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Writing my film
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm writing a film about a killer wasp.
I've already got Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage lined up for staring roles. So would you like to be in my film and what role would you like? |
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Oooh!Can I be the Wasp expert, who says something along the lines of "I've never seen anything like this before, it's as if the wasps know what we're thinking!"...
I look very good in serious glasses and a lab coat.
I'm tall tho, so Tom may have to stand on a box for our scenes.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oooh!Can I be the Wasp expert, who says something along the lines of "I've never seen anything like this before, it's as if the wasps know what we're thinking!"...
I look very good in serious glasses and a lab coat.
I'm tall tho, so Tom may have to stand on a box for our scenes.
"
You can be one of them. The wasp was engineered to be a super intelligent wasp. That kind of DNA manipulation needs a lot of staffing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I be the wasp? "
No unfortunately I not. You wouldn't be able to fit inside the tiny costume. Since Paul Daniels is dead it's going to be a CGI wasp. A real wasps will be used in non action scenes. |
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"Oooh!Can I be the Wasp expert, who says something along the lines of "I've never seen anything like this before, it's as if the wasps know what we're thinking!"...
I look very good in serious glasses and a lab coat.
I'm tall tho, so Tom may have to stand on a box for our scenes.
You can be one of them. The wasp was engineered to be a super intelligent wasp. That kind of DNA manipulation needs a lot of staffing."
Hmm, I will have to speak to my agent.
Where will you be filming? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can I be the comic side kick who delivers one liners while working with the grizzled cop Two weeks from retirement.
"So is this a Sting operation, or has the captain got a bee in his bonnet, after getting a flea in his ear from city hall"
How did I do  |
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I'd be the one running round, screaming hysterically, flapping my arms wildly.
Just like I do in real life.
I'll stand and stare down a charging bull, but a teeny tiny buzzy insect can reduce me to a quivering wreck! |
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"I'd be the one running round, screaming hysterically, flapping my arms wildly.
Just like I do in real life.
I'll stand and stare down a charging bull, but a teeny tiny buzzy insect can reduce me to a quivering wreck! "
Don't worry, I'd come in, stage right, and save you with a rolled up copy of The People's Friend |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oooh!Can I be the Wasp expert, who says something along the lines of "I've never seen anything like this before, it's as if the wasps know what we're thinking!"...
I look very good in serious glasses and a lab coat.
I'm tall tho, so Tom may have to stand on a box for our scenes.
You can be one of them. The wasp was engineered to be a super intelligent wasp. That kind of DNA manipulation needs a lot of staffing.
Hmm, I will have to speak to my agent.
Where will you be filming?"
filming all over the UK in Wales. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I be the first person to die from multiple stings please? "
You can indeed. That makes you the bus driver however you won't exactly die from the stings.
The wasp gets on your bus and mass panic erupts. You end up driving the bus and everyone on it off the edge of a cliff. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I be the comic side kick who delivers one liners while working with the grizzled cop Two weeks from retirement.
"So is this a Sting operation, or has the captain got a bee in his bonnet, after getting a flea in his ear from city hall"
How did I do "
Only if your happy working with to Tom Cruise and crouching every shot. He's very sensitive about his height. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'd be the one running round, screaming hysterically, flapping my arms wildly.
Just like I do in real life.
I'll stand and stare down a charging bull, but a teeny tiny buzzy insect can reduce me to a quivering wreck!
Don't worry, I'd come in, stage right, and save you with a rolled up copy of The People's Friend "
Unfortunately that won't save you. The wasp is very crafty and ven the FBI can't stop it since it has mind altering abilities. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I play, ‘Extra sitting at bar just out of shot but bumming free booze on set’? "
I haven't got a role for a freeloader.
If your prepared to wear a trilby hat you can be the d*unk guy that is first to see the wasp. Of course nobody believes you and you die unexplained from a freak toaster in shower incident. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
Can I 've a member of the public who gets stung on my cock by the wasp; I'm screaming in pain and the swelling is emense; Scarlett Johansson is a sexy lab assistant who has to suck out the poison to save my life? I have to the line "please save me, take away this unbearable pain... but leave the swelling" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I 've a member of the public who gets stung on my cock by the wasp; I'm screaming in pain and the swelling is emense; Scarlett Johansson is a sexy lab assistant who has to suck out the poison to save my life? I have to the line "please save me, take away this unbearable pain... but leave the swelling""
I'll think about it. although it's not an X Rated film.
