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Expectation and performance pressure
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"No I don't feel any of that. That's down to the people that I meet. No pressure just go with the flow. No expectations. On either side. I choose my victims wisely. " Snap. | |||
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"No I don't feel any of that. That's down to the people that I meet. No pressure just go with the flow. No expectations. On either side. I choose my victims wisely. " I really don't see it as a performance. Maybe that's the key? | |||
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"On here that's all there is. Veris describing their amazing performance. Pics that show they have fantastic bodies. Profile text demands." My pics show I don't have a fantastic body. | |||
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"On here that's all there is. Veris describing their amazing performance. Pics that show they have fantastic bodies. Profile text demands. My pics show I don't have a fantastic body. " I think you do. | |||
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"On here that's all there is. Veris describing their amazing performance. Pics that show they have fantastic bodies. Profile text demands." Not every profile is like that. | |||
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"I think a lot of this comes down to expectations v communication. We’re in an environment here where people will ‘big up’ their sexual expertise or their fantasies during chatting. In reality can they live up to those things? That’s possibly where the pressure comes from at times but what do I know? "There is that, I also feel that there's the other side to it as well; the expectation to perform or what the other person expects from a meet. Reading the forums and profiles, I sometimes feel that people expect their partner to be the one performing and absolve themselves of any responsibility for the encounter. | |||
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I think that fab skews things, it lets us be open sexually and from that comes expectations. I'm not some kinda sexpert and I don't know loads of tricks. Just because I enjoy sex it doesn't make me any different to other girls and I don't like to feel the pressure to perform. | |||
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"No I don't feel any of that. That's down to the people that I meet. No pressure just go with the flow. No expectations. On either side. I choose my victims wisely. " That's a key and salient point. Also though, the fact that you have to choose your 'victims' carefully points to how prevalent it is. | |||
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"I pretty much always feel pressure and have a lot of hang ups about my "abilities", but am also aware that it's pretty much self-imposed - so just tend to brave it out and take a "what happens happens" view and try and make sure my partner has a pleasurable time regardless. I do think there is a lot of misconception on here such as stories (or even a view incorrectly built from porn) of people going at it all night, or being able to repeat within minutes etc, and that can give rise to performance anxieties, not saying those things don't happen but for some it can lead to the conception that they're not as good as others or even normal - which is actually very wide of the mark. It's all about knowing yourself and your limitations and using them accordingly. I've actually usually been quite honest about my own personal hang ups and limitations and have mostly found that people are understanding and accepting of them and usually take them with a shrug of the shoulders - like I said I'm aware that it's mostly in my own head." What do you think leads to that pressure though, you say that it's self imposed but why? | |||
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"No I don't feel any of that. That's down to the people that I meet. No pressure just go with the flow. No expectations. On either side. I choose my victims wisely. That's a key and salient point. Also though, the fact that you have to choose your 'victims' carefully points to how prevalent it is. " Yes. My partners (sounds a bit less murdery than victims) have to be on a similar level. I couldn't meet anyone that feels too pressured in these situations or who has major hang ups so it affects their ability to just relax. Confidence plays a big part. | |||
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"I've read a few of the recent "worst meet" and "smallest cock" threads and one of the things that struck me was just how much value and expectation some seem to place on their partners ability to 'deliver'. I found it rather unsavoury in places. It also made me wonder if comments like those then lead to a rise in expectations and others feeling the need to make bold claims. " It has the opposite effect on me. I just tend to be brutally honest about my inadequacies | |||
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"I've read a few of the recent "worst meet" and "smallest cock" threads and one of the things that struck me was just how much value and expectation some seem to place on their partners ability to 'deliver'. I found it rather unsavoury in places. It also made me wonder if comments like those then lead to a rise in expectations and others feeling the need to make bold claims. It has the opposite effect on me. I just tend to be brutally honest about my inadequacies" Probably why women prefer friendship with me to sex | |||
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"I pretty much always feel pressure and have a lot of hang ups about my "abilities", but am also aware that it's pretty much self-imposed - so just tend to brave it out and take a "what happens happens" view and try and make sure my partner has a pleasurable time regardless. I do think there is a lot of misconception on here such as stories (or even a view incorrectly built from porn) of people going at it all night, or being able to repeat within minutes etc, and that can give rise to performance anxieties, not saying those things don't happen but for some it can lead to the conception that they're not as good as others or even normal - which is actually very wide of the mark. It's all about knowing yourself and your limitations and using them accordingly. I've actually usually been quite honest about my own personal hang ups and limitations and have mostly found that people are understanding and accepting of them and usually take them with a shrug of the shoulders - like I said I'm aware that it's mostly in my own head. What do you think leads to that pressure though, you say that it's self imposed but why? " Various factors come into play - partly down to the misconception thing I went on to mention, partly down to being aware of my own limitations and other things besides, including nervousness - what I would say, in spite of all that, is I'm aware of it and have over the years learned how to deal with it in my own way, to the point that as far as I'm aware I've (mostly) had no complaints, quite the opposite - which is why I know it's (mostly) all in my head | |||
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"I pretty much always feel pressure and have a lot of hang ups about my "abilities", but am also aware that it's pretty much self-imposed - so just tend to brave it out and take a "what happens happens" view and try and make sure my partner has a pleasurable time regardless. I do think there is a lot of misconception on here such as stories (or even a view incorrectly built from porn) of people going at it all night, or being able to repeat within minutes etc, and that can give rise to performance anxieties, not saying those things don't happen but for some it can lead to the conception that they're not as good as others or even normal - which is actually very wide of the mark. It's all about knowing yourself and your limitations and using them accordingly. I've actually usually been quite honest about my own personal hang ups and limitations and have mostly found that people are understanding and accepting of them and usually take them with a shrug of the shoulders - like I said I'm aware that it's mostly in my own head." Honestly half of these standards men hold themselves to I'm not a fan of but then it's hard to say so as they're so proud of them. I don't want to fuck for hours as I get sore. If we go again I'd rather chill for a bit first. I personally find it painful too deep if it's pounding my cervix so sex with guys with too big cocks can be awkward, especially in certain positions. Personally my best experiences are always with people who work with me to find what works for both of us rather than aiming for a set of pre set expectations that they think make them "good in bed". | |||
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"I've read a few of the recent "worst meet" and "smallest cock" threads and one of the things that struck me was just how much value and expectation some seem to place on their partners ability to 'deliver'. I found it rather unsavoury in places. It also made me wonder if comments like those then lead to a rise in expectations and others feeling the need to make bold claims. " These threads are vulgar and unnecessary imo. Yet you see the same people comment on them who on other threads complain about body shaming. There's just no need for any of it. | |||
