FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Who is to blame?
Who is to blame?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
What do you mean by who is to blame? Do you mean who is in the wrong? Taken people aren't for me personally but if I'm single then why not? I'm not the one with the other half... |
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
The single person should no better than to jeopardise someone's marriage for the sake of there selfish desires. But they have nothing to lose so no real anxieties for them.
The married person should also know better. Risk of losing there partner. If they have kids there's all the distress they'll go through. Family and friends judging...
Both are to blame. But the married person should engage their brain and consider everything they could lose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say it depends on the circumstances. If there is cheating going on, or something behind the unknowing partners back.
Then the married cheater is in the wrong. If the single person is in the know, then they are equally to blame.
I don't meet cheaters for this reason. It's not me passing judgement on them, its more a case of sticking to my own bdliefs about whats right and wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Clearly the unknowing party. Had they put out a little more it may never have happened. Need to. Pull their socks up I say.
(sit back and watch the fireworks)
Omg calm down. I'm joking.  "
Yeah I should have included the 3rd person in the OP. Good point. |
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I think it would depend on whether the singleton knew the other party was attached or not. If unaware then it is purely down to the attached person. It gets a bit murky if they continue to see each other after finding out they are attached so then both are at fault. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident.
The single person should no better than to jeopardise someone's marriage for the sake of there selfish desires. But they have nothing to lose so no real anxieties for them.
The married person should also know better. Risk of losing there partner. If they have kids there's all the distress they'll go through. Family and friends judging...
Both are to blame. But the married person should engage their brain and consider everything they could lose."
Unless they want their partner to sod off and it's a way of forcing their hand. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident.
What do you mean by who is to blame? Do you mean who is in the wrong? Taken people aren't for me personally but if I'm single then why not? I'm not the one with the other half..."
Blame or wrong. Either or.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident.
The single person should no better than to jeopardise someone's marriage for the sake of there selfish desires. But they have nothing to lose so no real anxieties for them.
The married person should also know better. Risk of losing there partner. If they have kids there's all the distress they'll go through. Family and friends judging...
Both are to blame. But the married person should engage their brain and consider everything they could lose.
Unless they want their partner to sod off and it's a way of forcing their hand. "
That's what my ex did, but I fucked his plans up and refused to leave. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whether it is morally wrong the singleton does not have the obligation, its the person who has made the commitment who has.
Incidently I wouldn't play with attached man who's partner is unaware. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
Both. Though it is never as black and white as that. Needs context. However regardless of the situation the married person has. Much more investment in the consequences and there for the control over the outcome.
Who initiated it?
Did they make it known they were married for example.
If not then you can't blame the single person if information was withheld from them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident.
The single person should no better than to jeopardise someone's marriage for the sake of there selfish desires. But they have nothing to lose so no real anxieties for them.
The married person should also know better. Risk of losing there partner. If they have kids there's all the distress they'll go through. Family and friends judging...
Both are to blame. But the married person should engage their brain and consider everything they could lose.
Unless they want their partner to sod off and it's a way of forcing their hand. "
I'm not sure that's usually the case, though I can understand how that it could seem that way to the hurt party. In some cases I'm sure it's true though. Some people are that lazy or cowardly.
In reality I think most people who cheat are lonely, alone, feel unloved, unsatisfied, sad, depressed, conflicted and guilty over most of what they do.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
To blame for what ?
But I know when a woman does it, she’s naughty. When a bloke does it, hes an awful shit. |
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
Depends if the single person know that the other is married.. if not then the blame is on the married person.. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
Need a few more bits of info to answer.
Did the single person know the other was married?
Does the married person have permission from their partner?
Is the married person still with their partner or in fact separated awaiting a divorce?
Is the single person actually single - as in not married - or in a relationship themselves?
Insufficient evidence to apply any blame til facts known......
I'm copping out.
A |
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
I often see people say "the inevitable happened" when they've had sex with someone they shouldn't have. No it didn't, we all have a choice when it comes to affairs. Do it or don't do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a relationship with a married man for a couple years. We both shared the blame as I knew he was married and he shouldn’t have pursued me. But at some point we both said what the hell and had an amazing 2 years. Both equal in blame and both very able to have decided differently.
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
Blame? It's a matter of choice ... if they've been honest with each other from the outset of course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont concern myself with the whys
What about the wherefores?
Whats that bilbo"
What’s a bilbo? I hope for your sake that didn’t autocorrect from bimbo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont concern myself with the whys
What about the wherefores?
Whats that bilbo
What’s a bilbo? I hope for your sake that didn’t autocorrect from bimbo "
its a bilbo Baggins phrase |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont concern myself with the whys
What about the wherefores?
Whats that bilbo
What’s a bilbo? I hope for your sake that didn’t autocorrect from bimbo its a bilbo Baggins phrase"
Yeah still none the wiser. Carry on 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years. "
Ask his girlfriend if he's cheating? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both. I'm not single but I'm in a open relationship and play with consent. I regularly meet a married man who plays without his wife's consent. I know im in the wrong because I'm fucking him but in all honesty as horrible as it sounds I prefer that he's married. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years.