I did ask Scarlett Johansson and shes busy with Marvel. You'd have to settle for Pauline Quirke. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Scarlett Johansson and Pauline Quirke; birds of a feva, I don't fink so!
I'll conpomise and settle for Cameron Diaz."
If she's in your sorted. I'll get my top man on casting her  |
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"I'm writing a film about a killer wasp.
I've already got Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage lined up for staring roles. So would you like to be in my film and what role would you like?"
Tom cruise is a good choice, he's perfectly proportioned for riding on the back of a wasp.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"On second thoughts, can I instead play the somewhat cliched, arrogant scientific guy who is incredulous to the whole affair until the moment that I get stung by the beast?"
Of course you can however there are a number of scientific guys, all of which are incineted when the wasp escapes the hermetically sealed lab. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you need me to run, in a vest?
While being chased by wasps or Tom Cruise?
Just so I know what shoes to wear."
Sorry, Bruce Willis has the vest roles in all films by law. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Damsel in distress?  "
Just as long as your ok being boned by the "FBI Guy" played by Tom Cruise.
As with all films with Tom Cruise.
He's on ok FBI Guy.
Meets a beautiful woman
And becomes a better a FBI guy.
|
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"Damsel in distress?
Just as long as your ok being boned by the "FBI Guy" played by Tom Cruise.
As with all films with Tom Cruise.
He's on ok FBI Guy.
Meets a beautiful woman
And becomes a better a FBI guy.
"
I'm in!!!!!!!! Sign me up |
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"Do you need me to run, in a vest?
While being chased by wasps or Tom Cruise?
Just so I know what shoes to wear.
Sorry, Bruce Willis has the vest roles in all films by law."
Ok well can I have some sassy one liners? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you need me to run, in a vest?
While being chased by wasps or Tom Cruise?
Just so I know what shoes to wear.
Sorry, Bruce Willis has the vest roles in all films by law.
Ok well can I have some sassy one liners?"
You can have as many sassy one liners as you want. Just as long as they are wasp pun based. |
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"I think this might have been done. 
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
"
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?"
It's only 1 wasp |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?
It's only 1 wasp"
I never said wasps. |
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"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?
It's only 1 wasp
I never said wasps."
Hmmmm.
Will there be a dance sequence? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?
It's only 1 wasp
I never said wasps.
Hmmmm.
Will there be a dance sequence?"
There won't no.
There is a plane which it gets on board because it's needs to get stateside. however it crashes shortly in a huge fireball killing everyone on board. The wasp survivs of course. |
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"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?
It's only 1 wasp
I never said wasps.
Hmmmm.
Will there be a dance sequence?
There won't no.
There is a plane which it gets on board because it's needs to get stateside. however it crashes shortly in a huge fireball killing everyone on board. The wasp survivs of course."
I think you're missing a trick with no dance sequence...just saying. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?
It's only 1 wasp
I never said wasps.
Hmmmm.
Will there be a dance sequence?
There won't no.
There is a plane which it gets on board because it's needs to get stateside. however it crashes shortly in a huge fireball killing everyone on board. The wasp survivs of course.
I think you're missing a trick with no dance sequence...just saying."
I could shoehorn one in I suppose. Of course they are all going to die in some grizzly way. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?
It's only 1 wasp
I never said wasps.
Hmmmm.
Will there be a dance sequence?
There won't no.
There is a plane which it gets on board because it's needs to get stateside. however it crashes shortly in a huge fireball killing everyone on board. The wasp survivs of course.
I think you're missing a trick with no dance sequence...just saying.
I could shoehorn one in I suppose. Of course they are all going to die in some grizzly way."
The could dance to Oh Shit by the Buzzcocks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?
It's only 1 wasp
I never said wasps.
Hmmmm.
Will there be a dance sequence?
There won't no.
There is a plane which it gets on board because it's needs to get stateside. however it crashes shortly in a huge fireball killing everyone on board. The wasp survivs of course."
Ah, so it's one of those short range wasps then |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think this might have been done.
I think not
You can not just change bee's for wasps and put Tom Cruise in and call it a new film..
It's like putting the wasps on a plane lol..
Now you're muthaf@ckin talking! Is Sameul LJ on board with this OP?
