first or will I be ok? I wouldn't want to miss any pertinent plot points.

You have a DVD player? Dear god child, what's next, Sony Walkman and orange sponge headphones?"

I have a PS4..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

If Spongebob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom, does that make him a tampon?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

I have just borrowed a DVD. Latex soccer moms do anal 3.

Do I need to watch episodes 1 and 2 first or will I be ok? I wouldn't want to miss any pertinent plot points.

You have a DVD player? Dear god child, what's next, Sony Walkman and orange sponge headphones?

I have a PS4..

Ok, I shan't smite you

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eliWoman over a year ago

Dear Auntie P

My friend's conversation revolves around them and only them constantly. How do I get them to pretend to be interested in me enough for me to want to carry on the friendship?

Yours

Carly Simon

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P,

....I've just nipped into the canteen and seen a fellow worker checking out FAB.....should I embrace them as a fellow deviant or leave them be....I'm not good with intimate work contact....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Does Michael Buble even exist between mid January and November?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why can't I resist these bacon and mushroom sandwiches on seeded bread with French mustard?

Oh sweet jesus you've fallen foul of the F&B curse.

There is only one answer.

Find a new man crush.

Not a Danish fella as that will make your bacon fetish worse.

Or steal a cow.

Where the fuck am I going to keep this cow?

Petting zoo in the garden. Bitches love animal lovers."

Nice! Should I get an alpaca, rabbit, puppy and kitten too?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good afternoon Auntie P.

How do I get my mojo back or how do I attract the laydees to my profile?

More cake?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P

My friend's conversation revolves around them and only them constantly. How do I get them to pretend to be interested in me enough for me to want to carry on the friendship?

Yours

Carly Simon

You tell them to shut up and listen for 2 damn minutes.

Then in your best Kevin and Perey voice you wave your arms and say "ME ME ME, GOD THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT, IT'S SO UNFAIIIIIIIIIR"

Then you calmly tell them a little about your day, your worries, you news. If they but in and change the subject back to them, you send them a mirror in the post with a post it note on the front wishing them a happy life with the person who means so much too them they couldn't even listen for 5 cocking minutes.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P

My friend's conversation revolves around them and only them constantly. How do I get them to pretend to be interested in me enough for me to want to carry on the friendship?

Yours

Carly Simon

You tell them to shut up and listen for 2 damn minutes.

Then in your best Kevin and Perey voice you wave your arms and say "ME ME ME, GOD THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT, IT'S SO UNFAIIIIIIIIIR"

I'm aware the timing changed from 2 to 5 minutes. Friendship is give and take with a touch of flexibility

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Starfish have mouths in the middle of their bodies, but mermaids use them as bras. Are they secretly perverts just getting off on having their nipples chewed on all day?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aunty P,

....I've just nipped into the canteen and seen a fellow worker checking out FAB.....should I embrace them as a fellow deviant or leave them be....I'm not good with intimate work contact....

Check who's near and find their profile!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Is drinking water from a straw the exact opposite of snorkelling?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

Does Michael Buble even exist between mid January and November?"

Nope, he's under my stairs for that time. That guy can sing his sweet tones into my echo chamber through off season

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why can't I resist these bacon and mushroom sandwiches on seeded bread with French mustard?

Oh sweet jesus you've fallen foul of the F&B curse.

There is only one answer.

Find a new man crush.

Not a Danish fella as that will make your bacon fetish worse.

Or steal a cow.

Where the fuck am I going to keep this cow?

Petting zoo in the garden. Bitches love animal lovers.

Nice! Should I get an alpaca, rabbit, puppy and kitten too?"

Outsidey ones yes, insidey ones no. They watch you with their starey eyes when you're doing the do and break the rhythm

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

In some states in America nunchucks are illegal but guns are not. If I tied 2 guns together to create gunchucks would this be legal or illegal?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Good afternoon Auntie P.

How do I get my mojo back or how do I attract the laydees to my profile?

More cake?"

You find your inner Tom Jones, sex bomb sex bomb, if you don't believe in you, no va-jay-jay will either. They can sniff out missing mojo

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Can the older generation claim to have worked harder when their soft drinks contained cocaine? Is that not an unfair advantage?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Starfish have mouths in the middle of their bodies, but mermaids use them as bras. Are they secretly perverts just getting off on having their nipples chewed on all day?"