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"I pretty much always feel pressure and have a lot of hang ups about my "abilities", but am also aware that it's pretty much self-imposed - so just tend to brave it out and take a "what happens happens" view and try and make sure my partner has a pleasurable time regardless. I do think there is a lot of misconception on here such as stories (or even a view incorrectly built from porn) of people going at it all night, or being able to repeat within minutes etc, and that can give rise to performance anxieties, not saying those things don't happen but for some it can lead to the conception that they're not as good as others or even normal - which is actually very wide of the mark. It's all about knowing yourself and your limitations and using them accordingly. I've actually usually been quite honest about my own personal hang ups and limitations and have mostly found that people are understanding and accepting of them and usually take them with a shrug of the shoulders - like I said I'm aware that it's mostly in my own head. What do you think leads to that pressure though, you say that it's self imposed but why? Various factors come into play - partly down to the misconception thing I went on to mention, partly down to being aware of my own limitations and other things besides, including nervousness - what I would say, in spite of all that, is I'm aware of it and have over the years learned how to deal with it in my own way, to the point that as far as I'm aware I've (mostly) had no complaints, quite the opposite - which is why I know it's (mostly) all in my head" I don’t get complaints because I’ve only had sex with nice people who wouldn’t complain  | |||
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"I've read a few of the recent "worst meet" and "smallest cock" threads and one of the things that struck me was just how much value and expectation some seem to place on their partners ability to 'deliver'. I found it rather unsavoury in places. It also made me wonder if comments like those then lead to a rise in expectations and others feeling the need to make bold claims. " I’ve not read the ‘smallest cock’ thread, but I often wonder if that’s what the thread-OP may sometimes be seeking - the damning responses as titillation. | |||
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"I pretty much always feel pressure and have a lot of hang ups about my "abilities", but am also aware that it's pretty much self-imposed - so just tend to brave it out and take a "what happens happens" view and try and make sure my partner has a pleasurable time regardless. I do think there is a lot of misconception on here such as stories (or even a view incorrectly built from porn) of people going at it all night, or being able to repeat within minutes etc, and that can give rise to performance anxieties, not saying those things don't happen but for some it can lead to the conception that they're not as good as others or even normal - which is actually very wide of the mark. It's all about knowing yourself and your limitations and using them accordingly. I've actually usually been quite honest about my own personal hang ups and limitations and have mostly found that people are understanding and accepting of them and usually take them with a shrug of the shoulders - like I said I'm aware that it's mostly in my own head. Honestly half of these standards men hold themselves to I'm not a fan of but then it's hard to say so as they're so proud of them. I don't want to fuck for hours as I get sore. If we go again I'd rather chill for a bit first. I personally find it painful too deep if it's pounding my cervix so sex with guys with too big cocks can be awkward, especially in certain positions. Personally my best experiences are always with people who work with me to find what works for both of us rather than aiming for a set of pre set expectations that they think make them "good in bed"." And that's exactly it - it *is* misconception about what is "normal" most of the time. Despite what I've said about my own hang ups about my abilities I also *know* that banging away for hours on end doesn't make someone "good in bed" likewise any of the other misconceptions about what does - the *only* thing that makes someone "good in bed" is a mixture of finding a partner (or partners) that you're compatible with and who is willing to explore and find what works best for both of you. Despite my own personal self-doubts I've been lucky enough to have some fantastic sexual encounters in my life which I know have been down to *all* involved finding what works for them. | |||
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"I've read a few of the recent "worst meet" and "smallest cock" threads and one of the things that struck me was just how much value and expectation some seem to place on their partners ability to 'deliver'. I found it rather unsavoury in places. It also made me wonder if comments like those then lead to a rise in expectations and others feeling the need to make bold claims. These threads are vulgar and unnecessary imo. Yet you see the same people comment on them who on other threads complain about body shaming. There's just no need for any of it. " I'm in full agreement with you on this topic. | |||
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"I've read a few of the recent "worst meet" and "smallest cock" threads and one of the things that struck me was just how much value and expectation some seem to place on their partners ability to 'deliver'. I found it rather unsavoury in places. It also made me wonder if comments like those then lead to a rise in expectations and others feeling the need to make bold claims. I’ve not read the ‘smallest cock’ thread, but I often wonder if that’s what the thread-OP may sometimes be seeking - the damning responses as titillation. " Maybe, there are those that enjoy being demeaned and ridiculed. For many though, it's not pleasant to read. | |||
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"I don’t feel any pressure to perform. I get more nervous about the social meeting, having to overcome my shyness and actually chat. I’m alright once we get to having sex because they are just as vulnerable as you and if you’re in their bed then they must have found tou attractive at some level. Sex should be fun. Anybody who waffles on in length about what they’ll do to me, how good they are etc is an instant turn off. I like my sex to come with spontaneity and laughs. That is sexy. "  | |||
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"I pretty much always feel pressure and have a lot of hang ups about my "abilities", but am also aware that it's pretty much self-imposed - so just tend to brave it out and take a "what happens happens" view and try and make sure my partner has a pleasurable time regardless. I do think there is a lot of misconception on here such as stories (or even a view incorrectly built from porn) of people going at it all night, or being able to repeat within minutes etc, and that can give rise to performance anxieties, not saying those things don't happen but for some it can lead to the conception that they're not as good as others or even normal - which is actually very wide of the mark. It's all about knowing yourself and your limitations and using them accordingly. I've actually usually been quite honest about my own personal hang ups and limitations and have mostly found that people are understanding and accepting of them and usually take them with a shrug of the shoulders - like I said I'm aware that it's mostly in my own head. Honestly half of these standards men hold themselves to I'm not a fan of but then it's hard to say so as they're so proud of them. I don't want to fuck for hours as I get sore. If we go again I'd rather chill for a bit first. I personally find it painful too deep if it's pounding my cervix so sex with guys with too big cocks can be awkward, especially in certain positions. Personally my best experiences are always with people who work with me to find what works for both of us rather than aiming for a set of pre set expectations that they think make them "good in bed"." I agree with you. Treating your partner as a person and finding what works between you is the key aspect I believe. However, reading some posts and profiles, that simply isn't the case for many. Expectation and demands are rife. | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. " I always bring along scrabble, just in case  | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. I always bring along scrabble, just in case "I’m good at scrabble | |||
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"A laugh, a giggle, time to relax, to breathe is key for me. I Iike to ease into the sex. No expectations just enjoy the moment. I dont expect anyone to be the greated lover ever, I know I'm not. But I am warm open honest and enthusiastic that's all I need in return. " I agree. I think that’s how I would describe it for me too | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. " I can imagine that is a difficult situation even with an empathetic partner. For me if the other ingredients were there like a good vibe it wouldn't be a problem. I'd be happy to kiss and cuddle and just take it slow. | |||
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"I'd like to say I have no expectations and go with the flow....but secretly I expect my partner to perform well, otherwise I'm not likely to meet them again "This depends on what kind of meet it is for me. You kinda get a feel for different personalities. Those that big themselves up in the best possible way. And those that you know your going to have a more sensual time with. | |||
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"I've read a few of the recent "worst meet" and "smallest cock" threads and one of the things that struck me was just how much value and expectation some seem to place on their partners ability to 'deliver'. I found it rather unsavoury in places. It also made me wonder if comments like those then lead to a rise in expectations and others feeling the need to make bold claims. I’ve not read the ‘smallest cock’ thread, but I often wonder if that’s what the thread-OP may sometimes be seeking - the damning responses as titillation. Maybe, there are those that enjoy being demeaned and ridiculed. For many though, it's not pleasant to read. " Oh I agree, I wasn’t endorsing it. Just pondering. | |||