Ask his girlfriend if he's cheating? "
I know he’s cheated but isn’t actively cheating. Like in context over the last 9 years I’ve met him 5 separate times for sex. Which is terrible I know but I’m not the one cheating. I don’t condone it and wouldn’t want it done to me. But in keeping with the thread I’m not the one who seeks him out. |
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"What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years.
Ask his girlfriend if he's cheating?
I know he’s cheated but isn’t actively cheating. Like in context over the last 9 years I’ve met him 5 separate times for sex. Which is terrible I know but I’m not the one cheating. I don’t condone it and wouldn’t want it done to me. But in keeping with the thread I’m not the one who seeks him out."
You could always say no. Your as much to blame as him imo.
I’m not here to judge though.
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
There are often reasons for one of the married parties to 'stray' and its rarely that the choice is made lightly. As you say; people don't fuck by accident.
This scenario is a bit of an unholy mess in terms of whys and wherefores. Apportioning of blame often takes a judge and several months of litigation and mediation so I'm certainly not qualified to make a call.
In typical TM style I'm waffling my way to a gallic shrug and a dunno.
I will say though that until you've lived the situation making judgement calls is somewhat shortsighted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are often reasons for one of the married parties to 'stray' and its rarely that the choice is made lightly. As you say; people don't fuck by accident.
This scenario is a bit of an unholy mess in terms of whys and wherefores. Apportioning of blame often takes a judge and several months of litigation and mediation so I'm certainly not qualified to make a call.
In typical TM style I'm waffling my way to a gallic shrug and a dunno.
I will say though that until you've lived the situation making judgement calls is somewhat shortsighted"
Some very wise words right there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are often reasons for one of the married parties to 'stray' and its rarely that the choice is made lightly. As you say; people don't fuck by accident.
This scenario is a bit of an unholy mess in terms of whys and wherefores. Apportioning of blame often takes a judge and several months of litigation and mediation so I'm certainly not qualified to make a call.
In typical TM style I'm waffling my way to a gallic shrug and a dunno.
I will say though that until you've lived the situation making judgement calls is somewhat shortsighted"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident.
I often see people say "the inevitable happened" when they've had sex with someone they shouldn't have. No it didn't, we all have a choice when it comes to affairs. Do it or don't do it."
Yeah it's odd. "I couldn't help myself. They seduced me."
Oops I just fell on his cock.... it was an accident. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years. "
His problem not yours. Make sure he doesn't leave your phone number or address lying around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I'd say the one at fault is the married one. Single person has no responsibility to the married persons partner. I'd say it does become different if they are friends or know each other. Then both are at fault.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
Depends on who's blaming and if the single person knows the other is married. The spouse who got cheated on should blame no one but their cheating spouse. The cheating spouse should blame no one but themselves. And the single person should blame themselves and the cheating spouse and so should society blame the two as well. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Don't think there is ever a black and white answer to questions like this.
What drove the married person to cheat are they frustrated in their home sex life or a cheating scumbag?
Does the single person know the other is married or do they deliberately go out of their way to meet people who are married because they like the challenging of getting what they can't have or..
Did two people meet and fall in love bit there is the complication that one of them is married.
All relationships are different. |
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"Well I'd say the one at fault is the married one. Single person has no responsibility to the married persons partner.
"
I disagree, I believe we should respect other people's relationships.
IMO they are both to blame. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years.
His problem not yours. Make sure he doesn't leave your phone number or address lying around. "
He doesn’t have my address written anywhere he just knows it. There’s no pattern either. Like the last 9 years I’ve been single I’ve met him 5 times. It’s just nostalgia I think. |
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On here many say they are single but are not. I saw someone from here for months, even went on holiday together then found out he was married when his Facebook popped up on my people you might know! |
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In these situations you hear all manner of reasons/ excuses from the married party . Things like they don’t get what they need at home , we only stay together for the kids , can’t afford to get divorced , wife or husband is ill and can’t have sex any more etc.....
In some cases this may be true , and in some cases they may have permission , but by and large they just want a bit of a thrill and don’t give a shit whether they hurt their wife/ husband or partner in the process . So they are to blame for the hurt they cause .
The single is guilty too if they know the person is attached . But I don’t doubt they figure it’s not their business to have a conscience as to how the persons partner will feel when they are fucking them . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident.
The single person should no better than to jeopardise someone's marriage for the sake of there selfish desires. But they have nothing to lose so no real anxieties for them.
The married person should also know better. Risk of losing there partner. If they have kids there's all the distress they'll go through. Family and friends judging...
Both are to blame. But the married person should engage their brain and consider everything they could lose."
Why should the single person know better? Perhaps they don't know or perhaps they desire the nsa. |
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By *annooWoman
over a year ago
Hastings |
"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident.
Need a few more bits of info to answer.
Did the single person know the other was married?
Does the married person have permission from their partner?
Is the married person still with their partner or in fact separated awaiting a divorce?