Perverts in disguise

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P.

In some states in America nunchucks are illegal but guns are not. If I tied 2 guns together to create gunchucks would this be legal or illegal?"

Dragons den.

You're welcome

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Would it be possible to rename precum as prenut butter? It sounds way better and you can skip it into conversation with your partially deaf granny much more easily.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Can the older generation claim to have worked harder when their soft drinks contained cocaine? Is that not an unfair advantage?"

I knew there was a reason I should have been born many moons ago. Unfair advantage.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Would it be possible to rename precum as prenut butter? It sounds way better and you can skip it into conversation with your partially deaf granny much more easily."

Urban dictionary for the win.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Auntie P

My FWB squirts like a fountain as soon as I go near here pussy should I be concerned or just enjoy the shower

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

You find your inner Tom Jones, sex bomb sex bomb, if you don't believe in you, no va-jay-jay will either. They can sniff out missing mojo "

.....so that's what,I emptied into my ex's love glove on so many occasions....mojo....

.....

Aunty P,

Is it true that a male only has a bucket and a half full of his "mojo" in a lifetime??

What happens when I run out???

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

My FWB squirts like a fountain as soon as I go near here pussy should I be concerned or just enjoy the shower "

Get her a she-wee and dart board. If she hits the bullseye she gets the D

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

I heard Jessica Biel is refusing to call her child Batmo

Can we get her to change her mind?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You find your inner Tom Jones, sex bomb sex bomb, if you don't believe in you, no va-jay-jay will either. They can sniff out missing mojo

.....so that's what,I emptied into my ex's love glove on so many occasions....mojo....

.....

Aunty P,

Is it true that a male only has a bucket and a half full of his "mojo" in a lifetime??

What happens when I run out???

Puff of dust. You know like one of those fireworks that you think will be a doozy but it fails and is nowt more than a puff of smoke?

Yeah... that's on it's way

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Auntie P

My FWB squirts like a fountain as soon as I go near here pussy should I be concerned or just enjoy the shower

Get her a she-wee and dart board. If she hits the bullseye she gets the D "

I could just funnel it into a pint glass, there’s enough for everyone

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

I heard Jessica Biel is refusing to call her child Batmo

Can we get her to change her mind?"

I prefer wombat

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

My FWB squirts like a fountain as soon as I go near here pussy should I be concerned or just enjoy the shower

Get her a she-wee and dart board. If she hits the bullseye she gets the D

I could just funnel it into a pint glass, there’s enough for everyone "

Send her to the Amazon. Her services could save the planet

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Auntie P

My FWB squirts like a fountain as soon as I go near here pussy should I be concerned or just enjoy the shower

Get her a she-wee and dart board. If she hits the bullseye she gets the D

I could just funnel it into a pint glass, there’s enough for everyone

Send her to the Amazon. Her services could save the planet "

It might save the planet but o won’t get to fuck her as often, being selfish and all that

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Is it acceptable for me to use my bayonet to conserve ammo at my paintball competition this weekend ?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P,

I was watching the world gala synchronised swimming championships on my lunch...

What happens if on of the team drowned??? Do they all drown???

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Aunt P

Whenever I eat in a restaurant, anywhere, the server always waits until I have just put food in my mouth before they ask me if everything is ok.

Do they receive training in this?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Is it acceptable for me to use my bayonet to conserve ammo at my paintball competition this weekend ?"

Perfectly acceptable, just make sure you're on the team that are firing red balls and you're on easy street

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irlintheRedRed dressWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow

How do you get over having feelings for your fuck buddy??

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aunty P,

I was watching the world gala synchronised swimming championships on my lunch...

What happens if on of the team drowned??? Do they all drown???

So long as they do it in unison or they're synchronisation points are scuppered

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Aunt P

My therapist told me that cheesy gaic bread wasnt an emotion.. it's just food. And now I'm confused. Someone has either been lying to me for years or the therapist is crap.. any advice?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aunt P

Whenever I eat in a restaurant, anywhere, the server always waits until I have just put food in my mouth before they ask me if everything is ok.

Do they receive training in this?"

They do not. Being in the industry myself I can tell you it's one of 2 tactics.

1) you look like a miserable cunt who's gonna moan regardless so they time it just right to avoid confrontation

2) you're eating too damn fast. Slow the fuck down greedoid

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Aunt P

My therapist told me that cheesy garlic bread wasnt an emotion.. it's just food. And now I'm confused. Someone has either been lying to me for years or the therapist is crap.. any advice?"