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"On here that's all there is. Veris describing their amazing performance. Pics that show they have fantastic bodies. Profile text demands." Not me, I tell them up front, small cock, shit shag, fast finisher. I'd like a quid for every time someone's said "oh, you weren't joking........." | |||
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"I'd like to say I have no expectations and go with the flow....but secretly I expect my partner to perform well, otherwise I'm not likely to meet them again
This depends on what kind of meet it is for me. You kinda get a feel for different personalities. Those that big themselves up in the best possible way. And those that you know your going to have a more sensual time with."I know what you mean. I chat and have a social before I meet for sex so I've already gauged their personality. I'm pleased to say I've only been wrong once! | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. " Couldn't agree more bro, and big ups to _ea monkey for posting this one - all too often threads on here focus on abilities and physical features in the wrong way "what's the biggest?", "how long can you last?" etc and it's threads like those that drive the misconceptions I mentioned earlier. As I said, it's about knowing your personal limitations and working with them, as well as finding someone that sees past them - I'm fully aware that the term "stud" is not one that will ever be used to describe me (nor would I want it to be), and am aware of my own limitations (even if some of them are in my head rather than reality) but despite what I've said previously, I'm also aware that I (mostly) know what I'm doing and how to achieve a mutually pleasurable coming together (no pun intended ). | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. I can imagine that is a difficult situation even with an empathetic partner. For me if the other ingredients were there like a good vibe it wouldn't be a problem. I'd be happy to kiss and cuddle and just take it slow." Yep, that was often the cure. However I think that the real issue was in my own mind was the mistaken notion that I considered PVI of paramount importance. Letting go of that was the real psychological challenge for me. | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. I can imagine that is a difficult situation even with an empathetic partner. For me if the other ingredients were there like a good vibe it wouldn't be a problem. I'd be happy to kiss and cuddle and just take it slow." Having a good vibe to hand always helps (just make sure the batteries are good beforehand)
And yeah I know that's not what you meant - just made me grin when I thought of it | |||
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"I'd like to say I have no expectations and go with the flow....but secretly I expect my partner to perform well, otherwise I'm not likely to meet them again "What do you consider to be performing and where does the responsibility lie with you too? | |||
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"On here that's all there is. Veris describing their amazing performance. Pics that show they have fantastic bodies. Profile text demands. My pics show I don't have a fantastic body. I think you do." So do some men. Which proves a fat body can be attractive to some people. | |||
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"I'd like to say I have no expectations and go with the flow....but secretly I expect my partner to perform well, otherwise I'm not likely to meet them again "Do you think how you behave has any bearing on how they perform? | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. I can imagine that is a difficult situation even with an empathetic partner. For me if the other ingredients were there like a good vibe it wouldn't be a problem. I'd be happy to kiss and cuddle and just take it slow. Having a good vibe to hand always helps (just make sure the batteries are good beforehand)
And yeah I know that's not what you meant - just made me grin when I thought of it "I once grabbed extra batteries for mine on the way to a meet. I laughed to myself wondering what he'd think if I pulled a pack out (we could be here for a while) Would it be shock horror or delight. No expectations like  | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. I can imagine that is a difficult situation even with an empathetic partner. For me if the other ingredients were there like a good vibe it wouldn't be a problem. I'd be happy to kiss and cuddle and just take it slow. Having a good vibe to hand always helps (just make sure the batteries are good beforehand)
And yeah I know that's not what you meant - just made me grin when I thought of it
I once grabbed extra batteries for mine on the way to a meet. I laughed to myself wondering what he'd think if I pulled a pack out (we could be here for a while) Would it be shock horror or delight. No expectations like "On a more serious note - that's another misconception - there are guys that would see someone bringing a vibrator or a dildo to a meet as an affront to their abilities - for me it would be (and has been) just an added extra to the experience | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. I can imagine that is a difficult situation even with an empathetic partner. For me if the other ingredients were there like a good vibe it wouldn't be a problem. I'd be happy to kiss and cuddle and just take it slow. Having a good vibe to hand always helps (just make sure the batteries are good beforehand)
And yeah I know that's not what you meant - just made me grin when I thought of it
I once grabbed extra batteries for mine on the way to a meet. I laughed to myself wondering what he'd think if I pulled a pack out (we could be here for a while) Would it be shock horror or delight. No expectations like "I’d be delighted with the preparation but I have a bag full of batteries in my toy bag just in case | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. I can imagine that is a difficult situation even with an empathetic partner. For me if the other ingredients were there like a good vibe it wouldn't be a problem. I'd be happy to kiss and cuddle and just take it slow. Having a good vibe to hand always helps (just make sure the batteries are good beforehand)
And yeah I know that's not what you meant - just made me grin when I thought of it
I once grabbed extra batteries for mine on the way to a meet. I laughed to myself wondering what he'd think if I pulled a pack out (we could be here for a while) Would it be shock horror or delight. No expectations like
On a more serious note - that's another misconception - there are guys that would see someone bringing a vibrator or a dildo to a meet as an affront to their abilities - for me it would be (and has been) just an added extra to the experience "Indeed there are plenty of other things to be enjoying while a portable wand works its magic | |||
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"I had a similar chat with someone last night. Because of how I am around here with posting photos and being a bit flirty and confident he seems to have put me on some kinda pedestal and actually told me I was quite intimidating
I think that fab skews things, it lets us be open sexually and from that comes expectations. I'm not some kinda sexpert and I don't know loads of tricks. Just because I enjoy sex it doesn't make me any different to other girls and I don't like to feel the pressure to perform. "That | |||
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"I think it very much depends on how you meet and converse beforehand. Vying for a detached sex meet often leads people to ramp up their expectations and talk to create energy faster.. I'll only meet someone I click with on a personal level so there would be no sex chat beforehand and no expectation of anything more than connecting with another person in whatever form that took. " I think some sex chat is vital to a good meet. I wouldn't meet someone who has completely different ideas about what makes good sex. If they want completely different things to me it ain't gonna work. How do you create that without sex talk? How do you know you will be able to connect on any level if you don't discuss beforehand? | |||
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"no i just go with the flow" This
Simple | |||
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"I think it very much depends on how you meet and converse beforehand. Vying for a detached sex meet often leads people to ramp up their expectations and talk to create energy faster.. I'll only meet someone I click with on a personal level so there would be no sex chat beforehand and no expectation of anything more than connecting with another person in whatever form that took. I think some sex chat is vital to a good meet. I wouldn't meet someone who has completely different ideas about what makes good sex. If they want completely different things to me it ain't gonna work. How do you create that without sex talk? How do you know you will be able to connect on any level if you don't discuss beforehand?" I think what Saffron was referring to was more the type of "this is what I'm going to do to you" cyber sex type chat than open and honest discussion about sexual likes and dislikes. One isn't absolutely necessary for a good meet, the other is a vital ingredient to help make a meet good | |||