It's only 1 wasp
I never said wasps.
Hmmmm.
Will there be a dance sequence?
There won't no.
There is a plane which it gets on board because it's needs to get stateside. however it crashes shortly in a huge fireball killing everyone on board. The wasp survivs of course.
Ah, so it's one of those short range wasps then"
I dare any wasp to attempt a transatlantic flight unaided.
This is a super intelligent wasp with a sting capable of causing mind control and mild hallucinations. Because it was kept in a lab and had it's DNA tweaked it's a little bit narked so it's out for revenge on the human race. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?"
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
|
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"Can I 've a member of the public who gets stung on my cock by the wasp; I'm screaming in pain and the swelling is emense; Scarlett Johansson is a sexy lab assistant who has to suck out the poison to save my life? I have to the line "please save me, take away this unbearable pain... but leave the swelling"
I'll think about it. although it's not an X Rated film.
I did ask Scarlett Johansson and shes busy with Marvel. You'd have to settle for Pauline Quirke."
Lol! |
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"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
"
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be? |
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By *arex2Couple
over a year ago
Bradford |
"I'm writing a film about a killer wasp.
I've already got Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage lined up for staring roles. So would you like to be in my film and what role would you like?"
Wasp swatter! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?"
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier. |
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"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier."
Wasp 3: This time it's personal.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier.
Wasp 3: This time it's personal...."
Wasp 3 is in space |
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"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier.
Wasp 3: This time it's personal....
Wasp 3 is in space"
Oh that's got award winner written all over it.
Can I wear my vest in that one? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier.
Wasp 3: This time it's personal....
Wasp 3 is in space
Oh that's got award winner written all over it.
Can I wear my vest in that one?"
Is it sparkley with sequins? Everyone knows you have to wear sequins in space. It's the law. |
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"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier.
Wasp 3: This time it's personal....
Wasp 3 is in space
Oh that's got award winner written all over it.
Can I wear my vest in that one?
Is it sparkley with sequins? Everyone knows you have to wear sequins in space. It's the law."
I was thinking more vest and pants like Sigourney in Alien...sensible yet sexy..
But you're the boss. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier.
Wasp 3: This time it's personal....
Wasp 3 is in space
Oh that's got award winner written all over it.
Can I wear my vest in that one?
Is it sparkley with sequins? Everyone knows you have to wear sequins in space. It's the law.
I was thinking more vest and pants like Sigourney in Alien...sensible yet sexy..
But you're the boss."
Ha or a cheerleader outfit. It worked for Buffy. Well kind of. |
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"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier.
Wasp 3: This time it's personal....
Wasp 3 is in space
Oh that's got award winner written all over it.
Can I wear my vest in that one?
Is it sparkley with sequins? Everyone knows you have to wear sequins in space. It's the law.
I was thinking more vest and pants like Sigourney in Alien...sensible yet sexy..
But you're the boss.
Ha or a cheerleader outfit. It worked for Buffy. Well kind of."
Hmmm, it's in my contract that I cant twirl batons, not after the unfortunate incident with the Golden Girls and the massive contusion |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are you just directing, or will you do a cameo, like Hitchcock?
I'm only directing. I wouldn't dream of a cameo it's so clichéd.
Will there be an unexpected final scene after all the credits?
Oh yes almost definitely. Wasp 2 has a synopsis already.
Fantastic. What's the strap line going to be?
Wasp 1: Not all wasps are created equal.
Wasp 2: the wasp is back and this time it's slightly more waspier.
Wasp 3: This time it's personal....
Wasp 3 is in space
Oh that's got award winner written all over it.
Can I wear my vest in that one?
Is it sparkley with sequins? Everyone knows you have to wear sequins in space. It's the law.
I was thinking more vest and pants like Sigourney in Alien...sensible yet sexy..
But you're the boss.
Ha or a cheerleader outfit. It worked for Buffy. Well kind of.
Hmmm, it's in my contract that I cant twirl batons, not after the unfortunate incident with the Golden Girls and the massive contusion "
Any contusion would be an improvement. Bea Arthur looks like she's been chewing a wasp. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm bringing in Charlie Chuck as the comedy support for Nicolas Cage who plays top Wasp advisor to the FBI.
Nicolas Cage: what's happening man! There's no where left to run.
Charlie Chuck: Woof bark at donkey |
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