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Would you...
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
It depends, I keep things on the manner in which they were given me but if the gift was a painful reminder I might |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends if they asked for it back. And then on a case by case basis depending on what it was.
The default answer would be no. It’s been gifted, it’s mine. The exceptions would be where I didn’t WANT it any more, for whatever reason, or if it’s a family heirloom or something of sentimental value to them and not me.
I can’t think of any scenario where I’d be petty and not return it if that was the case. |
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
Do you mean return it to the shop or return it to the person?
I wouldn't return it to the person, too much drama.
I might charity shop it though if it was too painful to keep.
But if I really liked it then no, fuck that, I'm keeping it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?
Do you mean return it to the shop or return it to the person?
I wouldn't return it to the person, too much drama.
I might charity shop it though if it was too painful to keep.
But if I really liked it then no, fuck that, I'm keeping it."
To the person, I had meant. |
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"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."
Then give it back and wash that sadness away. |
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"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."
If I felt someone disliked me enough to remove themselves from my life, I absolutely wouldn’t initiate contact by passive aggressively returning a gift. Bit of a dick move in my opinion. If they asked for it back I’d return it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad.
If I felt someone disliked me enough to remove themselves from my life, I absolutely wouldn’t initiate contact by passive aggressively returning a gift. Bit of a dick move in my opinion. If they asked for it back I’d return it. "
That’s a good point, thank you. |
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"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad.
If I felt someone disliked me enough to remove themselves from my life, I absolutely wouldn’t initiate contact by passive aggressively returning a gift. Bit of a dick move in my opinion. If they asked for it back I’d return it.
That’s a good point, thank you."
It’ll be alright. I’ll stroke your hair. Hide the gift so it doesn’t trouble you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they had removed themselves from my life then I wouldn't get in touch just to return a gift. It's opening up old wounds for the sake of something that can be dealt with easier.
If I was 100% that things were done between us then I would sell it or give it to charity. If there was a chance they would be back in touch and I would want that then I would put it in a box somewhere and forget it for now. |
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Well if it was a dog or a cat or something living , I’d probably keep it as I wouldn’t want to see the animal possibly suffer because two people can’t get on .
If it was something else , like a flat or a car , I’d probably keep them too .
But something personal , no , so a ring or a piece of jewelry I would give it back . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I wouldn't return it.
I'd either bin it, put it somewhere out of sight, or give it to charity. Which of the above would depend on how I felt about the person. |
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."
You should keep it in the spirit that it was given to you. I’ve been on both sides of this one, and if the person wants it back, they’ll let you know. Just because someone has ceased contact, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they think ill of you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That would be a childish reaction plus it would mean that by returning the gift you try to get a reaction from the other person because you can't handle the fact that person remove hersekf/himself from your life.
So no I wouldn't. If it is a lovely I would keep it. If it has no use or it is not connected emotionally to me, I would throw it |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I think that returning the gift could cause upset so I don’t think I would return it. If it was upsetting me to keep it then I would part with it in whatever way, but I still wouldn’t give it back to the person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Heavens no . The gift was given at a moment in time when it was special to you both .
I do have some things some one bought me , when things became let's say messy . I put them away not wanting to look at them as they brought back sharp memories .
Now I can because I just Remeber the good things .
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By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago
kilmarnockish |
"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."
Option 1- keep and put away to remind you of happier times
Option 2 - give it to someone that could use it better, have no regrets
Option 3- a well known auction site beginning with E.
Don’t regret or look back, think of the future... |
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"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."
They gave it to you at a good time. Focus on that rather than the bad point.
If you can't, get rid of it.
Experience tells me you'd regret it later. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
yes unless it's diamonds they're forever
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?
What an odd question."
Not really, some people attach meaning and emotion to things |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."
I wouldn't give it back to the person but would give to someone else, a charity shop, or if expensive would sell it |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
If there's no 'sentimental' value to it then at the end of the day it's just an object. So keep it.
If it's an engraved/personalised item of jewelry/chopping board/butt plug that says "eternally yours, your special shnookums"........then maybe get the sandpaper out and flog it on ebay.
If it's a commissioned painting or bespoke photo album of the two of you getting jiggy......bonfire time.
A
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?
What an odd question.
Not really, some people attach meaning and emotion to things"
I didn't imply otherwise. |
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?
What an odd question.
Not really, some people attach meaning and emotion to things"
Wouldn’t that make it easier to make the decision as to whether you wanted to keep it though ?
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"Wouldn’t that make it easier to make the decision as to whether you wanted to keep it though ?"
I wouldn’t say so, no. If an item has no sentimental value, it’s just down to whether you want/need it. But that sentimental value could contain a complicated cocktail of good and bad feelings. Weighing those up is difficult. Will you always feel this way about it? Will your feelings get better or worse? Will this item help or hinder that process? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad.
I wouldn't give it back to the person but would give to someone else, a charity shop, or if expensive would sell it"
This. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
Depends what it was, for example if it was an expensive piece of jewellery is keep it and possibly sell it at some point. Anything else Is put it in the black bin and forget about it/them. I wouldn't make contact to see if they wanted it back. |
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"Wouldn’t that make it easier to make the decision as to whether you wanted to keep it though ?
I wouldn’t say so, no. If an item has no sentimental value, it’s just down to whether you want/need it. But that sentimental value could contain a complicated cocktail of good and bad feelings. Weighing those up is difficult. Will you always feel this way about it? Will your feelings get better or worse? Will this item help or hinder that process?"