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"I think it very much depends on how you meet and converse beforehand. Vying for a detached sex meet often leads people to ramp up their expectations and talk to create energy faster.. I'll only meet someone I click with on a personal level so there would be no sex chat beforehand and no expectation of anything more than connecting with another person in whatever form that took. I think some sex chat is vital to a good meet. I wouldn't meet someone who has completely different ideas about what makes good sex. If they want completely different things to me it ain't gonna work. How do you create that without sex talk? How do you know you will be able to connect on any level if you don't discuss beforehand?" I don't class them as 'meets'.. the only people I'll have socials with are people I know pretty well via chatting on here and on the phone. The only guys I've had sex with have been friends that became something more. My preference is one person I get to know and develop things with and a huge part of that is the mind. | |||
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"I think it very much depends on how you meet and converse beforehand. Vying for a detached sex meet often leads people to ramp up their expectations and talk to create energy faster.. I'll only meet someone I click with on a personal level so there would be no sex chat beforehand and no expectation of anything more than connecting with another person in whatever form that took. I think some sex chat is vital to a good meet. I wouldn't meet someone who has completely different ideas about what makes good sex. If they want completely different things to me it ain't gonna work. How do you create that without sex talk? How do you know you will be able to connect on any level if you don't discuss beforehand? I think what Saffron was referring to was more the type of "this is what I'm going to do to you" cyber sex type chat than open and honest discussion about sexual likes and dislikes. One isn't absolutely necessary for a good meet, the other is a vital ingredient to help make a meet good "Thankyou oracle! Spot on | |||
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"I think it very much depends on how you meet and converse beforehand. Vying for a detached sex meet often leads people to ramp up their expectations and talk to create energy faster.. I'll only meet someone I click with on a personal level so there would be no sex chat beforehand and no expectation of anything more than connecting with another person in whatever form that took. I think some sex chat is vital to a good meet. I wouldn't meet someone who has completely different ideas about what makes good sex. If they want completely different things to me it ain't gonna work. How do you create that without sex talk? How do you know you will be able to connect on any level if you don't discuss beforehand?" Yes, there's a difference between fantasy wank talk and finding out if you're going to be compatible. | |||
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"I think it very much depends on how you meet and converse beforehand. Vying for a detached sex meet often leads people to ramp up their expectations and talk to create energy faster.. I'll only meet someone I click with on a personal level so there would be no sex chat beforehand and no expectation of anything more than connecting with another person in whatever form that took. I think some sex chat is vital to a good meet. I wouldn't meet someone who has completely different ideas about what makes good sex. If they want completely different things to me it ain't gonna work. How do you create that without sex talk? How do you know you will be able to connect on any level if you don't discuss beforehand? I don't class them as 'meets'.. the only people I'll have socials with are people I know pretty well via chatting on here and on the phone. The only guys I've had sex with have been friends that became something more. My preference is one person I get to know and develop things with and a huge part of that is the mind." Fair enough. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?" not if their honest | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?" I think it would if it was a straight sex meet. If it was two friends that liked each other no.. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?not if their honest" Why would a man be dishonest about experiencing performance challenges? Or do you mean not being open about them and not disclosing them? | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself." Is an erection an expectation? | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?" I think it helps them find someone compatible and means prospective partners are aware and more likely to be understanding. It may well put some off but it would avoid any awkwardness. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others? I think it helps them find someone compatible and means prospective partners are aware and more likely to be understanding. It may well put some off but it would avoid any awkwardness." | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. Is an erection an expectation?" Can't say that has ever been an issue | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?" I think it depends on the person and their expectations. The vast majority of people on this thread have stated that they wouldn't be bothered, looking at other threads recently, I think some would. | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. Is an erection an expectation? Can't say that has ever been an issue" I can | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?" I think it will put off the people who need a certain kind of meet with guaranteed fucking. But that's a good thing as they weren't compatible anyway. I think it will attract other people. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others? I think it depends on the person and their expectations. The vast majority of people on this thread have stated that they wouldn't be bothered, looking at other threads recently, I think some would. " I think it’s a lot more than some. | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself." I don't think it's just a pressure that people put on themselves though. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others? I think it will put off the people who need a certain kind of meet with guaranteed fucking. But that's a good thing as they weren't compatible anyway. I think it will attract other people. " | |||
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"Not really op - no! When I meet someone it’s purely about having a great time together and (if we haven’t already met) getting to know each other! Sex is only part of it! When the sex does happen though - I prefer it as ‘go with the flow’ and unscripted as possible! It’s usually pretty bloody great when it happens! Apologies if I’m not getting my point across well - but hopefully people will get what I mean! " I agree. Great sex is the bonus. If you have a great time, great conversation great sex may come next. | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. Is an erection an expectation?" I would assume a man who asks to meet me from here for sex will be able to get an erection. If he was nervous and struggled I would tell him it doesn't matter (which it wouldn't) and do other things that he was comfortable with. I'm a woman, I don't have to worry about blood flow to a penis-if I don't get wet there's always spit. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?not if their honest Why would a man be dishonest about experiencing performance challenges? Or do you mean not being open about them and not disclosing them?" not disclosing them before the meet | |||
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"No, when I get to that point I just want to have fun, and boy is sex fun!! "aww that's a great attitude  | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?not if their honest Why would a man be dishonest about experiencing performance challenges? Or do you mean not being open about them and not disclosing them?not disclosing them before the meet" They may not realise until confronted with it. The more excited about meeting the person I felt, the more getting an erection could be an issue | |||
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"Not sure I'm convinced it should ever be a "performance". Isn't it always more just two people exploring discovering and learning what satisfies each other. If we feel it becomes a performance, is it really worth it.... As for expectations, the greater the expectation, surely the greater the disappointment if it doesnt live up to the self generated hype. The whole idea of putting on a performance, feels rather like a falsehood. People are individual's, not an audience, after all audiences are just there for their own pleasure, where's the mutual connection in approaching anything, including sex, in that form of self centred way?" I think there a differencs between a performance and you say and sexual performance, as in pleasing your partner in the way they want or desire. It's the latter that I'm getting at. | |||
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"Not sure I'm convinced it should ever be a "performance". Isn't it always more just two people exploring discovering and learning what satisfies each other. If we feel it becomes a performance, is it really worth it.... As for expectations, the greater the expectation, surely the greater the disappointment if it doesnt live up to the self generated hype. The whole idea of putting on a performance, feels rather like a falsehood. People are individual's, not an audience, after all audiences are just there for their own pleasure, where's the mutual connection in approaching anything, including sex, in that form of self centred way? I think there a differencs between a performance and you say and sexual performance, as in pleasing your partner in the way they want or desire. It's the latter that I'm getting at. " | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others? I think it will put off the people who need a certain kind of meet with guaranteed fucking. But that's a good thing as they weren't compatible anyway. I think it will attract other people.