Is the single person actually single - as in not married - or in a relationship themselves?
Insufficient evidence to apply any blame til facts known......
I'm copping out.
A "
I was gonna ask all this too haha |
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"The sex / affair is the consequence not the cause ... what's the cause?"
While chatting to cheats (not knowingly met any) we've found greed, selfishness, disloyalty or lack of respect are usually the cause. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The cheater is to blame.
Although if the Singleton knew the married person was married, they should take some blame too.
I don’t need or want to know anyone’s circumstances as to why they cheat, I still won’t agree with it. I’ve been on the receiving end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The sex / affair is the consequence not the cause ... what's the cause?
While chatting to cheats (not knowingly met any) we've found greed, selfishness, disloyalty or lack of respect are usually the cause. "
some what agree. the cheater will soon thrown you under a bus and move on.
they cannot be trusted with their relationship so cannot be trusted with anything else.
its all about them and using anyone to get what they want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years.
Ask his girlfriend if he's cheating?
I know he’s cheated but isn’t actively cheating. Like in context over the last 9 years I’ve met him 5 separate times for sex. Which is terrible I know but I’m not the one cheating. I don’t condone it and wouldn’t want it done to me. But in keeping with the thread I’m not the one who seeks him out."
You would not like to be cheated on, but you are happy to be part of the cheating.
In my opinion you are no better than him in this case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The sex / affair is the consequence not the cause ... what's the cause?
While chatting to cheats (not knowingly met any) we've found greed, selfishness, disloyalty or lack of respect are usually the cause. "
Interesting as in my experience I’ve found the total opposite to that. I’ve found men that were married have more respect than the men that were single, no greed or selfishness at all. Also not just after a quick shag but friendship also. Not at all demanding and also made me realise like someone said earlier that not everything is black or white. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The sex / affair is the consequence not the cause ... what's the cause?
While chatting to cheats (not knowingly met any) we've found greed, selfishness, disloyalty or lack of respect are usually the cause.
Interesting as in my experience I’ve found the total opposite to that. I’ve found men that were married have more respect than the men that were single, no greed or selfishness at all. Also not just after a quick shag but friendship also. Not at all demanding and also made me realise like someone said earlier that not everything is black or white. "
That is all very subjective. You could have a married man who is respectful and selfless and a single man who is disrespectful and selfish.
But that doesn’t mean all are like that, as a single man myself I can assure we don’t all come under that category. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The sex / affair is the consequence not the cause ... what's the cause?
While chatting to cheats (not knowingly met any) we've found greed, selfishness, disloyalty or lack of respect are usually the cause.
Interesting as in my experience I’ve found the total opposite to that. I’ve found men that were married have more respect than the men that were single, no greed or selfishness at all. Also not just after a quick shag but friendship also. Not at all demanding and also made me realise like someone said earlier that not everything is black or white.
That is all very subjective. You could have a married man who is respectful and selfless and a single man who is disrespectful and selfish.
But that doesn’t mean all are like that, as a single man myself I can assure we don’t all come under that category. "
As was the comment I replied to subjective.
I don’t believe I said all single men came into that category. I said in my experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
Yes they do!
Women "fall" pregnant all the time! |
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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago
Z'ha'dum |
"What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years. "
I bet hes used that line on lots of other people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A married person and a single person have sex/ an affair.
Who is to blame?
People don't fuck by accident. "
The married person in my opinion. The single person has no obligation to the others partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if the single doesn’t want the married person to leave their wife and just wants to have sex and that be that.
I have a situation where a teenage bf of mine who is now a grown man of 36, has a gf he lives with an a child who has told me that he has never cheated before and would never cheat. The only reason he’d do it is because it’s me
Plus I’ve already fucked him 5 times over the last few years.
I bet hes used that line on lots of other people. "
Possibly but I think it’s more a comfort thing cos of our history plus he knows I’m trustworthy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only an affair if the single knew about the marriage. If he/she knew then its out of order. If they were the innocent party, found out and was honest about it and hated it then its just the married person cheating on his or her poor spouse.
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"Takes two to tango"
Indeed it does. Why an assumption of blame? Everyone and every situation is unique. Who is to judge unless personally involved?
I sometimes get the impression from Fab that ‘cheating’ is a new phenomenon . It is so often demonised on here. It has of course been going on for as long as marriage.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Takes two to tango
Indeed it does. Why an assumption of blame? Everyone and every situation is unique. Who is to judge unless personally involved?
I sometimes get the impression from Fab that ‘cheating’ is a new phenomenon . It is so often demonised on here. It has of course been going on for as long as marriage.
"
It very much has been going on for as long as marriage you are correct.
However it doesn’t stop being hurtful and heartbreaking and that is probably why it will always get strong opinions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex only, via a swingers site? I'd say the attached person takes the most responsibility though the other has to feel some guilt, it's an individual emotion dependent on personality.
An affair surely is different? Both parties are guilty of planning a relationship in that situation.
Saying that though, I still don't know
Peach x |
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» Add a new message to this topic
. A plausible excuse.