Any good feelings it may have would surely be negated by the fact that the giver no longer wants to be a part of the receivers life though . So even if the cocktail contains good memories , they aren’t going to be truly good are they ?
I don’t think feelings are likely to get better with the gift constantly there to remind you of what was once there but no longer is , and thereby it’s hard to see how it can only hinder the process of getting over it .
It’s good to see you back in the forum by the way  |
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"No. I’d be highly offended if something I’d given was returned to me in the same circumstances.
Same here "
If you had removed yourself from that persons life , I can understand you would be upset , but offended ? Why be offended when you chose to remove yourself from their life ? Perhaps they return it to remind you that they must have meant something to you at some point . |
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"Any good feelings it may have would surely be negated by the fact that the giver no longer wants to be a part of the receivers life though . So even if the cocktail contains good memories , they aren’t going to be truly good are they ? "
That involves a lot of assumptions. Does the OP know the gift-giver’s thoughts and feelings about this? Do you?
"I don’t think feelings are likely to get better with the gift constantly there to remind you of what was once there but no longer is , and thereby it’s hard to see how it can only hinder the process of getting over it ."
Again, that’s a massive assumption. It could be put to one side, for the time being, and brought back out when OP feels better about it. If she gives/throws it away, she doesn’t have that option later. It’s like grief; the things that are painful reminders early on are precious keepsakes that we would not want to relinquish later.
"It’s good to see you back in the forum by the way "
I’d say thanks if I thought you meant it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. I’d be highly offended if something I’d given was returned to me in the same circumstances.
Same here
If you had removed yourself from that persons life , I can understand you would be upset , but offended ? Why be offended when you chose to remove yourself from their life ? Perhaps they return it to remind you that they must have meant something to you at some point . "
That would depend on why they removed themselves. |
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"Any good feelings it may have would surely be negated by the fact that the giver no longer wants to be a part of the receivers life though . So even if the cocktail contains good memories , they aren’t going to be truly good are they ?
That involves a lot of assumptions. Does the OP know the gift-giver’s thoughts and feelings about this? Do you?
I don’t think feelings are likely to get better with the gift constantly there to remind you of what was once there but no longer is , and thereby it’s hard to see how it can only hinder the process of getting over it .
Again, that’s a massive assumption. It could be put to one side, for the time being, and brought back out when OP feels better about it. If she gives/throws it away, she doesn’t have that option later. It’s like grief; the things that are painful reminders early on are precious keepsakes that we would not want to relinquish later.
It’s good to see you back in the forum by the way
I’d say thanks if I thought you meant it."
Ah , but you’re assuming I don’t mean it , perhaps I do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's just a gift. Send it back, throw it away or donate it. Either way it will make no difference to the giver.
You don’t know that."
He's ditched her, why would he care? |
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
Kinda depends on the gift... If it was something of value or special significance... Yeah probably. Otherwise... Well.... I'm not going to make and effort to track you down to return the Bic lighter you left at mine several weeks ago  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the gift and reason for lingering negative associations.
If I wanted nothing to do with the association then I wouldn't return to the person, charity shop would be best. |
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"It's just a gift. Send it back, throw it away or donate it. Either way it will make no difference to the giver.
You don’t know that.
He's ditched her, why would he care?"
Even if he did care, tough crap, he ditched her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
No, a gift is a gift and I wouldn't expect one to be returned in the opposite scenario x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
I would keep it and feel a mini victory. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they have removed themselves from your life how do you return it....
Ok sorry.....cheap response.
Why return something thst was freely given because the circumstances/relationship may have changed.
It will always be a reminder....of something |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?"
I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?
I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship. "
They were. |
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?"
Depending on the type of person they are. Either trying to make amends or being manipulative. Also depends on the gift.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?
I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship.
They were."
I would think a guilty conscience and trying to say sorry for hurting you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?"
In the OP you said the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life. Did they just end the friendship or did they do something that made the friendship unsustainable? |
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?
I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship.
They were."
I would think that anyone who messes with your head and emotions like that isn’t worth your time . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?"
It’s difficult to comment with authority without proper context and to know all the background and history to them removing themselves from your life in the first place.
The fact that they are now giving a gift suggests that (maybe!?) they hadn’t necessarily actually removed themselves from your life but it had been interpreted that way.
Or they’re seeking a reconciliation.
Or they’re just doing a bit of a mind fuck thing.
Or it might make me feel simply that it’s Christmas, a time traditionally for the giving and receiving of gifts between acquaintances with no ulterior sub-plot.
Without the full context, it’s all speculation I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?
I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship.
They were."
“Removed themselves from the friendship”, worth clarifying this was not a formalised *romantic* relationship, not that that negates romantic or otherwise feelings or places hierarchy on importance of the “-ship”, for obviously relationships don’t have to be normatively romantic but the terminology “broke up a relationship” may be viewed solely as such. Not that romantic relationships have exclusive rights on headfucking and depth of feelings anyway. But, you know, it’s important to be clear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?
What would that make you think and feel?"
That perhaps they were trying to send a message and may not be sure how it is received?
Ice breaker? Apology? That they still care enough to think of sending a gift,and hope for a response? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
Yes. Have done. Quite literally left everything they had ever bought me in a black bin liner at the door as I walk out of the flat we shared and walked out of her life. Pre mobile ghosting! |
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hope you're OK lovely
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