" I mean it will likely attract people who are into lots of foreplay or roleplay, and fucking isn't their main attraction. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others? I think it will put off the people who need a certain kind of meet with guaranteed fucking. But that's a good thing as they weren't compatible anyway. I think it will attract other people.
I mean it will likely attract people who are into lots of foreplay or roleplay, and fucking isn't their main attraction. "I imagined that was what you meant that’s why I grinned | |||
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"Not sure I'm convinced it should ever be a "performance". Isn't it always more just two people exploring discovering and learning what satisfies each other. If we feel it becomes a performance, is it really worth it.... As for expectations, the greater the expectation, surely the greater the disappointment if it doesnt live up to the self generated hype. The whole idea of putting on a performance, feels rather like a falsehood. People are individual's, not an audience, after all audiences are just there for their own pleasure, where's the mutual connection in approaching anything, including sex, in that form of self centred way? I think there a differencs between a performance and you say and sexual performance, as in pleasing your partner in the way they want or desire. It's the latter that I'm getting at. " Me too. Isn't it always far better to be open authentic and as I said above mutually discovering and exploring what it is that satisfies your partner, sharing those experiences and building on them? Rather less of a performance and more a mutual and hopefully reciprocal experience where both parties are able to both express and explore their desires, so that each feels the experience in a positive way? | |||
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"I'd like to say I have no expectations and go with the flow....but secretly I expect my partner to perform well, otherwise I'm not likely to meet them again
What do you consider to be performing and where does the responsibility lie with you too? "Performing is a horrible way to put it. I'm happy to take as much responsibility as my partner to ensure we both have a great time in the bedroom. As I said most of my 'meets' (I hate that term to) have been repeat ones | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. I don't think it's just a pressure that people put on themselves though. " Possibly not, never put pressure on anyone so wouldn't know. | |||
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"I'd like to say I have no expectations and go with the flow....but secretly I expect my partner to perform well, otherwise I'm not likely to meet them again
Do you think how you behave has any bearing on how they perform? "Yes, of course. When I ramp up the sex appeal there's no stopping them | |||
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"Ill be having a read of this later...pressure seems to be a real thing for us guys who are lost in a sea of gym fit guys over egging their capabilities x" I think that's the point of my thread. Not so much that it happens but why it does. Why do people feel that pressure and where does it originate? Why feel the need to claim that you can last all night or breathe through your ears? Do people want and expect that? | |||
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"Ill be having a read of this later...pressure seems to be a real thing for us guys who are lost in a sea of gym fit guys over egging their capabilities x I think that's the point of my thread. Not so much that it happens but why it does. Why do people feel that pressure and where does it originate? Why feel the need to claim that you can last all night or breathe through your ears? Do people want and expect that? " Over compensation for other felt inadequacies? Listening to Kevin Bloody Wilson? Watching professional porn? Fantasy fulfilment? | |||
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"I also see sex as being fun and spontaneous when everything feels right. However, as someone who has suffered with performance difficulties. even in the most conducive of situations, with understanding and empathetic partners, those moments didn’t feel like fun at all. I think threads like this where these issues can be talked about more openly and give the opportunity to reset expectations and reframe attitudes are really important. I can imagine that is a difficult situation even with an empathetic partner. For me if the other ingredients were there like a good vibe it wouldn't be a problem. I'd be happy to kiss and cuddle and just take it slow. Having a good vibe to hand always helps (just make sure the batteries are good beforehand)
And yeah I know that's not what you meant - just made me grin when I thought of it
I once grabbed extra batteries for mine on the way to a meet. I laughed to myself wondering what he'd think if I pulled a pack out (we could be here for a while) Would it be shock horror or delight. No expectations like
On a more serious note - that's another misconception - there are guys that would see someone bringing a vibrator or a dildo to a meet as an affront to their abilities - for me it would be (and has been) just an added extra to the experience "I wouldnt just whip it out like Zorro, it was mentioned beforehand. | |||
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"Ill be having a read of this later...pressure seems to be a real thing for us guys who are lost in a sea of gym fit guys over egging their capabilities x" Not everybody looks for gym fit guys. | |||
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"Ill be having a read of this later...pressure seems to be a real thing for us guys who are lost in a sea of gym fit guys over egging their capabilities x I think that's the point of my thread. Not so much that it happens but why it does. Why do people feel that pressure and where does it originate? Why feel the need to claim that you can last all night or breathe through your ears? Do people want and expect that? " People are probably saying what they think someone wants to hear or think it might attract someone more, but at the end of the day it's just words until you meet up | |||
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"Ill be having a read of this later...pressure seems to be a real thing for us guys who are lost in a sea of gym fit guys over egging their capabilities x Not everybody looks for gym fit guys. " Agreed, I've seen both sides and being fit isn't the draw that people anticipate. | |||
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"Ill be having a read of this later...pressure seems to be a real thing for us guys who are lost in a sea of gym fit guys over egging their capabilities x I think that's the point of my thread. Not so much that it happens but why it does. Why do people feel that pressure and where does it originate? Why feel the need to claim that you can last all night or breathe through your ears? Do people want and expect that? People are probably saying what they think someone wants to hear or think it might attract someone more, but at the end of the day it's just words until you meet up " Very true, it's where that expectation comes from though. I think that porn is only part of the story. | |||
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"Ill be having a read of this later...pressure seems to be a real thing for us guys who are lost in a sea of gym fit guys over egging their capabilities x Not everybody looks for gym fit guys. " Exactly | |||
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"Nope if things don't work well for us I just assume we are not compatible and bid them good bye. That's why I'm not really looking for meets because I have a guaranteed great shag with my fb. We bring out the best bits of each other and we know its always explosive " Dis you have to work at that. Was great from the get go? I had a great fb the sex was some of the best I've had but it took a few nmeets to get there. | |||
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"Ill be having a read of this later...pressure seems to be a real thing for us guys who are lost in a sea of gym fit guys over egging their capabilities x I think that's the point of my thread. Not so much that it happens but why it does. Why do people feel that pressure and where does it originate? Why feel the need to claim that you can last all night or breathe through your ears? Do people want and expect that? People are probably saying what they think someone wants to hear or think it might attract someone more, but at the end of the day it's just words until you meet up Very true, it's where that expectation comes from though. I think that porn is only part of the story. " I think Romantic fiction often portrayed things in a way that creates expectations of what great sex is about. I also imagine we all have a visions or fantasies of what wonderful sex looks like. I’ve heard it often on here that Fab is a place that many people are using to help them fulfil their sexual fantasies- no matter how those fantasies were born. Some of mine have been with me almost a lifetime. I think more than anything that creates a certain level of expectation. | |||