Amended..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How do you get over having feelings for your fuck buddy??

Buy a cow.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aunt P

My therapist told me that cheesy garlic bread wasnt an emotion.. it's just food. And now I'm confused. Someone has either been lying to me for years or the therapist is crap.. any advice?

Amended..

It's not an emotion you plank. It's the future

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Aunt P

Whenever I eat in a restaurant, anywhere, the server always waits until I have just put food in my mouth before they ask me if everything is ok.

Do they receive training in this?

They do not. Being in the industry myself I can tell you it's one of 2 tactics.

1) you look like a miserable cunt who's gonna moan regardless so they time it just right to avoid confrontation

2) you're eating too damn fast. Slow the fuck down greedoid "

Nah. If I'm eating out I take my time.. if I look miserable its probably because the food is crap..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why can't I resist these bacon and mushroom sandwiches on seeded bread with French mustard?

Oh sweet jesus you've fallen foul of the F&B curse.

There is only one answer.

Find a new man crush.

Not a Danish fella as that will make your bacon fetish worse.

Or steal a cow.

Where the fuck am I going to keep this cow?

Petting zoo in the garden. Bitches love animal lovers.

Nice! Should I get an alpaca, rabbit, puppy and kitten too?

Outsidey ones yes, insidey ones no. They watch you with their starey eyes when you're doing the do and break the rhythm "

How do I get a kitten out of an alpaca's throat?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aunt P

Whenever I eat in a restaurant, anywhere, the server always waits until I have just put food in my mouth before they ask me if everything is ok.

Do they receive training in this?

They do not. Being in the industry myself I can tell you it's one of 2 tactics.

1) you look like a miserable cunt who's gonna moan regardless so they time it just right to avoid confrontation

2) you're eating too damn fast. Slow the fuck down greedoid

Nah. If I'm eating out I take my time.. if I look miserable its probably because the food is crap..

Then the last ditch is you have food in your teeth and they don't want to feel awkward about it

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why can't I resist these bacon and mushroom sandwiches on seeded bread with French mustard?

Oh sweet jesus you've fallen foul of the F&B curse.

There is only one answer.

Find a new man crush.

Not a Danish fella as that will make your bacon fetish worse.

Or steal a cow.

Where the fuck am I going to keep this cow?

Petting zoo in the garden. Bitches love animal lovers.

Nice! Should I get an alpaca, rabbit, puppy and kitten too?

Outsidey ones yes, insidey ones no. They watch you with their starey eyes when you're doing the do and break the rhythm

How do I get a kitten out of an alpaca's throat? "

Pull a moonie at the alpaca as a distraction, then send the rabbit on a rescue mission

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Why does Tommy Lee Jones always look like his kid told him he wants to ride unicycles professionally?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Why does Tommy Lee Jones always look like his kid told him he wants to ride unicycles professionally?

Years of bad decisions and regret

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Are plants actually just feeding us oxygen until we die so they can feed on us? Is this war?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Is it weird that people will lick each other buttholes but if a fork falls on the floor they want a clean one?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P

Help, I met a lovely girl, we kisses had an amazing time, it was wonderful...

The problem is my todger didn't tingle fully...

Is there a problem with it?

She now wants the "D" really bad....what should I do??

Should I just suck it up and give her the D....because I've always been brought up to be kind and polite to people....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Are plants actually just feeding us oxygen until we die so they can feed on us? Is this war?"

Audrey 2.

They don't always wait until you die....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Is it weird that people will lick each other buttholes but if a fork falls on the floor they want a clean one?"

I'll only lick a squeaky clean butthole.

I'm quite certain dirty butthole munchers aren't so fork fussy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aunty P

Help, I met a lovely girl, we kisses had an amazing time, it was wonderful...

The problem is my todger didn't tingle fully...

Is there a problem with it?

She now wants the "D" really bad....what should I do??

Should I just suck it up and give her the D....because I've always been brought up to be kind and polite to people....

If she didn't tickle your pickle there's no shame in it.

Orrrrr you could pop a viagra and run the risk of having this situation continue.

If sparks weren't flying they weren't flying.

Honesty always.