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"Nope if things don't work well for us I just assume we are not compatible and bid them good bye. That's why I'm not really looking for meets because I have a guaranteed great shag with my fb. We bring out the best bits of each other and we know its always explosive Dis you have to work at that. Was great from the get go? I had a great fb the sex was some of the best I've had but it took a few nmeets to get there." The sex was always great from the start to be honest. At our social we realised we were pretty compatible and enjoyed similar things. Our first sex meet was role play. It was never meant to be as regular as it has got. But I'm loving that he has let down his barriers and let me in. The sex was always fulfilling but we lacked in other areas. Now it's pretty damn perfect. Well I think it is anyway. He may come along and say I'm a shit fuck
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"Nope if things don't work well for us I just assume we are not compatible and bid them good bye. That's why I'm not really looking for meets because I have a guaranteed great shag with my fb. We bring out the best bits of each other and we know its always explosive Dis you have to work at that. Was great from the get go? I had a great fb the sex was some of the best I've had but it took a few nmeets to get there. The sex was always great from the start to be honest. At our social we realised we were pretty compatible and enjoyed similar things. Our first sex meet was role play. It was never meant to be as regular as it has got. But I'm loving that he has let down his barriers and let me in. The sex was always fulfilling but we lacked in other areas. Now it's pretty damn perfect. Well I think it is anyway. He may come along and say I'm a shit fuck
"It's great to meet someone you click with. Me and mine were compatible sexually also but not in other areas and never would be. I doubt he'd say that at all | |||
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"This thread is a perfect example of where the expectation and pressure comes from." Care to expand on that? | |||
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similary I dont like people assuming I would be any good just from looking at pictures. Sacks of spuds come in all shapes and sizes.
People should just talk and relax more, it is all a bit of silly fun after all. | |||
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"The best sex is always when you have both pre warned each other you are likely to be awful. I think men must get more nervous as their 'performance' is more on show as it were or more crucial to proceedings. I dont like people telling me they are the best ever as I would be starting out with an attitude of 'I doubt it' similary I dont like people assuming I would be any good just from looking at pictures. Sacks of spuds come in all shapes and sizes.
People should just talk and relax more, it is all a bit of silly fun after all. "Absolutely! No expectations, just relaxed fun! | |||
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"This thread is a perfect example of where the expectation and pressure comes from. Care to expand on that? " People with amazing pics, profiles, veris, saying they often feel intimidated when they meet other people. If *they* are intimidated then there's no hope for the not so great people. | |||
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"This thread is a perfect example of where the expectation and pressure comes from. Care to expand on that? People with amazing pics, profiles, veris, saying they often feel intimidated when they meet other people. If *they* are intimidated then there's no hope for the not so great people. " Or just that everyone is human and can feel nervous no matter their perceived hotness. | |||
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"This thread is a perfect example of where the expectation and pressure comes from. Care to expand on that? People with amazing pics, profiles, veris, saying they often feel intimidated when they meet other people. If *they* are intimidated then there's no hope for the not so great people. Or just that everyone is human and can feel nervous no matter their perceived hotness." That's positive. | |||
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"This thread is a perfect example of where the expectation and pressure comes from. Care to expand on that? People with amazing pics, profiles, veris, saying they often feel intimidated when they meet other people. If *they* are intimidated then there's no hope for the not so great people. Or just that everyone is human and can feel nervous no matter their perceived hotness." *nods* | |||
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"This thread is a perfect example of where the expectation and pressure comes from. Care to expand on that? People with amazing pics, profiles, veris, saying they often feel intimidated when they meet other people. If *they* are intimidated then there's no hope for the not so great people. Or just that everyone is human and can feel nervous no matter their perceived hotness. That's positive. "And right! | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. Is an erection an expectation?" I've met people who struggled to maintain an erection the first few times we've met. Usually down to nerves or poorly fitting condoms. (Still blows my mind that I often know more about the variation in the sizes of condoms and how to tell they're not fitting well than most guys when they're the ones wearing them!) It's not the end of the world and there's still plenty more fun you can have. Obviously I've still met them again to know that it got better after the first few meets. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others?" I've always been open and honest upfront with potential meets about my own self-doubts when it comes to ability - not once has it resulted in that person not wanting to meet me - it usually results in either them offering words of reassurance that it doesn't matter or that they doubt what I am saying, or a mixture of both. | |||
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"This thread is a perfect example of where the expectation and pressure comes from. Care to expand on that? People with amazing pics, profiles, veris, saying they often feel intimidated when they meet other people. If *they* are intimidated then there's no hope for the not so great people. Or just that everyone is human and can feel nervous no matter their perceived hotness." That’s true. After not meeting for 5 years my nerves and excitement were off the scale. Despite my normal self confidence, I shake in these situations because of the adrenaline surge I get. I doubt I’d feel any different even if I was considered hot’. | |||
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"Do you think men being open about performance challenges negatively affects their ability to meet others? I've always been open and honest upfront with potential meets about my own self-doubts when it comes to ability - not once has it resulted in that person not wanting to meet me - it usually results in either them offering words of reassurance that it doesn't matter or that they doubt what I am saying, or a mixture of both." It’s good to hear that works for you. You are very likeable and I imagine those that are interested in you would feel that way. | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. Is an erection an expectation? I've met people who struggled to maintain an erection the first few times we've met. Usually down to nerves or poorly fitting condoms. (Still blows my mind that I often know more about the variation in the sizes of condoms and how to tell they're not fitting well than most guys when they're the ones wearing them!) It's not the end of the world and there's still plenty more fun you can have. Obviously I've still met them again to know that it got better after the first few meets." I think it’s heartwarming to hear for those who do struggle with anxiety over these things that there are plenty of people on Fab who do understand and are patient. | |||
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"Folks, do you feel that the pressure is on you during sex..., " No. It’s a two (or more) way responsibility | |||
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"Honest answer. Yes. I'm very much a go with the flow kinda person, but, I do that thing where I doubt myself. If something is unbalanced in my life, even if it's unrelated to the person/meet I doubt my ability to read signals, I wonder what the other person is thinking or wanting, and instead of being the natural pleaser that I am, and do very well indeed under normal circumstances, I second guess everything and sometimes I could just run away. I feel like I'm letting the person down by not being at my best. I know I'm exquisite when I'm on an even keel, and I also know they'll still have had a bloody good time even if I'm not "at peak" but I still feel like I've wasted an opportunity to create magic, because when I'm in tune, it really is like magic. P" I don’t think I would even consider meeting if my life was out of balance, I’d be too distracted by that, so it’s not surprising you would feel that way. However your progress in how you feel about yourself has been tremendous and you’ll soon be able to your exquisite self at will | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. Is an erection an expectation? I've met people who struggled to maintain an erection the first few times we've met. Usually down to nerves or poorly fitting condoms. (Still blows my mind that I often know more about the variation in the sizes of condoms and how to tell they're not fitting well than most guys when they're the ones wearing them!) It's not the end of the world and there's still plenty more fun you can have. Obviously I've still met them again to know that it got better after the first few meets. I think it’s heartwarming to hear for those who do struggle with anxiety over these things that there are plenty of people on Fab who do understand and are patient. " I have my own issues. I can find some sex positions painful and if it's too deep and is hitting my cervix too much is just hurts. Some men aren't very understanding of that and act like you're a disappointment if they can't pound you hard and deep from behind. Others pit pressure on you to have orgasms from certain activities because it "usually works with other girls". I've been on the receiving end of that kind of bullshit and I'm not about to treat somebody else like that. | |||
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"Nope if things don't work well for us I just assume we are not compatible and bid them good bye. That's why I'm not really looking for meets because I have a guaranteed great shag with my fb. We bring out the best bits of each other and we know its always explosive Dis you have to work at that. Was great from the get go? I had a great fb the sex was some of the best I've had but it took a few nmeets to get there. The sex was always great from the start to be honest. At our social we realised we were pretty compatible and enjoyed similar things. Our first sex meet was role play. It was never meant to be as regular as it has got. But I'm loving that he has let down his barriers and let me in. The sex was always fulfilling but we lacked in other areas. Now it's pretty damn perfect. Well I think it is anyway. He may come along and say I'm a shit fuck
It's great to meet someone you click with. Me and mine were compatible sexually also but not in other areas and never would be.
I doubt he'd say that at all "You doubt correctly! She's a glorious hot fuck. I'd say more but I haven't enough piss to cover this wonderful lamppost. | |||
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"This thread is a perfect example of where the expectation and pressure comes from. Care to expand on that? People with amazing pics, profiles, veris, saying they often feel intimidated when they meet other people. If *they* are intimidated then there's no hope for the not so great people. Or just that everyone is human and can feel nervous no matter their perceived hotness. *nods*" You asked about the pressure that people feel. I was just giving an example, I didn't mean your OP was making people feel bad. Sorry if it came across that way. | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. Is an erection an expectation? I've met people who struggled to maintain an erection the first few times we've met. Usually down to nerves or poorly fitting condoms. (Still blows my mind that I often know more about the variation in the sizes of condoms and how to tell they're not fitting well than most guys when they're the ones wearing them!) It's not the end of the world and there's still plenty more fun you can have. Obviously I've still met them again to know that it got better after the first few meets. I think it’s heartwarming to hear for those who do struggle with anxiety over these things that there are plenty of people on Fab who do understand and are patient. I have my own issues. I can find some sex positions painful and if it's too deep and is hitting my cervix too much is just hurts. Some men aren't very understanding of that and act like you're a disappointment if they can't pound you hard and deep from behind. Others pit pressure on you to have orgasms from certain activities because it "usually works with other girls". I've been on the receiving end of that kind of bullshit and I'm not about to treat somebody else like that." For me the whole point of non-monogamous sex is learning what each other likes and responds to, that’s the fun of the variety. Just expecting stuff that worked with someone else to work for someone new misses the point for me. | |||
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"I don't like pressure. Pressure is a work thing. I also don't like to see the guy I'm with putting himself pressure in order to please me. Just go with it, go with the flow and see what happens. Going into meets with preconditioned expectations is just a recipe for pressure, why do it to yourself. Is an erection an expectation? I've met people who struggled to maintain an erection the first few times we've met. Usually down to nerves or poorly fitting condoms. (Still blows my mind that I often know more about the variation in the sizes of condoms and how to tell they're not fitting well than most guys when they're the ones wearing them!) It's not the end of the world and there's still plenty more fun you can have. Obviously I've still met them again to know that it got better after the first few meets. I think it’s heartwarming to hear for those who do struggle with anxiety over these things that there are plenty of people on Fab who do understand and are patient. I have my own issues. I can find some sex positions painful and if it's too deep and is hitting my cervix too much is just hurts. Some men aren't very understanding of that and act like you're a disappointment if they can't pound you hard and deep from behind. Others pit pressure on you to have orgasms from certain activities because it "usually works with other girls". I've been on the receiving end of that kind of bullshit and I'm not about to treat somebody else like that. For me the whole point of non-monogamous sex is learning what each other likes and responds to, that’s the fun of the variety. Just expecting stuff that worked with someone else to work for someone new misses the point for me." Spot on - and sadly all too often on here we see examples of people that think there's a "one flavour fits all" attitude towards sex - you only have to look at threads like "how do I make someone squirt?" or "how do I get my partner to do anal?" etc for that. Which is why this thread has made such a refreshing change as it shows we're all different, we all have our hang ups and doubts when it comes to our "abilities", but by being grown up about them, discussing them and being willing to work with them rather than letting them get you down it is entirely possible to surmount and overcome them as most of the time they *are* in our own minds. Frankly the type of people Lacey Red and others have referred to are actually the ones with bigger problems than those of us that are more attuned to the needs, insecurities and hang ups of our partners. | |||
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"Yeah especialy as a guy on here. I mean we reguarly have threads abour bad meets abd other topics where the focus from.women is nearly always the guys cock was small or he came quick or that he didnt cum at all . Theres a lot of pressure to put in some kind of pornstar experience where guys need to be able to fuck for hours but also cum on a dime when its time." If you feel like that then maybe you're meeting the wrong people. It shouldn't be that stressful! | |||
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"Yeah especialy as a guy on here. I mean we reguarly have threads abour bad meets abd other topics where the focus from.women is nearly always the guys cock was small or he came quick or that he didnt cum at all . Theres a lot of pressure to put in some kind of pornstar experience where guys need to be able to fuck for hours but also cum on a dime when its time. If you feel like that then maybe you're meeting the wrong people. It shouldn't be that stressful! "I swear it once took me 3 whole years to make a woman cum 
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"Yeah especialy as a guy on here. I mean we reguarly have threads abour bad meets abd other topics where the focus from.women is nearly always the guys cock was small or he came quick or that he didnt cum at all . Theres a lot of pressure to put in some kind of pornstar experience where guys need to be able to fuck for hours but also cum on a dime when its time. If you feel like that then maybe you're meeting the wrong people. It shouldn't be that stressful!