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By *uciyassMan over a year ago

Leeds

Auntie sorry to bother you again but I’ve just taken delivery of my new 9.5 inch dildo and i think I’ve taken on more than I can chew. Should I cut the balls off or the bell end to make it smaller.

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Should I just give up on fab?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie sorry to bother you again but I’ve just taken delivery of my new 9.5 inch dildo and i think I’ve taken on more than I can chew. Should I cut the balls off or the bell end to make it smaller.

Thanks

Naaaaaaaa, you just need the right lady with a soft touch to turn you to mush and ease that baby in

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Should I just give up on fab?"

Well you can start by being less of an Eeyore! Just reading your username gave me anxiety and half emptied my glass.

Postitivy is what's needed! lick a battery, do whatever to lift your outlook

Note* anyone licking batteries knows that fucker will hurt like a bitch and is a twat for even considering it

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By *uciyassMan over a year ago

Leeds

Thanks

Naaaaaaaa, you just need the right lady with a soft touch to turn you to mush and ease that baby in"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What is wrong on my life,

I must get d*unk every night

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks

Naaaaaaaa, you just need the right lady with a soft touch to turn you to mush and ease that baby in

Ohhhh you trollope. I love it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What is wrong on my life,

I must get d*unk every night "

Get a cow, drink milk instead

Clown dwarves are also acceptable distractions. You'll believe you've already had a bottle of vodka of you see those mini me's unicycling round the garden

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By *irthandgirthMan over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Having an issue with the theory of centaurs. Colts can be up and about within hours of birth but human babies cant even hold their heads up for months.. so do they just run around with floppy baby torsos when they are born?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Auntie P

Like the episode of American dad where Stan gets baby legs but reversed.

Fuck knows. I'm guessing colt strength mingled with human savvy = head up baby horse-human

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By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P,

I've just returned to my desk...and I've been left....

A mcvities gold bar, a packet of airwaves and a single bolt....

What is this a sign of/for???

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What is wrong on my life,

I must get d*unk every night

Get a cow, drink milk instead

Clown dwarves are also acceptable distractions. You'll believe you've already had a bottle of vodka of you see those mini me's unicycling round the garden "

Clown dwarves in short supply!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aunty P,

I've just returned to my desk...and I've been left....

A mcvities gold bar, a packet of airwaves and a single bolt....

What is this a sign of/for???

Energy food coz they heard you wanking in the toilet and you need to keep your strength up, chewy in case you were fingering your butt hole at the same time and ate the evidence, the bolt is to whack down your japs to avoid future expulsions

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Oooooooo, there's a fittie on the bus, I may have to fall on his penis as I'm getting off and pretend the bus jerking made me do it.

The first person in quite some time to make my fanny flutter other than B

This moment needs to go down in history. I thought my vaj desire had been broken by my love for my amazeballs OH but yaaaaaay, it's alive!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Dear aunty P.

If travelling on the same bus as you -should the men invest in that luminous spray to out gropers that I have seened on t'internet ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear aunty P.

If travelling on the same bus as you -should the men invest in that luminous spray to out gropers that I have seened on t'internet ?"

Shhhhh granny, I'm checking who's near

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear aunty P.

If travelling on the same bus as you -should the men invest in that luminous spray to out gropers that I have seened on t'internet ?

Shhhhh granny, I'm checking who's near

Besides, falling isn't groping. It's an accident.

Men do it all the time in the shower, those shampoo bottles are always getting in the way just as the shampoo bottle removers in A&E

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dear aunty P.

If travelling on the same bus as you -should the men invest in that luminous spray to out gropers that I have seened on t'internet ?

Shhhhh granny, I'm checking who's near

Besides, falling isn't groping. It's an accident.

Men do it all the time in the shower, those shampoo bottles are always getting in the way just as the shampoo bottle removers in A&E"

He has a man bun, tattoos, neat stubble. I think his face would look just perfect buried in my snatch.

Hot damn!

Balls, I'm getting off next stop.

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By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P,

Just a quickie before we hit the magic number....

I've accidentally pushed the nut to far down my japseye....it's also on the wonk at a funny angle....how best do you recommend to remove this later, as I fear doing this at the desk may get me the sack....again....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aunty P,

Just a quickie before we hit the magic number....

I'm sure you can work it out, release your inner Macgyver.

You have chewing gum...

I shit out and falling on the sexy man bun penis btw.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

*head off to find a bank of batteries*

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