I swear it once took me 3 whole years to make a woman cum
"Because of self imposed pressure and nerves? Or was she really intimidating and demanding? | |||
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"Yeah especialy as a guy on here. I mean we reguarly have threads abour bad meets abd other topics where the focus from.women is nearly always the guys cock was small or he came quick or that he didnt cum at all . Theres a lot of pressure to put in some kind of pornstar experience where guys need to be able to fuck for hours but also cum on a dime when its time. If you feel like that then maybe you're meeting the wrong people. It shouldn't be that stressful!
I swear it once took me 3 whole years to make a woman cum
Because of self imposed pressure and nerves? Or was she really intimidating and demanding? "Oh between you and me 100% her fault she was that demanding she even expected me to turn up on tine
Although of anyone else asks im blaming nerves and medication, i mean i was so out of it i swear i saw a giraffe! | |||
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"Yeah especialy as a guy on here. I mean we reguarly have threads abour bad meets abd other topics where the focus from.women is nearly always the guys cock was small or he came quick or that he didnt cum at all . Theres a lot of pressure to put in some kind of pornstar experience where guys need to be able to fuck for hours but also cum on a dime when its time. If you feel like that then maybe you're meeting the wrong people. It shouldn't be that stressful!
I swear it once took me 3 whole years to make a woman cum
Because of self imposed pressure and nerves? Or was she really intimidating and demanding?
Oh between you and me 100% her fault she was that demanding she even expected me to turn up on tine
Although of anyone else asks im blaming nerves and medication, i mean i was so out of it i swear i saw a giraffe!"The word on the street is that you were 3 hours late! | |||
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"Yeah especialy as a guy on here. I mean we reguarly have threads abour bad meets abd other topics where the focus from.women is nearly always the guys cock was small or he came quick or that he didnt cum at all . Theres a lot of pressure to put in some kind of pornstar experience where guys need to be able to fuck for hours but also cum on a dime when its time. If you feel like that then maybe you're meeting the wrong people. It shouldn't be that stressful!
I swear it once took me 3 whole years to make a woman cum
Because of self imposed pressure and nerves? Or was she really intimidating and demanding?
Oh between you and me 100% her fault she was that demanding she even expected me to turn up on tine
Although of anyone else asks im blaming nerves and medication, i mean i was so out of it i swear i saw a giraffe!
The word on the street is that you were 3 hours late! " which is basicsly 20 miniutes early for me :D | |||
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"I used to. It's not happened for a long time though. I got the keeey, I got the secreeeet lol" Now I want a cookie. An urban cookie. Perhaps more than one. Maybe a collective. | |||
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"I used to. It's not happened for a long time though. I got the keeey, I got the secreeeet lol Now I want a cookie. An urban cookie. Perhaps more than one. Maybe a collective. " I got the keeeeey to a.. | |||
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"I used to. It's not happened for a long time though. I got the keeey, I got the secreeeet lol Now I want a cookie. An urban cookie. Perhaps more than one. Maybe a collective. I got the keeeeey to a.." ...nother way! | |||
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"I used to. It's not happened for a long time though. I got the keeey, I got the secreeeet lol Now I want a cookie. An urban cookie. Perhaps more than one. Maybe a collective. I got the keeeeey to a.. ...nother way!" You're me hero xxx | |||
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"Yeah especialy as a guy on here. I mean we reguarly have threads abour bad meets abd other topics where the focus from.women is nearly always the guys cock was small or he came quick or that he didnt cum at all . Theres a lot of pressure to put in some kind of pornstar experience where guys need to be able to fuck for hours but also cum on a dime when its time. If you feel like that then maybe you're meeting the wrong people. It shouldn't be that stressful! "I agree with that, for that very reason I don't message women who look for vwe or tall guys | |||
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"I used to. It's not happened for a long time though. I got the keeey, I got the secreeeet lol Now I want a cookie. An urban cookie. Perhaps more than one. Maybe a collective. I got the keeeeey to a.. ...nother way! You're me hero xxx" True story. | |||
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"Once you are happy with who you are and are most extremely comfortable with your own abilities/lack of abilities. Learn how to pick the right people for you. Then your performance concerns will probably begin to dry up. If you want to last all night, it's really rather easy. Just stop shagging when you're getting close to cumming. Take a break for fucks sake! Get to know each other a bit more, have a drink. Take a rest.. then build it all back up again. Nobody wants a 5hr nonstop cardio workout. Well I'm sure there are some. I can fuck aaaaalll night.. if I'm allowed a lot of rest before, during and after. Don't rush it. " Edging for a cardio workout | |||
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"Once you are happy with who you are and are most extremely comfortable with your own abilities/lack of abilities. Learn how to pick the right people for you. Then your performance concerns will probably begin to dry up. If you want to last all night, it's really rather easy. Just stop shagging when you're getting close to cumming. Take a break for fucks sake! Get to know each other a bit more, have a drink. Take a rest.. then build it all back up again. Nobody wants a 5hr nonstop cardio workout. Well I'm sure there are some. I can fuck aaaaalll night.. if I'm allowed a lot of rest before, during and after. Don't rush it. " And yet we have women posting how they hate guys getting close and stopping or asking then not to move. Its not going to be the most fulfilling sex if you pull out and end it every 5 mins | |||
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" I have my own issues. I can find some sex positions painful and if it's too deep and is hitting my cervix too much is just hurts. Some men aren't very understanding of that and act like you're a disappointment if they can't pound you hard and deep from behind. Others pit pressure on you to have orgasms from certain activities because it "usually works with other girls". I've been on the receiving end of that kind of bullshit and I'm not about to treat somebody else like that." Exactly that, I normally get "what you mean you don't squirt? I can make you" Like fuck you will, your not milking a fucking cow that's for sure. Or trying anal, after being told I do not like it. This is why I am always respectful, and always find out likes, dislikes and boundaries. | |||
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"Once you are happy with who you are and are most extremely comfortable with your own abilities/lack of abilities. Learn how to pick the right people for you. Then your performance concerns will probably begin to dry up. If you want to last all night, it's really rather easy. Just stop shagging when you're getting close to cumming. Take a break for fucks sake! Get to know each other a bit more, have a drink. Take a rest.. then build it all back up again. Nobody wants a 5hr nonstop cardio workout. Well I'm sure there are some. I can fuck aaaaalll night.. if I'm allowed a lot of rest before, during and after. Don't rush it. And yet we have women posting how they hate guys getting close and stopping or asking then not to move. Its not going to be the most fulfilling sex if you pull out and end it every 5 mins" Asking them not to move?
I wasn't thinking 5min shifts on the Job Then clocking out for 15mins.
I'd elaborate, but I don't want to give away all my secrets  | |||
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